The Top Ten Gals are Mostly Just “Meh”

February 28, 2007

As I prepare myself to watch this episode, I ponder - why am I so hooked on this show? For the most part, I don’t even LIKE pop music these days. I turned my back on “today’s top 40” a few years ago, when I heard my then-nine-year-old daughter singing “there goes my shirt up over my head, oh my.” Oh my was right and that was it for me. I switched my radio to KLOVE and there was no turning back.

Now that My Kid is all teenagery and I can not seem to find a way to keep her locked up (heh), she is exposed to secular music. Every once in awhile a good pop/rock group comes along that she really likes. Since I am a nosy mother, I “investigate” the artist before allowing her to buy any mainstream CD. Fortunately, our tastes are very similar (imagine that!) and she has introduced me to some good stuff. Unfortunately, for every Evanescence and Three Days Grace, there are at least ten Britneys and Eminems. But I digress, cuz…

THIS is American Idol and the Top Ten ladies are here tonight to hopefully rock our worlds like they did last week. As Ryan rushes down the stairs past them, it looks as if most of them are dressed for prom night. In the seventies.

Ryan’s outfit reminds me of the fashion equivalent of a mullet: business on top and party on the bottom. Guess I am too elderly to “get” the jacket-tie-jeans thing. I don’t usually notice the judges wardrobe but Randy’s shirt looks like a quilt that my Granny made 30 years ago. As Ryan chats with the judges, I get out my handy dandy “bingo” card that I found on the ‘net.

As with the guys, it is dedication night for the ladies. Up first is Gina who dedicates her song to her boyfriend Joe. You can tell who Joe is – he is the one that she jumps all over whenever she gets good news. Gina looks pretty tonight, like she is going to a biker’s prom. She sings “Alone” by Heart, one of my favorite songs. She is okay, but Carrie did this song better in season four. The backup singers are very distracting which is déjà vu since they were the same way for Carrie. Judges one and two liked her performance but Simon is wondering where oh where did the rocker chick go? Paula is like, hello she has a tattoo, ‘k?? And she makes with the sarcastic, “DO take fashion advice from Simon.”

Ryan does the chit-chat thang on the red couch. LaKisha says she has not been paying attention to the media buzz about her, thank you very much.

Performing next, is gorgeous Alaina, who “100%” dedicates her song to her mom. She seems very sweet and sincere in her interview. But for some reason, she thought that it would be a good idea to do a Dixie Chicks song on … are you ready? AMERICAN Idol. Poor Alaina just either has no common sense or she’s trying to get voted off. Who cares that Big Mouthed Natalie and crew won Grammys for this album – those awards are selected by the liberal BS’ers of Ho’wood, so no shock there. The judges agree that this was a stupid song choice and she did poorly, and this is going to get her sent home tomorrow. Alaina, get those college apps ready…

LaKisha dedicates her song to her adorable grandmother. So funny when she says that the ninety-year-old is in “luv” with Ryan. Heart sigh. So tonight, LaKisha is wearing a fabulous blouse in a bright coral color. Man, I want that shirt; that color would look good on me. And I have to say that I wish that I was brave enough to wear a jean mini skirt with four inch heels. As a heavy woman myself, I find it inspiring to see her in that outfit and feel just fine in her own skin. She sings “Midnight Train to Georgia” and she does it just as good as Paris did last year. Obviously, the song selections for this show are very limited because most of the songs this year are repeat-os. All of the judges love LaKisha’s singing but Simon said her outfit was “distracting.” Well, I find his complete assholism to be distracting, so there!

Melinda is up next and she is my this-year’s-Mandisa, which means I LOVE HER. She is so cool, talking about her best friends and “go to” girls. She explains that they told her that she would be “Oprah” and they would be her “Gayles.” She looks great tonight and sounds fantastic on “My Funny Valentine,” and this is a performance that will go down in AI history. This is her element; it is not even fair for her to be in the same competition as the others at this point. She is just that good. The judges are blown away and it is so adorable how Melinda still seems shocked when they compliment her; she does not realize just how fantastic she is. Funny moment when Simon says that “we have had some precocious little monsters on this show.” Heh, wonder if he was referring to a certain fake-rocker who sang this song during Broadway week of season four? Oh the memories…

Next, Ryan and Antonella talk about all those skanky internet photos of her looking and acting like a ‘ho. Just kidding! They discuss how badly she sucked last week. She dedicates her song to her brother who is also a musician but without the nudie pix, snap. Her That 70s Show dress is very short, which means the guy-viewers will be happy. Tonight she sings the Celine song from the movie where Robert Redford dies and Michelle Pfeiffer has a lot of different hairdos. She does not do a howling-dog bad job with this song, it’s just meh. Randy and Paula are not greatly impressed and Simon says that it is even worse than last week. Antonella proves herself to be a brat as well as a skank by snarking that “Simon was wrong about Jennifer Hudson so…” To his credit, Simon immediately sets her straight by reminding her that it was THE VOTERS that got rid of Jennifer, thank you very much, not HIM. So hmmmph.

Ryan welcomes us back to “the circus” and then jokes that Sanjaya has better hair than any of the girls. A & A would object greatly to that, I bet.

Up now is Jordin, who cries when she talks about her lovable little brother who is “her rock.” I really like Jordin, ever since her very first audition. She seems very emotional tonight, even though she looks beautiful in a very pretty satin dress. Yet another repeat song that Ayla did last year, “Reflection,” which is from the Disney movie Mulan. Jordin seems nervous and out of sorts tonight and does not do as well as last week. I am still wondering why the darn songbook is so limited on this show? I know that some artists will not give permission for their songs to be used but that seems so dumb. 37 grazillion people watch this show and record sales go up every time a song is sung. So it is win-win all around. The rich get richer. The sun will come out tomorrow, tomorrow. But I digress because I am kinda bored. Finally it is over and Jordin just cries and cries. The judges say only nice things so that the poor child will not have a nervous breakdown.

Ryan tells us that Kellie Pickler is going to be on the show tomorrow night and about five people clap. Heh. Then he tries to get Stephanie to admit that girls are catty, cuz we all know that they are… (Example right here on This Blog baybee! Yeah!) ... but she insists that every girl there are BFFs!

Stephanie’s song is dedicated to her mom and dad who pushed her to audition. We finally get to see a bit of what happened during her first round. She looks like a supermodel; I bet Tyra doesn’t have anyone as pretty as her on her show this year. Tonight, Stephanie sings some song that I have never heard of and she does good with it. She is very pretty and glamorous and looks like a true star already. Something about her reminds me of Fantasia; I suppose it is the haircut. Randy said that she was “Beyonce-lite” and he wants Stephanie darn it. Paula and Simon think she is terrific. Funny moment when Randy name-drops and Paula does the fake-snooze.

