January 30, 2007
Finally! Some contestants that we can pick apart without those “politically correct” cry-babies getting their panties all in a wad… Bring out the Bubbas, folks – we are in the south now!
Being a southerner by birth AND by the grace of God, I am used to being teased by my friends who are of northern persuasion. I have the advantage though – this is MY turf and I ain’t the one that tawks funny, know whadda mean, Vern? Like the late, great Lewis Grizzard said, “You don’t like it down here – Delta is ready when you are. They can have you in Clevelan’ by evenin’.” Man, I miss him but I digress.
Ryan reminds us for the zillioneth time that Alabama brought us Ruben, Taylor, and most importantly, Bo Bice. (I might have ad libbed that last part.) Simon is semi-impressed by the Welcome Wagon, or maybe he was being flip.
First up, a gorgeous blonde gal whose family waits outside the door. The family is absolutely thrilled with the girl’s performance, but the judges? Not so much. Simon says it was like a never-ending torture. They can not get this girl to STHU, and Paula actually loses her mind and gets a *bleep.*
Next, some tears and fears and at my house, My Hubby is still saying that the previous blonde gal wasn’t that bad and I am like, dude – rewind and listen with your eyes closed this time.
Another cute blonde gal with a Minnie Mouse speaking voice, but not in an adorable Paris Bennett way. She sounds fake, like a cartoon character, but hey – I am the last person to critique a speaking voice with my Elly May Clampett self. Her singing voice is surprisingly fantastic and for no apparent reason at all, Paula is now on her freakin’ knees. She is spewing sumthin sumthin about the gal being a newlywed. The gal is like “no no no” and brings her hubby in. I am glad she made it; we can expect more Drama Queen moments.
Commercials… has anyone noticed that the geeky guys on that Alltel commercial look like AI reject contestants? Heh.
Now up is a sophisticated little black gal who has a fantastic voice but presents more cockiness than the judges like to see in their contestants, thanks. She and her friends skip off into the sunset and it’s very fake-sweet.
Next, a heavyset lady massacres some song, I think by Whitney Houston. She sounds so bad that it’s hard to tell. The judges chuckle as my dogs look at me as if in pain. The lady says that she usually gets a standing ovation and Randy makes with the funny by replying, “When they stand up, do they exit?”
For some reason, contestants still perform Michael Jackson songs, including the next guy who sings “Rock With You.” Simon declares him to be very good while Paula surprisingly mumbles something about him being off key. At this point, she would not know a “key” if it reached out and knocked her up side the head.
Aw, it’s Big Bird. On American Idol, there is something for everyone! This lady is dressed in yellow feathers and says she is a “southern cooker.” Thank you so much crazy feather lady, for making Yankees all over the country nod their heads at the TV in confirmation that southerners are nuckin’ futs! It does not help that bird woman reveals that she is actually FIFTY years old.
So now we have some all too short clips of people who actually made it through. And oh gosh, Kellie Pickler is back… no wait, it is a clone of her. She is A) Blonde, perky, and cute. B) From NC and country-fried to the max. C) Has the sob story going on. D) Has a halfway decent voice and E) Has Simon’s nerves all in a bundle as he waivers from “spot on” to “I would have said no but…” Yeah right. Even Ryan is grinning, heh.
A South Carolina boy is next and remember this name, folks – Chris Sly. He is hilarious in the interview, explaining how people say he looks like Jack Osborne or Jack Black but he thinks he looks like Christina Aguilera. He is a hoot, nerdy and teddy-bear like. If this does not work out, the Last Comic Standing might be back on this summer. His voice is great on the Seal song from the Batman movie. Paula is coming out of the zombie zone and she LIKES this guy! I hope he makes it all the way, especially since he reminded us of the Knight Rider dude crying last year. (He wasn’t crying over Taylor winning, but cuz he knew he was going to have to judge that awful talent show that not even Regis could save. And yes, for the record, I watched that one too.)
Commercials… oooh, The Grudge 2 is out on DVD, a movie I will never ever watch because the first one scared me so bad that I was trying to crawl into My Kid’s lap at the movie theater. She can’t take me anywhere.
