April 11, 2007
The only Jennifer Lopez song that I like comes to mind as I get ready to watch the show tonight.
"If you had my love …"
Well, it’s official. This show has become so uninteresting to me that at this point I have to PAY myself to watch it. I get one Choco Taco for each hour. Let’s make that one BOX of Choco Tacos for each hour. Yeah - that’s the ticket. Sort of the reverse of what that silly girl “J” was doing with the “Starvation for Sanjaya” diet plan. But let’s get real - in spite of the show becoming a one-joke wonder, it is not worth starving (or gorging) oneself over.
The results show will now be one hour which means lots of filler fodder and fluff. Ryan banters with the judges about how no one really brought any fire to Latin music night. And there are inside jokes about the mysteries of Paula’s brain.
The group sing is back, as the 8 finalists sing “Bailimos,” or is it Vailimos? Dial-the-most? Don’t really care especially when they pair Sanjaya and Haley to sing together. Much better when Blake and LaKisha duet. Overall not a bad performance from the eight.
"And I gave you all my trust …"
Ryan reminds everyone again to participate in the Dial Idol contest; you could win 10,000 bucks. Funny moment when he tells Simon, “That’s nothing to you, is it Rich Boy?” Ah, Ryan? That was a pot/kettle moment, yes? I mean, you are the one with like ten jobs. Hellllloooo.
Tonight’s dumb question brings back the horrid memories of Katharine fleeing from Meat Loaf in the grande finale last year. Not part of the question, but always forever engrained in my brain – Taylor warding off Toni Braxton’s advances and Elliott practically getting knocked off the stage by Mary J. Blige. Oh, the memories… let me bask for a moment in the good ol’ days of long ago last year.
More numbers: 5000 entries have been made into the songwriting competition but ya only have ‘til next Tuesday. 35 million votes were cast last night.
"Would you comfort me …"
Next, Ryan does “man on the street” type interviews, asking random strangers what they thought of the performances last night. Funniest moments are when Sanjaya’s name is mispronounced and someone asks who the heck is Chris? Then a little black girl totally disses all the white contestants. I’m calling my lawyer dangit! Best of all, the Crab Man from My Name is Earl has a look-a-like.
Oh goody that guy from Akron is back tonight, singing without Gwen Stefani. My Kid tells me that the guy’s name is AKON. Shrug. Now is a good time to take my dogs out, for they are innocent and have no need to be tortured by this so-called singing. To my surprise, My Kid does not even roll her eyes at me.
For the faux Ford ad, we have morphing set to the song “Happy Together.” It starts out with Chris doing his best bobble-head impression and then morphs into Jordin. She morphs into Chris, then it shows the vehicles morphing. Sanjaya morphs into Melinda, then more Fords are shown. LaKisha morphs into an air-drumming Blake who morphs into Haley. Whew, I have a head-ache now from watching all that bobble-headed morphing action.
"And if somehow you knew that your love would be untrue …"
The charity special is in two weeks, so mark your calendar. To be out of town where there are no TVs. Nah, just kidding. Raising money is a good thing, and about time since this show has made so much of the green stuff. Sometimes the filthy stinky rich really are Filthy and Stinking. I hope American Idol raises a lot of money if it truly is going to these causes.
Simon proves that he is not the devil (Don Imus is) by sharing a cute and tender moment with little girls in Africa. He shows us the “school in a box” and it is so sad how those kids have to live. Absolutely hilarious moment when a girl draws a picture of Simon with man-boobies. He will never live this down.
Now we have audition footage intercut with Tony Bennett pretending to be a contestant. This is very funny and Tony is adorable in the mustard colored jacket. “Other Door!”
"Would you lie to me …"
Finally a recap of last night’s show. Blake needs to know, the rhythm is gonna get Jordin, LaKisha does the conga beat, Haley turns that beat around, Phil is caterwauling for Maria, Chris is soooo smooth, Melinda dances and sways, and Sanjaya sings in Spanish while goo-goo eying the camera in a way that makes Constantine and Ace look like amateurs.
Ryan chats with the contestants - Sweet Mindy Doo seems thrilled that Simon got the chance to criticize her. Haley is not really offended at being told that she dresses like a slut, even though she is fully covered tonight. Blake is outed as having lyrics written on his wrists, but honestly, only during rehearsal - so hold your angry letters.
Phil feels blessed but is then told that he is in the bottom three. He is not shocked. LaKisha is safe after mind games, Jordin is safe YAY!, Sanjaya is skipped over for now. This is so asinine. Melinda is of course safe, heck with Simon. Haley and her hair extensions are bottom three. Ryan plays the stand up-sit down game with Sanjaya again. This is really ticking me off.
