The Next 3 of the Top 12 Are A’right

Brooke White

I’ve been fighting a migraine all evening so my tolerance level for BS is set to less than zero. It feels like Sylar is cutting into my brain, but I have no superpowers for him to steal. Unless you count the ability to talk FOR-EV-ER about all things Idol, and I doubt that’s anything he’d want.

Speaking of Heroes, that show is going downhill as rapidly as this one, yes? Can either of them be saved? It’d be cool if there could be a crossover. Different networks, so it’s not possible, but a gal can dream. Simon could be the one whose touch turns everyone to ice and they freeze and shatter. But enough of that nonsense because it’s time to get down to the business of destroying nine lives.

“What. Have. You. Done?” asks Seacrest. He is thinking that hopefully none of the 25 million votes were cast for the Richard-Simmons-meets-Olivia-Newton-John class clown.

We are reminded that tonight’s top 3 will be the female and male with the highest votes, and then “whoever” is next. They will join last week’s Group One survivors Alexis, Danny, and Michael.

Quick flashes to audition-Hollywood-chair. We are reminded that Kris, Jesse and Mishavonna had little to no air time and poor Hot Legs Jeanine had nada. Dreams and destiny and babies mixed with lots of hugs equals pure mush.

The group song is “Closer,” by someone I do not know and have never heard of. I wonder if it is like a cool Brenda Johnson “(The) Closer” or a bad Julia Roberts “Closer?” The lyrics are somewhat nasty for a show during family hour, so it’s more like the latter.

Since I have no basis for comparison, the singing does not sound that bad to me. Nick/Norman obviously does not know the words or how to move about in a group setting. Of course, the rest of them don’t either except for Adam who is (as we all know forever and forever) Broadway’s favorite son/daughter/thang. Anyways, they “just can’t stop” for a thousand years of singing in unison with no apparent harmony.

Recap time… Jasmine was not going to write Disney a love song even if they asked for one. Matt G. could not remember ever ruling the world without his piano. This love was taking its toll on Jeanine and her long legs. The American Idol logo was molested by Nick/Norman and his sassy pants. If we could only see the way Matt B. chose this song maybe we would understand. What becomes of the broken hearted is what Kai’s fright-fro wants to know. Kris was looking at the man in the mirror and it looked like Archie in 10 years. All the boys thought Jesse was a spy and wondered who’s Bette Davis? Adam tried and he tried and he tried but couldn’t get there cuz that happens sometimes when you’re bi. Megan put her records on right next to her white dress’s pom poms. Mishavonna had drops of Jupiter in her hair-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh. Allison wanted to know how to get “chew” alone and dye your hair red.

Because we all love Q&A from nervous contestants, it’s now time for Round Table with Ryan. Nick just wants employment. (May we recommend America’s Got Talent or Last Comic Standing?) Matt is not too old to learn new things and take advice from the snarky Brit. (He tries to make nice but Cowell ain’t having any of it.) Jesse makes weird faces and acts like the dumb one in Mean Girls. (But can she tell the weather with her boobs?) Jeanine admits to owning a fine pair of sticks and makes no apology for the boots-with-shorts combo. (Perhaps there will be another season of Farmer Takes a Wife?)

Ryan calls Allison to the stage first. She is a cute girl but the burgundy (dark fuchsia? mahogany?) helmet hair is clashing with the Minnie Mouse shirt and hooker heels. She squees a bit and then “too cool for school” Jesse and big tuff welder Matt B. are also called. Tick tock tick tock, wasting time asking Jackson what he thinks. Dawg.

It’s not really a surprise that Telemundo’s own Allison is the first one to make it to the silver spaceship stool. She is so girly and giggly until! She takes the stage and owns it. My Hubby and I have a girl this very same age and we know that it’s totally possible for them to be that way. It makes Allison a more interesting contestant, and she does the Wilson Sisters proud on their song “Alone.” (Better yet, she makes me forgive my daughter for all of her unfortunate experiments with crazy hair color.)

Next up to the center stage, are husky chick Megan Joy, who has discovered a hair straightener, and brown-eyed cutie-patootie Kris Allen. Added to that duo are piano man Matt G. and Jeanine who’s playing the role of Pocahontas tonight. Or maybe it’s Ellie Mae? No matter because she and Matt are soon sent back to the couches. Now Megan looks like she is going to faint while Kara goes on for a crazillion years about Kris being awesome.

Since we already have one female, it would make common sense for the next choice to be a male. Because the 3rd choice can be anyone, right? And that would ruin some of the suspense. (Oh, but math confuses me.)

When it’s all added up, it’s evident that Kris is the one picked between him and Megan. Even though HE is surprised and so is everybody. We here at Aunt Pearl’s house can not remember a time that a song by Mister Jerkwad, er Michael Jackson actually worked out for anyone.

At any rate, Kris is adorable and Megan will not get to be the random blonde pretty girl in the top 12 this year. At least not yet; Wild Card show still to come lest we forget.

We have to sit through the mirror song again but it doesn’t look like Kris needs to “change his ways” very much. He’s cute in a grown-up WebKinz way and has a serviceable set of pipes.

So the two we have so far – Allison and Kris – have made it to the top 12 in spite of having little air time in the previous six weeks of this show. Wow. Simon was not the only one praying last night.

For no apparent reason other than a way to waste time between now and that ridiculous cooking show, we see an Idols Past montage. It’s the same one that aired at the beginning of the season, with lots of Clay in all his different personas, Elliott’s adorable mom, and all of the winning champs’ confetti. Anything that ends with David Cook being happy is a good thing for me, so I’m okay with this filler.

Thank goodness the “hulu” aliens that abducted Brooke White last year have brought her back safe and sound. America’s favorite barefoot nanny is back at her piano, looking rested, pretty and as sweet as we remember. She sings a song she co-wrote called “Hold Up My Heart” and does not stutter a single note. I am going right to iTunes to purchase this ditty, because it’s a neat song and sunny Brooke is worth 99 cents.

Back to eliminations… wow, Brooke made me forget all that for awhile. Ryan brings the remaining five kids down to the stage. Cute Mishavonna, Kai “Frodo,” Adam “Minnelli,” bedazzled Jasmine, and Nick/Norman/or is it Normund? I don’t care, just want him gone. (If he makes it through, I welcome Sylar to come and finish cutting the top of my head off.)

Ryan dismisses Mishavonna, Kai and Jasmine just-like-that. Poof be gone. Last week’s last two standing was diva Tatiana and shoo-in Danny. Because the producers of this show think that we all have the last name of Gump, we have a déjà vu moment. We are made to believe that it’s now between the (Cl)ass Clown and the Chosen One. Riiiiight.

Just like last week there is fake tension and then! Adam makes it and Nick/Norman/ Normund/ whatever-the-heck is sent back to wherever they locked up Del Torro.

Adam and his very tight pants can still get no “Satisfaction” not even with a chain belt thingy from the Daughtry collection. My Kid is overjoyed because she loves everything about him and his black nails and humongous rings and ironed black hair. Adam has a practically perfect voice but he’s more Edward Scissorhands than Edward Cullen, RANDY.

So now there are six… four guys and two gals, and so far the (mostly) whitest bunch of contestants we’ve ever seen on the show. Two of them shoved in our face from day one, two dark horses, and two talented newcomers.

Tonight’s Quotes:

Allison: “I am just so freakin’ happy right now!” (this is exactly what my teenage kid would say.)

Kris: “I feel really freakin’ nervous right now.” (ditto to above)

Paula: “Simon, you’re a GNAT!”

Brooke White (to the contestants): “Don’t google your name.”

Simon: “I’m hoping me and God have got a good relationship right now.”

The last group performs next Tuesday: Arianna Afsar, Ju’Not Joyner, Kristen McNamara, Nathaniel Marshall, Lil Rounds, Jorge Nuñez, Kendall Beard, Scott MacIntyre, Felicia Barton, Von Smith, Taylor Vaifanua, and Alex Wagner-Trugman.

I am most excited about Lil and hope she does well. It will be interesting to see how they spin Felicia replacing controversial Joanna Pacitti.

Wednesday will be results night for group 3, which will bring us 9 total contestants that have been voted through by the masses. Thursday is the Wild Card show and the judges will pick the final 3 of the top 12. With four judges and only 3 silver stools, someone is getting left out. Now who needs Sylar?

