Idol Begs Fans to “Give Back” a Whole Bunch’a $$$

April 25, 2007

Tonight promises to be the Biggest Night in American Idol History. Lots of guest stars and more footage of Famous People Doing Good Deeds. Too bad they couldn’t get Sally Struthers; she has been telling us this stuff for years.

Right off the bat Ryan flubs his lines as the all-in-white clad contestants look on. Well, at least he shaved, they are probably thinking.

When Ryan says that we are in for the most SHOCKING results in idol history, I scoff. Nothing beats the Daughtry elimination, dude. And we have two whole hours to go until we find out who is going to be leaving.

The judges are dressed for the prom; well, if your prom had a Saturday Night Live theme. For tonight’s special event Simon and Randy are sporting jackets and Paula is wearing massive cleavage.

Ryan introduces Ellen Degeneres who is hosting the event from the Disney concert hall in Florida. She is funny and delightful even though I just do not get that lesbo stuff. “It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing,” know what I mean?

First up is Earth Wind and Fire who perform a medley of their hits. Since this band is even before my time, now is a good time to go pop some corn. And some Milk Duds too, please; we are in for a long long show.

Randy discusses Hurricane Katrina and they show The Dawg going back to his home state. My truck driver Hubby has seen the results of poverty ravaged states all over the country and he gets a bit misty-eyed, especially when they show footage of the children. The best thing about kids, they are resilient and don’t let life get them down. They are so precious.

Quincy Jones, who produced “We are the World” 20 some years ago, has written a special song for the children of Africa. We see him practicing with the kids and then they perform the song “Time to Care” against the backdrop of more footage of beautiful, sad, poor children. Quincy is there directing the band. This is the very best group song in the history of American Idol. They should have Quincy Jones on every year.

Next we have a couple of TV stars tooting the Idol charity telephone number and a shot of Sanjaya & Sis in the audience. I thought that he is out doing talk shows.

Ben Stiller, star of one of my favorite movies, Night at the Museum, says that he is going to start singing and will not stop until 200 million dollars is raised. He is so funny and doesn’t do too badly on the Styx song, but then again it’s Styx…

More footage of Ryan and Simon’s African trip and we are once again reminded of how wonderful and precious these children are in spite of their horrendous living conditions. Not to get all Michael Savage, but while watching this I can not help but wonder why these people keep having children that they can not feed??? Why not send some Ortho Tri-Cyclen or some Trojans in with the food and other supplies? Just saying. At any rate, I am moved to go to the AI web page and donate.

Okay the Ben Stiller thing is now getting old. I like him better with animated dinosaur skeletons and miniature Cowboys & Indians.

Now we have a cameo appearance from the Corpse Bride, no wait it is Teri Hatcher, Ryan’s ex and a Desperate Housewife.

Forest Whiteker, who just won an Oscar, gives a shout out to the show too. (Every time I see Forest, I can’t help but think of that “Dil is really a guy!!” movie.)

It’s a different kind of “crying game” as Ryan starts the “are you safe” countdown, in random order. Melinda is safe, which rules out the “most shocking results” theory.

Paula takes a trip to the Boys and Girls Club and does interviews with the workers and the kids. It is very sad and poignant at the same time. My Kid tries not to let us see her wipe a tear but we all know she is a softie.

Ellen channels her inner Abdul by mumbling something about the 20 in your coat pocket that you don’t remember. Then Il Divo starts to sing and after three notes of that, I am outta here. Just not into that long-haired music as my granny used to call it. Don’t care that this is Simon's pet project.

Dr. Phil tells us that “you will never stand taller than when you stoop to help a child.” Awww. I like Dr. Phil better when he’s portrayed by Rich Little. Oooh, and it’s Dr. House with his authentic British accent. That is so weird.

Ryan asks a member of the studio “all-dience” to come up to introduce the next act. And look! It’s Jack Black! He pushes “Cresty” away as he explains that he wants to sing and be judged by our very own panel. He proceeds to sing “Kiss From a Rose” on the ring?? Hmm, thought it was kiss from a rose on the grave? My Kid says that its actually from the grey. No matter, since Jack is super hilarious and even Paula gets in on the comedy by telling him that “School of Rock called - they want their diploma back.” But Seal is there and he tells him that it was good. Jack skips off the stage singing “The Greatest Love of All.” Classic.

Next we learn that Blake is safe and My Kid is ecstatic. Now I am confused. If tonight’s vote off is going to be the most shocking ever, it would mean that Melinda, Blake or Jordin will be going home. Mindy Doo and Beat Box are safe so we are down to Jordin. Now I’m getting nervous.

Carrie Underwood, who is too gorgeous to even be real, sings The Pretenders song that Gina did earlier this season. She is surrounded by sweet African children during “I’ll Stand By You.” The words to this song take on a more special meaning in this video.

Ellen cracks on Sanjaya before introducing Rascal Flatts. My Kid loves this group but it is just a bit too nasally for me (sorry Chris R.) so now is a good time to take the dogs out. Oh dear Lord, it is still going when we get back. My Kid is goo-goo eyeing the guitar player.

Myspace is plugged again and My Kid says “Thanks Tom, for giving stalkers a vast playground.” She is just sour graping since she is forbidden to have a myspace account and is still bitter.

Paula narrates the video of the trip to the Appalachian Mountains. Just learning how to read is a struggle to these poor kids but they are white, so quite frankly nobody cares. No bandwagon to get on there folks, so move it along. Sorry to say it, but facts are facts y’all.

A “very special” Ford video with the kids singing “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” and ending up a the drive-in theater (a’la Taylor and Kat last year.) Then it’s 36 stars jamming and lip syncing to “Staying Alive.” The ones that I recognize are: the super skinny gal from the Pirates movies, Teri Hatcher, Rob Lowe, Goldie Hawn, some basketball player, Ross from Friends, Brad Pitt's ex-girlfriend, House!, a British actress, the baked-beans-throwing Hugh Grant, Buffy!!, Shaq, Dr. Phil, our very own Seacrest, the lady who played The Queen, those blue guys, JLo's hubby, Phoebe from Friends, a couple of SNL guys, is that the Scrubs dude?, a Monkee, the Will & Grace guy, Kirstie Alley, Kevin Bacon, ooh was that Dana Scully!?, and Miss Piggy.

The only thing I get from this right mess is that Rob Lowe is still gorgeous and this question - why the bleeding H are most H’wood actresses so war camp refugee skinny? They look more ravaged than some of the African kids in the clips.

We are reminded that AI and iTunes are dating, and then Ryan tells Phil that he is safe. That is 3 down and 3 to go.

While Snow Patrol’s song plays in the background, we are shown more footage of the Seacrest/Cowell trip to Africa. So very sad as an AIDS patient dies and Ryan and Simon cry. At this point I have pretty much had it. Okay so this show is giving back. Yay, 5 million bucks so far, big whoop. This show makes 30 million a WEEK so big freaking @$$ whoop.

A very serious Ellen donates 100 grand and gets teary. She introduces Josh Groban who sings the “You Raise Me Up” song backed by an African Children’s Choir. I still like the Selah version of this song better but oh well… this performance is very profound and moving. The childrens’ smiles light up the auditorium.

We are now introduced to some more reps from some filthy stinking rich companies. It is not impressive so far that multi-billionaires are donating what renders to be pocket change. It’s like me putting a quarter in the offering plate on Sunday morning and calling it my weekly tithe. Pleazzzzzzze.

