This is Our Top Ten???

3/28/06
Well... for the first time since my Idol Addiction began, I have to say it... tonight’s show sucked with the suckingness of suckdom.

Ryan is very Regis tonight and looking quite handsome. That is almost all the good that can be said about tonight. So. So. Sad.

Tonight’s theme is Songs from the 21st Century a.k.a. The Night the Music on AI5 Died.

First up, poor little Lisa, bless her heart. Too many people have told this gal that she is da bomb, she’s heard it her entire life, I betcha. And she is. But. Not. On. A. Kelly Clarkson. Song. Especially “Because of You” because 1: the song will be edited for time and without the whole lyric, the song makes no sense (the song is about her mom) and 2: little bitty Lisa can NOT connect with the meaning of this song, because her mom is in the audience, looking proud and gorgeous. Judges rip her to shreds and she is in tears. Lisa needs to stick with the Broadway stuff that she does best. Hopefully this will be her last week of knocking herself out for nada and she can go home. She has a prom and whatnot to get ready for. Maybe she can sing at it. Just not this song.

Next is Kellie who surprise surprise is singing a country song. I do not listen to country music and have never heard this one that she is whining. Something about suds in a bucket and I can’t tell if it’s a champagne reference or what? (It's not, The Kid has to explain it to me, der.) Country lyrics just crack me up. Gotta give 'em some props for wit. But ugh, this does not fit her voice at all. She looks pretty tonight and is wearing a skimpy little pink top, which The Hubby appreciates. (I would call him pervy, but I am just as bad gawkin' at the guys, natch!) Judges pretty much tear her apart about her song choice. Kellie must be tired, or maybe just tired of all the ribbing she has received about her blonde moments, because she is interestingly subdued tonight.

Now we have Ace who seems very nervous, probably due to the stage still being wet from Lisa’s tears. His Lost Boys locks are not as lustrous tonight and I am thinking that these so-called “stylists” need to be fired. He sings a song that even I have heard a million trillion times and since I loathe 99% of modern pop, I usually avoid it. It is called “Drops of Jupiter” and it’s kind of like nails on a chalkboard. Judges are just “neh whatever” with his performance, only Paula wants to take him home and compare scars. It is all veddy veddy icky. I’m guessing Ace’s scar came from hot rollers, meoww!

For no apparent reason, Taylor is wearing a girl’s leather jacket. He is singing a slow song that I have never heard of called “Trouble.” Sure wish he was doing the Travis Tritt song of the same name but alas. (Okay so I used to listen to country, like a hundred years ago.) So bored now. I can't decide if I want to ask Taylor to do my taxes or help me pick out a used car. Hmmm. He is like a thousand times less interesting on a song like this; I prefer the gyrating wild man. Judges are divided on whether or not Taylor is really only 29, calling him an “old soul” and all that. In that outfit, he totally looks like one of those guys who buy a Corvette when they hit a certain age.

My favorite gal Mandisa is doing a contemporary Christian song! “Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance… I just wanna praise you!” GO GIRL! It is a hard song to do solo, as it’s originally by a duo, Mary Mary. But there is nothing that this lady can do that’s less than awesome. I am so proud of her for not being afraid to go out on faith. The judges ruin everything and make me sick to my stomach with their comments. They don’t “get it” they say. Well, I guess not, heathens! I will not even go there. Mandisa smiles but it is obvious to me (and I am sure to her millions of other Christian fans) that she is disturbed by the feedback. She is TOO GOOD for this show!!

Chris and Ryan chat about the big controversy that Chris caused last week with his LIVE version of “Walk the Line” and big whoop. Am so over all the Chris hatas. He is who he is… a metal head. And there is nothing wrong with that. He gets up and shouts “What If” about a million times and when it’s finally over, the judges hem haw around and in a round about way tell him that he needs to for the love of God get out of the box. Chris, bless his heart, glowers at them a little but maintains his dignity. He is such a cool guy and my daughter will pummel anyone who says different. I don't even go there on why it was such a bad idea to do a Creed song.

Katharine proves that her mommy has never let her listen to music from this century by mangling some Christina Angu-whatever-her-name-is. For the first time ever, it is painful to listen to the beautiful Kat. Her voice is all over the place and can't find its way home. And she is wearing a Robin Hood meets Star Trek type outfit, something that should have been saved in case they have 80s week. The judges give her props and helllooo they could not have been listening to the same thing that we were just hearing or they would not be saying how good it is. Very disturbing, even the studio audience is confused. Kat, hon - it's too late for the Firefly audition.

That sweet NC boy, Bucky, is singing a Tim McGraw song because “I flat out like it.” And I quote. He does okay singing the song but he should never ever dance; he almost loses his balance there for a sec and the whole world gasps. Not really being into country, I can't connect, even though Faith's hub is kinda hot. Bucky, well... he is very tall, especially when standing next to Ryan. Paula has the nerve to criticize his diction (d’oh!). Simon hates everything and everyone. Bucky is a sweetheart but I wish he’d lose the earrings. Just showing my age I guess.

Okay, so Paris is pretending to be Fantasia who is pretending to be Beyonce. It is very confusing; this entire night has been disturbing. Her vocal was practically perfect but those fake hair extensions keep getting all up in her mouth. Paula tells her, hey girl I know you just a minor child and all, but I think you can find work at the Pussycat Doll house. I am appalled by this comment until The Kid tells me that it’s the name of an all-girl singing group. I immediately ground her from ever watching MTV again. Paris, darling, you are seven months too early for Halloween.

Closing this horrid show tonight is Elliott, who gets more charming every week. He does “I Don’t Want To Be” which Bo did last year. Which means that it’s sacrilegious. But wait… he is putting a totally different vibe on the song and it’s fairly good. Not sure about the homeless guy outfit, I swear they need to fire the stylists. “Do not seek the treasure.” And the big screen behind him is distracting, showing the three background singers with the one in the middle displaying a lot of boobs-a-shakin.’ Elliott makes the entire show worth watching and he is now my favorite guy in the contest. Yeah, I am fickle.

During the recap segment, my dogs look at me as if in pain. It has been a really really bad night. EVERYONE except Mandisa and Elliott should go home. Tomorrow. But we got lots and lots more weeks to go… so I think Lisa will be the one to get the axe.

3/29/06

About last night...

Watching the 21st century theme episode was painful enough but now, TIIC are going to see that pain, raise it, and then call double-or-nothing.

We see a montage of the kids doing their thing, getting their make up on, practicing, singing on the show, being busy little beavers and then, since they are just little bitty kids mind you, they get to go see Ice Age 2! YAY! I want to see that movie too, since I am just a kid at heart, hmmmp.

The Ford faux-mercial has them dancing down the street passing out popsicles to scary looking folks. I would like to bet that NO ONE can watch this without rolling their eyes at least once.

And now… making a guest appearance tonight… some belly dancing chick with a gangsta rap dude. They are howling dog bad. Actually, that is an insult to howling dogs everywhere. I ask the resident expert – the teenager – who the heck these people are and she says that they are Paprika and Wince Jeans or something like that, who knows, who cares, I am so disgusted that I take my dogs out. They are in pain. And word to Fox – dudes, what??? It is a G-rated show, okay.

Recap time… the kids prove that they are not of this century as most of them blow… it is so bad that hardly any clips of the singing are shown, it is mostly the judges raking them over the coals.
It is elimination time… bottom three are Lisa - no surprise there, Ace – that was unexpected (must have been the whole scar showing thing; we fickle fans want our idols perfect you know) and … that noise you heard was 40 zillion people all falling out of their chairs… it is Katharine. Kat is a bottom feeder. Say it ain’t so!!

