2/8/06American Idol from Hollywood … a.k.a. Hell Week. What I call Ho’wood (get it?) We are reminded that only 12 guys and 12 girls will remain. Yada yada. I am placing my bets now in the predictions. The prettiest girl (Becky) and cutest guy (Ace) are shoo ins.
This is my least favorite part of the show. Lots of montages of the kids practicing, looking nervous, getting mad at each other.
First montage is a reminder of poor lil Kellie who says she has never sang with a band before and how does the piano player keep up with her and stuff. Whatever. Eye rolling time. Am tired of this chick already.
Now a guy I don’t remember from the audition doing my wedding song, “If.” I like him, and no sob story. Which means he probably won’t make it.
Next, some sightseeing, shots of kids we have not seen before. We are forced to sit through flashbacks of the two self-proclaimed ladies men. I need anti-nausea meds at this point. Until they are sent home and they just can’t take it! Waaaaa.
Now it’s Lisa the teenager, who is a shoo in. She seems like an old pro already.
A montage of hopeless singers who make me think the judges are hittin’ the same pipe as TIIC. More touring, look it’s Paula’s Ho'wood star. More stage stuff, mostly bad. Enjoy that sightseeing kiddos. A lecture from Randy.
Finally someone good! Another little teenage girl with a big voice, Paris. She shows ‘em how it’s done, dawg.
The kids are at the beach. A gal complaining of having a cold. Drama and more drama.
Gray haired guy is up on stage. His name is Taylor. I love this guy. He has the whole Joe Cocker gyratin' thing going on.
Oh spare me the crying cowboy who has never seen the beach before. Splashing around in the water in his jeans.
Some tears as people have to leave. Some jumping up and down, wahoos. Mostly “later, dudes.”
Wow, did I switch the channel to Deal or No Deal? No wait, that's not Howie, it’s the bald rocker with the cute guy and a pretty blonde gal. Talking about a journey. Okay. That means more dang sightseeing. Do they have to rub it in?
The sick girl is totally bummed and whining about people not as good as her blah blah. The judges are sympathetic and prove they are made of human parts and give her another chance. But now LOTS of people are playing the “I Am Sick” card.
Gotta love Paris when she jokes about Ryan having a star on Ho'wood and not Simon. Ha.
Now we have a reminder of the devil beard twins. I don’t care what anyone says, twins creep me out. Sorry, just how I feel. These twins are boy divas. Please get off my TV. ComicView is waiting.
Next a reminder that Carrie won last year. Shots of the kids seeing the Kodak stage for the first time and being in awe. And the devil beard twins whinin' and complainin'. I know it’s wrong to hate but…
We are on Day 2. Clip segments of some weird singing stuff. Why is that pretty guy wearing the same shirt every time ya see him? He has the Constantine stare but is cuter. Ugh, a shot of gross tongue stud girl. Make me yak.
More and more twin stuff. I wish twins were banned. Siblings of any kind. I also wish that Paula could hear with her ears instead of her eyes. Forgettable stuff, way way. Tears and hugs, buh bye.
Now off to some kind of weird magic house, rubbing our faces into the fact that they are off sightseeing while we are stuck at home. Living vicariously through their adventures. Sigh.
The sad little cowboy guy. Awww. I am kinda sick of him. He looks like Michael J. Fox when MJF was about 7 years old. He does not know how to sing with a piano, or move to the beat but TIIC show him trying to do both. My Kid still loves him.
The devil beard twins are up so I am going to go load my dishwasher. I can’t stand those buttholes, they make me heave. Where are the good folks??
Finally… the bald rocker in a pretty blue shirt. He is kinda hot. Honestly into the song he is doing and taking it seriously.
And my favorite so far, Mandisa! I thought she was a myth, it's been so long since I've seen her.
Also, here is the little gal with Mommie Dearest. She is very good and adorable. I can see her in a few months in the Top 2. TIIC have to put her through or her mom will hurt them.
Now we are subjected to Crazy Dave, the idiot that Paula and Randy put through just to tick off Simon. He is certifiable…Gee thanks P&R for risking the lives of the saner contestants. They are regretting it now, yessir.
Montage of people we never saw before crying about leaving, with one gal shouting like she’s in a maniacal pep rally or something, only there are a lot of *bleeps.* But who cares, there are the pretty girl twins looking ab-fab.
So my early faves have stayed in the competition. Notably - Mandisa!!, bald rocker (Chris), gray haired guy (Taylor), little Paris, vocal coach progeny (Katharine).
2/14/06
American Idol from Hollywood Part II…
It is group time. Dreaded, so very dreaded. Oh goody, we meet the Diva of the show, some chick who reminds me of Ana Lucia on Lost. Bad attitude to the max, which means we are stuck with this be-yotch for awhile, dawgs.
Surprise, surprise, the devil beard twins are bickerin' again. I think I will do the crossword puzzle in TV Guide while waiting for this to get interesting. Oh gosh, is that a monster zit on DB Twin 1's face??? Glad I am watching this on an empty stomach. A true LOL moment when he says “This is why… I. Don’t. Do. Groups!”