Next we have a bevy of stars revealing how many funerals they have been to, including Chris Daughtry who has attended four. This segues to an elderly gentlemen who has been to 208 funerals. We are back in Africa and Ryan is telling us about the malaria epidemic. It is tragic how many children die, and it seems so unfair. I say to My Hubby why do they keep having kids that they can not feed??? And he says that it is their culture and the children are all they have. So sad.

Ellen introduces Kelly Clarkson, who for some reason is wearing a muumuu. What is up with that? She is a striking gal and has a great voice. I don’t know the song she is singing, “Up to the Mountain;” it is slow and bluesy. Kelly reminds me of a young Linda Ronstadt, my all-time favorite musical artist in the world.

By this point, at my house, we are all worn out. My Kid teases me that I am more upset about the potential losing of Jordin than I am about world hunger. I tell her to hush up and go make more popcorn.

More Ben Stiller and then a Simpsons spoof. I don’t like the Simpsons but My Kid and Hubby do, so they enjoy this. Gotta admit that the Simon cartoon singing “Dontcha” was hysterical. And oh snap, a Dunkleman joke.

More corporations are plugged blah blah blah and then we find out that LaKisha is safe. Crap this leaves Chris and Jordin. Ryan said that this will be a SHOCKING results show. Chris leaving will not be shocking so this means… crap!

Randy talks about school supplies or something for kids, not sure, I am too upset about Jordin to listen. I really really do care about poor children, I really do. Promise. I am donating. Really. But what about JORDIN!!!???

Ryan has been given a flux capacitator, created a time machine and has taken Celine Dion along for the ride back to 1968. What else can explain how Celine is singing a duet with Elvis, who really looks as if he is on stage with her. Truth is, there is a double on stage and they are CGI-ing the Elvis images in. Darn! And I was thinking that we were watching Back to the Future Part 4.

This segment is odd for several reasons. The Elvis hologram reminds me of Al in Quantum Leap. And isn’t this the song that Elliott sang during Elvis week last year? Seems like they could have brought him back, but oh yeah, he is a real person and we can’t have that. The six white clad idols stand in the background and oh wait now we have seven. Sanjaya, is that you? My Kid and I try to figure it out but the Hubby doesn’t care as he is too busy checking out Celine’s tushy. Men!

Ryan keeps talking about how you can download this stuff from iTunes and pay for it. But I happen to know that you can get it for free as well. Just keep the show on the DVR, duh.

Madonna, Ms. Blasphemy herself mumbles something about helping kids, but I don’t care what she says; I am done with her. After that sacrilegious crucifixion display, I threw out all of her CDs. That’s a shame too, since I have always liked her music. Oh well, moving on…

Commercials… oooh oooh the next ep of 24 is featuring technology by the company I work for!!! YAY!!

Ryan tells us that we are already at 30 million dollars which is so great. This number will probably double once the show hits the left coast. Then it’s Dial Idol that Taylor won last year, no duh. Wonder if this week’s text message revenue will go to the charity?

Ellen introduces Annie Lennox and I wish she was singing “Sweet Dreams” are made of this, which My Kid and I like to do on karaoke. But she doesn’t, it’s something slow and sad. It’s the song that Clay Aiken brought back to life, “Bridge Over Troubled Waters.”

We see a montage of sweet little kids saying “thank you” to tug at the heartstrings a little bit more. Got to get that last ounce of teardrops from us.

So now the final results are in… Chris is safe which means… wait … Jordin is safe too. THANK GOD!!! It was a psych out. No elimination during charity week!!!! Jordin hugs and cries and cries and hugs. Ryan says that next week two contestants will go home.

Just when you think it’s all over, Bono practices with the kids on a song called “American Prayer.” http://www.one.org/ is touted on the screen as it has been all night. The white bracelets worn by everyone are a “one” thing. Of course, my DVR runs out just as the contestants start to sing the Bono song. But no worries, it will be available for download on (you got it) iTunes.

Tonight’s show has left me physically and mentally exhausted as well as challenged to reach out with a giving spirit. Just as TPTB intended. But I do have one question about tonight’s star studded highly touted event: where the heck were Gwen, Pink, and Harry Potter???

Ah well, at least the movers & shakers of the number one show in history have for once used their immense powers for the good.

The Top 6 Go All “We are the World”

April 24, 2007

Tonight is the Very Special Episode that we have been waiting for all season… The one where Ryan does not shave. Nah, just kidding. It is time for Idol to Give Back.

Stubble-sporting Ryan is in serious-mode as he describes that every vote will generate $$ donated to charity. At least 5 million dollars will be given from the company that owns AI. The sponsors, including Coke, Ford, and AT&T, will be giving money as well.

We are shown scenes from the heartbreaking trip that Simon and Ryan took to Africa. How is it that these broken children are so amazingly beautiful? Maybe it is because they belong to God. While watching this montage, it is hard to believe that it’s real. And while the show has received a lot of criticism that they are only doing this “for show,” I say who cares? No matter that 5 million bucks to these people is about what they pay in valet parking. The important thing is that they are raising the money. Doesn’t really matter why.

Tonight the contestants will be singing “songs about compassion and hope.” No coach/mentor will be shown with the kids tonight.

Chris is up first and he’s doing the Eric Clapton song “If I Could Change the World.” He is wearing a nice tie and jacket and pants that look like something from a construction job site. Ugh. I so do not get this look. Amazingly enough however, Chris actually sounds good tonight. I know, I couldn’t believe it either. Randy likes the singing and the jacket. Paula says she is excited that Chris gave a good performance. Simon is reminded that Chris has “good potential” and for the first time in forever, gives him a good review. For once, Timberfake does not have to defend himself which is kinda cool.

Ryan toots the horn of myspace.com and reminds us that we can not vote until the show is over. While “Waiting on the World to Change” plays in the background, we get to see a visit that Randy made to hurricane-ravaged Louisiana. Then quick clips of visits to Kentucky, Arizona and Atlanta are shown. This is just enough to make me sob a bucket of tears; it breaks my heart to see children hurting.

Melinda cheers me up though, as she always does. She does a Faith Hill song that I don’t know called “There Will Come a Day.” She looks more elegant tonight than ever and sounds fabulous. Toward the end of the song, the lyrics speak of “every knee will bow” and the “glory of His amazing grace.” Watch out, Simon will hate this since it mentions God. Randy calls her the “resident pro” and says she has “arrived.” (Dawg, she arrived back in January, where you been?) Paula is like, what else is new – “you are magical.” Simon proves that he is not the devil (Alec Baldwin is), by telling Melinda that it was a “vocal master class.” Ryan reminds Melinda to not look surprised which is getting old. Funny moment when he asks Simon to button his shirt and Simon tells him to stop ogling him. Shhhh, don’t get in trouble guys.

Ryan reminds us to vote vote vote vote vote! We need to raise money money money money money! Then he’s on the spaceship stool with Blake, who talks about the sacrifices he’s made to be on the show. My Kid says awwww when he says he misses his family.

Tonight Blake is doing “Imagine,” the old John Lennon song. Since I am not a Beatles purist I could care less that Blake dares to do this song. Oh please. Right before I take a nap, I realize that Blake looks sort of like our IT guy at work. My Kid wakes me up when the song is over; she thinks the he did GREAT. Randy thought it was “just okay man.” Paula disagrees and says that she liked the “sensitive performance.” Simon plays the comparison card, not surprisingly. But in the end he thought Blake did well. It is rather evident that they do not want a guy to win this year, perhaps because last year’s male winner was not as successful as they predicted. Hmmm, but the 4th runner up was wildly successful, yes? Oh snap! There will be hope for Blake as he is cute and marketable.