Okay, this is the most gorgeous trio of losers that I have ever seen in my life. They could all leave right now and make the third Charlie’s Angels movie together and it would be wonderful. Lisa could play the smart one, Ace the pretty one, and Kat the loveable klutz. Would that not be just perfect??

Oh well… it was fun while it lasted. Ace goes back to safety, and mewonders how in the name of all that is Katharine, could she be in the bottom two?? Kat stands there next to Lisa, outwardly calm but seething inside while Simon pulls the rug out from under her, fixes her little red wagon, and basically breaks up with her in front of the whole world. What a freakin' jerkwad from Hades.

Paris cries a river of tears as Lisa is told that she is (finally) going home. Her montage reminds us how sweet, gorgeous and Stepfordish Lisa is, and now we cringe again hearing her use the word “damn” in a song.

So... Little bitty Lisa leaving was no surprise, but the others in the bottom two - egads! I was expecting Ace to go all “Randall Flagg” there for a sec. And Kat can NOT get the boot... horse heads will be found in beds all over America, folks. NEWSFLASH: Rumor has it that Kat is a Scientologist… which is the freaky crap that Tom Cruise and a few other Ho’wood morons are into. Not sure if maybe that cost her some votes? After all, it is mainstream America that votes and what we say goes. So take that all ye Hubbardites!!

Okay, I am fessin’ up here… I am so in love with Elliott now. Class act, best voice on the show EVER, the whole Amish-Elf-meets-Leprechaun look is soooo appealing. [insert heavy sigh here] Too bad I have Fleetwood Mac albums older than him, or else I would be out there in the audience with one of the MARRY ME signs. When I tell The Hubby this, he just laughs and tells me to go for it. As long as he can be right next to me with a sign for Kat. Battlefield Earth notwithstanding.

Song Suggestions...

Some fun brainstorming!

Thinking back to all of my favorite songs for the past 30 years, I compiled a list and assigned one of this year's Top Ten contestents to sing it.

So here is my dream list...

If they have 70s week:

Ace – Baby Come Back (Player)
Bucky – Already Gone (The Eagles)
Chris – Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad (Meat Loaf)
Elliott – Wonderful Tonight (Eric Clapton)
Katharine – Heartbreaker (Pat Benatar)
Kellie – You Never Can Tell (Emmylou Harris)
Lisa – Heart of Glass (Blondie)
Mandisa – It’s So Easy (Linda Ronstadt)
Paris – Fire (The Pointer Sisters)
Taylor – I Need a Lover (John Cougar)

If they have 80s week:

Ace – She Drives Me Crazy (Fine Young Cannibals)
Bucky – Lost in You (Rod Stewart)
Chris – Here I Go Again (Whitesnake)
Elliott – Roll With It (Steve Winwood)
Katharine – Open Your Heart (Madonna)
Kellie – Harden My Heart (Quarterflash)
Lisa – Somebody’s Knocking (Terri Gibbs)
Mandisa – Been Around The World (Lisa Stansfield)
Paris – Only the Lonely (The Motels)
Taylor – Wishing Well (Terence Trent Darby)

If they have 90s week:

Ace – Truly Madly Deeply (Savage Garden)
Bucky – One Headlight (The Wallflowers)
Chris – Iris (Goo Goo Dolls)
Elliott – I Believe I Can Fly (R. Kelly)
Katharine – Down So Long (Jewel)
Kellie – Girls With Guitars (Wynonna)
Lisa – My Favorite Mistake (Sheryl Crow)
Mandisa – I Feel Lucky (Mary Chapin Carpenter)
Paris – Give Me One Reason (Tracy Chapman)
Taylor – I’m on Fire (Bruce Springsteen)

If they have country week:

Ace – Whenever You Come Around (Vince Gill)
Bucky – All I Want is a Life (Tim McGraw)
Chris – The Red Strokes (Garth Brooks)
Elliott – Don’t Rock the Jukebox (Alan Jackson)
Katharine – It Was (Chely Wright)
Kellie – Poor Poor Pitiful Me (Terri Clark)
Lisa – Xs & Os (Trisha Yearwood)
Mandisa – Wild Angels (Martina McBride)
Paris – Timber I’m Falling in Love (Patty Loveless)
Taylor – TROUBLE (Travis Tritt)

The Elite 11 on 50s Nite

3/21/06
During AI season at our house, our collective worlds revolve around this TV show. Yes, I recognize that this is sad. (In the pre-DVR having days, it was even worse! I would actually leave choir practice early on Wednesdays to see who got the boot! Bad me.)

So every Tuesday and Wednesday, The Hubby, The Kid, and I are all in front of the TV, glued. And even though we do have DVR now, we still have to watch it “live.” This is the only thing that the 3 of us do together, and I personally hope the show continues until Simon is old and gray. Well, older and gray.

That said, tonight's theme is 50's night. The Kid, who is 13, says YIKES but stays to watch (only because we had ice cream sandwiches!) The Hubby and I were not born yet either, and we can't relate but hey... this is our show, man!

Okay, so this is the deal... Barry Manilow has a new CD of 50's classics that just turned platinum, according to his interview on Access Ho'wood. I have not ever been into his music, even though I remember seeing him sing “Mandy” on TV when I was a little girl. But I digress...
Keeping with the 50's theme night, and to promote Barry's album, he is coaching the contestants on the songs they have chosen to perform. And of course, we have a solid hour to fill (two counting the commercials) with only 11 singers tonight.

I have one question at this point... when the heck is House coming back on??

The video montage of “my time with Barry” is longer than the Stevie one last week. The contestants went to Vegas for their coaching and to see his show.

So first up is my favorite - the magnificent MANDISA. She looks regal tonight; her dress and hairdo fit the 50's theme perfectly. She sings a song I have never heard of, and as always she shines. The Kid and I were at the movies this weekend and saw a preview for the movie Dreamgirls. I think Mandisa would be perfect for something like that. Judges agree that she is HOT! “what a classy, amazing way to start the night,” “you are a thoroughbred,” “you are blossoming,” “very sexy performance,” “I absolutely LOVED it.” Ryan says he likes her bling, but it can't match her smile. Someone has a sign that says “Man-diva.”

Next up is BUCKY - the sweet Rockingham boy does an old Buddy Holly song that sounded vaguely familiar, called “Oh Boy.” He goes from rough-around-the-edges to just rough tonight, dawg. He got rid of the supermodel hair though, thank goodness. Judges agree that it's not his best night - “it was the perfect song for you,” “you had a lot of fun on stage,” “nothing more than a pointless karaoke performance.” Bucky keeps his sense of humor, even when Ryan tries to instigate a judge-riot on his behalf.

Precious PARIS has dressed the part for 50's theme night, and evidently teens way back then were not obnoxious, because she is acting a lot less hokey this week. I am cool with her as she does “Fever.” Judges like it, but Barry finds it kind of creepy that a little bitty gal like her is doing a smokin' song like that. Whatever, explain early days of Britney then. Geesssshhhhh - “you blew it out the box man,” “vocals were impeccable,” “this is what you do best.” Paris, the giggly Minnie voiced gal is back in sweet mode with Ryan banter.

The Kid has waited for this moment... it is time for CHRIS! He sort of sings the old Johnny Cash song “I Walk the Line” but I don't know - he changed the tune completely. Like everyone in America has not just seen the movie on DVD?? (Well maybe not, it's still on backorder from Netflix for a few weeks now.) Anywho, The Hubby says that some rock band I have never heard of did this version of the song and Chris is a total rip off. Then he and The Kid almost come to blows and I have to play ref. Isn't that what I was just saying AI is all about - family togetherness? At any rate, the judges gush over Chris's “originality” but I can't really hear what they are saying with all the fussin' going on at my house. Will have to play it back on DVR when I am alone!