Ryan chats with “the anonymous girls,” Haley and Leslie, who are hoping to be less cabaret (Haley) and less gawky (Leslie.)

Leslie talks about her late grandpa Bob, at least I think that is what she says. Her segment makes me cry a little bit, especially when they show pictures of him and Leslie together. Tonight she is singing a song that sounds familiar and before it’s over I realize that A.J. sang this song just last night. I like Leslie’s version of this jazzy song but her look tonight? - Judy Jetson called, she wants her outfit back. She does a cool scat thing at the end. The Hub thinks that she is very pretty. Randy said it was pitchy, Paula loved the jazz, and very funny moment when Simon says that the scatting reminding him of Paula’s talking. LOL LOL LOL.

Now we have Haley, who talks about her fiancé always being there for her, blah blah blah. She is pretty in a Miss America pageant generic kinda way. My Kid asks, “who is she?” and thinks that the song she’s singing is “Queen of the Nuns.” I tell her that I think it is actually queen of the night. Haley has the crimped hair going tonight and she has her skinny jeans tucked into her boots, just like we did in the 80s. The judges dis’ her for choosing a song that has so much background singing (uh, hello? “Alone” did too!) Simon tells her that she is vulnerable and she cries prettily and who cares anyway because her handsome fella is in the audience tonight.

Lastly, Sabrina dedicates her song to her grandmother. Something about the old-people-dedications get me teary and makes me miss my own granny so much. Something about Sabrina reminds me of Dr. Cuddy on House. Maybe it is the nose? The hair? At any rate, she sings a Whitney song and does an awesome job with it. She does not miss a note except the very last one. The judges liked her big ol’ voice and praise her as they usually do the last contestant of each singing evening. Simon reminds them, us, and everyone that they should not choose songs that are going to lead to comparisons to the original artists. I second that motion, Mr. Cowell.

Recap time, and we are reminded that most of these gals are dipping from the same bottle of black nail polish. If there is any justice in this world then Alaina and Overbite Girl will be OUT tomorrow.

My favorite tonight was by far and no second place – MELINDA DOOLITTLE!!

Hasta mañana…

The Top Ten Guys Redeem Themselves

February 27, 2007

“This time it is PERSONAL!” so says Ryan. He then congratulates Jennifer Hudson on her Oscar win and gives total credit to AI for discovering her. Which is fair.

Intro of the guys and I gotta ask, can Chris R. be any dorkier?? As the guys parade out, it is evident that there is not an Ace this year. There are two Chrises but they are not Daughtry-shaped. In other words, there is no one to get all warm and fuzzy over this year. At least not for those of us in the studio audience who are suffering from AMAS (Advanced Middle Age Syndrome.)

The judges shout out to the guys that they need to come on, come on! And have fun! The pressure is definitely on. It is “dedication” night and each contestant is to talk about (via video) the person who inspires them the most.

Phil is up first and he dedicates his song to his navy unit band. Clips are shown of him singing with them and at this point it would be highly unpatriotic to not like Phil. He seems like a really sincere guy, very appealing. Funny how the lyrics in the song he sings go, “I ain’t missing you at all.” Bye bye navy unit… Randy and Paula give Phil his props and are glad that the evening is starting out well. Simon brings out the karaoke cliché. Ryan reminds us that Phil is very likable and Simon concurs. And Ryan? Please promise to never ever do that “yeah yeah yeah” thing again; you just embarrassed the heck outta everybody.

Ryan checks the buzz in the red room… everyone seems to be in good spirits and not nearly as wrecked with nerves as they were last week.

Jared is very charming when he talks about his mom and dad being the ones who got him into music and encouraged him to audition for AI. He sings the sexy Marvin Gaye song “Let’s Get it On” and this song suits him to a T. He does some weird “hand over the face” thing; My Kid has to explain to me that this is a move done by an usher. I am confused and she has to further clarify that Usher is the name of a young hip-hop singer. Oh, okay. Randy loves Jared’s performance, Paula is too turned on to speak and Simon said it was very “Love Boat.” Funny moment when Jared replies that it would have been a GOOD Love Boat. (Like Jared is old enough to remember that show, sheesh. Simon needs to get some pop culture references from Generation Now.) Ryan just likes the memories that the song brings back…

Little bitty AJ also dedicates his song to his mom and dad. They show a baby picture of him with his parents and his dad looks exactly like Ray Romano, only Latin. AJ seems to be a very sweet young man. I do not know what he is singing but it is very slow at the beginning and just as I am about to nod off, he kicks it out. Even my little dog, who is asleep in my lap, perks up. AJ is very very good! Randy and Paula like him a lot and even Simon says that he was “nearly very good.” We are all left to wonder about Simon’s “strangely comfortable” comment though. (Careful Mr. Cowell and please take a lesson from Dr. Preston Burke.)

Teeny tiny Sanjaya is next and he is so adorable talking about his grandfather who passed away when San was only five. Pictures of a child-San show that he was always adorable and was born with all that hair. So tonight, he is wearing a fedora and ponytail. Recipe for his look - “Take one part Michael Jackson, add a dash of Prince with a sprinkling of Sammy Davis, Jr.” He sings some old song, something about “stepping out” and it sounds familiar but his vocals are so weak it’s hard to tell. My Kid loves Sanjaya and will frog anyone who speaks out against him so I do not say anything. Randy says that San’s performance was like a high school talent show but Paula was okay with his “old soul.” Simon compared it to a kid playing dress up. Ryan is nice to San and tells him that his grandpa is proud of him. Awwww…

Chris Sligh is up next and after making cute “hair talk” with Ryan, he talks to us via his video montage. He is going to dedicate his song to his lovely wife, Sarah; she is a petite blonde and they look odd but cute together. Oh no he ain’t singing a song called “Trouble” for his WIFE?? After listening to it though, it seems to be a positive thing, whew. I have liked Chris since his very first audition, but he is not wowing me tonight. Taylor did this song better last year. Why are they in Repeat-o-mode this year? At least Chris is changing the lyrics back to “I’ve been saved by a woman;” last year Taylor sang it as “I’ve been upset by a woman.” And YES, since I know this factoid, it is MORE proof that I am SICK with obsession over this show. Randy and Paula are thrilled with Chris and so is Simon, surprisingly. He wonders the same thing I did though, about the dedication. Ryan wants to know how in the world did Sarah not boo hoo through that? I am surprised that she did not tell him that she is NOT Deanna, heh.

