January 23, 2007
So Ryan is asking, “Why is Memphis such a ghost town?” And why are they playing the music from The Stand? It’s because all 650,000 people (give or take) are at the American Idol audition, y'all! Or maybe they are at Graceland, the 2nd most visited house in the country.
First up is a nice looking captain of the cheerleading squad who brings his cheerleaders and a marching band. He sounds pleasant enough but Simon says he is over the top and the others agree. They have put worse people through (Scott Savol anyone?) To Ryan’s delight, the marching band starts playing anyway. Simon tells them to shut up for the love of God we are doing auditions here! Poor Ryan mouths off and then cues the band to start playing again. This is quality entertainment!
Yesterday I read an article in USA Today about the backlash that AI is receiving for showcasing “special ed” type contestants. Simon and the producers explained that everyone is given the chance to back out and not have their auditions shown. Even the worst of the worst end up being mini-celebs and claiming their “15 minutes” of fame. So it’s a win/win for all these folks to look stupid in front of 37 crazillion viewers.
I am still trying to keep all of that in mind as they parade in front of us a non-personality gal, a spastic blond guy and a big-gummed girl. They are all quiet pathetic and I keep reminding myself that they will be heroes in their hometowns now.
Finally they interview a young man whose dad was a singer back in the day. They show a black and white clip of him doing what looks like break dancing. The guy is cute in a teddy bear like way but has a scruffy donkey-tail beard. When he starts singing “Stormy Monday” it doesn’t matter… he is awesome. My Hubby rewinds it several times; he has found his favorite. (He has a good ear, too; Taylor was his fave last year.) The weird beard guy makes it through to much praise.
Commercials… oooh! New Shrek movie coming this summer, yay!
Next we have a decent sounding lady with dyed red hair. They tell her she is not special enough and after much indignant pleading, crying and cussing, she screams at the camera to go away.
Then we have a montage of train wrecks sobbing, mouthing, shooting the bird, etc. This leads to a guy who looks like Lionel Ritchie a thousand years ago. I hope he is good, as he has “the look” - but he manages to be comic and scary at the same time. He is surprised to be dismissed and tells Ryan that he didn’t care what the judges thought because he liked his song, “he FELT it.” Well, we felt something too – nauseous.
Next is a pretty girl with a strange haircut. It is long in the front and short in the back, kinda like a reverse mullet. She has a great voice even though Randy is not impressed. Something about her reminds me of Jessica Sierra. Simon and Paula vote her through as Randy tells her to prove him wrong.
Day two in Memphis and it’s hugs all around for Paula fans. Please don’t encourage the stalkers, girlfriend. She is really sweet to the fans, though. This leads to the biggest Paula fan ever who goes on and on about his cheating wife. Dude, TMI. His singing is not too awful but he just embarrasses himself trying to do “Footloose.”
Now we have a “hoochie mama” type who says her sense of style is important for her “confidentiality.” Huh? The hooch and her cleavage torture the “Disco Inferno” song and it’s finally mercifully over.
Next up is a Fidel Castro looking guy who seems manic depressive until – he rocks out on a soulful Christian song from a Johnny Cash album. His voice is great but the judges are wondering if America will accept the O Brother Where Art Thou look. They put him through, cuz what the heck.
Then up is a very nervous lady who is a background vocal singer. Cute moment when Simon asks her does she hate the people she sings back up for and she swears that she doesn’t. After singing an old Stevie Wonder song with absolute perfection, the judges praise her to the skies, as they should. They are concerned about her nervousness though. Sweet lady, I will be rooting for her.
Since they are in Memphis, footage of Graceland is required by law. Ryan talks to an Elvis fan who sings, dances, and writes stories. Simon asks how does his story end and he says “with a period.” Sad thing is, the guy was not kidding. Here is the next William Hung, folks.
Now it’s a montage of bad singers maiming and then killing the “Burning Love” song by Elvis. If this was Love Connection, a couple of these folks could hook up, especially non-personality girl and that last guy. That would be a good match.
Next is a bald guy, but not in a hot-Chris way. He talks about being at the AI audition while his wife is giving birth to their second child. (Wives all across the country are throwing daggers at the TV.) He has a good personality but his voice is just meh, to me anyway. The judges like it though, so what do I know? After much banter, they vote him through to Ho’wood.
Quick flashes of some of the good folks that we did NOT get to see yet, including an Ace impersonator and a gal who splashes around in a fountain.
The ep ends with footage of Bald Guy’s wife, toddler and brand new baby. It is all very sweet, and we all know by now that this usually means that this contestant has made it through to the next round. However, TIIC has been tricky this year and a montage does not mean anything.
So Memphis brought us Sundance, the soulful guy with the weird beard. He is My Hubby’s fave so far. I liked Melinda, the background vocal singer, the one who inspired Simon’s quote of the night – “We have a lot of people who come in here with a lot of attitude and a lot of confidence, and they’re not very good. You walk in with no confidence, no attitude and yet you are a brilliant singer.”
‘Til tomorrow, when we go to New Yawk... (-:
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