“The Day the Karaoke Died”

This season I had the opportunity to be part of a rotating team of bloggers for our local online newspaper. What I turned in to them was basically a sanitized version of this blog – had to “PC” it up, don’t you know. It was fun and exciting and I enjoyed it a lot. Not so fun, was having to tell the editor that I was no longer interested in the show, hence no longer able to blog about it. She asked me to write an essay about my disillusionment. At first I balked because who really cares about one disenchanted fan, right? For what it’s worth, below is what I sent to her. Not sure what they’ll do with it, if anything, but here goes…

[Comments in brackets DID NOT make the “sanitized” version that was online. I am not that brave! Some editoralizing I can only do on my own ex-blogspot.]

“The Day the Karaoke Died”

To say that I was a “fan” of American Idol is an understatement. I was no mere observer, not a casual viewer, and not one content to simply chat around the water cooler with friends the day after the show. I watched each episode at least twice and dissected every nuance, never thinking that one day I would be disillusioned enough to say good-bye. [“Breaking up” with my favorite show is like saying good-bye to a beloved friend. It makes me sad.]

Here is a list of the series of events that caused a slow building of my adoration to turn to loathing:

Disrespecting the 4th Judge – Although Kara’s comments are usually right on the money, they are often met with disdain from the three senior judges. Pardon her for trying to make some sense and take the show seriously! [The show needed new blood and Kara seems to care, unlike those other overpaid blowhards. Plus Paula and Simon’s stupid antics belong on the Bret Michaels’ Rock of Love Bus! Or Romper Room!]

Tatiana and Norman/Nick, the drama queens – It was bad enough that they were sent to Hollywood, but for them to be put into the Top 36 was an outrage. It was simply a ratings stunt, nothing else. Their advancement caused the show to lose what little credibility it had left. [This was not the only time the show started to lose its integrity, if it ever really had any. Other things have happened in the past: the Sanjaya Times and Castro-Gate to name two. But season 8’s shenanigans took the show to an entirely different level of MORONIC!]

The semifinal format – Having three groups of 12 and then a Wild Card round did nothing to help viewers create a rapport with the singers. The Top 12 Girls/Top 12 Guys system was much better because the audience got to know the kids by the time the final Top 12 was formed. [There was a reason the set-up was changed to the 24 vs. 36 format. It WAS NOT broken, so why did they mess with it?]

The so-called Judge Save – It’s cruel and unusual and just one more obvious ploy for ratings. Why give hope when there will be none? This is one more indication that the American Idol producers have NO respect for the audience, and they think we are stupid and naïve. [Are we watching Fear Factor? Will the contestants eventually have to eat bat guts in order to win the approval of the fools in charge of this show?]

Over-the-top manipulation – This year it’s been more obvious than ever that the judges/ producers have their pre-ordained favorites, and they are going to shove them at us week after week no matter how poorly they perform. [For example: Lil, Alexis and Allison are MUCH better singers than Megan, yet the judges always make excuses for Megan when she performs poorly. They have said that she has never performed before an audience before, or that the poor pitiful tattooed cutie-pie had Influenza B. One week they even told her that singing well is not even all that important! WHAAAT?? Since when??]

The harsh treatment of Alexis Grace – Sure the petite blonde had an off night with “Jolene,” but even at her very worst, she’s a better singer than half of the others still in the contest. Those asinine judges did everything wrong to Alexis on elimination night, from forgetting her name to outright lying to her that she might get a save. It’s evident that they would not use it this early in the competition. [I would trade 2 Scotts, 3 Sarvers and 10 Megans to get just one Alexis Grace back on the show! But even if she was back it would not change my opinion that the show has gone to hell in a handbasket.]

The Idiots In Charge – The final straw for this ex-fan was an article I read the day after Alexis’ ungraceful ousting. One of the producers of the show stated that he was thrilled at the horrible way Alexis was treated. He said he hoped that they were able to keep kicking the contestants while they are down. It makes for great drama and high ratings after all! [Nigel where are you?? Sure ratings are down. But guess what numbskulls? Your show is still number 1 in its time slot!! Isn’t that enough? Why not just have the audience members throw rotten tomatoes at the contestants during their swan song performance? Or better yet - strap a steak to them and then let loose some real lions, tigers and bears! Would that satisfy you evil b*tards??]

For years I have defended American Idol to naysayers who have always believed that it was simply a rigged karaoke contest. This season it seems that the producers are TRYING to prove that they are nothing more than any other Grade D reality show. If that was their intention they have succeeded in spades. [On the bright side, at least we have David Cook and Daughtry. Their music is still on my iPod and I will continue to support them. Am not throwing these babies out with the bathwater!]

Color me OUT. From now on I will get my American Idol updates from Joel McHale on The Soup. [I realize that Joel has always made fun of AI - and especially Seacrest - on his clip show. But the segments seem a lot longer this year don’t they?]

~~~

"I'm Begging Of You Please Don't Take My Alexis Grace"

That "Jolene" sure is a bitch.

It was nice knowing you American Idol. It's been building on the camel's back all season and THAT was the final straw...

Aunt Pearl OUT

(This blog is retired.)

It’s a Grand Ole Top Eleven

According to a lot of the AI fan sites and forums, “country night” is dreaded like the plague, the dentist, and the principal’s office all put together.

I grew up listening to classic country music and I loved it back then. These days I don’t listen to country music often, usually just once a year when it’s paraded before us on Idol. For special reasons I will always love Alan Jackson more than any other celebrity.

Since season 8 has been in repeat-o mode since day one, oft-performed songs from years past will more than likely be heard tonight. I've bet My Hubby dinner that at least one Carrie Underwood song will be done, but he wisely does not bet against that action.

Although there are a few southerners in the top 11, there aren’t any “real” country singers this year. No token Gracin or Carrie or Pickler or Bucky or Kristy Lee. At least tonight should bring a few surprises, but five bucks says that Adam will do “Ring of Fire.”

It’s funny when the judges step down from the gigantic stage, because Simon looks like a bum the others picked up on the way to the Kodak Theater. (Silly crazillionaires, geesh.) At least Randy can’t “boo” him from way up there; that would be way tackier than doing it from the judges’ table.

Ryan wishes everyone Happy St. Patrick’s Day and to grab a pint or five. Then the stage lights up with cool green flashing shamrocks and plays Irish music. Sadly, no leprechauns though. (Because Ryan is not wearing green.)

Same old Ryan/Judge banter ensues because we have two hours to fill with eleven 90 second songs. Simon sarcastically says that two hours is just not enough country music for him. As usual, I agree but would have been less derisive about it (maybe.)

Ryan explains the history of The Grand Ole Opry and its importance and impact to the music industry. We see footage of Carrie being invited to join the Opry by Randy Travis. It would be exciting if she had one tenth of an ounce of personality.

Randy is also the mentor this week and we’ll see clips of his time with each contestant. He’s in the audience tonight with his wife Lib. Randy is a North Carolina boy and one of those artists who still seems down to earth. I’ve always enjoyed “Forever and Ever Amen,” and his gospel songs from the Glory Train album are very good.

It’s funny to see the eleven kids gather around Mr. Travis and the piano and pretend to know who he is. Randy appears to be a humble, likable gentleman and hopefully the contestants will take his advice.

In the spot of doom tonight is Michael, or as Ryan calls him “Sarver,” who’s doing a Garth Brooks song. (At Aunt Pearl’s house he’s known as Barf Brooks; he’s just too arrogant for us, sorry. But we like Trisha though, so go figure.) The ditty “Ain’t Going Down ‘Til the Sun Comes Up” is one of those 100-MPH songs that requires lots of breath to perform correctly. Sarver does okay, especially when he jams with the harmonica player on the steps. Not a bad vocal, just meh. He gets the words right as far as we can tell, so props for that. As we expected, the judges now want him to be their token country singer for season 8; this is not a box that Michael wants to be forced into. Unfortunately, Michael commits the no-no of sassing back to Simon. This could hurt the guy who is known mainly for his “nice guy” persona.

Rocker chick Allison is going to maybe/maybe not take the advice of this week’s mentor who tells her not to be “too cute.” The Patty Loveless song “Blame it On Your Heart” is another one with tricky lyrics. I used to love this song back in the day. Allison turns it into another Heart-ish power vocal which is not necessarily a bad thing. We like Allison and how she doesn’t try to disguise her teenage quirks. Overall she does well and we don’t feel that she’s “headed for a heartache.” The gal judges thought she did great and will go far. (Not sure if they meant in the competition or in life or what.) Simon wrongly thinks she was struggling with the lyrics and Randy calls her “dope.” (No, not Paula’s.) Allison also learns a new word: “precocious” which means “being cool but not being packaged, programmed or pageant-y.”

Cutie-pie Kris plays his guitar during his practice session with Randy T. but does not use it tonight on stage. He sings another Barf, er Garth song, a ballad called “To Make You Feel My Love.” He does the sit-on-stool-and-look-terrified bit. Kris sings very well but he does not look very comfortable. Weird how even the camera man is in on Simon’s “hide the wife” conspiracy – when zooming on the family, they cut to the parents and leave her out of the shot for the most part. The judges seem overly surprised at how good he did, especially Simon. Randy dubs Kris “Tender Dawg” which quickly gets changed to “puppy.” Whatever works right? At least Ryan gets to talk about Simon’s “but” and that is very funny to me in my head because I am immature like that.

Next up is our gal Lil who looks stunning tonight in pink satin. The fake bangs are gone, the better to showcase her gorgeous face. On the chat-stools with Ryan, Lil admits she’s out of her element but will give it her best shot. She does the Martina McBride song that was a Carrie trademark in season 4 – “Independence Day.” (My Kid says, “Because nothing says ‘vote for me’ better than a song about arson and murder.”) Good thing the song can be edited to leave out those crucial elements, and tonight Lil almost makes us forget that anyone else ever sang this. Of course the judges don’t like it very much, because they’re “ridiculous” sometimes. Randy needs to STHU telling Lil she should have done the Dolly/Whitney song. Simon pulls out the “wedding singer” card and can’t get Lil’s name right.

