January 24, 2007
Welcome to Times Square and the City that Never Sleeps. Buzzing 24 hours a day and now with ~20,000 people waiting to audition for American Idol. Some of them are probably rude, heh.
The judges come waltzing in like divas. I think that Simon is faking those cell phone calls to avoid having to converse with anyone. And why is Joan Collins a guest judge?? Oh, it’s Carole Bayer Sager, a singer/songwriter from almost before my time. She looks very good for her age.
First up, a flaming Pee Wee Herman look-a-like who is comically awful. Since the show is two hours tonight (57 minutes minus commercials), they allow this clown to go on way too long on “Gloria.” The late great Laura Branigan would be appalled. Obviously this dude is a window-licker because security has to finally escort him out as he rants about British people. Moron.
Next up, a cute gal from Ohio who reminds me of Mandy Moore. She gets all weepy about her dad not supporting her and even cries in front of the judges. I try to feel some sympathy for the little gal but am too distracted by how darn much Carole looks like Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan! Anyways, the poor little gal makes it through on the pity vote and Ryan listens in as she calls her dad to break the news. (They are pimping that pink Cingular phone to the max.)
We are reminded that New York is the hometown of Constantine Mar-whatever-his-name-was. From the season of Bo that Carrie won. Whatever. What that has to do with the horrible Greek girl up next is anyone’s guess. My Kid says because Con was Greek too, so it all makes sense now.
Now we have a pretty black lady who has a nice weave going. I want hair like that. She sings one of the worst songs of all time, “Loving You” and I prepare for cringing at the high notes. She is not half bad, better than most that we are subjected to. The judges tell her she is old-fashioned and then a strange thing happens… Suddenly, instead of an AI audition, we have a try-out for One Life to Live. Even Ryan chimes in that “these are the days of our lives.” Unfortunately, the melodrama that she presents is better that the soaps that I watch. Drama Queen picks up her last shred of dignity and heads toward the door.
Shots of people sleeping and the judges yawning. To throw a little Girls Gone Wild into the show, two Best Friends Forever are shown frolicking on the beach and shopping and oooooh being oh so girly! They are both young and gorgeous which means that Paula has the “I hate your guts” look on her face. They are allowed to sing together, which they do horribly. BFF#2 is allowed to wait in the room while BFF#1 does her song.
BFF#1 has a “trained” voice and sings the country song “Crazy” in a Broadway voice. She makes it through, to the delight of her friend. So BFF#1 totally leaves BFF#2 in the room. Thanks for the support, Blondie. BFF#2 explains that she does not have a trained voice and does not feel as confident. Then a strange thing happens… BFF#2 blows them away with her fabulous voice. When the judges tell her that she is better than her friend, she shows support for the other girl in a very classy way. I like this chick.
Way too much time is wasted on a harmonica playing “Average Joe” who can’t sing worth a lick. Do not quit that bank day job; glad you love it. Uh, moving on please for the love of God and all that’s holy.
More guys crash and burn in a hideous fashion, including a guy in a freakin’ astronaut suit. Bubba, whut? Green haired dude and “It’s Pat!” only blond.
Finally a cute gal who looks 16 but is 27. She sings an old Aretha song great, has a husky tone to her voice. Great stage presence also and she cries when Simon compliments her. She says she always agrees with him… we will see how long that lasts once the Ho’wood rounds start. Her mini-breakdown reminds me of Paris last year. Awwww, the memories…
Moving on to this season… Ryan has some sexy stubble going on, with his itty bitty bad to the bone self. Day two of NY and Simon is a no-show. Thank goodness we have Alexis (I mean Carole) to fill the third chair.
First, we have a very handsome young man… er I mean boy. If he is 16, I am 1205. He is very mature looking for his age. His voice is good and both ladies, especially Paula are all agog. (Dear Paula, Remember – you have gold records older than this boy, so no touchie, ‘kay? Thanks! Love, Aunt Pearl.)
Next we have a very happy and energetic gal who says she sounds like Shirley Caesar. My Hubby thinks that she said Little Caesar, which annoys My Kid, who frogs him on the arm. Did I mention that AI is our quality family time?? At any rate, the Happy Gal sings “Dancing in the Street” and does pretty good. You can tell the judges do not want to put her through and are reaching for any excuse to evict. She sings a slower song and does not do as well. Bless her heart, she is sad now and I get a little teary eyed myself as I wonder if I have maybe switched to The Montel Show by mistake?