Nick is next and he talks about his girlfriend Caitlin, who is very pretty in the pictures that they show during the montage. He is bummed that he missed Valentine’s Day with her, you know cuz of the whole “being on AI” nonsense. He looks good and does a decent job on the old song “Fever” but he seems cookie-cutter. His voice is in-between a crooner and boy-band. Oh my, was that SIMON snapping his fingers??? Nick actually has a pretty good husky voice. Randy likes his smoky vibe, Paula wants him to go for it, and Simon says he lacks charisma. Ryan tries to start more gunk with Simon about him helping Nick with his styling. The girlfriend is in the audience and I swear she looks 12; but then again everybody looks 12 to me these days. (It's the AMAS!)

Now we have Blake, who dedicates his song to his parents. His mom looks native American but Blake does not seem to have any of those features. He is wearing a sideways cap and cool hoodie and My Kid is over the moon for this guy. I don’t know the song he is singing, but since it is from this actual decade, she is familiar with it. Blake puts a little beat boxing into the middle of the song and since it is only a few seconds, it is refreshing. Randy and Paula love love love him but Simon calls him a copycat for most of the performance. A judge riot almost ensues but before Blake can escape, Ryan tries to make cute and do some beat boxing too, hmmmph! Blake calls it “vocal turn-table-ism” which is so cool; I love made up words.

Ryan chats with Chris R. and Brandon on the red couch, just to pass time since the show is an hour and a half tonight.

Up next is Brandon, who is very endearing when he discusses his grandmother. He is so gorgeous that it’s hard to concentrate on what he is saying. Unfortunately, he is singing “Time After Time,” which I remember as a Cyndi Lauper song. My Hubby says it was a Time Warner Cable commercial but Our Kid informs us that the cable song was “Time is on Your Side” not the song that Brandon is doing. (She’s like a text book with arms, My Darling Kid.) Randy and Paula agree that this song did not show Brandon’s vocal prowess but he defends himself that he took an easier edge on purpose, better to show off the heart-feltness. Simon says he loves grandmas, but ya gotta SING, ‘k? Judge Riot Part 2 starts to ensue but the music is cued before the fists start to fly. Ryan chats nicely with Brandon until Simon throws in his “a$$ of spades” card and jerks everything up. Highly dislike him sometimes.

Chris R. also dedicates his song to his grandma, who he calls “spunky” and she does look spry in the photos. I love elderly people so much. Chris comes out on stage and it looks like he is wearing one of Logan Echolls’ sweaters. My Kid says that YES they are in style. I have no idea what this song is, which means that it must be from this generation. I can not understand a single word he is singing but My Kid is singing along. Go figure. It is something about him being a geek and it certainly fits him tonight. Randy says that he is HOT, Paula asks why he did such a funky song for his granny. Simon says that Chris was the “best tonight by a mile.” Do whut Bubba? I don’t get it. Am too old I guess. Chris makes cute banter with Ryan and he seems Pickler-like but in a manly way.

Last Chance Sundance talks to us via montage about his wife and baby son. Sundance looks good in a bright blue shirt and gets teary talking about his son, Levi. And oh my, he is finally back to the guy we all loved in his first audition. He ROCKS OUT on “Mustang Sally” and is totally in his element. I was so worried that he was going to go the M. Night Shylaman route – you know, start out really good and then start sucking progressively worse? Thank goodness, Sundance is back, y’all! All judges are knocked off their feet and for the first time tonight, all three agree. Imagine that. Sundance is overjoyed and chatty. Adorable moment when they flash a picture of Levi with Sundance’s “devil beard” drawn on. Too cute.

During the recaps, The Three of Us pick our favorites… My Kid likes Sanjaya (it’s the pity vote; ow she frogged me!) My Hubby likes Blake, and I like Sundance best tonight.

Hard to say who is going home this week, since no one was really howling-dog bad. Probably Nick and AJ, not because they were bad but because they don’t have the ‘tween fan base of some of the others.

Now it is time for the new Jeff Foxworthy game show, as they have been reminding us every five minutes by flashing his smiling face in the audience tonight. So let’s go find out if we are indeed “smarter than a 5th grader.” Somehow I doubt it…

AI6 Celebrity Lookalikes

Are the comparisons valid? You be the judge...

The First Four Hit the Door

February 22, 2007

Fantasia will be on the show tonight!! YAY!

Dressed in executive-team-member attire, Ryan tells us that the votes are IN, America. We’re gonna cut somebody live. He should be wearing a hockey mask with his suit, heh.

32 million votes and did anyone listen to the judges? Word of advice: only listen to Paula if you are playing a drinking game (i.e. every time Paula makes no sense whatsoever, take a shot.)

Ryan reminds us that the Top 12 contestants will get coaching help from famous people, usually old. But wait! Put back the dinosaur figurines; it looks like some of the coaches will be from this actual century. Scheduled to appear are Diana Ross, Jon Bon Jovi (WAHOO!), Jennifer Lopez, Gwen Stefani, Tony Bennett, Martina McBride, the folks from Herman’s Hermits, and Barry Gibb.

We remember that the guys totally sucked this week but the gals for the most part did really well. Rewind to - Stephanie down on her knees; Melinda and Leslie drawing inspiration from Aretha; power vocals paying off for Sabrina. Haley and Gina taking on Celine (by way of Eric Carmen and Meatloaf); Jordin and Nicole showing off their soulful sides. Judges not singing praises for Antonella or Amy; Alaina is “not special” but LaKisha brought the house down in her grand finale.

“Sowing the Seeds of Love” by Tears for Fears is the group song tonight and boy does that stage look crowded. These group sing outs are cheesy with a side order of ham, but I have to say that the kids do a really good job with this. Maybe I am just getting to the age where “cheese” is palatable? Something to think about…

Vocal stand outs in the group sing are Phil, Sundance, and Brandon with LaKisha bringing it home. One of my earlier faves, Chris Sligh, looks very uncomfortable on the stage. Leslie is the only one who looks as if she enjoys the awful choreography.

Ryan chats with the guys… Sligh does damage control by telling everyone that he meant NO disrespect to Simon earlier this week. It’s just the way it is, yo. And can’t we all just get along??

One neat change this season – the families of the contestants get to hang out on the red couches in the “red room” instead of in the audience. The better to get a close-up of you m'dear.

The first six guys come to the front to discover their fate. Brandon, Sundance, Chris R., Nick, and Blake are all safe. To no one’s surprise, Barefoot Paul is the first to get the boot (pardon the pun.) I go feed my dogs while Paul sings the Wham song again.