The 2nd Group of 12 Do Not “Bring It”

I was looking forward to American Idol all day yesterday, just to find out that it had been moved to tonight. From January to May, Tuesday without Idol is like SpongeBob without Patrick. Dean Winchester without his Impala or Jack Bauer without explosives.

Hopefully it will be worth the wait because it’s been a long day. Casual Day Ryan tells us that we are the Judge & Jury and will decide which three of tonight’s singers will advance to the Top 12.

Ryan chats with the judges who are thankfully aligned in a row in which we are familiar, with Simon on the end where he belongs. The judges tell the contestants that they need to “bring it” with the “right songs,” and Kara’s hair looks pretty.

The gal who drew the short straw in the spot of doom is cute teenager Jasmine Murray. I have liked her from the beginning when she sang the Fergie song. Tonight she’s doing the one that Ann Marie dissed last week, “Love Song” by Sara Bareilles. Jasmine does okay, considering what she has to work with. This ditty is repetitive and gets stuck in your head but does not showcase her vocal talent very well. At critique time, she’s told that she is pitchy and all over the place. The good news is that she is “commercial,” you know, like a shiny red Ford 150 pickup truck. Jasmine says that she had fun so it’s all good.

Unlike last week’s “family in the red room,” tonight they stay in the audience away from Ryan’s microphone. We do not even get to see if they have cool tee shirts. Bummer.

Another random observation: where the heck are Rickey Minor and the band?? Are they backstage? Are the contestants singing to backing tracks? (If so, that is a big step back for this show.) And why aren’t any of them playing instruments like last year? Not sure what is going on this season…

Up next is Matt Giraud, who did so well during Hollywood with his keyboard and Ray Charles style. Tonight he’s doing the Coldplay song about when iTunes ruled the world. His voice and performance are both painful; he’s like Nemo in the fish tank instead of the ocean. It’s just that bad and seems to never end. It sounds like he’s singing into a fan and not the good CD-buying kind. All of the judges agree that the viewing audience should remember how great he did earlier in the season and forget tonight. Simon even cuts to the chase and calls it horrible. Looks like Matt will be back to dueling-piano-playing soon.

We have not had a chance to meet Jeanine Vailes yet, so she makes up for it by appearing half nekkid. Daisy Duke only wishes she had short-shorts this revealing. Paired with a tuxedo jacket and CFM shoes, at least she’s got the “I must look like a slut in my music video” thing going for her. Unfortunately, she sings the Maroon 5 song that Blake Lewis did better, “This Love.” The background vocals are not blending with her voice at all. After telling her eight thousand times that she has “great legs,” she finally gets a “nice lips,” too. Nothing good about her song choice though.

Next up is the bane of my Idol existence, Nick/Norman Mitchell/Gentle. Having this dude in the semi-finals is fueling the flames of this show’s critics everywhere and rightly so. It’s like putting Randy Hickey as the point guard in the Final Four. In other words, FOUL! As expected, Nick is ridiculously over-the-top and does a Weird Al Yankovic version of the Dreamgirls song. Simon actually says that he PRAYS Nick does not make it through. (Wow. Simon praying. Not two words I ever thought I’d see together.) Of course the other three think it’s funny as all get-out. Gawsh.

Well, tonight is not going well so far, and I feel almost as sick to my stomach as Nick’s poor dad. Poor guy sat in the audience with that deer-in-headlight look. Here at Aunt Pearl’s house we are contemplating (to paraphrase Ladies Home Journal): “Can This Show be Saved?”

Moving on… red-haired teenager Allison Iraheta is the pride and joy of Telemundo. They don’t tell us during the show about her previous contest winnings because we don’t speak Spanish yet. Allison is giggly and inarticulate during Ryan-banter, but she blows us away with her rendition of Heart’s “Alone.” Carrie who? I like this kid’s voice a lot and so do the judges. She gets a “blew it out da box” from Randy and the old “Phone Book” standard from Paula. They even give her the Kelly Clarkson comparison, which could be the kiss of death. (Carly Smithson anyone?)

Another guy that we have seen very little of, Kris Allen, is up next. Fresh-faced and clean-cut, he looks like he could be David Archuleta’s older brother. My Hubby and I roll our eyes when we hear he’s doing “Man in the Mirror.” White boys should not sing Michael Jackson songs; it’s just creepy. Kris doesn’t have a terrible voice but it’s nothing special, very blah. Like almost everyone before him tonight, Kris gets told that he did better in the earlier rounds. We hope so because we did not get to see that. The judges are mixed and want to say mostly good things, maybe to pull us from this loll we are in tonight.

Megan Corkery is a gorgeous young lady and a single mom. The tattoo on her arm looks like one of those fake sleeves, but alas the gaudy thing is real. She has a unique voice and does mostly good on “Put Your Records On.” There are parts of her vocal that are as off as Antonella’s in season 6 though. Evidently the judges are hearing something totally different than us, because they think she’s great. Kara must have a marketing degree because she goes on and on about the “complete package.” Randy name-drops a few people that he probably has not worked with before because they’re from this decade.

Those within the AI bubble already know that Matt Breitzke is a welder and family man. He also has a very good voice from what we’ve seen so far. Too bad tonight he chooses something all wrong for him, “If You Could Only See” by Tonic. It’s so vanilla and not in a good Breyers Double Churned Light way. Matt can sing much better than this, although at least he is hitting the notes. Simon reminds him of how much he likes the working man but didn’t like the song. The other judges concur and Matt disagrees with them. Never a good idea to talk back, especially when they are not wrong.

Blues artist Jonny Lang’s sister, Jesse Langseth is up next. She is one of those gals who can put on some make-up and look like a completely different person. Her voice sounds like Megan’s, smoky and different. She sings one of my favorite songs when I was in high school – “Bette Davis Eyes.” (Naturally My Kid says WHO?) Jesse does a decent job of Kim Carnes, although she loses some of the higher notes. For some reason, the judges don’t like Jesse as much as we think they should. Jesse doesn’t help matters by going into Brooke White babble mode. “Too cool for school?” Nah.

Caretaker Kai Kalama sure looks better with a hat on. He has a really handsome face when the caught-in-weed-whacker ‘fro is covered. Tonight Kai sings an old R&B song “What Becomes of the Brokenhearted.” His voice is fine, but like so many others tonight he is playing it too safe. There is no “oomph” to his performance. Although Kai sang better than most of tonight’s folks, he gets ripped to shreds during judge time. Every card is played from “pitchy” to “hotel singer.” It seems the judges are harsher on the ones that they don’t think are as “commercial” even if they sing better.

Cute teenager Mishavonna Henson promises America that she will not let us down tonight. Not sure how she can keep that promise when she says she’s singing “Drops of Jupiter,” one of the most annoying songs ever. Her voice sounds okay for the most part, and thank goodness she does not show us a “permanent scar” like Ace Young did a few years ago. Her outfit screams young Jenna Rink in 13 Going on 30. After arguing about what the stupid song even means, the judges finally tell Mishavonna that she needs to loosen up and act her age. Simon even says she’s cold, as if he can talk.

We are reminded for the zillionth time that Adam Lambert is a seasoned pro at theatrical performing. Of course he is in the pimp spot this evening because that is how this show rolls. Adam promises to get the over-singing under control and dial the flamboyancy down a notch. It looks like he is successful because he goes a good job on “Satisfaction;” he does not try to mimic Mick Jagger’s vocal style. However, towards the end he goes way above and beyond the call of duty. That sound your cat makes when you hit its tail with the rocking chair? That’s Adam. Naturally the judges love him six ways from Sunday.

There is no doubt that Adam Lambert will be one of the three passed on to the top 12 tomorrow night. Who the other two will be is anyone’s guess. If the judges have their way, the female contestant will be pretty blonde Megan although Allison sang the best tonight. As long as one of them is NOT Nick Mitchell, I don’t really care.

Best Quotes:

Ryan: “You look great in every seat, Randy.”

Ryan: “You should see me do the ‘Cold Hearted Snake,’ Paula.”

So ends the worst episode of American Idol ever in eight seasons. As My Kid says, Oh Em Gee. THAT was ruff. With apologies to Buffy Summers, tonight’s show happened to “on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it.”

