TOP 12 "Wonders"

3/14/06
The good news is now we get down to serious “bid-nez.” And only 2 nights a week, yay. The bad news is theme nights begin which can be so lame. Good news/bad news is that starting this week, there is a bigger band, bigger stage, and the kids get to work with a stylist. These things DO NOT always work out for the best.

First we are reminded of our Top 12 – who they are and how they got there. Random adorableness, tears, smiles, lots of whoops and yahoos. I am reminded that one of the reasons I like this show is because of the great editing. It is Stevie Wonder night and since I am not that into his music, it's yawn city. He seems like a sweet guy though, when he meets with the contestants. Some of them, notably Elliott are in tears when they meet him.

The video montages at the beginning of each performance are about each singer's experience during their one-on-one time with Stevie.

Ace – he is humbled and touching in his video. Unfortunately he starts off bad and gets worse on “Do I Do.” I notice the stylists haven’t done anything with Ace; he still has the Sully-on-Dr.-Quinn-Medicine-Woman hair, which is fine with me. He is wearing a different shirt though. Judges say… “you couldn’t quite find the key,” “I liked your energy,” “you started off the night fantastic,” “cool dance moves,” “luckily for you this audience is very easily pleased,” “a bit manic.” Merry (or is it Pippin?) – okay, I mean Ace looks none too perturbed and talks about working the bigger stage during his Ryan-banter segment.

Kellie – she talks about not being familiar with Stevie's music (so why with all the crying in the earlier “Meeting Stevie” clip?) She has too many dumb blonde moments to count tonight (a few are recapped below.) The stylists have given her Carrie Underwood hair for no apparent reason. She looks uncomfortable, like she can’t walk in her red high heels. She doesn’t sound bad really, just boring with a capital BORING. Judges say… “like a non event,” “none of the spark was there,” “little bit too safe,” “razzle dazzle did not show up,” “you sent everyone in America to sleep,” “like you went to Dolly Parton school, the way you look.” Kellie was irresistible saying “Ah'm sawree” over and over. I can understand why she has a large fan base. Ryan has the nerve to use the word “fashionista” - was he being cruel?

Elliott – he is more precious than anyone in the competition when he talks to Stevie. His voice is so amazing and he makes Mr. Wonder proud. I like Elliott so much, his personality is great, his voice is awesome, and his every-day-ordinary-lookin' guy image is refreshing. He looks great in a white jacket and baby blue shirt. Judges say… “this is your comfort zone,” “it was good,” “I love your passion; amazing singer,” “that did not have the wow factor,” “need to start showing originality.” I wish Ryan would not make a big deal out of Elliott being sweaty. Who cares, it may be from the diabetes. Elliott is a class act.

Mandisa – she looks more beautiful than ever and there is a cutesy-pie moment with Ryan taking her shoes off when she says her feet hurt really bad. In her video, Stevie says he is impressed with her. On stage, she is amazing as always, though this is not a song I know or can get into. Even the notes that may not be perfect are better than most of the others in this contest. I may be biased though, ha! Judges say… “you’re the best so far,” “you can sing anything,” “okay, now we have a competition.” Mandisa is so funny when Ryan throws her high heels at the judges. The stylists need to give her some powder under all these new lights, and some comfortable shoes. But she smiles widely and all is right with the world.

Bucky – he speaks candidly about not knowing Stevie’s music but now that he’s heard it, he likes it. I like this guy more and more. He has a great sense of humor. Fortunately, the stylists have introduced him to shampoo, but whoa they went a little crazy with the blow dryer, too. Who knows why they gave him Carrie Underwood hair?? With his pretty golden locks flowing, he does a pretty good job on “Superstition.” Judges say… “not the greatest vocal performance, but I enjoyed it,” “it was different,” “wish you’d get out of your comfort zone,” “we’ve got to talk about the Jessica Simpson hair – that has got to go!” Bucky is a hoot, cutting up with Ryan, talking about hairdos.

