Eight Gals Go For It!

March 7, 2007

American Idol Season 4 winner, Carrie Underwood will be in da house tomorrow night!

Have been fighting a very bad cold and the cold won. Am high on Sudafed while watching the show tonight and the main thing my brain thinks is “wow, look at the pretty colors…” Thank goodness for DVR so that I can “enjoy” the show later in a more coherent state of mind.

It seems that Paula is MIA tonight and so is Ryan’s neck. At least we know the latter is hidden under yards of black cloth. The gals look pretty as usual tonight, most of them very stylish.

They found Paula, thank goodness! Randy and Simon joke that she was under the desk and Ryan reminds them that this is a family show, folks. And we are LIVE, ‘k?

So it’s the ladies’ turn to reveal something about themselves, and first up is sweet little Jordin. Oh how adorable she is when she talks about how much she loves football. Jordin sings “Heartbreaker,” one of my favorite songs when I was her age. Which means that this song is very very old, probably older than Jordin’s mom. While Jordin is no Pat Benatar, she does okay with this song. She commands the stage and seems more in her element with this type of music than last week’s glurge. She looks gorgeous tonight, with Latoya Jackson hair. The judges already like the gals better than the guys last night. Judge 3 says it was manic and shrieky but so is his man-cleavage, so heh. I love the way that Jordin does the “Justin Timberlake at the Golden Globe Awards imitating Prince” thing, what a hoot.

Ryan reminds us that the lovely Carrie will be on Thursday’s show, then chats with Gina and Sabrina. Both of these ladies look better than ever, which mewonders if the stylists are already on the scene? Last year, they did not show up until the Top 12 rolled out.

Next is Sabrina, who reveals that she wanted to be the next Katie Couric. They show cute footage of her “news reporting” days. Tonight, Sabrina looks more like a movie star than ever and sings some song that sounds familiar. She goes off the deep end on a couple of notes, but it might just be the meds playing tricks with my hearing. By the end, I realize that she is doing an En Vogue song from the 90’s. Randy and Paula are fine with Sabrina’s performance but Simon says she is robotic and gave a hotel resort performance. Funny moment when Paula says that she would go to that hotel and Simon says that he would send her. Ba da boom.

Antonella is up next, so it’s a good time to take a nap. She reveals that she is a violin player, and 30 trazillion people all over the world sigh and say PLEASE go back to that. Tonight, Antonbratla sings some song that I have never heard and even if I did, it would not be recognizable from the butchering that she gives it. This chick is not even good enough for the Pussycat Doll competition, even in that outfit. Snnnark. Judges one and two try to handle her oh-so-delicately. Even Simon wears kid gloves by telling her that she has handled her scandal well. Overbite Girl basically rants and raves about how she is just as good as the rest of the girls, blah blah blah and Ryan looks at her like she has cooties. Man, I love this show!

Now we have Haley and she talks about her gymnastics days. This is a very good thing to know, that she has something to fall back on. Okay, so her body is worn out and she can’t perform, but maybe teaching? Cuz, dawg. Singing is not her best thang. Tonight, Haley is very pretty in a generic Miss San Antonio kinda way. I think she is singing a country song, maybe Faith Hill? It is not very good, especially the last “yeah” at the end. But the good news is that she is a good wedding singer and people get married every weekend, so she will never lack for work. If the gym teacher thing does not work out. Judges do not have much good to say, and Simon puts the cherry on top by telling her that he doesn’t even know her name. Ouch.

We are ready for Stephanie, who tells us that she used to be really shy and would run and hide whenever her parents would axe her to sing in public. Tonight she does another shouty song that sounds exactly like all the other shouty songs that she has done so far. She is very fashionably beautiful and has the best wardrobe of any contestant on the show ever. I hope she sticks around just so we can she what she is going to wear next. Judges have mixed emotions about Steph’s performance tonight, but all of them call her on being cookie-cutter and copy-cat.

Ryan and LaKisha have an “oh get a room already!” moment and then she tells us (via video) that she is terrified of all animals. Tonight, she sings the song that Kat McPhee sang last year when her long yellow dress started coming apart and 30 crazillion fans got a glance at her undies. My God, I hope that doesn’t happen tonight with LaKisha and whew, we are safe. That was close. LaKisha looks lovely tonight in a black satin dress and she has the Paula/Sanjaya hairdo. And look, so does her mom. The judges love her even though this song has been done right to death on this show. Sweet moment when Simon tells her that she looks beautiful. And LaKisha is endearing when she says of her proud and cheering family, “I told them not to act up!”