The too-beautiful-to-be-true KATHARINE is up next, doing a jazzy cool song and she is brilliant. She looks kind of ragged in her meeting with Manilow; I would have dressed up a little to meet a star of that magnitude. I mean, he is dressed nicely. Anyways, while the three of us gaze at Kat on our TV screen, we are for once in agreement. Kat should be a movie star. I can totally see her doing romantic comedies a la Bullock/Roberts. Wow, even her mom is smiling tonight. Judges agree that she is a delight - “tough song to sing, you worked it out,” “only you could pull off Ella Fitzgerald,” “I think tonight you turned into a star.” Kat goes from elegant to silly, which is one of the reasons she is so fascinating to watch.

Camera hoggin' TAYLOR is up next and like last week, his dancing is true instead of manic, and the song fits his voice nicely. It's a Buddy Holly song; I've never heard it. He has had his bangs trimmed a little it looks like. And baby blue must be the hot new color for guys this year; the white sneakers, though - unh uh. He mugs, he smiles, he gets on my nerves. And Simon's too, you can sure tell it. The judges are split for the most part - “you're having a blast up there,” “someone should be shooting this and making an exercise video,” “it was like a hideous party performance.” Taylor takes it all in stride as the judges get heated and stupid. Ryan says that Taylor's look is like a George Clooney/Jay Leno/Phil Donahue combo.

Next up is Star Search's very own LISA, and no I am never going to stop reiterating that she was on that show. It is as much a part of her as her curly hair, which she has again tonight. She sings “Why Do Fools Fall in Love?” which I have actually heard in my lifetime, since I do not live in a cave. She is very perky and cute and forgettable. Judges say pretty much the same thing - “it was just awright for me,” “you are a powerhouse,” “it was okay,” “I feel like I'm trapped in a high school musical.” Lisa is beautiful and mature. I think they should model the next AI Barbie doll after her.

Where's Waldo, I mean Chicken Little, no Howdy Doody, errr the teenage Bill Gates... whatever your nickname for him ... here is KEVIN. Is he this season's votefortheworst.com forefront? He warbles “When I Fall in Love” while I check my email. Ugh. I am confused by him, is he for real or a caricature of himself? Judges go easy on him tonight, even Simon, using reverse psychology on American voters, methinks - “you did a pretty good job,” “you've got moxy,” “I think your audience will love that.” Kevin finally takes his hand out of his pocket to hold up his number.

The magically delicious ELLIOTT is up next, doing a boring song I have never heard before. But first he confesses to Ryan that he didn't really like Barry's music, until he met him in person of course. Well, honey, I know someone who met Mr. M in person and it was not too pretty. That was of course, like a hundred years ago. But I digress as usual. Judges say that Elliott is outstanding as always and kinda sexy with the little goatee. Okay, I said that last part. Even the crazy wide tie is working for him. “Love you, love your voice,” “I have goosebumps,” “fantastic.” Elliott has obviously been hangin' with the “K” gals, because he is so bubbly!

Now we are subjected to KELLIE who looks very pretty, and no Carrie-hair for her tonight either by gosh golly dang. She sings the Patsy Cline classic “Walking After Midnight” and she is wonderful, totally in her element. For the first time yet, I am almost proud to share the Tar Heel state with the pickled one. I say almost, because the whole singing to the judges thing is so lame. Kellie has no audio during the judges comments, which were all glowing - “the country pop girl is back,” “you were a tigress tonight,” “ballsy, sexy, just great.” The three of us can't decide if it's because Kellie dropped her mic and broke it, or if TIIC cut her off! Who knows, but no dumb blonde moments tonight. Golly gee.

“The place for the helpful hardware man”... yeah it's ACE. Someone put too much gel in his Lethal Weapon locks. But he still looks way too pretty to be a guy. Way way way. He sings something that he calls an “urbanized jazzy” version of something, who the heck knows what, and who cares, he is so pretty!! I heard a rumor that he is making a guest appearance on a sitcom soon, one that his real-life girlfriend stars on. On UPN or some such, who knows and who cares, he is so pretty! Judges say nice things - “you took a classic song and brought something fresh to it,” “sexiest, sultriest performance,” “one of your stronger performances.” Paula tells Ace that there are 34 signs in the audience that say “Ace will you marry me?” He says he loves every single one. Awww.

General observations...

Ryan's little blonde sidekick tonight was a cutie patootie. About as much sparkle and wit as Carrie though - mewonders if they are related somehow? Funny how at age 7, she still looked older than Kevin.

Not sure why I am cracking on Carrie in the comment right above this one; I do like her a lot. Maybe because I bought her CD and only like one song? Can't really blame her for that.

Constantine was in the audience tonight sitting beside some singer that I have never heard of, which means The Kid loves him. I also saw Lindsay and Jasmine from seasons past. I wonder if they have to pay their own way back to Ho'wood for the guest appearances? Just curious.

My pick to say “see ya” is Kevin, please for the love of GOD. Oh yeah, and House is back next week, YAY.

3/22/06

“Ciao Baby”

Looks like there are a few ex-Idol folks in the audience tonight. Ryan reminds us that one of the kids will be leaving, and we say “duh” and a collective prayer goes up that it will be CL!!

Recapping 50's night...

Elliott teaching us to learn, Kellie walking after midnight, Chris walking the line, Bucky oh-boy rockabilly, Taylor not fading away, Lisa asking why do fools fall in love, Kevin wondering when will he fall in love, Katharine come rain or shine, Paris catching fever, Mandisa not crying anymore, and Ace in the still of the night.

A Ford commercial at the beach, set to “We Got the Beat.” It is extra cheesy but cute, with little bitty Kevin being buried in the sand. Oh that stud muffin!

Barry Manilow sings some old boring song that I remember hearing on Grease a thousand years ago. He is such a pro, does not miss a note. He gushes about working with the kids and they all give him props. I think it's very nice and touching that Bobby came back to meet his idol.

Elimination time... first the safe ones... Ace looks super delicious fine, Mandisa is gorgeous with big hoop earrings, Elliott is sexy with the chin hair, Kellie is so blonde with “whut's a ballsy?,” Chris gets more whoops from the audience than anyone, Paris has cute hair again, Kat is cool and elegant, Taylor is subtly working the camera.

Bottom 3 kids are Bucky, Kevin, and Lisa.

Kevin is out. It is somewhat sad watching his farewell video but all I can say is...

Yeah baby! NOW we have a real contest!

General observations...

Paula was actually coherent tonight and gave good advice. She reminded us that she is a vital part of the AI organization.

TOP 12 "Wonders"

3/14/06
The good news is now we get down to serious “bid-nez.” And only 2 nights a week, yay. The bad news is theme nights begin which can be so lame. Good news/bad news is that starting this week, there is a bigger band, bigger stage, and the kids get to work with a stylist. These things DO NOT always work out for the best.

First we are reminded of our Top 12 – who they are and how they got there. Random adorableness, tears, smiles, lots of whoops and yahoos. I am reminded that one of the reasons I like this show is because of the great editing. It is Stevie Wonder night and since I am not that into his music, it's yawn city. He seems like a sweet guy though, when he meets with the contestants. Some of them, notably Elliott are in tears when they meet him.

The video montages at the beginning of each performance are about each singer's experience during their one-on-one time with Stevie.

