4/25/06Ryan is wearing a gorgeous blue tie tonight. So funny how he says Simon is “so old” – ha! He is the same age as My Hubby. Who is sexier than ever and it's just not fair but I digress.
Cue the candlelight, ‘cause the kids will be doing looooove songs tonight. F’real. But first an ode to this week's token celeb, an opera guy, Andrea Bocelli. Celine Dion says that if God sang, His voice would sound like this guy. He seems pretty cool and I like his accent. I am not into opera AT ALL so this segment is zzzzzzzzz. Each contestant is coached this week by Andrea and a producer guy named David something who has a Simon-like seriousness about him.
First up, Katharine. Andrea and David are impressed with her, as they should be. And wow, she is absolutely stunning to look at tonight. Her hair, makeup, and voice are A1 perfection. Not sure about the dress, though. (The Hubby says that Kat has borrowed Paula’s cleavage tonight, and he is thrilled about that.) Even though I don’t particularly like the Whitney Houston song she sings, Kat does it better than Whitney, in my opinion. Judges disagree: “that didn’t come close, baby, sorry,” “there were pitch problems,” “you are a star, you were born to sing,” “by choosing that song… you are saying you are as good as Whitney Houston, and you’re not.” Katharine looks confused, sad, and pissed all at the same thing as she is being b*slapped. She holds it together though, bless her heart.
Wow, Elliott is wearing a wider version of Ryan’s blue tie. It is so cool. He looks better and better each week, I swear. By the time this is over, he will look like Ben Affleck. The producer guy is a complete jerk while coaching Elliott, but he takes it in stride; that is the kind of classy guy he is. I know they are just trying to help, but I am left feeling sick and teary while watching it. Elliott sings a song I have never heard of by a guy I don’t know. But it is so so so good, incredible; he is wonderful. It is evident that this song means a lot to him; he does not miss a note. Judges say: “hated the arrangement… but I love you,” “you were the bomb tonight,” “you move me,” “you celebrate what this competition is all about,” “you ARE an American Idol,” “that was like a vocal master class, it was superb.” Paula is crying, I am crying, Simon is laughing at Paula crying. It is like a Disney movie tonight. God bless you, Elliott.
Kellie has a weird looking hairdo. She makes stupid with Ryan before they show her making even stupider with the producer guy, who is way easier on her than he should be. Even blind Andrea guesses that she is blonde. Tee hee. Now she is singing the LeAnn Rimes version of “Unchained Melody” – or at least she says it's the Rimes version… heh. It could be, but only if LeAnn is the name of her doggie. ‘Cause it's really really bad. Okay, so she hits one high note good but man… (The best version of this song is by “Heart” - no one can belt “oh myyyyyyyyy love, my daaarrrrrlinnnnng” like Ann Wilson, but I digress.) The bless-ed judges treat Kellie oh so delicately though, or else her fans will slash their tires. They say, “you think you butchered this one too right,” “it was very strange,” “I don’t see you raising the bar each week,” “you are adorable,” “it was like the never-ending song,” “no heart, no warmth.” To his dismay, the music is cued before Simon finishes his critique. Kellie does the pouty lip. Awwww. Barf.
Paris is going to sing a Barbra Streisand song older than her mama. Andrea and David adore her and are sweet to her during their time together. She has her best hair ever tonight and looks nice; for the first time ever, she doesn’t look like she’s in a costume. Oh my goodness, she is absolute perfection on this song. Wow, I am so impressed with this little girl. Every single note seems to say… see Pickler, THIS is singing! Judges say, “I wasn’t over the top about it but I liked it,” “you oversang the song a little bit,” “very good vocal, but a little old-fashioned.” Paris is adorable and sweet but seems resigned that she is not going to be this year’s winner. Sometimes I really loathe the judges with the heat of a thousand hells. I stomp through the house using truck driver language under my breath.
I hope Taylor does well tonight. He was my favorite when the show first started, but now he just annoys me. I really want to like him again! The tag team coaches of the week say that they believe Taylor has the most charisma. Heh, whatever. If the definition of charisma is obnoxiousness, then heck yeah. Taylor attempts the song “Just Once” but ugh, he is not delivering it; he does not seem comfortable at all. His voice is all over the place. Judges say, “that was completely the wrong song for you,” “bad karaoke,” “every cell in your body is born to be on that stage performing,” “you looked uptight tonight.” Paula interrupting Simon just goes to show that they are pimping Taylor to the max which is so lame. NEWSFLASH: Just read an interview with Nigel, one of TIIC (The Idiots In Charge... hey, it's a term of endearment! And just because they have more money than God, does not mean that they are smart or fair, just savvy and scheming. So hmmmp!) Anyway, I digress... Nigel revealed that they made Taylor change his song at the very last minute. He was going to do “Try a Little Tenderness” and for some stupid and irrational reason TIIC would not LET him! Can you imagine how awesome Taylor would have ROCKED that song??!! Argh, this show sends me into orbit!!