Now it’s the girls’ turn. Six girls come down to the front and uh oh it looks like Overbite Girl is in the same position as Paul was, at the end. But we know that TIIC likes to trick us, so I suspect something is up here.

Jordin, Stephanie, Sabrina, Leslie, and Melinda are safe. Poor Antonella looks so sad. Is she thinking that maybe all those semi-porn pix on the internet were maybe not such a good idea after all? But wait! Ryan declares her to be safe! Told ya it was a trick.

Then just-like-that Ryan calls Amy up and tells her that she is outta here. We all take a nap while she sings that boring Bonnie ballad again.

Some kind of dumb contest is announced next, something to do with text messaging answers to very easy multiple choice questions. Yawn.

But now! Finally! FANTASIA is right up in this house tonight, y’all! Quincy Jones tries to explain about her role in The Color Purple, but Ryan shuts him right the heck up. To paraphrase Helen Reddy, that ain’t no way to treat a legend.

Anyhow, Fantasia shows everyone how IT IS DONE on a song from the play called “I’m Here” and boy is she ever. Shista gyrrrl, yesh! LOVE HER!

Getting things all outta sequence, we have another girl to get rid of. Haley, LaKisha and Gina are safe. Left standing are Nicole and Alaina. More proof that American voters prefer big boobs over a big voice, Nicole is the one to leave. During the sing out of her weird version of a Chaka Khan song, I go make popcorn.

The remaining guys come up to await their destiny. Sligh is safe to crack jokes another week. Phil, Jared, and AJ are safe. Left up there are Sanjaya and Rudy. My Kid is praying that San is safe (he's so cute and little, can we keep him?) Well, we can for one more week, as Rudy is the one who is out. We are forced to sit through his odd “Free Ride” again. I don’t feel sorry for him, as he already has a semi-successful career in the group M-Pact.

One thing that really sucks about this show – whenever the judges give “advice” to the booted contestants, Simon will snark about them not really being that good after all. Well, hello? Weren’t you one of the three knuckleheads who CHOSE them for the Top 24?? Sheesh.

Oooh oooh! To make everything all better, this year’s Buh Bye song is “Home” by Daughtry! Not my fave song on his CD, but still and all, it is Chris baybee yeah! My Kid is grinning from ear to ear.

During the montage of the four that are leaving us tonight, we are reminded that the two gals never had a chance from the get-go. They never had any previous screen time at all and did not get a chance to build a fan base.

So in the end, I was wrong as usual. I really thought that the combo of racy pictures and howling-dog bad singing would be enough to get rid of Anton-smella. Remember Becky O’Donahue? And she was way prettier. So go figure…

Am glad that my faves are still in the running and of course my picks vary from week to week. Am just fickle that way. (-:

Top 12 Ladies Let the Lullabies Linger

February 21, 2007

Ryan reminds us that THIS is American Idol and 40 brazillion people are gonna be watching these 12 lovely ladies tonight. But no pressure.

Then it’s high fives all around and oh-so-girly “luv” exchanges as Ryan breathlessly makes his way down the stairs. We are reminded of last night’s semi-disastrous beginning with the guys…

Rudy took us on a corny “Free Ride,” and Brandon and AJ try to “restart the party.” JL and Paul do not get much love for their ballads, while Sundance was like “dad at a wedding.” Chris Sligh was like “a weird student gig” which led to one of the Most Awkward Moments of AI history. (Teletubbies indeed.) Nick and Sanjaya try the soft and sweet routine but they “bore us with it.” Blake was sensitive and from this actual century! Chris R. impressed the judges but not me. And Phil “could not ask for more.”

So the gals come out and it honest to goodness looks more like a parade of beauty pageant contestants than a singing contest. EVERYONE is stunning.

Ryan calls the judges on the fact that they “talk out of both sides of their mouth” (as my granny used to say) which they deny. It is very true though – the judges tell the contestants to “Take risks! Get out of your comfort zone!” And then the very next night, it’s “WTH were you thinking stepping out of the box like that??”

Quick highlights of how the top 12 gals came to be and we are reminded that most of these ladies got little or no previous back-story. TIIC was too busy wasting time on crack babies, bush babies and cry babies.

First up, Stephanie, who tells us about her AI experience so far. You know, since we did not get to see ANY of it. She is very elegant, reminds me of Latoya London. I don’t know the name of the song she is singing but she does very well with it. Judges are like thank God, we are now finally in a SINGING competition, whew!

Ryan chats with the gals and some are more articulate than others. Melinda has definitely come out of her shell, which is a good sign.

Up next, Amy tells us about her journey. She is another one whose life story did not rate a montage. Amy is pretty but does not do a phenomenal job on Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me” song. Judges are not wowed and none of us are expecting top 12 from this chick.

Leslie is next and yes she is another one that we are just now getting to know. She seems very energetic and entertaining but who knows how or why TIIC chooses what they show up front. Leslie is cute and has a good voice but she is not shining very bright on an old Aretha Franklin song. She has Julia Roberts’ boots from Pretty Woman, which is kinda weird. Judges say that the song was too big for her and Richard Gere is on the phone. Just kiddin’ about that last part.

Now we have Sabrina and I honest to heavens feel like I am being Repeat-O gal tonight, when I say yet AGAIN – we have just now met her. According to My Hubby, Sabrina is sexy and has the “IT” factor that the judges always talk about. She has an absolutely amazing voice and does a bluesy-sounding song with perfection. WOW she is GREAT, does not miss a note. Judges agree that she is “da one to beat” and Paula is tickled pink that Sabrina is a Valley Girl, like omigawd!

Antonella is next and we are reminded that she is only one half of the tag team match of the Jersey BFFs (heart sigh.) Oh man, she is cannon fodder. She tries to sing the Aerosmith song from the “Bruce Willis dies to save the world” movie. It is not only bad, it is sad. She is so beautiful (when her mouth is closed) and thank goodness she has that to fall back on. Judges tell her that she is lovely and bright and way not as skanky as her BFF. So it’s okay.

Gorgeous Jordin chats with Ryan on the red couch and even though I have mixed feelings about mere children being on the show, she seems very mature. We are reminded that she is “sugary sweet” which is just FINE with Jordin, so there! I love the Tracy Chapman song that she does, “Give Me One Reason,” it is one of my favorites. She does the low parts as well as the riffs and then makes great on the wailing. LOVE HER. My Kid likes her vamp nail polish, which I thought was so over, but what do I know? Judges like her and believe that she will go far; they just want her to “push herself.”

Ryan rags on the guys that the gals are way better than them, nah nah nah nah nah!

