January 17, 2007
Guess what? It rains a lot in Seattle. More news from the file marked “DUH.” Also from the highlights coming up, the gene pool could use a little chlorine, dude.
No guest judge tonight, which means that Paula doesn’t have to have her butt on her shoulders for two solid hours. SNNNAP. This is a good thing.
Yesterday I heard an interview on the radio with an American Idol reject. Now this is just hearsay and I am not saying I believe this… but it’s my blog and I will gossip if I want to. This chick said that the mini-producers actually tell the horrible singers that they are GOOD. Allegedly, they build up their egos and encourage them and tell them that the judges will like them. Then, when the unsuspecting talentless folks get in front of the judges, they are appalled to learn that they actually suck. The air is let out of the proverbial balloon. If this is true, it is quiet inhumane and makes me kinda turn against this show...
But oh well, back to Seattle! Another dumb guy in a costume, dressed as Uncle Sam or some such. Omigod, it’s the “I Shot the Sheriff” guy from last season and this cop is even worse this year than last.
Next a gal who says that she is called The Hotness. She is a classic example of “wish I could buy you for what you are worth and sell you for what you THINK you are worth.” She can’t accept the fact that she is bad and way too much time is spent on this Brenna/Mikalah diva-lite. She keeps screeching even after the judges literally yell at her to stop. The quote of the night from the Hotness to Simon: “What’choo know about music?... He probably listens to that back country Englishman sheep stuff!” Too Funny.
Now we see a few quick takes of baddies, then an interview with a lady who rants about hubby not supporting her blah blah blah. Not sure why TIIC wastes so much time on these weepers when it’s evident that they are certifiable. This chick can’t sing to save her life and hope to God she goes home to her son and stays there.
Another quickie of bad singers, one of them who looks like a pre-stick-figure Nicole Ritchie. Finally, we have Darwin – she looks and sounds like MTV’s Daria all grown up. Man, those puppies are swinging, may we introduce you to Playtex?? Her mom comes in and there is much fodder about the novella they wrote about an AI-like show and it is such a waste of time for all. Darwin’s singing has not evolved into human form yet; it’s bad bad bad and goes on long long long.
Commercials, ergh … oooh previews of Dream Girls starring Golden Globe winner Jennifer Hudson, thank you very much.
More rain and dorky contestants raining tears. Oh no they are not playing “Blame it on the Rain” by those infamous lip sync'ers?? Yep. This is Idol, people; they make their own rules.
Okay finally someone pretty good. Afro Guy sings okay even though he is kinda arrogant. His jeans look like they have been buried in a field, dug back up, then shredded. Which means they are “in style.” Third time is the charm for this guy; he makes it through.
Next is a self-admitted “loud” gal who is wearing pink tights on her legs and arms, for no particular reason at all. Simon says she looks sunburned. Her outfit is weird and it gets weirder when she sings the “I like big butts and I can not lie” song as a prelude. Her audition song starts off okay but she totally loses it at the end. Ryan holds her doggie as they both listen outside the door.
Then we have a “beatbox” champion, whatever that is. He has sticky-uppy hair and looks like Ryan’s long lost little brother. He beatboxes and I can only take about a minute of that stuff before my head explodes. He does the Seal song “Crazy” and he’s pretty good even though I like the Alanis version better but I digress. Simon tells beatbox guy that he is not as good as he thinks he is but after much judge banter, they put him through. Proud dad moment ensues. You won’t get that on Spike TV.
The weirdos are out in full force, including a gal who sounds like she is vomiting. It’s very disturbing and now a Latino Michael Jackson is up. Nah. Some of these are allowed to go on way too long and it’s just filler to lead up to Simon complaining that the Seattle folks just ain’t no good.
Finally, an Indian brother/sister team, both very gorgeous and making fun banter with Ryan. The sister is rather aloof but the boy seems very sweet. The girl goes first and she has a very good voice but for some reason gets just a “eh okay” from the judges. Maybe because only Fantasia should only ever sing “Summertime” again. Anywho, she makes it through.
The brother is up next and he is absolutely adorable with a big beautiful smile and My Kid is googly-eyed. He says that he thinks his sister is a better singer but the judges say he is better after they hear him sing “Signed Sealed Delivered” with perfection. Later, the Sweetie Pie brother does not rat out the judges when Ryan asks him who they said was the better singer. My Kid is like awwww.
Next is a computer nerd whose “friends” talked him into trying out for AI. It is very distressing how even genius level people can be deviously tricked by TIIC. He is bad, it is embarrassing and he needs to get new friends.
Now we have a hit man-looking dude who looks like he works for Sonny Corinthos on General Hospital. He sings great; does a fantastic job on “Open Arms.” Two out of three judges agree and we have bragging from Randy (natch!) about being in Journey. Not sure why Simon gave this guy such a quick no, but the others get him through.