The First 3 of the Top 12 = Awesome

Michael Johns and Carly Smithson

For the most part, Tuesday night’s performance episode was like a train wreck. Tonight is when the clean up crew comes in to sweep the debris from the tracks.

Ryan says that 24 million votes came in, which is approximately the same number as the dedicated viewing audience. You go Idol fans!

Tonight 9 people will get the ax and 3 will remain. This is a difficult format to get used to, and I find myself having to explain it to My Hubby and My Kid more than once. And trying to describe the Wild Card show later this season? It’s just too much work…

First we have filler fodder with Ryan/Judges banter. There are double entendres galore and really not necessary, but that’s just how it goes with Cowell & Seacrest sometimes.

Simon claims that he is impressed with Kara’s performance as a judge so far, which translates to “she can complete a coherent sentence and form words of more than one syllable.” It has been a nice change of pace so far.

Now it’s Group Song Time! The twelve do the Jason Mraz song “I’m Yours” because every time we turn our radio on, that song is playing. We all know this one and can sing along. My Kid says that they look like they are doing Ring Around the Rosie and she expects them to all fall down any minute. The singing is not bad, especially when they sing in trios. As far as choreography goes, the stand-outs during the Group Song are Stephen and Anoop. All of the brunette girls seem to cancel each other out in a weird way. By the end of the song it’s evident that this ditty is not meant to be sung by a group.

Recap of last night’s “raw” show… Jackie wanted a little less conversation and little more spandex please. Ricky had no bad rhyme with his song for us. Michael didn’t wanna be anything other than in the top 12. Stevie could not find any notes that belonged to her. Casey did every little thing wrong but was so pretty. Stephen rocked his way back to Cleveland. Brent returned to his country roots in Hicktown. Tatiana was saving all of her love for the guy with the “sound stick.” Anoop is the angel of UNC and NC BBQ. Ann Marie was a natural woman as opposed to processed. Alexis never loved a man the way that we all love her. Danny said the hero lies in all of us and we believe him.

Ryan chats with a few of the nervous contestants for awhile. Jackie gives herself a solid B+ for last night. The outfit still gets an F though. Anoop admits that he is only calm on the outside. Humble Tatiana is evidently on her medication. Or maybe Paula’s? Stevie is still confused about the whole “in the box/out of the box” advice from the judges.

Now it’s time to get down to business. There are 3 water-fountain-shaped seats for the 3 singers that are moving on to the next round.

First up is Casey who admits her song choice was bad but she had fun. She is not making it to the Top 12, but hopefully she can get on a soap or that Tyra modeling show.

Next up is Stephen and he and his Buckwheat hair are dismayed that they are not making it through. One day perhaps these kids will learn that doing MJ is the kiss of death.

Alexis is up next and the audience goes wild. Good to know that we are not the only ones who love her. I’m so thrilled that she made it to Top 12 that I get a bit misty-eyed, especially when I see her parents. My Kid says, “I did not know her dad was Jerry Garcia.”

Thankfully cute Alexis is wearing a hat from the Johnny Depp collection instead of Aretha’s. She does get to sing Ms. Franklin’s song again though.

Having the Top 3 repeat their songs is SO much better than having the losers do theirs again amidst tears and meltdowns.. I am really liking this format now. It would be a very long show if the 9 rejects had to sing, so duh.

Ryan calls Ricky and Jackie up next. After jerking them around awhile, they learn that both of them are going home. This is too bad because Ricky never stood a chance with no previous air time. (I just noticed that he looks a bit like CCM artist Jeremy Camp.)

Anoop and Michael are called up together next. We hope that this time it’s a two-fer because we like both of these guys. Unfortunately, Anoop did not make it which is a surprise. Hopefully he’ll get another chance during the Wild Card round.

Michael reprises the Gavin DeGraw song but we’re too disappointed to enjoy it now. I like him a lot but it’s too bad that both of our NC guys are out of the competition.

Next we get an infomercial for The American Idol Experience at Disney World. They show short clips of all of the past Idols who attended the opening. Cookie and Carrie-bot sing a Fleetwood Mac song together and they sound pretty good.

Tonight’s special guests are last season’s Michael Johns and Carly Smithson. Carly tells a funny story about losing her wig while on tour, and I expect Paula to stand up and say “Me too!” They sing the song they did together during the finale last year called “The Letter.” I read on the AI website that Michael and Carly also coached the contestants during Hollywood Week. That would have been much more interesting to watch than the season 8 Drama Queens.

The lights dim again and Ryan asks Ann Marie, Brent and Stevie to stand. They don’t even rate a walk down to center stage? That’s cold. Not surprisingly, all three are going home.

Now we have the last two remaining – Danny and Tatiana. This should be a no-brainer, but we’ve seen enough of these elimination episodes to know that sometimes the wrong person goes home.

Ryan draws the suspense out for at least one hundred thousand years and everybody just wants to KNOW already. We’re all aware of the anti-Idol web sites out there that encourage viewers to vote for whoever is the most terrible. This could go either way; even Paula seems nervous.

Finally we learn that Danny is the one going to the Top 12. Thank God! I was not looking forward to boycotting American Idol forever. Strange how the camera lingers on Tatiana, who cries and cries but with no tears.

When Danny sings “Hero” again, we are too relieved to be annoyed at how the camera still wants to focus on Tatiana instead of the one who is actually singing. Perhaps they are waiting for her vasovagal syncope?

As long as Danny and his supporters will let Sophia rest in peace, I will remain his loyal fan. Hopefully they will learn from David Cook last year – he was able to win American Idol without ever mentioning his brother’s battle with cancer. Danny and Crew: take a note from this page please. There’s only so much more we can take.

My Kid mentions that Danny is like Cook and Archuleta combined – he has the awesome gravelly voice of one and the “I want to give you sunshine and puppies” of the other.

Two of my favorites are in the Top 12 – Alexis and Danny – and I’m okay with Michael too. America got this one right (mostly.)

Group 2 will perform next Tuesday. They are: Megan Corkery, Kris Allen, Mishavonna Henson, Matt Breitzke, Allison Iraheta, Matt Giraud, Jasmine Murray, Kai Kalama, Jesse Langseth, Adam Lambert, Jeanine Vailes, and blech! Nick Mitchell.

Best Quote of the Evening:

Michael (about his friends back home): “They're either making fun of me for being a sissy, or they're proud.”

‘Til Tuesday!

The First Group of 12 Recycle and Rehash

Tonight we have two hours to get through 12 songs, each lasting roughly 90 seconds. Do the math and it all adds up to much filler fodder. But no worries, because that Seacrest knows how to facilitate.

Ryan polls the judges for their opinions on what the contestants need to do tonight to blow us away and win our votes. Those of us who have watched this show forever already know that Simon will say “Sing well.” Ryan calls him on that and we are offered the usual clichés (all together now): “Be in it to win it.” “Don’t let the nerves get to you.” “Make the magic happen.” “You’ve got one shot.”

The voting process is different this year; they have gone back to the original format. The 36 singers have been broken into three groups of 12, and over the next three weeks they will perform. Each week only three contestants will make it through to the Top 12. The fourth week there will be a Wild Card show and the judges will choose the final three singers. (Wow, that is a lot of “threes” in one paragraph!)

This evening the family members of the contestants will sit in the “red room” in the loft above the stage and offer moral support. All have daggers shooting from their eyes toward Simon. Some of them have really clever tee shirts that you can order online. But I digress because…

Finally! We get to some singing. They can choose any song from the Billboard charts ever, so the playing field is wide open. (As long as it’s in the American Idol Songbook of Cleared Tunes.)

Up first in the spot of doom is bluesy-rocker Jackie Tohn. Wikipedia informs us that Jackie is not only a singer but has been acting since she was a child. Tonight she sings Elvis’ “A Little Less Conversation” otherwise known as “the song that got Chris Daughtry the boot in season 5.” Jackie puts her own spin on the song but her performance is somewhat manic; it seems like she’d be more comfortable with her guitar. And why she raided The Go-Gos’ closet is anybody’s guess. For the most part the judges think she’s entertaining but silly.

Next up is Ricky Braddy, to which we say WHO? Because it’s the very first time that we’ve had the opportunity to meet him officially, we learn that he is from Elizabeth City, NC. YAY! Another North Carolinian in the bunch; we did not know this. Ricky is singing the Leon Russell song that put season 5’s Elliott Yamin on the map – “A Song for You.” Although I groan at this news at first, he quickly wins me over with his practically perfect vocal. The judges agree that Ricky’s days of cooking chicken tenders are over, because that was awesome.

