4/11/06AI presents… the music of Queen. Yep, it’s so. As far as I’m concerned, Queen ceased to exist when Freddie died… but at any rate… “here they are... born to be kings... they're the princes of the universe.” (To parapharase.)
Ryan still has a little stubbly going on, but it’s overshadowed (pardon the pun) by the absent-minded-professor vest that he’s wearing with his suit.
First, an overview of how long ago Queen was formed, and survey says! - it was before any of these contestants were born. Then the kids get to meet the elderly rockers. A short clip is shown from each one’s session with Queen.
First up, Bucky on the most hated song ever… “Fat Bottomed Girls.” I dare anyone to make a Mandisa joke… go ahead… I am in the mood to maim… (Thank goodness none are made because I can’t afford to take off work to go to Ho’wood and kick someone’s fat bottom!) Even though I hate this song, Bucky sounds the best I remember and he owns the stage. He is looking good too; I like the hair down. Judges are for the most part like, hey good job. Except for Simon who says it was mediocre. During Ryan banter, poor Bucky says that Freddie was not someone that you can jump up behind. Oh, naïve Bucky. Sigh.
Now it’s Lassie, who just found out that Timmy’s down the well. No wait… it’s Ace. He is not happy with having to do a Queen song, especially when the band does not want to do “his” version of “We Will Rock You.” It's weird, for the first time, I am not absolutely loathing his voice. Wow. And the leather pants… yowsa! Then he goes and ruins it with the mic stand shenanigans. Judges do not like his performance at all, and Simon makes a funny, “it was We Will Rock You Gently.” But Ace is like, so who cares what you guys think. “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” Hmmmp.
What did Pickler pick? Why, it’s the song that Constantine rocked out on last year, “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Ryan says it’s the most popular song of all time; okaaay. Well, I see that Lady Heather is standing in for Kellie tonight. Between the dominatrix boots and the rumored $300 haircut, she should look good and according to The Hubby, she does. But I absolutely loathe everything about her performance, from the sing-out to Simon, the down-on-my-knees thing, the stomping down the stairs, and most especially her voice which is weaker than cat pee. Judges love her of course because they have been passing the freakin' weed around. Bubba, whut??
So if Chris doesn’t do well tonight then we will wake to the sound of the Four Horsemen. He is doing an “obscure” song that has never been done live. Or is that never been done by Live? Who knows, who cares. Have never heard this song before, but he is awesome and looking finer than the law should allow a happily married man to look. It is just not fair for him to look this good. His wife is a lucky human. Good looks aside, he has an amazing rock voice. And did I mention he is fine? Judges rave over him, except Simon says Chris was indulgent. Up yours Simon. Now that Mandisa is gone, Chris is the classiest contestant remaining.
In our household, we are all in agreement that Katharine is the most beautiful female creature God ever made. She should be making movies right now. And okay, I have to take back all aforementioned jabs at her mom, because she is looking very normal and happy tonight. Kat sings the song from the Highlander movie. It is kinda boring and something about Kat reminds me of Emily on GH, which is so icky because of the whole disgusting Sonny storyline, but I digress and the song is finally over. Whew. Judges liked her voice, as they should. Simon says it was “almost” the moment. Kat is sweet saying “Hi” to her parents, but what is up with the Dynasty outfit?
Before Elliott sings, he talks to Ryan about when he used to be a DJ. Hey, Ryan got a star on Ho’wood for that. Elliott is his usual humble, honest, everyday-guy self. He does an excellent job on “Somebody to Love”; the way he takes any song and puts his own soulful spin on it, is just so great. Listening to this song, I am hoping that he does have somebody special, and if I were not old enough to be his great great great granny, then hey – but then again ... no. I glance at The Hubby beside of me and know that I have found my somebody. I know right?- Awwww. Judges adore Elliott, as they rightfully should. Elliott, my man, no more spinning records for you.
Taylor was going to do “We Are the Champions” but decided to do “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.” Yeah, the same song that Radford massacred a few weeks back. Taylor is back y’all! He is all over the place – moving, grooving. The “get back evil mic stand! no, I mean it - get back!” bit is a little over the top but funnnny. His voice is good on this song, especially at the end when he takes it all the way home and parks it. Judges mostly like it and are glad the wild man is back, except Simon asks him if he is drunk. Ryan is like, helllooo, “pot this is the kettle”…Taylor doesn’t care, he is working that camera, hamming it up. What a hoot.