Commercials… A new show called The Wedding Bells is coming up next. I don’t really care about this type of show, but they have been showing the previews of it eleventy-five grazillion times for the past month, so I feel compelled. Brainwashed? Me? But I digress ...

It’s a pillow fight with Ryan and the girls (or was that redundant, ha ha.) Then Gina totally wins me over by talking about her lucky charms; she is precious in her video. But tonight she sings an Evanescence song. And unless your name is Amy Lee, then you should not do any Evanescence song. Amy is my very favorite female singer right now and there is just no one like her. To quote MC Hammer, Gina “can’t touch this.” My Kid loves Gina’s outfit but is very disappointed in her performance. The judges must not know Amy’s version or they surely would have ripped Gina a new one. I mean, that is what we hear ad nauseam if someone dares to do Whitney or Celine, right? Funny comment by Gina, that the rocker chick outfit she has on now is what she wears around the house. Including those fishnet gloves? Yep, My Kid likes those too. Figures.

Finally, the lady that I have waited for all night – Melinda! She talks about her OCD and that she considers it to be “equal opportunity.” It’s all very complicated. Tonight, Melinda proves once again that she stands head and shoulders above the rest of the contestants. She has already won this competition, bar none, with this rendition of “I’m a Woman.” Mel looks drop-dead gorgeous in a sexy dress; did not know girlfriend had it in her. Let’s hear it for “The Gayles!” My Kid says Melinda is awesome with a capital A.W.E.S.O.M.E. The judges love her as they should and Simon calls her a tiger, heart sigh. Very funny moment when Ryan tells Melinda to not be scared and she says she’s not but then looks at the camera like “EEEK!” She is so great.

Best in Show – Melinda by a country mile!

Going home – Haley and Antonella (Posh Spice is in the U.S. now - look her up.)

Now pardon me while I slip back into my Sudafed coma...

Eight Not-So-Great Guys

March 6, 2007

The best thing about tonight’s show is that House is finally back on TV afterwards. YAY!

So is it me, or do Ryan, the judges, and all eight guys look totally bored?? Okay, maybe it’s just me. Wish I could muster up some enthusiasm, but to paraphrase Greg Behrendt, I am Just Not That Into It. Mainly because I won an iPod Nano at a meeting today and I am too busy trying to figure out how to download my Daughtry CD.

Flash forward to the present…

Ryan tells us that a very important announcement is coming up on Thursday’s show. Wonder if it is about the top-secret-hush-hush (NOT) songwriting contest?

The theme of tonight’s pre-song video clip is “something that you don’t know about me.” Blake is up first and he says that he is a comedian and then proceeds to embarrass the heck out of everybody with a “Billy Bubba” impression. Dude, no. Stick to singing and that beat boxing thing that you do, ‘k. I have never heard this song that Blake is doing tonight. My Kid says that it is reggae hip hop or some such and wow then Randy says the same thing. He and Paula like Blake’s modern vibe but Simon (and I) could not understand a word of it. Still like Blake though.

Ryan teases Sundance about his waterworks last week and Sundance blames it on Chris R. Then Ryan reminds us all that Sanjaya was sup-freakin-posed to LEAVE last week but the ‘tween voters will sit on the phone and hit re-dial for two solid hours. Okay, so that was an interpretation of the conversation, but we all got the gist.

After a mortifying “oooh, I can do the hula” moment that reminds me of “Peanut,” Sanjaya sings “Waiting on the World to Change,” a song that even I have heard, since I don’t live in a cave. My Kid squeaks and squeals and I just roll my eyes. San is cute but his voice is so weak and his performance is lifeless. He is so out of his league and the judges all agree. Simon even mentions that it’s his hairdo that is keeping him in the competition and doesn’t his hair look like Paula’s tonight?

Sundance shares with us that he is actually a thin guy and wears a fat suit on the show. Nah, he’s just kidding. Then they flash a photo-shopped pic of him and it’s just creepy. Thank goodness he has trimmed that devil beard a little bit though, whew. That thing scares me. Tonight, Sundance sings the Pearl Jam song, “Jeremy,” which my God. Depressing much?? Maybe next week he will follow this up with “Janie’s Got a Gun.” Randy and Paula like it but Simon says that Sundance reminds him of a bar singer. Sundance is like, dude I can NOT win with you.