Lovely Alexis Grace has the delicate features of Sixpence None the Richer’s Leigh Nash, but her vocals are strong and powerful. She sings the way overdone-on-Idol Aretha song “Never Loved a Man” but she makes us believe we haven’t already heard it a thousand times. This girl is fantastic and she personifies “making the song her own.” The judges pile heaps of luv on her and reminisce about how the simple mom-next-door has morphed into a red-lipstick-wearing diva. As Kara says, “The genie is out of the bottle” indeed. Hopefully she won’t have to go back in tomorrow night.

After a brief technical mishap with the video (I bet someone is getting a pink slip tonight), we get to see Brent Keith. Since Brent was on season two of Nashville Star it is no surprise that he is performing a country song tonight. I don’t listen to country very often so I have no basis of comparison. The song is called “Hick Town” and he sounds exactly like every other male country singer I’ve ever heard. Brent gets played the dreaded “chili cook-off” card from the judges and he’s not happy about it. That back-talking can cost him votes too, but maybe he’ll get by on his very cute dimples.

Darling teenager Stevie Wright got picked on so much during Hollywood Week about being so Old School, that she’s changing her style tonight. Unfortunately, she’s going with a Taylor Swift song and it’s not a good idea. The poor girl is scared to death and totally out of her element. The song is too fast and too bubblegum. Where is the girl who sang “At Last” so wonderfully? After the judges tell her how awful the performance was, she returns to the comfort of her family in the “red room.” They discuss with Ryan how wishy-washy the judges are with their “advice” and that is so very true.

NC’s very own Anoop Desai is next and we have high hopes for him; he has offered stellar performances from what we’ve seen so far. Although we don’t learn this during his video, the ‘net reveals that he’s been in a vocal group called the UNC Clef Hangers. It is evident that he is used to singing with others although he does well with “Angel of Mine.” Anoop says that this is a song he dearly loves and he sings it like he means it. All of the judges are on board except Simon, who wasn’t expecting “Anoop Dog” to be so serious. Paula compares him to Brian McKnight, so THERE Simon!

Evidently there are no Mandy Moore songs in the American Idol catalog for her look-a-like Casey Carlson to sing. Instead, the Campus Girls bikini model inexplicably chooses “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic” and it’s just wrong. Did she learn nothing from Chris Sligh? Someone needs to call The Police. The judges call her out on the winking and crazy faces and bad notes. They go on for a hundred years about her being more beautiful than Becky O’Donahue and Haley Scarnato put together, which is true. Casey gets the “karaoke” kiss of death but is respectful and walks away with dignity.

One of the most likable contestants that we’ve seen in years is “roughneck” Michael Sarver. The guy is just plain nice. While he sings “I Don’t Want to Be,” My Kid and I make a list of all the other guys who have done this song on the show. We come up with: Bo Bice, Elliott Yamin, and Chris Richardson. Michael actually holds his own against the others from years past. He puts just enough into the performance without going over the top. Although the judges don’t totally agree about Michael, Paula (and I) think that he did Gavin DeGraw proud. Even Simon hopes he gets votes.

An early favorite of mine, Ann Marie Boskovich comes to the stage next. We are reminded of her “faux makeover” during the initial audition round. Because this song has never been done on Idol (that was my sarcastic voice), tonight she is doing “Natural Woman.” It’s too bad that she is as awkward as Aretha’s inauguration hat. Her singing is okay but it’s not as good as we expected and pales in comparison to Kelly’s season one rendition. A very uncomfortable moment occurs during critique time with Ann Marie dissing Sara Bareilles, and then she gets the dreaded “hotel singer” analogy.

Stephen Fowler will never live down the way he massacred David Cook’s coronation song in Hollywood. The grown-up version of Buckwheat says that he realizes how lucky he is to get another chance. After all, the guy has a smooth, sexy voice. Why does he decide to blow his opportunity on an old Michael Jackson song, we wonder? MJ is just one of those legendary singers that you don’t try to perform. Plus he’s way creepy. All of the judges agree that Stephen has a remarkable voice but alas, this was the wrong song choice. Simon even snarks that he wished Stephen had forgotten the lyrics again.

Up next is Tatiana Del Toro, gal of the thousand giggles. She speaks semi intelligently during her video and must be on meds now. We are very thankful for that and I bet her fellow contestants are as well. I roll my eyes when she says she’s doing Whitney. OMG! I wish I had a nickel for every time the judges have said to these kids: “Do not do Whitney. Or Celine. Or Mariah.” However, a strange thing happens when Tatiana takes the stage: she actually sings well and gives a subdued (for her) performance. The judges are disappointed by this and want the crazy chick back. February is sweeps month!

The last singer tonight is Danny Gokey and if anyone deserves the coveted “pimp spot” it’s him. Although he’s been criticized by some fans for being so open about his late wife, I can understand it from a personal standpoint. Sometimes it helps keep a loved one’s memory alive by talking about them. Danny is breaking the “no divas” rule, but in a good gravelly, growly way. He sings Mariah’s “Hero” and it’s the best he’s done so far. Three cheers for the church music director, but Simon says he’s not buying the hype. Whatevs.

Tonight’s Quotes:

Ryan: “This panel of judges is starting to look like The View.”

Paula: “But perfect sometimes is boring.”

Tune in tomorrow night to learn which guy and which gal, as well as which 3rd place person make it through. My money’s on Alexis and Danny for sure. I’d like to see either of the NC guys, Anoop or Ricky make it through also. With zero air time prior to tonight, we don’t have high hopes for Ricky though.

At least the show is on the GO GREEN bandwagon. They recycled 9 out of 12 songs tonight. It was almost like watching a rerun.

Remember: for a limited time you can download tonight’s favorite performances from iTunes. At least two of these songs will be on my Shuffle tomorrow.

Joanna Out/Felicia In

A press release was issued from the American Idol folks that Joanna Pacitti has been disqualified from the competition. She has been replaced by Felicia Barton. We briefly saw Felicia in her initial audition performing "Put Your Records On."

According to the official report, Joanna was let go due to a conflict of interest, not for forgetting the lyrics to almost every song she sang while on the show.

Welcome Felicia... and good luck.

The Top 36 – “Final Judgment, Final Cut”

Voiceover Ryan informs us to forget everything that we thought we knew about the process of choosing the Top 36.

No more grueling ride in The Elevator of Shame to take the long walk across the wooden floor to sit in The Chair of Destiny. This time the contestants will walk through a garden and meet their fate in the parlor of The Judges’ Mansion. They still face “the chair,” but at least it’s a cushy one.

The intimidating desk that the judges sit behind is gone also; they have red throne-like wingchairs instead. Each contestant will be presented before them and the ones that receive a long-stemmed red rose get to stay. Wait…wrong show.

Another change is that some of the contestants will have to participate in a “sing-off” against each other. This will enable the judges to make their final decision of exactly who will fill the coveted 36 slots. (Or it could just be a ploy to cause suspense.)

The first singer to take the walk through the garden is delightful UNC graduate student Anoop Desai. The judges adore him and his smooth vocals and gladly welcome him and his cool scarf to season 8.

Next is Von Smith, who is anxious to know if there is a future on the show for him. After discussing the “indulgent nonsense” comment that Simon made during Hollywood Week, he learns that he is on to the next round.

A sing-off between My Kid’s favorite, Alex Wagner-Trugman and amateur thriller movie maker Cody Sheldon transpires next. Since they are friends they do not feel comfortable competing directly against each other like this. But the cruel antics of The Powers That Be must be obeyed. Of the two boys, Alex has a smoother voice and is chosen over Cody. Alex can’t even revel in the victory and calls it “as bittersweet as it can get.”

Theatrical Adam Lambert talks about the rollercoaster ride of Hollywood Week. He reminds me of Criss Angel minus the Playboy Bunny. It is no surprise that Adam makes Top 36.

Tall teenager Taylor Vaifanua is featured next. We’ve not seen much of “Jordin 2.0” since her first audition but she makes it through.

Also making it to the next round are these gals: Jasmine Murray (YAY!), Arianna Afsar, Casey Carlson, Megan Corkrey, Mishavonna Henson and Stevie Wright (YAY!!).