Ace – he is humbled and touching in his video. Unfortunately he starts off bad and gets worse on “Do I Do.” I notice the stylists haven’t done anything with Ace; he still has the Sully-on-Dr.-Quinn-Medicine-Woman hair, which is fine with me. He is wearing a different shirt though. Judges say… “you couldn’t quite find the key,” “I liked your energy,” “you started off the night fantastic,” “cool dance moves,” “luckily for you this audience is very easily pleased,” “a bit manic.” Merry (or is it Pippin?) – okay, I mean Ace looks none too perturbed and talks about working the bigger stage during his Ryan-banter segment.

Kellie – she talks about not being familiar with Stevie's music (so why with all the crying in the earlier “Meeting Stevie” clip?) She has too many dumb blonde moments to count tonight (a few are recapped below.) The stylists have given her Carrie Underwood hair for no apparent reason. She looks uncomfortable, like she can’t walk in her red high heels. She doesn’t sound bad really, just boring with a capital BORING. Judges say… “like a non event,” “none of the spark was there,” “little bit too safe,” “razzle dazzle did not show up,” “you sent everyone in America to sleep,” “like you went to Dolly Parton school, the way you look.” Kellie was irresistible saying “Ah'm sawree” over and over. I can understand why she has a large fan base. Ryan has the nerve to use the word “fashionista” - was he being cruel?

Elliott – he is more precious than anyone in the competition when he talks to Stevie. His voice is so amazing and he makes Mr. Wonder proud. I like Elliott so much, his personality is great, his voice is awesome, and his every-day-ordinary-lookin' guy image is refreshing. He looks great in a white jacket and baby blue shirt. Judges say… “this is your comfort zone,” “it was good,” “I love your passion; amazing singer,” “that did not have the wow factor,” “need to start showing originality.” I wish Ryan would not make a big deal out of Elliott being sweaty. Who cares, it may be from the diabetes. Elliott is a class act.

Mandisa – she looks more beautiful than ever and there is a cutesy-pie moment with Ryan taking her shoes off when she says her feet hurt really bad. In her video, Stevie says he is impressed with her. On stage, she is amazing as always, though this is not a song I know or can get into. Even the notes that may not be perfect are better than most of the others in this contest. I may be biased though, ha! Judges say… “you’re the best so far,” “you can sing anything,” “okay, now we have a competition.” Mandisa is so funny when Ryan throws her high heels at the judges. The stylists need to give her some powder under all these new lights, and some comfortable shoes. But she smiles widely and all is right with the world.

Bucky – he speaks candidly about not knowing Stevie’s music but now that he’s heard it, he likes it. I like this guy more and more. He has a great sense of humor. Fortunately, the stylists have introduced him to shampoo, but whoa they went a little crazy with the blow dryer, too. Who knows why they gave him Carrie Underwood hair?? With his pretty golden locks flowing, he does a pretty good job on “Superstition.” Judges say… “not the greatest vocal performance, but I enjoyed it,” “it was different,” “wish you’d get out of your comfort zone,” “we’ve got to talk about the Jessica Simpson hair – that has got to go!” Bucky is a hoot, cutting up with Ryan, talking about hairdos.

Melissa – in her video, she talks about flubbing her lyrics in front of Stevie and makes a big deal about wearing a dress. Big whoop. She has been in beauty pageants, and ah hmmm, yeah, no dresses there, right? Her song is so boring that I literally fall asleep, but when I wake up, I hear something about her messing up the lyrics AGAIN. Methinks someone does not deserve to be in the Top 12. Judges say… “flat and sharp notes,” “you got pipes,” “you should wear dresses more often,” “there is something very soothing about your voice,” “your best performance so far,” “edgy, contemporary.” Melissa apologizes to Mr. Wonder about murdering his song. I think the last word of that song was “goodbye” but I am not sure since I was dozing.

Lisa – she is cute during her time with Stevie and he seems to have fun with her. She sings “Signed Sealed Delivered” which I always thought was a Peter Frampton song but oh well. (The Hubby confirms that Peter did sing it once upon a time in the 70s.) Lisa has an edge to her tonight, more pizazz, less “Stepford-ness.” This is the only time that I have really enjoyed watching and hearing her. Judges say… “the end was hot,” “when you add your ad libs is where you shine,” “took absolute control of the stage,” “it was great, I loved it.” Lisa tells Ryan she has not been on a stage like this before; the Arsenio stage was a lot smaller from what I remember.

Kevin – some cute little bitty girls come on stage and give a cutesy-pie sign to Kevin. Awwww. Make me so yak. He talks about being awestruck over Stevie, whose sunglasses are older than Kevin. I am over this Where’s Waldo, this season's Anthony what’s-his-name. He moves like a duck while singing “Part Time Lover.” I do not understand this kid. Is he for real or is this a parody? Judges say… “I love you man,” “some funny dance moves,” “enjoyable,” “this was the point in the show where Stevie Wonder turns down the volume.” Kevin mouths off at Simon like he’s a teenage boy or something. Oh yeah... he is.

Katharine – the elegant one gushes over meeting Stevie. She has already done Mr. Wonder earlier this season. She sings beautifully as usual and the make-up artists have given her some Goth eyeshadow. For no particular reason, she is wearing an outfit that looks like a maternity dress. The Hubby thinks she is the most beautiful girl he has ever seen on TV, ever. Judges say… “that was hot,” “I loved everything about it,” “your best performance ever,” “you’re good,” “there's something about you that reminds me vocally of Kelly Clarkson.” Kat switches to giddy mode talking about shoes and wardrobe with Ryan. It is so obvious that she and Kellie are roommates. Der.

Taylor – he wears a T-shirt that says “got soul?” during his video clip. He is over-the-top as usual and at all times knows where the camera is. Can you say HAM? He redeems himself on stage; he is totally in his element with this song and actually keeps the gyrations in sync with the music. His moves look more stylish and less Tourettes-like. Judges say… “you were fearless baby fearless,” “you are such a fun performer,” “this is what you need to be doing just to make everybody happy,” “you’re like every dad who has ever got drunk at a wedding, got on stage and sang; difference is, you can sing.” Ryan and Taylor chat about the possibility of the stylists changing Taylor's gray hair. Since this is his trademark it's highly doubtful.

Paris – she is sincere in her clip about Stevie but that fake puppy dog hair… ugh. He compares her excitement to Fantasia. On stage, she is thankfully back to regular hair, looking so much like Tootie from the Facts of Life that I am searching for Jo and Blair. She sings better than I have ever heard her. She is a bouncy, bubbly, likable little gal. I loved Fantasia, but Paris is actually a better singer. Judges say… “you were unbelievable tonight,” “seasoned veteran at only 17 years old,” “like a performing little doll, wind her up and off you go, very good.” Paris ruins everything by the obnoxious holla/singing during her Ryan-banter.

Chris – he talks about being worried about doing Stevie and mentions the Red Hot Chili Peppers a lot. Huh? Who cares, he is rocking it out in his usual style of wonderfulness. The only thing I don’t like is the mic stand shenanigans a'la Bo Bice. He is awesome and I am even getting used to the manly chain thingy that hangs from his jeans. Am hoping that once he wins this competition that he doesn’t go all crazy and get the tattoos and piercings that we see on other bald rockers. He is fine just like he is. Judges say… “every week you find a way to make it your own,” “I just sit back and enjoy every single week,” “Chris – thank God for Chris,” “this was the only real world performance.” Chris and Ryan make the best banter of the night until Simon intercedes and everything becomes an inside joke.