Ryan teases us with the line up for tomorrow night’s Even More Special Episode. He then shows us a montage of a feeding center in Africa as “Love Will Build a Bridge” plays in the background. The combo of hungry children and country music gets me teary again.

Then LaKisha tells us that she is singing the Fantasia song, “I Believe.” Yeah, THAT Fantasia. Okay so massacring the hit song of season four’s winner was not bad enough? Now we gotta hear her take Ms. Barrino apart? “Oh no you dit’int!!” can be heard all across America tonight. This chick is either setting herself up to lose, or she is so arrogant that she thinks she is just as good as previous winners. And even though she looks fantastic in a long black gown, I can not STAND to hear her sing this song. Ugh. I tell My Kid that her hair is in the exact style as Kiki’s and she immediately shakes it out. Randy expresses puzzlement at the song choice but he kinda liked it. To paraphrase, Paula says that she knew Fantasia. Fantasia was a friend of hers. And YOU LaKisha are NO Fantasia. Simon calls her shouty again and tells the audience to shut up. Ryan takes up for his main girl, so hmmmph.

So now it is Phil’s turn on the spaceship stools with Ryan, talking about what he misses most about home. Well duh, it’s his two daughters, you know the second one whose birth he missed to audition?

Tonight Phil is singing the Garth Brooks song called “The Change.” At the risk of being Repeat-o gal, I am not a fan of country music. But I have to say that country is definitely Phil’s element. He sounds better than Barf (er I mean Garth) on this song and he is sharply dressed, looking good. He does not sound country tonight; he has more of a Broadway vibe going. Randy says that he is “happy with Phil” doing country. Paula says he “found his comfort” and that this was his best performance. Simon likes Phil (he really does) but wants him to keep with the country style. Phil’s pretty wife is cheering from the audience.

Ryan reminds us that we have people right here in America that don’t have enough to eat. Then we see a video of Simon visiting a food bank that is located 20 minutes from where he lives. The song that Blake sang awhile back plays in the background, “Somewhere Only We Know.” Simon seems a thousand more times excited about this food bank than he ever has about judging AI contestants.

Last performer tonight is beautiful Jordin, who sings “You’ll Never Walk Alone,” a song that I used to perform when I was a teenager. Have to say that I was never half as good as this young lady. She is great even though her voice is somewhat shaky in spots. It is probably because of the emotional tone of the show tonight, and she is a compassionate girl. At this point, I want her to win the competition this year. I love Melinda, but Jordin has the whole package. You can certainly tell that the judges are promoting her marketability with their over praising. Randy says it was one of the “best AI performances EVER,” which is not true, dawg. Paula says it was “haunting” and “it swells.” (?) Simon makes fun of Paula and then tells Jordin that she could have a hit record with that old song. Ryan gives Jordin his necktie to supposedly wipe her tears in a part-awww and part-weird moment.

Recap time and it is clearly the best night vocally of the season so far. Everyone sang very well and there is really no one to wish “poof be gone.” If I had to choose who should leave, I would say Rosie O’Donnell but wait, that is a different show.

Melinda was the best as usual with Jordin a very close second. Very good show tonight. I am once again proud to be an American (“where at least I know I’m free”) Idol fan.

The Reign of Sanjaya Ends

Good-bye to His Adorableness. Ugh. 'Bout darn time...

Okay, okay... just for My Kid, here are some Sanjaya links:

From his exit interview:
"Q: Let's talk about your hair, even though there are more important things going on in the world. Were those 'dos your idea or someone else's?
A: I do have great hair, I have to admit. When I first came in I had long hair and I just wanted it to look good and look presentable on TV. I think people want to connect something to each contestant and that thing people connected with me was my hair. Once that became my thing I just played on it. It was fun. I enjoyed every minute of it."

Speaking of hair...
Check out Sanjaya's Photo Album

Sanjaya does Letterman
I kinda like him now that he's off the show.

“The Time Has Come” for America to Finally Get it Right

April 18, 2007

All together now, to the tune of “99 Bottles of Beer:”

“60 minutes of bored with this show
60 minutes of bored
Only takes one of those minutes for someone to go
59 minutes of bored with this show.”

The clock is ticking, America. We only have seven contestants left standing and to be quite honest, I am ready for the madness to end. My Kid reminds me that I do not have to watch, no one is forcing me. But no one is making me eat that box of Dunkin Donuts Munchkins either, but I just can not seem to help myself. It is an addiction and I sincerely need some sort of medication. An anti-AI-biotic maybe?

But here we are, living in the now and it’s time for the well-padded Results Show. I have been working on PowerPoint slide-shows for most of the day, so my mind is still stuck in “bullet” mode. So tonight’s recap will be done presentation style.

Intro

· Camera pans the final 7
· “Is your favorite safe?”
· Ryan gives Sanjaya the “cartoonish look”

Judges

· Simon explains the eye-rolling
o It was not meant to be disrespectful
o He did not hear what Chris was saying
o Freakin’ back-up footage is shown as “evidence”
· Paula tries to give a lesson in active listening

Recaps

· Jordin soars to new heights and you oughta see her fly
· LaKisha takes on Carrie and it’s like a “hamburger for breakfast”
· Phil kicks off his shoes and runs in barefeet and country is his thang
· Melinda is a girl in a 4 wheel drive who knows how to pick the right songs
· Blake does not know where to go to make Simon jump out of his chair
· Chris dreams of Mayberry in a nasally tiny way on purpose
· Sanjaya gave us ALL something to talk about and rattles Ryan’s cage

Useless Filler Fodder

· Fan-on-the-street interviews with Ryan
· The Top 7 sing “I’m All Right”
· Dial Idol that Gina is the rocker, duh
· The contestants reveal what songs are on their iPods and CD players
· Some chick named Fergie sings. (I don’t think she is the Fergie who was married to Prince Charles’s brother.)

· The fake Ford commercial has a "Spy" vibe with trenchcoats and running
· Idol Gives Back info and updates
· I go into a coma

Bottom Three

· First group of 3: Sanjaya, LaKisha, Blake
· Second group of 3: Phil, Jordin, Chris
· Melinda is the leftover and she is safe
· Melinda is told to chose between the 2 groups
o TIIC pulled this lame stunt on Taylor last year
o Unlike Taylor, Melinda chooses to sit in the middle
o Mindy Doo is the most AWESOME contestant ever!
· Ryan tells Mel to slide to the left ("everything you own in the box to the left")
· Blake is in the bottom 3 and the judges are ticked!

Useless Filler Fodder Part 2

· DreamWorks visit for behind the scenes look at Shrek the Third
o I love Shrek!!!
o They meet some famous producer guy
o They get to do fake voiceover work and other cool stuff
o They meet the dad from Spy Kids! (And he’s in the audience tonight with his highly botoxed wife.)