When Joanna Pacitti sits before the judges it seems apparent that her lyric-blowing performances during Hollywood Week will cause the end of her AI journey this year. Oddly this is not the case and she’s told she made it through. Do what Bubba?

Before we can think of other synonyms for “plant” we’re told that these (mostly unknown to us) unfortunate ones did not make the cut: T.K. Hash, Chris Chatham and Reggi Beasley.

Fresh blonde Kendall Beard had an uneven week in Hollywood, especially when trying to attempt Sarah McLachlan. After yanking her chain a bit, the judges inform lovely Kendall that she’s made it through.

The next sing-off occurs between two-toned Kristen McNamara and a gal that we’ve not heard sing yet. Her name is Jenn Korbee and turns out that she auditioned with her husband. They were the ones caught on camera smooching all the time. Both ladies do country(ish) songs and Kristen is clearly the better singer. My Kid is offended when Paula criticizes Kristen for her sense of style and tells her that she needs to up her game. Despite Simon’s wish to keep pretty Jenn instead of edgy Kristen, the latter is the one staying in the competition.

We get to see charming Alexis Grace again with her look-alike daughter Ryan. She is a great singer and we’re thrilled to see her get the chance to proceed on the show.

Scott MacIntyre also makes it through, and we wonder how he will fare during the group performances. I bet he does better than most of the two-left-feet kids from last season.

The incredible Lil Rounds has the best qualities of Fantasia and Melinda Doolittle, two of my favorite AI ladies from seasons past. It’s joyous news but no surprise that she makes it through.

A trio of ousted contestants are shown next, but we did not get a chance to meet most of them – Felicia Barton, Ashley Hollister and Devon Baldwin.

Evidently Frankie Jordan had a doppelganger because I really thought I saw her get cut after Group Song Day. Oh well… she has a sing-off with Jesse Langseth. We’ve only heard a snippet of Jesse; she has a very bluesy style. Although the judges are unhappy with song choice by both ladies, Jesse makes the cut. A disappointed Frankie leaves with her husband and baby.

More unknowns are shown getting the axe and they are very upset about it. Lots of tears from Shera Lawrence and Derik Lavers.

Allison Iraheta is very good for a 16-year-old. She is one of the singers to make it through that we’ve seen very little of so far.

A lot has been said about the friendship between Danny and Jamar and we are hoping that these two guys will not have to face each other in a sing-off. Because our memory spans are small we have to be reminded every single episode that Danny is a recent widower. We KNOW already, okay producers?

In spite of the sob story, we like everything about Danny Gokey and his cool red glasses. Simon pretends to snark on him about being too confident. Please let’s not go down the David Cook road again. Thankfully Danny gets a chance to prove that he is indeed “relevant.”

Jamar Rogers has a lip ring to add to his cheek piercing. Somehow he is adorable in spite of this ughness. He’s told that he’s not Top 36 material and Danny is more upset about the news than Jamar.

The next contestant is completely unknown to me – I have not heard one note from him yet. Poor editing is one of the major complaints about this darn show. Ricky Braddy, whoever he is, has made it through to the next round.

Also making it are these fellows: Matt Giraud, Ju'not Joyner, Jorge Nuñez and Brent Keith.

In spite of his onstage tantrum in front of the judges on the last day of Hollywood Week, “Buckwheat” Stephen Fowler actually makes the cut. I do not understand this freakin’ show, man. This choice renders Simon’s lectures null and void.

Next, it’s Nick Mitchell instead of “Norman Gentle” who sits before the judges to learn his fate. We hear that he’s made it through and I just threw up a little. You are killing me, American Idol.

Rocking Jackie Tohn is like the Energizer Bunny especially when she learns she’s Top 36. She kicks off her heels and runs like mad.

America’s Most Annoying Tatiana Del Toro is wearing her very best Paula jewelry from QVC. She’s in overdrive-crazy mode but they don’t hit her with the chair like they should. Paula gives her one of her rings, just to get her to STFU. And of course we are stuck with her because that’s just how bad this show sucks this year.

Drama Queen Nathaniel Marshall and his headbands are dismayed to learn that he has to face off against a friend named Jackie Midkiff. We don’t know Jackie but it doesn’t matter. Once we are shown the montage of poor Nate’s pitiful home life – he is like the male Kellie Pickler – we know his fate has already been decided. Nathaniel easily beats Jackie at singing and is going on to compete for mainstream America’s votes. Good luck with that, dude.

Another complete unknown is gorgeous Jeanine Vailes. How will she make it through the first round when she’s received no air time? It’s the never-ending story of producer manipulation. Loathsome creatures.

Others that we will be voting for starting soon: Kai Kalama, Ann Marie Boskovich (YAY!!!) and Kris Allen.

Our two hard-working family men, the welder and the roughneck, are forced to compete in a sing-off. Matt Breitzke and Michael Sarver are both likable, ordinary, seemingly sane men with good voices. It’s like trying to decide between a double cheeseburger and meat-lovers pizza. Fortunately both remain on the “menu” for now because both of them have made it through.

These 36 singers will be competing for our votes:

Guys:
Anoop Desai
Von Smith
Alex Wagner-Trugman
Adam Lambert
Scott MacIntyre
Danny Gokey
Ricky Braddy
Matt Giraud
Ju’not Joyner
Jorge Nunez
Brent Keith
Stephen Fowler
Nick Mitchell
Nathaniel Marshall
Kai Kalama
Kris Allen
Michael Sarver
Matt Breitzke

Gals:
Taylor Vaifanua
Jasmine Murray
Arianna Afsar
Casey Carlson
Megan Corkrey
Mishavonna Henson
Stevie Wright
Joanna Pacitti
Kendall Beard
Kristen McNamara
Alexis Grace
Lil Rounds
Jesse Langseth
Allison Iraheta
Jackie Tohn
Tatiana Del Toro
Jeanine Vailes
Ann Marie Boskovich

The 36 will be divided into groups of three. The first twelve will be performing next week: Casey, Danny, Michael, Ricky, Ann Marie, Stevie, Anoop, Tatiana, Jackie, Brent, Alexis and Stephen. We see them dancing crazy to some awful Pussycat Dolls song.

Quotes of the Evening:

Kara (arguing about Jenn and Kristen): “Why don’t we just have a bunch of models come in then and we’ll put them all through?”
Randy: “That’s a great i– well…no…”

Nick: “This is unbelievable!”
Simon: “Yes, it is.
Nick: “Thank you for the jab, Simon.”

Simon: “Tatiana, just try, for once, not to be annoying.”

Tatiana: “I'm going to prove it to every guy who told me I had to sleep with him to get my album out. This is for all of you.”

Michael (to Ryan): “We would bear hug you, but you know…”
Ryan: “I’ll break?”

Tune in next week to support your favorites. For me that would be Danny and Ann Marie. Oh and Anoop because he’s from NC; gotta show love for home state folks.

Remember: their fate is in OUR hands now. Finally!

Hollywood Week – “One Last Chance”

I’ve been on a diet this week so I will start this recap with a food analogy. I know, I know - but bear with me.

American Idol has always been like a five-course meal. The initial audition cities are the soup with Hollywood week the appetizer. The roll out of the top 24 (or 36) is the salad, and the main course begins when the top 12 is finalized. The grand finale with announcement of the winner is the dessert. Throw in Idol Gives Back as a palate cleanser and we have everything we need to feel satiated. And probably ready for a nap. But I digress… BECAUSE! It’s Idol time.

Ryan, who is in disguise as Mr. Rogers, welcomes us to Day 4 of Hollywood Week. We’ve been through eight audition cities with 103,000 screaming contestants. We’ve endured the drama of Group Song Day with the requisite meltdowns. We have been blessed with THREE “singers” that we love-to-loathe. I don’t have to tell you who they are, but only two remain in the competition as of now.

The 72 remaining contestants will each get another chance to sing for the judges. They will be accompanied by a band, joined by back-up singers, and they may play an instrument if they prefer. They draw numbers to determine order of appearance. After performing they will be placed in one of the infamous Four Rooms to await their fate.

