American Idol from Omaha

January 29, 2008

My Kid and I start the evening with a Xander & Anya quote from BTVS, season six:
Me: “Optimism. I remember optimism.”
Kid: “That’s because you’re like, a thousand.”
Ah, how we love our Buffy-isms.

We ARE optimistic because tonight’s auditions are from Omaha, the “Gateway to the West.” Voiceover Ryan says that Middle America is not usually where Idol has auditions. Hitting the heartland is something new and hopefully much fun will be had by all!

We see an American Idol crop circle and then shots of very excited people who are eager for their proverbial fifteen minutes. They play the “Omaha” Bowling for Soup song while Randy and Simon poke fun at all things CORN.

It seems that Paula’s (ahem) “plane was delayed” so it’s just the guys for now. To the amusement of Voiceover Ryan, Simon admires Randy’s “Purple Rain” glasses. (Which do not match his brown shirt at all by the way.)

First up is a spazzy but strangely adorable little girly-guy who entertains us with a line from Paula’s own “Cold Hearted Snake.” When he talks about “happiness exploding everywhere,” My Kid says ewww and I try not to LOL. Girly Guy brings gifts, a.k.a. “bribes” to the judges but doesn’t present them in a brown-nosy way. It gets a bit much though when the waterworks threaten and the bad singing begins. After way too much time-wasting, the judges agree to put a word in for him with the local FOX affiliate to get a side job as an AI reporter. In the words of Girly Guy, ARE YOU SERIOUS? Yep.

Next we see more happy pretty people, some weird costumes, and lots of aerial views of lush green grass. Still no Paula sighting though.

We get to meet an extremely gorgeous guy named Jason who is from Iowa. He works on his girlfriend’s dad’s farm. He tries to sing the Keith Whitley song that Alison Kraus did better, but he gets only one line out and then stalls. Simon and Randy are patient with him because he really does have a great voice. But they must hear more than one line and he finally, mercifully gets it right. Jason ekes in this time, but we don’t hold a lot of hope that he will make it through the grueling Hollywood process.

Paula finally shows up and for no apparent reason, she has a 70's hairdo tonight. And oh goody, she is just in time for a train-wreck mixture of Don’t Forget the Lyrics and Family Feud. Our Ms. Abdul does NOT look happy to be there this evening.

Now we get to see a cute blonde gal named Rachael who is arm wrestling everyone in sight, including Ryan. She wants a go at Simon but he politely declines. Wimp. Rachael sings a Lee Ann Womack song and sounds just as good as the next very whiney country singing diva. Randy tries to figure out the reason for the half-yodeling styling but Rachael says it’s all natural. They give her a chance and Barely Coherent Paula wants to arm wrestle the gal. Gawd.

Next we have an ex-professional wrestler who looks like the long lost love child of Rosie O and Ozzie O. She is a so-called “Goth bad guy” and somewhat insane. To no one’s surprise, she sings horribly and over-the-top. My Hubby likes the way that Randy mocks her Transylvanian laugh so I have to rewind the DVR over and over. Then we have a couple minutes of Ryan/Simon bickering which results in Ryan and Paula trading places for a bit.

A cute brunette gal named Samantha comes in and does “Don’t Know Why;” according to My Kid she sounds more like Fergie than Norah Jones. Ryan tries to critique her but Paula butts in and does some kind of drunken pantomime. It’s all very strange but thankfully our world is put back into kilter when Ryan and Paula go back to their proper places. Whew! Poor Samantha is probably wondering WTH she’s gotten into but they finally put her through to the next round.

Now we get to see a few more shots of good singers including one cute black girl that prompts My Kid to say “Oooh Fantasia! Didn’t she already win?” And some poor boy who looks like Tom Petty makes it through. Lots of jumping for joy and then one idge who says to the camera, “I am America’s next top model! Oh...”

The Hallmark movie moment of the evening is Angelica who is estranged from her dad, and her story goes on and on and on and suddenly we can’t hear anything except the violins. She sings a Celine Dion song and sounds so much like Celine that we expect to see the Titanic in the background. The judges coach her to please not be so mimicky in the future and give her a chance. Ryan calls her dad to tell him that his daughter is off to Hollywood. Who knew AI had Dr. Phil on the payroll?

Shouts of “hubba hubba” are heard all over my house when a quick shot of Daughtry’s latest vid comes up on the TV. This of course segues into the mostly bad rock star wannabes. Until finally we get a good one! David has the red dyed hair (a'la Gina) and is wearing a sweater vest from the Blake collection. He totally rocks it out on “Living on a Prayer,” provoking Simon to tell him that “other than being a little bit worthy that was good.” David did Bon Jovi proud and makes it through.

A Menudo reject is next, sporting a sparkling gold jacket and Moe haircut. Completely Wasted Paula emits a loud hiccup to Simon’s disgust. Menudo guy does a bad rendition of “Shout” and My Hubby says that this guy “sounds like he just got let out of a cab or something.” Heh. Simon proclaims that he’s everything he hates. And give Cher her jacket back.

The punishment portion of the show involves a creepy montage of “Stuck in the Middle With You.” “Clowns to the left and jokers to the right” indeed. Simon and Randy could say that about their female counterpart tonight. Perhaps The Powers That Be chose this song intentionally?

Only one person left in Omaha and his name is Leo; he looks like Pacey on Dawson's Creek. He hilariously explains that his mom always wanted a homecoming queen but hoped that it would be a girl. He does a not-as-good-as-Elliott version of “A Song for You.” He is charismatic, the judges love him, he makes it to Hollywood, and Paula jumps up and does a strange TOUCHDOWN cheer.

Quick flashes of more good ones that we did not get to see including one gal that looks like Nicole Richie. And then Omaha ends with a freaky guy screaming good-bye to the camera.

Up next is a new episode of House, FINALLY. (Stupid writers’ strike, hmph.)

Omaha’s Finest:
Best Guy Singer: Rocker David
Best Gal Singer: No stand-outs, probably Rachael
Best Back-story: None really but if forced at gunpoint to chose - Angelica

Quotes:
From the audition room, Randy and Simon can hear Jason’s girlfriend squeal when she sees his golden ticket.
Randy: “And there’s a squeak as he walks out the door.”
Simon: “He just stood on someone. He just stood on Ryan.”

Simon (singsong): “Paula… come to Simey…”

Ryan: (after getting “tapped” by the Goth wrestler): “Well that was FUN.”

Ryan: (in Paula’s seat): “How do I pretend to be overpaid for doing no work?”

About Leo –
Paula: “Good singer… I like him.”
Simon: “You want to take him home don’t you, like he’s a pet.”
Paula: “I do, yeah.”

Do these folks not realize that Dateline is watching??

‘Til tomorrow when it’s American Idol from Miami, Florida.