This is Our Top Ten???

3/28/06
Well... for the first time since my Idol Addiction began, I have to say it... tonight’s show sucked with the suckingness of suckdom.

Ryan is very Regis tonight and looking quite handsome. That is almost all the good that can be said about tonight. So. So. Sad.

Tonight’s theme is Songs from the 21st Century a.k.a. The Night the Music on AI5 Died.

First up, poor little Lisa, bless her heart. Too many people have told this gal that she is da bomb, she’s heard it her entire life, I betcha. And she is. But. Not. On. A. Kelly Clarkson. Song. Especially “Because of You” because 1: the song will be edited for time and without the whole lyric, the song makes no sense (the song is about her mom) and 2: little bitty Lisa can NOT connect with the meaning of this song, because her mom is in the audience, looking proud and gorgeous. Judges rip her to shreds and she is in tears. Lisa needs to stick with the Broadway stuff that she does best. Hopefully this will be her last week of knocking herself out for nada and she can go home. She has a prom and whatnot to get ready for. Maybe she can sing at it. Just not this song.

Next is Kellie who surprise surprise is singing a country song. I do not listen to country music and have never heard this one that she is whining. Something about suds in a bucket and I can’t tell if it’s a champagne reference or what? (It's not, The Kid has to explain it to me, der.) Country lyrics just crack me up. Gotta give 'em some props for wit. But ugh, this does not fit her voice at all. She looks pretty tonight and is wearing a skimpy little pink top, which The Hubby appreciates. (I would call him pervy, but I am just as bad gawkin' at the guys, natch!) Judges pretty much tear her apart about her song choice. Kellie must be tired, or maybe just tired of all the ribbing she has received about her blonde moments, because she is interestingly subdued tonight.

Now we have Ace who seems very nervous, probably due to the stage still being wet from Lisa’s tears. His Lost Boys locks are not as lustrous tonight and I am thinking that these so-called “stylists” need to be fired. He sings a song that even I have heard a million trillion times and since I loathe 99% of modern pop, I usually avoid it. It is called “Drops of Jupiter” and it’s kind of like nails on a chalkboard. Judges are just “neh whatever” with his performance, only Paula wants to take him home and compare scars. It is all veddy veddy icky. I’m guessing Ace’s scar came from hot rollers, meoww!

For no apparent reason, Taylor is wearing a girl’s leather jacket. He is singing a slow song that I have never heard of called “Trouble.” Sure wish he was doing the Travis Tritt song of the same name but alas. (Okay so I used to listen to country, like a hundred years ago.) So bored now. I can't decide if I want to ask Taylor to do my taxes or help me pick out a used car. Hmmm. He is like a thousand times less interesting on a song like this; I prefer the gyrating wild man. Judges are divided on whether or not Taylor is really only 29, calling him an “old soul” and all that. In that outfit, he totally looks like one of those guys who buy a Corvette when they hit a certain age.

My favorite gal Mandisa is doing a contemporary Christian song! “Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance… I just wanna praise you!” GO GIRL! It is a hard song to do solo, as it’s originally by a duo, Mary Mary. But there is nothing that this lady can do that’s less than awesome. I am so proud of her for not being afraid to go out on faith. The judges ruin everything and make me sick to my stomach with their comments. They don’t “get it” they say. Well, I guess not, heathens! I will not even go there. Mandisa smiles but it is obvious to me (and I am sure to her millions of other Christian fans) that she is disturbed by the feedback. She is TOO GOOD for this show!!

Chris and Ryan chat about the big controversy that Chris caused last week with his LIVE version of “Walk the Line” and big whoop. Am so over all the Chris hatas. He is who he is… a metal head. And there is nothing wrong with that. He gets up and shouts “What If” about a million times and when it’s finally over, the judges hem haw around and in a round about way tell him that he needs to for the love of God get out of the box. Chris, bless his heart, glowers at them a little but maintains his dignity. He is such a cool guy and my daughter will pummel anyone who says different. I don't even go there on why it was such a bad idea to do a Creed song.

Katharine proves that her mommy has never let her listen to music from this century by mangling some Christina Angu-whatever-her-name-is. For the first time ever, it is painful to listen to the beautiful Kat. Her voice is all over the place and can't find its way home. And she is wearing a Robin Hood meets Star Trek type outfit, something that should have been saved in case they have 80s week. The judges give her props and helllooo they could not have been listening to the same thing that we were just hearing or they would not be saying how good it is. Very disturbing, even the studio audience is confused. Kat, hon - it's too late for the Firefly audition.

