Top 24 Ladies and Gents

2/21/06
We are finally getting to the heart of the competition! Trite banter between Ryan and the judges must be endured as well as…more highlights and filler fodder of how the Top 24 got here. (I have one question about the quick clips…why was Mandisa in tears and who do I pummel??)

FINALLY…in order of appearance…

Mandisa – Class act all the way; she is absolutely gorgeous and proves that ya don’t have to be Barbie doll sized to be a sexy woman. She rocks it out with Heart’s “Never.” There are no words to express how much I love this woman. Judges agree… “hot,” “phenomenal,” “fantastic,” “you have thrown down the gauntlet to the other girls.” Mandisa is awesome from start to finish, head to toe; she has a great sense of humor, too.

Kellie – She’s adorable in her clip segment and plays the pity card, dedicating a song to her imprisoned dad. She sounds okay but a little too whiny on a Martina McBride song. Judges agree somewhat… “nerves in the air,” “unpretentious,” “you have the likeability factor.” Any comparisons between Kellie and Carrie should come to an end tonight – Carrie was quiet but Kellie is very chatty, in a cutsey-pie way.

Becky – Wow, she is pretty. I still think she (and her twin) look like Heather Locklear with brown hair. Her singing is kinda rough and howling-dog-bad at the end. Judges agree somewhat… “great looking girl,” “you have charm and stage presence,” “visually a 10 but the voice is a 6 ½,” “better than expected.” Becky’s so gorgeous, who cares if she can’t carry a tune in a bucket, right?

Ayla – She seems like a nice girl but sorry, I can’t get past her “something smells” expression, looking at Ryan like he just pooted or something. She does a great job on a song from the Disney flick Mulan. By the end of the song, I am really liking her. Judges agree…“showed vulnerability,” “hard worker,” “pleasantly surprised.” Ayla was good, but her chat with Ryan at the end leaves me thinking - pampered princess much?

Paris – She is absolutely adorable with a cute Minnie Mouse speaking voice. This little gal brought the house down with “Midnight Train to Georgia.” Bouncy, bubbly, young, with big beautiful eyes. Judges agree… “amazing,” “a little firecracker,” “a show-woman,” “incredibly confident.” Word to Randy - I don’t think we need to be reminded that Paris is from a musical family; she proves herself all on her own.

Stevie – The opera-trained gal; she’s so pretty but…What was that?? Some Josh Groban song. Hmmm. No clue what she meant to do here. Judges agree somewhat… “found myself daydreaming,” “very brave, ethereal,” “like a horrible Sunday lunch and a child getting up to sing out of tune.” Stevie looks sad, kinda lost, out of place. But as pretty as any of the gals on The O.C. TV show.

Brenna – Ugh, must we be reminded of how obnoxious she was in the Ho’wood round? Then she does a complete turnaround on her clip segment by talking sweet about her mom. In spite of that, the only good thing that came out of her being on stage was the banter with Ryan. (It was cute how he mimicked her posing.) Judges agree … “too safe,” “humble pie was needed,” “completely horrible,” “what you see in some ghastly hotel.” Brenna plays the diva card again. A waste, except the whole “muzzle” interchange between Paula and Simon was too funny!

Heather – We have not seen much of her yet, so I am guessing that she got into the Top 24 based on looks alone. She is cute in a Hooters/cheerleader kinda way. She is from NC and I want to like her. Oh gosh, who let her do the AI4 theme song?? Judges agree… “kinda boring,” “not a great performance,” “sang it like someone taking an elocution lesson.” Heather's saving grace is that she is a self-professed “AI stalker.” Paula reminds her of how pretty she is. Aw, like she needs it.

Melissa – Who the heck is this chick? She is another one who got no previous air time, which is not a good sign. Flashbacks show a lot of cleavage; she has a bod to die for, cute in a party girl kind of way. She massacres a Faith Hill song, though. My doggies are whining at the TV, it’s that bad. Judges disagree … “you worked it out,” “a shining moment,” “you were overshadowed but sang it well.” Huh? Whatever. Melissa complains about not having any previous airtime on the show; girl's got spunk.

Lisa – She is sweet, cute, good in a Star Search kind of way. She does a Jennifer Holliday song, which is way too old for her. Reminds me of a wind-up doll for some reason. Too polished, too perfect, if that is even possible. Judges totally disagree … “I’m impressed,” “you're a precious little gift,” “from start to finish you are a star,” “special, night to remember.” Something bugs me about Lisa; she reminds me of a “Stepford” AI contestant.

Kinnik – Another of the “where the heck did she come from?” gals; I don’t recall any back story on her. Absolutely gorgeous and great voice on a song I’ve never heard. She is lovely and sophisticated with a beautiful smile. Reminds me of Vonzell a little. Judges disagree somewhat ... “middle was rough,” “powerful,” “elegant and regal but a very cabaret performance.” Kinnik has a good sense of humor and is a classy lady.

Katharine – She is cute and bubbly but seems emotional in her flashbacks. Oh yeah, she’s the one whose mom is a scary vocal coach. (And why spell Katherine that way?) Anyhow, she does an old Barbra Streisand song... (Could that be the inspiration for the cutesy spelling?) Her voice is smooth and excellent. Commands the stage like a pro but seems older than her actual years while performing. Judges agree … “loved it,” “gave your all,” “owned the stage,” “the best tonight.” Katharine is so zany and has a sparkling personality; she’s a hoot!

Some general observations …

The Catty Comment Award goes to Ryan when he told Simon, “I would have worn a T-shirt under that sweater…”

I noticed that some of the contestants are carrying on the tradition of wearing their rattiest pair of jeans on stage. I do not understand that, but oh well… showing my age I guess.

When the performers are on stage, I think it’s interesting when the camera pans to the balcony where the other contestants are standing. Most of them are groovin’ and clapping to the beat, notably Kellie and Katharine. However, I noticed that Becky was kinda hid in the back and Brenna looked angry a couple of times.

Randy and his dawg pound still crack me up!

My predictions:
Who should go – Brenna because she has a very bad attitude - but for that reason only she will stick around. Becky because her singing was terrible - but she is gorgeous so she will stick around.
Who will go - I think Stevie will leave because no one understands her. And Melissa because no one has heard of her until now.

2/22/06

Bring on the men y’all! First though, a recap of the ladies last night, the good, the bad, the sweet, the mean. After some serious chit-chat between Ryan and the judges, we see highlights of how the guys got to the Top 24.

And now…in order of appearance…

Patrick – I don’t remember much about him from the show so far this year. He seems pleasant enough, reminds me of a high school band teacher. He sings a Melissa Etheridge song for some reason. I liked him much better in his highlights. He’s okay but comes across as a classically trained singer trying to be a rocker… which is kinda what’s happening. Judges agree somewhat… “you did your thing,” “kinda dug it,” “you should stick to what you do best,” “you were fidgety, uncomfortable.” Patrick is gracious and says he will stick to ballads.