TV does not get better than this...
Classic Kellie moments:
Kellie to Stevie Wonder: Country is like, more my genre. Can you tell by my accent? ha ha
Stevie: I can hear it a little bit.
Kellie: A little bit? ha ha
Stevie: I thought you were from England actually.
Kellie: Really???
Stevie: Yes...no, I’m kidding.
Kellie: Really?? Oh God.
Stevie: I was kidding, really.

Banter with Ryan:
Ryan: The stylists are working with you…
Kellie: Yeah I got some new eyelashes. I have fake eyelashes! I feel like I have tarantulas on!
Ryan: Aren’t you an arachnophobic?
Kellie: Yeah I am, I’m terrified of bugs.
Ryan: You don’t look so scared right now.
Kellie: Well, they’re not real tarantulas.

A good Where's Waldo moment:
Some kid holds up a sign that says “Kevin is my Heaven” -
Ryan says “Simon is my hell.”
Kevin says “You’re not the only one.”

General observations...

You can tell that more than one script-writer comes up with Ryan’s lines - some are inane to the max, some are clever and witty, and some are just oh-so-gay. And when he tried to sing... hilarious!

Having the “devil beard twins” there in the audience was just freakin' wrong, man.

It is so annoying when Ryan and the judges banter amongst themselves and we don’t know what’s going on. Reminding us that we are on the outside looking in ...

3/15/06

Only 30 minutes tonight and then SIX (count 'em) SIX more days until another episode. Ryan embarrasses us with his gushing man-crush on Simon, again. Then highlights of last night's episode. Meeting Mr. Stevie Wonder, then performing their versions of his songs.

Recap time - Elliott sounding amazing, Kellie “Parton” blowing it but looking gorgeous, Bucky “Simpson” rocking it, Melissa blowing the lyrics and everyone rubbing it in, Mandisa glowing even barefoot, Lisa finally looking young, Taylor and Kat the consistent pros, Paris and Chris showing ‘em how it's done, Kevin and Ace making fools of all of us.

Oh goody, the first of the cheesy faux Ford commercials. At least this one showcases Chris playing guitar. It is a cute camp fire scene and Taylor and Mandisa look like the chaperones on a coed scout outing. Kat and Ace are more gorgeous than two humans have a right to be.

Stevie Wonder performs his new song. Gotta give props to an icon, but I kind of dozed through it and would bet I’m not the only one who caught a nap.

We are sending someone home “Live” people. (Which is good to know that we are not sending them home dead, der.)

First in the bottom 3 – in the shock heard around the world… Ace! No one looks more surprised than he does. Uh oh, he looks like he's channeling Voldemort. Oh well, rosy cheeks and doe eyes alone ain’t gonna get it. He was not that good last night.

Next in bottom 3 is lyric-blowing barmaid Melissa, a no-brainer there. Last in the bottom 3, in another shocking moment, but then again maybe not… Lisa.

I can’t believe for a second that Chicken Little got more votes than Ace and Lisa! When Lisa is told she is safe she does not acknowledge Mel in any way; I was disappointed that she did not even attempt to play the game.

During her “buh bye” video montage, they show Melissa with some scary looking dude and lots and lots and lots of cleavage. The Hubby is fussin' about not wanting her to go while I try to keep my glee to myself.

General observations…

All the hoopla about Melissa blowing her lyrics … necessary I guess. However, after playing Bucky back on DVR it sounds like he is saying “superstitions” instead of “superstitious” a couple of times.

It's bad enough that the booted off contestants are made to perform their losing song at the end of each show. But it's even worse when they are CUT before they even get started. This show has run over its time limit many times, so what’s the big deal about letting the kids finish and let us see them get their farewell hugs?

Oh well... 'Til Tuesday then…

Sweet 16 Gals & Guys

3/7/06
Ryan compares AI5 to the Oscars. Okaaay? As long as nobody sings that Hustle & Flow song, we'll be okay.

Tonight’s topic in the video clip is “little known facts.”

Paris – surprise surprise her nickname is Princess P. Who'da thought. And she’s a tomboy. She sings a Miami Sound Machine song. Yeah, before it became just Gloria Estefan. I am beginning to wonder if these kids are allowed to do songs from this millennium. She is remarkable as usual but her outfit is a little off-putting. She is wearing a fancy party dress with jeans. Judges say… “you can sing anything,” “unbelievable talent,” “captured my attention,” “brilliant entertainer,” “vocally was just okay.” Paris looks so much like Vanessa Huxtable that I was looking for Theo and Rudy in the audience.

Lisa – she loves Jimi Hendrix and plays electric guitar. Her hair is straight tonight and she looks lovely but it's a song I have never heard before. It sounds like something from Broadway and I am not into that so don’t have a clue. She hits the “money” notes right on target. Judges say… “I want you to like slay it,” “just awright,” “seasoned performer,” “performance value is amazing,” “super talented,” “you're singing songs that sound like your mum's choosing them.” Lisa was on Star Search a few years ago, the Arsenio Hall version, of course. This explains a lot.

Melissa – she is a car freak, fast cars that is. She reminds me of the Julia Roberts character in Pretty Woman, before the transformation. She is extra Hells-Angels-honey tonight, and sings the Heart song “What About Love.” I do not want to like her because I am so jealous of how much The Hubby lusts after her bod. Alas, she sings the heck outta the song, does a fine job with it. Judges say… “good song for you,” “coming out of your shell,” “powerhouse,” “that last note booked your plane ticket home.” Melissa looks kinda sad but she feels good about letting it rip. I wish I had a dollar for every time she says “you know” during the Ryan-banter segment.

Kinnik – she talks about liking chitlins. Ewwww. She looks stunning and so ready for the Tyra Banks modeling show. She sings a boring Alicia Keys song and even my untrained ear can hear the bad spots. Judges say… “I don’t think you nailed it,” “it’s the best you’ve looked,” “off pitch,” “you’ve booked your plane ticket home but at least you can have your chiclets.” Kinnik is gracious and classy as always but seems resigned to the fact that next week she will meet the same fate as fabulous predecessors Jennifer Hudson and Latoya London.

Katharine – her big reveal is that she went to the same school as Constantine. She is funny talking about his smoldering look, but there is a big difference between Kat and Con, besides the obvious. Kat is practically perfect with her song “Think.” She finally loosens up and wears some jeans but they look new, not ratty. Judges say…“Yeah! Yeah!,” “well-oiled machine,” “you had fun with it,” “made it seem absolutely effortless.” I can’t help but think that when Kat was belting out the “freedom freedom” lyrics, she was thinking of escaping scary vocal coach stage mom.

Ayla – when she was a kid she thought her dad was Elvis Presley. Okaaay. On stage, she combines the “something smells” look with what appears to be aerobic squats. She does well with a song that is finally from this decade. It is called “Unwritten” and it was in the movie Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Judges say… “it was all right, “you fight the fight every single week,” “that was pretty good actually,” “I would love that young person in the film clips to be on the stage.” Ayla seems to be double the height of Ryan and it’s just comical. I can’t concentrate on what they are saying. Something about Randy name-dropping again. Yawn.

Mandisa – she reveals quite humorously that she sucked her thumb until she was 24… yowsa! She totally kicks butt and rocks it out on “I’m Every Woman.” Amazing, could not be any better, even though this song has been sung every single season, methinks. Whatever, she’s great! Judges say… “she just set the benchmark,” “I got chills,” “amazing,” “this is the only one that I would rewind on my Tivo.” Mandisa, I love you! During the Ryan-banter, she almost got a little in the Kellie category of TMI with the shower bit, but that’s okay.

