May 6, 2008
First, a rant - Ryan gets a trazillion dollars every time he utters the phrase “THIS. IS AMERICAN IDOL.” So it seems like his stylist would do something with his Alfalfa hairdo. Sticky-uppy locks and banker suits don’t mix, Seacrest. Oy.
Tonight’s theme: Songs from the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame. If I were casting this play, these are the parts that would be given out: Archie on Led Zep, Syesha doing Joan Jett, Castro playing Kiss, and Cook channeling the Stones. Probably a good thing that I am not onboard as a consultant, huh?
I bet myself two sugar-free Popsicles that one of these contestants will perform “Stand by Me” but none will do “Sexual Healing.” (Yep, Marvin is on the list.)
Before we can get started with the singing, we are forced to do the homework. Ryan narrates a documentary about the history of rock-n-roll music. We go wayyyy back to when TV was in black & white and folks thought horn-rimmed glasses were cool. “Distortion” was the key word back in the day.
I know it’s only rock–n–roll but I like it, yes I do
Rocker Dave is up first and he’s do-do-do-do-doing “Hungry Like the Wolf” by Duran Duran. He looks extra rockish tonight in leather and mostly-all-black, but he does not give it his all vocally this time like he usually does. All I can think of is Simon le Bon and the Jungle Woman when I hear this ditty. Coral-clad Randy was expecting a lot more from David, as were we all. Somewhat Normal Paula says that she is hungry for more, yowsa! Staid Simon isn’t real excited but not a hater and thinks that Dave will make it to the finals anyway. Gotta say, out of the list of 500 songs to choose from, this was not the wisest choice, especially as an opener in the spot of doom.
I love rock–n–roll so put another dime in the jukebox baby
Up next on the chat stools with Ryan, is Syesha who once again looks like a movie star. She says that she can not wait for the tour. Even though it has already been covered at least seventy five million times, Syesha is doing “Proud Mary.” Knew it! For some reason, tonight Syesha reminds me of the Hispanic/African American version of Kat McPhee. Maybe it’s the hair extensions and the fear that the massive head-shaking is going to make them fly loose. Sye does okay but she’s no Tina Turner. Randy and Paula love her and think she’s magic. Simon keeps it more real and calls her on the not-being-Tina thing (that I said, called it!) Ryan likes her moves but keeps his distance.
I wanna rock and roll all nite … and party every day
Thank goodness that Jason has heard of this thing called rock-n-roll and actually knows a couple of tunes already. For some reason he is doing a reggae version of “I Shot the Sheriff” in the style of Bob Marley. Geez Castro, great song choice for a family show with lots of tweeners watching. His dreads are hanging in full Battlefield Earth mode, and much like that movie, Jason’s song is a bomb. Randy and Simon tell Jason that he is the worst thing since William Hung and the “We are Brothers Forever” guy. Paula and Ryan try to keep them from storming the stage and beating him with his guitar. Poor Jason says he was just trying to keep it real for Marley cuz he had dreads too, man.
It’s been a long time since I rock and rolled
Just to prove that Aunt Pearl knows her American Idol, guess what. Everyone’s favorite munchkin, Little David is singing “Stand by Me” tonight. Oh yes he is. Just as he has done almost every single time, his vocal is mostly excellent. A bit breathy, but all the better to deliver the line about the “beautiful girls.” He is an adorable kid. If you took Carrie-bot, Lisa Tucker, and Melinda Doolittle and blended them together and shaped them into a teenage boy, you get our Archie. All three judges love him to pieces and Simon even says that he could have whistled his tune and been better than Castro. Ryan scolds David to stand up straight and not pass out. And eat his veggies.
Rock–n–roll is here to stay, it will never die
We are back for round two and it’s Dave Cook on the chat stools with Ryan. Looks like they had time for a costume change this week. David talks about how this really should be a good week for him and he’s sorry for the “wolf” thing. For his second tune he’s doing the Who song that is the opening theme for CSI: NY, the one that stars Forrest’s friend Lt. Dan. Our very good rocker David is back in his element with this one, taking a classic tune and changing it up emo-style in that awesome way that he does. I love it and so does the audience. Randy tells him that this was more like the real him and Paula wants MORE. Simon simply says, “Welcome back David Cook.”
Just let me hear some of that rock-n-roll music, any old way you choose it
Country stars Rascal Flatts are in the audience and Ryan seems more excited about them than Syesha’s next song. She is doing Sam Cooke’s “A Change is Going to Come” which is just as much about Syesha’s American Idol journey as it is about the civil rights movement. At least that’s what she says. Syesha is surprising me more and more these days. She has gone from Whitney wannabe diva-lite to a bona fide superstar in the making. Still diva-lite and yet… she’s awesome. Randy didn’t like this very much and says nobody should be messin’ with Sam. Paula gives her a standing ovation, says nice things and makes Syesha cry. She cries even harder when Simon agrees with Paula.
