January 16, 2007
They’re baaaaack! I hear the theme music and am already smiling. My Hubby, My Kid, and I are gathered ‘round the TV. It’s a good time…
First, the pre-requisite flashback to last year to remind us that Taylor Hicks took the crown. Also some braggin’ rights to previous Idol winners who have gone on to great success. “We knew them when” kinda moments.
I think they chose Minneapolis, the birthplace of Prince, as an excuse to show a clip of last year’s finale with all its glory. That final ep was really good (Ryan calls it “legendary”) but when Prince showed up it escalated into greatness. Speaking of Prince… he was the highlight of Sunday night’s Golden Globes Awards. Justin Timberlake presented the best original song award which Prince won. Justin called his name and then several awkward moments later, all of America realized that Prince ain’t in the house y’all. So Justin scrunched down at the mic (to indicate a shorter person) and said that he would like to accept this award on Prince’s behalf. That was So Funny. Of course, Prince showed up later and was able to take a bow. He had been caught in traffic or some such. I didn’t think every day annoyances happened to the rich and famous? Hmmm.
Well, on to things AI! Our fab four are all back, for it would not be the same at all without them. Tonight we have Jewel as a special guest judge. My Kid and I like Jewel okay, nothing fawn-over-worthy though. Our favorite Jewel song is from the CD This Way called “Love Me, Just Leave Me Alone.” It wins the weirdest lyrics ever award; check this: “Your mother was a wolf bite, your daddy was a cigarette. Your brother was a rosebud crossbreed with a car wreck. Your sister was a stockbroker, but you ain't nothing but a turtleneck.” Do whut Bubba?? Oh well, moving on…
As we all know, the success off such shows as Jerry Springer and The View (snnnnap!) has proven that America likes really really bad stuff. So we are going to be in for some train wrecks tonight, people.
First up, a cute blonde gal who is a make-up artist at the mall. She has the heavy duty Fargo accent going on. She raves about doing a Jewel song and is tickled to find out that the lady herself is a guest judge. Unfortunately, the chick can’t sing the Jewel song that she has picked out, the one about pancakes or some such. Jewel is like … Help Me. The cosmetician is devastated when the judges tell her to stick to make-up and it gets very undignified with lots of tears.
Next is a self-described “urban Amish” guy and there is no Elliott-ness there. Really bad, then three more quick takes of stinkers. Leading up to a little black guy who thinks he can hit notes better than Mariah Carey. He is really bad and for some reason you can hear the crowd outside the closed door of the audition room. It is distracting (to me at least.) Little guy wants some water and actually leaves. Leaves the room, leaves. Unfortunately the water does not help and he can’t take the rejection. He comes out all playa hatin.’
Paula looks extremely bored or maybe stoned or perhaps ticked that she is having to share the spotlight with another female judge. No worries, Jewel will be off to co-host that Nashville show soon.
Next up, a guy who might look like Apollo Creed if the Rocky opponent had weird looking cheekbones. Last year it was all about the crazy costumes; here's to hoping that fad has passed.
Finally, we get to a good one. Little gal explains that she was born a crack baby, but don’t feel sorry for her – she has a gift. She makes cute with Ryan before coming in before the judges. She does well on an old Jennifer Holliday song. Judges put her through to the delight of the posse waiting outside and there are good times coming for this little gal. Good for her!
Next is a “mockumentary” segment called American Idol Appeal – “forgetting your words and really screwing up.” Perky gal with a man’s tie forgets the words to Kiss and it goes on waaaaay too long.
Then a pretty ex-homeless gal who flirts with Ryan. She is from Something, Somewhere in Latin America. She tries to sing “Call Me” by Blondie and it’s just wrong. Randy asks her to do a few lines of that stupid “hips” songs by Whats-her-face who was a guest on the show last year… Paprika or something like that. My Kid says it’s SHAKIRA! Whatever. Anyways, the gal does the hips with infectious spunk and enthusiasm and squeaks by on sex appeal. (Becky O’Donahue much?)
They show fast clips of a buncha guys that didn’t make it. Then wannabe cowboy guy comes in and the drone of his voice during the interview puts me to sleep. His singing is so howling dog bad that I wake up terrified.