The Daniel Powter song plays as highlights from Simon’s “Bad Day” roll by. Funny stuff as Ryan says that we have had enough of that song and they quickly jerk it. More madness and more craziness play across our TV screens. It seems that the morning paper headlines touting that Seattle Sucks has ticked off the entire city.
Next we have a BFF mockumentary between John Candy’s long lost brother and Frodo’s first cousin. It would be sweet if it wasn’t so very cheesy and obviously meant to set them up to look like fools. Great show I am addicted to, I mumble while kicking myself. Frodo is bad but mouths off at Simon which is always cool, but JC Jr. is actually better than expected. They walk away into the sunset together in a Hallmark movie-of-the-week moment.
Commercials… Oooh the next ep of Bones is gonna be crunk!
Again, we have a quick take of the bad... then it’s “When Crazy Hairdressers Attack.” This guy thinks that he is the next Taylor because he has gray hair. My miniature schnauzer has gray hair, too. Heh. This guy is terrible and won’t stop until security finally has to throw his certifiable butt out of the audition room. Way too much time wasted on this guy.
Poor Ryan has flashbacks of people dissing him about being short, which leads us to the 6’7 lady, wow. She is lovely and her singing gets her through but it is mainly the novelty factor. Then it's more shattered dreams and tears and truck-driver language until finally…
We have a gorgeous 16 year-old gal. Now I do not believe that kids should audition for this show; they should be going to school dances and whatnot. But I gotta say that this gal is fabulous on a Celine Dion song. Paula and Ryan make fun of Simon because he does not recognize the name of the gal’s famous football player dad. Dude, don’t feel bad cuz I didn’t either. So Simon is like, hmmp and he pronounces that her performance was too sweet. She just smiles beautifully and could be a movie star Right Now. Doesn’t Veronica Mars’ pal Wallace need a girlfriend? Come on CW execs; check out this gal – her name is Jordin.
Now they have forced upon us a montage of horrible singers doing the “Don’t Cha” song even worse than the Pussycat Dolls do it.
Lastly, it’s a guy who is called Big Red because well… he has red hair and red beard and he is scary looking. His performance is just creepy and weird and ends the show on a sour note, pardon the pun.
So Seattle brought My Kid’s fave so far – the Indian brother, Sanjaya. His sister Shyamali is good too. My favorite is Jordin; we will see her in the Top Ten for sure.
Gotta wait six more days to find out what’s next …
Guess what? It rains a lot in Seattle. More news from the file marked “DUH.” Also from the highlights coming up, the gene pool could use a little chlorine, dude.
No guest judge tonight, which means that Paula doesn’t have to have her butt on her shoulders for two solid hours. SNNNAP. This is a good thing.
Yesterday I heard an interview on the radio with an American Idol reject. Now this is just hearsay and I am not saying I believe this… but it’s my blog and I will gossip if I want to. This chick said that the mini-producers actually tell the horrible singers that they are GOOD. Allegedly, they build up their egos and encourage them and tell them that the judges will like them. Then, when the unsuspecting talentless folks get in front of the judges, they are appalled to learn that they actually suck. The air is let out of the proverbial balloon. If this is true, it is quiet inhumane and makes me kinda turn against this show...
But oh well, back to Seattle! Another dumb guy in a costume, dressed as Uncle Sam or some such. Omigod, it’s the “I Shot the Sheriff” guy from last season and this cop is even worse this year than last.
Next a gal who says that she is called The Hotness. She is a classic example of “wish I could buy you for what you are worth and sell you for what you THINK you are worth.” She can’t accept the fact that she is bad and way too much time is spent on this Brenna/Mikalah diva-lite. She keeps screeching even after the judges literally yell at her to stop. The quote of the night from the Hotness to Simon: “What’choo know about music?... He probably listens to that back country Englishman sheep stuff!” Too Funny.
Now we see a few quick takes of baddies, then an interview with a lady who rants about hubby not supporting her blah blah blah. Not sure why TIIC wastes so much time on these weepers when it’s evident that they are certifiable. This chick can’t sing to save her life and hope to God she goes home to her son and stays there.
Another quickie of bad singers, one of them who looks like a pre-stick-figure Nicole Ritchie. Finally, we have Darwin – she looks and sounds like MTV’s Daria all grown up. Man, those puppies are swinging, may we introduce you to Playtex?? Her mom comes in and there is much fodder about the novella they wrote about an AI-like show and it is such a waste of time for all. Darwin’s singing has not evolved into human form yet; it’s bad bad bad and goes on long long long.
Commercials, ergh … oooh previews of Dream Girls starring Golden Globe winner Jennifer Hudson, thank you very much.
More rain and dorky contestants raining tears. Oh no they are not playing “Blame it on the Rain” by those infamous lip sync'ers?? Yep. This is Idol, people; they make their own rules.
