The Next 3 of the Top 12 Are A’right

Brooke White

I’ve been fighting a migraine all evening so my tolerance level for BS is set to less than zero. It feels like Sylar is cutting into my brain, but I have no superpowers for him to steal. Unless you count the ability to talk FOR-EV-ER about all things Idol, and I doubt that’s anything he’d want.

Speaking of Heroes, that show is going downhill as rapidly as this one, yes? Can either of them be saved? It’d be cool if there could be a crossover. Different networks, so it’s not possible, but a gal can dream. Simon could be the one whose touch turns everyone to ice and they freeze and shatter. But enough of that nonsense because it’s time to get down to the business of destroying nine lives.

“What. Have. You. Done?” asks Seacrest. He is thinking that hopefully none of the 25 million votes were cast for the Richard-Simmons-meets-Olivia-Newton-John class clown.

We are reminded that tonight’s top 3 will be the female and male with the highest votes, and then “whoever” is next. They will join last week’s Group One survivors Alexis, Danny, and Michael.

Quick flashes to audition-Hollywood-chair. We are reminded that Kris, Jesse and Mishavonna had little to no air time and poor Hot Legs Jeanine had nada. Dreams and destiny and babies mixed with lots of hugs equals pure mush.

The group song is “Closer,” by someone I do not know and have never heard of. I wonder if it is like a cool Brenda Johnson “(The) Closer” or a bad Julia Roberts “Closer?” The lyrics are somewhat nasty for a show during family hour, so it’s more like the latter.

Since I have no basis for comparison, the singing does not sound that bad to me. Nick/Norman obviously does not know the words or how to move about in a group setting. Of course, the rest of them don’t either except for Adam who is (as we all know forever and forever) Broadway’s favorite son/daughter/thang. Anyways, they “just can’t stop” for a thousand years of singing in unison with no apparent harmony.

Recap time… Jasmine was not going to write Disney a love song even if they asked for one. Matt G. could not remember ever ruling the world without his piano. This love was taking its toll on Jeanine and her long legs. The American Idol logo was molested by Nick/Norman and his sassy pants. If we could only see the way Matt B. chose this song maybe we would understand. What becomes of the broken hearted is what Kai’s fright-fro wants to know. Kris was looking at the man in the mirror and it looked like Archie in 10 years. All the boys thought Jesse was a spy and wondered who’s Bette Davis? Adam tried and he tried and he tried but couldn’t get there cuz that happens sometimes when you’re bi. Megan put her records on right next to her white dress’s pom poms. Mishavonna had drops of Jupiter in her hair-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh. Allison wanted to know how to get “chew” alone and dye your hair red.

Because we all love Q&A from nervous contestants, it’s now time for Round Table with Ryan. Nick just wants employment. (May we recommend America’s Got Talent or Last Comic Standing?) Matt is not too old to learn new things and take advice from the snarky Brit. (He tries to make nice but Cowell ain’t having any of it.) Jesse makes weird faces and acts like the dumb one in Mean Girls. (But can she tell the weather with her boobs?) Jeanine admits to owning a fine pair of sticks and makes no apology for the boots-with-shorts combo. (Perhaps there will be another season of Farmer Takes a Wife?)

Ryan calls Allison to the stage first. She is a cute girl but the burgundy (dark fuchsia? mahogany?) helmet hair is clashing with the Minnie Mouse shirt and hooker heels. She squees a bit and then “too cool for school” Jesse and big tuff welder Matt B. are also called. Tick tock tick tock, wasting time asking Jackson what he thinks. Dawg.

It’s not really a surprise that Telemundo’s own Allison is the first one to make it to the silver spaceship stool. She is so girly and giggly until! She takes the stage and owns it. My Hubby and I have a girl this very same age and we know that it’s totally possible for them to be that way. It makes Allison a more interesting contestant, and she does the Wilson Sisters proud on their song “Alone.” (Better yet, she makes me forgive my daughter for all of her unfortunate experiments with crazy hair color.)

Next up to the center stage, are husky chick Megan Joy, who has discovered a hair straightener, and brown-eyed cutie-patootie Kris Allen. Added to that duo are piano man Matt G. and Jeanine who’s playing the role of Pocahontas tonight. Or maybe it’s Ellie Mae? No matter because she and Matt are soon sent back to the couches. Now Megan looks like she is going to faint while Kara goes on for a crazillion years about Kris being awesome.

Since we already have one female, it would make common sense for the next choice to be a male. Because the 3rd choice can be anyone, right? And that would ruin some of the suspense. (Oh, but math confuses me.)

