May 7, 2008
As they say in the farming business, “we’re in the short rows now.” Two weeks from tonight, the season 7 winner will be crowned. Where did the time go?
Oooh Howie in the audience with no cases to open! I like his fabulous OCD self.
Ryan, who seems to have lost all of his jovialness, tells us that 51 million votes were cast last night. The tweeners sure were up past bedtime.
We rehash the accusation that Randy was the big bully who made Syesha cry, but it was really all Paula’s fault. It seems that Sye is one of those people who lets the waterworks flow when someone is nice to her. She’s okay now and did not need to borrow Brooke’s straight jacket.
This week’s group song is Steely Dan’s “Reeling in the Years,” and I feel like a parrot for repeating the same thing every single week. So just press PLAY: singing – good; choreography – awful. Nice touch with the guitar player getting his entrance. It’s good to see the band members receive their props.
Recap time of the final four… Syesha was rolling on the river. Cook was hungry like a wolf. Jason did not shoot the deputy or Bob Marley. David wants to stand in line by us at Disneyland. Cook lives in a teenage wasteland of voters. Syesha is expecting some changes to the dreams she’s crying about. Jason did not shoot the tambourine man either, Simon. Archie loves us and always will, especially on coronation night.
Dim the lights, we are sending someone to the couch. Little David is up first and after mumbling and stuttering awhile, he is pronounced safe. So dumb a question: “Do you want to be the next American Idol?” Just once I wish someone would answer, “Why no Ryan! I am really aiming for that theatrical cabaret theme park singing job on Carnival cruise lines.”
Commercials… ‘Tis the season of so many movies and so little time. My Kid wants to see Iron Man and I am game for the latest Narnia offering. Would not go see Sex & the City if Mr. Big was there in person. Nekkid.
Next we get to see highlights of a trip that the final four took to Vegas, starting with the private jet. They go see The Beatles musical Love and a fancy circus. Or is it the two things combined? Can’t really tell and don’t care, as it seems that this would be both the fifth and sixth layers of Hades. Castro seems to think so as well.
It is fun to see the Idols meeting fans and signing autographs. Just a taste of what is to come for them.
More results… Rocker David and Ryan chat about presumably presumptuous song choices, and how he really hopes that America likes songs in which the title does not match the lyrics. He is safe and that is no wasteland, Baba.
Final two standing are brought out next, Jason and Syesha. We are all aware that there’s still a half hour to go with lots of things to do. Castro is like, dude you sending me home now? And Ryan goes something to the effect of WAY to steal my thunder Chong!
This week’s Ford-mercial is the Worst. One. Ever. Set to an awfully sung “Ring of Fire,” the four contestants are dressed as matadors with a Mustang as the “bull.” I call a different kind of bull here. Ouch, my ears say. Yikes, my eyes moan.
More punishment awaits as now it’s viewer call time. Nigel and Crew, please for the love of all that is holy, why?? Aren’t the mosh pit girls with their off-beat arm-swaying bad enough? With all this evil, are you trying out for a role on The Reaper?
My Kid says to don’t even try to bribe her to watch in my place, but fortunately My Hubby is in a generous mood. I go pop three bags of Orville while he watches this segment.
Here is a guy’s version of what transpired: some slutty fan wants the rocker guy to go out with her when he’s in town on tour; the pretty black girl gets stage fright sometimes even though she’s the only gal left now or something like that. That dreadlocked muppet admits that he’s braindead which is obvious. Simon wants to be a knight and James Bond because he loves himself so very much.
Maroon 5 is back on the show this year. They visited last year and Blake even sang two of their songs. The only thing I know about this group otherwise is that one of their videos is cool - the one where the lead singer is dating the daughter but the mom is hotter (because she’s Kelly Preston.) Both My Hubby and Kid like this group and the song but I don’t and even have to sit through a replay. See, that’s what I get for asking for that recapping-of-phone-calls favor. At least the lead singer is clever and amusing during Seacrest Chat Time.
My very favorite season four contestant is next – Bo Bice in the AI house! He sings his latest single called “Witness” and rocks out on guitar. Oh but only if, right? During his tenure, instruments were not allowed. The first gadgetry we saw on the show was the finale of season five when Taylor jammed down the stairs on harmonica.
Suddenly occurring… I really am an obsessed freak over this show, aren’t I? Geesh. I need a 12 step program. Two weeks and one day from now it will be over and I can move on to other things, like snorkeling or cliff diving. Maybe paper maché or scrapbooking. Maybe I will finally have time to watch the last three Netflix movies that came in the mail. But I digress because I do not want the season to be over. {Pout, stomp.}
At the break... Ace Young is guest starring on Bones! How cool is that?
Okay, so back to tonight’s show and the final two standing. After rattling on about everything from gun violence to politics to Syesha’s brand of teeth whitening that she needs to tell Bo about, all 500 songs on the Hall of Fame list, their last geography test, and Randy’s favorite color of dawg, we finally hear the anticlimactic news.
Syesha is in the top 3 and Jason is going home. His bags have been packed for awhile and the relief that shows all over the guy is palpable.
One of the most endearing things about Jason is that he always wears his heart on his sleeve; there is no pretense with him. This is evident in his “celebrate me home” video which shows some footage that is new to us. It is fun to watch Jason do an acoustic version of “Since You Been Gone” while standing next to the angel/pimp/brother guy. My Kid squeals at the cuteness of him but is not sad that he’s leaving because she wants Rocker Dave to win.
Even though we’re out of time, we do get 30 seconds of Jason once again shooting the sheriff, reggae music, his dreadlocks, the mic stand, all three judges, and 19 Entertainment.
Not sure what is in store for next week, but can’t wait. Am not disappointed in this final three; we’re in for a good ride.
Quote of the evening:
Jason on a Plane: “Sleepin’ in the sky? Oooh. Cool.”
Until next week then… shall it be Iron Man or the new Narnia?
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