Randy Travis has an interesting session with Adam. He’s not sure of Adam’s Middle Eastern version of “Ring of Fire” (called it!) or his black nail polish. It sounds like Ryan is introducing him as “Adam Glambert” which may have been a Freudian slip? Adam takes the Daughtry-Cook method of “cover of covers” and steps it up a notch. Dear Lord. Like always, Adam’s voice is amazing but the way he looks in the camera reminds me of the show Fringe. The man can hit notes that maybe only Freddie Mercury’s ever even dreamed about. The gal judges thought it was strange, and Simon loathes it, but Randy gives a tourettes-like critique of glowing remarks. Just occurring – Adam looks a bit like Garth’s alter ego Chris Gaines with a bit of Elvis thrown in.

My favorite Martina song is featured next, “Wild Angels.” (That is one of the best country videos ever.) Scott is putting his very own spin on the song, to the dismay of this week’s mentor. Fingers are crossed. Scott’s Greatest American Hero hairdo is toned down tonight and he looks nice. (Every time I see him I think of that show’s theme song “believe it or not, I’m walking on air.”) Anyway, I digress. Tonight Scott plays the piano again and at first is a snooze-fest. When he steps up to the chorus, he sounds great; then he kicks in to overdrive and loses it a bit. His rendition was totally his own and overall it’s good. Paula tells him that he needs to sing without the piano, Simon disagrees and then it’s WWE Judge Match. It takes me a sec to realize what Scott meant about “losing the hat picks,” but I can totally see how that would mess him up.

Because of Alexis I had the MJ song “Dirty Diana” stuck in my head for days. It was the only one that stuck with me from last week. The awesome pixie blonde tells Ryan that she likes country music, being from the south and all. She’s teased as someone who looks like Dolly Parton, which makes me laugh. I love Dolly, but Alexis looks like the Barbie version of her maybe. Last year Brooke did an all-smiles version of “Jolene,” but Alexis is going to make us forget about that. This gal is so incredible; she sings and performs like a seasoned pro already. We love her!! So evidently the judges are on the crazy meds – they call her pitchy and sound-alike and even ding her for not trying to be a Carrie imitator. Alexis wasn’t perfect but they pretty much rip her a new one. I am very upset with them right now because they are morons.

A thousand commercials later and I am still irritated. Almost too annoyed to enjoy Danny’s “humorous” practice session with Randy Travis. Of course he is singing “Jesus Take the Wheel.” Of course he is. Okay, so here’s the deal… I like Danny’s voice. And now that they have stopped playing the “dead wife” card, I enjoy his segments. But there is something off-putting about him that I can’t put my finger on. On the Carrie song, the verses are coma-inducing but he picks up the chorus and shines in that Gokey voice. He sounds great at the end. One question: why wear your ski jacket while performing? Ha, even Simon wants to know the answer to that one. The gal judges disagree about which half of the song they liked but it doesn’t matter. Danny’s a shoo-in.

Contrary to what Alexis (and I) said earlier tonight, not everyone from the south knows and enjoys country music. Take Anoop for instance. He is surprisingly impressive during his mentoring session; in case we have forgotten he does have a great voice. Anoop proves his worthiness with “Always on My Mind” – it is simple and lovely. Willie, Elvis, Cash, Brenda Lee, and the other zillion people who recorded this song would be proud of him. He set out to prove that he is serious about this competition and he succeeded. The judges are sure pleased with his performance; “Anoop is back!” indeed. I wonder if Paula did the “glove” analogy on purpose. Simon takes back almost all the mean things he said last week. (Anoop doesn’t get dinged on wearing his coat indoors though.) Even the band gets applause although they are tucked away somewhere.

Megan looks beautiful tonight in a long gown and flowing hair. She’s doing Patsy Cline’s old “Walkin’ After Midnight,” and Randy T. is impressed at the “liberties” she’s taking with the melody. I interpret that to mean: you have a weird-ass voice and you are going to jack this song up for realz. My Hubby and Kid and I are struggling to understand the appeal of this gal’s singing voice. I never thought that I’d ever hear myself say “Kellie Pickler sounded better on this song in season five.” Of course, the judges adore her, the gold eye make-up, her bouncy-bouncies, everything. After the beating they gave the MUCH better Alexis, hearing them praise Caw-Caw girl is disappointing to me. As if that’s not enough, they play the “Megan’s got the flu” card and let us know she’s been in the hospital. Damsel + Distress = Votes. Now go cough on Ryan.

Piano man Matt gets the pimp spot tonight. As he was with most of the singers tonight, Randy T. was puzzled with the song choices and then thrilled by them. Same with Matt who does the recent Carrie hit “So Small.” The good thing about guys doing “girl” songs is that they won’t be compared to the original. Like David Cook’s “Always Be My Baby” last year, Matt takes this to a different level. His piano playing is grand (pardon the pun.) For the first time I am impressed and glad he got one of the Wild Card spots. Best of all, no hat and no scarf, yay. And no Coldplay. The judges seem amazed that Matt is so good. Paula can’t even talk at this point. (All together now: Au-then-ci-ty.) The guy judges like the Michael Buble-ness of Matt and it’s a good close to the show.

Quotes of the Night:

Michael (probably the last sentence he’ll say on American Idol): “If we were all perfect, we wouldn’t need this show.”

Simon: “Little…”
Lil: “It’s LIL, Simon!”

Adam: “I don't know about self-discipline, but it'll be signature.”

Kara (about Adam): “It left me confused and sort of… happy.”
Simon: “Just like Paula.”

Ryan: “We’ve come a long way from when Taylor Hicks was standing here.”

Scott (about the piano causing him not to connect to the audience): “We can move it closer.”

Simon (about Danny’s coat): “It’s like you’re going on a polar expedition.”

Simon (to Anoop): “You’ve gone from zero to hero.”

Simon (to Megan): “You should have the flu every week.”

Kara: “Matt, there ain’t nothing small about you.”

Looking back over the highlights of the 11 performers tonight, I have one thought: Whatever is in the pipe being passed around at the judges’ table tonight? I want some.

If Your Name Starts with a “J” You're Outta Here

Due to this year’s Top 13, two singers were eliminated from American Idol on Wednesday.

Gorgeous teenager Jasmine Murray is returning to the Mississippi School for the Arts to finish high school. She is eager to continue a career in music as well as attend college.

Read more about Jasmine on her official AI page.

Jorge Nunez, or “Jorjito” as he’s known to his American Idol cast mates, is planning to return to college in Puerto Rico to pursue a law degree. Fortunately, he does not plan to give up singing.

More info about Jorge can be found on his AI page.

Two are Out – it Kinda Sucks but Isn’t Heartless

Today is the silver wedding anniversary for My Hubby and me. Yep, 25 years which means that our marriage is older than most of the contestants on our favorite show. I feel kinda old but really good right now.

Nothing brings togetherness like watching “double elimination” night with the family. My Kid and Hubby and I all have different likes and dislikes this year. They are not digging Scott’s musical style and they are not as crazy about Lil as I am. We do agree on Megan though; that gal sounds ruff.

Also, they both believe that Adam has the championship in the bag already. I don’t agree with them there either because that over-the-top Axel Rose edge will get old soon. No matter how hard the judges prime and pimp him, I don’t predict a win. Final 3 for certain, but I am rooting for a gal to win this year. It’s a female’s turn to get the confetti – either Lil or Alexis would do.

But we are weeks and weeks away from finale time. Let’s focus on the now. Dashing Ryan tells us that 33 million votes were cast for the Top 13 and hopefully none went to the phone sex chat line. (Paula’s almost full frontal may make up for that tonight though.)

Tonight’s special guests are Kanye West and Kelly Clarkson. As far as we know they have nothing in common except the letter “K.”

They teased us last night about a Big Change that was coming and thankfully we get the news right away. After showing pictures of Tamyra Gray, Michael Johns, Jennifer Hudson and Chris Daughtry, we’re told that sometimes contestants go home way too soon. (My Kid squeals at this segment; she is still angry about Chris’ departure.)

Now introducing: the “Judge Save” – if there is a “shock elimination” and the judges all agree, then they can choose to keep that singer on the show that week instead of sending them home. They get only one chance to save someone so they will need to use it wisely. Also, they have to use it before the Top 5.

Anyone here believe that this entire “save” thing was created just for Megan Joy Corkery? Call me cynical but I am willing to bet that the save card will be used on the “quirky” tattooed mom when the time comes.

Moving along... In the early seasons of AI, the contestants roomed together like one big happy family. They’re going back to that Big Brother format this year. We get to see the kids romp delightfully in a mansion that has a bowling alley, basketball court, multiple pools, and all the trimmings.

While we ponder on the new “save” rule and the cushy mansion digs, the top 13 sing a medley of Michael Jackson hits. We almost miss it but soon realize that these kids seem to be lip syncing. I thought that was a no-no. Maybe we are wrong but something is off; the sounds are not matching the sights and it’s weird. At least Gokey gets to prove that yes he’s got moves.

Review of MJ Night… the way Lil made us feel was like a winner. Michael was not alone on the oil rig. Alexis put dirty Diana in her sassy place. Rock fans will all give in to Allison “Clarkson.” The girls will remember the time before Kris had a bride. We will keep the faith for Scotty’s message. It’s only human nature to call Matt a Timberlake. Jasmine will be there for the Disney channel. Megan was not rockin’ the robin no matter how gorgeous. The judges told Anoop Dog to please beat it. Jorge can never say good-bye to bad mad love. It doesn’t matter if Adam is black or white or rainbow colored. Danny gave us pretty young tenderoni and sugar fly.

Ryan quizzes Michael, or as Seacrest calls him “Sarver,” about what the group’s been up to this week. Answer: busy. This segues into the first Ford faux-mercial of the season.

I know it’s cheesy, but I like these fake Ford commercials; they are usually done well. All of the ones from last year were entertaining except the one about bullfighting but we won’t go there.