Martina McBride

· She is introduced by the Shrek producer guy
· She looks very pretty and sings well
· The song is slow and kinda boring
· But she is a superstar with an actual GREAT voice and could teach the Gwens and Jens of the entertainment industry how it’s done
· Her daughter makes cute and funny banter with Ryan

Results

· Will it be Sanjaya, LaKisha, or Blake?
· I bet My Hubby ten bucks that it will be LaKisha (because of the Mandisa country fiasco last year)
· I want to see the movie Disturbia (but I digress)
· Sanjaya is finally mercifully outta here
· Thank the loving Lord we hear “going home” for Malakar
· San cries a bucket of tears as we are reminded of his infamous hairdos
· My Kid sheds a tear over His Adorableness
· I actually kinda like the guy now that he’s out…
· Blake wipes away Kiki’s tears…
· Sanjaya gives us “something to talk about ... other than hair”

{Display American Idol logo slide here for THE END}

It’s Country Time for Seven “Wild Angels”

April 17, 2007

I am surprised that the show is airing tonight, in light of the horrific circumstances in Virginia yesterday. A nation is in mourning. Perhaps this show is exactly what we need to take our minds off of the tragedy for just one hour. Ryan extends thoughts and prayers on behalf of the show and then introduces the top seven contestants and the judges.

Country music superstar Martina McBride will be tonight’s coach/mentor. They refer to her as a “contemporary” country artist, I suppose because she’s not a hundred. Quick clips of her show us 15 years of different hairdos. She has the kind of pretty face that looks best with short hair, like Ashley Judd and that Charlize gal. Anyways, she has long hair tonight and resembles Cameron from House.

Watching the country music episodes of AI is very bittersweet for me. My angel daughter loved country music and had it playing every waking moment. She has been in heaven now for several years but I still get sad when I hear one twangy note. Today is her birthday; she would have been sweet 16. She would have loved watching Martina coach these kids.

To distract myself somewhat, I pick up the latest Entertainment Weekly that I got in the mail today, the one with the Final 8 AI contestants on the cover. EW is the only celeb-mag that I will read; it is snarky and I like me some snark. I can multi-task by reading the article while watching the show tonight.

Since TIIC really really wants Phil to get the boot, they put him up first, which is the kiss-of-death slot for someone who is already on shaky ground. Martina tells Phil exactly what we’ve known all along – that he usually has a rocky start but a good finish. Tonight he performs “Where the Blacktop Ends,” which My Kid says is by Keith Urban. Phil does well, even though the “that’s right y’all!” is so hokey. He seems more relaxed, kind of like he knows he has one foot out of the AI door. But for the first time, all 3 judges liked Phil’s performance. He seems excited about their comments and tells Ryan that country music is what he’s all about. Who knew? In the EW article, Phil promises that he has not made any “calculated statements” in order to get the sympathy vote. Seacrest seems to think differently, but hopefully none will be needed tonight.

Next is Jordin, and she looks prettier tonight than ever in a long dress. Martina coaches her through one of her own songs, “A Broken Wing” and Jordin seems to genuinely care about making her proud. This is one of those songs that can be turned into a Lifetime movie and has been done before on AI seasons past. Martina is very impressed with the teenager and tells her what we already know, that she is AWESOME! Jordin is remarkable tonight; she just keeps getting better and better. Kinda funny though, according to EW, Jordin is puzzled by all the talk of how much better she is now than she was at the beginning of the competition. Really? Wasn’t she ALWAYS great?? All of the judges think so, to Jordin’s delight. Simon even announces that this performance could make her the winner. This was Fantasia’s “Summertime,” Carrie’s “Alone,” and Katharine’s “Rainbow” all rolled into one!

Ryan is with Sanjaya on the spaceship stools. Sanjaya channels a 200-years-ago-Keith Richards by wearing a wacky bandana tied on his head. Hey, maybe San can play the great-grandson on the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Boy’s gotta do something, because for some reason he has not brought any good singing to this show since his very first audition. Anyway, the fan question involves making one of the judges sing a song. San proves that he is quite the comedian when he answers that Simon should sing “Shiny Happy People.” Oh ha ha.

Even Martina tells Sanjaya that he has to actually “project” and not be so soft-spoken. His hard head makes up for the soft voice though, as he plays his rep for all it’s worth. And since when is Bonnie Raitt a COUNTRY singer? Will San massacre “Something to Talk About” as badly as Pickler did last year? Good song title for him, as he received three times more coverage in the EW article than anyone else. And yep - he is terrible. When he tries to cozy up to the back up singers, they look at him like, “get back you fish-eyed fool!” Even My Kid is throwing in the towel and rejecting the former Adorableness. He doesn’t even get the words to the song right, totally missing the “little mystery to figure out” until the very end. Maybe he didn’t want to remind us that the MYSTERY is why is he still HERE? The judges finally give him the good verbal whooping that he deserves and stupid Ryan tries to come to his defense. So funny when Simon goes all Beyonce on Ryan with the “to the left” bit. Now that was almost worth the ordeal of sitting through San’s singing.

Ryan’s Only One - LaKisha is singing “Jesus Take the Wheel,” and even Martina is like, say it ain’t so, girl! As everyone in the universe knows, it is never a good idea for a contestant to sing a major hit from a former winner. Remember Lisa Tucker’s rendition of Kelly Clarkson’s “Because of You” last year? That was the week that she was voted off. It is a self-defeating prophecy, so perhaps this is Kiki’s ticket out? In the EW article, LaKisha talks about her faith in God and how much she misses her little girl. She also says that she has chosen to “sequester” herself from the other contestants, so maybe this is a strategic move on her part. LaKisha’s lifeless performance tonight just reinforces this theory. Last year during country music week, the much more fabulous Mandisa was voted off the show. Mandisa’s ousting was blamed on the speculation that her fan base did not watch during country week and therefore did not vote that week. Even all the judges agree that this was a bad choice for LaKisha. In spite of this, I do not want her to be the one to leave tomorrow. I hate to say it but there will be some window breakage at my house if Malakar outlasts Ms. Jones. Just saying.

Next is Chris who tells us that he is from Virginia but was raised in North Carolina. Yay! I didn’t think we had any connection to my home state this year. Last year was da bomb, with three of the Top 10 from N.C. Oh man, now I want to go back and revisit last year yet again and dwell in the memory of how good it was. Anything to divert me from the nasalness of Chris on a Rascal Flatts song called “Mayberry.” Martina says that he is actually a good country singer, and My Kid agrees that this is how the song is sung. Thank you Chris, for re-validating my disdain for country music. My poor dogs want out NOW, so we exit and do not return until it is finally mercifully over. I assume that the judges will praise him no matter what, because they have for 2 ½ months. Why stop now? My Kid tells me that surprisingly the judges did not really like it and that Chris got all defensive. Not surprising, since according to EW, Chris was ticked that he ended up in the final three during British invasion week, since it was one of his “best vocals,” per Himself. (Hey, at least you’re not still working at Hooters.) I get back in time to hear Chris mention the Va Tech tragedy, and he seems sincere.

It is Melinda’s turn on the spaceship stools with Ryan and they talk about running into crazy fans. She is hilarious when describing a fan reaction and it is evident that she still does not “get” just how wonderful she is. It was dismaying to read in EW that folks still question Melinda’s humility. It is NOT an ACT, people! I am angry to find out that she’s been called names like Shrek and Platypus. Ticks me off so bad, but she will have the last laugh.

Martina has never heard the song that Melinda’s doing called “Trouble is a Woman” but it does not matter. She thinks Melinda is great. Tonight, Mindy Doo is sporting some trendy hair extensions and is wearing a sexy top. As always, she brings 100% of herself into the song and her performance is flawless. She does not belong in this competition; she is way too good for this cheesy show. Even the EW article talks about the phenomenon that is Ms. Doolittle and of course, she is not comfortable being thought of as the front-runner. She says that it is not fair to the others. Well, she is right about that, because she is in a class all by herself and it is a MASTER class. She is singing one of the fun country songs with a woman-scorned-getting-revenge theme. (Also classic Lifetime fodder.) The audience loves her as well as the judges. Simon tells her to can the humility act already and that really just makes him look like a butthole. He redeems himself by favorably comparing Melinda to Tina Turner.