Up first is Adam Lambert, who seems more and more like David Cook’s Wicked twin. Not sure why I get that vibe; maybe it’s the guyliner? He says that he wants to twist overdone songs and make them his own (insert evil laugh here.) So Adam takes the song “Believe” by Cher and converts it into a melodramatic ballad, then adds some screamo sound effects to polish it off. Oh dear Lord. I don’t know whether to be amused or terrified. Terrimused maybe? No matter, My Kid still thinks he’s awesome.

We are flashbacked to Dueling Piano Man Matt Giraud’s first audition to see why he reminded Simon of season 5’s fabulous Elliott Yamin. Tonight he sings “Georgia on My Mind” while playing the keyboard. He is very good at the singing and the playing, a real pro. My Hubby and I like Matt a lot, so he’s got the middle-age crowd locked in.

Jamar Rogers is a retro-80s delight in kelly green and hot pink. All he needs now is an alligator emblem on his sweater. He changes “Hey There Delilah” to an R&B song, as opposed to an annoying pop one, and he sounds okay. Unfortunately he has more runs than my little dog did after she accidentally ate a cough drop.

The other half of the BFF duo – bespectacled Danny Gokey – is a much more interesting singer. His voice reminds me of Robert Downey Jr., when he sang “River” on the TV show Ally McBeal. Danny looks a bit like Robert also, and now I want him to say into the microphone “I am Iron Man.” Instead he sings a song that is the anthem of graduations every year, “I Hope You Dance.” He does an amazing job and I can’t speak because I’m choked up now. I quadruple-heart this guy and can already envision the posters in the audience: “Go Gokey!”

A few more of our early favorites are featured. We see Anoop Desai from UNC (it’s “My Prerogative” to say Boo Tarheels!) and San Juan’s favorite son Jorge Nunez. Blind pianist Scott MacIntyre tickles keys while doing Daughtry’s “Home.” He does well but is no Chris. Singing the “exit song” from season 6: bad idea or genius? Hmmm.

Finally, it’s a gal’s turn before the judges. Kendall Beard is a pretty blonde from Texas who auditioned in Puerto Rico. She has an infectious personality and does all right on the Carrie Underwood song about car vandalism.

A pattern seems to be forming tonight with the “Best of American Idols Past.” For some reason it bothers the snot out of me when the current crop of contestants perform a song made famous by a former contestant. It’s my issue and I’m dealing with it, but it still gives me the skeevies.

One of my favorite teen girls, Stevie Wright does that oh-so-catchy-rhymy Colbie Caillat song. I really like her and predict top 12 at least. Stevie is a cute gal but someone needs to get her a volumizing conditioner stat. Where is that Glam Squad they told us about on Day 1 of H’wood?

Another fave of mine is next, the fantastic Lil Rounds who sings Alicia Keys. Lil’s look has become more stylish since her first audition; she has that “it factor” that makes her stand out from the rest. She seems like a class act too, and I look forward to seeing her make top 4 at least. (My Kid and Hubby tell me to stop trying to make predictions because I will jinx everyone. Heh.)

Less impressive is two-toned park-a-Caddy-in-my-mouth Kristen McNamara. Something about her reminds me of season 4’s Jessica Sierra, pre train wreck. Last week’s drama with Nate and Nancy is still fresh on the mind. Plus she does the Kelly Clarkson song “Because of You” and didn’t we learn anything from Lisa Tucker a couple of years ago? Do these contestants even watch this show? C’mon!

A girl named Mishavonna Henson is next, to which we all say WHO? I search the memory bank and do not have any knowledge of her. Apparently she made it to Hollywood last year, blah yadda blah. She wasn’t humiliated enough so she is now back for more. At least she knows how to play the game. Cute girl from the little we have seen, but I smell smoke from cannon fodder.

It’s room shifting time… We see a room that contains Adam, Anoop and Scott, so it must be a Yes Room. But we won’t know for sure until later. The judges sort and stack and hem and haw and another group goes into a second room.

Tatiana (hahahahahaha) Del Toro is as irritating as ever. My Kid says that she’s like the ADHD version of Katharine McPhee. I disagree because I actually liked Kat. Tatiana, not so much. We get a recap of the hundred songs that she has sung since she sashayed into the San Francisco audition. Her voice is decent, not great, especially on the hallowed Whitney. Poor Tat is obviously being kept around as a ratings stunt.

All too briefly we see cute mom Alexis Grace, who has some pink in her hair now. You go Alexis! She is simply adorable even though she sings the way overdone “Before He Cheats” song.

We also get a glimpse of a guy named Kenny, who is cute and makes My Kid squee a little bit. Not sure where they’ve been hiding this boy.

Jasmine Murray nails the Jordin Sparks song “Tattoo.” She is another one that I like a lot so far, not just for her talent but she has a good attitude.

Drama Queen Nathaniel Marshall plays guitar and does an acoustic version of a Rihanna song. He sounds pretty good but facial piercings make my eyes burn.

Evidently the lecture that Simon gave earlier during H’wood Week has been dismissed. “Forget the words and you’re out!” Oops. There goes Joanna Pacitti who “ain’t got” the lyrics down pat and Casey Carlson is nasty on “Tattoo.”

A prickly Stephen Fowler mangles David Cook’s “Time of My Life.” Yep, it’s definitely the ghosts of Idols Past in the Kodak Theater tonight.

Pain in the Rear #2 is Norman, or Nick Mitchell. I don’t give too fast craps what his name is because he makes me mad. He would be fine on the other Simon Cowell-produced show America’s Got Talent, but not for MY show. For the love of all that’s holy, why is he still here? Oh yeah, ratings stunt. He draws in the Jackass crowd. I can’t take anymore of him so I go get a low-carb snack.

I am getting nervous because one of my other fave gals, Ann Marie Boskovich is in the same room as Nick/Norman. She was uncertain of singing the Lee Ann Womack song because apparently several others sang that one as well. Stupid limited song selection strikes again for the thousandth time. Ann Marie does pretty well with “I Hope You Dance” but not as good as Danny.

We are re-introduced to Juno’t Joyner, another season 7 contender who is back for another beating this year. My Kid says that she thought Juno was a pregnant teenager but Ryan explains that this is a guy with a silent ‘t on the end. This Juno’t does have an adorable kid though, but he was not adopted by Jennifer Garner. At any rate, he turns the Plain White T’s song into a soulful ballad and it’s fine.

Meanwhile, back in the psycho ward, Tatiana is getting yanked around from one room to the other. The Idiots In Charge have no mercy sometimes. Please get this chick on The Hills or The City or anywhere but here.

Needless to say, the folks in the same room as Nick/Norman and Tatiana have mentally checked out already. Their bags are already packed, even if only in their heads. Even Ryan thinks so.

A youngster named Kaylan Loyd gets her feelings hurt by Simon for no apparent reason. Her singing was not that bad. Maybe he was just tired of hearing that Alicia song? Anyway, she pouts and stomps for awhile and we don’t have high hopes for her.

At least we get to see a decent performance by Leneshe Young, the former homeless gal who sang her original song “Natty” during her initial audition. I also liked her version of “I’m Not Going to Write You a Love Song.”

Kai Kalama has LOST it but not in a good Sayid Jarrah way. His voice has given out on him and he can barely sing for the judges. He does his best while strumming guitar.

Michael Sarver, who we also know as Jeremy, performs what sounds like a country tune. He has the hard-working family man vibe that hopefully will draw votes once the competition gets to the “meat” stage.

Many hours pass… the judges have been through piles of photos and index cards and whiteboards and videos. The 72 singers (well, 70 singers and 2 irritants) have been separated into the Four Rooms. Which one(s) will be the Room of Doom?

Simon has to catch a plane so he leaves. (*cough*coward*cough*) Paula, Randy and Kara are left to tell both the good and bad news to the Four Rooms. At least Paula can mesmerize everyone with her big necklace made of sheet metal.

The first room has the following: Alexis, Joanna, Casey, Arianna, and Jasmine. After a psych out moment (unfortunately minus Shawn and Gus) they learn they have made it through to the next round.

Everyone in the next room is feeling low because they can hear the shouts of glee from the previous room. They know they are going home and they do. We will not be seeing anymore of these: Leneshe, India, Kaylan, and Jason Castro’s brother Michael.

The next room is a shoo-in with some of the best ones. Anoop, Scott, Danny, Lil, Matt, Adam and a few others. I’d bet real money that they are going to make it and they do. Gimme my money.