David – He’s a cutie pie teen boy from the school of that Suncom guy. He painfully massacres “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” and makes me actually miss John Stevens. Okay, maybe not. Judges agree somewhat… “terrible,” “like a high school play,” “you carried on who you are,” “you need to take yourself more seriously.” David looks shell-shocked but smiles while seeming to choke back tears. Brave guy.

Bucky – Here is yet another contestant that I do not remember seeing very much of in the previous rounds. He is very, very southern and looks okay depending on which angle the camera is pointing. He’s from NC so I want to like him... but he is ripping a Lynard Skynard song to shreds. My dogs are in pure pain. Judges disagree… “cool choice,” “you’re growing,” “very raw.” Geez, whatever. Ryan says Bucky is “unaffected and real” and makes a funny. Yankees everywhere are convinced that all southerners are stoo-peed.

Will – Some say Fred Savage from The Wonder Years but I say add some Peter Brady to that. This little teen guy is absolutely precious and very poised for one so young. Why he chose an old Jackson 5 song is beyond me. Hasn’t he watched the news in the past 10 years? He has a good voice, though, and moves well on stage. Judges agree somewhat… “I was entertained,” “adorable,” “very vintage,” “vocally utterly average.” Will looks heartbroken but recovers well. I like this kid a lot.

Sway – This is one of the guys who was stuck with the “devil beard twin” back in the Ho’wood round. He deserves a medal for that. Alas, his singing tonight is off the chart terrible, there are no words to describe. Is it just because I don’t like this style of music? That falsetto stuff, ugh. Judges disagree for the most part… “we got a hot one tonight!,” “truly amazing,” “pimpy 3rd rate copy of Earth Wind and Fire.” Sway looks like he wants to cut someone. Maybe it’s the gangsta hat?

Chris – He is one of my early favorites from previous rounds; he seems down to earth. Also, just noticed that he is sexy as heck, even though I don’t usually like the shaved head look. Another NC’er! Yay baby. Great rocker voice, good choice on a Bon Jovi classic. Subdued performance, but giving his all vocally. Judges agree… “really really good,” “very current,” “spot on, you are going to go all the way,” “now I’m hearing someone with potential.” Chris is … how do I put this delicately? Wildfire smoldering hot! With a great smile and fantastic voice.

Kevin – He’s the youngest contestant and looks like he escaped from the Beauty and the Geek show. Absolutely precious but he looks too young to be there. He does a power ballad that does not suit him; he’s just not convincing on a heartbreak song. I liked him better in previous rounds. Judges disagree somewhat… “that was the bomb man,” “you make me beam,” “that would appeal to anyone over the age of 90 who is hard of hearing.” Kevin takes it all in stride and is very mature. Until… Ryan sends him to the Kitty Pound pit to get his cheeks pinched by the girls. Cheesy and oh-so scripted.

Gedeon – This guy did not do himself any favors when he showed his arrogance during the last Ho’wood round. (And what is up with the name spelling?) He articulates his words strangely when he speaks but has a smile that would light up a room. He sings “Shout” and does okay with it. Kinda like what you’ve heard many times before, though. Judges disagree somewhat… “very unexpected,” “great surprise,” “marvelous,” “like I was watching the warm up for the Chippendales.” Gedeon smiles throughout trite judge banter. Cute kid.

Elliott – An Amish elf. That is what he reminds me of. But man oh man he can sing like an angel. He was also stuck with “devil beard twin” in the group round, bless his heart. I like his personality, and his banter with Ryan is cool. He sings a Stevie Wonder song and does a good job, practically perfect. Judges agree… “we got another hot one tonight!,” “brilliant,” “effortless,” “potentially the best male vocalist we’ve ever had.” Elliott is overjoyed and he so deserves it!

Bobby – Okay, he says he’s 19. Right and I am 27. (That was a funny joke for those who know me.) In the highlights, it shows Simon telling him he’s like a drunk. On stage, Bobby tortures then kills “Copacabana.” He’s just creepy and I can’t think of one good reason that he made it into the Top 24. Judges agree somewhat… “more on the entertaining side than vocal,” “very risky,” “complete nightmare.” Unless Bobby is smiling, he looks scary. Poor Ryan is caught in a bear hug.

Ace – This guy is gorgeous along the lines of Lowe/Pitt/Cruise. So very pretty, rosy cheeks… wait… he said he is singing “Father Figure” by George Michael???? WHY for the love of God?? Here is another one who never watches the news. Okay, so he sings an awful song very well. And his face is absolutely perfect, not a flaw. I need CPR looking at him! Judges somewhat agree… “you definitely are a star,” “those eyes – hello!,” “you have the X factor,” “brilliant choice of song.” I have to vehemently disagree about the song choice… Ace is only 26, so for him to be a “Father Figure” to someone is just way too creepy! But with that smile he will go far.

Taylor – I have waited all night to see my fave – the gray haired guy. He is funny and so very likeable. Highlights remind us of how delightful he is, with or without his harmonica. On stage, he does an Elton John song that I’ve never heard before. He is superb! My husband loves this song, and he is crazy over Taylor. Have not ever seen The Hubby get into AI as much as he is this year, and it’s because of Taylor! Judges agree… “you got it going on,” “I am one of your biggest fans,” “we saved the best for last,” “interesting.” Wait though… I would like Taylor a lot more if he would be quiet. He is a little chatty in a crazy way.

Some general observations …

I wish the contestants would learn to just BE SILENT during the judges’ critiques.

Randy sure likes to name drop, huh?

Anytime the camera pans to the Kitty Pound, you can tell who the “hams” are!

I noticed at least two digs at Constantine tonight. That is kinda tacky, even though I did not like him.

My predictions:
Who should go – Bobby because he was awful and scary. Bucky because he was awful and scary. Who will go – I think Bobby will leave simply because “America” is not going to vote for someone who looks that much like an Al Qaeda member. (Sorry but it had to be said.) And Gedeon because they ran that “I have it” speech again. We'll see ...

2/23/06

“The See Yas” Round One

It’s the first elimination and Ryan is getting serious, y’all! Boring banter with the judges… now is a good time to go make popcorn. Or take final bets on who is leaving tonight.

I will do my rankings of “fave to least fave” while we wait …

Gals: Mandisa, Paris, Katharine, Kinnik, Lisa, Ayla, Kellie, Stevie, Becky, Melissa, Heather, Brenna

Guys: Taylor, Chris, Elliott, Ace, Patrick, Will, Gedeon, Kevin, David, Bucky, Sway, Bobby

Time for the first group song of the season. The Top 24 sings “Take It Easy” and they do a fantastic job! It’s funny though, how this song is older than most of the contestants all put together.