Travis Tritt is in the audience tonight to plug his album that Randy is producing. They say it’s hot! And I believe it. If I was going to listen to country music, I would listen to Travis.

So next, Chris R. tells us that he used to play football but has lost weight since his college days. I just noticed that he is kinda nice looking and has a pretty smile. He sings a Keith Urban song tonight and I think it’s the one that Ace massacred during country week last year. Once again, two out of three judges praise him to the skies for reasons unknown to this old woman. Simon said that it was “cutesy” and Uncomfortable Moment number 106 ensues when Ryan wants to chat with Chris about his weight loss and Simon nixays that idea. Jerk.

Ryan chats with Jared about the Usher “face” thing and then the rest of the guys do it and it’s a hoot. Jared tells us that he played basketball and has really thick eyebrows. He is like the black male version of Brooke Shields. Tonight he sings an old Stevie Wonder song and is wearing a sweater vest from the Dr. Huxtable collection. I think his performance is great – his voice is good and he is energetic and entertaining. What a concept, right? Randy likes it but Paula rips him a new one, to the surprise of all and sundry. Simon is not wowed, then Randy backpeddles. It seems rather obvious that TIIC does not want Jared to be in the Top 12.

After Ryan, Brandon and Phil have lame and boring chit-chat about how disgusted the judges are this week, we finally get to another performance. Brandon reveals to us that he is a classical pianist which is cool; he is very good from the clip that we see. Tonight he sings a song that I think is called “Celebrate” and he does well with it. I like Brandon, have ever since the beginning of the show this year. For some reason, it seems like TIIC is trying to brainwash the voters against him. He gets faint praise from Randy and Paula but Simon shoots him down. Brandon is charming and mature and funny all at the same time, and hey we can’t have THAT this season, huh?

Now we have Phil telling us that he used to have hair. And now he doesn’t and he is known as the bald guy of American Idol. Uh, Phil? Make that the OTHER bald guy, ‘k? Tonight he sings the Leann Rimes song, “I Need You” and My Kid and I change the lyrics of this song to “I need you to never wear that hat again…..” The judges (at least one and two) want to like Phil but they think he is just strange. Simon comes right out and calls him a weirdo. I can’t help but wonder if Phil just WANTS to get voted off so that he can go home to his family.

Last but not least, Chris Sligh tells us that his “lush” curls are all his own, thank you very much. And oh my God!! He sings a song from the DC Talk CD Supernatural. It’s called “Wanna Be Loved.” Oh man, I miss DC Talk, even though I totally realize that they are all in solo careers right now. Love that Toby, Mike and Kevin! I enjoy Sligh’s rendition of this song but since it is contemporary Christian music, the judges can’t find it in their black hearts to give him too much praise. Randy does tell him that he is the best of the night, but that is not saying much. Simon proves that he is not Satan (that would be James Cameron) by telling Sligh that he has potential.
After a whole night of the mehs and the blahs, Chris Sligh is a refreshing change to the GOOD. As Coach Grant Taylor says, I am ready to “take a knee” and give thanks. Most def the best of the evening.

Recap time and vocal-wise, the weakest ones are Sanjaya and Chris R. Of course, neither of these guys will be voted off cuz of the cuteness of them both. Whatever. I have a feeling that Phil will get the boot as well as Jared or maybe Brandon.

Now it’s time to see what Dr. House is up to… and try to figure out this iPod! Nah, better just to give it to My Kid; she will know what to do.

2 out of 4 Ain’t Bad

March 1, 2007

For many reasons, I am very tardy on posting the results-night blog. I usually can not WAIT to vent my feelings. There is much life-stuff going on with work and church and whatnot. But the main reason, I have’ta admit – I am bored with a capital B.O.R.E.D with the show this season and have been uninspired to blog. Never ever thought that I would admit that…

As a borderline obsessive compulsive narcissist, I analyze the reasons why this could be possible. So let me count the ways…

1) There is no sexy-hot guy in a Daughtry way. No Flowing Locks of Ace. No Soul Patrol Soul Patrol! No Amish Elf (heart sigh, I miss Elliott the most.) Melinda and LaKisha fill the Mandisa void, so methinks I will be rooting for a lady this year.

2) Every other song that we have heard since this season began has been a repeat of something that a previous contestant has done better. My Kid and My Hubby tell me that I should just let this go and not let it aggravate me so much. Not even sure why it irks me so. Maybe because it makes the show feel like a re-run. And the only show that I can bear to watch in re-runs is My Name is Earl.