Those of us who have watched this show since the beginning know to always expect the unexpected. So the unexpected becomes the norm, right? Right. In the last room, there is much nerve-wracking and nail biting. Matt Breitzke, the tough-looking welder, even raises his hand and says “So it’s a no right?” Tatiana is so hysterical that someone is going to hit her upside the head with a guitar soon. (Please!) Finally mercifully, they are told that they have made it through also. Yay for Ann Marie!

It looks like the judges picked the Top 50 tonight. The good news is at least we got to hear some pretty good singing, even if it was a night of Seasons 1 – 7 Redux.

Because I take this cheesefest way more seriously than I should, I am annoyed right now. The judges seem to be talking out of both sides of their mouths with the whole “don’t forget the words” rule. We saw meltdowns of the Brooke White variety and they MADE IT in spite of the faux pas.

Also it’s aggravating to know that the Terrible Two are in the Top 50. There are at least a dozen other singers who deserved it more than those kept only as a joke. My Hubby says that we’ve not seen the last of them because that’s who everyone is talking about. (And blogging about.) Ouch!

Understatement of the Evening:
Randy: “The performances have been so sporadic.”

H’wood Week Trends:
Singing songs from former Idols – I counted 5.
Fashion - Long dresses and bare feet. (Rose Flack influence?)
Lyric flubbing. It must not be a no-no anymore.

Tomorrow night is the roll out of Season 8’s Top 36. Because I am fickle my favorite right now is Danny Gokey. Where’s that poster board? We’re making a sign!

Hollywood Week – “Forget the Words, You’re OUT”

view from the Kodak Theater

Voiceover Ryan refers to Hollywood Week as Hell Week. Guess what else is hell? A condition called vasovagal syncope. You don’t have to google; it’s just a fancy word for fainting. As in embarrassingly passing out cold while in the doctor’s office after a routine procedure. Welcome to my own personal hell week… BUT… enough about me because -

THIS. Is American Idol. Group Song Day. “I think I’ve got the vapors.”

I fast forward through the hundred years of UPCOMINGS because guess what: in just a few short minutes we will get to see the ACTUAL events. Do the constant previews of the same crap over and over help them sell more Fords and Cokes?

OF COURSE the most annoying folks will be highlighted with a bright yellow magic marker. Grating Tatiana will most definitely be the Idol contestant featured on The Soup this week because the girl is a psycho. For real.

Maddening person number next is Nathaniel. Two words: Flame Ing. After five minutes it is just annoying. Dude will need to keep that melodrama on the DL if he wants votes from the mainstream in a couple of weeks.

We’ve talked enough about Bikini Girl already. She’s been pimped enough to get the next lead on The Bachelorette. Or at least a shot at Bret Michaels’ Rock of Love.

Important commercial: This Friday is Wear Red Day according to the American Heart Association. You can save a life!

So many cat fights with not enough nip to go around. Nathaniel is having a nervous breakdown because of his group members. The red-haired black girl (Nancy Wilson, no not the one in Heart) and the two-toned blonde (Kristen) are not getting along. They are ready to beat each other to death with shovels.

Some groups are actually playing well together because they have taken the team building courses and attended the Zig Ziglar seminars. They even have all the plaques from Successories to prove their devotion to each other.

In the meantime we see scenes that could have been from the defunct soap Passions. There are some supernaturally charged moments going on with a few of these people. Someone needs to get the holy water; it’s exorcism time.

Back to Tatiana-ville. They need to do a remake of the classic Hitchcock movie and cast her as “Norma” Bates. Even one of her back-and-forth group mates says it, and to ensure we understand what she’s saying they do a closed caption. “Help me. That girl is a psycho!”

Poor pierced-face boy Nate is directing his own episode of COPS without the police officers. He’s dealing with a two-toned spoiled brat and a stone cold beyotch and finally flips his headbanded wig.

Meanwhile, it seems Katrina is MIA and her team mates are at wit’s end. They call themselves The Divas which is totally appropriate. They are so much better off without her and the drama she is packing.

Now it’s morning and finally! We might actually hear some singing. What a concept. I see one of my early favorites, Stevie Wright being interviewed at breakfast. Pierced-Face Boy is this year’s Syesha with his dramatic cue cards for the camera.

I so sincerely want Rose to get some shoes because she’s just nasty. Even the band leader is getting annoyed at these kids. I think it might be the most disjointed 104 people we have seen make it to Hollywood.

Bikini Girl does not show up for roll call and that tardy is going on her permanent record. When she finally does come slinking in, her team mates are highly pee oh’d.

Simon gives a pep talk, if one’s idea of that is kicking puppies while punching babies in the face. Everyone is more nervous than ever now as they want them to be.

The first group number is “I Want You Back” and it’s surprisingly good. There is scatting and rapping and a good rapport between the singers. Excellent enough to rewind and rewatch as a matter of fact. All of its members deservedly make it through – India, Justin, Kris and Matt.

The next group try to “Get Ready” but it’s a mess of tangled limbs and mangled lyrics. For absolutely NO apparent reason at all, Norman the Clown, the biggest season 8 pain so far makes the cut. Puerto Rican Jorge (that’s Horhay not George, KARA) makes it also. Beauty queen Julissa is out.

I love Fleetwood Mac, even through the hard times when they allowed their song “Don’t Stop” to be pimped out to politicians. It hurts my head to see two of our favorites help tear this song apart. Rocker Emily, My Kid’s favorite nerd Alex, and my fave gal Ann Marie are in this group. Alex and Ann Marie make it to the next round somehow.

The tattooed gal flubs her words and as Simon says, she’s outta there. Emily is the one who ditched her all-girl rock band to go to Hollywood. Oops.

A fedora’d guy named Ryan informs us that he’s seen the evil side of Paula. Where ya been man? They show Paula with red glowing eyes and My Kid says “I think they Photo Shopped that.” Or could she be the next demon that the Winchester brothers hunt down on Supernatural?

Simon is Mr. Cranky Panties in a Wad. He acts like Ryan Lavery’s thong has crawled up his butt. He did not fall off the turnip truck yesterday; this is the eighth season after all. He knows (as do we all) what a hot holy mess Hollywood Week will be. And what a scatter-brain Paula can be, so why argue with her?

Best Friends Forever Danny and Jamar (heart sigh) are in the same group and of course they are awesome. Their group does “Somebody to Love” and Danny holds his own with a Freddie solo. The buds as well as tall Taylor and some redshirt make it through.

Jeremy (or does he go by Michael?), Adam from Wicked, Matt the welder, and a cute gal named Jesse sing “Some Kind of Wonderful.” They are in two different groups but spliced together as if they’re one. It’s good on the level of the well-loved 80s movie with the same name. We have to rewind this one twice because it is just that terrific. They make it through because sometimes this show flows right. My Kid is loving her some Adam Lambert right now.

I feel excited to be a fan again. Wow. Yay.

But then...the Divas are a mockery of everything American Idol stands for and then some. Only Jasmine, who shines like a superstar already brings anything to the Kodak Theater stage. They massacre the cool song “Mercy” and it’s sad. My dogs are crying. Thank goodness Jasmine makes it through despite the terribleness of her group mates. Pitiful Rose, Bikini Girl (who is now known as Scoliosis Girl) and some random chick we don’t know get the axe.

A few of the singers that I liked have been voted off the island: gorgeous David Osmond, high school prez Austin, and cool smoky-voiced Deanna Brown. The Group Song tribe has spoken.

Out of the 104 people who divided into groups of four, five maximum means that the judges saw around 20 something groups on this day. We only get to see the Baby Mama Drama Obama Llama Ding-Dong-Dama ones though. Where’s blind Scott? Nerd from UNC? Little Alexis? Mandy Moore clone? Joanna Carly 2.0? Grandparent Girl? Nashville Star guy? Natty Lenesha? Horror Movie Cody?

Oh well. What we get instead is more Tatiana, who is Brenna, Mikalah, Antonella and all other previous AI divas rolled into one, shaken but not stirred. The good(ish) news is that she has a decent singing voice, it’s just that everything else about her is awful. She proves this when her group makes it through to the next round by auditioning for the next telenovela.

The next group we see is called Compromise and what an appropriate name for them. Gay Nate, Two-Toned Kristen, and Nancy (not of Heart) Wilson mangle the Duffy song right to a pathetic death. Somewhere an angel’s wings fell off. For some reason the judges think that Nathaniel and Kristen were fabulous but they let the dyed red head leave. She is NOT taking this well and there are bleep-bleeps galore. Way to burn bridges girlfrien’.

