3/7/06Ryan compares AI5 to the Oscars. Okaaay? As long as nobody sings that Hustle & Flow song, we'll be okay.
Tonight’s topic in the video clip is “little known facts.”
Paris – surprise surprise her nickname is Princess P. Who'da thought. And she’s a tomboy. She sings a Miami Sound Machine song. Yeah, before it became just Gloria Estefan. I am beginning to wonder if these kids are allowed to do songs from this millennium. She is remarkable as usual but her outfit is a little off-putting. She is wearing a fancy party dress with jeans. Judges say… “you can sing anything,” “unbelievable talent,” “captured my attention,” “brilliant entertainer,” “vocally was just okay.” Paris looks so much like Vanessa Huxtable that I was looking for Theo and Rudy in the audience.
Lisa – she loves Jimi Hendrix and plays electric guitar. Her hair is straight tonight and she looks lovely but it's a song I have never heard before. It sounds like something from Broadway and I am not into that so don’t have a clue. She hits the “money” notes right on target. Judges say… “I want you to like slay it,” “just awright,” “seasoned performer,” “performance value is amazing,” “super talented,” “you're singing songs that sound like your mum's choosing them.” Lisa was on Star Search a few years ago, the Arsenio Hall version, of course. This explains a lot.
Melissa – she is a car freak, fast cars that is. She reminds me of the Julia Roberts character in Pretty Woman, before the transformation. She is extra Hells-Angels-honey tonight, and sings the Heart song “What About Love.” I do not want to like her because I am so jealous of how much The Hubby lusts after her bod. Alas, she sings the heck outta the song, does a fine job with it. Judges say… “good song for you,” “coming out of your shell,” “powerhouse,” “that last note booked your plane ticket home.” Melissa looks kinda sad but she feels good about letting it rip. I wish I had a dollar for every time she says “you know” during the Ryan-banter segment.
Kinnik – she talks about liking chitlins. Ewwww. She looks stunning and so ready for the Tyra Banks modeling show. She sings a boring Alicia Keys song and even my untrained ear can hear the bad spots. Judges say… “I don’t think you nailed it,” “it’s the best you’ve looked,” “off pitch,” “you’ve booked your plane ticket home but at least you can have your chiclets.” Kinnik is gracious and classy as always but seems resigned to the fact that next week she will meet the same fate as fabulous predecessors Jennifer Hudson and Latoya London.
Katharine – her big reveal is that she went to the same school as Constantine. She is funny talking about his smoldering look, but there is a big difference between Kat and Con, besides the obvious. Kat is practically perfect with her song “Think.” She finally loosens up and wears some jeans but they look new, not ratty. Judges say…“Yeah! Yeah!,” “well-oiled machine,” “you had fun with it,” “made it seem absolutely effortless.” I can’t help but think that when Kat was belting out the “freedom freedom” lyrics, she was thinking of escaping scary vocal coach stage mom.
Ayla – when she was a kid she thought her dad was Elvis Presley. Okaaay. On stage, she combines the “something smells” look with what appears to be aerobic squats. She does well with a song that is finally from this decade. It is called “Unwritten” and it was in the movie Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Judges say… “it was all right, “you fight the fight every single week,” “that was pretty good actually,” “I would love that young person in the film clips to be on the stage.” Ayla seems to be double the height of Ryan and it’s just comical. I can’t concentrate on what they are saying. Something about Randy name-dropping again. Yawn.
Mandisa – she reveals quite humorously that she sucked her thumb until she was 24… yowsa! She totally kicks butt and rocks it out on “I’m Every Woman.” Amazing, could not be any better, even though this song has been sung every single season, methinks. Whatever, she’s great! Judges say… “she just set the benchmark,” “I got chills,” “amazing,” “this is the only one that I would rewind on my Tivo.” Mandisa, I love you! During the Ryan-banter, she almost got a little in the Kellie category of TMI with the shower bit, but that’s okay.
Kellie – she talks about her dog Comet. She is absolutely adorable in her video, but… wow wee. She rocks out to a Melissa E. tune, looking hot in a little biker chick outfit. I wonder if she borrowed it from Mel? MEOWW! Something about her reminds me of Jewel; she sings the best I remember her, ever. Please let any Carrie comparisons END y’all! Judges say… “great job,” “you got your groove on,” “guys are in love with you,” “you are what’s known as a naughty little minx.” Oh Kellie Kellie, the “whut?? A mink??” bit will go down in AI history.
General observations…
I HATE it when the judges tell the kids to do something different and then bash them when they do. Argh.
Ryan addressing the rumor mill (with Kat) was tacky filler fodder.