Recapping…it’s cool how you can almost find a story in the song lyrics…

Simple kinda man Never never! Come to my window awright crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon Because the night belongs to lovers, because the night belongs to love Well I’m wanted wanted dead or alive How far do I have to go to make you understand When the lights go down and the truth is all you see Who could ask for more at the Copa Copacabana, the hottest spot north of Havana Shakes all over like a jellyfish, I kinda like it, crazy little thing called love Leaving on a midnight train to Georgia, oh yeah If you really love me won’t you tell me You are the sunshine of my life He shall be Levon and he shall be a good man Why is my reflection someone I don’t know If you can, I don’t care I am changing To see you smile You say Everything you ask for Won’t you please let me back in your heart One last cry one last cry You know you make me want to, kick my heels up and shout Oh I…… I will be the one who loves you 'til the end of time

First the ladies…everyone looks really good, except Brenna who has a scary hairdo. Idle chatter. Just noticed that Paris is a little cocky and Heather just annoys me. Becky (of all people) seems sweet and unpretentious. Stevie looks annoyed to even be there.

First 3 up – Brenna, Becky, and Kinnik. Beautiful Becky is the first one to go. NEWSFLASH: Becky and her twin posed for racy Maxim photos last year. (Men all over America are on the internet trying to see if those pics are online!) The Beautiful Ones were also on the twins edition of Fear Factor. Sorry, but I just can’t see them eating bugs but oh well… ‘Bye Becky.

Next the guys…and more idle chatter. I like Elliott so much. Kevin’s voice does not match his face. They are both so cool tonight. Ryan changes the format a little and has only two guys come forward… Bobby and Sway. Leaving now is … Bobby. Thank goodness, except that we have to sit through his song again.

Two down, two to go…

Lisa looks tearful and scared for no reason. Brenna is safe, drats! Melissa and Heather are safe too. Stevie is sweet about leaving and seems a little bit relieved. Am really ready for the show to be over at this point.

Ryan has 6 of the guys come on stage, which is so lame. I know it’s TIIC that create this format but please. It’s between Bucky and Patrick. This is so obvious… no wait! Patrick is leaving. Patrick is leaving!!! No. Freakin’. Way. He is more of a gentleman about it than I am, because I am throwing stuff at my TV set.

Good thing I don’t do Vegas because I predicted wrong tonight. Well, 2 outta 4.

General observations …

Catty Comment Award: Ryan to Simon, “I definitely look up to the elderly…”

Aunt Pearl's word of advice - When performing, just because a number is in the song lyric, that does not mean that you have to hold up fingers to indicate what that number is.

I have a theory about elimination night: I think the kids are told ahead of time that they are going so that they can brace themselves. Just a theory...

One of my favorite movie quotes is from Ron (to Hermione) in Harry Potter & the Sorcerer's Stone: “You’re a little scary sometimes. Brilliant… but scary.” This quotes reminds me of Simon!

Thank goodness that's over... but I can't wait for more. I am sick I tell you!

The Ho'wood Rounds

2/8/06
American Idol from Hollywood … a.k.a. Hell Week. What I call Ho’wood (get it?) We are reminded that only 12 guys and 12 girls will remain. Yada yada. I am placing my bets now in the predictions. The prettiest girl (Becky) and cutest guy (Ace) are shoo ins.

This is my least favorite part of the show. Lots of montages of the kids practicing, looking nervous, getting mad at each other.

First montage is a reminder of poor lil Kellie who says she has never sang with a band before and how does the piano player keep up with her and stuff. Whatever. Eye rolling time. Am tired of this chick already.

Now a guy I don’t remember from the audition doing my wedding song, “If.” I like him, and no sob story. Which means he probably won’t make it.

Next, some sightseeing, shots of kids we have not seen before. We are forced to sit through flashbacks of the two self-proclaimed ladies men. I need anti-nausea meds at this point. Until they are sent home and they just can’t take it! Waaaaa.

Now it’s Lisa the teenager, who is a shoo in. She seems like an old pro already.

A montage of hopeless singers who make me think the judges are hittin’ the same pipe as TIIC. More touring, look it’s Paula’s Ho'wood star. More stage stuff, mostly bad. Enjoy that sightseeing kiddos. A lecture from Randy.

Finally someone good! Another little teenage girl with a big voice, Paris. She shows ‘em how it’s done, dawg.

The kids are at the beach. A gal complaining of having a cold. Drama and more drama.

Gray haired guy is up on stage. His name is Taylor. I love this guy. He has the whole Joe Cocker gyratin' thing going on.

Oh spare me the crying cowboy who has never seen the beach before. Splashing around in the water in his jeans.

Some tears as people have to leave. Some jumping up and down, wahoos. Mostly “later, dudes.”

Wow, did I switch the channel to Deal or No Deal? No wait, that's not Howie, it’s the bald rocker with the cute guy and a pretty blonde gal. Talking about a journey. Okay. That means more dang sightseeing. Do they have to rub it in?

The sick girl is totally bummed and whining about people not as good as her blah blah. The judges are sympathetic and prove they are made of human parts and give her another chance. But now LOTS of people are playing the “I Am Sick” card.

Gotta love Paris when she jokes about Ryan having a star on Ho'wood and not Simon. Ha.

Now we have a reminder of the devil beard twins. I don’t care what anyone says, twins creep me out. Sorry, just how I feel. These twins are boy divas. Please get off my TV. ComicView is waiting.

Next a reminder that Carrie won last year. Shots of the kids seeing the Kodak stage for the first time and being in awe. And the devil beard twins whinin' and complainin'. I know it’s wrong to hate but…

We are on Day 2. Clip segments of some weird singing stuff. Why is that pretty guy wearing the same shirt every time ya see him? He has the Constantine stare but is cuter. Ugh, a shot of gross tongue stud girl. Make me yak.

More and more twin stuff. I wish twins were banned. Siblings of any kind. I also wish that Paula could hear with her ears instead of her eyes. Forgettable stuff, way way. Tears and hugs, buh bye.

Now off to some kind of weird magic house, rubbing our faces into the fact that they are off sightseeing while we are stuck at home. Living vicariously through their adventures. Sigh.

The sad little cowboy guy. Awww. I am kinda sick of him. He looks like Michael J. Fox when MJF was about 7 years old. He does not know how to sing with a piano, or move to the beat but TIIC show him trying to do both. My Kid still loves him.

The devil beard twins are up so I am going to go load my dishwasher. I can’t stand those buttholes, they make me heave. Where are the good folks??

Finally… the bald rocker in a pretty blue shirt. He is kinda hot. Honestly into the song he is doing and taking it seriously.

And my favorite so far, Mandisa! I thought she was a myth, it's been so long since I've seen her.

Also, here is the little gal with Mommie Dearest. She is very good and adorable. I can see her in a few months in the Top 2. TIIC have to put her through or her mom will hurt them.

Now we are subjected to Crazy Dave, the idiot that Paula and Randy put through just to tick off Simon. He is certifiable…Gee thanks P&R for risking the lives of the saner contestants. They are regretting it now, yessir.

Montage of people we never saw before crying about leaving, with one gal shouting like she’s in a maniacal pep rally or something, only there are a lot of *bleeps.* But who cares, there are the pretty girl twins looking ab-fab.