Navy Guy is up next. He won his ship’s version of Idol and seems very sweet. His montage is of course set to “Danger Zone” from the Top Gun movie. He sings a country song that Carrie sang in her finale and he does well with it. It would be considered an act of terrorism not to put this guy through.
So Ryan says the Midwest has turned into the “Mid Worst.” Funny guy that Ryan. To prove his statement, next up we have the Cowardly Lion girl. There are just no words to describe it so I will not even try. Then it’s a vocal coach, people! He is rather full of himself as he tortures the Aerosmith song from the Bruce Willis movie. Randy lashes out that he would never ever recommend this guy as a vocal coach. Go Randy with your bad self.
Commercials… Oooh the Principal from season seven of Buffy is on 24 now. Cool.
Next, pretty blonde gal who sings a country song. Jewel asks the duh question “so you like country music?” Would have been funny if the blonde gal said, “No actually, hate it but it worked for Carrie and that Pickler girl so what the heck??” Simon says that she is confident without being precocious but I don’t think she understood what that meant. At any rate, she is on to Ho’wood.
Now they are showing folks who quit their day jobs in order to try out for AI. This segues us to a pretty black gal whose boss flew her to the Minneapolis audition. It would be totally icky except for the fact that the gal’s sister is also there as well as the boss’s wife. The gal proceeds to massacre a Chaka Kahn song. Creepiness ensues when the boss guy comes out and she sings much better in front of him. Something about the boss guy reminds me of Joey Buttafucco.
Next is a teen boy who laments that his family is not there to support him. He bellows “California Dreaming” and is pretty good and makes it through. Lifetime Movie Network moment when he calls his mom and she screams over the phone. Couldn’t tell if it was a happy scream or not.
Then there is a cute gal who works at her parents’ body shop. Montage of her husband being overseas and her joining the army reserves. She auditions in full camo and thankfully does well because she is perky and adorable. And it is against the law to reject military folks from the contest. Just saying.
Now we have a college girl who is gorgeous and knows it and before you can say “Felicity called; she wants her hairdo back” the gal has made it through to Ho’wood. She sings Kat’s “rainbow” song because gee we haven’t heard that song enough.
Being interviewed is Ozzy Osborne in drag, who talks non stop about being an AI junkie. And now auditioning, it’s a Forrest Gump-like boy who can’t sing or dance but can juggle okay. The judges fake-politely try to encourage him to go on Simon’s other show, the one that Regis hosted last year. The boy ain’t taking the criticism though, and comes out spewing sailor language. His mom pats his back and enables his insanity, presenting us with yet another Springer moment.
Most comical scene of the night is the Ozzy gal’s horrified look as she watches the Juggling boy’s tirade. My Hubby had to rewind that on DVR like eight times, laughing all the way. Great comedy, this American Idol. Number one show in the country for a reason ya know?
Of course, Ozzy girl is so bad that to call her a howling dog is an insult to canines everywhere. My dogs look at me as if to say, “Dude. Please.”
Thank goodness, commercials… Darn. House doesn’t come back on for like ever. His speech at the Golden Globes? FUNNY.
So next is a montage of Prince’s “Kiss” assault with deadly voices. Most of these folks we have already seen. As we have all read on the internet, these performances are NOT done in front of the judges but for mini-producers and then sliced and diced together for comic relief.
Comic relief is needed for the rocker dude whose dad wants him to be a goalie. I am not sure what that means, I think it is sports related. My Kid thinks this guy is hot, especially when he says Chris is his influence. His voice is very ragged edge which is how “real” rock singers are (per My Kid.) The boy is appalled that the judges don’t think his voice is real. Simon tells him to go learn an ABBA song and come back in fifteen minutes. Which he dramatically does and it makes for good TV. Unfortunately, he kicks “Dancing Queen” in the teeth and does not make it. The judges laugh at him for being one-dimensional (????) and after begging and other indignities, they tell him to stick with his band.
Simon kisses the other three good-bye and they are finally mercifully outta Minneapolis. Previews for tomorrow show even worse stuff coming ahead so hold on...
So from Minneapolis, my fave was the crack baby gal, Denise. She has a good voice, unique sense of style and the confidence to make it.
‘Til tomorrow! And don’t forget - “OTHER DOOR!”