Now we have Nicole, number next in a long long line of “nice to finally meet you” chicks. In her clips, she reminds me of a farm girl for some reason, very girl-next-door. But tonight, she looks slicker and more polished. Unfortunately, the song that she is doing tonight is just ugh. Does not suit her voice at all and I can not understand a single word she is singing. Judges have mixed reviews and agree that she can sing, just didn’t think this was her vibe. Simon goes so far as to call it “indulgent” but Nicole does not seem to care very much what HE thinks.

Haley the Wedding Singer is up next and we are reminded that she is “a bit cabaret” and has great abs. Tonight, she sings “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now,” and I can’t help but chuckle as the memory of Katharine attempting to sing this with Meatloaf flashes through my head. Haley has the vibrato vibe going and sounds okay but in a Broadway fashion. Judges try to tell her that she looks and sounds older than she really is but she says hmmph she does not care what they think. She is comfortable with how she did and that’s all that counts. Oh yeah, and votes.

Ryan tells us that Fantasia!! will be on tomorrow’s results ep!!!

Finally, we get to my fave gal of this season so far, Melinda. She is adorable in her flashbacks and we remember back in the very days of old when she was just a shy thing. She is totally in her element now on the stage; she ROCKS. Right off the bat, she blows me away; she does not miss a single note. Melinda is a joy to watch and seems to be having a blast. Judges love her right to death, as they should.

Hey, I just noticed that there is a blue background behind the judges’ table this year. So we don’t have to watch heads bobbing behind them anymore. Guess they were tired of being hit by spitballs, tee hee.

For some reason, Mariah Carey is talking to Ryan. Wait, no. It is Alaina who chats with Ryan about what a diva she is, oh snap! Her clips remind us that she has been a singer for a while, trying to make it, blah blah blah. She tries to sing one of my very favorite songs of all time, “Brass in Pocket.” I guess the song should fit her, since everything else from hair to shoes to outfit screams “1980.” Alaina is not howling-dog bad; her performance is just meh. And NO WAY should any singing contestant EVER sing lyrics that say “I’m special, so special” over and over. Judges call her on that very fact and thank goodness she’s got her good looks. Very funny moment when Simon says to Ryan, “Are you trying to DATE this girl??”

Gina has the strategically placed Halloween hair dye going again tonight. Her montage reveals what we know by now, that she is “tired of auditioning for AI already!” She sings “All By Myself,” which is a Celine song by way of Eric Carmen. (Showing my age here by knowing this factoid.) Gina does GREAT on this, and I am very surprised. Was not expecting greatness from her. Judges tell her that she did terrific and they are surprised by her song choice. You can tell that some of her infatuation with Simon has worn off, or maybe she feels that she no longer has to play that card now that HIS vote doesn’t count.

Last but not least, we have LaKisha, who reminds us from her montage that she is a fantastic singer with a cute little girl. Tonight she is singing the song that Jennifer Hudson sang in Dreamgirls and I have to tell ya… when LaKisha says “and you and you and you! You’re gonna love me!” … you believe it. She does not miss a note; she is perfect on this song. Judges are overjoyed with her performance and Simon even says “I am very tempted to say to 23 people – book your plane tickets home.” LaKisha is humble and funny and it’s sweet when she tells us that her little girl’s birthday is today.

It’s a 3-way tie for me tonight for my favorite: I loved Sabrina, Melinda, and LaKisha. Oh, and I really liked Jordin and Stephanie, too. Actually nobody really super-sucked except for Overbite Girl.

During the recaps, My Kid says, “Is it me or do they all sound the same?” Gotta agree that a lot of them do. I predict that Antonella and Amy will be packing their Louis Vutton tomorrow night.

Time will tell…

Top 12 Men Make with the Mediocre

February 20, 2007

Right off the bat, Ryan lies when he says we have the “best talent yet” this season. Uh. No. And that vest with those jeans? No again, monsieur fashionista.

Out come the guys - the goofy, the gorgeous, the bland, the blond, and the bald. We meet the judges for the trillionth time, with Randy keeping it real, Paula cackling, and Simon not really caring about anything at all. (Jennifer who? Oscar what?)

We have two hours tonight which means a lotta filler fodder and fill-in stuff from the previous rounds. We see shots of the guys getting the golden ticket and snippets of performances and interview sound bites.

First up is Rudy, who tells us in his interview clip that Simon did not like him but he has “been wrong before.” Tonight he is wearing a shirt with a big target on the front – fashion statement or parapraxis, mewonders? He oversings “Free Ride” and gets mixed reviews from the judges. I still think that he looks like a long lost Coppola-Cage family member.

At break time, Chris Sligh talks about how “pretty” all the guys are and Ryan is like dude, keep yourself over there on that couch, ‘k? To further prove that he is 100% pure butch, he tells Brandon that Christina Anguskankyho is way prettier than he is, so there.

Highlights from Brandon remind us that he is soap-opera-actor-gorgeous with a beautiful smile and a ton of charisma. Tonight he looks good in spite of a halfway untucked shirt that shows his white belt buckle that matches his sparking white shoes. He sings “Rock With You” and he does okay. The judges remind him that he ain’t a backup singer now and he does not have to do all those “runs” anymore. (And no more MJ songs please, cuz he is just creepy.)

Next, we are reminded that Sundance had the VERY BEST first audition of this or maybe any other season. And that when he got to Ho’wood things were not so good. He has an open and cute baby face but that devil beard has gotta go. Someone please cut it off while he is sleeping or something. He is dressed very stylishly tonight but has his hair all slicked up like Heat Miser from the old Christmas movie The Year Without a Santa Claus. He sings “Nights in White Satin” and he does all right but not great. The judges remind him that the bluesy stuff is way better for him and will he PLEASE for the love of God get back to that?

Paul Kim is next and he reminds us (again) that he is going to be known as the barefooted guy. Which makes sense, as his day job is a pool boy. Oh man, he is gonna have to go back to testing those chlorine levels, because his version of “Careless Whisper” is awful. I mean, first of all… Wham!?? Ewww. And you don’t ad lib “come on y’all” into a song like this. The judges have mixed reviews and Simon tells him to get some darn shoes already.

Now it’s Chris R., who says that he likes being known as Timberlake Lite, thank you very much. He is very articulate in his interview and seems humble and just a sweet nice guy. He looks good tonight, in a bank exec suit and tie. Unfortunately, the song he is doing, “I Don’t Wanna Be” has been done to death. Bo did it better and Elliott did it even better, so I am not impressed. The fam’ tells me to get over the past contestants already and focus on the NOW. I just can’t, even when the judges (2 out of 3 anyway) tell Chris R. that he did a good job.