So my early faves have stayed in the competition. Notably - Mandisa!!, bald rocker (Chris), gray haired guy (Taylor), little Paris, vocal coach progeny (Katharine).

2/14/06

American Idol from Hollywood Part II…

It is group time. Dreaded, so very dreaded. Oh goody, we meet the Diva of the show, some chick who reminds me of Ana Lucia on Lost. Bad attitude to the max, which means we are stuck with this be-yotch for awhile, dawgs.

Surprise, surprise, the devil beard twins are bickerin' again. I think I will do the crossword puzzle in TV Guide while waiting for this to get interesting. Oh gosh, is that a monster zit on DB Twin 1's face??? Glad I am watching this on an empty stomach. A true LOL moment when he says “This is why… I. Don’t. Do. Groups!”

A shot of the diva eating breakfast with her sunglasses on. Hey, didn’t this chick shoot Shannon, thinking she was one of the Others; Sayid is gonna kick her… wait wrong show.

Way too much airtime is given to devil beard twins. Are they related to TIIC or what? Something is seriously up with this. Oh my goodness…was just reading in the TV Guide that the DB Twins are IN JAIL for mail fraud!!!! All of this obnoxious crap that we are watching was taped weeks ago and we will be RID OF THEM SOON. Thank you Lord.

Group performances… Even the good ones kinda suck. Some of these kids can’t move worth a lick. Here is a tall pretty girl that we have not seen before. Okay, it’s time to start keeping track of who is who… Paris and the pretty girl Stephanie are through to the next round.

Next is the group with DB twin 1. Wow, here is a guy we have not seen yet. He reminds me of the dude from O Brother Where Art Thou, but has a fantastic voice. Also, a bald Asian-looking guy who mangles the words really bad.

Where is the mute button while DB twin 1 complains to the judges? I want to shoot my TV set with a gun. I really do – but I won’t because House is coming on next. O Brother and Bald-Asian make it through and crap so does devil beard twin with zit.

We now have crooners and for crooners they are all pretty good and all make it through, including the Kevin Arnold guy, the Howdy Doody guy, the Harry Connick Jr. Junior guy.

Shots of the kids practicing. The Nanny-looking girl keeps changing groups. She is such a loser.

Oh crap here comes devil beard twin the second. It is speech time, with the quote of the day “MY SPIRIT HAS BEEN BROKEN.” He thinks his brother was cut so he had a fit!!! They could not make this stuff up! It is such good drama.

I don’t care about them anymore, there is my girl Mandisa, I love her more and more. Shots of some other gals singing the same song only not as well. Why bother?

More shots of gals I don’t remember seeing before making it through to the next round. Shots of gals writing lyrics on their arms. Clip segment of fouled-up-really-bad lyrics. Including Mom is My Music Teacher Gal. Shameful.

Back to the loser Nanny girl switching groups again. Lecture time. I expect her to say “Mr. Sheffield!!” any moment.

Some sucky performances come next. The judges are ticked at this point. Sisters hugging and crying, getting on my nerves.

Speaking of nerves, I don’t have any left as devil beard twins beg the judges for forgiveness. GO SIMON as he tells them off and works the crowd.

Another bad performance with the Nanny wannabe sucking really bad. A gal I don’t remember is pretty good. Next is the be-yotch making me despise her more. I need cotton for my ears and have to avert my eyes.

No they are not … yes they are... doing a parody called Brokenote Mountain. It is mean but funny because these guys are so bad they deserve ridicule. Sorry, it’s true. My daughter thinks the little MJ Fox Jr. guy is so cute and adorable. I think puppies are cute and adorable but I do not want to see them sing and dance on stage in cowboy hats.

The over-exposed, now-in-jail-but-we-don't-know-it-yet devil beard twins are told they can stay. Yakking now.

On stage the cowdudes all lose it and all get sent home. (Ever noticed how Simon can say “just ridiculous” and make it sound so sexy?) Hugs and tears and … uncomfortably loooong hugs with the cowgays ensue. Gee, get a room already. Ahem…

Clip segment of gals getting ready. There are some pretty ones this season. Shots of last chance performances. Cue the dramatic music as the judges discuss their decisions and quick shots of contestants are flashed before us like acid trips gone wrong.

The kids are divided up in rooms. Room One – did not make it. Included in this room are dental office girl, the loser Nanny, the blonde “fit model” and a bunch of others I do not remember.

Room Two – they made it! Including bald rocker, beautiful girl, be-yotch, Mandisa!!, bald Asian, and others … flashes so quickly I can’t tell.

Room Three – they made it! Includes little Paris, gray haired guy, wait it's going too fast.

Room Four – they made it! It was a trick! TIIC pulled a fast one. I see The Wonder Years guy, Ace the hottie, Kellie the pitiful.

Well, our 44 semis include all of my faves so far, but unfortunately also include the loathsome devil beard twins. Much jumping and whooping. Fact is so stranger than fiction!

2/15/06

AMERICAN IDOL… from Ho'wood.

Finally... The Top 24 is chosen tonight! I really really want these to make it…MANDISA. Okay she is the only one I really care about. Well, I like the gray haired guy, the bald rocker, and little Paris. I hope the be-yotch is sent packing.

So far, so terrible . . . no one is making it through to the next round. Poor Ryan is having to console them. Most of these did not get much airtime so there ya go.

Wow, here is a beautiful gal who reminds me of Latoya from Season 3… she is good but NOT making it. Crap. Tyra Banks is waiting for you girl!

The Vocal Coach Progeny gal is fussin' to Ryan about the Latoya-looking girl not making it. That leads to highlights of Kat doing some really good singing. She makes it after the judges play stupid mind games with her. Gross, she kisses each judge… on the lips. Yak time.

Highlights of Ace the Pretty One. Cool, he changed shirts finally. I haven’t seen that layered look since high school… 22 years ago!! He makes it, he smiles, Paula fans herself. I haven't seen beefcake that scrumptious since Dean and Sam Winchester.

Next up a diva with a bad attitude, crying with no tears and cussing at the elevator camera. Then a clan of Hussein guy makes it through… WHY? Flash to the diva still ranting something about calling in the Rev, who knows - she's blithering.

A reminder of Simon being a butthole about Mandisa’s weight but she is so cool about it. She tells him that he hurt her but she forgives him… I LOVE HER SO MUCH! She mentions Jesus, gets a hug from the terrible Brit and makes it through! WORK IT OUT GIRL! That’s my girl, dawgs.

Montage of kids waiting and fretting. Some chick with big boobs makes it. I have watched every single episode so far and do not remember her at all.

Highlights of Lisa the Broadway Teen. She is so cute, a shoo in. Ryan interviews her gorgeous mom.

David slash Harry Jr. Junior – he’s okay if ya like that crooning stuff. I don’t but he makes it. Why so many infants this year??

The bald Asian guy named Sway, well it’s his birthday today and he makes it.