That sweet NC boy, Bucky, is singing a Tim McGraw song because “I flat out like it.” And I quote. He does okay singing the song but he should never ever dance; he almost loses his balance there for a sec and the whole world gasps. Not really being into country, I can't connect, even though Faith's hub is kinda hot. Bucky, well... he is very tall, especially when standing next to Ryan. Paula has the nerve to criticize his diction (d’oh!). Simon hates everything and everyone. Bucky is a sweetheart but I wish he’d lose the earrings. Just showing my age I guess.

Okay, so Paris is pretending to be Fantasia who is pretending to be Beyonce. It is very confusing; this entire night has been disturbing. Her vocal was practically perfect but those fake hair extensions keep getting all up in her mouth. Paula tells her, hey girl I know you just a minor child and all, but I think you can find work at the Pussycat Doll house. I am appalled by this comment until The Kid tells me that it’s the name of an all-girl singing group. I immediately ground her from ever watching MTV again. Paris, darling, you are seven months too early for Halloween.

Closing this horrid show tonight is Elliott, who gets more charming every week. He does “I Don’t Want To Be” which Bo did last year. Which means that it’s sacrilegious. But wait… he is putting a totally different vibe on the song and it’s fairly good. Not sure about the homeless guy outfit, I swear they need to fire the stylists. “Do not seek the treasure.” And the big screen behind him is distracting, showing the three background singers with the one in the middle displaying a lot of boobs-a-shakin.’ Elliott makes the entire show worth watching and he is now my favorite guy in the contest. Yeah, I am fickle.

During the recap segment, my dogs look at me as if in pain. It has been a really really bad night. EVERYONE except Mandisa and Elliott should go home. Tomorrow. But we got lots and lots more weeks to go… so I think Lisa will be the one to get the axe.

3/29/06

About last night...

Watching the 21st century theme episode was painful enough but now, TIIC are going to see that pain, raise it, and then call double-or-nothing.

We see a montage of the kids doing their thing, getting their make up on, practicing, singing on the show, being busy little beavers and then, since they are just little bitty kids mind you, they get to go see Ice Age 2! YAY! I want to see that movie too, since I am just a kid at heart, hmmmp.

The Ford faux-mercial has them dancing down the street passing out popsicles to scary looking folks. I would like to bet that NO ONE can watch this without rolling their eyes at least once.

And now… making a guest appearance tonight… some belly dancing chick with a gangsta rap dude. They are howling dog bad. Actually, that is an insult to howling dogs everywhere. I ask the resident expert – the teenager – who the heck these people are and she says that they are Paprika and Wince Jeans or something like that, who knows, who cares, I am so disgusted that I take my dogs out. They are in pain. And word to Fox – dudes, what??? It is a G-rated show, okay.

Recap time… the kids prove that they are not of this century as most of them blow… it is so bad that hardly any clips of the singing are shown, it is mostly the judges raking them over the coals.
It is elimination time… bottom three are Lisa - no surprise there, Ace – that was unexpected (must have been the whole scar showing thing; we fickle fans want our idols perfect you know) and … that noise you heard was 40 zillion people all falling out of their chairs… it is Katharine. Kat is a bottom feeder. Say it ain’t so!!

Okay, this is the most gorgeous trio of losers that I have ever seen in my life. They could all leave right now and make the third Charlie’s Angels movie together and it would be wonderful. Lisa could play the smart one, Ace the pretty one, and Kat the loveable klutz. Would that not be just perfect??

Oh well… it was fun while it lasted. Ace goes back to safety, and mewonders how in the name of all that is Katharine, could she be in the bottom two?? Kat stands there next to Lisa, outwardly calm but seething inside while Simon pulls the rug out from under her, fixes her little red wagon, and basically breaks up with her in front of the whole world. What a freakin' jerkwad from Hades.

Paris cries a river of tears as Lisa is told that she is (finally) going home. Her montage reminds us how sweet, gorgeous and Stepfordish Lisa is, and now we cringe again hearing her use the word “damn” in a song.

So... Little bitty Lisa leaving was no surprise, but the others in the bottom two - egads! I was expecting Ace to go all “Randall Flagg” there for a sec. And Kat can NOT get the boot... horse heads will be found in beds all over America, folks. NEWSFLASH: Rumor has it that Kat is a Scientologist… which is the freaky crap that Tom Cruise and a few other Ho’wood morons are into. Not sure if maybe that cost her some votes? After all, it is mainstream America that votes and what we say goes. So take that all ye Hubbardites!!

Okay, I am fessin’ up here… I am so in love with Elliott now. Class act, best voice on the show EVER, the whole Amish-Elf-meets-Leprechaun look is soooo appealing. [insert heavy sigh here] Too bad I have Fleetwood Mac albums older than him, or else I would be out there in the audience with one of the MARRY ME signs. When I tell The Hubby this, he just laughs and tells me to go for it. As long as he can be right next to me with a sign for Kat. Battlefield Earth notwithstanding.