4/18/06Tonight should be a good one, since the kids are going to be doing standards, a.k.a. old stuff. Most of them will be in their element tonight.
Ryan looks dapper as usual, but he seems somewhat bored as he introduces the judges. It’s like – for all you folks who have lived in a cave for the past five years… It’s getting so old with the booing of Simon; hellllooo Romper Room. And Paula “my body’s too bootylicious for ya babe”, wow girl. Set them free!
So it’s like this… Rod Stewart, known for several decades now as a rocker dude, has released a series of albums (CDs, for those of you born after 1985) that consists of standards, called the Great American Songbook. Interesting, him being a Brit and all. Hmm. Oh well. At any rate, he is the Coach of the Week.
He seems to be very personable, this Rod Stewart. And wow, at age 105, he has a new baby! Is that a record? Cute little fella for sure. (The baby, not Rod.) His name is Alistair, which is British for “he who receives many wedgies.” And the new fiancée is the clone of that other gal he was married to a while back. Cliché much?
Barry, I mean Kenny, wait... ROD finds something good to say about each contestant, which is cool and usual. (As opposed to our other cruel and unusual Brit.)
Up first is Chris, looking hotter than blazes in a Cartwright brothers wedding outfit. He sings “What a Wonderful World” which I think was used in the Urkel sitcom? Chris proves once again, for the last two hard-headed doubters out there, that he can forever and without a doubt, SING. He has a fantastic voice; I could listen to him all day. My daughter calls from her grandma’s house to make sure I saw her Man. We sigh and giggle; it is so much fun being a girl. Judges agree that he is mega hot and he can croon it with the best of ‘em. Chris’s adorable wife is in the audience. The radio station I listen to calls her on the phone all the time; they are like Deanna stalkers. At any rate, Chris – dude, peace out!
Paris looks like she is ready to seat folks on an airplane. Wow, that is a bright color. She is very pretty tonight and the latest hairdo makes her look 25 instead of 17. She is absolutely fantastic on the song she is doing; I have never heard it but it’s something about foolishness. Not the Jewel “foolish” song but an old old one. The Paris that I adored way back in the audition is here tonight, y’all. She has never sounded better; every note is absolute perfection. I can not wait to download this from rickey and listen to it over and over. And I don’t even prefer this type of “this is what elevator music is made of” genre. Judges agree that she is a baby doll and can sing her heiney off. Paris, I am re-fanned!
Ryan teases Taylor about the SNL parody, but the silver fox is fine with it because “flattery is a great form of humor.” Heh. Okay so then Taylor sings the phrase “You Send Me,” like 18 times and then finally! We wake up to see him spazzing out. Thank goodness. He wraps the song in a blanket and takes it out to the park. Yay baybee yeah. As my granny would have said, “that boy's rurnt” - which is southern-speak meaning he is crazy. The judges think that he is tore up from the floor up but in a good way. Even Simon is feeling some luv for him. Wow, I did not see the newsflash that hell had frozen over. Taylor, you send me. (To the fridge, but I digress.)
My darling Mr. Tumnus, sweet Elliott is up next, looking snazzy in purple. He is so adorable with Rod, who loves him, as he should. So in his element with “It Had to Be You,” a song he sings with absolute perfection. You can tell that he is more comfortable with this genre of music; he is very natural on stage. The judges agree that he is the nicest person that they have ever met, and that he sings good. Except for Simon who says he lacks personality. Oh Simon, you would not know personality if it came up and bit you on your asterisk! Man, he ticks me off with the swiftness sometimes. Elliott doesn’t care, he knows that he is wonderful.
The Fakeler (my nickname for Kellie) is looking lovely tonight, gotta give her props for that much. She is singing some song about witchcraft or something I think, who knows. She is so howling dog bad that a vessel popped in my brain. Ouch, my ears say. Why are you doing this to us, my dogs seem to say as they look at the TV and then look at me, like it’s my fault that this chick is still in the contest. Hey, I didn’t vote for her. Can't they use her over on that Wynonna talent show?? The judges are way too gentle with Kellie, and she does the little pout and dismay over how she butchered it, and I need a throw up bucket. Somebody please do a St. Anthony's for this girl’s missing brain.