The guy who ticked off the devil beard twin, Elliott makes it. He looks like an Amish elf crossed with Delmar O'Donnell.

Oh crap, here come highlights of the diva be-yotch. Bickering with Simon, singing like crap - she makes it of course. Every year TIIC gives this to us as a gift. Someone to loathe. Gee thanks, TIIC.

Next up, some folks who don’t make it through to the Top 24. Some whining about it, some deservedly. Way too much time given over to the one we love to loathe. Lots of NOS in a row. Tears, hugs, ramifications.

Finally, highlights of a cute black guy named Gedeon (what, his mom can’t spell or something?) He is kinda arrogant, yuck on that. My Kid says that he reminds her of Wallace on Veronica Mars. I think he looks like the cartoon character… what’s his name. Will have to look it up.

Highlights of the very pretty gal named Stephanie whose main forte is opera. She makes it through, but girlfrien' that yellow eyeshadow has got to GO.

Next up, highlights of Basketball Playing Senator’s Daughter. She looks like a snob even when they tell her she made it.

Bald rocker dude gets stuck in the elevator… it's nervous time. Highlights of him doing a really good job. Have not heard him do a bad job yet. He is so cute in a bald Leif-Garrett-20-years-ago way. He makes it YEAH! Calls home to tell the wife. You can hear her through the phone. Awwww.

Highlights of the unbelievably beautiful gal who can’t sing well. She makes it of course. She looks like a brunette Amanda on Melrose Place.

Next a blonde with big boobs makes it. Not a lot of highlights from her but none needed. We all know what really made it through, and yes for the record I am jealous, hmmp.

Some very southern-sounding guy makes it through. I think the sky just turned orange. Where did he come from?

A guy named Patrick, the long necked guy who can sing and has a great attitude makes it. He says he is “not as pretty as Ace but who is??” I like him, he's a hoot.

The little geeky guy who looks like Opie/Howdy Doody. I do not understand why he made it, I think TIIC need to hide the pipe from the judges. Maybe it’s because the little boy’s parents are sweet.

Highlights of wonderful Paris, my second fave gal. I love her Minnie Mouse speaking voice. The judges drag it out but she makes it. So adorable with the “I gotta go tell my mommy!”

Finally, the announcement about the devil beard twins…. They are GONE from the contest. They are in jail! For forgery or something, who cares. They are gone, that's all that matters.

Highlights of Kellie…The little country gal who goes on and on and on and on…She makes it. And cries a lot. Awww, I am so over it.

Gray Haired Dude comes in playing his harmonica. I LOVE THIS GUY. He makes it and sings a couple bars and gyrates out the door. Simon is still indifferent to him.

The last of the gals is chosen… it is Kinnik, a pretty lady we have not seen much of so far. Also we are down to the last two guys… and it’s the Wonder Years looking dude.

Well, we have our 24, y'all!

Gals:
Ayla, the teen basketball player (and senator's daughter)
Mandisa, the sweet and magnificent one who is my favorite
Becky, beautiful but can't sing worth a lick
Paris, the teen who's grandma is a Grammy winner
Kellie, the “poor poor pitiful me” country bumpkin
Brenna, the diva who reminds me of Ana Lucia on Lost
Melissa, the “who the heck is she?” gal
Lisa, the little Broadway-sounding teen
Stevie, the pretty opera trained girl
Kinnik, the stunner who reminds me of Vonzell
Heather, the blonde one with the big boobs
Katharine, the Vocal Coach Progeny

Guys:
Bucky, the country bumpkin from Rockingham
Sway, the bald Asian guy
David, the Harry Jr. Junior teen
Chris, the bald rocker dude
Gedeon, the Boondocks cartoon teen
Taylor, the gray haired gyrating guy
Will, the Peter Brady clone
Bobby, the Osama-lookin' dude
Kevin, the Opie-Meets-Howdy-Doody boy
Patrick, the funny giraffe guy
Ace, the pretty boy-band dude
Elliott, the Amish Elf guy

My top three gals… Mandisa, Paris, Katharine
My top three guys… Taylor, Chris, Elliott

NOW it's gonna get good…

The Crazy Auditions

1/17/06 continued
American Idol from Chicago

Before I even get started, a few disclaimers... in no way do I ever intend maliciousness with my comments. I believe in speaking my mind, calling it like I see it, but without any hatin' and a minimum of meanness. However... anytime people get in front of a TV camera, not only are they seeking stardom, they are setting themselves up to all kinds of critique. Good or bad, happy or sad. Yes, they are still human beings - but they are on display now.

So here we go...

For some reason the very first guy they show is a dude with sweaty armpits. He is absolutely certifiable and needs to be in a loony bin. TIIC, please get the straight jackets, stat! And one for me too, because after watching this … heh? They are going to let this psycho come back in an hour to try again?? This is not starting out well.

Now a girl doing rap - UGH. And here’s a guy who claims he can do anything from Elvis to Queen. Which kind of queen do ya think? Now... twins with little devil beards chat with Ryan. They look creepy.

Now we are subjected to… who was that, Yoko Ono? Some flaming guy, weirdly dressed gals, a bimbo who gets the *bleep bleep.* Seems like these morons would learn to watch the language, what is the point?

Lots of complaining about the judges. Some “why-does-God-let-these-people-live?” contestants. The devil beard twins again. Why do they let them sing together? They sound okay, but this is not American Twin Idols. Simon makes with the funny. I really like him!

Now we have filler… time wasting… picking on Simon. Uh oh. Now we have a Simon groupie. They are showing her in her day job in a dentist office and at night fronting an all girl band. She has a pretty smile, good voice. Gross, sucking up to Simon. Double gross, tongue stud. Simon makes with the funny again, and she makes it through.

Cut to the hallway… who would bring their little baby to this? Some highlights of more very bad stuff. I think TIIC just dragged some of these folks straight from one of those TV “judge” shows.

Finally!!! A pretty black lady in a great shawl… her name is Mandisa Hundley from Tennessee. YES! She is splendid!! I have my favorite so far. No, he did not!! Simon made a crack about her weight. Okay, not liking him anymore.

Next up, a casting call for Beauty and the Geek. Wonder if this guy realizes he is in the wrong place? Classic example of “so bad it’s good” – probably the next William Hung. Ridiculous judge banter. Now another flaming guy. WHEN are these folks going to learn that Simon despises flamers??? Prepare to be bashed… then move on to that Queer Eye show. Sorry but when you set yourself up to be a punchline, don’t be surprised when you become… a freakin' punchline!

More fodder… loud gal who is apparently off her meds… Paula being part Gandhi and part Gotti. Tears and ramifications. Wow, now we have a cop of some sort. From West Virginia. No he is not… please no…cops everywhere are hanging their heads in shame. In shame I tell you! Disgraceful.

Sweaty armpit guy again. Are TIIC hittin' the pipe this year? WASTE OF TIME. Simon picks on a girl in glasses and a prom dress. The chick should have seen that coming. For future reference contestants… don’t show up in ridiculous costumes, especially if you’re a flamer.