Martina is pleased that Blake will be doing a Tim McGraw song “When the Stars Go Blue,” and she likes his style. My Kid argues that this is not really a country song but was recorded by a pop group first. And First is always the Final Answer, right? Blake does okay with this song and since I have never heard it before, I have no point of comparison. It is hard to watch Blake now and not think about what I read in EW - Blake likes to stay out late and party and resents the chaperones and curfews. He comes across as a self-centered jerk in the article. My Kid loves him and comes to his defense and anyway, he is like mid-twenties and he shouldn’t have a curfew right? I give up and just let it go. Gotta choose your battles with young’ens, ya know? At any rate, the judges give mixed reviews and no one calls him on pulling a Daughtry by turning the themed genre into his own style. Of course, it’s not called “pulling a Daughtry” anymore; the term is now “Blake-ized.” But since I still live in the past…

Simon shows his human side by mentioning that the VA tragedy and that it made it a tough week for the AI contestants.

Recap time and I pick my favorites: Jordin and Melinda by far.

Bottom 3 are Sanjaya’s singing, Sanjaya’s scarf, and Sanjaya’s flirting. My God. As they say every five minutes at Seattle Grace, SERIOUSLY???

Hot Legs Haley

Well, it had to happen. The Wedding Singer needs to plan her own upcoming nuptials, so it all worked out for the good.

From her official AI page:
Q: What are your personal goals in life?
A: Career in music and live my life fully through God.

A funny tidbit about Haley's metamorphisis into Kat McPhee. And Haley confirms the kinda icky "hair" rumors.

Check out more of pretty Haley on her fan web site.

“Qué Hiciste,” América?

April 11, 2007

The only Jennifer Lopez song that I like comes to mind as I get ready to watch the show tonight.

"If you had my love …"

Well, it’s official. This show has become so uninteresting to me that at this point I have to PAY myself to watch it. I get one Choco Taco for each hour. Let’s make that one BOX of Choco Tacos for each hour. Yeah - that’s the ticket. Sort of the reverse of what that silly girl “J” was doing with the “Starvation for Sanjaya” diet plan. But let’s get real - in spite of the show becoming a one-joke wonder, it is not worth starving (or gorging) oneself over.

The results show will now be one hour which means lots of filler fodder and fluff. Ryan banters with the judges about how no one really brought any fire to Latin music night. And there are inside jokes about the mysteries of Paula’s brain.

The group sing is back, as the 8 finalists sing “Bailimos,” or is it Vailimos? Dial-the-most? Don’t really care especially when they pair Sanjaya and Haley to sing together. Much better when Blake and LaKisha duet. Overall not a bad performance from the eight.

"And I gave you all my trust …"

Ryan reminds everyone again to participate in the Dial Idol contest; you could win 10,000 bucks. Funny moment when he tells Simon, “That’s nothing to you, is it Rich Boy?” Ah, Ryan? That was a pot/kettle moment, yes? I mean, you are the one with like ten jobs. Hellllloooo.

Tonight’s dumb question brings back the horrid memories of Katharine fleeing from Meat Loaf in the grande finale last year. Not part of the question, but always forever engrained in my brain – Taylor warding off Toni Braxton’s advances and Elliott practically getting knocked off the stage by Mary J. Blige. Oh, the memories… let me bask for a moment in the good ol’ days of long ago last year.

More numbers: 5000 entries have been made into the songwriting competition but ya only have ‘til next Tuesday. 35 million votes were cast last night.

"Would you comfort me …"

Next, Ryan does “man on the street” type interviews, asking random strangers what they thought of the performances last night. Funniest moments are when Sanjaya’s name is mispronounced and someone asks who the heck is Chris? Then a little black girl totally disses all the white contestants. I’m calling my lawyer dangit! Best of all, the Crab Man from My Name is Earl has a look-a-like.

Oh goody that guy from Akron is back tonight, singing without Gwen Stefani. My Kid tells me that the guy’s name is AKON. Shrug. Now is a good time to take my dogs out, for they are innocent and have no need to be tortured by this so-called singing. To my surprise, My Kid does not even roll her eyes at me.

For the faux Ford ad, we have morphing set to the song “Happy Together.” It starts out with Chris doing his best bobble-head impression and then morphs into Jordin. She morphs into Chris, then it shows the vehicles morphing. Sanjaya morphs into Melinda, then more Fords are shown. LaKisha morphs into an air-drumming Blake who morphs into Haley. Whew, I have a head-ache now from watching all that bobble-headed morphing action.

"And if somehow you knew that your love would be untrue …"

The charity special is in two weeks, so mark your calendar. To be out of town where there are no TVs. Nah, just kidding. Raising money is a good thing, and about time since this show has made so much of the green stuff. Sometimes the filthy stinky rich really are Filthy and Stinking. I hope American Idol raises a lot of money if it truly is going to these causes.

Simon proves that he is not the devil (Don Imus is) by sharing a cute and tender moment with little girls in Africa. He shows us the “school in a box” and it is so sad how those kids have to live. Absolutely hilarious moment when a girl draws a picture of Simon with man-boobies. He will never live this down.

Now we have audition footage intercut with Tony Bennett pretending to be a contestant. This is very funny and Tony is adorable in the mustard colored jacket. “Other Door!”

"Would you lie to me …"

Finally a recap of last night’s show. Blake needs to know, the rhythm is gonna get Jordin, LaKisha does the conga beat, Haley turns that beat around, Phil is caterwauling for Maria, Chris is soooo smooth, Melinda dances and sways, and Sanjaya sings in Spanish while goo-goo eying the camera in a way that makes Constantine and Ace look like amateurs.

Ryan chats with the contestants - Sweet Mindy Doo seems thrilled that Simon got the chance to criticize her. Haley is not really offended at being told that she dresses like a slut, even though she is fully covered tonight. Blake is outed as having lyrics written on his wrists, but honestly, only during rehearsal - so hold your angry letters.

Phil feels blessed but is then told that he is in the bottom three. He is not shocked. LaKisha is safe after mind games, Jordin is safe YAY!, Sanjaya is skipped over for now. This is so asinine. Melinda is of course safe, heck with Simon. Haley and her hair extensions are bottom three. Ryan plays the stand up-sit down game with Sanjaya again. This is really ticking me off.

Blake is safe, which is a good thing, lest the cheering audience start breaking windows. Chris is the last of the bottom three to the surprise of all and sundry. The booing can be heard ‘round the world. Thankfully, he is sent back to the couches before any rioting begins.

“Miles to go before we sleep…” so we will not know who will be leaving for awhile.

Jennifer Lopez is going to perform, but before that we get another montage of some of her more provocative outfits and poses. More footage of the kids and Jennifer’s interaction, reminding us that she was a very good coach for them, the most energetic so far.

My Hubby says that he doesn’t think it is fair for the judges to criticize Haley for her scanty outfits; she fits right in with the Gwens and Jens of the music industry. The pros have advanced their careers by playing up the T&A factor. Gotta say he has got a point.

"And call me baby …"

Jennifer does a Spanish song from her latest album and she looks pretty and there are lots of back-up dancers and pyrotechnics. More fireworks are going on at Our House, as My Hubby is ranting that this is AMERICAN Idol and anyone who performs on this show should speak AMERICAN for George Washington’s sake! It is so annoying when I actually agree with him twice in one night. I mean, why aren’t there Italian and Chinese and Martian language options available at the ATM? More Things That Make You Go Hmmm.