A shot of the diva eating breakfast with her sunglasses on. Hey, didn’t this chick shoot Shannon, thinking she was one of the Others; Sayid is gonna kick her… wait wrong show.
Way too much airtime is given to devil beard twins. Are they related to TIIC or what? Something is seriously up with this. Oh my goodness…was just reading in the TV Guide that the DB Twins are IN JAIL for mail fraud!!!! All of this obnoxious crap that we are watching was taped weeks ago and we will be RID OF THEM SOON. Thank you Lord.
Group performances… Even the good ones kinda suck. Some of these kids can’t move worth a lick. Here is a tall pretty girl that we have not seen before. Okay, it’s time to start keeping track of who is who… Paris and the pretty girl Stephanie are through to the next round.
Next is the group with DB twin 1. Wow, here is a guy we have not seen yet. He reminds me of the dude from O Brother Where Art Thou, but has a fantastic voice. Also, a bald Asian-looking guy who mangles the words really bad.
Where is the mute button while DB twin 1 complains to the judges? I want to shoot my TV set with a gun. I really do – but I won’t because House is coming on next. O Brother and Bald-Asian make it through and crap so does devil beard twin with zit.
We now have crooners and for crooners they are all pretty good and all make it through, including the Kevin Arnold guy, the Howdy Doody guy, the Harry Connick Jr. Junior guy.
Shots of the kids practicing. The Nanny-looking girl keeps changing groups. She is such a loser.
Oh crap here comes devil beard twin the second. It is speech time, with the quote of the day “MY SPIRIT HAS BEEN BROKEN.” He thinks his brother was cut so he had a fit!!! They could not make this stuff up! It is such good drama.
I don’t care about them anymore, there is my girl Mandisa, I love her more and more. Shots of some other gals singing the same song only not as well. Why bother?
More shots of gals I don’t remember seeing before making it through to the next round. Shots of gals writing lyrics on their arms. Clip segment of fouled-up-really-bad lyrics. Including Mom is My Music Teacher Gal. Shameful.
Back to the loser Nanny girl switching groups again. Lecture time. I expect her to say “Mr. Sheffield!!” any moment.
Some sucky performances come next. The judges are ticked at this point. Sisters hugging and crying, getting on my nerves.
Speaking of nerves, I don’t have any left as devil beard twins beg the judges for forgiveness. GO SIMON as he tells them off and works the crowd.
Another bad performance with the Nanny wannabe sucking really bad. A gal I don’t remember is pretty good. Next is the be-yotch making me despise her more. I need cotton for my ears and have to avert my eyes.
No they are not … yes they are... doing a parody called Brokenote Mountain. It is mean but funny because these guys are so bad they deserve ridicule. Sorry, it’s true. My daughter thinks the little MJ Fox Jr. guy is so cute and adorable. I think puppies are cute and adorable but I do not want to see them sing and dance on stage in cowboy hats.
The over-exposed, now-in-jail-but-we-don't-know-it-yet devil beard twins are told they can stay. Yakking now.
On stage the cowdudes all lose it and all get sent home. (Ever noticed how Simon can say “just ridiculous” and make it sound so sexy?) Hugs and tears and … uncomfortably loooong hugs with the cowgays ensue. Gee, get a room already. Ahem…
Clip segment of gals getting ready. There are some pretty ones this season. Shots of last chance performances. Cue the dramatic music as the judges discuss their decisions and quick shots of contestants are flashed before us like acid trips gone wrong.
The kids are divided up in rooms. Room One – did not make it. Included in this room are dental office girl, the loser Nanny, the blonde “fit model” and a bunch of others I do not remember.
Room Two – they made it! Including bald rocker, beautiful girl, be-yotch, Mandisa!!, bald Asian, and others … flashes so quickly I can’t tell.
Room Three – they made it! Includes little Paris, gray haired guy, wait it's going too fast.
Room Four – they made it! It was a trick! TIIC pulled a fast one. I see The Wonder Years guy, Ace the hottie, Kellie the pitiful.
Well, our 44 semis include all of my faves so far, but unfortunately also include the loathsome devil beard twins. Much jumping and whooping. Fact is so stranger than fiction!
2/15/06
AMERICAN IDOL… from Ho'wood.
Finally... The Top 24 is chosen tonight! I really really want these to make it…MANDISA. Okay she is the only one I really care about. Well, I like the gray haired guy, the bald rocker, and little Paris. I hope the be-yotch is sent packing.
So far, so terrible . . . no one is making it through to the next round. Poor Ryan is having to console them. Most of these did not get much airtime so there ya go.
Wow, here is a beautiful gal who reminds me of Latoya from Season 3… she is good but NOT making it. Crap. Tyra Banks is waiting for you girl!
The Vocal Coach Progeny gal is fussin' to Ryan about the Latoya-looking girl not making it. That leads to highlights of Kat doing some really good singing. She makes it after the judges play stupid mind games with her. Gross, she kisses each judge… on the lips. Yak time.
Highlights of Ace the Pretty One. Cool, he changed shirts finally. I haven’t seen that layered look since high school… 22 years ago!! He makes it, he smiles, Paula fans herself. I haven't seen beefcake that scrumptious since Dean and Sam Winchester.
