5/23/06The American Idol Season 5 Encores CD is out today! I probably won’t buy it since I already have the songs I want. Legally of course, as I would never want to rip off the well-oiled AI machine. Speaking of which, just to prove that American Idol is Latin for Greedy Beasts, guess what they are offering this week only? Performance downloads are available for purchase, folks. But ya better act fast, they expire at COB tomorrow!
Tonight America proves once again that it prefers vanilla. Idol 2006 is like déjà vu all over again. Guy vs. Gal. Only instead of Country Girl vs. Southern Rocker, we have Valley Girl vs. the Captain of the Soul Patrol! Soul Patrol!
In one corner we have Katharine “I Just Can’t Sing the Melody” McPhee. We have gotten to know Kat pretty well over the past few weeks, yet she still remains a bit mysterious. If you ask 10 people what they think, you’ll hear 10 different opinions. The Kid thinks that she is straight out of Mean Girls, but I think Kat is so “fetch” and not like Regina George at all.
The gyrating amalgamation of Charles/ Cocker /McDonald is in the second corner. Taylor “Just Be Still and Sing – Who Me??” Hicks is part wild man, part sweetie-pie, and all showman. One thing everyone can agree on – he has a smile that can light up a room. And sometimes his eyes are spooky. He is The Kid’s pick to win this year now that Chris is *sniff* gone. (Ow, she just frogged me!)
As for me, it’s a toss up. In other words, a thousand buckets of not-caring. My fave gal, Mandisa, was out way too early and my fave guy… well we know what happened to him. “The Little Bald Rocker That Could.”
You don’t have to be Allison Dubois or even Cole Sear to see the somewhat ravaged spirits in the Kodak Theater tonight. Some of these Ghosts of Idols Past will be performing on tomorrow night’s TWO HOUR results show finale.
Ryan “I Will Need Another Job Come Thursday” Seacrest makes a dramatic entrance. Oh, you diva! Some celebs up in the house tonight y’all – Mandy Moore, Ben Stiller, Christina Applegate, Taye Diggs, and was that Celine Dion or a look-a-like?
The “Yes We Found Them” judges are introduced and then given a pop quiz. “What does each contestant have to do to break out?” Platitudes are distributed all around. And Simon is wearing a jacket. (Did not get the Hell Froze Over news bulletin.)
Katharine and Taylor’s video montages are intertwined and set to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.” Being a spazzy ditz, I get all teary-eyed watching this. I like both contestants equally so it is very hard to not feel all mushy. It’s McPheever vs. The Soul Patrol!
Daughtry and wife are in the house! With Ace’s brother, which proves that they really are just a big happy fam. And there’s Pickler with her pretty haircut. Blink-and-you-miss-it glances of some of the others from this year. The Pheely McOdd Parents are dressed for senior prom and they give great gush with Ryan.
First up, Katharine does a not-on-my-knees reprise of “Black Horse & the Cherry Tree.” I heard on the radio that the “real” version of this song has sky-rocketed up the charts since Kat did it a few weeks ago. Oh, the power! It is my opinion that our girl has a prettier voice than this KT chick. Kat looks eleventy-five shades of nervous as the judges pronounce her just an okay warm-up. She Val-speaks to Ryan that she chose this song because… like I’m just as good as anyone in the Top 40 right now! I am! Really, I am! And you know what? She is correct; as a matter of fact I believe that Katharine McPhee is just as good if not better than 99% of the drivel that passes for "singing" on pop radio today. She deserves those thousand roses and many more to come!