Hubby finally STHU when Our Kid tells him that J.Lo is there to promote her latest album which is in Spanish and isn’t it better that she is not performing in one of the bikinis from the “Waiting for Tonight” video? That would be a big Yes, since AI is supposedly a family show.

The song is finally mercifully over, and then Jen chats with Ryan about how impressed she is with the contestants. Cool moment when she says that she is from the Paula School of Criticism. (And Singing & Dancing but that goes without saying.)

Finally, it is time to find out who is going home, even though no one really cares much at this point. After much “Deal or No Deal”-like tension, we find out that Hot Legs Haley’s time is up. Her “going home” montage reminds us that she did not always channel her inner Kat McPhee, however the scanty outfits and short-shorts have always been a staple.

Haley’s sing out actually sounds better tonight than last night, probably because the pressure is off now. No worries for Ms. Scarnato – she has a wedding to plan and hopefully some ladies’ razor commercials to do. And hey, Kathie Lee is going to have to retire from that cruise ship someday.

Adios, coqueta Pastel de queso.

“J to the L-O” On the Block of 8

April 10, 2007

Too darn bad that Gina is not here for Jennifer Lopez week. It’s a crying shame. I was looking forward to seeing her progress throughout the competition and she would have been great tonight. Oh my and heavy sigh …

Reluctantly moving on to the Top Eight and Latin Night. Just for spite, I hope everybody totally blows tonight, hmmmph! (Sorry, can you tell I live with a 14 year old??)

Things are lookin’ up right away, as I see the cast of Drive in the audience tonight. I am looking forward to this show, mainly because Nathan Fillion is a hottie.

A quick montage of J.Lo reminds us that she has a so-so voice but she can dance and move that groove thang. I still have the cassette single of her first song, “If You Had My Love;” that one will get stuck in your head for a long while! Jennifer is a decent actress as well, so she has a lot going for her. I remember seeing her in a Connie Sellecca TV series about 12 years ago. And I love that movie she was in with George Clooney, yowsa. Of course, she is on AI tonight to promote her latest CD, which is a Spanish album… which leads us to Latin music night.

Jenny seems excited about coaching the contestants and she is fun to watch. She admits to watching American Idol every week (like everyone else in the universe) but will not reveal who is her favorite.

Melinda is up first and will be doing a song called “Sway.” Jennifer tells her to bring the sultry, sexy side of herself out into the open. Tonight, Mindy Doo is wearing a lovely black dress and her makeup is great, but her hairdo is school-prom-chaperone. As always, her voice is perfection, even on a song that is not her forte. She has proven that she can and will excel in ANY genre. There are NO boundaries with this wonderful lady and come about mid-May, she will be singing the coronation song. I hope it’s a good one. Judges rave, “another solid performance,” and “very sultry, very smooth.” Simon bursts everyone’s bubble by proclaiming that he did not like it, and I am so busy throwing darts at my TV set that I almost miss Melinda’s wonderful response. She says she is GLAD he got to say something bad. She is so classy and I think she actually blushed when Ryan called her sexy.

LaKisha is up next and she chats with Ryan from the spaceship stools. She explains that the reason she tried out for AI was to make a better life for herself and her daughter. And to share her God-given talent with the world. Humility? Not a strong point for Queen Kiki.

Jennifer shows LaKisha how to dance to the Miami Sound Machine Song “Conga,” which is another song that has been done on the show before. I know it should not matter, but it feels like recycling to me. Tonight, LaKisha looks pretty in a fiery red dress; I am always impressed with her brave fashion choices. For the first time, she does not give me the impression that she is going to kick somebody’s butt. Maybe because the words to the song are fast and it’s hard to sing, dance, breathe, and look mad all at the same time while singing this one. She does better when she stands in place and just SINGS. Judges are mixed, “that was hot right there,” and “it was a real safe LaKisha.” Simon deconstructs the mood once again. He has it out for the divas tonight and even dings her on her dancing. Thank goodness for Ryan, who quips that he’d like to see SIMON try that, thank you very much.

Chris R. is up next and even though he is the only remaining Chris left in the contest, he will always be Chris R. to me. Jennifer is delightful trying to coach him with the song, “Smooth.” Say it ain’t so, Chris. My goodness, Rob Thomas you are NOT. Tonight, the band mercifully drowns him out for the most part as he butchers one of the best pop songs ever recorded. Got to say that he looks handsome though; not in an Ace Young way, but a cutie. Judges inexplicably say, “very very cool” and “hot performance.” Simon adds to the confusion when he says it was better than the first two. Do what Bubba?? They must have been passing the pipe around tonight.

Haley is next and it is time for a nap. This is the spot where Gina should be. Jennifer does her best to help her with “Turn the Beat Around,” and even calls in Blake for reinforcement. Haley and Her Legs do their best to bring out the inner Gloria Estefan but it is just a mess. It’s okay though, she can always do Nair and Venus commercials; she would be perfect for that. Judges say, “karaoke,” and “you had fun up there.” Simon keeps it real when he tells her that dressing like a floozy is NOT going to win her any votes. Of course, she gets teary-eyed but hey if the shoe fits…

Now we have Phil doing “Maria Maria” and Jennifer says that he gave her goose pimples. He has a funny moment when he says that he thought he was singing to J.Lo and wow there she was! I hope the best for Phil tonight, and he starts the song well. In that hat though, all I can think of is the guy in Joe Dirt (it puts the lotion on its skinnnn.) Judges are mixed again, “kinda boring,” “real good vocal,” but “lifeless, no originality.” They want Phil gone soooo badly, how much more obvious can it be? Phil was a thousand times better than Chris Timberfake, but he is not as cookie-cutter. Which means he is not as marketable. What a crock. Why do I watch this show? Oh yeah... that obsession thing.

Jordin and Ryan on the spaceship stools and she says that she would do 80s music if she was one of The Idiots In Charge (TIIC); paraphrasing by me.

Jennifer says that Jordin reminds her of Michael Jackson (???) on “The Rhythm is Gonna Get You.” This makes no sense to me. Does she not get the Perverted Times out where she lives?? No matter, Jordin is gorgeous tonight and her voice is awesome as always. The drummers are out of control, though, and it is very distracting. Jordin proves her professionalism by keeping up with the song in spite of the wacky beat. Judges say, “that was the yo factor, a blast,” and “authentic; you’re adorable.” Simon blows it again by saying that it’s just so-so and nobody freakin’ cares what he says when we disagree with him. Jordin is not only talented, but she is sweet and beautiful, too.

Blake will be doing a song recorded by Jen’s hubby Marc Anthony called “I Need to Know.” Jennifer tries to get him to connect to the lyrics and feel the “passion.” Tonight, Blake is wearing one of the grandpa hats from the Chris R. collection. I like Blake well enough, but he seems plastic for some reason. I don’t sense a real person underneath all that hype. His rendition of this song is just meh, nothing special. He gives a good performance, though; he has the moves downpat for sure. Judges say, “hot song choice,” and “captured the essence of who you are,” and surprisingly Simon says it was, “the best performance so far.” Not understanding the blatant pimpage of Blake and Chris tonight. Actually, I DO understand it, just don’t want to admit that the show that I am obsessed with is fullacrap.