They’re baaaaack! I hear the theme music and am already smiling. My Hubby, My Kid, and I are gathered ‘round the TV. It’s a good time…
First, the pre-requisite flashback to last year to remind us that Taylor Hicks took the crown. Also some braggin’ rights to previous Idol winners who have gone on to great success. “We knew them when” kinda moments.
I think they chose Minneapolis, the birthplace of Prince, as an excuse to show a clip of last year’s finale with all its glory. That final ep was really good (Ryan calls it “legendary”) but when Prince showed up it escalated into greatness. Speaking of Prince… he was the highlight of Sunday night’s Golden Globes Awards. Justin Timberlake presented the best original song award which Prince won. Justin called his name and then several awkward moments later, all of America realized that Prince ain’t in the house y’all. So Justin scrunched down at the mic (to indicate a shorter person) and said that he would like to accept this award on Prince’s behalf. That was So Funny. Of course, Prince showed up later and was able to take a bow. He had been caught in traffic or some such. I didn’t think every day annoyances happened to the rich and famous? Hmmm.
Well, on to things AI! Our fab four are all back, for it would not be the same at all without them. Tonight we have Jewel as a special guest judge. My Kid and I like Jewel okay, nothing fawn-over-worthy though. Our favorite Jewel song is from the CD This Way called “Love Me, Just Leave Me Alone.” It wins the weirdest lyrics ever award; check this: “Your mother was a wolf bite, your daddy was a cigarette. Your brother was a rosebud crossbreed with a car wreck. Your sister was a stockbroker, but you ain't nothing but a turtleneck.” Do whut Bubba?? Oh well, moving on…
As we all know, the success off such shows as Jerry Springer and The View (snnnnap!) has proven that America likes really really bad stuff. So we are going to be in for some train wrecks tonight, people.
First up, a cute blonde gal who is a make-up artist at the mall. She has the heavy duty Fargo accent going on. She raves about doing a Jewel song and is tickled to find out that the lady herself is a guest judge. Unfortunately, the chick can’t sing the Jewel song that she has picked out, the one about pancakes or some such. Jewel is like … Help Me. The cosmetician is devastated when the judges tell her to stick to make-up and it gets very undignified with lots of tears.
Next is a self-described “urban Amish” guy and there is no Elliott-ness there. Really bad, then three more quick takes of stinkers. Leading up to a little black guy who thinks he can hit notes better than Mariah Carey. He is really bad and for some reason you can hear the crowd outside the closed door of the audition room. It is distracting (to me at least.) Little guy wants some water and actually leaves. Leaves the room, leaves. Unfortunately the water does not help and he can’t take the rejection. He comes out all playa hatin.’
Paula looks extremely bored or maybe stoned or perhaps ticked that she is having to share the spotlight with another female judge. No worries, Jewel will be off to co-host that Nashville show soon.
Next up, a guy who might look like Apollo Creed if the Rocky opponent had weird looking cheekbones. Last year it was all about the crazy costumes; here's to hoping that fad has passed.
Finally, we get to a good one. Little gal explains that she was born a crack baby, but don’t feel sorry for her – she has a gift. She makes cute with Ryan before coming in before the judges. She does well on an old Jennifer Holliday song. Judges put her through to the delight of the posse waiting outside and there are good times coming for this little gal. Good for her!
Next is a “mockumentary” segment called American Idol Appeal – “forgetting your words and really screwing up.” Perky gal with a man’s tie forgets the words to Kiss and it goes on waaaaay too long.
Then a pretty ex-homeless gal who flirts with Ryan. She is from Something, Somewhere in Latin America. She tries to sing “Call Me” by Blondie and it’s just wrong. Randy asks her to do a few lines of that stupid “hips” songs by Whats-her-face who was a guest on the show last year… Paprika or something like that. My Kid says it’s SHAKIRA! Whatever. Anyways, the gal does the hips with infectious spunk and enthusiasm and squeaks by on sex appeal. (Becky O’Donahue much?)
They show fast clips of a buncha guys that didn’t make it. Then wannabe cowboy guy comes in and the drone of his voice during the interview puts me to sleep. His singing is so howling dog bad that I wake up terrified.