Day 2 and Paula is MIA due to a “family obligation” which is Ho’wood-speak for “too freakin’ hung-over to function.” No worries, though – TIIC has planted a rumor that is making the rounds - that Courtney Love will be replacing Paula soon. This is their way of letting Joe Public know that It Could Definitely Be Worse.
“Crystal Gayle” and her mom are interviewed next. They both have Rapunzel hair and it’s a novelty but the judges are not impressed with the overdone Josh Groban song. The gal can sing pretty well and her mom is proud and that is really all that matters.
Some more tidbits of southern manners as bad contestants say “thank you” for being told that they suck beyond the telling of it. And forty grazillion viewers realize that this show is kinda boring without the loopy Paulster.
Clips of family support are shown, including a cute little gal who brings her whole family and wants to prove once and for all that she can sing, y’all. She has a decent voice, way better than some of the clowns that have been put through (Crazy Dave, anyone?) They tell her she is not ready and now all the fam' is stuck with those pink T-shirts for no reason.
Ryan says that Randy and Simon are exhausted from all that excessive sitting around and doing nothing and alas, the talent pool seems to have gone dry. Another excuse to remind us that you-know-who times 3 is from 'Bama, so let’s get busy.
But wait… next up is a pretty lady who says she has an “excrodinary” voice. Randy does the Kid Rock impression from Joe Dirt, talking about Brandy. This Brandy axe-murders “Like a Virgin” and for some reason blames her complete lack of talent on the floor. Simon’s sarcasm goes “yawwwwww” over her head and now it’s playa hatin’ time. Kinda funny though when she calls Randy a “faker.”
Some shots of good folks that we did not get to see and filler fodder from Brandy being crazy. My God, girl - peace out. Then it’s finally mercifully over and yay, House is on next.
So Birmingham brought the funny Jack Osborne/Black guy – Chris Sly. LOVE him, hope he goes all the way.
‘Til tomorrow when they rock out from “Lost Angel-knees.”
Finally! Some contestants that we can pick apart without those “politically correct” cry-babies getting their panties all in a wad… Bring out the Bubbas, folks – we are in the south now!
Being a southerner by birth AND by the grace of God, I am used to being teased by my friends who are of northern persuasion. I have the advantage though – this is MY turf and I ain’t the one that tawks funny, know whadda mean, Vern? Like the late, great Lewis Grizzard said, “You don’t like it down here – Delta is ready when you are. They can have you in Clevelan’ by evenin’.” Man, I miss him but I digress.
Ryan reminds us for the zillioneth time that Alabama brought us Ruben, Taylor, and most importantly, Bo Bice. (I might have ad libbed that last part.) Simon is semi-impressed by the Welcome Wagon, or maybe he was being flip.
First up, a gorgeous blonde gal whose family waits outside the door. The family is absolutely thrilled with the girl’s performance, but the judges? Not so much. Simon says it was like a never-ending torture. They can not get this girl to STHU, and Paula actually loses her mind and gets a *bleep.*
Next, some tears and fears and at my house, My Hubby is still saying that the previous blonde gal wasn’t that bad and I am like, dude – rewind and listen with your eyes closed this time.
Another cute blonde gal with a Minnie Mouse speaking voice, but not in an adorable Paris Bennett way. She sounds fake, like a cartoon character, but hey – I am the last person to critique a speaking voice with my Elly May Clampett self. Her singing voice is surprisingly fantastic and for no apparent reason at all, Paula is now on her freakin’ knees. She is spewing sumthin sumthin about the gal being a newlywed. The gal is like “no no no” and brings her hubby in. I am glad she made it; we can expect more Drama Queen moments.
Commercials… has anyone noticed that the geeky guys on that Alltel commercial look like AI reject contestants? Heh.
Now up is a sophisticated little black gal who has a fantastic voice but presents more cockiness than the judges like to see in their contestants, thanks. She and her friends skip off into the sunset and it’s very fake-sweet.