I am so tired of sweaty armpit guy and am now convinced that TIIC are well… Idiots. In Charge nevertheless. Oh well, I have a headache now. Forrest's friend Bubba… that is who he reminds me of.

Beware of Mommies, Grandmas, and Music Teachers who say their contestant is the “absolute best.” Now we have an angry Grandma fussing at Simon. YES! Finally some entertainment.

Sisters are up next. Video montage, which means they will make it through. Some boring stuff about corn mazes. What show am I watching? They sing better together than separately. Quandary and confusion abound. Especially when next up we have a screaming cat gal.

Torch Guy is next, cute but boring. Paula is drooling and giddy. When she says “great vibe” does that mean…? Never mind.

Next up, Simon says “a right mess” to a Fiona Apple clone who gets a *bleep.* Am not understanding what I am seeing now… playa hatin'? Did I accidentally switch the TV to The Parkers? So obviously staged.

Montage time, which means we have someone who’s making it through… A cute teenaged boy doing Sinatra. Oh my – SIMON likes him??

Now it's Paris-Ashlee-as-a-Streetwalker with her man-in-drag-looking mom. I can already see where this is going. Simon laughs at her fake tan. This girl is comically stupid especially when her mom comes in the room to much ridicule. Fuss fuss bleep bleep boring boring. Poor Ryan.

Endless fodder… a tribute to morons and hats. Yep, TIIC are losin' it. Flamers part four – sing in English when you are on AMERICAN Idol, dummy! No they have not put a Ukraine chick on there? She needs a pole and low lights. Make it stop, make it stop!!

More twins to bore us and Simon, but not Paula who is in puppy dog lust heaven. Poor Randy. Sometimes I think he is too good for this mess. Of course this mess has made him more money than… whatever he did before.

Next up, more evidence of idiocy. This crazy guy looks like Max Headroom. Paula and Randy put this moron through just to tick Simon off! WOOO! WOOO! They are going to regret this. Straight jackets all around please.

Now we have editing tricks and a split second of some folks who actually made it, and the traditional mangled lyric montage. My ears are bleeding and I think a blood vessel popped. Why do I love this show? I ask myself through the pain of my migraine.

So this episode brought us … Mandisa! But that’s about all the good that came from it.

1/18/06

American Idol from Denver

A few random thoughts… why do these people bother: weird gimmickers, stupid human trickers, ridiculous costumers. If you want to get on TV that badly, AFV is still on and getting trashier every year. People please. My dogs are howling. And aren’t eyebrow piercings painful?

Whining does NOT help things. Go find Ricki Lake. Bad … awful… terrible. The judges are getting ticked from the badness.

Finally, a pretty little black gal with curly hair. Wow, her mom looks like a movie star. We all know she is going to make it. Very polished and only 16. Simon says something about teenagers should be at home going to the prom and stuff. No wait, that was me. This girl is exceptional though.

Now more stupid fodder filler with Ryan, who is adorable in a generic, metrosexual way. More appallingly bad singers who actually think they are good. The judges laugh and make fun while the morons have the audacity to look shocked. Has this show become a parody of itself? Am I watching Mad TV??

Okay, now we have rosy cheeked cutie-pie boy in a toboggan. GREAT smile. Who cares about his voice. That SMILE, oh my goodness. 100% yes as Randy said. Paula's funny, she is over the moon and trying to contain herself. And I don't blame her a bit!

Oh gosh, now a sob story “I was evicted blah blah” who brought 20 family members. Next we have wanna-be rockers, some who look and sound like Satan. Chicks too, some who know they are bad. There are no Bos here.

Wait… here is the bald dude, they are showing a montage with a crying wife, kids, “I just love ‘im” tears and more tears. Make me barf. But the guy has a good rock voice; he looks like that Vin guy. They show more of the crying wife, egads. Peace out, thank God he made it, or they’d have to call the rescue squad.

Now we have some good, some bizarre, some Paula imitators, some so bad that Simon’s sarcasm reaches an all time high. Some more editing tricks, sound effects and evidence of insanity by TIIC.

Oh goody, a bunch of cowboys. Yay. Did this little guy say he sings to … turkeys? Cute smile if you’re into that Brokeback stuff. Why oh why did the judges put this little boy through??? He will be eaten alive. I really think the guys put him through because Paula said NO. Okay, so his enthusiasm is infectious. So what. My Kid thinks he is the cutest thing ever.

Wish they’d show more of the GOOD people who made it through instead of this bad crap. Oh well, that is why I am hooked. Some more folks who give meaning to the phrase “Too Stupid to Live.” Is Simon trying to pimp his new show about inventors? Hmmm, one wonders.

There are no words to explain how bad the next few contestants are. Makes me think that when bad people die they don’t go to hell… they have to listen to THIS for all eternity. And now… the guy/girl … or is it girl/guy? WHY set yourself up for inevitable ridicule?

Well, this episode brought us the pretty teen girl with curly hair (Lisa) and the bald rocker (Chris) with the good rock voice and crying wife.

1/24/06

American Idol from Greensboro

Ryan is pondering why oh why did TIIC pick Greensboro as an audition city? Then he backpedals and says that the SOUTH has given us a lot of talent…Well yeah since all of the winners so far have NOT been Yankees. Helllllllo…

First up, the “I Am Now Ashamed of My Home State” gal. At least Simon mentions what I have thought all along… some of these folks belong on the Jerry Springer Show. True dat! And the judges all agree.

Now we gotta have some bad attitudes, you know what I’m talkin' 'bout. Drama queens, divas, playa hatin'. Bad bad bad. Worse than bad. Simon is laughing. Ryan is dissing the city again. Uh ohs abound.

Blonde girl montage, roller skating waitress. They are showing the grandpa and telling the sob story. Mommy gone, daddy in prison. Tears, more tears, then extreme close-up of tears. She is a shoo in. She says she has hardly ever sang in front of anyone. She talks a lot. Adorable though, awwww, good voice, but why a Kelly Clarkson song?? That is just sacrilegious I think. Simon really does like her. She chats until it becomes embarrassing and then more tears. Bye-bye rolling skating waitress job!

More gimmicks up next, including an obnoxious little brother with a mullet. THIS is in my home state? Tell me no please. Poor Ryan is forced to make nice chatter with insane people. And now we have a ventriloquist? Why??

More people bringing shame to themselves and their moms. And my home state. Simon tries to be kind for once and it just ain’t working. Next up an arrogant military guy who gives meaning to the phrase “I would like to buy you for what you’re worth and sell you for what you think you’re worth.” I am honestly gagging and have to avert my eyes.

Another chick who brought her entire family. Good voice. Next is another flamer, when oh when will they get it? Simon will say NO. Emphatically not. Even if mom is listening at the door. Best Simon quote so far - “You went from torture to murder.”