Our current singers do “We Will Rock You” while their images are flashed on buildings in the city. A Ford rides down the street. It’s cool and I like it because I am a geek.

Dim the lights… it’s elimination time. Michael is safe. Allison is safe, yay! Jasmine goes to center stage.

After getting confused about what he’s supposed to do, Matt learns he is safe. For some reason, I like him more now because of this faux pas.

Ryan does a psych-out with Kris, but he is safe. Megan joins Jasmine on the stage. This should be a no-brainer, but blonde wins out over good singing; Megan is still in the running to make our ears bleed again.

Last night Kara advised Jasmine that she should have sung in a lower key and it sounds like she is doing that tonight. Too bad because her “I’ll Be there” sounds much better this way.

Jasmine does not cry until she finds out that the judges will not be using their one save card for her. It’s okay though because as My Kid says, “She’s got some graduating from high school to do.”

The exit song this year is Carrie Underwood’s remake of “Home Sweet Home” by Mötley Crue. Not two names that we’d ever see linked together, but it sounds really nice and the lyrics fit.

Up next to entertain us is Kanye West, a rap/hip-hop type artist so I am told. He’s doing a song called “Heartless” through a synthesizer. My Kid loves it and knows all the words, of which there are not many. Anyone who wears sunglasses inside is not nearly as cool as they think they are. I am bored so I go make popcorn. It looks like the judges have left the building also because their work station is overrun by youngsters.

Back to business, thank goodness. Scott is safe to tickle ivories once again. Alexis is safe, YAY!! Danny is safe, no surprise, although he seems to be shocked.

Anoop pulls a Kristy Lee Cook by starting to head for center stage without even being told to. I wonder if he’ll have time to write up a sticky note.

Adam is safe, duh. Jorge and Lil stand together and Lil is safe, YAY!!

Anoop and Jorge are the bottom two this round. Ryan teases them a bit and there are no fun hijinks from Nunez this time. We won’t know until later who is going home.

Kelly Clarkson – the Original American Idol – is back tonight to visit the show that launched her career. I like Kelly and most of her songs. Her latest single “My Life Would Suck Without You” sounds so much like “Since U Been Gone” that it’s easy to merge the two together seamlessly. Kelly flirts with Ryan for a bit, talks about her brand new album All I Ever Wanted, and then she rocks out live. My Kid and I agree (OMG! We agree!) that Allison Iraheta sounds like Kelly.

Now we’re back to Anoop and Jorge – who will stay and who will go? Jorge is heading back to Puerto Rico (no save card), and Anoop will get the chance to make up for “Beat It.”

As we hear Jorge perform his MJ song, we think it’s probably not a good idea to ever pick songs that have the word “good-bye” in them. Then we see his exit montage of random adorableness. What a sweetheart.

Quotes of the Evening:

Anoop (about the mansion): “People are going to get lost in here.”

Michael: “Working is the WORD.”

Next Tuesday the top 11 will perform Opry songs. Until then, let’s have some anniversary cake. Ta!

The Top 13 Don’t Stop ‘Til They Get Enough

So for this evening’s episode, there is good news and bad news. The good news is that the phone number scandal for the 13th contestant has been resolved. As reported all over the internet, news, radio, newspaper, outer space, etc. the number that would have been the voting line for Idol is actually a phone sex line. So let’s not use that one. Glad they got all that squared away.

The bad news is that tonight’s theme is “the music of Michael Jackson.” Ergh. There should be a disclaimer from the judges saying: “Remember all those hundreds of times that we said Do Not Attempt the King of Pop? Well, forget all that just for tonight. Next week we will start saying it all over again.”

My Kid’s generation knows Michael Jackson as King of Weird, but back in the day he used to be a singer. I am going to try to focus on the MJ of yesteryear, when he was a talented, black, innovative performer instead of this current misfit. Seeing what he has done to his Cowardly Lion-looking face is just sad. Not to mention all the other stuff.

It’s show time! For some reason, the four judges and debonair Ryan are all introduced by Disembodied Voiceover Guy. You’d think that they were the stars of the show or something. Hopefully they won’t do that again, because they played musical chairs at the judges’ table. That gigantic stage sure is high-tech and mind-boggling though. We are ready for take-off.

What is up with the lady judges’ attire tonight? Paula looks like she ran into a pigeon on the way to the theater, and Kara’s neck has been tied up with an incredibly large bow.

Ryan polls all of them for their advice and we get the usual clichés. Kara promises that “they” will put the right singers on the radio. (I am sure that by “they” she means “voters.”) Barely Coherent Paula mentions the stage eating you alive (or something) and then gets mad when Simon explains it in human terms we can understand. Geez, there’s more “witty banter” on this show than a slew of Nora Roberts novels.

Next is the introduction of our 13 contestants, and it looks like Lil Rounds drew the short straw and Alexis Grace has the pimp spot.

More news from the file marked “duh” – tomorrow night two of the 13 will be sent home. Although Simon says it’s to “put more pressure on everyone,” we all know that it’s show-speak for “we have a schedule to adhere to, so accommodations must be made.”

Michael Jackson Night. Gawsh. I have never been a big fan of the Gloved One, even in the days when he was wildly popular. The closest I have come to liking him was when Jenna Rink did the “Thriller” dance in 13 Going on 30.

Here’s hoping that nobody grabs their crotch tonight.

Up first is Memphis darling Lil Rounds, my favorite season 8 gal. Her pre-song video reminds us about the tornado, her cute hubby, and adorable three kids. And that Lil’s artfully arranged sweeping bangs are probably not real. No matter because everything else about Lil is genuine enough. She takes “The Way You Make Me Feel” and makes it entirely her own. We forget it was ever done by Bubbles’ dad. Unfortunately, she is not looking her best in parachute pants and the top half of a prom dress. Randy says that MJ sang the whatever out of that song and agrees with the others that Lil made it her own and gave a solid performance. We want a Lil Rounds CD today but will settle for an iTunes single for now. Simon disses the outfit and calls her a bit “lazy.” So hitting every note perfectly is lazy these days?

We find out that Scott has a sister who is also visually impaired. The Scottsdale MacIntyres are an endearing family that’s been through a lot of trials. Scott plays piano tonight while singing a song I’ve not heard called “Keep the Faith.” It’s the perfect choice for him, a message song and he does well with it. My Kid and Hubby are not overwhelmed with Scott’s singing and feel that he’s made it thus far on pity. I disagree and think he is a talented singer. The judges agree with me for the most part – they think that Scott’s rendition was just fine. Evidently the songwriter is in the audience but Paula is the only one who really cares. Simon surely doesn’t. Maybe Norway does? Randy calls it correctly by telling curly-top Scott that we need to see “more sparks” from him.

There is no mention of Sophia during Danny’s pre-performance tape, just his family in Milwaukee talking about him “singing” his homework. His sense of humor gets to shine through this time. Danny looks dapper tonight, with matching burgundy shirt and glasses. I like that fashion sense and we can all do that thanks to Zenni Optical. It seems odd that a church music director would sing “PYT” which stands for “Pretty Young Thing,” but he gives a believable performance. He has exactly the kind of voice that I like – gruff, grunge, growly. All of the judges enjoy his singing but they are not impressed with his dancing very much. Danny says that they don’t do a lot of dancing at his church. Good for Gokey for not being afraid to say the word “church” on American Idol!!

For the one hundredth time we are told that Michael works as a roughneck on an oil rig in Jasper, TX. It is nice to see his friends and co-workers show support to him, as well as his lovely family. Although he’s not my favorite singer this year, Sarver is an extremely nice guy and I like him a lot. He sings a song that I don’t remember called “You Are Not Alone,” and it’s kinda drowsy but good. Michael has a nice voice but there is not really a “wow” factor there. My Kid thinks that he looks like Brody on One Life to Live, and he kinda does. All of the judges like Mike and they want him to do well in the competition. Simon tells him that his “passion and heart” make up for the lack of extreme vocal talent.

Ryan and Jasmine awkwardly talk about fashion for a bit. “Jazz” and all of the Murray family of Mississippi have been blessed with great genes. Her video looks like an America’s Next Top Model reunion. Tonight the pretty teenager sings “I’ll Be There,” tagged by the current generation as a Mariah Carey song. Jasmine does a fine job although she goes really sharp when she tries to reach for the high notes. She would be perfect in the High School Musical genre or a guest spot on Hannah Montana. Randy name drops Ms. Carey and likes the way Jasmine blended Mariah and Michael together. Paula isn’t as crazy about Jasmine’s vocal, which is a surprise from Mama Bear. Simon plays the “robotic” card, which should so totally be retired after Carrie won season 4.

We visit Kris and his gorgeous young blonde wife of only five months in Conway, Arkansas. Their matching aprons are as cute as they are. This is not his first MJ rodeo – Kris already did a Michael song during group two week. He gets to play acoustic guitar on a tune called “Remember the Time,” and he rocks both the song and the plaid shirt. It’s not a perfect vocal but it’s good. Paula says that Kris is “adorable sexy” and My Kid concurs, but being a newlywed depletes his “hotness” factor. Simon agrees with that and even says that Kris shouldn’t have mentioned being married, at least not yet. Cut to Mrs. Allen in the audience looking very sad. Awww. Mean Simon! I still think Kris looks like an older Archuleta and Randy compares him to Jason Mraz.

The incredibly talented Allison is up next and she is as different from this year’s other teenage girl (Jasmine) as night is to day. She is “adorkable” in the video with her supportive family, especially at the El Salvadorian department store. My Kid loves everything about Allison’s style – the hair, the outfit, and most of all her voice. This young girl can SING y’all. There is no evidence of Michael Jackson on the song “Give In to Me” – it is all Allison tonight. Kara and Paula accurately note that Miss Iraheta looks like a rock star tonight. The others agree that we need a “rocker girl” in the competition this year and that she fits the bill. Hopefully she will go further than past rock chicks, Gina and Amanda. The highly unpolished Allison makes funny silly faces and we just love her.