When it’s all added up, it’s evident that Kris is the one picked between him and Megan. Even though HE is surprised and so is everybody. We here at Aunt Pearl’s house can not remember a time that a song by Mister Jerkwad, er Michael Jackson actually worked out for anyone.

At any rate, Kris is adorable and Megan will not get to be the random blonde pretty girl in the top 12 this year. At least not yet; Wild Card show still to come lest we forget.

We have to sit through the mirror song again but it doesn’t look like Kris needs to “change his ways” very much. He’s cute in a grown-up WebKinz way and has a serviceable set of pipes.

So the two we have so far – Allison and Kris – have made it to the top 12 in spite of having little air time in the previous six weeks of this show. Wow. Simon was not the only one praying last night.

For no apparent reason other than a way to waste time between now and that ridiculous cooking show, we see an Idols Past montage. It’s the same one that aired at the beginning of the season, with lots of Clay in all his different personas, Elliott’s adorable mom, and all of the winning champs’ confetti. Anything that ends with David Cook being happy is a good thing for me, so I’m okay with this filler.

Thank goodness the “hulu” aliens that abducted Brooke White last year have brought her back safe and sound. America’s favorite barefoot nanny is back at her piano, looking rested, pretty and as sweet as we remember. She sings a song she co-wrote called “Hold Up My Heart” and does not stutter a single note. I am going right to iTunes to purchase this ditty, because it’s a neat song and sunny Brooke is worth 99 cents.

Back to eliminations… wow, Brooke made me forget all that for awhile. Ryan brings the remaining five kids down to the stage. Cute Mishavonna, Kai “Frodo,” Adam “Minnelli,” bedazzled Jasmine, and Nick/Norman/or is it Normund? I don’t care, just want him gone. (If he makes it through, I welcome Sylar to come and finish cutting the top of my head off.)

Ryan dismisses Mishavonna, Kai and Jasmine just-like-that. Poof be gone. Last week’s last two standing was diva Tatiana and shoo-in Danny. Because the producers of this show think that we all have the last name of Gump, we have a déjà vu moment. We are made to believe that it’s now between the (Cl)ass Clown and the Chosen One. Riiiiight.

Just like last week there is fake tension and then! Adam makes it and Nick/Norman/ Normund/ whatever-the-heck is sent back to wherever they locked up Del Torro.

Adam and his very tight pants can still get no “Satisfaction” not even with a chain belt thingy from the Daughtry collection. My Kid is overjoyed because she loves everything about him and his black nails and humongous rings and ironed black hair. Adam has a practically perfect voice but he’s more Edward Scissorhands than Edward Cullen, RANDY.

So now there are six… four guys and two gals, and so far the (mostly) whitest bunch of contestants we’ve ever seen on the show. Two of them shoved in our face from day one, two dark horses, and two talented newcomers.

Tonight’s Quotes:

Allison: “I am just so freakin’ happy right now!” (this is exactly what my teenage kid would say.)

Kris: “I feel really freakin’ nervous right now.” (ditto to above)

Paula: “Simon, you’re a GNAT!”

Brooke White (to the contestants): “Don’t google your name.”

Simon: “I’m hoping me and God have got a good relationship right now.”

The last group performs next Tuesday: Arianna Afsar, Ju’Not Joyner, Kristen McNamara, Nathaniel Marshall, Lil Rounds, Jorge Nuñez, Kendall Beard, Scott MacIntyre, Felicia Barton, Von Smith, Taylor Vaifanua, and Alex Wagner-Trugman.

I am most excited about Lil and hope she does well. It will be interesting to see how they spin Felicia replacing controversial Joanna Pacitti.

Wednesday will be results night for group 3, which will bring us 9 total contestants that have been voted through by the masses. Thursday is the Wild Card show and the judges will pick the final 3 of the top 12. With four judges and only 3 silver stools, someone is getting left out. Now who needs Sylar?

The 2nd Group of 12 Do Not “Bring It”

I was looking forward to American Idol all day yesterday, just to find out that it had been moved to tonight. From January to May, Tuesday without Idol is like SpongeBob without Patrick. Dean Winchester without his Impala or Jack Bauer without explosives.

Hopefully it will be worth the wait because it’s been a long day. Casual Day Ryan tells us that we are the Judge & Jury and will decide which three of tonight’s singers will advance to the Top 12.

Ryan chats with the judges who are thankfully aligned in a row in which we are familiar, with Simon on the end where he belongs. The judges tell the contestants that they need to “bring it” with the “right songs,” and Kara’s hair looks pretty.