Now we have one of the Worst Singers of All Time. Gal comes in and admits that she is howling dog bad but is angry and lectures the judges. It is a true WTH??? Moment, ladies and gentleman. Or maybe it is yet another As the World Turns audition? They accuse her of just using the show to get on TV. Crazy girl goes out and literally starts screaming at the camera and even accuses the judges of going on a drinking binge the night before. (Our judges? Nooooo, say it ain’t so.)
Come to think of it, Paula is sipping from that cup very very hard tonight. And getting less coherent as the evening progresses. I think TIIC are sipping from Paula’s cup too, for what else would explain the 47 year old that is up next?? He sings “New Yor New Yor” and no that is not a typo.
Oh goody, it’s Brag-o-gal who talks about being from Canada and she is so great and she has met many important people, even the queen. So she is not afraid of Simon, thank you very much. She sings some song I have never heard of. I was halfway hoping that she would suck, but she is fantastic darn it. Simon says “Why can’t they all be like that?” Welllll… if they were, we would have about 30 zillion less viewers, methinks.
Next is a sorta cute blonde gal who compares herself to Rocky cuz she has been working out every day for a year to get This Body, which she proudly displays before the judges. She totally looks like she would fit right in with the Pussycat Dolls or some skank group like that. She sings okay, Paula says she is peculiar (!!) and she makes it through mainly because she promises hugs to all.
Commercials… previews from the Drew/Hugh movie look pretty good. My Kid likes Drew in the Charlie’s Angels movies but I digress.
So now we have tidbits of the judges massacring contestants’ names and I guess this is done for comic relief. You know, since it is not their goal to humiliate anyone right? Somehow this segues to a little guy who says that people mistake him for Simon. Or George Michael. Okaaaay. He sings in a very high pitched voice and I think that every glass in my house is broken now. Paula tries to tell the boy that he would be good at the cabaret stuff but she just can not form words. Simon tells him he needs stilettos and this ticks Paula off to the point that she goes totally off on him. This scene will be on YouTube before the night is over, guaranteed.
Next is a stuck-on-herself opera girl. Remember the Opera girl from last season? Nope, me neither. They let her sing three songs and for some reason pass her through to Ho’wood. She gets arrogant and mouthy and totally disses the south for having (count ‘em) ALL FIVE previous winners. Helllloooo little gone-by-next-round girl… there are no Yankee American Idols. Get over it.
Our boy Ryan is jamming out in the holding room. It’s a karamu-fiesta-forever-party, which of course leads to a montage of bad singing of “All Night Long.” Play on.
Now we have a cute guy from VA in Bermuda shorts who obviously did not watch last season. He is cute but there was no reason to have to explain the origins of “A Song for You.” The only person that I want to hear sing this song is Elliott, thanks. This guy is cuter so he makes it through. Randy says he looks and sounds a little like Justin Timberlake and Paula tosses her hair and says something and Simon says that we are going to be surprised by this guy in the next round.
It does not matter that the next round of folks are horrible because I am distracted by how awesome Alexis-Carole looks and can not help but wonder who her nip/tuck doc is; he did an excellent job. And she has great highlights, too. See, middle-age can be good! I tell myself.
So next is a guy who made it to Ho’wood last year but could not take the pressure and dropped out. I watched every micro-millisecond of last season and do not remember this guy at all. He sings pretty well and seems confident, so Editing-Floor guy makes it through again.
All night, they have been showing previews of a nut job gal in a cowboy hat who sounds like she is in the throes of well… you just have to watch and you will understand. Last year brought us the “Lil Kim” wannabe and this year’s Worst Ever contestant will surely be the “clairvoyant” gal with the guitar who tortured “Lady Marmalade.” Look for Isadora at the Golden Idols at season’s end.
Not a great way to end the show, so a few seconds of highlights from good folks that made it are shown as we hope that maybe (just maybe) we will get to see some more of the good ones soon. There were no stand-outs for me this ep, at least none that I want to know more about. Maybe the BFF#2 gal, but I do not remember her name.
Next week will be from the home state of Ruben, Bo, and Taylor – Alerbamer!