Chapel Hill’s delightful Anoop and his equally loveable parents are featured next. He is such a good representative for our home state. (My Kid says that she wants to go to White Castle with him, but there aren’t any in NC.) Unfortunately, tonight he does “Beat It” and it’s just not that great of a performance from Anoop Dog. It’s not really his fault, but this song has been played and parodied to death for too many decades now. Anoop gives it his best shot and has a great haircut and Members Only jacket, but it’s not good enough. It’s way too karaoke. The judges are sad to tell him that some songs are “untouchable” (read: campy) and just should not be attempted. Simon calls him all sorts of awful things and pretty much says that bringing him in as “13” was a bad idea in hindsight. Ouch.

On the bright side, Ryan’s mom and grandma are in the audience tonight. If he’s a good boy they will give him a cookie later. He has to stop teasing Granny about Randy though, because that is not nice.

Next we see Jorge in Puerto Rico with his very large family. I like the way the videos have focused on families tonight, especially since they are all so likable. Tonight Jorge is doing “Never Can Say Goodbye” and he is getting better and better. His voice is smooth like silk, very different from what I usually like, but he’s good in his own way. Not sure why, but the judges are not digging the Nunez tonight. They have “mad love” but call him “old-fashioned,” and play the “pitchy” and “disconnected” cards. I did not see that at all, but whatevs. A very uncomfortable moment ensues when Paula attempts a conversation with Jorge regarding song choice, and he tries to explain about the very limited Idol catalog. They can’t handle the truth. Ryan, cue the music.

We get to see various photos of Utah’s Megan looking beautiful in different hair colors and styles. Her mom is equally gorgeous, as well as her little boy Ryder. Not sure why they want to go all Dr. Phil on us by dredging up Megan’s divorce. Tonight she looks stunning in red, singing “Rockin’ Robin.” I want to like this girl because she has been Chosen by the judges as this year’s token Pretty Girl. Although her voice is unique, there is nothing special about her performance. (She sure helps us forgive Kristy Lee Cook for “Eight Days a Week” last year.) The judges can’t be too hard on Megan – after all, she is an amateur and Idol is her very first public outing. Simon blames her “stupid song choice” but not her. Even the mean guy from Hell’s Kitchen thinks she’s hot, so there ya go.

The Lamberts are like the Cooks in the way that they support their son’s musical career. It’s implied that they pick up Adam’s Hollywood tab sometimes but that’s okay – the investment in their talented offspring will pay off. My Kid is over the moon for the theatrical singer, and she does not care about the yucky pictures of him on the internet. Adam sings “Black or White” tonight, a song that brings back memories of morphing faces and the little Home Alone boy. No one will be “kicking dirt” in Adam’s eyes for this performance – the guy is an amazing singer. Somehow he turns an MJ song into an alternative rock hit. All of the judges are impressed as they should be, though somewhat overly. Adam is in a totally different league because he’s already in show business.

Kalamazoo’s Mr. Giraud is probably the sweetest father since Mr. McPhee in season five. Matt seems like a sweet guy too, but he is just not that memorable for me. Tonight he sings “Human Nature” while playing the piano. It’s an okay interpretation but his Jackson 5 song last week during Wild Card was better. Some of his notes are all over the place and hurt my doggie’s ears. My Kid says that Matt reminds her of Justin Timberlake, but I beg to differ. Justin’s less attractive second cousin maybe, but not Timberlake himself. Then Randy plays the Justin card and My Kid is all “See! I was right!” (Kids – believing Randy!) We are running out of time so the judge critiques are very short but all positive for Matt. Even Simon only says it was “nice” and “solid.” It must sound different in the theater than it does at home.

The last singer this evening is sassy charmer Alexis who comes from a musical Memphis family. Any chance to see her sweet little girl say “Seacrest Out” is a good thing. When she takes the stage tonight, My Hubby says “Wow,” which is man-speak for “She is wearing a very skanky outfit and I like it.” Alexis closes MJ Night in a very good way with “Dirty Diana” – the gal has everything she needs to be a superstar right this minute. Her voice is practically perfect with just enough edge to it to be unforgettable. She has charisma galore and owns the stage. For some reason the fickle judges downplay how wonderful she was. Alexis did not over-sing, PAULA, you are just on meds! And Simon’s quip about her not being “as good as you think you are” was an insult. Yay Alexis, boo judges.

Once again, DVR’s have already cut out. Thank goodness for the “options” feature to record five minutes over. Ryan and Simon get our curiosity up by saying that there are going to be some changes in the “system” starting tomorrow night. They are not sure we’re gonna like it. Hmmm. Uh oh.

Quick review of the long long night… Lil and Danny seemed to be forever ago, huh? They were awesome. Allison, Adam and Alexis rocked out, too.

Tonight’s Quotes:

Simon: “Give me 5 minutes with Lil, and I’ll sort you out.”
My Kid: “That was kinda creepy weird of Simon to say… oh yeah, it’s Michael Jackson night.”

Simon: “It’s fine being artistic, just not on this show.”

Simon (sarcastically): “Just wish we knew what you did for a living.”
Michael (cheerfully): “Hopefully this.”

Paula (about Simon): “He’s trying to undress me!”

Randy (disputing Simon about Kris): “I love the wife, I love the guitar.”

Allison: “I’m not dark. I’m not, like, cutting myself.”

Jorge: “I wasn’t going to sing ‘Bad’ by Michael Jackson.”
Simon: “Well, you sort of did.”

Kara (about Alexis): “You’re a naughty girl, and I like it!”

Oh yeah, and don’t forget that Alexis has the 36 phone number not 13. The pimp spot of going last is really more of a curse tonight. Why does it seem like they are trying to get rid of the awesome Alexis?? And Lil going first tonight is strange also. Either The Idiots In Charge think that she’s safe or it’s a conspiracy. Or I am crazy. Whichever.

As Randy said at the beginning of the show, it’s “anyone’s game” at this point. That is judge-speak for “anybody can go home except Adam Lambert.”

The worst singer was “caw caw” Megan but the judges are determined to keep her around no matter how awful she sounds. Sadly Anoop did not do well tonight, but hopefully he will get a chance to redeem himself.

P.S. What was up with Simon and Paula’s “will you stop touching me” moments tonight? If those two crazy kids don’t straighten up we’ll have to turn the car around and they’ll be no ice cream for anybody!

P.S. S. Also, new drinking game – every time Kara says “ridiculous,” take a drink. By the end of the show, we’ll be “sick.”

The Joke(r) is Over – the Wild Cards are Aces

There is an old saying: “You can’t fight city hall.” Well, we have learned from American Idol, this season especially, that you also can not fight The Idiots In Charge.

Since we might as well face the fact that there is a possibility of Tatiana Del Drama staying with the show for the unforeseeable future, we’d better figure out a way to tolerate her. So I’ve decided to make a list of Tatiana’s admirable qualities:

1.

I think we might be in trouble.

Here at Aunt Pearl’s house we gather around the TV expecting the worst. I realize that there are much more important things going on in the world today – creepy famewhorish Octomom, that Dumbo swimmer’s bong scandal, A-Rod’s way more ignorant cousin, the First Lady’s right to “bare arms,” stupid bailouts of filthy stinking rich people, poor Rihanna’s face, and this season of Heroes which sucks beyond the telling of it. This is just to name a few. Oh yeah, and the stock market and whatnot.

However, everyone needs something in their lives that brings them joy, that brightens their mediocre days a little bit. Everybody deserves a hobby even if it’s just watching a TV show and blogging about it.

A few years ago I read an incredible book called “If Satan Can’t Steal Your Joy.” American Idol, please don’t be Satan.

Whew. Glad to get all that off my chest.

So tonight Ryan is dressed like a guy leaving a bar when he’s had one too many – no tie, shirt all askew. All of us need a drink to prepare for the onslaught ahead. Randy looks like a crossing guard and bright pink Paula cheers for herself because cheerleading is a SPORT, dagnabbit!

First up is bluesy red-head Jesse Langseth who looks lovely in a black cocktail dress. Too bad she decided to throw grandma’s shrug over it on her way out the door. And out the door she will be; she is not doing too well on “Tell Me Something Good.” This is no longer a real song but a TV commercial ditty. If Jesse would just shut up and SING without all the vamping and posing she might do better. The judges say almost that exact same thing except you know, ruder. Jesse’s given it her best “Sasha Fierce” swagger but it was not good enough for a coveted top 12 spot. She thanks Simon for calling her “self-indulgent.”

The old Jackson 5 ballad “Who’s Loving You” is given the Matt Giraud treatment. Hopefully this will banish the echoes of his last performance. Obviously these kids are styling themselves because Matt is mixing genres with a gangster hat and western scarf. One or the other dude; both of them together is all kinds of wrong. Vocally Matt redeems himself on this soulful performance although he gets a bit tourettes-like toward the end. All of the judges are thrilled to have this Matt back, by a billion times. Thank goodness Simon calls him on the outfit, but he also plays the Taylor Hicks card like it’s a bad thing. Matt will be hard to beat.

Megan Corkery has flattened her long blonde hair again and looks like a school girl on the way to ballet class. She has a very pretty face, but her rendition of “Black Horse and the Cherry Tree” is not nearly as good as K.T.’s or even Kat McPhee’s. Sorry token pretty blonde. Her low notes are too low and when she tries to go high it’s a hot mess. Sure she gets points for being “quirky” and of course the judges love her all over the place. They keep saying that it’s okay that she’s not the best singer, but we need this year’s Kristy Lee Cook and that other blonde could sing better so she didn’t fit in. Got that saga? Good. Megan Joy is a shoo-in for the wrong reasons.

Poor Von Smith is scared right to a kewpie-haired death tonight. He has the deer-in-headlight look and we can all read his mind – “Do not scream at the audience. I am not Billy Mays and am not selling OxiClean.” Unfortunately, his rendition of “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word” is putting babies to sleep until he ramps it up a notch. Von should forget everything that he’s been told and just crank it! We all know how wonky the judges are with their in the box/ out of the box jive. They do call Von on being boring and dark; Paula gets technical about essence and whatnot. Sorry, Von. Good-bye is probably the real hardest word.