Next up a diva with a bad attitude, crying with no tears and cussing at the elevator camera. Then a clan of Hussein guy makes it through… WHY? Flash to the diva still ranting something about calling in the Rev, who knows - she's blithering.
A reminder of Simon being a butthole about Mandisa’s weight but she is so cool about it. She tells him that he hurt her but she forgives him… I LOVE HER SO MUCH! She mentions Jesus, gets a hug from the terrible Brit and makes it through! WORK IT OUT GIRL! That’s my girl, dawgs.
Montage of kids waiting and fretting. Some chick with big boobs makes it. I have watched every single episode so far and do not remember her at all.
Highlights of Lisa the Broadway Teen. She is so cute, a shoo in. Ryan interviews her gorgeous mom.
David slash Harry Jr. Junior – he’s okay if ya like that crooning stuff. I don’t but he makes it. Why so many infants this year??
The bald Asian guy named Sway, well it’s his birthday today and he makes it.
The guy who ticked off the devil beard twin, Elliott makes it. He looks like an Amish elf crossed with Delmar O'Donnell.
Oh crap, here come highlights of the diva be-yotch. Bickering with Simon, singing like crap - she makes it of course. Every year TIIC gives this to us as a gift. Someone to loathe. Gee thanks, TIIC.
Next up, some folks who don’t make it through to the Top 24. Some whining about it, some deservedly. Way too much time given over to the one we love to loathe. Lots of NOS in a row. Tears, hugs, ramifications.
Finally, highlights of a cute black guy named Gedeon (what, his mom can’t spell or something?) He is kinda arrogant, yuck on that. My Kid says that he reminds her of Wallace on Veronica Mars. I think he looks like the cartoon character… what’s his name. Will have to look it up.
Highlights of the very pretty gal named Stephanie whose main forte is opera. She makes it through, but girlfrien' that yellow eyeshadow has got to GO.
Next up, highlights of Basketball Playing Senator’s Daughter. She looks like a snob even when they tell her she made it.
Bald rocker dude gets stuck in the elevator… it's nervous time. Highlights of him doing a really good job. Have not heard him do a bad job yet. He is so cute in a bald Leif-Garrett-20-years-ago way. He makes it YEAH! Calls home to tell the wife. You can hear her through the phone. Awwww.
Highlights of the unbelievably beautiful gal who can’t sing well. She makes it of course. She looks like a brunette Amanda on Melrose Place.
Next a blonde with big boobs makes it. Not a lot of highlights from her but none needed. We all know what really made it through, and yes for the record I am jealous, hmmp.
Some very southern-sounding guy makes it through. I think the sky just turned orange. Where did he come from?
A guy named Patrick, the long necked guy who can sing and has a great attitude makes it. He says he is “not as pretty as Ace but who is??” I like him, he's a hoot.
The little geeky guy who looks like Opie/Howdy Doody. I do not understand why he made it, I think TIIC need to hide the pipe from the judges. Maybe it’s because the little boy’s parents are sweet.
Highlights of wonderful Paris, my second fave gal. I love her Minnie Mouse speaking voice. The judges drag it out but she makes it. So adorable with the “I gotta go tell my mommy!”
Finally, the announcement about the devil beard twins…. They are GONE from the contest. They are in jail! For forgery or something, who cares. They are gone, that's all that matters.
Highlights of Kellie…The little country gal who goes on and on and on and on…She makes it. And cries a lot. Awww, I am so over it.
Gray Haired Dude comes in playing his harmonica. I LOVE THIS GUY. He makes it and sings a couple bars and gyrates out the door. Simon is still indifferent to him.
The last of the gals is chosen… it is Kinnik, a pretty lady we have not seen much of so far. Also we are down to the last two guys… and it’s the Wonder Years looking dude.
Well, we have our 24, y'all!
Gals:
Ayla, the teen basketball player (and senator's daughter)
Mandisa, the sweet and magnificent one who is my favorite
Becky, beautiful but can't sing worth a lick
Paris, the teen who's grandma is a Grammy winner
Kellie, the “poor poor pitiful me” country bumpkin
Brenna, the diva who reminds me of Ana Lucia on Lost
Melissa, the “who the heck is she?” gal
Lisa, the little Broadway-sounding teen
Stevie, the pretty opera trained girl
Kinnik, the stunner who reminds me of Vonzell
Heather, the blonde one with the big boobs
Katharine, the Vocal Coach Progeny
Guys:
Bucky, the country bumpkin from Rockingham
Sway, the bald Asian guy
David, the Harry Jr. Junior teen
Chris, the bald rocker dude
Gedeon, the Boondocks cartoon teen
Taylor, the gray haired gyrating guy
Will, the Peter Brady clone
Bobby, the Osama-lookin' dude
Kevin, the Opie-Meets-Howdy-Doody boy
Patrick, the funny giraffe guy
Ace, the pretty boy-band dude
Elliott, the Amish Elf guy
My top three gals… Mandisa, Paris, Katharine
My top three guys… Taylor, Chris, Elliott
NOW it's gonna get good…
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