Kellie – she talks about her dog Comet. She is absolutely adorable in her video, but… wow wee. She rocks out to a Melissa E. tune, looking hot in a little biker chick outfit. I wonder if she borrowed it from Mel? MEOWW! Something about her reminds me of Jewel; she sings the best I remember her, ever. Please let any Carrie comparisons END y’all! Judges say… “great job,” “you got your groove on,” “guys are in love with you,” “you are what’s known as a naughty little minx.” Oh Kellie Kellie, the “whut?? A mink??” bit will go down in AI history.

General observations…

I HATE it when the judges tell the kids to do something different and then bash them when they do. Argh.

Ryan addressing the rumor mill (with Kat) was tacky filler fodder.

Kat has this “Help. Me.” look to her most of the time.

Simon has made my doo-doo list with his Carrie bashing. So mad at him.

A Buffy quote comes to mind whenever I hear Simon give a lecture - “Blah blah bidy blah, I’m so stuffy, gimme a scone.”

Very entertaining night!

3/8/06

The first thing ya notice is that Ace is wearing his beanie and looking better than any human has a right to! Ryan looks like a dapper executive in a business suit. Again, the theme of the video is “what you don’t know about me.”

Gedeon – his speaking voice is so creepy but he shows a cute painting that he did. He sings “When a Man Loves a Woman” and does well with it. But a fuchsia shirt…? I am just going to pretend that the color on my TV is off. Cuz eww. Veronica’s friend Wallace would never wear that color. Judges say… “it was awright,” “the throwback to your style is amazing,” “you are quite odd aren’t you?, “a bit cabaret, a bit over the top, but I like you, you’re interesting.” Gedeon undoes all the good when his cockiness comes back full force, intentional or not. Poor kid does not stand a chance to last much longer.

Chris – his speaking voice is just as sexy as his singing voice. He tells about when he used to wear his hair like Ryan’s! They show pictures of him with his wife and one of his kids and it’s cute. He is singing a song that I kind of recognize but I’m not sure … it’s called “Broken.” He has such a wonderful rock voice; it is rugged and edgy. I think he must have borrowed one of Ace’s shirts, though ha. Judges say… “you know who you are,” “you’re ready,” “rock on baby rock on,” “you are going to be out there selling out stadiums,” “it was a bit indulgent,” “boring song.” Chris is confident but not in a cocky way. I finally remembered the “Broken” song - it's the one with Amy Lee (my girl!) on backup.

Kevin – he admits that he likes gangsta music. Pe-yew. He sings a boring song, the most sleep inducing thing I have ever heard on the show ever. It sounds like what you hear at a school musical. He reminds me of Bill Gates, if the Microsoft icon was 12. I want to like this little boy; I felt sorry for him about the whole Chicken Little thing. Judges say… “you actually can really sing,” “you are in the dawg pound eternally,” “you make people pay attention when you sing,” “you melt their hearts,” “in the same way you like watching puppies play…I think you have the granny vote again.” I am so curious to know if Kevin is sincere or acerbic??

Bucky – he has an identical twin brother named Rocky. Bucky is growing on me, I gotta say it. He reminds me of a guy I dated in high school who was a guitar player in a country rock band. Tall, lanky, dirty lookin'. He sings a song I have never heard, I think a country song. I can not understand the words but it sounds like “wave on wave” or something. Judges say… “kinda Bucky country thing,” “I liked it dawg,” “I love the raw untapped talent of you,” “it was okay,” “you’ll hear this a million times this week in a bar.” Bucky is making me like him more and more. Way too cute when they bring his twin on stage and they ham it up.

Will – he reveals that he is studying Japanese. Wahoo! *cough* geek! He is singing a James Taylor song. I am so over the teens this year, doing songs older than me for the love of God. I like his voice, but he sounds like a wedding singer tonight. Judges say… “that was not good for me,” “bad karaoke,” “forget 11-year-olds, cuz I’m a fan,” “you did a great job,” “at least you’ve got the middle-aged vote.” Will looks like he is going to cry and it reminds me of why I loathe the idea of having teenaged kids in this competition. Nuff said.

Taylor – he was my very fave guy upfront but the bless-ed bunny suit was too much. And the bizarre fake smile that he stole from Gedeon. He redeems himself by doing a complete clone rendition of “Taking it to the Streets.” He has some amusing moving and grooving and smooth change-ups on his vocal. He ends on a bang, only one whoo at the end. Judges say… “you represent the dawg pound, it’s the dawg wind up,” “favorite performance from you,” “blown away,” “you single-handedly could kill the music video industry; that was definitely a radio song,” “your best performance so far.” Taylor is a camera hog, I have noticed lately. He obviously reads the AI message board, giving a shout out to the Soul Patrol.

Elliott – he talks about his hearing loss. Wow. And he does it smilingly without playing the pity card. Man, I am in awe of this guy. He doesn’t look like an Amish elf anymore; I saw a picture of him on the AI web site and he was wearing a green shirt. Now he reminds me of a sweet leprechaun. He sings “Heaven” which is a boring song but he does great as usual with it. Judges say… “I could make a record with you tonight,” “we got a hot one right here tonight,” “phenomenal...whoops,” “it was a cop out,” “you appeared uncomfortable.” Like Lucky Charms, Elliott is just magically delicious.

Ace – he reveals that he is a gay magnet, nah just kiddin'. He became a handy man when he first came out to Ho’wood. Better than a waiter I guess. He is still gorgeous, but I noticed that from the side he kind of looks like a hobbit. (Frodo anyone?) He tortures, maims, and then kills some old Michael Jackson song. My dogs are in pain and beg for it to stop. Judges say… “great falsetto, it was hot,” “better than the original artist,” “talent talent,” “there were parts of the vocal that was not good but you made it work.” I am over Ace. Sorry. He needs to be in a boy band with other pretty girlie boys just like him. Singing MJ just ruins it for me.

General observations …

The “red room” scares me. I am expecting the cops to come in and bust all the johns in the brothel.

So stupid, the “you’re so gay” banter between Ryan and Simon, it is so lame. Just kiss already, geez.

During Elliot's critique, Paula spilling the booze or whatever it was in her cup...priceless!

Catty comment one: Ryan - “It’s not all about talent...the judges are here, too.”

Catty comment two: Simon - “Pauler, you must have been starved of entertainment as a child.”

It is so weird how the ones I loved in the beginning are really annoying me now and the ones I didn’t like so much are totally growing on me. I guess that is why I am hopelessly addicted to this show...

3/9/06

“Gotta Go Right Now” Round 3

This episode will let us know who will be in the Top 12. I have not been keeping up with predictions lately because I am never right. But what the hey… I say Kevin and Will should go. They have proms to get ready for. Also, Kinnik and Melissa; Kinnik could be on Broadway and Melissa on Girls Gone Wild, the AI edition.

Recap – Bucky doing country, Chris rocking on Seether without Amy Lee, Mandisa belting beautifully, Taylor doing soul, Paris going all salsa, Elliott on a ballad, Will singing at a high school dance, Lisa doing her Star Search thang, Gedeon blues-ing it out, Ayla kicking it up modern, Kevin being juvenile (Simon's word and I agree), Kat doing Aretha, Ace doing Michael, Kellie on her knees, Melissa in biker chick mode, Kinnik in yawn-worthy but lovely ballad mode.

Bo Bice! Bo Bice! I love you Bo Bice! He looks amazing and ... wow he discovered conditioner. That was the only thing I did not like about him last year, the frizzies. He is so sweet, talking about his baby son. He is adorable and wonderful in the banter with Ryan.

The song he sings though, “The Real Thing,” uh oh. The well-oiled Ho’wood machine took our rocker Bo and replaced him with this commercial pop clone. And I don’t want to see the baton twirling of the mic stand ever again, sigh.