Jasmine Murray is a lovely young lady and looks extra “commercial” tonight. (Lordy, I am learning to loathe that word.) My Kid proclaims that she KNEW Jasmine was the next Disney star, as the teenage singer delivers a proper “Reflection” from Mulan. This song has been done better on Idol, but we’ll take Jasmine over these other gals anytime. Her very arched eyebrow is distracting and makes her look like she has a question for the judges. They tell her that she was pretty darn good. And commercial. But darn it she can actually sing and that was not part of the bargain! Then poor Jasmine has to endure Judge Smackdown 2009. This show, man.

Someone needs to buy Ricky Braddy some clothes. The pants and vest he’s wearing must have been in his closet since he was 12. His outfit is so distracting that we barely take notice that he’s singing “Superstition,” a song that Bucky rocked a few years ago. (Add a hat and scarf and he’s Matt Giraud. It would be hard to figure out who was who in a line-up.) Ricky lets loose with one high note like the tax man shot by Cupid’s arrow in the hilarious H&R Block commercial. Paula and Kara are still Ricky fans but the guy judges are not digging him tonight. Randy even plays Simon’s “self-indulgent” card.

Lordy oh mighty everybody. Tatiana Del Torro is OFF the meds! She is back in meltdown mode! So we all want to know – why is she singing “Saving All My Love For You” again?? This is the 3rd time, counting Hollywood Week. Is she like a parrot or a wind up toy? A robot? One of the “dolls” from Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse? That would actually explain A LOT. As we already know, the gal has a decent voice but it does not make up for the psychosis. She will not STHU and let the judges talk. Del Torro even steals poor Jorge’s line about not being able to think in English – so now we can add “thief” to her list of crimes against American Idol.

Anoop Desai Dog, please take us away from all this… we beg you. During Hollywood Week, we saw a brief snippet of Anoop grooving to Bobby Brown’s “My Prerogative.” He gives us more of that tonight. Although the back-up singers do most of the heavy-lifting on this song, at least Desai is BACK! Finally there is some excitement going on up in the house; Paula is on her feet, y’all. The judges like “nasty” jamming Anoop better than ballad Anoop and we concur. Although they do mention that the song is a repeat, they’re mostly okay with it. Anoop “Brown” makes everyone smile. Then he gives a shout-out to Chapel Hill and Eve Carson’s memory and it makes me cry.

Our eight Wild Cards have given their best and now it’s time to announce the judges’ decisions.

First up are lovely teenage Jasmine and her Eyebrow. We will be seeing her reflection in the Top 12. Yay for Jasmine!! She gets a hug from Allison, the other teenage girl left standing.

Next is Ricky who is still wearing the clothes he had in 5th grade. We had high hopes for Ricky, as he is a NC boy also. His music is all over the internet, but it will no longer be on the show. The writing is on the wall – he is not making it through.

Up next is Megan and Tatiana. Paula dons her Mom Hat to tell both girls that they need to continue their dreams and whatnot. When Megan (woo-hoo woo-hoo) finds out that she and her gross tattoo will be going to the silver stool, she has to hold tight to Del Torro and talk her down from the ledge. This is too freaking ridiculous. The producers and judges, and yes viewers and bloggers (guilty!) have helped create this monster that we see before us now. I blame all of us for paying attention. Tatiana is like a spoiled toddler who is used to getting a cookie every time she goes to the grocery store with Mommy. Soon she’ll be saving all her love for a bad reality show on the E! Channel.

Next is Jesse and although she is just as good a singer as Megan (and according to My Hubby, she is “fine”) she is out of the competition. They can’t tell her something good after all. Simon rubs it in by telling her she ALMOST made it – which is judge talk for: Megan is a marketable blonde and you are not. Maybe Jesse can sing back up for her brother Jonny Lang. As Paula says, your singing career is not over just because your stint on the show is over.

We quickly learn that Von is not making it through either. Although it’s sad (so sad), this one was not a surprise. As it does sometimes, the show has sucked the soul out of him and left us with this empty shell. Von would be good at Broadway or a Brady Bunch remake.

It all comes down to these two … Matt with his ridiculous hat/scarf combo and Anoop who is just cool in every possible way. Which one will it be?

DVRs are cutting out everywhere… seriously. There are going to be some mad folks when they get ready to watch this show after My Name is Earl.

Anyways, Simon tells Matt that they are loving you (but not your weird attire) and that he is the one who made it through. Before My Kid and Hubby and I can even finish shouting at the TV, Simon quickly adds that it was their prerogative to make this year a Top 13.

YAY! Wait. Does this mean Anoop is in? Is he the 13th? My Kid affectionately says to me, “Mom, this is why you are my very favorite slow person.” So yes, Anoop is 13! Not that awful skinny bi doctor on House! But Anoop! The universe is set back to right.

I don’t remember ever seeing a Baker’s Dozen on the show before. What a joyous thing for Anoop and his fans that he made it; the look on his face is priceless.

Now that the Del Torro drama is done, we can all get back to more practical issues to fret over, like the economy and stuff. (We’ve always enjoyed life in the lower-middle range so it’s status quo for us.)

Tonight’s Quotes:

Ryan: “Simon, be quiet. THIS is the Wild Card show and THIS. Is American Idol.”

Ryan (to Tatiana on her knees): “You don’t have to get up for me; you can stay down there – no I mean…”

Simon: “We have like a ‘cat’s chorus’ over here, don’t we?”

Anoop: “Kara, if I can make a Duke girl like you dance for a Carolina guy like me…”
Kara: “Hee haw!”

Next week we’ll get to the “meat” of the competition with the first-ever Top 13. Just as a reminder, they are: Alexis, Michael, Danny, Allison, Kris, Adam, Lil, Scott, Jorge, Jasmine, Megan, Matt, and Anoop. Can’t wait!

3 More are Voted Thru + 8 Crazy Wild Cards

Randy, Kara, Simon, Paula, Ryan

I totally missed it, but yesterday was referred to as Square Root Day – 3/3/09. According to my geek resource, there are only a few Square Root Days in a decade. Wow. I bet Alex and Anoop knew all about this tidbit of mathematical calendar trivia.

Ryan looks like a pall bearer or a hit man; either way it’s appropriate attire for the destruction of dreams. Paula looks especially pretty tonight and seems somewhat articulate. (Does Opposite Day immediately follow Square Root Day?)

It’s results night again which translates to cryin’ time for nine of the twelve singers who performed last night. We see the obligatory montage of the journey of these kids thus far, with a reminder of tears, jumping jacks, and friendships challenged by sing-offs during top 36 night. The best part of this footage is the David Cook song playing behind it.

So far this season we have had current hit songs performed during Group Song time. Tonight’s number is “Hot N Cold,” a bubblegum ditty by pop-tart Katy Perry. She’s one of those I-can’t-really-sing-but-see-how-good-I-look-in-lingerie performers from the school of Britney that I have no respect for. My Kid and I are both surprised at how well the Group 3 singers sound together, even on this ridiculous song. We laugh when they edit the *beyotch* line from the first verse yet they keep in the PMS part.

We had all been wondering how Scott would do with the choreography and luckily all of the guys remain seated; they just sway in their seats a bit. The singing is spot on, much better than the other two groups. I have to chuckle after the “1 2 3 4” is added because My Kid says, “That’s not in the song! Katy Perry can’t count!” (Honestly, I do not know where she get her snarkiness from.)

Recap time from last night… Extra strength manly hair gel was all that Von needed to get by. Hey there, Ju’Not, we love your low-key voice, your soul and your little boy. There was no one (no one) as smoking as Felicia who had a second chance to prove. Alex was a hamster beating a tiger with the mic stand and calling it the blues. The winner did not take all of Arianna to the stage of Mama Mia. Kristen gave us one good reason to vote for her sultry voice and bright orange dress. If Taylor ain’t got shiny pants then she’s got nothing at all and can’t be ten feet tall. This one was for Kendall’s “girls” and oh yeah, for all the females out there, too. Nathaniel would do anything as Olivia Newton-John and Boy George’s love child. Jorge did not let the sun go down on his Puerto Rican accent. Scott could feel the mandolin rain, standing ovations, and high fives. And we don’t want to ever EVER be without Lil Rounds, baybee.

Ryan chats up the contestants for a while… Nate just wants a chance to dial down the drama and prove himself. (Yeah. Good luck with that, dude.) Jorge has his emotions and nerves under control, although it’s “freezing” in California. (English/Spanish, who cares? This guy is adorable in any language.) Felicia feels confident that last night she brought it all to the stage. (We never got a chance to know her though, so no high hopes here.) Ju’Not had an asthma attack at rehearsal but he is better now. (This explains his “shot in butt” comment last night.)

Tonight is full of surprises – right away Ryan announces that Lil Rounds has made it into the top 12. (I sure am glad I only made a bet with myself last night about making her go last.) It doesn’t matter because she is just as fabulous as ever as she gets to channel Mary J. Blige again. We have great expectations for this tornado-surviving young wife and mother of three.

Next Ryan asks these to stand: teenagers Arianna, Taylor, and Alex. None of them seem shocked at the news that they’re going home. My Kid is crushed that her favorite dorky guy is out of the contest. When I tell her that she should write Alex and ask him to prom, she frogs me.

Country Kendall and blind Scott are the next two to stand. Grateful Scott MacIntyre is the one going to the silver stool. This comes as no surprise. Like Randy and his orange glasses, I look forward to when the contestants can play instruments; Scott is more in his element when he’s at the piano. He sounds better on the Bruce Hornsby song tonight than last night. Scott’s been performing for almost his entire life so he is no newbie to the stage.

