4/4/06Ryan has got some manly stubble going on tonight. I usually like the stubbly look but on Ryan it’s just ewww. Is he trying to be a grown-up boy??
It’s Country night, y’all. The Gambler himself, Kenny Rogers, is coaching the contestants with their songs tonight. I have liked Kenny ever since his “Ruby” days; he is a good choice of legends to have on this show.
First up, Taylor does the old country roads John Denver song and I ain’t feeling him on this. Even to my untrained ear, it sounds like he is straining and some of the notes are causing my dogs to be in pain. At least he looks less pimp-like and more stylish tonight. Judges say, “it’s just okay,” “didn’t allow you to shine,” “safe, lazy, boring,” “like you chose that song 10 minutes ago.” Taylor is back to his old infectious self when he guffaws at Ryan’s teasing of Simon.
Now it is my girl Mandisa, looking gorgeous and kicking it with a Shania song. Much as I love my girl, I am thinking that Shania is a line that no one should cross. Her voice is amazing as always, but she doesn’t seem to connect with the hokey lyrics of “Any Man of Mine.” I am so impressed with how comfortable she is in her own skin. Judges say, “the last four bars you got it together,” “you could sing the phone book, you could sing the encyclopedia, your voice is amazing,” “I thought the song was horrible.” Mandisa, bless her heart, tries to curtail Ryan’s intervention on her behalf. Absolutely, the classiest contestant to ever hit the AI stage.
I am worried about Elliott, as he is so out of his element with this country stuff. He is shaky on a boring old song by Garth Brooks (or as I call Barf Brooks, cuz I don’t like him, tee hee.) Not sure what the stylists are doing with Elliott, but he is looking better and better each week. I take back all the previous neglys that I have said about them. Judges say, “that was hot,” “I loved that,” “a breath of fresh air,” “humble, understated,” “it was safe, hesitant.” Elliott rocks my world, what more can I say?
The thing that I remember most about the song that Paris is doing – “How Do I Live” – is the Yearwood/Rimes battle over it. Keeping with “the costume must match the theme” tradition, Paris is wearing a country-western type outfit, and hairstyle number 108 is the best ever. Her singing is okay, but she is out of her element. Judges are mixed, “it was just awright for me,” “didn’t feel like you connected to the song,” “excellent choice of song,” “reminded me of early Dionne Warwick.” (I am hoping he is not referring to the psychic thing.) Paris smiles widely while enduring more of what passes for humor in the Ryan-world.
Ace is singing some song I have never heard of by a guy named Keith Urban. Even I have heard of Keith, since he is/was allegedly dating Nicole Kidman. I am trying to concentrate on anything except the sound of Ace’s voice because as hard as I try, I just do not like it. He is pretty to look at. Period. Judges say, “it was really boring for me,” “contemporary nice take on the song,” “I think you had a good night tonight.” So one question… why did Ryan do the shout out to the ladies about Ace being single? Like, what, he’s registered with eharmony now? Geesh.
Before Kellie sings, she is forced to explain why her complete dumbassness is NOT an act, y’all. That’s right! It’s not! So hmmmp! She looks pretty in red while singing the Reba song “Fancy” and does okay if you like that whining stuff. I used to love Reba, back in the days when she was Reba McEntire, CMA award winning Entertainer of the Year. I do not understand why anyone would sing a song like this in front of 40 brazillion people; it’s about a skanky mom pushing her teenage kid into prostitution for pete’s sake. Ugh. Judges say, “in your element,” “this is your night baby,” “I hated the song personally but your performance was good.” As hokey as the corn-poning act was, Kellie is certainly less interesting since she toned it down.
This is Chris’s chance to prove that he can do more than the rocker stuff. His voice is a little shaky on another Keith Urban song that I have never heard before, but he brings it home. Sorry, but when Chris hit the “bad outlaw” lyric, The Kid and I both went “whooooooooo.” He is almost as super-delicious-fine as Keith (who looks like Sawyer on Lost who I also love, but I digress.) Judges say, “I really enjoyed it,” “you show versatility and still stayed true to who you are, what a concept,” “it was great to see a different side of you.” It’s kind of weird seeing Chris and Ryan stand beside of each other, in almost matching stubble. The Bonnie Raitt song “Real Man” comes to mind, wonder why? Hmmm.