For no particular reason, Ace is disguised as Steven Seagal tonight. He looks really nice in the suit but geez Louise the hairdo… yikes. Exxon called, they want their oil spill back. He sings some song I have never heard before and he actually sounds okay. I just can’t look directly at him, it makes my head hurt. Poor guy, bless his heart. What has this show turned him into? “Hi, I’m Ace; I’ll be your waiter this evening…” Judges don’t mind his singing and they are ready to take their order. Thank goodness Ace assures Ryan and the entire world that he did NOT cut his hair! It’s just up in a bun, okay? Pulp Fiction style. Ace's reaction to praise from Simon is so endearing. Awww.
Everyone and their pet turtle knows that Katharine is going to bring the house down tonight. She is going to shine like the bright star she is, no question. She sings a song that I remember Linda Ronstadt doing, “Someone to Watch Over Me,” and she is magnificent and wonderful and lovely. The movie of the same title, neh not as good, but that’s okay. I digress, because I like to wander off sometimes. Tee hee. I sure do wish that the stylist(s) working with Kat liked her better than they do, because geez. Even though she is pretty as a doll, she could look even better with the right hairdo and outfit. Why is Fakeler getting all the love from the stylists?? Judges love Kat anyway so there! The camera loves her too, and it can not find a bad shot of her no matter what.
For me, it’s a 3-way tie between Elliott, Paris, and Kat for best performance tonight. If there is any justice in this world, Kellie will go home tomorrow, but we all know that ain’t gonna happen. Gosh darn golly gee. Most likely it will be Ace. And just to make the entire world gasp, I predict that either Chris or Taylor will be in the bottom three.
General observations...
Why do some of the audience members act like Goobers?? Oh... that's right. They're Kellie fans.
Simon was uncharacteristically kind tonight. What is up with that?
Paula needs to STHU. She also needs to talk to her hairdresser about those bangs. Arf.
It would be great if the kids sounded as good during the live performances on stage as they do in the videos with the Coach of the Week. They rock those out every time.
4/19/06
It's time for one of the seven to be not so lucky. Recaps show that everyone did an un-freakin-believably good job last night except for Pickler.
Rod Stewart is up here in the house tonight, y’all. With his galfriend Penny/Rachel in the audience. And Ryan shaved, yay. He looks 12 again, so I feel pervy for thinking he’s a cutie pie. So when will Teri be in the audience, mewonders?
The Ford folks are moving from cheesy to coolio with their ad this week – the moving billboards? Sweeeet. Rod sings a boring song (one that poor lil' crooner Radford tried to do and failed) while I go get a slice of pecan pie and chocolate milk. Not a good combo by the way. But I digress…
After everyone wakes up, it’s elimination time. Ryan is putting the kids in groups of 3, and since 7 is not divisible by 3, we have an odd man out.
First group is Elliott, Kellie, and Katharine. Second is Chris, Paris, and Ace. Hmmmm. This should be a no-brainer but I feel a trick coming on. Taylor is the leftover.
And now, since the square root of dumbass-ploys-on-a-TV-show is American Idol… Ryan asks Taylor to join the group that he thinks is safe. Taylor shakes Chris’s hand, and then… goes to join the other group. And yep… he’s right. Bottom 3 is Chris, Paris, and Ace … with Ace leaving.
At least Ace has his lovely mane back, and aren’t we so glad? (that was my sarcastic voice.) There is no one who is going to love him like he loves him. Just that kind of guy. I am not worried about Ace, he will do just fine with his super hot looks. And as long as he has his ego, he will never be alone. Yeah, MEOW!
General observations...
Why does Katharine look so much better on results night than on performance night? Conspiracy anyone?
Maybe it was Catty comment- Ryan: “Your votes decided the outcome. Did you follow your instincts? Or did you listen to these three?”
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