Next to stand are de-head-banded Nathaniel and sexy (so says My Hubby) Kristen. Neither is going to the top 12. Von “Peter Brady” and lovely Felicia do not make it either. Darn, I like Felicia a lot; she has a very defeated look on her face as she sits down.

The final two standing are Ju’Not and Jorge, who are called to center stage. A funny moment happens when Jorge makes imaginary fists at Ryan – it’s one of those moments you have to see for yourself to enjoy, so it will be on youtube for sure.

When Jorge Nunez finds out he is the one going through, Ryan encourages him to comment however he feels comfortable. He thanks the voters in Spanish but does not get to sing his song again, not yet anyway.

We have 15 minutes left to go so something else must be going on…I am so confused. Oh yeah, forgot… tonight is the announcement of which contestants will be performing in the Wild Card show tomorrow night. Eight singers will be selected from the remaining 27. (This puts the rumors of Jamar’s return to the AI stage to rest.)

The judges, mainly Simon, are excited about the Wild Card show and the format of the selection process this year. He reminds us that Clay Aiken and Jennifer Hudson were previous Wild Card picks and they have gone on to have successful post-Idol careers.

Each judge will have a turn to announce a Wild Card contestant. Randy’s first singer is Von Smith. My Hubby is glad about this but I’m not so crazy about him. Hopefully he will heretofore avoid hats and yelling. Time will tell.

Kara likes Jasmine Murray because she’s commercial with a capital “C” but we like her for a different reason – the little gal is talented. Kara advises her to “kill us” but not in a James Patterson or J.D. Robb way.

It is no surprise that Paula’s choice is Ricky Braddy. Chatter on the ‘net has had her touting him as her favorite. Also, there were rumors that the producers were miffed that his status was leaked early on in the competition. Perchance that is why zero footage of him was shown the first few weeks?

When Simon calls Megan’s name, she runs down the stairs so fast that she and her ugly tattoo are both blurs. (Silly Simon says that she’s from group one but that is incorrect – she was a group two performer.) Megan is a good singer but between the hyper-ness and weird affectations, she has a long way to go to be a real contender. She’s very photogenic though, and for The Powers That Be that makes better reality TV.

We are back to Randy who insists that this was not his idea alone – oh my God. No. Nooooooooo. Tatiana is back. She’s a Wild Card pick. Give. Me. A. Break. Why judges? Were the producers holding machine guns to your heads? Have the Latin Mafioso taken your families hostage? What gives American Idol? Tatiana makes the moron who called 911 because of McDonalds lack of chicken nuggets seem like a rocket scientist. And the idiot bus driver who beat up McGruff is a freaking genius next to this Del Toro chick.

Moving on. Kara picks Matt Giraud and I don’t really care anymore about anything at this point. He massacred Coldplay so badly a couple of weeks ago that it should have been the end for him, but they don’t care. They want to see him play piano again. Which is fine. Whatever.

I cheer up for just a second when Paula says that Jesse Langseth is also one of the Wild Cards who will be performing tomorrow night. Then I quickly realize that a) Jesse and Megan kinda cancel each other out and b) Jesse has one of those grating bring-the-straight-jacket personalities, too.

It’s anti-climatical at this point to learn from Simon that Anoop is the last of the eight contestants chosen. My Kid and I are excited about him getting another chance because he seems like a really cool guy. Oh, and he has a great voice. Obviously not a priority this season though, ya think?

There are 19 deservedly PEE OHED singers still sitting on the couch. Almost any of them would be a better choice for Wild Card than Tati-hahahahahahaha-na. I sincerely wish that the producers would let this girl go back to the mental health facility from which she escaped to get the help she so obviously needs.

ALL of the girls should be stomping their feet and cussing right now. Especially Felicia Barton who blew us away last night with her vocal (and sanity!)

Sweet Jorge finally gets to sing a few notes of the Elton John song before the Lie to Me show starts. (Very appropriate show to follow American Idol because The Idiots In Charge are all lying liars who lie. This is a talent competition?? HA!)

Oh well… there’s our eight Wild Card contestants, like it or not. Finding out tonight and performing tomorrow night does not leave a lot of time for them to practice, but hopefully they’ve all had something in mind.

DANG IT BOBBY! I did not get the contestants I wanted so maybe I’ll call 911. Or find McGruff, slap the crap out of him just for kicks, and call it “being funny.” Not much different than season 8 of Idol so far.

Quotes of the Evening:

Alex: “I would rather lose being myself than win being anybody else.”

Ryan: “Darth Vader, who is next?”
Simon: “Can you stop being a smartass for tonight?”

Well, My Kid and Hubby and I are still beyond flabbergasted. Which was the intention all along, to generate buzz. Ratings are down after all. WONDER WHY??

Hey Jasmine, when you finish “killing” the judges, can you come do us in, too?

The 3rd Group of 12 Just May Be the Charm

It’s Tuesday so it must be American Idol time. Yay. My world is set to right again after last week’s No Idol Tuesday.

Here in the Triangle Area we have had our 3rd snow storm, which is three more than we usually have. So it’s been a cold, miserable day of melting ice and getting boots (and tires) stuck in the mud.

Hopefully the sun in Calee-forn-yay is shining as bright as the AI stage tonight. The remaining 12 contestants that make up Group 3 nervously await their turn in the spotlight as Ryan goes on and on about how these folks have given up absolutely EVERYTHING to be here tonight. Good news for three of this group but for the other nine, not so much.

One of our early favorites, Lil Rounds, will be performing tonight; I can not wait to see how she does. So far she has been every level of awesome that exists, so we have high hopes. It is nice to know that she’ll be getting the coveted “pimp spot” tonight; last is where they put the front-runners, as we all know.

Ryan does the obligatory chat with the judges, and yes Kara is still there despite the alleged feud between her and Paula. Simon complains about song choice so much that when ribbed about His Highness choosing songs for everyone, he volunteers to do just that. I’ll buy that action; sounds like a good plan to me.

The spot of doom belongs to Von Smith tonight, he of the Heat Miser hair and over-the-top voice. He promises to dial it down a couple of notches, but we have heard that before. My Hubby likes Von and thinks that with the right training he could be fabulous. Surprisingly, tonight Von does a good job on Marvin Gaye’s “You’re All I Need to Get By.” So far he’s the only person going first in the group rounds who has been a keeper. The judges agree that he has started the evening off the right way – by not being cannon fodder. Simon plays the Clay Aiken comparison card and Von’s red sweater is okay with that.

Next up is tall teenager Taylor Vaifanua who is stunningly beautiful tonight. She seems like a more sophisticated Jordin Sparks on the Alicia Keys song “If I Ain’t Got You,” which I think she sang during Hollywood Week. Taylor does a decent job but loses her notes in some places. We expect the judges to shout “She’s just 17! SEVENTEEN!” but they hold back on doing that, thankfully. The lady judges do go on a bit about how they didn’t get to “know” Taylor, which leads to a conversation about shopping somehow and then things get weird. Taylor just stands there with tears and it’s sad. She seems aware that with this new voting format she’s likely a goner.

My Kid’s favorite nerdy guy, Alex Wagner-Trugman is up next to the stage. He and Ryan chat a bit about going to the gym and it looks like they are also wearing the same shirt, which is cool. Unfortunately, Alex does not do justice to the old Elton John tune “I Guess that’s Why They Call it the Blues.” Of course I do not mention this to My Kid, lest I get frogged. But even she has to admit that he seems like a little kid getting up after dinner and performing for company. Although Alex swears that knocking over the mic stand was not a Taylor Hicks trick (it was an accident) the judges scold him and put him in time out.

We learn that Arianna Afsar will be singing an ABBA song, but it’s probably because she heard it in the recent movie Mama Mia. Hopefully, she will sing “The Winner Takes it All” better than Meryl Streep but then, ugh she kinda doesn’t. Yikes. We like this teenager a lot because of her Adopt-a-Grandparent Program, but this was not a good song choice for her. The judges are unanimous in their critique and apologize for calling her “cute as a button,” which seemed to lead Arianna to this disastrous song choice. Although they usually tell singers to make songs their own, this time they say she should have stayed with the melody.

It must be Repeat Your Best Hollywood Moment tonight because Ju’Not Joyner sang “Hey There Delilah” already. I remember it because a) My Kid loathes that overplayed song and b) I really liked Ju’Not’s soulful version of it. Tonight he does not disappoint. He turns an annoying ditty into a meaningful, understated R&B ballad. Plain White T’s should be nervous because Ju’Not has KILT their song. In a good way. Gladly, the judges agree that he did a great job but want him to bust it out full blast next time. Everything is going well until Joyner goes into TMI territory about his cortisone shot. (Less is more, JJ.)

One of my favorite songs from the early 90s was “Give Me One Reason” by Tracy Chapman. It will be given the Kristen McNamara treatment tonight. Although not one of my picks of the season so far, the former two-toned singer does a pretty good job. She looks lovely and her voice is bluesy and fabulous. I hope we get to see more of her. Kara mistakenly tells her she should be doing a Kelly Clarkson song; I can not STAND it when current contestants perform songs from past winners, just rubs me the wrong way. For the most part, they all liked her performance even though she gets the karaoke card.

Self-admitted Drama Queen Nathaniel Marshall is up next and I’m sorry, but barf. There is nothing even remotely attractive about his outfit or his appearance. His voice is passably pleasant on the Meat Loaf song “I Would Do Anything For Love” but he “won’t do that,” not even for Culture Club. (We STILL do not know the mystery of what the secretive “that” is and at this point we don’t want to know.) Simon tries really hard not to let his revulsion show, but too late – the cat is out of the bag. The other judges try to cover and we are so GLAAD, lest the fire is flamed (pardon the pun.) Gawd, moving on please.

The next gal to hit the stage tonight is Felicia Barton, who talks about getting the fateful call that she was back on the show after not making the first cut of 36. (There’s no mention of Joanna Pacitti.) According to what I’ve read, Felicia and her husband are heavily involved in music at their church. Tonight she looks like a young Joan Jett; she is a gorgeous young woman with good stage presence. Another Alicia song is featured and although “No One” can do it justice the way Ms. Keys can, it’s not too bad. Felicia loses a couple of notes but for the most part does excellent. The judges call her on the big song choice but don’t beat her up too badly.