Jennifer bless her heart, does her best with Sanjaya on some song that I have never heard of, which he will be singing in Spanish. Oh crap. Thank goodness, he switched to English mid-stream. I thought My Hubby was going to start throwing tacos at the television. Gotta hand it to Sanjaya tonight though, he did not do too badly. Plus he has changed his look for the better, with shorter hair and some stubble on the chin. Judges say “you are one of the smartest contestants; that was really good!,” and “very very nice.” A funny moment ensues when Simon says that San sang like a fourteen-year-old but it “wasn’t horrible.” Ryan points out that Sanjaya has become a camera harlot (but not in those exact words.) My Hubby says that San will probably be singing at Obama’s inauguration. Oh snnnap!

Recap time … tonight was just so-so for the most part. No one really brought the WOW factor out to play. Guess you need to really be Latino to bring fire to this kind of music. J.Lo should have no fear.

Just a general observation – most of the songs were by Gloria Estefan or Santana. I wonder if they are the only ones who gave permission to use their songs? And why no J.Lo songs? Things That Make You Go Hmmm.

I am supporting the underdog and pulling for Phil tonight. He has been bashed undeservedly over and over again. I hope his fan base brings him through. Haley was the worst one tonight but unfortunately she and her legs and pitiful tears will more than likely stick around.

And now it’s “House On A Plane.” Hope they don’t say the MF word too much.

All About the Rocker Gyrrrl

Once again, I am in shock. This was an unexpected loss for the show. What are people thinking??

Gina talks about her adorable Lucky Charms on her official AI page:
Q: Do you have any lucky charms?
A: A ton. 1) A troll that’s always in my pocket, 2) “Pickle” (a little lizard), 3) “Baboo” (an ugly doll)… to name a few!

Sure do wish they had worked better...

Her exit interview explains it all... "You Can't Rock Out Tony Bennett"
... or maybe it was the awful tongue stud that did her in?

Gina's fans won't get over her ousting any time soon!

I expect to hear good things coming from Miss Glocksen!

Stay in touch with Gina through her web site.

“Call (America) Irresponsible”

April 4, 2007

Even Tony Bennett can’t help us now, Ryan says. Or maybe he meant the contestants and not “us” as in everyone? “The party is over for one of our finalists.” Will it be Sanjaya? Let us pray…

Recap time and everyone is in their best form… Blake doing some soft shoe, Haley in full pageant mode, Chris in grandpa’s hat, Melinda swinging, Sanjaya is slick in all the wrong ways, Gina brings a smile, Jordin is a magnet of joy, Phil is like a young Frank Sinatra, LaKisha is stormy and ya better get outta her way or she will hit you with her umbrella.

“One Love,” Kermit the Frog, and lots of bubbles showcase the Hybrid in the Ford faux-mercial.

Ryan announces that the songwriter contest is a go and here’s hoping that some amateur out there will write a song that sucks less that the “destiny” song from last year.

The contestants are divided into groups of three. Blake, Chris, and Sanjaya. Haley, Gina, and Phil. Jordin, Melinda, and LaKisha. Wow, I just realized that Jordin is really tall.

Right off the bat, that last group sits down. Y’know because those “duh” moments need to be gotten over quickly. The first group sits down next. Yep, San survives to try out yet another perky hairdo. My God.

The bottom three consists of Haley, Gina, and Phil. Since we just got home from church, I am still feeling the spirit. However, I proclaim to the fam’ that if Gina is the one who goes home tonight, then I am DONE with this show. Of course it will not be her, so I am not really worried.

Commercials… the Burger King ad featuring “Sponge Bob, No Pants”???? Wrong on SO MANY LEVELS!

American Idol morons, oops, I mean Challenge is next, and they have the nerve to ask who was “Chicken Little?” Thanks TIIC for bringing back those memories.

Idol Gives Back, blah blah blah.

Tony Bennett has the flu and will not perform tonight, but please buy his new CD, okay? Michael Somebody is filling in for him tonight, singing “Call Me Irresponsible” or something to that effect. After the first two notes, I tell the fam’ that I am fast-forwarding through this part. I honestly wish that I was classy and sophisticated enough to like this kind of music, but… okay wait. Did this singer just tell Ryan he was still voting for Antonella? I didn’t fast forward far enough.

So going home tonight - will it be the Beauty Queen, the Rocker Chick, or Smiling Phil? Phil sits down right away.

Randy says that he is surprised to see Gina in the bottom two. Paula tells them to be proud of themselves. Simon smugly says that he is not surprised at this bottom two. Liar liar pants on fire.

Gina cries a river of tears when Ryan tells her that she is the one going home. My Kid and Hubby remind me of what I said earlier, about not watching the show anymore if Gina was voted off. I tell them that what I meant was, I would not watch the show anymore TONIGHT.

While not the hugest Gina fan, it is pretty darn disgraceful that she is the one having to hear the “going home” song tonight. A litany of truck-driver swear words are going through my mind right now. The audience agrees; I don’t think I have heard booing like that since Daughtry was voted off last year. Can not help but think that she should have taken TIIC's advice and ditched the tongue stud.

Oh great and now she has to sing, “Smile though your heart is aching…” Lord have mercy. Quick flashes to the remaining contestants – Jordin is crying, Haley is smiling through her tears, San has hands folded as in prayer. Mel and Kiki are dry-eyed, probably because they know that they pretty much have this competition sewn up. The crowd finally gathers around Gina as her family sits in the audience and sobs.

At the risk of sounding third grade: “It’s not FAIR!!!”

The Top Nine Get a “Classics” Master Class

April 3, 2007

Ryan is dressed in full Regis-mode as he announces that tonight the contestants were mentored by Tony Bennett. Anyone born past 1975 has probably never heard of Tony, who just turned 80 years old. He had about a zillion hit singles back in the 50s and 60s with the kinda jazzy standard songs that were popular back then. And now, he is bringing ‘em back with this crop of AI contestants.

Mr. Bennett’s montage shows us that he has released over 100 records and has always had a very big nose. “The King of Swing” still has a good voice and has recently recorded an album called “Duets.”

We see Tony meeting the kids and they are all excited about having him for a coach. My Kid asks are they are just pretending to know this guy? Shrug. I am too busy wondering why he is wearing a mustard colored jacket.

Speaking of weird fashion choices, tonight the judges seem to be trying to out tacky each other. Randy is wearing a black top that he must have borrowed from Puff Daddy Diddly-squat or whatever the heck his name is. Paula is wearing black and white stripes with a red and white scarf. It’s the jailbird-on-a-train look. And Simon… well Simon’s just there, showing a lot of manly chest hair.

First up is Blake and he is singing “Mack the Knife.” Tony doesn’t cotton to that “modern” twist that Blake is trying to spin on the song. Tonight Blake has normal hair again and he looks nice even though his pants do not match his jacket. And I just don’t get the sneakers-and-necktie combo. Anyways, his voice is pleasant enough and he restrains from doing any beat-boxing until the very end. Randy “liked it dude,” Paula says he “personified pizzazz.” Simon liked Blake but gave higher kudos to the band. Watching them stand side by side during Ryan-banter, a strange thought pops into my head – are Blake and Ryan twins separated at birth??

We get news about who will be guest starring on the upcoming Idol Gives Back special and the name that catches my attention is Harry Potter. Yay!