Ryan chats with Nick and every time I hear the names “Mike or Nick,” all I can think of is Walter of the Jeff Dunham gang. Anyway, we are reminded again that Nick (all together now) dropped out last year during Ho’wood week and now he has been given a second chance and gets all teary. He is adorable in a man-boy way with cute dimples. His voice is just meh though, on a slow song that sounds like every other song like this you've ever heard. For some reason the audience cheers when he hits a really bad note; they must be playing tricks with the “applause” sign. The judges recognize that he is nervous, the song was boring, and he needs to get back to the crooning stuff that he is really good at.

Ryan reminds us that the Girls Will Perform tomorrow and he makes goo-goo eyes at them.

BeatBox Guy Blake is up next and we are reminded that he was the highlight of the group session in Ho’wood. He is sporting a funky cap in his interview and he reminds me of TobyMac, who I love, so I start to like him more. As soon as he starts to sing, I like him even better, as he is AWESOME! Have never heard of this song, “Somewhere Only We Know” but googling reveals that it is by a group called Keane. Blake does an incredible job with it. The judges agree that WOW he can actually sing! And a song from this decade no less! He smiles and says that he wanted to trick them. My Kid loves this guy but not in a Chris Daughtry-like way.

Little bitty Sanjaya chats with Ryan next and he looks like the Indian version of a teen Leif Garrett. We are reminded that yes he has a sister, and no she did not make the Top 24. (Tear drop.) We are shown flashbacks of her and she looks like the Indian version of Christina Ricci. He is ouchy yikesy bad on the Stevie Wonder song that Elliott did last year during Stevie week. My Kid tells me again to get over season’s past already, but it just can not be avoided, since I still have the sound clips from last year (all obtained entirely legally of course.) The judges tell San that he is a sweetheart, he’s adorable, but that song was just not good. He pouts prettily and I just want him to go to his homecoming dance.

Ryan tells us that if five hours a week of AI is not enough, then professional help is needed. Thank you for the tip, Ryan; is there an 866 number for this help?

Chris Sligh reminisces about his audition and experience so far and for some reason gets a semi-bleep when he says the phrase “going postal.” He is sporting the Regis black shirt/black tie combo and looks sharp. I don’t know the song he is singing, I think it’s called “Typical” since that is a word that is repeated throughout. (Yep, googling later confirms that this is the song and it's by an awesome group called Mute Math.) I LOVE Sligh's voice, his performance, everything about him. The first two judges tell him that they love him too, but he looks ready to bust whenever Simon starts to dis’ him and guess what? He dis’es Simon right back. Then Ryan gets into the middle of it and things gets Very Uncomfortable.

Jared is in the queue next and he says that he is from New York so he can handle the shenanigans going on here tonight, so bring it on. We find out that he lost his job as a waiter when he auditioned for AI. He is very handsome, mature and charming. His voice is good on the song he does tonight, “Back at One” even though he misses a few spots. Again, somebody out there is playing games with the “applause” sign, as the audience claps and cheers in all the wrong places. The judges tell him that he can do better than that and if he gets voted off tomorrow, he can always get a job on The Young and the Restless. Or maybe I added that last part.

Next we see from AJ’s clip that this is (all together now) his 5th go around with AI, and he is cute and adorable and infectious. I am just not into the boy-band type of singing that he does. He proves himself good at that too, tonight on stage as he grooves to some interchangeable boy-band type song that we've all heard at some point over the Wal-mart radio. Uh oh, Paula is up and dancing. Take her Coke cup away somebody, quick. AJ has his collar turned up, like we did in the 80’s, yo. The judges tell him that he was good, not great, and Simon throws out his patented Theme Park Performance cliché.

The last performer tonight is Phil, the navy guy, who reminds us (all together now) that he missed the birth of his child to make his audition. Like last year's Bald One, he is a family man, with a gorgeous wife beaming from the audience. He has a GREAT voice, very mellow and he hits the power notes perfectly on “I Could Not Ask For More.” Methinks that this is also a song that has been done to death on this show, but I can not remember who right now. Phil has a very cute face and beautiful smile and seems to have a great sense of humor. There is a sense of genuine kindness about him. The judges remind him that in spite of his baldness, he is NOT Chris, but that his performance was good, maybe even the best of the night.

Just to waste the rest of the time left, judge banter ensues and Ryan jests that Phil has the “Britney Spears” haircut, ha. Then Ryan asks Simon why he is so darn negative and Simon reminds Ryan and all of us that he is just Doing His Job and this is why 40 crazillion people tune in for each ep, ‘k? So just simmer down “sweetheart.”

During the recaps of the 12, I pick my favorites for tonight. Based on vocal performance my Number 1 pick is Blake, then Chris Sligh second. Actually tied with Sligh for second is Phil, who got a rocky start but finished his song wonderfully.

Going home on Thursday, I predict Paul and maybe Nick. Definitely Paul though, sorry pool boy.

Ryan reminds us (again) that the gals are coming on tomorrow. They re-show the clips of them dancing to a Kat McPhee song as we are reminded that most of these chicks were chosen cuz they are cute and look good while shakin’ their groove thang.

I still have a couple hours before having to get up and go to work, so am going to youtube or rickey to listen to the guys again…

Oh and Ryan? Can you get me that phone number to the Professional Helpline?

More on the 24

Tidbits & Trivia on this year's Top 24 -

Top 12 Guys:

Sanjaya Malakar spent four years in Hawaii performing with the Hawaii Children's Theater.

Brandon Rogers is a pro backup singer for several stars including Christina Aguilera, Justin Timberlake, and Alicia Keys.

Phil Stacy is a singer in the navy.

Chris Sligh is the lead singer of a band called Half Past Forever.

Blake Lewis, a.k.a B-Shorty, has opened for Jurrassic 5, Huey Lewis, and Twista.

Rudy Cardenas is a member of the a'cappella group M-Pact.

Paul Kim proclaims that he will perform only while barefoot.

AJ Tabaldo has auditioned five previous times for American Idol.

Nick Pedro made it to the Hollywood round last season and dropped out.

Chris Richardson has been touted as "The Next Justin Timberlake."

JL Cotter appeared on hip-hop artist Kasual's album Everthingz Done Kasually.

Sundance Head can play five instruments and is the son of 60's singer Roy Head.

Top 12 Gals:

Melinda Doolittle is a pro background vocalist; she participated in Music for the Soul, a Christian ministry.

Gina Glocksen is the lead vocalist of the all-girl band Catfight.

Haley Scarnato called herself a wedding singer at her first AI audition.