Melissa – in her video, she talks about flubbing her lyrics in front of Stevie and makes a big deal about wearing a dress. Big whoop. She has been in beauty pageants, and ah hmmm, yeah, no dresses there, right? Her song is so boring that I literally fall asleep, but when I wake up, I hear something about her messing up the lyrics AGAIN. Methinks someone does not deserve to be in the Top 12. Judges say… “flat and sharp notes,” “you got pipes,” “you should wear dresses more often,” “there is something very soothing about your voice,” “your best performance so far,” “edgy, contemporary.” Melissa apologizes to Mr. Wonder about murdering his song. I think the last word of that song was “goodbye” but I am not sure since I was dozing.

Lisa – she is cute during her time with Stevie and he seems to have fun with her. She sings “Signed Sealed Delivered” which I always thought was a Peter Frampton song but oh well. (The Hubby confirms that Peter did sing it once upon a time in the 70s.) Lisa has an edge to her tonight, more pizazz, less “Stepford-ness.” This is the only time that I have really enjoyed watching and hearing her. Judges say… “the end was hot,” “when you add your ad libs is where you shine,” “took absolute control of the stage,” “it was great, I loved it.” Lisa tells Ryan she has not been on a stage like this before; the Arsenio stage was a lot smaller from what I remember.

Kevin – some cute little bitty girls come on stage and give a cutesy-pie sign to Kevin. Awwww. Make me so yak. He talks about being awestruck over Stevie, whose sunglasses are older than Kevin. I am over this Where’s Waldo, this season's Anthony what’s-his-name. He moves like a duck while singing “Part Time Lover.” I do not understand this kid. Is he for real or is this a parody? Judges say… “I love you man,” “some funny dance moves,” “enjoyable,” “this was the point in the show where Stevie Wonder turns down the volume.” Kevin mouths off at Simon like he’s a teenage boy or something. Oh yeah... he is.

Katharine – the elegant one gushes over meeting Stevie. She has already done Mr. Wonder earlier this season. She sings beautifully as usual and the make-up artists have given her some Goth eyeshadow. For no particular reason, she is wearing an outfit that looks like a maternity dress. The Hubby thinks she is the most beautiful girl he has ever seen on TV, ever. Judges say… “that was hot,” “I loved everything about it,” “your best performance ever,” “you’re good,” “there's something about you that reminds me vocally of Kelly Clarkson.” Kat switches to giddy mode talking about shoes and wardrobe with Ryan. It is so obvious that she and Kellie are roommates. Der.

Taylor – he wears a T-shirt that says “got soul?” during his video clip. He is over-the-top as usual and at all times knows where the camera is. Can you say HAM? He redeems himself on stage; he is totally in his element with this song and actually keeps the gyrations in sync with the music. His moves look more stylish and less Tourettes-like. Judges say… “you were fearless baby fearless,” “you are such a fun performer,” “this is what you need to be doing just to make everybody happy,” “you’re like every dad who has ever got drunk at a wedding, got on stage and sang; difference is, you can sing.” Ryan and Taylor chat about the possibility of the stylists changing Taylor's gray hair. Since this is his trademark it's highly doubtful.

Paris – she is sincere in her clip about Stevie but that fake puppy dog hair… ugh. He compares her excitement to Fantasia. On stage, she is thankfully back to regular hair, looking so much like Tootie from the Facts of Life that I am searching for Jo and Blair. She sings better than I have ever heard her. She is a bouncy, bubbly, likable little gal. I loved Fantasia, but Paris is actually a better singer. Judges say… “you were unbelievable tonight,” “seasoned veteran at only 17 years old,” “like a performing little doll, wind her up and off you go, very good.” Paris ruins everything by the obnoxious holla/singing during her Ryan-banter.

Chris – he talks about being worried about doing Stevie and mentions the Red Hot Chili Peppers a lot. Huh? Who cares, he is rocking it out in his usual style of wonderfulness. The only thing I don’t like is the mic stand shenanigans a'la Bo Bice. He is awesome and I am even getting used to the manly chain thingy that hangs from his jeans. Am hoping that once he wins this competition that he doesn’t go all crazy and get the tattoos and piercings that we see on other bald rockers. He is fine just like he is. Judges say… “every week you find a way to make it your own,” “I just sit back and enjoy every single week,” “Chris – thank God for Chris,” “this was the only real world performance.” Chris and Ryan make the best banter of the night until Simon intercedes and everything becomes an inside joke.