Scott MacIntyre is next and he is doing “Mandolin Rain” by Bruce Hornsby. He seems somewhat at a loss of what to do without the piano but his vocals are great. He has an amazing talent that stands on its own accord and merit, so hopefully his blindness will not even be mentioned tonight. As Simon says “if I’m being honest,” three out of four judges overcompensate with the praise. Kara confuses everybody by saying the vocal does not matter, because we all know that it emphatically does. Simon likes Scott and predicts that he’ll make Top 12 tomorrow night. Ryan and Scott high-5 for real and it’s a sweet thing to watch.

Because we always have to have a Kellie Pickler or Kristy Lee Cook in the mix, tonight’s token country girl is Kendall Beard. At least this little gal can sing her heart out. She does not do perfect on “This One’s for the Girls” but let’s face it – only Martina McBride can do Martina McBride. Kendall seems to have a carefree, fun, joyful spirit and we like her. For the most part, the judges think she’s okay and she’ll probably get the county vote, but they don’t have high hopes that she will make it beyond tonight. Poor Kendall has to hear Simon say that he couldn’t wait for it to end. (I feel kinda the same way about all country music so can relate.)

Another Elton John song is next, with Jorge Nunez performing “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me.” When I hear this song these days, I think of David Archuleta and how he became a Real Live Boy after singing it last year. Although I don’t expect to go crazy over Jorge’s version, it’s surprisingly very good. His voice is practically perfect in a stylized, professional way. Not my favorite type of male voice, but he’s got mad skills and the judges agree. Since they told him in Puerto Rico to work on losing the accent, now they are telling him that he should get it back. And Jorge? Run! Paula wants to squeeze you.

The lady that we’ve waited all night for is next – Ms. Lil Rounds. Here at Aunt Pearl’s house, we love everything about this gal, from her accent to her attitude. Oh yeah, and she can sing her hiney off! Lil does the Mary J. song that Paris Bennett did a couple years ago, “Be Without You.” Other than an awkward pause where a cuss word usually lives, Lil does an A #1 perfect job! She is my favorite of this entire season so far but I won’t say that too loud lest I jinx her. Thankfully the judges agree and Lil gets called good things like “brilliant” and “powerhouse.” Paula even makes a funny pun all by herself. Awww.

So tonight’s show beat last week’s by a country mile. Then again it would not have taken much. Only Arianna and Alex truly blew it this evening which is sad because they are both very likable kids. At least they have something cool to talk about when they get back to school.

Tonight’s Best Quotes:

Ryan: “Shopping, Simon. It’s where you go to get shirts from this decade.”

Paula (to Nate): “You're the guy I would want to go to karaoke with!”

Jorge: “When I get so emotional, I can barely think in English.”

Paula: “I expect to see many more 'Lil' rounds.”

My predictions for top 3 this week include (of course) Lil Rounds. Who cares about the other two? For the guy, it will probably be Scott but for the wrong reasons. Ju’Not and Jorge also did great tonight. Kristen and Felicia did above average. It’s almost anyone’s game at this point.

Five bucks says that Lil will be placed in the “last two standing” with Nathaniel tomorrow night. It’s easy money because that’s the kind of tricks those sneaky Idiots in Charge have pulled on us lowly viewers. But don’t hate the playa, hate the game, right?

Until tomorrow night, when six will become nine.

The Next 3 of the Top 12 Are A’right

Brooke White

I’ve been fighting a migraine all evening so my tolerance level for BS is set to less than zero. It feels like Sylar is cutting into my brain, but I have no superpowers for him to steal. Unless you count the ability to talk FOR-EV-ER about all things Idol, and I doubt that’s anything he’d want.

Speaking of Heroes, that show is going downhill as rapidly as this one, yes? Can either of them be saved? It’d be cool if there could be a crossover. Different networks, so it’s not possible, but a gal can dream. Simon could be the one whose touch turns everyone to ice and they freeze and shatter. But enough of that nonsense because it’s time to get down to the business of destroying nine lives.

“What. Have. You. Done?” asks Seacrest. He is thinking that hopefully none of the 25 million votes were cast for the Richard-Simmons-meets-Olivia-Newton-John class clown.

We are reminded that tonight’s top 3 will be the female and male with the highest votes, and then “whoever” is next. They will join last week’s Group One survivors Alexis, Danny, and Michael.

Quick flashes to audition-Hollywood-chair. We are reminded that Kris, Jesse and Mishavonna had little to no air time and poor Hot Legs Jeanine had nada. Dreams and destiny and babies mixed with lots of hugs equals pure mush.

The group song is “Closer,” by someone I do not know and have never heard of. I wonder if it is like a cool Brenda Johnson “(The) Closer” or a bad Julia Roberts “Closer?” The lyrics are somewhat nasty for a show during family hour, so it’s more like the latter.

Since I have no basis for comparison, the singing does not sound that bad to me. Nick/Norman obviously does not know the words or how to move about in a group setting. Of course, the rest of them don’t either except for Adam who is (as we all know forever and forever) Broadway’s favorite son/daughter/thang. Anyways, they “just can’t stop” for a thousand years of singing in unison with no apparent harmony.

Recap time… Jasmine was not going to write Disney a love song even if they asked for one. Matt G. could not remember ever ruling the world without his piano. This love was taking its toll on Jeanine and her long legs. The American Idol logo was molested by Nick/Norman and his sassy pants. If we could only see the way Matt B. chose this song maybe we would understand. What becomes of the broken hearted is what Kai’s fright-fro wants to know. Kris was looking at the man in the mirror and it looked like Archie in 10 years. All the boys thought Jesse was a spy and wondered who’s Bette Davis? Adam tried and he tried and he tried but couldn’t get there cuz that happens sometimes when you’re bi. Megan put her records on right next to her white dress’s pom poms. Mishavonna had drops of Jupiter in her hair-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh. Allison wanted to know how to get “chew” alone and dye your hair red.

Because we all love Q&A from nervous contestants, it’s now time for Round Table with Ryan. Nick just wants employment. (May we recommend America’s Got Talent or Last Comic Standing?) Matt is not too old to learn new things and take advice from the snarky Brit. (He tries to make nice but Cowell ain’t having any of it.) Jesse makes weird faces and acts like the dumb one in Mean Girls. (But can she tell the weather with her boobs?) Jeanine admits to owning a fine pair of sticks and makes no apology for the boots-with-shorts combo. (Perhaps there will be another season of Farmer Takes a Wife?)

Ryan calls Allison to the stage first. She is a cute girl but the burgundy (dark fuchsia? mahogany?) helmet hair is clashing with the Minnie Mouse shirt and hooker heels. She squees a bit and then “too cool for school” Jesse and big tuff welder Matt B. are also called. Tick tock tick tock, wasting time asking Jackson what he thinks. Dawg.

It’s not really a surprise that Telemundo’s own Allison is the first one to make it to the silver spaceship stool. She is so girly and giggly until! She takes the stage and owns it. My Hubby and I have a girl this very same age and we know that it’s totally possible for them to be that way. It makes Allison a more interesting contestant, and she does the Wilson Sisters proud on their song “Alone.” (Better yet, she makes me forgive my daughter for all of her unfortunate experiments with crazy hair color.)

Next up to the center stage, are husky chick Megan Joy, who has discovered a hair straightener, and brown-eyed cutie-patootie Kris Allen. Added to that duo are piano man Matt G. and Jeanine who’s playing the role of Pocahontas tonight. Or maybe it’s Ellie Mae? No matter because she and Matt are soon sent back to the couches. Now Megan looks like she is going to faint while Kara goes on for a crazillion years about Kris being awesome.

Since we already have one female, it would make common sense for the next choice to be a male. Because the 3rd choice can be anyone, right? And that would ruin some of the suspense. (Oh, but math confuses me.)

When it’s all added up, it’s evident that Kris is the one picked between him and Megan. Even though HE is surprised and so is everybody. We here at Aunt Pearl’s house can not remember a time that a song by Mister Jerkwad, er Michael Jackson actually worked out for anyone.

At any rate, Kris is adorable and Megan will not get to be the random blonde pretty girl in the top 12 this year. At least not yet; Wild Card show still to come lest we forget.

We have to sit through the mirror song again but it doesn’t look like Kris needs to “change his ways” very much. He’s cute in a grown-up WebKinz way and has a serviceable set of pipes.

So the two we have so far – Allison and Kris – have made it to the top 12 in spite of having little air time in the previous six weeks of this show. Wow. Simon was not the only one praying last night.

For no apparent reason other than a way to waste time between now and that ridiculous cooking show, we see an Idols Past montage. It’s the same one that aired at the beginning of the season, with lots of Clay in all his different personas, Elliott’s adorable mom, and all of the winning champs’ confetti. Anything that ends with David Cook being happy is a good thing for me, so I’m okay with this filler.

Thank goodness the “hulu” aliens that abducted Brooke White last year have brought her back safe and sound. America’s favorite barefoot nanny is back at her piano, looking rested, pretty and as sweet as we remember. She sings a song she co-wrote called “Hold Up My Heart” and does not stutter a single note. I am going right to iTunes to purchase this ditty, because it’s a neat song and sunny Brooke is worth 99 cents.

Back to eliminations… wow, Brooke made me forget all that for awhile. Ryan brings the remaining five kids down to the stage. Cute Mishavonna, Kai “Frodo,” Adam “Minnelli,” bedazzled Jasmine, and Nick/Norman/or is it Normund? I don’t care, just want him gone. (If he makes it through, I welcome Sylar to come and finish cutting the top of my head off.)

Ryan dismisses Mishavonna, Kai and Jasmine just-like-that. Poof be gone. Last week’s last two standing was diva Tatiana and shoo-in Danny. Because the producers of this show think that we all have the last name of Gump, we have a déjà vu moment. We are made to believe that it’s now between the (Cl)ass Clown and the Chosen One. Riiiiight.