Jordin Sparks is the daughter of football player Felipe Sparks; she was a contestant on Star Search.

Stephanie Edwards appeared on It's Showtime at the Apollo.

Leslie Hunt plays the piano and is studying to become a dog trainer.

Alaina Alexander has been in L.A. for several years pursuing a career in music.

Sabrina Sloan has performed across the country with the touring production of Hairspray.

LaKisha Jones has trained formally in classical music and was runner up on Houston's Gimme the Mike.

Nicole Tranquillo is a vocal major at the University of the Arts in PA.

Amy Krebs attended the American Musical and Dramatic Academy in NY City.

Antonella Barba once toured with the Monmouth Conservatory of Music in England.

According to the official AI contestant profile pages, over half of the contestants say that if they win, they will thank GOD first. That's cool.

Much fun and hi-jinks tomorrow night, yay!

It’s a “Heart-Shaped” Top 24

February 14, 2007

Happy Valentine’s Day! The Three of us gather our candy kisses and new plush stuffed animals and gather ‘round the TV. My first viewing is with only one eye open, so I will have to catch up on DVR later …

Am behind on my bloggin.’ Been coming home dead tired from work this week which is becoming a habit that I really need to break. Haven’t even caught up with the soaps yet and I really wanna know if Babe is really dead on All My Children. But I digress.

The time has come for the final 40 to take the long walk. And time for the judges to do the fake-out with the contestants which is sooo annoying. Why can’t I stop watching?? Just one more reason why “fan” is short for “fanatic” I guess.

Even though the judges follow through with the customary double-speak, Simon is uncharacteristically KIND tonight… it is very strange. I mean, “Nice Simon” – isn’t that an oxymoron, like Jumbo Shrimp??

So… 40 minus 24 means that 16 kids are getting the axe tonight. Will the spoilers be right? Will we have even heard of half these folks?

First up, Sanjaya Malakar - He talks about the sadness of his older sis getting cut and how he sure hopes that she never finds out what went down at the auditions in Seattle. Just kiddin’ about that last part.

The next few contestants are cut, including Carnival-like tall lady who wants to argue about it. One of the Birmingham guys. A cute blonde guy. The lip ring girl, who sounded really good and unique. Makes me wonder, what does it take to make TIIC tick??

Finally, Melinda Doolittle, my fave of the gals. Clips of her final audition performance are awesome. Hugs and air-kisses from Simon as she makes it through, YAY.

Also, the guy background singer, Brandon Rogers makes it. He is absolutely gorgeous and proves that he can work that camera during the final audition clip.

Ryan speaks to the “audience” while within earshot of the crowd of kids in the holding room. He goes on and on about the terror of the horrifying and hellish waiting... Oh silly Ryan, tricks are for kids.

Thank goodness that Gina Glocksen has washed that pink dye right outta her hair. Sorry, I know that I am old, but that is a look that only a ‘tween can pull off. But wait… she acts like a ‘tweenager when she goes like “Shut up!” when the judges tell her that she made it through.

Next couple guys are eliminated including the mini-Ruben guy and some guy that we have never seen before.

Based more on mid-riff baring that musical talent, the Wedding Singer, Haley Scarnato makes it through. She has a voice that Simon called “cabaret” in her San Antonio audition.

Phil Stacey, the “I Missed My Daughter’s Birth To Go To My Audition” Guy makes it through. His style of singing just doesn’t do anything for me. Just don’t feel it. And the crooked cap? Uh uh.

For no apparent reason other than the obvious… it’s promo time. Footage of the guys going to see The Simpsons movie is shown. It won’t even be released until July, so the pimping is starting early on this one.

Chris Sligh walks in and says “You guys are probably wondering why I called this meeting today.” I LOVE THIS GUY!!! He has my kinda sense of humor. Even though Simon tells him that he is not the best singer, they put him through, YAY!

BeatBoxing Blake Lewis makes it through. Not really excited about his stuff so far and several of the guys that have been cut are better singers. So it’s kinda obvious that this season is gonna be gimmicky.

A gorgeous blond guy is cut next. Cute Patootie, we never knew ye.

Open note to Rudy Cardenes – if AI does not work out, you can find an acting job on any of the wise guy shows. Ya just got the look, ‘k? Ooops, cancel that Sopranos audition, he makes it through.

So next, Paul Kim informs Ryan and 40 million other screaming fans that guess what? From now on, he will be performing barefoot. Yep, and not only that, he will be wearing his lucky underdrawers. Um, yay? For reasons known only to TIIC, he makes it through.

The gorgeous Jordin Sparks makes it through. She is a good singer but chatter on the ‘net speculates that her claim to fame is her famous football player dad. Whatever, who cares; I like her.

Next to get canned are two chicks that we have never seen before and the kinda stuck-up teenage girl from Birmingham.

For the first time, we get to meet A. J. Tabaldo then Stephanie Edwards then Leslie Hunt. Only seeing them now cuz they made it through to the next round. Of these three, the last one sounds the best and most unique.

Another next-time-arounder, Nicholas Pedro makes it through. I have to be honest and say that I am kinda bored with most of the choices TIIC have made so far. Because ya gotta know that even though the judges are the “talking heads,” we know who is REALLY in control.

Up next is the drama queen “my destiny is in your hands” gal, Alaina Alexander. Her final audition clip is just meh, but she is gorgeous and makes it through. Such a serious diva; something about her reminds me of Mariah Carey.

Sorry, but am just not understanding the appeal of the next guy who makes it through, Chris Richardson. We already have a Chris in the competition and one is enough, thanks.

Another gal that we have never heard of, Sabrina Sloan, makes it through. There are more of the unpimped than ever before. Wonder which of these will blame their lack of popularity on the lack of before-hand screentime?

A guy and gal we never knew are cut as well as the Brokenote guy, who comes out and comments that they ain’t having no country this year. Then another gal that I don’t remember gets the boot. Who in the everlovin’ heck EDITS this series??

Highlights are shown again of LaKisha Jones and her little girl and all that crying and carrying on. I don’t buy in to all this backstory stuff. I have my soaps for that, thank you very much. She is an excellent singer, on the scale of Jennifer to Mandisa. But she doesn’t have that spark of likeability that Mandisa has.

More heavy sighs of frustration and eye-rolling. So very aggravating that after a trizillion hours of footage, TIIC couldn’t come up with ANY footage on these peeps before now?? Now being presented for yep, the FIRST time, are Nicole Tranquillo, Jared Cotter, and Amy Krebs.

We are down to four, 2 male and 2 female. As mandated by the law of AI, they are forced to sit in the room together.