As you can expect, Chris is told by the coaches that he sings from the “wrong place” and blah blah blah, then they make him lay on the floor. And wow he looks hot doing that. So now he is singing a Bryan Adams song, the one from a Johnny Depp movie I think. It is kind of a boring song but his voice is so sexy, he is so fine, Deanna is the luckiest gal in the entire world. Chris gives his all, as he always does; he is very intense. Judges are running out of time and quickly say, “love the jacket, love you, amazing,” “love you, we all love you, LOVE YOU,” “that was a very very good choice of song, and it was a great performance, very sexy song.” WOW, Simon called Chris sexy, heh. My Kid is LHAO! I want Chris’s CD right now!
General observations…
WTH did Kat do to tick the judges off??? They ripped her to shreds, threw her against the wall and basically beat the crap out of her. I know it’s wrong to hate, but I have an overflowing bucketful of loathing for them right now.
It is so freakin' OBVIOUS that the judges are trying to SHOVE certain contestants down our throats. They nitpicked and dissed the best ones (Paris, Kat) while “sugar wouldn’t melt in their mouth” as my granny used to say, when they were critiquing the worst ones of the night (Pickler, Taylor.) At least they gave good props to Elliott and Chris, who deserved it. But as much as I like Chris, I think they overpraised him. Don't tell The Kid I said that, she will break my kneecaps.
But on a good note... I can relate to Paula's teary reaction to Elliott. I adore him, too; he is a marvelous singer and a great guy. When she said that she looked back at the tapes of the kids when they first started on the show and how far he has come... she did not just mean vocally. He has gone the “duckling to swan” route big time!
I will be so glad when this season is over; it is like crack to me. I can not get enough of it!
4/26/06
As my granny used to say, “we're in the short rows now.” (It's a farming thing.)
Ryan continues his clean shaven and mature bank executive look as he tells us that there were 47 grazillion votes. Wow. I feel a little bit better about my obsession with this show.
Then an unbelievable thing happens... Simon APOLOGIZES to Katharine for cutting her throat last night! And the other two concur. Then Kat's mom stands up and agrees to cancel the hit man she hired. Thank goodness for that because the show would not be the same without these wacky judges!
We are reminded that Andrea Bocelli is a great singer who is blind and his English speaking is not good and that the Foster guy is a jerkwad.
Recapping... Katharine singing well in a yellow dress split all the way up to THERE... oops I don't think she meant to show all that! Paris with Farrah hair and Michael Jackson's Bad jacket, singing great. Wonderful Elliott making Paula squall like a baby. Kellie causing Simon to be so harsh that the music cues and he can't pick Pickler apart. Taylor inspiring a riot between the medicated Paula and the stick-up-his-butt Brit. Chris closing the show and getting love from everybody.
Ryan is still teasing Paula about the crying jag. Give her a break. The same thing happens to me when I get PMS; I cry if the sky is a pretty shade of blue. It may be a menopausal thing.
Andrea sings beautifully but I am not into this kind of music. So during this, The Kid and I pass the time by arguing for the zillionth time that she does not need a cell phone at the ripe young age of 13. Nosiree. I tell her that when she gets her driver's license she can have one.
The Ford faux-mercial is the very best ever with cute little puppies! Loved it!
Then we start predicting who we think is going to go home tonight. I say Paris and she says Kellie. I say, what-EV, Pickler ain't going home and I am willing to BET her that I am right. I tell My Kid and I quote: “If Kellie is voted off tonight, then I promise you that I will buy you a cell phone tomorrow.” We shake on it, and I smirk confidently to myself.
Now it's time to divide the kids into twos. Katharine starts a group, then Elliott, then Kellie. Paris joins Kellie, Taylor joins Elliott, and Chris joins Kat. Taylor and Elliott sit down right away. YAY!! Then Ryan reveals that Kat and Chris were the TOP 2. Bottom 2 is Kellie and Paris. (And what was the deal with them standing miles apart? Did someone's Sure get a little doubtful? Just askin'.)
Hell just froze over. Kellie is going home. And I have to buy The Kid a cell phone! She is so excited, running through the house like the crazy young'en she is, thanking Kellie for sucking last night and getting the boot, and therefore getting her a cell phone. I feel very strange and so so glad that I do not do Vegas, 'cause I suck at this betting stuff.
Kellie's “had a bad day” video montage reminds us all that she is part Dolly with a mix of Jessica Simpson and a dash of Elly May. In spite of everything, all of us should be proud of her for how far she's come. And her grandpa and little brother are adorable. But... thank God they run out of time before she digs up “Unchained Melody” and kills it again.
It's all good, as Kellie has a long and wonderful career ahead of her at Dollywood. And I mean that sincerely and in a good way.
General observations…
I am a happy-go-lucky person at heart and not into the conspiracy theory stuff at all. BUT! I smell a rat with this whole Kat-bashing thing. Either the judges did it on purpose to lure viewers to give her the sympathy vote... or they really meant what they said but when they found out Kat was in the freakin' Top 2!!! they knew they would look like complete morons!!! so they decided to go ahead and eat their crow warm instead of cold. Either way, it worked... Kat is safe. I just hope that the Ghost Whisperer gal got that yellow dress back.
P.S. After reading Kellie's exit interviews, I like her again. Go figure!!
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