TV does not get better than this...
Classic Kellie moments:
Kellie to Stevie Wonder: Country is like, more my genre. Can you tell by my accent? ha ha
Stevie: I can hear it a little bit.
Kellie: A little bit? ha ha
Stevie: I thought you were from England actually.
Kellie: Really???
Stevie: Yes...no, I’m kidding.
Kellie: Really?? Oh God.
Stevie: I was kidding, really.

Banter with Ryan:
Ryan: The stylists are working with you…
Kellie: Yeah I got some new eyelashes. I have fake eyelashes! I feel like I have tarantulas on!
Ryan: Aren’t you an arachnophobic?
Kellie: Yeah I am, I’m terrified of bugs.
Ryan: You don’t look so scared right now.
Kellie: Well, they’re not real tarantulas.

A good Where's Waldo moment:
Some kid holds up a sign that says “Kevin is my Heaven” -
Ryan says “Simon is my hell.”
Kevin says “You’re not the only one.”

General observations...

You can tell that more than one script-writer comes up with Ryan’s lines - some are inane to the max, some are clever and witty, and some are just oh-so-gay. And when he tried to sing... hilarious!

Having the “devil beard twins” there in the audience was just freakin' wrong, man.

It is so annoying when Ryan and the judges banter amongst themselves and we don’t know what’s going on. Reminding us that we are on the outside looking in ...

3/15/06

Only 30 minutes tonight and then SIX (count 'em) SIX more days until another episode. Ryan embarrasses us with his gushing man-crush on Simon, again. Then highlights of last night's episode. Meeting Mr. Stevie Wonder, then performing their versions of his songs.

Recap time - Elliott sounding amazing, Kellie “Parton” blowing it but looking gorgeous, Bucky “Simpson” rocking it, Melissa blowing the lyrics and everyone rubbing it in, Mandisa glowing even barefoot, Lisa finally looking young, Taylor and Kat the consistent pros, Paris and Chris showing ‘em how it's done, Kevin and Ace making fools of all of us.

Oh goody, the first of the cheesy faux Ford commercials. At least this one showcases Chris playing guitar. It is a cute camp fire scene and Taylor and Mandisa look like the chaperones on a coed scout outing. Kat and Ace are more gorgeous than two humans have a right to be.

Stevie Wonder performs his new song. Gotta give props to an icon, but I kind of dozed through it and would bet I’m not the only one who caught a nap.

We are sending someone home “Live” people. (Which is good to know that we are not sending them home dead, der.)

First in the bottom 3 – in the shock heard around the world… Ace! No one looks more surprised than he does. Uh oh, he looks like he's channeling Voldemort. Oh well, rosy cheeks and doe eyes alone ain’t gonna get it. He was not that good last night.

Next in bottom 3 is lyric-blowing barmaid Melissa, a no-brainer there. Last in the bottom 3, in another shocking moment, but then again maybe not… Lisa.

I can’t believe for a second that Chicken Little got more votes than Ace and Lisa! When Lisa is told she is safe she does not acknowledge Mel in any way; I was disappointed that she did not even attempt to play the game.

During her “buh bye” video montage, they show Melissa with some scary looking dude and lots and lots and lots of cleavage. The Hubby is fussin' about not wanting her to go while I try to keep my glee to myself.

General observations…

All the hoopla about Melissa blowing her lyrics … necessary I guess. However, after playing Bucky back on DVR it sounds like he is saying “superstitions” instead of “superstitious” a couple of times.

It's bad enough that the booted off contestants are made to perform their losing song at the end of each show. But it's even worse when they are CUT before they even get started. This show has run over its time limit many times, so what’s the big deal about letting the kids finish and let us see them get their farewell hugs?

Oh well... 'Til Tuesday then…