Elimination time… Lisa looks scared, Melissa looks amused, Ayla looks smug, Kinnik…is the one going home. She is more beautiful than ever and says she is grateful for the opportunity. I get up to get a drink while she sings good-bye, though.

Guys are next…Ryan makes dumb talk with the nervous kids. Kevin looks peeved, Gedeon looks pensive and more like Wallace than ever, Bucky looks happy then nervous, Elliott looks calm, Will... is going home. Will is mature and Simon calls him a gentleman and says he likes him. Awwww. He gets one more practice in for prom night, when he sings with the rest of the Bradys. Adorable kid.

Okay, we are going to fill some rocket-ship looking chairs with the Top 12. In order of name called…

Paris, who has strange puppy dog hair tonight for no particular reason
Kat, looking more beautiful than ever and klutzy
Kellie, looking adorable in pink
Mandisa, in a cute hat with a cuter smile
Lisa, who looks like a Gap ad in cargo pants

Last two are Ayla and Melissa and it’s a total no-brainer. Mel has to go ride a bull at Gilleys y'all. No. They. Did. Not. Just. Say. That. Ayla. Lost. Obviously this kid has never lost anything in 17 years. She is devastated. I am appalled. She was not my favorite but she sang much better than the GGW girl every time! Now they are making her sing. I can not believe this crap. Voters are full of manure. Even the judges seem shocked. Okay, I am going to tell myself that this is for the best, she can now go be homecoming queen and play basketball.

Guys filling the chairs…

Taylor, who hoops and hollers
Ace, gorgeous in his beanie
Chris, this man is hot hot hot
Kevin, the Chicken Little looks shocked
Elliott, the sweetest man on the show ever

The final two are Gedeon and Bucky. Again, this one seems pretty obvious to me, but no… I was wrong again. The video clip of Gedeon must have been his downfall. Bucky makes it through to the Top 12. Once again I tell myself that Gedeon can now go home and be prom king. I like the way he said “pray for me,” that was classy. He sings his song wonderfully.

I have to go find Kleenex and have a headache. I think I will give up on this show but that's just crazy talk!

Top 20 Gals and Guys

2/28/06
Right away, Ryan is braggin’ on AI being #1. Yay. The gals come out, in reverse order from last week which means I have to wait forever for Mandisa. Stupid banter ensues. The prerequisite video highlights are about each individual's AI experience so far.

In order of appearance …

Katharine – clips of Kat & Kellie being girlfrien’s. Make me yak. Then she sings an old Stevie Wonder song, yawwwwn. Think: Torch singer in a lounge. Wait, I take that back because her mom is in the audience and looks so mean. *Shiver.* Judges say… “just okay for me,” “brilliant,” “can’t be in your own world, not your best night by a mile.” Kat’s pretty and polished, though.

Kinnik – clips of her talking being on the AI stage. She looks great even with a glittery doo-rag on her head. Then she sang “Here for the Party” and ugh. I ain’t buying it. To hear this elegant, classy lady sing “gonna have some fun, gonna get me some” is just sacrilege. Judges say… “enjoyed entertainment part,” “need to choose songs that show amazing range,” “theme park performance.” It's beautiful Kinnik with a scary song.

Lisa – clips of her talking about being in The Lion King musical when she was 10, which explains a lot. She sings an old Jackson 5 song from like a thousand years ago. Great voice but borrrrrrrrring. I am actually looking at the clock. She looks cute and is dressed like an actual teenager this week. Judges say… “was just awright,” “when ya got it ya got it,” “you will sail through tonight, guaranteed.” Lisa is lovely and charming but I am still thinking “Stepford.”

Melissa – clips of her talking about clothes and being a Florida girl and wearing flip flops. Kinda cute but her speaking voice sounds like someone with a 3 pack a day Marlboro habit. She does a Reba song, and is actually pretty good. She’s dressed like a hoochie mama, but I only say that because I’m jealous. Judges say… “perfect song choice,” “that was hot,” “you're coming out of your shell,” “don’t believe you are making a connection with the audience.” Melissa articulately defends her song choice.

Heather – clips of her sightseeing in Ho’wood and wrapping a boa around her neck. As in snake. Yeah. She sings “Hero” by Mariah Carey. I loathe Mariah so I can’t get into it at all. Heather gives her own self a “wooo” which is kinda egotistical methinks. Judges say… “good job, not great,” “pales in comparison,” “kind of like a ghastly pageant.” Heather is seething and disappointed. She is gorgeous and knows it, so I don’t feel sorry for her one bit.

Brenna – clips of her talking about being on the red carpet. I am actually finding her less annoying than Hooters Heather, because at least Brenna is funny. And thankfully she at least looks good while slowly maiming “Last Dance.” Judges say… “don’t see that magic happening from you,” “attitude/vocals weren’t there,” “like someone in a bar murdering a Donna Summer song.” Hopefully Brenna can get cast in a UPN comedy or something, because this is the end of the road for her on AI5.

Paris – clips of her talking about her fashion sense and how she likes to change it up. I liked the way she pointed up and said “I have favor” even though it totally went over Ryan’s head. It is weird, the Paris on the video and the one on stage are like two totally different girls. She goes from fun-lovin' teen to 50-year-old woman. She sings “Wind Beneath My Wings” very well but again, yawwwwn. Judges say… “amazing performer,” “you need to celebrate the fun and youth,” “you're like a young Lauren Hill,” “like a little old lady tonight.” Paris is adorable when she admits that this song is her great grandmother’s favorite.

Ayla – clips of her talking about being a tomboy and not knowing what foundation was until she started on AI5. Whatever. She sings a Celine Dion song, who is in the same league as Mariah, so I can not get into it. It’s okay, not as good as last week. Judges say… “it's great to see how you are growing,” “came off as nice kinda package,” “whatever you put your mind to, you’re going to get an A,” “still a little mechanical.” Ayla giggles with Ryan but still has the “you stink” expression. For some reason, I like her in spite of this.

Kellie – clips of her talking about different food she’s tried since she got to Cal-e-forn-yay. Being too adorable, especially when talking about doggy clothes. I remind myself to like her because she’s from NC. She sings a Bonnie Raitt song and does a really cheesy head shake in the middle that gives me a headache. Judges say… “adorable, unpretentious,” “we got a hot one,” “cool girl,” “can not help but like you,” “rough around the edges.” Kellie jokes about not being able to dance but then goes on and on and on for a million years and ends up a walking blonde joke.

Mandisa – clips of my girl talking about playing the “dogjaw” joke on Ryan. Just when I think I can’t love her anymore than I already do! She sings a Faith Hill song because she said she wanted to “represent” Nashville. She is so wonderful and so good. I wonder how it’s possible to love someone that I have never met except through my TV. Judges say… “one of a kind,” “unbelievable vocal range,” “taking risks in the right direction,” “song choice I wasn’t thrilled with,” “look is cabaret, old fashioned,” “when you’re on it, I don’t think there is a better female singer in this competition.” Mandisa is so classy and so funny, a good combination of things to be.

General observations…

Catty Comment of the night: Simon to Paula, “Shut up Pauler, you annoy me. It’s like being with some precocious child.”

Diva Award goes to Paula for switching seats after Simon ticks her off.

My predictions to exit – Brenna and Heather.

3/1/06

First up, a recap of the gals last night, just to fill time. Ryan and the judges banter, making us wonder... scripted or ad lib? Who cares, because here come the guys!

In order by appearance...