Just like last week there is fake tension and then! Adam makes it and Nick/Norman/ Normund/ whatever-the-heck is sent back to wherever they locked up Del Torro.

Adam and his very tight pants can still get no “Satisfaction” not even with a chain belt thingy from the Daughtry collection. My Kid is overjoyed because she loves everything about him and his black nails and humongous rings and ironed black hair. Adam has a practically perfect voice but he’s more Edward Scissorhands than Edward Cullen, RANDY.

So now there are six… four guys and two gals, and so far the (mostly) whitest bunch of contestants we’ve ever seen on the show. Two of them shoved in our face from day one, two dark horses, and two talented newcomers.

Tonight’s Quotes:

Allison: “I am just so freakin’ happy right now!” (this is exactly what my teenage kid would say.)

Kris: “I feel really freakin’ nervous right now.” (ditto to above)

Paula: “Simon, you’re a GNAT!”

Brooke White (to the contestants): “Don’t google your name.”

Simon: “I’m hoping me and God have got a good relationship right now.”

The last group performs next Tuesday: Arianna Afsar, Ju’Not Joyner, Kristen McNamara, Nathaniel Marshall, Lil Rounds, Jorge Nuñez, Kendall Beard, Scott MacIntyre, Felicia Barton, Von Smith, Taylor Vaifanua, and Alex Wagner-Trugman.

I am most excited about Lil and hope she does well. It will be interesting to see how they spin Felicia replacing controversial Joanna Pacitti.

Wednesday will be results night for group 3, which will bring us 9 total contestants that have been voted through by the masses. Thursday is the Wild Card show and the judges will pick the final 3 of the top 12. With four judges and only 3 silver stools, someone is getting left out. Now who needs Sylar?

The 2nd Group of 12 Do Not “Bring It”

I was looking forward to American Idol all day yesterday, just to find out that it had been moved to tonight. From January to May, Tuesday without Idol is like SpongeBob without Patrick. Dean Winchester without his Impala or Jack Bauer without explosives.

Hopefully it will be worth the wait because it’s been a long day. Casual Day Ryan tells us that we are the Judge & Jury and will decide which three of tonight’s singers will advance to the Top 12.

Ryan chats with the judges who are thankfully aligned in a row in which we are familiar, with Simon on the end where he belongs. The judges tell the contestants that they need to “bring it” with the “right songs,” and Kara’s hair looks pretty.

The gal who drew the short straw in the spot of doom is cute teenager Jasmine Murray. I have liked her from the beginning when she sang the Fergie song. Tonight she’s doing the one that Ann Marie dissed last week, “Love Song” by Sara Bareilles. Jasmine does okay, considering what she has to work with. This ditty is repetitive and gets stuck in your head but does not showcase her vocal talent very well. At critique time, she’s told that she is pitchy and all over the place. The good news is that she is “commercial,” you know, like a shiny red Ford 150 pickup truck. Jasmine says that she had fun so it’s all good.

Unlike last week’s “family in the red room,” tonight they stay in the audience away from Ryan’s microphone. We do not even get to see if they have cool tee shirts. Bummer.

Another random observation: where the heck are Rickey Minor and the band?? Are they backstage? Are the contestants singing to backing tracks? (If so, that is a big step back for this show.) And why aren’t any of them playing instruments like last year? Not sure what is going on this season…

Up next is Matt Giraud, who did so well during Hollywood with his keyboard and Ray Charles style. Tonight he’s doing the Coldplay song about when iTunes ruled the world. His voice and performance are both painful; he’s like Nemo in the fish tank instead of the ocean. It’s just that bad and seems to never end. It sounds like he’s singing into a fan and not the good CD-buying kind. All of the judges agree that the viewing audience should remember how great he did earlier in the season and forget tonight. Simon even cuts to the chase and calls it horrible. Looks like Matt will be back to dueling-piano-playing soon.

We have not had a chance to meet Jeanine Vailes yet, so she makes up for it by appearing half nekkid. Daisy Duke only wishes she had short-shorts this revealing. Paired with a tuxedo jacket and CFM shoes, at least she’s got the “I must look like a slut in my music video” thing going for her. Unfortunately, she sings the Maroon 5 song that Blake Lewis did better, “This Love.” The background vocals are not blending with her voice at all. After telling her eight thousand times that she has “great legs,” she finally gets a “nice lips,” too. Nothing good about her song choice though.

Next up is the bane of my Idol existence, Nick/Norman Mitchell/Gentle. Having this dude in the semi-finals is fueling the flames of this show’s critics everywhere and rightly so. It’s like putting Randy Hickey as the point guard in the Final Four. In other words, FOUL! As expected, Nick is ridiculously over-the-top and does a Weird Al Yankovic version of the Dreamgirls song. Simon actually says that he PRAYS Nick does not make it through. (Wow. Simon praying. Not two words I ever thought I’d see together.) Of course the other three think it’s funny as all get-out. Gawsh.

Well, tonight is not going well so far, and I feel almost as sick to my stomach as Nick’s poor dad. Poor guy sat in the audience with that deer-in-headlight look. Here at Aunt Pearl’s house we are contemplating (to paraphrase Ladies Home Journal): “Can This Show be Saved?”

Moving on… red-haired teenager Allison Iraheta is the pride and joy of Telemundo. They don’t tell us during the show about her previous contest winnings because we don’t speak Spanish yet. Allison is giggly and inarticulate during Ryan-banter, but she blows us away with her rendition of Heart’s “Alone.” Carrie who? I like this kid’s voice a lot and so do the judges. She gets a “blew it out da box” from Randy and the old “Phone Book” standard from Paula. They even give her the Kelly Clarkson comparison, which could be the kiss of death. (Carly Smithson anyone?)

Another guy that we have seen very little of, Kris Allen, is up next. Fresh-faced and clean-cut, he looks like he could be David Archuleta’s older brother. My Hubby and I roll our eyes when we hear he’s doing “Man in the Mirror.” White boys should not sing Michael Jackson songs; it’s just creepy. Kris doesn’t have a terrible voice but it’s nothing special, very blah. Like almost everyone before him tonight, Kris gets told that he did better in the earlier rounds. We hope so because we did not get to see that. The judges are mixed and want to say mostly good things, maybe to pull us from this loll we are in tonight.

Megan Corkery is a gorgeous young lady and a single mom. The tattoo on her arm looks like one of those fake sleeves, but alas the gaudy thing is real. She has a unique voice and does mostly good on “Put Your Records On.” There are parts of her vocal that are as off as Antonella’s in season 6 though. Evidently the judges are hearing something totally different than us, because they think she’s great. Kara must have a marketing degree because she goes on and on about the “complete package.” Randy name-drops a few people that he probably has not worked with before because they’re from this decade.

Those within the AI bubble already know that Matt Breitzke is a welder and family man. He also has a very good voice from what we’ve seen so far. Too bad tonight he chooses something all wrong for him, “If You Could Only See” by Tonic. It’s so vanilla and not in a good Breyers Double Churned Light way. Matt can sing much better than this, although at least he is hitting the notes. Simon reminds him of how much he likes the working man but didn’t like the song. The other judges concur and Matt disagrees with them. Never a good idea to talk back, especially when they are not wrong.

Blues artist Jonny Lang’s sister, Jesse Langseth is up next. She is one of those gals who can put on some make-up and look like a completely different person. Her voice sounds like Megan’s, smoky and different. She sings one of my favorite songs when I was in high school – “Bette Davis Eyes.” (Naturally My Kid says WHO?) Jesse does a decent job of Kim Carnes, although she loses some of the higher notes. For some reason, the judges don’t like Jesse as much as we think they should. Jesse doesn’t help matters by going into Brooke White babble mode. “Too cool for school?” Nah.

Caretaker Kai Kalama sure looks better with a hat on. He has a really handsome face when the caught-in-weed-whacker ‘fro is covered. Tonight Kai sings an old R&B song “What Becomes of the Brokenhearted.” His voice is fine, but like so many others tonight he is playing it too safe. There is no “oomph” to his performance. Although Kai sang better than most of tonight’s folks, he gets ripped to shreds during judge time. Every card is played from “pitchy” to “hotel singer.” It seems the judges are harsher on the ones that they don’t think are as “commercial” even if they sing better.

Cute teenager Mishavonna Henson promises America that she will not let us down tonight. Not sure how she can keep that promise when she says she’s singing “Drops of Jupiter,” one of the most annoying songs ever. Her voice sounds okay for the most part, and thank goodness she does not show us a “permanent scar” like Ace Young did a few years ago. Her outfit screams young Jenna Rink in 13 Going on 30. After arguing about what the stupid song even means, the judges finally tell Mishavonna that she needs to loosen up and act her age. Simon even says she’s cold, as if he can talk.

We are reminded for the zillionth time that Adam Lambert is a seasoned pro at theatrical performing. Of course he is in the pimp spot this evening because that is how this show rolls. Adam promises to get the over-singing under control and dial the flamboyancy down a notch. It looks like he is successful because he goes a good job on “Satisfaction;” he does not try to mimic Mick Jagger’s vocal style. However, towards the end he goes way above and beyond the call of duty. That sound your cat makes when you hit its tail with the rocking chair? That’s Adam. Naturally the judges love him six ways from Sunday.

There is no doubt that Adam Lambert will be one of the three passed on to the top 12 tomorrow night. Who the other two will be is anyone’s guess. If the judges have their way, the female contestant will be pretty blonde Megan although Allison sang the best tonight. As long as one of them is NOT Nick Mitchell, I don’t really care.

Best Quotes:

Ryan: “You look great in every seat, Randy.”

Ryan: “You should see me do the ‘Cold Hearted Snake,’ Paula.”

So ends the worst episode of American Idol ever in eight seasons. As My Kid says, Oh Em Gee. THAT was ruff. With apologies to Buffy Summers, tonight’s show happened to “on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it.”