Navy Guy is up next. He won his ship’s version of Idol and seems very sweet. His montage is of course set to “Danger Zone” from the Top Gun movie. He sings a country song that Carrie sang in her finale and he does well with it. It would be considered an act of terrorism not to put this guy through.
So Ryan says the Midwest has turned into the “Mid Worst.” Funny guy that Ryan. To prove his statement, next up we have the Cowardly Lion girl. There are just no words to describe it so I will not even try. Then it’s a vocal coach, people! He is rather full of himself as he tortures the Aerosmith song from the Bruce Willis movie. Randy lashes out that he would never ever recommend this guy as a vocal coach. Go Randy with your bad self.
Commercials… Oooh the Principal from season seven of Buffy is on 24 now. Cool.
Next, pretty blonde gal who sings a country song. Jewel asks the duh question “so you like country music?” Would have been funny if the blonde gal said, “No actually, hate it but it worked for Carrie and that Pickler girl so what the heck??” Simon says that she is confident without being precocious but I don’t think she understood what that meant. At any rate, she is on to Ho’wood.
Now they are showing folks who quit their day jobs in order to try out for AI. This segues us to a pretty black gal whose boss flew her to the Minneapolis audition. It would be totally icky except for the fact that the gal’s sister is also there as well as the boss’s wife. The gal proceeds to massacre a Chaka Kahn song. Creepiness ensues when the boss guy comes out and she sings much better in front of him. Something about the boss guy reminds me of Joey Buttafucco.
Next is a teen boy who laments that his family is not there to support him. He bellows “California Dreaming” and is pretty good and makes it through. Lifetime Movie Network moment when he calls his mom and she screams over the phone. Couldn’t tell if it was a happy scream or not.
Then there is a cute gal who works at her parents’ body shop. Montage of her husband being overseas and her joining the army reserves. She auditions in full camo and thankfully does well because she is perky and adorable. And it is against the law to reject military folks from the contest. Just saying.
Now we have a college girl who is gorgeous and knows it and before you can say “Felicity called; she wants her hairdo back” the gal has made it through to Ho’wood. She sings Kat’s “rainbow” song because gee we haven’t heard that song enough.
Being interviewed is Ozzy Osborne in drag, who talks non stop about being an AI junkie. And now auditioning, it’s a Forrest Gump-like boy who can’t sing or dance but can juggle okay. The judges fake-politely try to encourage him to go on Simon’s other show, the one that Regis hosted last year. The boy ain’t taking the criticism though, and comes out spewing sailor language. His mom pats his back and enables his insanity, presenting us with yet another Springer moment.
Most comical scene of the night is the Ozzy gal’s horrified look as she watches the Juggling boy’s tirade. My Hubby had to rewind that on DVR like eight times, laughing all the way. Great comedy, this American Idol. Number one show in the country for a reason ya know?
Of course, Ozzy girl is so bad that to call her a howling dog is an insult to canines everywhere. My dogs look at me as if to say, “Dude. Please.”
Thank goodness, commercials… Darn. House doesn’t come back on for like ever. His speech at the Golden Globes? FUNNY.
So next is a montage of Prince’s “Kiss” assault with deadly voices. Most of these folks we have already seen. As we have all read on the internet, these performances are NOT done in front of the judges but for mini-producers and then sliced and diced together for comic relief.
Comic relief is needed for the rocker dude whose dad wants him to be a goalie. I am not sure what that means, I think it is sports related. My Kid thinks this guy is hot, especially when he says Chris is his influence. His voice is very ragged edge which is how “real” rock singers are (per My Kid.) The boy is appalled that the judges don’t think his voice is real. Simon tells him to go learn an ABBA song and come back in fifteen minutes. Which he dramatically does and it makes for good TV. Unfortunately, he kicks “Dancing Queen” in the teeth and does not make it. The judges laugh at him for being one-dimensional (????) and after begging and other indignities, they tell him to stick with his band.
Simon kisses the other three good-bye and they are finally mercifully outta Minneapolis. Previews for tomorrow show even worse stuff coming ahead so hold on...
So from Minneapolis, my fave was the crack baby gal, Denise. She has a good voice, unique sense of style and the confidence to make it.
‘Til tomorrow! And don’t forget - “OTHER DOOR!”
No comments:
Post a Comment