Also cut during hell week in a do-not-blink montage: Frankie Jordan (I think), dancing nekkid girl, a stubborn chick who looks like Amy Lee, and the unknown smooching couple.

Quick flashes of others who do advance... as My Kid shouts “KOOKS! They are playing The Kooks on American Idol!” ... Casey with a hat, blind Scott, tatted mom Megan, A&M Joanna, teen Arianna, that spastic rock chick Jackie, Junot from last year, and caretaker Kai.

Only 75 contestants remain but this year’s magic number is 36. There are a few spoiler web sites out there in cyberspace that reveal the 36 names. I won’t link to it here because I don’t want to know this intel yet. It’s annoying, like the UPCOMINGS. It’s like opening Christmas presents and then putting them back under the tree wrapped again.

Next week we’ll find out if our favorites made it to the winning room. We are getting to know and like: Wicked’s Adam, nerd Alex, pretty Ann Marie, UNC’s Anoop, widower Danny, teenager Jasmine, and the fabulous Lil Rounds.

We should expect the unexpected next week with the promotion of this year’s Sanjaya Times Two, Tatiana and Norman. They get on my last ever begotten nerve, I swear. Which means the thorns in my side will remain just to piss me off.

Tonight’s Quotes:

Ryan (about the group White Chocolate): “All of the contestants are cheering now but on the inside they’re saying ‘Damn, I wish we were that good.’”

Simon: “Has anyone got any Advil? We’re going to need a crate.”

Simon: “Forget this PC rubbish. Name names.”

Kara (after Katrina is canned): “She must be ready for her close-up.”

My Kid: “No wonder they named a hurricane after that girl.”

Tune in next week to Aunt Pearl’s place and we’ll vent again. Hot diggity!

Hollywood Week – “You’ve Got One Shot”

inside the Kodak Theater

To quote Buffy Summers: “I’m way off my game. My game’s left the country. It’s in Cuernavaca.”

Because I’ve had pneumonia, the past nine days have passed as if in a fog. Somehow I watched and recapped three audition episodes last week, but I don’t really remember them now.

Now that I think about it, was this because of my illness or because there wasn’t really anything that memorable going on? Something to think about…

Hopefully, I will remain conscious for the entire episode tonight. After all, it’s Episode 1 of HOLLYWOOD WEEK! Very Serious Ryan reminds us that everyone is extremely tense right now. The contestants, the judges, the producers, and mostly the viewers…

The first thing the singers do when they get to Hollywood is go to “American Idol Boot Camp” which is led by voice coach Debra Byrd. They also spend time with stylists and the Glam Squad.

Also, Barry Manilow shows up to give them a pep talk. As if these under 30-year-olds know who he is, right. Perhaps they remember him from when he coached the Top 11 of Season 5.

The group of 147 is divided in half; one set will perform for the judges the first day while the others go sightseeing. On day two, they will switch places.

Keeping with first day tradition, the contestants will come to the stage in groups of eight. Some of them will be sent home right away and others will go to the next round.

The first one we see is the wonderful Lil Rounds who does the Whitney version of the song that Dolly does better. She’s a bit shouty but we will “always love” her because she’s awesome.

Backflipping Dennis, who was a complete waste of a golden ticket in the first place, does not fare as well. Simon can’t get past his facial expressions and the guy just can’t sing good enough for this show.

Lil and a couple of others that apparently are not worthy of any footage make it to the next round. Dennis does not and he is one unhappy camper! He rants and raves and even makes fun of Simon’s clothes. Quicker than you can say Sore Loser, he is outta there.

Ryan talks to Paula and Kara about what they’ve seen so far and they are still bragging about Lil. The scenes are edited to make it look like there are contestants nearby who can hear what they are saying. A closer look reveals that they are NOT and it’s this type of editing manipulation that ticks me off about reality shows. But I digress…

A lip-pierced little guy named Nathaniel sings a song that the judges have never heard of because it’s by a Christian singer named Ray Boltz. The song is NOT about a boat, SIMON! This show, man. Anywho, the little boy falls to pieces and now all we can hear is the violins. Does Hollywood rob these kids of all dignity?

Two favorites from the audition cities, Anoop and Jasmine do very well and make it through. Anoop is from NC so that alone is enough to root for him. Jasmine is unique and gorgeous and has that “it” factor that the judges talk about all the time.

Poor little Rose Flack, the orphan gal who has a retro hippie look, is not doing well in H’wood so far. She’s missing her parents and my heart breaks for her. Fortunately, she does well enough to advance to the next day at least.

A handsome curly haired guy named Stephen is next. He is a hottie and has a smooth voice and does a Stevie Wonder song very well. As Randy said, “You slayed it dude, whaaaat??” We also see Jorge from Puerto Rico again and he and his yellow scarf do okay.

The guy who shouted the rainbow song at us, Von Smith, proves that he can not shake himself of his theatrical tendencies. Simon accuses him of being indulgent but when it comes down to a vote, Von as well as Stephen and Jorge make it through.

Debra Byrd has a “come to Jesus” meeting with the contestants in regards to the importance of song choice. It’s in the Bible, you know. In spite of the coaching, we see way too many folks get sent home because of their poor choice of song.

Norman, the clownish guy from New York, is back with his ridiculous shiny shirt and shenanigans. If this were a comedy competition, I’d laugh. This guy gets on my very last nerve and will continue to do so until they send him home.

Very quick flashes because they are wasting time on ridiculous crap like the clown, we see that Scott MacIntyre and Frankie Jordan make it to the next round. Norman makes it as well. Gee, I missed the memo about hell freezing over.

Day two of Hollywood… we are serenaded by Michael Buble and “Feeling Good.”

We are reintroduced to Jackie, the husky-voiced musician who has been in the biz for years. She sounds like Amanda from last year but has the adorable clumsiness of Kat McPhee. I like her better now.

Best friends Jamar and Danny are both in the Day 2 group. We are reminded of Danny’s widowhood and Jamar’s support. They both sing well, especially Danny with the Seal song from Batman Forever. We’re delighted that each of them make it to the next round.

That stuck-up Bikini Girl is back. Ugh. I want to throw a stiletto at the TV when she disses Kara. Way to bite the hand that feeds ya, skank. Her actual name is Katrina but who cares? She sings a few bars of “Breathe” and it’s not awful, but the judges are split. Paula and Kara think that she has a ‘tude, but of course the male judges are thinking with a different body part. Since they always have to give us someone to loathe, it might as well be this gal.

Which makes the next news all the more irritating: three gals with actual TALENT are sent home - Jessica from Oz, Sharon with the little dog, and the gal who did well in Puerto Rico, Patricia.

Jeremy and Jesus are profiled next and they’re compared to each other, kind of like when you are choosing a cell phone online and can put your options side-by-side. Jeremy (or is his name Michael?) sings great and makes it through. Hey-suse, who got through on a pity vote in the first place, is annoying and nasally and is sent home.

Good-looking David sings exactly the way you expect from an Osmond. He’s already spectacular and doesn’t need this AI gig.

Heavily tattooed rocker Emily sings a No Doubt song and it’s okay. The judges are not impressed with her and were expecting more. Both she and David make it to the next round.

A blonde gal named Erika is cut but before she leaves, she has a tirade for a thousand years. This tantrum answers my earlier question about H’wood stripping dignity away from some of these kids.

Simon and Paula argue like an old married couple trying to decide on Red Lobster or Cracker Barrel for dinner. Such lameness really makes me question my sanity for enjoying this show so much.

For reasons known only to The Idiots In Charge, they’ve decided to show only blink-and-miss-it flashes of our front runners. More time for footage of crap I suppose. Thankfully, we learn that awesome Ann Marie, Adam from Wicked, Brent from Nashville Star, and cute mom Alexis all make it through.

By the end of the second day in H’wood, we are down to 104 contestants. Tomorrow night we will see what happened during the very much dreaded group performances. Didn’t they do away with this section of the program last season?

Quote of the Evening:

Dennis: “Y'all suck as judges.”

More Hollywood action tomorrow… be sure to bring ear plugs, Tylenol and Kleenex. And the other stiletto to throw at Bikini Girl.