Here comes Katharine on a Faith Hill song, something about Elvis, not sure. Just when you think Kat can’t possibly get any more beautiful, there she is. Even in blue jeans that were caught in a weed-eater, she looks great. Better yet, she commands the stage and does not miss a note. Ironically, one of the girl stars of The O.C. is in the audience tonight, and she can’t hold a candle to the Kitty Kat. Judges say, “kind of a bluesy country, good job,” “you look sexy, hot, and cool,” “that song is just so peculiar.” Gotta love Kat for putting Simon in his place and getting him to admit that he just doesn’t like country music.
Last but not least is Bucky, the lovable country bumpkin who is doing a slow ballad that sounds somewhat familiar. It has a lovely melody but I was really hoping that Bucky would rock out on some Travis Tritt or something. I really like this sweet guy and want to like his singing but he seems to be all over the place with this song. Judges say, “good to see you in your element,” “wear that hat proud,” “it sounded okay to me.” Bucky could not be more adorable if he tried.
General observations…
Catty Comment Award - Ryan to the judges: “What are you guys sipping tonight? What’s in the cup?” and later … “Someone at the table has a flask, I just know it.”
Giving Truth to the Rumors? Award - Simon: “Ryan, with all due respect, I’m not the one trying to look like someone out of Desperate Housewives.”
It is so funny when Paula does the fake zzzzz’s when Randy starts name-dropping.
Since I am about the same age as Paula, I can relate to the hormonal thing she’s got going on. It is so obvious that she is in total lust-mode while critiquing the hotties on the show. What a hoot!
4/5/06
So Jean-Claude Van Ryan is still sporting stubble and it’s still icky. He does not give the “man in love with Teri Hatcher” vibe.
Simon is wearing a sexy low cut shirt that is very distracting to me, since I think he is so fine. Too bad he and Ryan must do the “I wish I knew how to quit you” routine week after every freakin’ week. Pathetic much?
Recapping country week… Kellie is fancying, Bucky’s not so bad, Chris being here for you baby, Ace never being the kind to let his feelings show, Paris can’t live without you, Katharine getting her Elvis on, Mandisa’s shout out to her man, Elliott wondering if tomorrow will come, and Taylor taking country roads home.
Kenny Rogers attempts to sing a new song, bless his heart, but the audio is very off during his performance. The banter with Simon is worth the price of admission. I really like the early 70s Kenny, before he went all mainstream. He still and always looks like Santa, though.
Hey, Travis Tritt is in the audience! If I were going to listen to country again, I would buy his CDs. I used to sing one of his songs to my daughter when she was a baby. But I digress…
So is it me, or do the Ford faux-mercials get cheesier each week? This one is set in a garage and it’s a total take on that MTV show. It’s actually funny seeing some of these guys dressed like mechanics, because… well, you know. Heh. Once again, the camera loves Kat and Ace the best.
“Pick On Pickler” week continues as Ryan completely disses her in front of 40 trizillion people and it oh-so perfectly goes over her pretty blonde head. Methinks the writers are not in the Kellie Fan Club anymore?
Next week, the music of Queen. Yeah, I know, I thought April Fool’s was over, too. But... they are for real, dawgs.
For elimination time, Ryan is changing it up a little by dividing the nine into 3 groups of 3. Awww, a mathematical word problem. (If 3 contestants totally blew, 3 were so-so, and 3 are totally untouchable, which will be the Bottom 3?)
It goes like this… first group is Ace, Kat, Bucky.
Second is Mandisa, Elliott, Paris.
Third is Taylor, Kellie, Chris.
Well duh the 3rd group sits down like right away.
The 1st group sits down next. Do what Bubba??
This means that one of these is leaving… Mandisa (oh no!) Elliott (oh my gosh no!) Paris (well okay, she has a prom to go to.)
Paris is safe, Elliott is safe… Mandisa is going home. You can hear a pin drop all over America tonight. NOOOOOOOO!
My daughter tries to comfort me as I sob uncontrollably. She says it’s just a TV show and now Mandisa can go and make an extraordinary Contemporary Christian CD. We will hear her on K-LOVE, that is her element and she can get back to her ministry now. Her work on AI5 is done.
I am not consoled. But I will be first in line at Family Christian Store to buy your music, Mandisa. You will always be my favorite.
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