The gal who drew the short straw in the spot of doom is cute teenager Jasmine Murray. I have liked her from the beginning when she sang the Fergie song. Tonight she’s doing the one that Ann Marie dissed last week, “Love Song” by Sara Bareilles. Jasmine does okay, considering what she has to work with. This ditty is repetitive and gets stuck in your head but does not showcase her vocal talent very well. At critique time, she’s told that she is pitchy and all over the place. The good news is that she is “commercial,” you know, like a shiny red Ford 150 pickup truck. Jasmine says that she had fun so it’s all good.

Unlike last week’s “family in the red room,” tonight they stay in the audience away from Ryan’s microphone. We do not even get to see if they have cool tee shirts. Bummer.

Another random observation: where the heck are Rickey Minor and the band?? Are they backstage? Are the contestants singing to backing tracks? (If so, that is a big step back for this show.) And why aren’t any of them playing instruments like last year? Not sure what is going on this season…

Up next is Matt Giraud, who did so well during Hollywood with his keyboard and Ray Charles style. Tonight he’s doing the Coldplay song about when iTunes ruled the world. His voice and performance are both painful; he’s like Nemo in the fish tank instead of the ocean. It’s just that bad and seems to never end. It sounds like he’s singing into a fan and not the good CD-buying kind. All of the judges agree that the viewing audience should remember how great he did earlier in the season and forget tonight. Simon even cuts to the chase and calls it horrible. Looks like Matt will be back to dueling-piano-playing soon.

We have not had a chance to meet Jeanine Vailes yet, so she makes up for it by appearing half nekkid. Daisy Duke only wishes she had short-shorts this revealing. Paired with a tuxedo jacket and CFM shoes, at least she’s got the “I must look like a slut in my music video” thing going for her. Unfortunately, she sings the Maroon 5 song that Blake Lewis did better, “This Love.” The background vocals are not blending with her voice at all. After telling her eight thousand times that she has “great legs,” she finally gets a “nice lips,” too. Nothing good about her song choice though.

Next up is the bane of my Idol existence, Nick/Norman Mitchell/Gentle. Having this dude in the semi-finals is fueling the flames of this show’s critics everywhere and rightly so. It’s like putting Randy Hickey as the point guard in the Final Four. In other words, FOUL! As expected, Nick is ridiculously over-the-top and does a Weird Al Yankovic version of the Dreamgirls song. Simon actually says that he PRAYS Nick does not make it through. (Wow. Simon praying. Not two words I ever thought I’d see together.) Of course the other three think it’s funny as all get-out. Gawsh.

Well, tonight is not going well so far, and I feel almost as sick to my stomach as Nick’s poor dad. Poor guy sat in the audience with that deer-in-headlight look. Here at Aunt Pearl’s house we are contemplating (to paraphrase Ladies Home Journal): “Can This Show be Saved?”

Moving on… red-haired teenager Allison Iraheta is the pride and joy of Telemundo. They don’t tell us during the show about her previous contest winnings because we don’t speak Spanish yet. Allison is giggly and inarticulate during Ryan-banter, but she blows us away with her rendition of Heart’s “Alone.” Carrie who? I like this kid’s voice a lot and so do the judges. She gets a “blew it out da box” from Randy and the old “Phone Book” standard from Paula. They even give her the Kelly Clarkson comparison, which could be the kiss of death. (Carly Smithson anyone?)

Another guy that we have seen very little of, Kris Allen, is up next. Fresh-faced and clean-cut, he looks like he could be David Archuleta’s older brother. My Hubby and I roll our eyes when we hear he’s doing “Man in the Mirror.” White boys should not sing Michael Jackson songs; it’s just creepy. Kris doesn’t have a terrible voice but it’s nothing special, very blah. Like almost everyone before him tonight, Kris gets told that he did better in the earlier rounds. We hope so because we did not get to see that. The judges are mixed and want to say mostly good things, maybe to pull us from this loll we are in tonight.

Megan Corkery is a gorgeous young lady and a single mom. The tattoo on her arm looks like one of those fake sleeves, but alas the gaudy thing is real. She has a unique voice and does mostly good on “Put Your Records On.” There are parts of her vocal that are as off as Antonella’s in season 6 though. Evidently the judges are hearing something totally different than us, because they think she’s great. Kara must have a marketing degree because she goes on and on about the “complete package.” Randy name-drops a few people that he probably has not worked with before because they’re from this decade.

Those within the AI bubble already know that Matt Breitzke is a welder and family man. He also has a very good voice from what we’ve seen so far. Too bad tonight he chooses something all wrong for him, “If You Could Only See” by Tonic. It’s so vanilla and not in a good Breyers Double Churned Light way. Matt can sing much better than this, although at least he is hitting the notes. Simon reminds him of how much he likes the working man but didn’t like the song. The other judges concur and Matt disagrees with them. Never a good idea to talk back, especially when they are not wrong.