So now we have Phil and Tony tries to help him get the beat right on “Night and Day.” During his rehearsal, Phil has neat stubble going around the head area that makes him look worlds more attractive. Alas, he is fully bald again tonight as he sings this ballad that goes on and on forever. “I Mock You With My Never Ending Song.” Well, now we have the sacrificial goat of the evening, as the judges prepare to tear him apart. Randy says he didn’t really feel a “connection.” To Simon’s surprise, Paula compares Phil to Frank Sinatra, but then nails him on his vocals. Simon says it reminded him of a “funeral parlor.” Cute moment when Ryan leads Phil to the other side of the stage. Phil is very classy and makes no apology as he explains that he was singing this song to his wife.

Next up is Melinda and as always, she expresses surprise when Tony LOVES her. He says she has a lot of promise. Tonight she is singing “I Got Rhythm” and she looks gorgeous in a satin dress. For someone who doesn’t like high heels, she can prance around in those things with the best of ‘em. And as always, her voice is one thousand percent perfection. Randy says that she gives everyone else a “lesson in singing.” Paula is a hoot, telling Melinda that not only does she “got rhythm, you got CDs, you got number ones, you got concert halls…” Simon has to spoil the mood by saying the first half of the song was “cabaret” but admits that it is hard to criticize someone as fantastic as the great Mindy Doo.

Now on the spaceship stools, Chris R. chats with Ryan while the Coke bubbles go mesmerizingly red in the background. It is almost as distracting as Chris’s grandpa hat and vest so I miss the entire conversation. Something about song selection and singing to Paula. Eh, she has wigs older than him for Pete's sake.

During Chris’s session with Tony, he has trouble with the lyrics but Tony feels that he can learn them in time. He is singing “Don’t Get Around Much Anymore” and he starts out good and then a strange thing happens. I LIKE him. For the first time since this season started, he is not just a cute guy with an annoyingly nasal voice. He did extremely well tonight, even though the hanging suspenders were just weird. Randy says he was “cool and young and hip.” Paula echoes that verbatim and then does some weird hand movement to demonstrate eye contact. Please don’t go there, girl. Simon is LHAO at Paula tonight, as we all are. But then he actually gives Chris a kudo, which surprises Ryan, Chris, and the rest of America.

Jordin is next and she impresses Tony during their time together. He actually likes the improvisations that she gives to the song she is singing, “On a Clear Day.” Tonight she is back in curly-haired mode which is good, but she is wearing one of Melinda’s hand-me-down librarian outfits. The pants look like something you wear when you’re PMSy, so maybe that is the case. She sings the song well and she is very pretty. The camera can not find a bad angle of this gal. The judges go crazy about how good she is for one so young, and there is weird microphone feedback. Then Paula says she’s “freaking proud” of Jordin. Then there’s lots of name calling and disagreeing and it’s all very comical, especially to sweet Jordin.

Gina is next and she will be singing a song called “Smile.” A teary-eyed Tony says that when he hears this song he thinks of 9-11 and the soldiers in Iraq. And on that depressing moment…Tonight Gina starts her song sitting down, and she is very pretty tonight with her hair pulled back away from her face. She looks nice even though I still don’t like the tongue stud, it’s just ewww. She has a very good voice on this type of song and even though it is not her “thang,” she gives it her best. Randy says it was a “nice controlled performance from the rocker girl.” Paula says it was “understated beautiful and sentimental.” Simon says that she was not as good as the other girls and Gina replies that it IS a competition and there ARE all kinds of voices. So STHU Mr. Cowell! Where is that darn cue-him-to-be-quiet music when we need it?

Sanjaya is next and I have to get up to go take my dogs out. They have done nothing to deserve this type of pain and torture. So My Kid will have to take over for a couple minutes…

Ryan says that “two legends collide” when Tony meets Sanjaya. Tony coaches Sanjaya on some old song that I have never heard of called “Cheek to Cheek” and compliments him on his sense of humor AND his singing. (SEE MOM, he is a good singer! So hurry back in and finish this…) Now Sanjaya is dancing with Paula. With his slicked hair and white suit, his cheesiness reminds me of Cousin Omer. Omer was a character in the movie American Dreamz, a movie that you probably have never heard of since it was a box office flop. Not sure why it didn’t do better, as it was a movie about an American Idol-type show and came out just a few weeks before the Season 5 finale. Maybe it was the plot that did it in: “The depressed president of the U.S. is going to be a guest judge at the American Dreamz finale and one of the contestants is an Arab terrorist who is being forced by his peoples to blow him up in a suicide mission. It’s a comedy!” Oh well, back to the dismaying present, as the judges do not even try to critique baby San anymore, so I won’t either.

Now we have Haley and Her Legs talking to Ryan on the spaceship stools. They chat about her being nervous about singing and hearing Simon’s comments. She brown noses about how much she loves getting a compliment from him, but quick cut of the camera to him reveals that he is not paying any attention to her at all. Oh snnnnap!

During Haley’s session with Tony, she performs “Ain’t Misbehaving” and he tells her to sing it to just ONE person and not the entire fleet. Okay? Thanks. Tonight, she does pretty much the opposite of what he told her to do and sluts it up to the best of her ability. This sultry persona does not seem to come natural to Haley and I don’t believe that she is really the sassy brassy lass that she’s trying to portray here. This is just desperation all dressed up in Mariah’s clothes. Have to give the gal props for her vocals tonight though; she does well with the song, as good as she has done this season. This talent-portion-of-the-beauty-pageant music is right up her alley. Randy says that this was in her “wheelhouse of songs.” Paula says that “green is a good color for you.” Simon says she “has great legs.” As far as her singing, the “pageanty” comparison comes up, which is just echoing Aunt Pearl. Gee, can they hear me?

Ryan has an awkward hugging-Sanjay’s-dad moment in the audience before introducing LaKisha’s segment. Tony Bennett LOVES LaKisha’s voice as he listens to her practice “Stormy Weather,” but he wants her to go for the big note at the end instead of doing the tag. She has not taken any of the coaches’ advice so far, so I bet My Kid and Hubby five bucks that she will do the tag instead of the big note. They are too afraid that Kiki is going to come through the TV a’la Samara Morgan to bet against her. She does look pretty angry by the time she gets to the end of the song. I just have to gloat without a payoff when yep, indeedy – she does the tag. Can I call it or what? (Sometimes I think I write this show.) Randy says it was “the bomb.” Paula announces correctly that it’s the best she has ever looked; she does look lovely in the long gown. Simon says that it was “sassy” and all kinds of great.

Recaps remind us that everyone did well tonight, and yes “everyone” includes Sanjaya and Haley. The good ones did even better than usual and the mediocre shone brighter than they ever had. There is something to be said for this “classic” stuff…

My favorite tonight was Mindy Doo, natch. LaKisha is a close second, though. We all know who the bottom three SHOULD be, but it will surely not pan out like we hope. Such is the nature of the show and why it is number one. But no matter, time to move on as Ryan announces that -

“House. Starts. Now!”

Why I Love Chris Sligh

Why do I think Chris Sligh is awesome? Lots of reasons… he is smart, talented, and has a great sense of humor. Almost every comment on this AI page is funny!

But most importantly, he is a Christian. Per the “About Me” section of his blogs: “I am first and foremost a Christ-follower…” Amen to that! I totally admire that he was gutsy enough to sing Contemporary Christian songs on the show, most notably "Wanna be Loved" by dc Talk. Of course he received lots of criticism for this, since Hollywood is run by evil forces.

Also, Chris seems very devoted to his adorable wife. And he did not give up on his band from back home and is promoting the CD that he made with them. It is getting good reviews from the Christian community. I am going to amazon right now to buy “Take a Chance on Something Beautiful” by Half Past Forever!