Taylor – clips of him talking about his gray hair and getting noticed. He sings “Easy” and does well, but it reminds me of my high school prom. Way too many “whoos” for absolutely no reason at all. Hmmm, he kinda loves himself. Judges say… “you’re an old throwback,” “love your enthusiasm,” “you’re one of my favorites,” “you have to take yourself out of the bubble.” Taylor’s adorableness is still there, but I think he is buying into his own hype too much.

Elliott – clips of him talking about his mom and he is so nice and genuine. He sings a song I have never heard and it really should be a boring song … but it is one of the best performances I have ever seen, ever. Incredible is what he is; he does not miss a single note…perfection. Judges say… “natural amazing gift,” “brilliant baby brilliant,” “don’t know what you are going to do to top that,” “you’ve grown in confidence.” Awesome Elliott even got a standing ovation from Randy. Way to go!

Ace – clips of him talking about his beanies (where I come from, we call them tobaggans.) Awwww. Okaaay. It is not fair how gorgeous he looks wearing his beanie. Unfortunately, whatever this song is that he is singing, it is causing pain in my ears. My dogs are looking at the TV funny. Ugh. Judges say… “glad you hit the whole fals’ thing,” “another good week for you,” “you will be disappointed when you hear that vocal back later tonight.” Ace’s prettiness is still like “Oh My,” but he is believing his own hype like some of the others. Cutesy-pie moment when he throws his beanie and Brenna catches it.

Gedeon – clips of him talking about the Ho’wood round and messing up the lyrics. He is adorable tonight and sings this old blues song very well. This is definitely his niche; I can disregard how arrogant he was in the beginning. Judges say… “ended it amazing,” “unique, smart,” “you are a funny little thing,” “like someone Barry Gordy would have gotten ahold of 30 years ago.” Gedeon sweetly says “God bless you” to each of the judges. Cool, cool kid.

Kevin – clips of him talking about suddenly being a hot stud and sex symbol. Okaaay. Surely he’s not serious ... is he? He does not wow me with “I Heard it Through the Grapevine” a.k.a. The dancing California Raisin song. Judges say… “good job,” “infectious,” “you’re having a blast,” “if I heard that on the radio, I’d turn it off.” Kevin is a trooper, even when he is compared to Chicken Little. Ryan says Paris coined it; gee thanks Paris (that was my sarcastic voice.)

Sway – clips of him talking about having his parents together watching him perform. It is very touching and he seems very serious tonight. On stage, however he messes up on a Stevie Wonder song really really bad. Judges say… “not as good as last week,” “you got skills,” “you are a little disconnected,” “not in the zone,” “pure karaoke.” Sway says he is having an off day. He still looks a little bit scary, even without the hat.

Will – clips of him talking about going to parties and meeting “celebs” like Justin from season one. He sings the old Kenny Rogers song “Lady” and it’s okay but just not believable coming from him. He needs his two brothers and three step-sisters on stage with him. (Wait, I was confused there for a sec.) Judges say… “basically awright,” “nice tone,” “too safe,” “like a Broadway audition for Cats,” “11-year-old girls will adore that.” Will looks cute but uncomfortable as Ryan tries to untuck his shirt. Very awkward moment ensues.

Bucky – clips of him being the male Kellie, talking about the weird food on the Left Coast. He is kinda goofy and embarrassing but the Yankees need their moments of confirmation that all southerners are like this. He redeems himself brilliantly with a Garth Brooks song. Much better than last week. Judges say… “great song choice,” “hit every note very nicely,” “you’re having fun,” “very sincere,” “you are what you are,” “you come over as the support act not the star.” Bucky makes cute with Ryan and endures the jiving about sweet tea. Good week for the NC boy.

David – clips of him using a cell phone charger cord as a belt during the first audition. He is cute in a prep school boy way. He proceeds to do a Sinatra standard; since I am not into this crooner stuff at all, I can’t relate. He sounds too old to be so young. Like what you see in a casino lounge on a cruise. Judges say… “you stayed in your zone,” “kinda bored,” “we’ve seen you perform better,” “to do this kind of song, you have to have charisma and confidence.” David looks pee-ohed and I don’t blame him since the same judges told him last week to get back into his comfort zone. Geez.

Chris – clips of him talking about his wife and stepkids. Yep, we are reminded that he is a happily married family man. Sigh. He is very intense as he sings a Fuel hit from a couple years ago. He is absolutely perfection with this song. My 13-year-old daughter is running through the house screaming; she loves him. Judges say… “loved it loved it loved it,” “you can be right on the charts with that right now,” “amazing,” “magic moment,” “this was the only performance that stands up in the real world.” YAY! Chris is smokin’ hot and cool at the same time.

General observations...

Catty comment of the night: Simon to Ryan, “We don’t have our lines written for us, Ryan.”

I predict that Sway and David will leave. I think the Chicken Little tidbit will keep Kevin safe tonight. Stay tuned…

3/2/06

“Buh Bye” Round 2

Ryan starts out braggin’ on ratings again. Heh. Whatever. TIIC hear ka-ching, ka-ching.

The group number is the old song “Love the One You’re With.” I don’t enjoy it as much as last week’s number, but it’s okay. There are definitely some better dancers than others; Bucky and Kellie have no sense of rhythm. Elliott is surprisingly groovy and of course Taylor is jamming.

It’s so obvious that during these first rounds, the contestants dress themselves and do their own hair and makeup. The AI stylists would never allow the camo pants, bike shorts, and crimped hair. Ick. Kat is the only one who is dressed up; I wonder if this chick has ever owned a pair of Levis?

Recap time - Ace and Heather sound even worse than I remember; Will is good; there's Kellie with the head shake; Brenna being annoying (so obvious she's outta here); Kat being lovely but boring; Sway being awful and scary-looking; Bucky and Melissa being surprisingly good; Harry, I mean David, doing the crooner yawn; Ayla and Elliott being superb; Paris, Gedeon, Lisa and Kevin doing songs older than their moms; Mandisa and Chris being the best I have ever seen on the show so far, bar none.

I wanted Bo to win last year, but I still believe that Carrie Underwood is the most beautiful creature that God ever made. She sings her hit song, “Jesus Take the Wheel.” What I love most about her is that she is the same as she was when we first saw her in the auditions. Okay except that she has developed a bit more of a sparkle.

Next is dim the lights, someone is leaving, such drama. Bottom three… Kinnik, Brenna, Heather. No shockers. Buh bye to Brenna… I am going to go make popcorn while she howls her good-bye song. Ironic how her opening line is “Cuz when I’m bad, I'm oh so bad.”

Heather is next to go, but that’s okay, Hooters has a job opening just for her. She says she is going home to her goats. Okaaaay. She is very, very gorgeous but knows it, knows it, knows it. My doggies don't want to hear her sing, they want to go out now, so we miss her exit Mariah song.

Guys now… Sway, David, Kevin are the bottom three. David is the first one to go which is no surprise. He is happy to go home and party ah er, I mean hang out with his friends, so hmmmp. I go sort laundry during his exit song but get back in time to see the girls gather around him. Awwww.

Next to go is Sway. No way! Way. Bye Sway. Wow, just noticed that he is shorter than Ryan and not very articulate. I can not endure another exit song, it is cruel to the contestants and us viewers. Thank goodness for the mute button.

No surprise eliminations tonight.

General observations…

Paula acted like a COMPLETE idiot tonight. I am so disappointed and feel ashamed to be a fan. What really ticks me off is how Ryan tried to deflect some of the blame towards Simon and he was not to blame. Paula acted like a freakin' drunk and treated the kids with NO respect.

Between Paula's antics and the exit songs, I felt physically sick when the show ended. I am so over this cheesy show!!! Well, until next time...