Blues artist Jonny Lang’s sister, Jesse Langseth is up next. She is one of those gals who can put on some make-up and look like a completely different person. Her voice sounds like Megan’s, smoky and different. She sings one of my favorite songs when I was in high school – “Bette Davis Eyes.” (Naturally My Kid says WHO?) Jesse does a decent job of Kim Carnes, although she loses some of the higher notes. For some reason, the judges don’t like Jesse as much as we think they should. Jesse doesn’t help matters by going into Brooke White babble mode. “Too cool for school?” Nah.

Caretaker Kai Kalama sure looks better with a hat on. He has a really handsome face when the caught-in-weed-whacker ‘fro is covered. Tonight Kai sings an old R&B song “What Becomes of the Brokenhearted.” His voice is fine, but like so many others tonight he is playing it too safe. There is no “oomph” to his performance. Although Kai sang better than most of tonight’s folks, he gets ripped to shreds during judge time. Every card is played from “pitchy” to “hotel singer.” It seems the judges are harsher on the ones that they don’t think are as “commercial” even if they sing better.

Cute teenager Mishavonna Henson promises America that she will not let us down tonight. Not sure how she can keep that promise when she says she’s singing “Drops of Jupiter,” one of the most annoying songs ever. Her voice sounds okay for the most part, and thank goodness she does not show us a “permanent scar” like Ace Young did a few years ago. Her outfit screams young Jenna Rink in 13 Going on 30. After arguing about what the stupid song even means, the judges finally tell Mishavonna that she needs to loosen up and act her age. Simon even says she’s cold, as if he can talk.

We are reminded for the zillionth time that Adam Lambert is a seasoned pro at theatrical performing. Of course he is in the pimp spot this evening because that is how this show rolls. Adam promises to get the over-singing under control and dial the flamboyancy down a notch. It looks like he is successful because he goes a good job on “Satisfaction;” he does not try to mimic Mick Jagger’s vocal style. However, towards the end he goes way above and beyond the call of duty. That sound your cat makes when you hit its tail with the rocking chair? That’s Adam. Naturally the judges love him six ways from Sunday.

There is no doubt that Adam Lambert will be one of the three passed on to the top 12 tomorrow night. Who the other two will be is anyone’s guess. If the judges have their way, the female contestant will be pretty blonde Megan although Allison sang the best tonight. As long as one of them is NOT Nick Mitchell, I don’t really care.

Best Quotes:

Ryan: “You look great in every seat, Randy.”

Ryan: “You should see me do the ‘Cold Hearted Snake,’ Paula.”

So ends the worst episode of American Idol ever in eight seasons. As My Kid says, Oh Em Gee. THAT was ruff. With apologies to Buffy Summers, tonight’s show happened to “on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it.”

The First 3 of the Top 12 = Awesome

Michael Johns and Carly Smithson

For the most part, Tuesday night’s performance episode was like a train wreck. Tonight is when the clean up crew comes in to sweep the debris from the tracks.

Ryan says that 24 million votes came in, which is approximately the same number as the dedicated viewing audience. You go Idol fans!

Tonight 9 people will get the ax and 3 will remain. This is a difficult format to get used to, and I find myself having to explain it to My Hubby and My Kid more than once. And trying to describe the Wild Card show later this season? It’s just too much work…

First we have filler fodder with Ryan/Judges banter. There are double entendres galore and really not necessary, but that’s just how it goes with Cowell & Seacrest sometimes.

Simon claims that he is impressed with Kara’s performance as a judge so far, which translates to “she can complete a coherent sentence and form words of more than one syllable.” It has been a nice change of pace so far.

Now it’s Group Song Time! The twelve do the Jason Mraz song “I’m Yours” because every time we turn our radio on, that song is playing. We all know this one and can sing along. My Kid says that they look like they are doing Ring Around the Rosie and she expects them to all fall down any minute. The singing is not bad, especially when they sing in trios. As far as choreography goes, the stand-outs during the Group Song are Stephen and Anoop. All of the brunette girls seem to cancel each other out in a weird way. By the end of the song it’s evident that this ditty is not meant to be sung by a group.

Recap of last night’s “raw” show… Jackie wanted a little less conversation and little more spandex please. Ricky had no bad rhyme with his song for us. Michael didn’t wanna be anything other than in the top 12. Stevie could not find any notes that belonged to her. Casey did every little thing wrong but was so pretty. Stephen rocked his way back to Cleveland. Brent returned to his country roots in Hicktown. Tatiana was saving all of her love for the guy with the “sound stick.” Anoop is the angel of UNC and NC BBQ. Ann Marie was a natural woman as opposed to processed. Alexis never loved a man the way that we all love her. Danny said the hero lies in all of us and we believe him.