Kat has this “Help. Me.” look to her most of the time.
Simon has made my doo-doo list with his Carrie bashing. So mad at him.
A Buffy quote comes to mind whenever I hear Simon give a lecture - “Blah blah bidy blah, I’m so stuffy, gimme a scone.”
Very entertaining night!
3/8/06
The first thing ya notice is that Ace is wearing his beanie and looking better than any human has a right to! Ryan looks like a dapper executive in a business suit. Again, the theme of the video is “what you don’t know about me.”
Gedeon – his speaking voice is so creepy but he shows a cute painting that he did. He sings “When a Man Loves a Woman” and does well with it. But a fuchsia shirt…? I am just going to pretend that the color on my TV is off. Cuz eww. Veronica’s friend Wallace would never wear that color. Judges say… “it was awright,” “the throwback to your style is amazing,” “you are quite odd aren’t you?, “a bit cabaret, a bit over the top, but I like you, you’re interesting.” Gedeon undoes all the good when his cockiness comes back full force, intentional or not. Poor kid does not stand a chance to last much longer.
Chris – his speaking voice is just as sexy as his singing voice. He tells about when he used to wear his hair like Ryan’s! They show pictures of him with his wife and one of his kids and it’s cute. He is singing a song that I kind of recognize but I’m not sure … it’s called “Broken.” He has such a wonderful rock voice; it is rugged and edgy. I think he must have borrowed one of Ace’s shirts, though ha. Judges say… “you know who you are,” “you’re ready,” “rock on baby rock on,” “you are going to be out there selling out stadiums,” “it was a bit indulgent,” “boring song.” Chris is confident but not in a cocky way. I finally remembered the “Broken” song - it's the one with Amy Lee (my girl!) on backup.
Kevin – he admits that he likes gangsta music. Pe-yew. He sings a boring song, the most sleep inducing thing I have ever heard on the show ever. It sounds like what you hear at a school musical. He reminds me of Bill Gates, if the Microsoft icon was 12. I want to like this little boy; I felt sorry for him about the whole Chicken Little thing. Judges say… “you actually can really sing,” “you are in the dawg pound eternally,” “you make people pay attention when you sing,” “you melt their hearts,” “in the same way you like watching puppies play…I think you have the granny vote again.” I am so curious to know if Kevin is sincere or acerbic??
Bucky – he has an identical twin brother named Rocky. Bucky is growing on me, I gotta say it. He reminds me of a guy I dated in high school who was a guitar player in a country rock band. Tall, lanky, dirty lookin'. He sings a song I have never heard, I think a country song. I can not understand the words but it sounds like “wave on wave” or something. Judges say… “kinda Bucky country thing,” “I liked it dawg,” “I love the raw untapped talent of you,” “it was okay,” “you’ll hear this a million times this week in a bar.” Bucky is making me like him more and more. Way too cute when they bring his twin on stage and they ham it up.
Will – he reveals that he is studying Japanese. Wahoo! *cough* geek! He is singing a James Taylor song. I am so over the teens this year, doing songs older than me for the love of God. I like his voice, but he sounds like a wedding singer tonight. Judges say… “that was not good for me,” “bad karaoke,” “forget 11-year-olds, cuz I’m a fan,” “you did a great job,” “at least you’ve got the middle-aged vote.” Will looks like he is going to cry and it reminds me of why I loathe the idea of having teenaged kids in this competition. Nuff said.
Taylor – he was my very fave guy upfront but the bless-ed bunny suit was too much. And the bizarre fake smile that he stole from Gedeon. He redeems himself by doing a complete clone rendition of “Taking it to the Streets.” He has some amusing moving and grooving and smooth change-ups on his vocal. He ends on a bang, only one whoo at the end. Judges say… “you represent the dawg pound, it’s the dawg wind up,” “favorite performance from you,” “blown away,” “you single-handedly could kill the music video industry; that was definitely a radio song,” “your best performance so far.” Taylor is a camera hog, I have noticed lately. He obviously reads the AI message board, giving a shout out to the Soul Patrol.
Elliott – he talks about his hearing loss. Wow. And he does it smilingly without playing the pity card. Man, I am in awe of this guy. He doesn’t look like an Amish elf anymore; I saw a picture of him on the AI web site and he was wearing a green shirt. Now he reminds me of a sweet leprechaun. He sings “Heaven” which is a boring song but he does great as usual with it. Judges say… “I could make a record with you tonight,” “we got a hot one right here tonight,” “phenomenal...whoops,” “it was a cop out,” “you appeared uncomfortable.” Like Lucky Charms, Elliott is just magically delicious.