3) Ryan and The Judges are soooo predictable. ‘Nuff said about that.

4) Way too many of the Top 24 were not introduced until the very last mili-second of being chosen for the semi-finals. TIIC made a mistake not showing at least a snippet of these folks. The contestants are not on a level playing field when they do not get equal airtime.

5) Many eliminated contestants that we saw in the early eps were a zillion times better than most of the current Top 24. This year seems way too cookie-cutter. Hence the boredom of me.

6) So in other words - status quo!!

But I digress …

We watch the recaps of everyone – the good, the bad and the awesome. Then it is group sing time. “Jeremiah was a bullfrog!” I have never understood this darn song. The kids do okay with it and yep there it is – The Prerequisite Pointy Pose, y’all. Gotta have it.

Now it’s time to boot a dude. Ryan asks the back row of guys to stand. Phil, Sligh, Sundance, and Blake are the no-brainers and are told right off the bat that they are safe. Jared is asked to come stand with Ryan… tick tock tick tock… it was a fake-out cuz Jared is safe!

Then just-like-that, it’s no votes for Pedro. Nick is the first one going home. He reminds us that he has very cute dimples and a decent voice. I go get a nutty-buddy while he sings “Fever.”

Now it’s time to send Overbite Girl home, please for the love of GOD!! The obvious are told first that they are safe – Stephanie, Gina, Sabrina, and Melinda. Buh bye to Alaina who can always play in the next Charlie’s Angels movie. She is pretty enough. But she can’t sing that Dixie Chicks song and she doesn’t even try. It is sad and painful to watch. It seems like EVERYONE is crying. What the heck does TIIC DO to these kids behind the scenes???

Filler fodder with the stupid trivia question. Bored now.

Mae West comes out on stage to talk to Ryan. No wait. It’s Kellie Pickler. Wow, she is busting out of her dress, pardon the pun. Even Ryan is taking notice, snap! I tell My Hubby that now is a good time to take the dogs out, but his eyes are glued to the TV, mesmerized by the Pickler bosoms. Kellie sings a song that she co-wrote and I get over the irritation of her nasality long enough to realize that she is singing about her mom who abandoned her. Awwww it is sad and I am moved. And then it is finally mercifully over.

So now that we are all choked up… ‘bye to a guy time. Chris R. and Brandon are safe. You can tell that Brandon was worried. Sanjaya and AJ are left standing. Well, this is a no-brainer. The ‘tweens are all agog over itty bitty San, no matter that his voice is weak. He has not done well since his first audition which rocked. And yep, he will get another chance. AJ is out, much to San’s surprise. He does the girly omigod routine.

Awesome moment when Paula stands up and says, “This is a SINGING competition, yet I don’t feel tonight reflects that.” Uh, do whut Bubba? Since when has it been about singing?? Okay, moving on.

I actually stick around for AJ’s sing out, which he does very well. Just noticed that he is probably the tiniest human that has ever been on this show. Both guys and gals are still bawling.

NOW, we are going to lose Antonella. Please? Pretty please?? And no, it’s not the naughty photos that make me want her off this FAMILY show. As Paula just said, this is a SINGING competion, people. Not Playmate of the year. And she is the poorest singer in the competition.

So obviously LaKisha is safe, that was a gimme. Haley is safe, which is surprising. Coming to the front now are Overbite, Leslie, and Jordin. Yes, JORDIN. I can not freakin’ BELIEVE it. An-toilet-a (google her name if you don’t understand that nickname) is declared safe and teen-age boys and Vote for the Worst aficionados all over America are jumping for joy.

I have honestly never seen so many sobbing contestants. We need some Prozac, stat! Finally, Ryan tells Leslie that she is the one going home. She sings that very same song that AJ just sang. It’s a good song too, and they both did well. Leslie gives the angry edge to hers though, which is appropriate.

The “I’m going Home, to the place that I belong” videos are shown for the ousted four. Neither AJ nor Leslie deserved to go home tonight. What a rip off! At least Leslie got a dig in with the “America doesn’t like jazz” quip. Maybe she should have played the lupus card for some pity votes? Nah, she took the high road.

Oh well… we are stuck with two of the most insipid contestants in American Idol history. Next week’s eliminations will determine the Top 12. And ha! We thought it couldn’t get worse than Covais and McGhee.

Pardon the hysterical laughter…