Blake is safe, which is a good thing, lest the cheering audience start breaking windows. Chris is the last of the bottom three to the surprise of all and sundry. The booing can be heard ‘round the world. Thankfully, he is sent back to the couches before any rioting begins.
“Miles to go before we sleep…” so we will not know who will be leaving for awhile.
Jennifer Lopez is going to perform, but before that we get another montage of some of her more provocative outfits and poses. More footage of the kids and Jennifer’s interaction, reminding us that she was a very good coach for them, the most energetic so far.
My Hubby says that he doesn’t think it is fair for the judges to criticize Haley for her scanty outfits; she fits right in with the Gwens and Jens of the music industry. The pros have advanced their careers by playing up the T&A factor. Gotta say he has got a point.
"And call me baby …"
Jennifer does a Spanish song from her latest album and she looks pretty and there are lots of back-up dancers and pyrotechnics. More fireworks are going on at Our House, as My Hubby is ranting that this is AMERICAN Idol and anyone who performs on this show should speak AMERICAN for George Washington’s sake! It is so annoying when I actually agree with him twice in one night. I mean, why aren’t there Italian and Chinese and Martian language options available at the ATM? More Things That Make You Go Hmmm.
Hubby finally STHU when Our Kid tells him that J.Lo is there to promote her latest album which is in Spanish and isn’t it better that she is not performing in one of the bikinis from the “Waiting for Tonight” video? That would be a big Yes, since AI is supposedly a family show.
The song is finally mercifully over, and then Jen chats with Ryan about how impressed she is with the contestants. Cool moment when she says that she is from the Paula School of Criticism. (And Singing & Dancing but that goes without saying.)
Finally, it is time to find out who is going home, even though no one really cares much at this point. After much “Deal or No Deal”-like tension, we find out that Hot Legs Haley’s time is up. Her “going home” montage reminds us that she did not always channel her inner Kat McPhee, however the scanty outfits and short-shorts have always been a staple.
Haley’s sing out actually sounds better tonight than last night, probably because the pressure is off now. No worries for Ms. Scarnato – she has a wedding to plan and hopefully some ladies’ razor commercials to do. And hey, Kathie Lee is going to have to retire from that cruise ship someday.
Adios, coqueta Pastel de queso.
The only Jennifer Lopez song that I like comes to mind as I get ready to watch the show tonight.
"If you had my love …"
Well, it’s official. This show has become so uninteresting to me that at this point I have to PAY myself to watch it. I get one Choco Taco for each hour. Let’s make that one BOX of Choco Tacos for each hour. Yeah - that’s the ticket. Sort of the reverse of what that silly girl “J” was doing with the “Starvation for Sanjaya” diet plan. But let’s get real - in spite of the show becoming a one-joke wonder, it is not worth starving (or gorging) oneself over.
The results show will now be one hour which means lots of filler fodder and fluff. Ryan banters with the judges about how no one really brought any fire to Latin music night. And there are inside jokes about the mysteries of Paula’s brain.
The group sing is back, as the 8 finalists sing “Bailimos,” or is it Vailimos? Dial-the-most? Don’t really care especially when they pair Sanjaya and Haley to sing together. Much better when Blake and LaKisha duet. Overall not a bad performance from the eight.
"And I gave you all my trust …"
Ryan reminds everyone again to participate in the Dial Idol contest; you could win 10,000 bucks. Funny moment when he tells Simon, “That’s nothing to you, is it Rich Boy?” Ah, Ryan? That was a pot/kettle moment, yes? I mean, you are the one with like ten jobs. Hellllloooo.
Tonight’s dumb question brings back the horrid memories of Katharine fleeing from Meat Loaf in the grande finale last year. Not part of the question, but always forever engrained in my brain – Taylor warding off Toni Braxton’s advances and Elliott practically getting knocked off the stage by Mary J. Blige. Oh, the memories… let me bask for a moment in the good ol’ days of long ago last year.
More numbers: 5000 entries have been made into the songwriting competition but ya only have ‘til next Tuesday. 35 million votes were cast last night.
"Would you comfort me …"
Next, Ryan does “man on the street” type interviews, asking random strangers what they thought of the performances last night. Funniest moments are when Sanjaya’s name is mispronounced and someone asks who the heck is Chris? Then a little black girl totally disses all the white contestants. I’m calling my lawyer dangit! Best of all, the Crab Man from My Name is Earl has a look-a-like.