Ace – he reveals that he is a gay magnet, nah just kiddin'. He became a handy man when he first came out to Ho’wood. Better than a waiter I guess. He is still gorgeous, but I noticed that from the side he kind of looks like a hobbit. (Frodo anyone?) He tortures, maims, and then kills some old Michael Jackson song. My dogs are in pain and beg for it to stop. Judges say… “great falsetto, it was hot,” “better than the original artist,” “talent talent,” “there were parts of the vocal that was not good but you made it work.” I am over Ace. Sorry. He needs to be in a boy band with other pretty girlie boys just like him. Singing MJ just ruins it for me.
General observations …
The “red room” scares me. I am expecting the cops to come in and bust all the johns in the brothel.
So stupid, the “you’re so gay” banter between Ryan and Simon, it is so lame. Just kiss already, geez.
During Elliot's critique, Paula spilling the booze or whatever it was in her cup...priceless!
Catty comment one: Ryan - “It’s not all about talent...the judges are here, too.”
Catty comment two: Simon - “Pauler, you must have been starved of entertainment as a child.”
It is so weird how the ones I loved in the beginning are really annoying me now and the ones I didn’t like so much are totally growing on me. I guess that is why I am hopelessly addicted to this show...
3/9/06
“Gotta Go Right Now” Round 3
This episode will let us know who will be in the Top 12. I have not been keeping up with predictions lately because I am never right. But what the hey… I say Kevin and Will should go. They have proms to get ready for. Also, Kinnik and Melissa; Kinnik could be on Broadway and Melissa on Girls Gone Wild, the AI edition.
Recap – Bucky doing country, Chris rocking on Seether without Amy Lee, Mandisa belting beautifully, Taylor doing soul, Paris going all salsa, Elliott on a ballad, Will singing at a high school dance, Lisa doing her Star Search thang, Gedeon blues-ing it out, Ayla kicking it up modern, Kevin being juvenile (Simon's word and I agree), Kat doing Aretha, Ace doing Michael, Kellie on her knees, Melissa in biker chick mode, Kinnik in yawn-worthy but lovely ballad mode.
Bo Bice! Bo Bice! I love you Bo Bice! He looks amazing and ... wow he discovered conditioner. That was the only thing I did not like about him last year, the frizzies. He is so sweet, talking about his baby son. He is adorable and wonderful in the banter with Ryan.
The song he sings though, “The Real Thing,” uh oh. The well-oiled Ho’wood machine took our rocker Bo and replaced him with this commercial pop clone. And I don’t want to see the baton twirling of the mic stand ever again, sigh.
Elimination time… Lisa looks scared, Melissa looks amused, Ayla looks smug, Kinnik…is the one going home. She is more beautiful than ever and says she is grateful for the opportunity. I get up to get a drink while she sings good-bye, though.
Guys are next…Ryan makes dumb talk with the nervous kids. Kevin looks peeved, Gedeon looks pensive and more like Wallace than ever, Bucky looks happy then nervous, Elliott looks calm, Will... is going home. Will is mature and Simon calls him a gentleman and says he likes him. Awwww. He gets one more practice in for prom night, when he sings with the rest of the Bradys. Adorable kid.
Okay, we are going to fill some rocket-ship looking chairs with the Top 12. In order of name called…
Paris, who has strange puppy dog hair tonight for no particular reason
Kat, looking more beautiful than ever and klutzy
Kellie, looking adorable in pink
Mandisa, in a cute hat with a cuter smile
Lisa, who looks like a Gap ad in cargo pants
Last two are Ayla and Melissa and it’s a total no-brainer. Mel has to go ride a bull at Gilleys y'all. No. They. Did. Not. Just. Say. That. Ayla. Lost. Obviously this kid has never lost anything in 17 years. She is devastated. I am appalled. She was not my favorite but she sang much better than the GGW girl every time! Now they are making her sing. I can not believe this crap. Voters are full of manure. Even the judges seem shocked. Okay, I am going to tell myself that this is for the best, she can now go be homecoming queen and play basketball.
Guys filling the chairs…
Taylor, who hoops and hollers
Ace, gorgeous in his beanie
Chris, this man is hot hot hot
Kevin, the Chicken Little looks shocked
Elliott, the sweetest man on the show ever
The final two are Gedeon and Bucky. Again, this one seems pretty obvious to me, but no… I was wrong again. The video clip of Gedeon must have been his downfall. Bucky makes it through to the Top 12. Once again I tell myself that Gedeon can now go home and be prom king. I like the way he said “pray for me,” that was classy. He sings his song wonderfully.
I have to go find Kleenex and have a headache. I think I will give up on this show but that's just crazy talk!
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