Give me the beat boys and free my soul; I wanna get lost in your rock-n-roll
For his second song, Jason has chosen another Bob, this time Bob Dylan. He has the tentacles pulled back and does the song on a stool with his guitar. It seems like he flubs the words, or maybe the lyrics go like that? He does admit to losing the lyrics and the judges are so disappointed that they’re practically speechless. It seems as though Jason has a checklist: Things That Will Get Me Voted Off Idol. Flubbed lyrics? Check. Being karaoke? Check. He really does have a nice voice and is a true cutie pie. Where is the Castro of “Hallelujah” and “Over the Rainbow?” Heck, even his first time out with “Daydream” was better than these past couple weeks. Simon says pack yer bags, dreads.
Well I don’t care about history, rock rock rock-n-roll high school
To close the show, Little teeny tiny David is doing Elvis’ “Love Me Tender” in that sweet Archuleta way. He researched this song because there are many versions out there, although none performed by Zac Efron. The camera loves David and stays close-up on his face almost the entire time. His voice sounds good as ever but he’s more like HSM than Presley. Randy says it was the “hot vocals” right there. Paula thinks it’s one of her favorites from him. Simon pronounces that Little David has not beaten but crushed the competition tonight. Partially true except that the other David did exceptionally well tonight also. Ryan says that now Archie’s new nickname is Crusher.
Recap time… I want to buy David Cook’s CD right now. Actually he had one pre-Idol called Analog Heart but chatter on the net says it is no longer available. Idol vultures!
Going home … should be Jason who has morphed into this year’s Sanjaya Malakar which is really too bad.
Quotes:
Regarding Syesha’s performance –
Ryan: “Randy, how can you and Cowell be in such an opposite place after that song?”
Randy: “Let’s see, he’s from England, I’m from Louisiana; we’re from different places Ryan. There’s a lot of distance.”
Ryan (to the judges): “We’re running out of time, Hell’s Kitchen’s gonna start!”
‘Til tomorrow… Ryan reminds us that it was at this crucial point in seasons past that we lost Tamyra and Daughtry. So let’s vote y’all…speed dial for a David.
First, a rant - Ryan gets a trazillion dollars every time he utters the phrase “THIS. IS AMERICAN IDOL.” So it seems like his stylist would do something with his Alfalfa hairdo. Sticky-uppy locks and banker suits don’t mix, Seacrest. Oy.
Tonight’s theme: Songs from the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame. If I were casting this play, these are the parts that would be given out: Archie on Led Zep, Syesha doing Joan Jett, Castro playing Kiss, and Cook channeling the Stones. Probably a good thing that I am not onboard as a consultant, huh?
I bet myself two sugar-free Popsicles that one of these contestants will perform “Stand by Me” but none will do “Sexual Healing.” (Yep, Marvin is on the list.)
Before we can get started with the singing, we are forced to do the homework. Ryan narrates a documentary about the history of rock-n-roll music. We go wayyyy back to when TV was in black & white and folks thought horn-rimmed glasses were cool. “Distortion” was the key word back in the day.
I know it’s only rock–n–roll but I like it, yes I do
Rocker Dave is up first and he’s do-do-do-do-doing “Hungry Like the Wolf” by Duran Duran. He looks extra rockish tonight in leather and mostly-all-black, but he does not give it his all vocally this time like he usually does. All I can think of is Simon le Bon and the Jungle Woman when I hear this ditty. Coral-clad Randy was expecting a lot more from David, as were we all. Somewhat Normal Paula says that she is hungry for more, yowsa! Staid Simon isn’t real excited but not a hater and thinks that Dave will make it to the finals anyway. Gotta say, out of the list of 500 songs to choose from, this was not the wisest choice, especially as an opener in the spot of doom.
I love rock–n–roll so put another dime in the jukebox baby
Up next on the chat stools with Ryan, is Syesha who once again looks like a movie star. She says that she can not wait for the tour. Even though it has already been covered at least seventy five million times, Syesha is doing “Proud Mary.” Knew it! For some reason, tonight Syesha reminds me of the Hispanic/African American version of Kat McPhee. Maybe it’s the hair extensions and the fear that the massive head-shaking is going to make them fly loose. Sye does okay but she’s no Tina Turner. Randy and Paula love her and think she’s magic. Simon keeps it more real and calls her on the not-being-Tina thing (that I said, called it!) Ryan likes her moves but keeps his distance.