Okay finally someone pretty good. Afro Guy sings okay even though he is kinda arrogant. His jeans look like they have been buried in a field, dug back up, then shredded. Which means they are “in style.” Third time is the charm for this guy; he makes it through.
Next is a self-admitted “loud” gal who is wearing pink tights on her legs and arms, for no particular reason at all. Simon says she looks sunburned. Her outfit is weird and it gets weirder when she sings the “I like big butts and I can not lie” song as a prelude. Her audition song starts off okay but she totally loses it at the end. Ryan holds her doggie as they both listen outside the door.
Then we have a “beatbox” champion, whatever that is. He has sticky-uppy hair and looks like Ryan’s long lost little brother. He beatboxes and I can only take about a minute of that stuff before my head explodes. He does the Seal song “Crazy” and he’s pretty good even though I like the Alanis version better but I digress. Simon tells beatbox guy that he is not as good as he thinks he is but after much judge banter, they put him through. Proud dad moment ensues. You won’t get that on Spike TV.
The weirdos are out in full force, including a gal who sounds like she is vomiting. It’s very disturbing and now a Latino Michael Jackson is up. Nah. Some of these are allowed to go on way too long and it’s just filler to lead up to Simon complaining that the Seattle folks just ain’t no good.
Finally, an Indian brother/sister team, both very gorgeous and making fun banter with Ryan. The sister is rather aloof but the boy seems very sweet. The girl goes first and she has a very good voice but for some reason gets just a “eh okay” from the judges. Maybe because only Fantasia should only ever sing “Summertime” again. Anywho, she makes it through.
The brother is up next and he is absolutely adorable with a big beautiful smile and My Kid is googly-eyed. He says that he thinks his sister is a better singer but the judges say he is better after they hear him sing “Signed Sealed Delivered” with perfection. Later, the Sweetie Pie brother does not rat out the judges when Ryan asks him who they said was the better singer. My Kid is like awwww.
Next is a computer nerd whose “friends” talked him into trying out for AI. It is very distressing how even genius level people can be deviously tricked by TIIC. He is bad, it is embarrassing and he needs to get new friends.
Now we have a hit man-looking dude who looks like he works for Sonny Corinthos on General Hospital. He sings great; does a fantastic job on “Open Arms.” Two out of three judges agree and we have bragging from Randy (natch!) about being in Journey. Not sure why Simon gave this guy such a quick no, but the others get him through.
The Daniel Powter song plays as highlights from Simon’s “Bad Day” roll by. Funny stuff as Ryan says that we have had enough of that song and they quickly jerk it. More madness and more craziness play across our TV screens. It seems that the morning paper headlines touting that Seattle Sucks has ticked off the entire city.
Next we have a BFF mockumentary between John Candy’s long lost brother and Frodo’s first cousin. It would be sweet if it wasn’t so very cheesy and obviously meant to set them up to look like fools. Great show I am addicted to, I mumble while kicking myself. Frodo is bad but mouths off at Simon which is always cool, but JC Jr. is actually better than expected. They walk away into the sunset together in a Hallmark movie-of-the-week moment.
Commercials… Oooh the next ep of Bones is gonna be crunk!
Again, we have a quick take of the bad... then it’s “When Crazy Hairdressers Attack.” This guy thinks that he is the next Taylor because he has gray hair. My miniature schnauzer has gray hair, too. Heh. This guy is terrible and won’t stop until security finally has to throw his certifiable butt out of the audition room. Way too much time wasted on this guy.
Poor Ryan has flashbacks of people dissing him about being short, which leads us to the 6’7 lady, wow. She is lovely and her singing gets her through but it is mainly the novelty factor. Then it's more shattered dreams and tears and truck-driver language until finally…
We have a gorgeous 16 year-old gal. Now I do not believe that kids should audition for this show; they should be going to school dances and whatnot. But I gotta say that this gal is fabulous on a Celine Dion song. Paula and Ryan make fun of Simon because he does not recognize the name of the gal’s famous football player dad. Dude, don’t feel bad cuz I didn’t either. So Simon is like, hmmp and he pronounces that her performance was too sweet. She just smiles beautifully and could be a movie star Right Now. Doesn’t Veronica Mars’ pal Wallace need a girlfriend? Come on CW execs; check out this gal – her name is Jordin.
Now they have forced upon us a montage of horrible singers doing the “Don’t Cha” song even worse than the Pussycat Dolls do it.
Lastly, it’s a guy who is called Big Red because well… he has red hair and red beard and he is scary looking. His performance is just creepy and weird and ends the show on a sour note, pardon the pun.
So Seattle brought My Kid’s fave so far – the Indian brother, Sanjaya. His sister Shyamali is good too. My favorite is Jordin; we will see her in the Top Ten for sure.
Gotta wait six more days to find out what’s next …
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