Welcome to Times Square and the City that Never Sleeps. Buzzing 24 hours a day and now with ~20,000 people waiting to audition for American Idol. Some of them are probably rude, heh.
The judges come waltzing in like divas. I think that Simon is faking those cell phone calls to avoid having to converse with anyone. And why is Joan Collins a guest judge?? Oh, it’s Carole Bayer Sager, a singer/songwriter from almost before my time. She looks very good for her age.
First up, a flaming Pee Wee Herman look-a-like who is comically awful. Since the show is two hours tonight (57 minutes minus commercials), they allow this clown to go on way too long on “Gloria.” The late great Laura Branigan would be appalled. Obviously this dude is a window-licker because security has to finally escort him out as he rants about British people. Moron.
Next up, a cute gal from Ohio who reminds me of Mandy Moore. She gets all weepy about her dad not supporting her and even cries in front of the judges. I try to feel some sympathy for the little gal but am too distracted by how darn much Carole looks like Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan! Anyways, the poor little gal makes it through on the pity vote and Ryan listens in as she calls her dad to break the news. (They are pimping that pink Cingular phone to the max.)
We are reminded that New York is the hometown of Constantine Mar-whatever-his-name-was. From the season of Bo that Carrie won. Whatever. What that has to do with the horrible Greek girl up next is anyone’s guess. My Kid says because Con was Greek too, so it all makes sense now.
Now we have a pretty black lady who has a nice weave going. I want hair like that. She sings one of the worst songs of all time, “Loving You” and I prepare for cringing at the high notes. She is not half bad, better than most that we are subjected to. The judges tell her she is old-fashioned and then a strange thing happens… Suddenly, instead of an AI audition, we have a try-out for One Life to Live. Even Ryan chimes in that “these are the days of our lives.” Unfortunately, the melodrama that she presents is better that the soaps that I watch. Drama Queen picks up her last shred of dignity and heads toward the door.
Shots of people sleeping and the judges yawning. To throw a little Girls Gone Wild into the show, two Best Friends Forever are shown frolicking on the beach and shopping and oooooh being oh so girly! They are both young and gorgeous which means that Paula has the “I hate your guts” look on her face. They are allowed to sing together, which they do horribly. BFF#2 is allowed to wait in the room while BFF#1 does her song.
BFF#1 has a “trained” voice and sings the country song “Crazy” in a Broadway voice. She makes it through, to the delight of her friend. So BFF#1 totally leaves BFF#2 in the room. Thanks for the support, Blondie. BFF#2 explains that she does not have a trained voice and does not feel as confident. Then a strange thing happens… BFF#2 blows them away with her fabulous voice. When the judges tell her that she is better than her friend, she shows support for the other girl in a very classy way. I like this chick.
Way too much time is wasted on a harmonica playing “Average Joe” who can’t sing worth a lick. Do not quit that bank day job; glad you love it. Uh, moving on please for the love of God and all that’s holy.
More guys crash and burn in a hideous fashion, including a guy in a freakin’ astronaut suit. Bubba, whut? Green haired dude and “It’s Pat!” only blond.
Finally a cute gal who looks 16 but is 27. She sings an old Aretha song great, has a husky tone to her voice. Great stage presence also and she cries when Simon compliments her. She says she always agrees with him… we will see how long that lasts once the Ho’wood rounds start. Her mini-breakdown reminds me of Paris last year. Awwww, the memories…
Moving on to this season… Ryan has some sexy stubble going on, with his itty bitty bad to the bone self. Day two of NY and Simon is a no-show. Thank goodness we have Alexis (I mean Carole) to fill the third chair.
First, we have a very handsome young man… er I mean boy. If he is 16, I am 1205. He is very mature looking for his age. His voice is good and both ladies, especially Paula are all agog. (Dear Paula, Remember – you have gold records older than this boy, so no touchie, ‘kay? Thanks! Love, Aunt Pearl.)
Next we have a very happy and energetic gal who says she sounds like Shirley Caesar. My Hubby thinks that she said Little Caesar, which annoys My Kid, who frogs him on the arm. Did I mention that AI is our quality family time?? At any rate, the Happy Gal sings “Dancing in the Street” and does pretty good. You can tell the judges do not want to put her through and are reaching for any excuse to evict. She sings a slower song and does not do as well. Bless her heart, she is sad now and I get a little teary eyed myself as I wonder if I have maybe switched to The Montel Show by mistake?