I wanna rock and roll all nite … and party every day
Thank goodness that Jason has heard of this thing called rock-n-roll and actually knows a couple of tunes already. For some reason he is doing a reggae version of “I Shot the Sheriff” in the style of Bob Marley. Geez Castro, great song choice for a family show with lots of tweeners watching. His dreads are hanging in full Battlefield Earth mode, and much like that movie, Jason’s song is a bomb. Randy and Simon tell Jason that he is the worst thing since William Hung and the “We are Brothers Forever” guy. Paula and Ryan try to keep them from storming the stage and beating him with his guitar. Poor Jason says he was just trying to keep it real for Marley cuz he had dreads too, man.
It’s been a long time since I rock and rolled
Just to prove that Aunt Pearl knows her American Idol, guess what. Everyone’s favorite munchkin, Little David is singing “Stand by Me” tonight. Oh yes he is. Just as he has done almost every single time, his vocal is mostly excellent. A bit breathy, but all the better to deliver the line about the “beautiful girls.” He is an adorable kid. If you took Carrie-bot, Lisa Tucker, and Melinda Doolittle and blended them together and shaped them into a teenage boy, you get our Archie. All three judges love him to pieces and Simon even says that he could have whistled his tune and been better than Castro. Ryan scolds David to stand up straight and not pass out. And eat his veggies.
Rock–n–roll is here to stay, it will never die
We are back for round two and it’s Dave Cook on the chat stools with Ryan. Looks like they had time for a costume change this week. David talks about how this really should be a good week for him and he’s sorry for the “wolf” thing. For his second tune he’s doing the Who song that is the opening theme for CSI: NY, the one that stars Forrest’s friend Lt. Dan. Our very good rocker David is back in his element with this one, taking a classic tune and changing it up emo-style in that awesome way that he does. I love it and so does the audience. Randy tells him that this was more like the real him and Paula wants MORE. Simon simply says, “Welcome back David Cook.”
Just let me hear some of that rock-n-roll music, any old way you choose it
Country stars Rascal Flatts are in the audience and Ryan seems more excited about them than Syesha’s next song. She is doing Sam Cooke’s “A Change is Going to Come” which is just as much about Syesha’s American Idol journey as it is about the civil rights movement. At least that’s what she says. Syesha is surprising me more and more these days. She has gone from Whitney wannabe diva-lite to a bona fide superstar in the making. Still diva-lite and yet… she’s awesome. Randy didn’t like this very much and says nobody should be messin’ with Sam. Paula gives her a standing ovation, says nice things and makes Syesha cry. She cries even harder when Simon agrees with Paula.
Give me the beat boys and free my soul; I wanna get lost in your rock-n-roll
For his second song, Jason has chosen another Bob, this time Bob Dylan. He has the tentacles pulled back and does the song on a stool with his guitar. It seems like he flubs the words, or maybe the lyrics go like that? He does admit to losing the lyrics and the judges are so disappointed that they’re practically speechless. It seems as though Jason has a checklist: Things That Will Get Me Voted Off Idol. Flubbed lyrics? Check. Being karaoke? Check. He really does have a nice voice and is a true cutie pie. Where is the Castro of “Hallelujah” and “Over the Rainbow?” Heck, even his first time out with “Daydream” was better than these past couple weeks. Simon says pack yer bags, dreads.
Well I don’t care about history, rock rock rock-n-roll high school
To close the show, Little teeny tiny David is doing Elvis’ “Love Me Tender” in that sweet Archuleta way. He researched this song because there are many versions out there, although none performed by Zac Efron. The camera loves David and stays close-up on his face almost the entire time. His voice sounds good as ever but he’s more like HSM than Presley. Randy says it was the “hot vocals” right there. Paula thinks it’s one of her favorites from him. Simon pronounces that Little David has not beaten but crushed the competition tonight. Partially true except that the other David did exceptionally well tonight also. Ryan says that now Archie’s new nickname is Crusher.
Recap time… I want to buy David Cook’s CD right now. Actually he had one pre-Idol called Analog Heart but chatter on the net says it is no longer available. Idol vultures!
Going home … should be Jason who has morphed into this year’s Sanjaya Malakar which is really too bad.
Quotes:
Regarding Syesha’s performance –
Ryan: “Randy, how can you and Cowell be in such an opposite place after that song?”
Randy: “Let’s see, he’s from England, I’m from Louisiana; we’re from different places Ryan. There’s a lot of distance.”
Ryan (to the judges): “We’re running out of time, Hell’s Kitchen’s gonna start!”
‘Til tomorrow… Ryan reminds us that it was at this crucial point in seasons past that we lost Tamyra and Daughtry. So let’s vote y’all…speed dial for a David.
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