Ryan chats with a few of the nervous contestants for awhile. Jackie gives herself a solid B+ for last night. The outfit still gets an F though. Anoop admits that he is only calm on the outside. Humble Tatiana is evidently on her medication. Or maybe Paula’s? Stevie is still confused about the whole “in the box/out of the box” advice from the judges.

Now it’s time to get down to business. There are 3 water-fountain-shaped seats for the 3 singers that are moving on to the next round.

First up is Casey who admits her song choice was bad but she had fun. She is not making it to the Top 12, but hopefully she can get on a soap or that Tyra modeling show.

Next up is Stephen and he and his Buckwheat hair are dismayed that they are not making it through. One day perhaps these kids will learn that doing MJ is the kiss of death.

Alexis is up next and the audience goes wild. Good to know that we are not the only ones who love her. I’m so thrilled that she made it to Top 12 that I get a bit misty-eyed, especially when I see her parents. My Kid says, “I did not know her dad was Jerry Garcia.”

Thankfully cute Alexis is wearing a hat from the Johnny Depp collection instead of Aretha’s. She does get to sing Ms. Franklin’s song again though.

Having the Top 3 repeat their songs is SO much better than having the losers do theirs again amidst tears and meltdowns.. I am really liking this format now. It would be a very long show if the 9 rejects had to sing, so duh.

Ryan calls Ricky and Jackie up next. After jerking them around awhile, they learn that both of them are going home. This is too bad because Ricky never stood a chance with no previous air time. (I just noticed that he looks a bit like CCM artist Jeremy Camp.)

Anoop and Michael are called up together next. We hope that this time it’s a two-fer because we like both of these guys. Unfortunately, Anoop did not make it which is a surprise. Hopefully he’ll get another chance during the Wild Card round.

Michael reprises the Gavin DeGraw song but we’re too disappointed to enjoy it now. I like him a lot but it’s too bad that both of our NC guys are out of the competition.

Next we get an infomercial for The American Idol Experience at Disney World. They show short clips of all of the past Idols who attended the opening. Cookie and Carrie-bot sing a Fleetwood Mac song together and they sound pretty good.

Tonight’s special guests are last season’s Michael Johns and Carly Smithson. Carly tells a funny story about losing her wig while on tour, and I expect Paula to stand up and say “Me too!” They sing the song they did together during the finale last year called “The Letter.” I read on the AI website that Michael and Carly also coached the contestants during Hollywood Week. That would have been much more interesting to watch than the season 8 Drama Queens.

The lights dim again and Ryan asks Ann Marie, Brent and Stevie to stand. They don’t even rate a walk down to center stage? That’s cold. Not surprisingly, all three are going home.

Now we have the last two remaining – Danny and Tatiana. This should be a no-brainer, but we’ve seen enough of these elimination episodes to know that sometimes the wrong person goes home.

Ryan draws the suspense out for at least one hundred thousand years and everybody just wants to KNOW already. We’re all aware of the anti-Idol web sites out there that encourage viewers to vote for whoever is the most terrible. This could go either way; even Paula seems nervous.

Finally we learn that Danny is the one going to the Top 12. Thank God! I was not looking forward to boycotting American Idol forever. Strange how the camera lingers on Tatiana, who cries and cries but with no tears.

When Danny sings “Hero” again, we are too relieved to be annoyed at how the camera still wants to focus on Tatiana instead of the one who is actually singing. Perhaps they are waiting for her vasovagal syncope?

As long as Danny and his supporters will let Sophia rest in peace, I will remain his loyal fan. Hopefully they will learn from David Cook last year – he was able to win American Idol without ever mentioning his brother’s battle with cancer. Danny and Crew: take a note from this page please. There’s only so much more we can take.

My Kid mentions that Danny is like Cook and Archuleta combined – he has the awesome gravelly voice of one and the “I want to give you sunshine and puppies” of the other.

Two of my favorites are in the Top 12 – Alexis and Danny – and I’m okay with Michael too. America got this one right (mostly.)

Group 2 will perform next Tuesday. They are: Megan Corkery, Kris Allen, Mishavonna Henson, Matt Breitzke, Allison Iraheta, Matt Giraud, Jasmine Murray, Kai Kalama, Jesse Langseth, Adam Lambert, Jeanine Vailes, and blech! Nick Mitchell.

Best Quote of the Evening:

Michael (about his friends back home): “They're either making fun of me for being a sissy, or they're proud.”

‘Til Tuesday!