So this week Paris is shopping at the same S&M shop as Kellie, I guess. She looks like Gary Coleman in drag. Any minute now she is going to look right into the camera and say “Whatcha talkin' 'bout Willis?” My Kid is mad at me when I say this and I get a dirty look and the “Mooooom” scolding and the lecture on being nice, blah blah. Paris has an excellent voice and she sounds good on the “Show Must Go On.” Only someone very young would even attempt to dance in those boots. Judges give her props, except Simon who says he found it weird. Well duh. Paris still reminds me of a little girl playing dress up... which in a way she is just that.
Now wait a minute… is that Fantasia in the audience sitting behind the judges? The Kid says it’s not, because there is no caption with her name. The Hubby says that it most definitely is her. Hmmm. [After rewinding the DVR, we find out that Ms. B was indeed captioned at the very beginning of the show.]
All in all, the kids did well this week. Except Kellie, but alas, she will be with us until the very end. Urgh. Argh. I swear if she wins this thing, I will break some windows and riot in the street with picket signs. If only in my mind…
4/12/06
First things first... we must endure the insipid Judges vs. Ryan, round 77. Paula's sniffing glue or something, Simon has his panties in a wad, and Randy seems appalled to be at the same table with them. Ryan tells Simon that he is the grumpiest millionaire, like ever. Simon says that is why 30 crazillion people tune in each week. So hmmmp.
Recapping... meeting Queen to the beat of the We Will Rock You guitar riff. Elliott needs somebody to love, Ace will rock you, Chris keeps on trying (or something), Bucky loves the big'ns, Kellie goes all Lita Ford, Katharine wants to live forever, Taylor is crazy with the mic stand, and Paris borrowed one of Prince's outfits.
An AI5 Word Problem: 60 minutes minus One elimination minus 37 minutes commercials = how much filler?? The answer is part great, part good/weird, and part WTH???
The good/weird - the group medley of Queen songs sounded really good... but why the heck did they scale the picture down to just a little box on the bottom left of the screen? (Our theory is that maybe the choreography was not up to par and they wanted to show as little of the kids on stage as possible.) Who knows why TIIC do what they do?
Filling most of the screen is highlights of the season so far... it's only been a couple of months, geez. I don't think our attention spans are that limited, are they? I could wait for the Best and Worst of Season 5 on DVD.
It's clever though, how the clips play out... A Kind of Magic shows clips of those who got their golden tickets to Ho’wood. Footage of the Lil Kim wannabe are set to Killer Queen. Under Pressure recaps the kids as they await top 24 news. Reminding us how much we miss some of these... Don't Stop Me Now shows lots of laughing and cutting up. Then it gets catty with Another One Bites the Dust, showing the exits of some of our favorites and some not. Lots of hugs accompany You're My Best Friend. We Are the Champions show goofing around and outtakes.
The latest Ford video shows the kids playing mini-golf in the most dorkified outfits ever. This leads to much mocking from Ryan: “Who picked out the wardrobe for that shoot? Ace, did somebody blindfold you?” Ace: “Oh, no, no, no. I went out on a limb; that was the first time I've ever worn pink, actually.” Ryan: “I've done it many times, and I'm still alive.” Classic!
Ryan forces each one to reveal what they miss about home... mostly it's food except for diabetic Elliott who misses his family. Which leads to the great part of the show - the video clips of family members sending out kudos to their contestant. Man, I was teary-eyed throughout and when Elliott cried, I lost it. Just sentimental that way.
More detailed footage is shown for each contestant... Taylor's band members talk about his goldfish. More on Kat's parents, watching old videos of beautiful Kat as a little girl. Chris's brother joins his parents in their ode to the gorgeous bald one. Watching Kellie's grandpa and little brother would melt the coldest of hearts, even though she ruins it with the whole snot rag incident. Thanks for the Happy Bunny moment, Pickler.
Elliott's mom and friends talk about his childhood illnesses, and how Elliott is the most adorable human in the entire world. The Young family is in the Rockies talking about how hot Ace looks tonight in the sleeveless shirt. Oh wait, that was me, sorry. Wow, what a great looking family. Bucky's dad talks about the race track for some reason, and how everyone in Richmond County is tickled to death. Paris's grandma, mom, and friends talk about their sweetheart, who cries while watching.
Now for The WTH??? - each one of the Bottom 3 had to sing. How. Freakin'. Lame. And painful. As TobyMac says “It's like a freak show in your neighborhood.”
So bottom 3 consists of Elliott, Ace, and Bucky. Everyone seems pretty calm except Ace. He is scaring me; I am expecting a Lestat moment any time now.
I get the Kleenex just in case it's Elliott, and the wooden cross in case it's Ace... but it is Bucky that leaves. Too bad, because he did well with that disgusting fat butt song.
His “bad day” video highlights remind us how wonderful, sweet and goofy he is. Bucky says... “It's been real; it's been fun; it's been real fun.” 'Bye sweet Rockingham boy... we will miss you.
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