Now we have “foster home gal,” like that should have anything to do with how good she sings. Strikingly gorgeous girl with a bunch of little kids. Ryan is smitten. Simon is smitten. Randy tries not to be smitten. Paula is kinda bored. Hmmm… I do NOT like the way this girl totally dissed her little kids! Can you say DIVA?

I have never in my life been so embarrassed of my home state. Between the pervs and the total morons, it is discouraging. For real. Simon, help, take me to the UK with you. “I Don’t Mean to Be Rude, But…” I can understand why he named his book that. But I digress...

Poor Ryan chatting with the wiccan be-yotch in lingerie. Why are the judges giving props to the girl just because her mom is a stripper?? I don’t get that.

More nos, a couple yeses to gals but no guys. Unless you count the flamers and I don’t count them as real guys, sorry. I am just hetero that way. So sue me. Now we have a hiccupping Eminem wannabe. Some of these folks make me feel like I am a really great singer. Alas, I am too old for the show as in way way way.

We are shown more whining and complaining. Finally, a cute guy with a good voice and HOT body and cool highlights. He’s 27 though, too old for Paula. Ha Ha. Next up is Fantasia’s cousin; he was from the wrong side of that family tree.

Finally… Randy is “oh my God‘ing” to a nice-looking black lady saying something about sounds of blackness… was that a group or something? Anyway, little girl comes in, looks like Fantasia without the skank. (Sorry, I love Fantasia but true is true.) Babyish speaking voice, but WOW YES. Amazing kid. Bless her heart, she’s crying and trying to squeak-talk.

Now we have Simon’s gigantous birthday cake. Paula has a pretty hairdo. Wish I knew where she got her wigs, they’re great. More of poor Ryan interviewing the moron brigade.

A few more random thoughts… Why oh why do people audition to Michael Jackson songs? Why mime “a teardrop” whenever a song mentions crying? Why does Simon wear shirts that show off his man boobies? And why does he look sexy in spite of this? Hmmm.

Why is this episode getting so bless-ed boring with the whole smashing a DVD and crazy flamers and that Lil Kim wannabe?? And I don’t mean to sound shallow, but there is no place on TV for ugly people. We just don’t want to see them. So there, it had to be said.

I am so tired of the Greensboro episode. When Paula’s hairdo holds more attention than the contestants, you know TIIC fell asleep at the wheel. More and more examples of what Simon hates most… I won’t even say it. I will never mock Cal-e-forn-yay again. And folks... under no circumstances should a guy wear eyeliner. Ever. Never. No.

So now we are exposed to a cute gal who looks like The Nanny and blabs to Ryan about an 11- hour train ride and cheating boyfriend, blah blah. I think she made it through on pity.

Next is a montage of the slim pickins of real men in this audition city. Thanks TIIC. Thanks for subjecting us to another white MJ impersonator that made us want to stuff our ears with cotton and poke our eyes out. Why MJ people? Child molesters are not inspiring. Nope.

They keep flashing the Lil Kim wannabe. She is just laughable, dissing Paula. Wasn’t she on COPS?? Now we are subjected to a fireman in full uniform. Is he for real or just thinking it’s Halloween? When are these folks going to learn not to chit chat with the judges?

Next a montage of past “straight from the mental institution” contestants, to the big (and I mean big in a bad way) build up of the Lil Kim gal. She re-massacres some Britney while in front of the judges. The judges are kinda scared of her. WHY did the producers waste SO MUCH AIRTIME on this saggy-belly-hanging-out-of-spandex lunatic???? And why am I watching, why am I writing and why do I care? Hmmm. Leaving now.

So this episode brought the little blonde roller skating “woe is me” gal whose name is Kellie Pickler. Easy to remember because her catch phrase is “Pick Pickler.” And the little gal named Paris, who is a mini-Fantasia.

1/25/06

American Idol from San Francisco

Well, Greensboro had all the freaks and flamers so we probably won't see any tonight in San Fran. I hang my head in shame and will not acknowledge The Tar Heel State as my birthplace.

First up is a pretty Hawaiian gal but not in a Jasmine way. This blonde is cute but with a weird opera voice. She looks exactly like Kelly Preston (20 years ago.)

Uh oh, a montage of a big flaming black guy who says he sings like an angel. Well, TIIC have pulled a fast one – this guy is waaay weird and sounds like a pack of hyenas. Next up, a montage of more dogs (not dawgs.)

Here is a little bald dude who is kinda cute and pretty good. His name is Sway; we know this because it’s on his belt buckle which is dorkified, but oh well.

Now a guy who looks like an accountant and sounds like nails on a chalkboard. We get a weird Air Force guy… what was that? A good argument with Simon and Randy ensues.

A montage of folks with their vocal coaches. Gimme a break. Okay good, montage time with a cute chick whose mom is a vocal coach. Can you say shoo in? This lady makes Mommie Dearest look like Carol Brady. The kid has a good voice and gets props from the judges. She doesn’t understand what Simon means when he says she is “current.” Tears, awww, now mommie won’t tie her to the piano leg.

Next up some stuff so bad that it’s not even watchable. Way too much air time given to a lady who says she quit her job to go to the audition. Simon proves he is human by phoning the gal’s boss to get her job back. Awww.

Now up, a little girl in pigtails with a rock musician dad who causes tension between the judges. More gimmicky stuff, quick highlights of some bad sounding and stupid looking humans.

Now a cute girl in a very short skirt who is pretty good but Simon has his panties in a wad and we have a name-calling contest between the three judges. More contestants come in, some good and some okay and the judges are all over each other. It’s a pissin’ contest at this point.

Now we have…Ummmm... this lady claims to be only 27 but… she looks like a blonde Cousin Itt. Now it’s a knock-down-drag-out between Simon and Paula with Randy adding fuel to the fire. Wow, Simon gets up, walks out, gets in his car and LEAVES!! Ha ha ha ha ha.

Only one more contestant to see anyway so no biggie. Boring guy with Heat Miser hair who can’t carry a tune in a bucket. He will not shut up… it is very uncomfortable.

This episode was kinda boring for San Francisco…The cute perky gal (Katharine) with the vocal teacher mom was the highlight. And methinks the judges have had too much togetherness already!

1/31/06

American Idol from Las Vegas

Hope this is less boring than San Francisco. Well, they are showing a commercial for the city of Las Vegas. Where are Grissom and crew? They are needed to decipher the remains of the crushed spirit of the first guy up…

Fake Jamaican accent and stupid yarn wig. Please please please. Tears? Gimme a bless-ed break. Ya set yerself up moron, get over it. More freaks and geeks and even a psychic. Sometimes I think a barf bag is needed to watch this show.

I am so bored… sitting here wondering…Why is this show number one and why am I watching?? Uh oh, montage of a belly dancer who looks about 10 years old. Uh, ewwww. This has escalated from boring to creepy. Pretty good voice for an infant. Ryan does the “I’m-so-sweet” routine.