From the audience here comes Taylor, hicks’ing down the stairs. He sings “Living for the City” again, and is wearing a Barney-the-dinosaur-purple velvet jacket. For no particular reason at all. And there’s that shirt buttoned all the way to the top again. Sure wish he’d show a little man-flesh. (The Kid says EWWWW to that, tee hee.) His voice is the best I have ever heard it, and he does a potpourri of all his best moves. Up the stairs fast, down the stairs slow. Crazy eyes at the camera. Palsy, gyrate, spazz. Spin, etc. Most definitely his Best Performance Ever. He does not even break a sweat, so cool this guy. The judges think he is hot! Especially Paula “I Was a Laker Girl and Still Shake My Poms Poms” Abdul who goes all wacky with the “our outfits match” tirade. (For the record, they don't match at all. Silly Paula.) The Brit is a hoot when he admits that he was wrong way way back when he said Taylor was not AI material. A joyful Taylor thanks his brother for encouraging him to try out for the show, there are tears in his eyes and it’s just soooo awesome.
“Somewhere Over the Rainbow” is the song that Katharine re-performs next. Auntie Em, Uncle Henry, Glinda and even that mean ol' Miss Gulch agree that this should go down in history as the Single Best Performance ever in the history of American Idol. Kat cashes that “moment” check and takes it to the bank. She is so gorgeous and her voice is incredible. I predicted way way back during the Ho’wood rounds that this girl would make it to the Top 2. Ryan and Kat make with the McFunny when she tries to explain the finer points of the ear monitor to him.
Taylor’s adorable parents are singled out before Taylor does his next song, “Levon.” This is not one of my favorite songs that he has done on the show, but Taylor really likes it and you can tell; he gives it his all. Vocally, he is very good, understated. Just to prove it can be done. Judges don’t like this as much but they can’t resist his wonderful and genuine smile. The Essence of Taylor Hicks should be the title of his first CD. Alas, Ryan has to break up a judge riot before this round is over.
Before Katharine’s next performance, she and her parents talk about how she has been singing since like forever. She is singing what Ryan calls “her first single” – the token AI song for this year called “My Destiny.” The beginning of this song reminds me of the Evanescence ballad until it gets all Inspirational and You Believe In Me-ish. Yikes, this is not a good song for the Kool Kitty Kat. Most parts are too low and not good for her voice at all. Methinks there is a conspiracy afoot. This song, the signature song for the winner, a song written by Someone Affiliated With The Show in Some Way. Hmmm. Unfortunately it just gets worse when the blue-robed choir joins her onstage. Oh, poor Katharine. Not Your Destiny to do This Song. And the judges lament that it was the song that was bad, not the beautiful, brilliant and amazing singer. Randy “You Are In the Dawg Pound Eternally!” Jackson does not seem to care if he offends Nigel & Co. by saying the song sucked. Heh. Kat giggles and shivers and it's sweet how she waves at her fans for the final time. She even gives Ryan a snuggle and he doesn’t even give the “ooh cooties” vibe. It’s all good, this banter, hoping to erase the bad "destiny" song from our minds forever.
Taylor and his dad reminisce about when he taught himself how to play the harmonica and how it was just the beginning of good things. Taylor’s token AI original is called “Do I Make You Proud.” Evidently there are two different “coronation” songs this year. This one is not much better than the slice of cheese that Katharine forced upon us. Am thinking that the songwriters need to seek other employment? The blue-robed choir members join in when appropriate and even though Taylor’s voice is great on this mess of a song, he seems to be thinking, “ya gotta be freakin’ kiddin’ me right??” I admire him even more for the effort he gives it. At the end he does Jumping Jacks while chanting “Soul Patrol” a zillion times. Judges are glad that he took this steaming pile of crapola tune and tried to spin gold with it. Simon “I Am Not the Anti-Christ (Madonna Is)” Cowell proclaims Taylor the winner while Randy and Paula gloat again that Simon was the one who passed on Taylor way way back during the auditions.
Okay, during the recap of tonight’s show, I made my decision. I want Taylor to win. And yes Regis-Ryan, that’s my final answer.
Unbelievable but true… Daniel Powter closes the show tonight doing the Bad Day song live, with the big screen showing highlights of this season’s show. I cry a river of tears and need to be committed to a mental institution stat! Kleenex is not enough, bring me the Bounty.
I can’t believe that it’s almost over…
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