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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

“J to the L-O” On the Block of 8


April 10, 2007

Too darn bad that Gina is not here for Jennifer Lopez week. It’s a crying shame. I was looking forward to seeing her progress throughout the competition and she would have been great tonight. Oh my and heavy sigh …

Reluctantly moving on to the Top Eight and Latin Night. Just for spite, I hope everybody totally blows tonight, hmmmph! (Sorry, can you tell I live with a 14 year old??)

Things are lookin’ up right away, as I see the cast of Drive in the audience tonight. I am looking forward to this show, mainly because Nathan Fillion is a hottie.

A quick montage of J.Lo reminds us that she has a so-so voice but she can dance and move that groove thang. I still have the cassette single of her first song, “If You Had My Love;” that one will get stuck in your head for a long while! Jennifer is a decent actress as well, so she has a lot going for her. I remember seeing her in a Connie Sellecca TV series about 12 years ago. And I love that movie she was in with George Clooney, yowsa. Of course, she is on AI tonight to promote her latest CD, which is a Spanish album… which leads us to Latin music night.

Jenny seems excited about coaching the contestants and she is fun to watch. She admits to watching American Idol every week (like everyone else in the universe) but will not reveal who is her favorite.

Melinda is up first and will be doing a song called “Sway.” Jennifer tells her to bring the sultry, sexy side of herself out into the open. Tonight, Mindy Doo is wearing a lovely black dress and her makeup is great, but her hairdo is school-prom-chaperone. As always, her voice is perfection, even on a song that is not her forte. She has proven that she can and will excel in ANY genre. There are NO boundaries with this wonderful lady and come about mid-May, she will be singing the coronation song. I hope it’s a good one. Judges rave, “another solid performance,” and “very sultry, very smooth.” Simon bursts everyone’s bubble by proclaiming that he did not like it, and I am so busy throwing darts at my TV set that I almost miss Melinda’s wonderful response. She says she is GLAD he got to say something bad. She is so classy and I think she actually blushed when Ryan called her sexy.

LaKisha is up next and she chats with Ryan from the spaceship stools. She explains that the reason she tried out for AI was to make a better life for herself and her daughter. And to share her God-given talent with the world. Humility? Not a strong point for Queen Kiki.

Jennifer shows LaKisha how to dance to the Miami Sound Machine Song “Conga,” which is another song that has been done on the show before. I know it should not matter, but it feels like recycling to me. Tonight, LaKisha looks pretty in a fiery red dress; I am always impressed with her brave fashion choices. For the first time, she does not give me the impression that she is going to kick somebody’s butt. Maybe because the words to the song are fast and it’s hard to sing, dance, breathe, and look mad all at the same time while singing this one. She does better when she stands in place and just SINGS. Judges are mixed, “that was hot right there,” and “it was a real safe LaKisha.” Simon deconstructs the mood once again. He has it out for the divas tonight and even dings her on her dancing. Thank goodness for Ryan, who quips that he’d like to see SIMON try that, thank you very much.

Chris R. is up next and even though he is the only remaining Chris left in the contest, he will always be Chris R. to me. Jennifer is delightful trying to coach him with the song, “Smooth.” Say it ain’t so, Chris. My goodness, Rob Thomas you are NOT. Tonight, the band mercifully drowns him out for the most part as he butchers one of the best pop songs ever recorded. Got to say that he looks handsome though; not in an Ace Young way, but a cutie. Judges inexplicably say, “very very cool” and “hot performance.” Simon adds to the confusion when he says it was better than the first two. Do what Bubba?? They must have been passing the pipe around tonight.

Haley is next and it is time for a nap. This is the spot where Gina should be. Jennifer does her best to help her with “Turn the Beat Around,” and even calls in Blake for reinforcement. Haley and Her Legs do their best to bring out the inner Gloria Estefan but it is just a mess. It’s okay though, she can always do Nair and Venus commercials; she would be perfect for that. Judges say, “karaoke,” and “you had fun up there.” Simon keeps it real when he tells her that dressing like a floozy is NOT going to win her any votes. Of course, she gets teary-eyed but hey if the shoe fits…

Now we have Phil doing “Maria Maria” and Jennifer says that he gave her goose pimples. He has a funny moment when he says that he thought he was singing to J.Lo and wow there she was! I hope the best for Phil tonight, and he starts the song well. In that hat though, all I can think of is the guy in Joe Dirt (it puts the lotion on its skinnnn.) Judges are mixed again, “kinda boring,” “real good vocal,” but “lifeless, no originality.” They want Phil gone soooo badly, how much more obvious can it be? Phil was a thousand times better than Chris Timberfake, but he is not as cookie-cutter. Which means he is not as marketable. What a crock. Why do I watch this show? Oh yeah... that obsession thing.

Jordin and Ryan on the spaceship stools and she says that she would do 80s music if she was one of The Idiots In Charge (TIIC); paraphrasing by me.

Jennifer says that Jordin reminds her of Michael Jackson (???) on “The Rhythm is Gonna Get You.” This makes no sense to me. Does she not get the Perverted Times out where she lives?? No matter, Jordin is gorgeous tonight and her voice is awesome as always. The drummers are out of control, though, and it is very distracting. Jordin proves her professionalism by keeping up with the song in spite of the wacky beat. Judges say, “that was the yo factor, a blast,” and “authentic; you’re adorable.” Simon blows it again by saying that it’s just so-so and nobody freakin’ cares what he says when we disagree with him. Jordin is not only talented, but she is sweet and beautiful, too.

Blake will be doing a song recorded by Jen’s hubby Marc Anthony called “I Need to Know.” Jennifer tries to get him to connect to the lyrics and feel the “passion.” Tonight, Blake is wearing one of the grandpa hats from the Chris R. collection. I like Blake well enough, but he seems plastic for some reason. I don’t sense a real person underneath all that hype. His rendition of this song is just meh, nothing special. He gives a good performance, though; he has the moves downpat for sure. Judges say, “hot song choice,” and “captured the essence of who you are,” and surprisingly Simon says it was, “the best performance so far.” Not understanding the blatant pimpage of Blake and Chris tonight. Actually, I DO understand it, just don’t want to admit that the show that I am obsessed with is fullacrap.

Jennifer bless her heart, does her best with Sanjaya on some song that I have never heard of, which he will be singing in Spanish. Oh crap. Thank goodness, he switched to English mid-stream. I thought My Hubby was going to start throwing tacos at the television. Gotta hand it to Sanjaya tonight though, he did not do too badly. Plus he has changed his look for the better, with shorter hair and some stubble on the chin. Judges say “you are one of the smartest contestants; that was really good!,” and “very very nice.” A funny moment ensues when Simon says that San sang like a fourteen-year-old but it “wasn’t horrible.” Ryan points out that Sanjaya has become a camera harlot (but not in those exact words.) My Hubby says that San will probably be singing at Obama’s inauguration. Oh snnnap!

Recap time … tonight was just so-so for the most part. No one really brought the WOW factor out to play. Guess you need to really be Latino to bring fire to this kind of music. J.Lo should have no fear.

Just a general observation – most of the songs were by Gloria Estefan or Santana. I wonder if they are the only ones who gave permission to use their songs? And why no J.Lo songs? Things That Make You Go Hmmm.

I am supporting the underdog and pulling for Phil tonight. He has been bashed undeservedly over and over again. I hope his fan base brings him through. Haley was the worst one tonight but unfortunately she and her legs and pitiful tears will more than likely stick around.

And now it’s “House On A Plane.” Hope they don’t say the MF word too much.

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