We are subjected to some punk rock crap from a jerk with an attitude. Ah, go back to your meth lab. Oops, montage of a cute gal who works in a prison. She reminds me of Vonzell. Simon likes her but Paula? Not so much.

Next up, montage of a goofy guy who is a gondolier (something about canoes.) The judges argue and TIIC pulled another fast one on us. For unscripted TV, this seems very scripted to me.

Now a montage of folks who have auditioned before. I think one guy is the devil with a mullet. Now an animal lover who looks like Jon Candy only not funny and can’t sing and won’t accept that he sucks.

Oh gosh not more twins. “Who wears short shorts? We wear short shorts!” Lucy Liu clones with no musical ability. Awww, tears.

Next our eardrums are pierced with a cute video parody of CSI: Criminal Singers Investigated. Yawn. And calling a big butt jelly is so gross. Now a guy with an accent heavier than my jelly – go home please. Now we have a gal named Princess. I can see where this is going. Bunch of thumbs down and people who need to be on Letterman’s stupid human tricks.

I am dizzy and nauseous. I just want this to be over. I want House, M.D. to come back on. We are subjected to a bunch of short clips about hair which seems stupid. Until…We meet a cute man …Wait is he MY age???... He has premature gray hair. Love his accent. His voice is kinda soul and bluesy, Ray Charles like. He is a stand out. Paula asks him for 20 seconds of something else and he goes into some kinda fit. Randy likes him. I don’t know if I like him, he is way different though. Okay, he smiled and I like him, YEAH.

Well, it ended on the catch of the day, the gray-haired dude named Taylor. My husband really likes this guy. Auditions and more auditions before we get to the nitty gritty...

2/1/06

American Idol from Austin

We are now into February. Wow, we are in Texas and I see cowboy hats. Who’da figured that? I didn’t think freaks were allowed in that state, nor flamers, but we are sure subjected to a short clip set of them.

First up a ballet dancer from gay-geek land. Dubya needs to deport this dude. Strange, stranger and strangest are up next.

Now a chick with pink braces who says she is in modeling school. She is a Paula fan to the max, to the amusement of Simon.

Next up “zombies” gate crashing idol. I loathe college students. We are subjected to more painful contestants. Second best quote of Simon’s… “Even the out of tune notes were out of tune.”

Now a black-and-white segment comparing the bad singers to horror movie lore. Which leads us to… A funeral director! Ya gotta be kiddin’ us right? Nope. Here he is, in a montage. Some embalming jokes with the judges. Ha nah. So tired of the Josh Groban song in the auditions.

Okay now we have a “beautiful but she knows it” gal who thinks she is great. She sings Christmas songs badly and is offended when they don’t like her. We are subjected to a round of mad sad *bleeps* and tears.

Next a gal who tells about her plane almost crashing on the way to the audition. She makes funny with Simon but can’t sing worth a lick. To prove they are made of human parts, the judges agree to let her come back and try again later. Whatever.

More poor poor pitiful *bleeps.* And now we have an airheaded cutie pie. I think he was looking for the One Tree Hill casting call. Ooh, now a talker who is a music major. Good voice but kinda creepy. Should have been with the college “zombies” outside.

Next a gal who says she is a “fit model” whatever the heck that is, but she acts like she could break into the porn industry. Poser! Go find Constantine. The epitome of the blonde joke (why did the blonde wear shoulder pads? To protect her ears when she says “I don’t know.”)

The Walking-Blonde-Joke should hook up with the next guy, Stuck-On-Myself-Even-More-Than-Simon. Smooth operator, a legend in his own mind. Make me yak even though his voice is kinda good.

Holy crap, a Randy clone is up next. Randy must have passed through Austin 27 years ago if ya know what I mean, dawg.

Next, “near plane crash” girl is back, terrible again. She has made a fool of Chapel Hill, but that is not really hard to do, is it Duke fans? Tee hee.

Oh look, it’s the little boy from The Wonder Years. In a bright red shirt no less. Doing soul, pretty good. Cute as pie. Simon says mothers will adore him and he makes it through.

Now a chick who thinks she is a combo of Diana and Carrie; she says Simon will love her. We can see where this is coming by a mile. Because we all know that next to flamers, Simon disses chubby gals the most. Paula is actually mad at this girl; I would blame the mom for bringing her to the audition.

A segment of some people who actually made it through, including a heavy gal who knocks Poor Ryan down. Kinda funny.

So Austin didn’t bring much except the Kevin Arnold-looking guy…. I think his name is William. Last audition city tomorrow...

2/7/06

American Idol from Boston

Last audition city, thank God. And House is back tonight! Whoop whoop! We sit through a clip segment of people in the rain. A joke about the history of the town causing Simon to be harsher than usual. Whatever.

First up, an Eminem wannabe and since Eminem has absolutely no talent, the wannabe doesn’t stand a chance. Waste of time, next.

A montage of an All-American Girl. Yep, another shoo in. Senator’s daughter, plays basketball. Tall, snobby, and did I say tall? Sings good, darn it. I did not want to like her; I don’t think the judges want to like her either. Given who she is though, I don’t think TIIC can say no.

Next is more really bad stuff that makes me rather watch wrestling instead of this. Simon gets a headache and so do I. Some of the folks not only think they sing good, but they think they are hot looking as well. All I can say is “Next on Jerry Springer.”

Angry tears, whining phone calls to mom, even a gal who looks like she is on her way back to juvie hall. More rain.

More twins. Okay, these gals are beautiful. I am not into girls at all, but wow. Only one sings and not too well. Too bad. She gets through based on looks alone which is a bummer.

We are next subjected to sob stories and boring stuff from less attractive people. A cute montage of Poor Ryan. Which leads to a montage of people’s day jobs. Boring. Some more folks in the “why bother” category.

A Phoebe from Friends wannabe who works as a singer for old folks. Awww. Bored now. Will be glad when this is over and House comes on. Okay now I am ticked. The Phoebe girl has a great voice but the judges said no. This sucks, especially after seeing a lesser talented gal get through just because she's pin-up material.

A male Cher who insults Simon. Kill me now. Some unwatchable stuff. A clip segment of very young boys, some who have their voice teachers with them. This show gives vocal coaches a bad name.

A little boy with a crew cut and glasses, kind of a junior geek. Good voice, but that darn Josh Groban song again. Am so tired of it. Simon says old folks will like this guy which makes Paula play mother bear.

More and even more bad stuff, really bad, Paula’s acting career bad. Even some costumes. Ugh. What time is it? They give us some editing tricks for our amusement.

A little boy who looks like he’d be Clay’s son (not that it’s a possibility.) Total obnoxious nerd. Stupid gimmick with the guy having to pee… this show gets on my last freakin’ nerve sometimes.

Another clip segment of good people we did NOT get to see. A highlight segment of the best and worst from the audition cities. Oh, I like the song they are playing, “had a bad day” or something like that.

So this round brought us the twin girl who can’t sing, Becky. But she sure is pretty. Next week - 175 semi finalists go to Hollywood. It's gonna get better, right?