Next, a heavyset lady massacres some song, I think by Whitney Houston. She sounds so bad that it’s hard to tell. The judges chuckle as my dogs look at me as if in pain. The lady says that she usually gets a standing ovation and Randy makes with the funny by replying, “When they stand up, do they exit?”
For some reason, contestants still perform Michael Jackson songs, including the next guy who sings “Rock With You.” Simon declares him to be very good while Paula surprisingly mumbles something about him being off key. At this point, she would not know a “key” if it reached out and knocked her up side the head.
Aw, it’s Big Bird. On American Idol, there is something for everyone! This lady is dressed in yellow feathers and says she is a “southern cooker.” Thank you so much crazy feather lady, for making Yankees all over the country nod their heads at the TV in confirmation that southerners are nuckin’ futs! It does not help that bird woman reveals that she is actually FIFTY years old.
So now we have some all too short clips of people who actually made it through. And oh gosh, Kellie Pickler is back… no wait, it is a clone of her. She is A) Blonde, perky, and cute. B) From NC and country-fried to the max. C) Has the sob story going on. D) Has a halfway decent voice and E) Has Simon’s nerves all in a bundle as he waivers from “spot on” to “I would have said no but…” Yeah right. Even Ryan is grinning, heh.
A South Carolina boy is next and remember this name, folks – Chris Sly. He is hilarious in the interview, explaining how people say he looks like Jack Osborne or Jack Black but he thinks he looks like Christina Aguilera. He is a hoot, nerdy and teddy-bear like. If this does not work out, the Last Comic Standing might be back on this summer. His voice is great on the Seal song from the Batman movie. Paula is coming out of the zombie zone and she LIKES this guy! I hope he makes it all the way, especially since he reminded us of the Knight Rider dude crying last year. (He wasn’t crying over Taylor winning, but cuz he knew he was going to have to judge that awful talent show that not even Regis could save. And yes, for the record, I watched that one too.)
Commercials… oooh, The Grudge 2 is out on DVD, a movie I will never ever watch because the first one scared me so bad that I was trying to crawl into My Kid’s lap at the movie theater. She can’t take me anywhere.
Day 2 and Paula is MIA due to a “family obligation” which is Ho’wood-speak for “too freakin’ hung-over to function.” No worries, though – TIIC has planted a rumor that is making the rounds - that Courtney Love will be replacing Paula soon. This is their way of letting Joe Public know that It Could Definitely Be Worse.
“Crystal Gayle” and her mom are interviewed next. They both have Rapunzel hair and it’s a novelty but the judges are not impressed with the overdone Josh Groban song. The gal can sing pretty well and her mom is proud and that is really all that matters.
Some more tidbits of southern manners as bad contestants say “thank you” for being told that they suck beyond the telling of it. And forty grazillion viewers realize that this show is kinda boring without the loopy Paulster.
Clips of family support are shown, including a cute little gal who brings her whole family and wants to prove once and for all that she can sing, y’all. She has a decent voice, way better than some of the clowns that have been put through (Crazy Dave, anyone?) They tell her she is not ready and now all the fam' is stuck with those pink T-shirts for no reason.
Ryan says that Randy and Simon are exhausted from all that excessive sitting around and doing nothing and alas, the talent pool seems to have gone dry. Another excuse to remind us that you-know-who times 3 is from 'Bama, so let’s get busy.
But wait… next up is a pretty lady who says she has an “excrodinary” voice. Randy does the Kid Rock impression from Joe Dirt, talking about Brandy. This Brandy axe-murders “Like a Virgin” and for some reason blames her complete lack of talent on the floor. Simon’s sarcasm goes “yawwwwww” over her head and now it’s playa hatin’ time. Kinda funny though when she calls Randy a “faker.”
Some shots of good folks that we did not get to see and filler fodder from Brandy being crazy. My God, girl - peace out. Then it’s finally mercifully over and yay, House is on next.
So Birmingham brought the funny Jack Osborne/Black guy – Chris Sly. LOVE him, hope he goes all the way.
‘Til tomorrow when they rock out from “Lost Angel-knees.”
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