Now we have one of the Worst Singers of All Time. Gal comes in and admits that she is howling dog bad but is angry and lectures the judges. It is a true WTH??? Moment, ladies and gentleman. Or maybe it is yet another As the World Turns audition? They accuse her of just using the show to get on TV. Crazy girl goes out and literally starts screaming at the camera and even accuses the judges of going on a drinking binge the night before. (Our judges? Nooooo, say it ain’t so.)
Come to think of it, Paula is sipping from that cup very very hard tonight. And getting less coherent as the evening progresses. I think TIIC are sipping from Paula’s cup too, for what else would explain the 47 year old that is up next?? He sings “New Yor New Yor” and no that is not a typo.
Oh goody, it’s Brag-o-gal who talks about being from Canada and she is so great and she has met many important people, even the queen. So she is not afraid of Simon, thank you very much. She sings some song I have never heard of. I was halfway hoping that she would suck, but she is fantastic darn it. Simon says “Why can’t they all be like that?” Welllll… if they were, we would have about 30 zillion less viewers, methinks.
Next is a sorta cute blonde gal who compares herself to Rocky cuz she has been working out every day for a year to get This Body, which she proudly displays before the judges. She totally looks like she would fit right in with the Pussycat Dolls or some skank group like that. She sings okay, Paula says she is peculiar (!!) and she makes it through mainly because she promises hugs to all.
Commercials… previews from the Drew/Hugh movie look pretty good. My Kid likes Drew in the Charlie’s Angels movies but I digress.
So now we have tidbits of the judges massacring contestants’ names and I guess this is done for comic relief. You know, since it is not their goal to humiliate anyone right? Somehow this segues to a little guy who says that people mistake him for Simon. Or George Michael. Okaaaay. He sings in a very high pitched voice and I think that every glass in my house is broken now. Paula tries to tell the boy that he would be good at the cabaret stuff but she just can not form words. Simon tells him he needs stilettos and this ticks Paula off to the point that she goes totally off on him. This scene will be on YouTube before the night is over, guaranteed.
Next is a stuck-on-herself opera girl. Remember the Opera girl from last season? Nope, me neither. They let her sing three songs and for some reason pass her through to Ho’wood. She gets arrogant and mouthy and totally disses the south for having (count ‘em) ALL FIVE previous winners. Helllloooo little gone-by-next-round girl… there are no Yankee American Idols. Get over it.
Our boy Ryan is jamming out in the holding room. It’s a karamu-fiesta-forever-party, which of course leads to a montage of bad singing of “All Night Long.” Play on.
Now we have a cute guy from VA in Bermuda shorts who obviously did not watch last season. He is cute but there was no reason to have to explain the origins of “A Song for You.” The only person that I want to hear sing this song is Elliott, thanks. This guy is cuter so he makes it through. Randy says he looks and sounds a little like Justin Timberlake and Paula tosses her hair and says something and Simon says that we are going to be surprised by this guy in the next round.
It does not matter that the next round of folks are horrible because I am distracted by how awesome Alexis-Carole looks and can not help but wonder who her nip/tuck doc is; he did an excellent job. And she has great highlights, too. See, middle-age can be good! I tell myself.
So next is a guy who made it to Ho’wood last year but could not take the pressure and dropped out. I watched every micro-millisecond of last season and do not remember this guy at all. He sings pretty well and seems confident, so Editing-Floor guy makes it through again.
All night, they have been showing previews of a nut job gal in a cowboy hat who sounds like she is in the throes of well… you just have to watch and you will understand. Last year brought us the “Lil Kim” wannabe and this year’s Worst Ever contestant will surely be the “clairvoyant” gal with the guitar who tortured “Lady Marmalade.” Look for Isadora at the Golden Idols at season’s end.
Not a great way to end the show, so a few seconds of highlights from good folks that made it are shown as we hope that maybe (just maybe) we will get to see some more of the good ones soon. There were no stand-outs for me this ep, at least none that I want to know more about. Maybe the BFF#2 gal, but I do not remember her name.
Next week will be from the home state of Ruben, Bo, and Taylor – Alerbamer!
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