Oh goody that guy from Akron is back tonight, singing without Gwen Stefani. My Kid tells me that the guy’s name is AKON. Shrug. Now is a good time to take my dogs out, for they are innocent and have no need to be tortured by this so-called singing. To my surprise, My Kid does not even roll her eyes at me.
For the faux Ford ad, we have morphing set to the song “Happy Together.” It starts out with Chris doing his best bobble-head impression and then morphs into Jordin. She morphs into Chris, then it shows the vehicles morphing. Sanjaya morphs into Melinda, then more Fords are shown. LaKisha morphs into an air-drumming Blake who morphs into Haley. Whew, I have a head-ache now from watching all that bobble-headed morphing action.
"And if somehow you knew that your love would be untrue …"
The charity special is in two weeks, so mark your calendar. To be out of town where there are no TVs. Nah, just kidding. Raising money is a good thing, and about time since this show has made so much of the green stuff. Sometimes the filthy stinky rich really are Filthy and Stinking. I hope American Idol raises a lot of money if it truly is going to these causes.
Simon proves that he is not the devil (Don Imus is) by sharing a cute and tender moment with little girls in Africa. He shows us the “school in a box” and it is so sad how those kids have to live. Absolutely hilarious moment when a girl draws a picture of Simon with man-boobies. He will never live this down.
Now we have audition footage intercut with Tony Bennett pretending to be a contestant. This is very funny and Tony is adorable in the mustard colored jacket. “Other Door!”
"Would you lie to me …"
Finally a recap of last night’s show. Blake needs to know, the rhythm is gonna get Jordin, LaKisha does the conga beat, Haley turns that beat around, Phil is caterwauling for Maria, Chris is soooo smooth, Melinda dances and sways, and Sanjaya sings in Spanish while goo-goo eying the camera in a way that makes Constantine and Ace look like amateurs.
Ryan chats with the contestants - Sweet Mindy Doo seems thrilled that Simon got the chance to criticize her. Haley is not really offended at being told that she dresses like a slut, even though she is fully covered tonight. Blake is outed as having lyrics written on his wrists, but honestly, only during rehearsal - so hold your angry letters.
Phil feels blessed but is then told that he is in the bottom three. He is not shocked. LaKisha is safe after mind games, Jordin is safe YAY!, Sanjaya is skipped over for now. This is so asinine. Melinda is of course safe, heck with Simon. Haley and her hair extensions are bottom three. Ryan plays the stand up-sit down game with Sanjaya again. This is really ticking me off.
Blake is safe, which is a good thing, lest the cheering audience start breaking windows. Chris is the last of the bottom three to the surprise of all and sundry. The booing can be heard ‘round the world. Thankfully, he is sent back to the couches before any rioting begins.
“Miles to go before we sleep…” so we will not know who will be leaving for awhile.
Jennifer Lopez is going to perform, but before that we get another montage of some of her more provocative outfits and poses. More footage of the kids and Jennifer’s interaction, reminding us that she was a very good coach for them, the most energetic so far.
My Hubby says that he doesn’t think it is fair for the judges to criticize Haley for her scanty outfits; she fits right in with the Gwens and Jens of the music industry. The pros have advanced their careers by playing up the T&A factor. Gotta say he has got a point.
"And call me baby …"
Jennifer does a Spanish song from her latest album and she looks pretty and there are lots of back-up dancers and pyrotechnics. More fireworks are going on at Our House, as My Hubby is ranting that this is AMERICAN Idol and anyone who performs on this show should speak AMERICAN for George Washington’s sake! It is so annoying when I actually agree with him twice in one night. I mean, why aren’t there Italian and Chinese and Martian language options available at the ATM? More Things That Make You Go Hmmm.
Hubby finally STHU when Our Kid tells him that J.Lo is there to promote her latest album which is in Spanish and isn’t it better that she is not performing in one of the bikinis from the “Waiting for Tonight” video? That would be a big Yes, since AI is supposedly a family show.
The song is finally mercifully over, and then Jen chats with Ryan about how impressed she is with the contestants. Cool moment when she says that she is from the Paula School of Criticism. (And Singing & Dancing but that goes without saying.)
Finally, it is time to find out who is going home, even though no one really cares much at this point. After much “Deal or No Deal”-like tension, we find out that Hot Legs Haley’s time is up. Her “going home” montage reminds us that she did not always channel her inner Kat McPhee, however the scanty outfits and short-shorts have always been a staple.
Haley’s sing out actually sounds better tonight than last night, probably because the pressure is off now. No worries for Ms. Scarnato – she has a wedding to plan and hopefully some ladies’ razor commercials to do. And hey, Kathie Lee is going to have to retire from that cruise ship someday.
Adios, coqueta Pastel de queso.
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