First, it’s BFF Overbite, (Antonella Barba) and a very pretty but way too skinny gal (Marisa Rhodes) who reminds me of Fiona Apple. However, it’s OB girl who should be “feeling like a Criminal” as she totally robs the Fiona clone of the last spot. Irritating darn show, this is.

Nextly, Afro Guy Tommy Daniels and Weird Beard Sundance Head go up next and of the two of them, Tommy seems to have a more charismatic personality. Of course, that is NOT what counts when TIIC and “the judges” decide who is moving on… My Hubby is elated that his fave is chosen.

Am not understanding the comment that Sundance makes later, that he will hire Tommy as his bodyguard. I hope to heaven that he was kidding, I really do. If not, then methinks ladies and gents, that we have found this year’s diva…

We sign off with the prerequisite “how stupid do ya want me to look?”dance that each contestant has to make while mugging cheekily at the camera.

Gotta say, disappointments abound at Aunt Pearl’s house. Am gonna go hug my new Valentine bear and maybe read a good book.

Hollywood Meets “Real World”

February 13, 2007

Ryan kicks things off with the Daughtry tidbit of being the fastest Idol debut to go platinum. Clay Aiken fans all over the world are like, “Do whut Bubba??” My Kid is gloating and in full “told you so” mode.

Of the 172 contestants, there are twice as many gals than guys. Which means that Ho'wood week will be more of a soap opera than ever. Not to dis’ my own gender, but ya just can’t get a buncha chicks together without a lot of twirping.

First day, it’s all girls. They perform individually and are brought up in groups of six. The Canadian girl (Jory) does the icky Paula suck-up but before you can say “Dekey Canuck, eh?” she is outta there. Simon rips them all a new one and now the remaining girls are super freaked.

The extremely perky Shakira impersonator (Perla) rehashes that stupid “hips” song that she did in the audition. She just annoys me. Please STHU already!

One of my early faves, the army reserves gal (Rachel) is next and she is lovely in civilian duds. She sings that Toni Braxton song, the one where Tyson Beckford has bad luck with a motorcycle. She sings very well but… she is cut and Shakira Lite is put through. This show really really baffles me sometimes.

Horse Ranch Barbie (Baylie) sings well, and as expected this “Commercial with a Capital C” gal is put through. Her mom is in the audience and she is very pretty; she’s like the Cauc version of Lisa Tucker’s mom from last year.

Speaking of commercials, the Ford Edge commercial with the cars riding on top of the skyscraper buildings just cracks me up. Every time it comes on, My Kid says, “Hey, that’s the building that Amy Lee jumped off of.” Gotta love Evanescence inside jokes.

Back to the AI biz - there are a whole lotta tears and bad attitudes when we see some of the gals who were highlighted on the audition eps being cut. Which just goes to show that you can not predict what TIIC is going to do. Obviously some of those montages were red herrings. Among the cuts are the Second Chance gal that I like, Ashlyn. And a couple that were just meh… the “Rocky” gal who values a great body over all else and the Crying Girl who looks like Mandy Moore.

The next gal has her mom and aunt as tagalongs and she sings the song that they like instead of the one she liked. Long story longer, she gets cut and on national TV in front of a crazillion people, she disses them six ways from Sunday. Her mama even gets up on stage and gives the judges what-for. I am expecting Oprah to show up any minute now.

So almost HALF of the gals are sent packing the first day. Things are off to a rocky start.

Second day, and let’s hear it for the boys. The guys sing, then are brought up in groups of three and sometimes four. There is not a lot of drama, except for the little guy (Matt) whose mama really DOES love him after all. He calls her from that pink cell phone that is obviously a sponsor this year.

More importantly, my fave guy, Chris Sligh, makes it through. Yeah! And for some reason Paula looks like Gracie in Miss Congeniality 2.

The awfully dreaded and dreadfully awful group rounds are next. This would be a good time to go walk my dogs. Contestants vie to find partners and inevitably there is someone who does not make the team. It’s like watching kids play kickball on the playground.

The Brokenote guy picks a group and we are reminded that little Garet did not show up this year. My Kid was really hoping that he would come back for another chance. I tell her that he probably got married and had five kids by now and she frogs me. He’s too young to get married, I am told.

Now here is where American Idol meets Real World. The GGW BFFs are teamed with poor sweet little Baylie who looks totally lost. Her expression says “Help. Me.” The BFFs argue (duh!) and it gets real old real fast.

Meanwhile in another room … the Simon suck up girl (Gina) along with Shakira Lite and some other gals that I don’t know are having a hard time too. Survey says that the Columbian booty shaker can NOT carry a tune to save her life.

Back to poor Baylie and the BFFs – they can not get their lyrics right, because who has even heard of these songs?? This is Old People Music! The blonde BFF (Amanda) sneaks off for some flirtin’ time with the boys. She reminds me of the gal from the Fantasia season that trolloped around on practice night, blew her song, but made it to the Top 24 anyway. Wonder whatever happened to her...

Next day, Simon reiterates: “DO NOT FORGET THE WORDS.” Which means, of course, that the next few clips are of pitiful lost souls who do just that.

CryBaby Boy is cut and goes sobbing to mommy. Sorry, but crying guys just freak me out. Both My Kid and My Hubby tell me that I am harsh. Heh. Not as harsh as this little boy’s mom, shesh.

We see Gina braggin’ that she is all that. Yeah, me too. Whatever. She actually does well with the limited resources available to her. All the girls in that group make it through except for Perla. Thank the everlovin’ heavens.

The best group session in the history of AI is next – Chris and his group are GREAT. The BeatBox guy (Blake) does his thang and that stuff still gets old to me after just a few secs. I just can not hear him beat-boxing an Elvis song, or whatever they are going to “theme” us with this year.

My Hubby’s fave, Sundance, is up next; he sings with two cute black gals and they seem very uncomfortable with each other. He does not do well and Simon makes him aware of that fact, no holds barred. He makes it through and then… do what? Please tell me that he did not just say he was one of the Best Singers he knows. Hmmm, arrogant much? Sorry, but I was brought up to believe that you just don’t toot your own horn but oh well…

Baylie & The BFFs are up next. (There’s a group name for ya.) For clarity’s sake, BFF#2 is now dubbed Overbite Girl, in spite of My Kid’s protests that it’s not nice to make fun of people, blah blah blah. Anyhow, she is the only one who remembers the words. Baylie and BFF#1 (now dubbed The Skank) do not do as well. As a matter of fact, Baylie bombs so bad that it is just sad and you can see the “money stars” in Simon’s eyes get extinguished. They have to cut her. They have no choice – remember the “don’t forget your lyrics or else” speeches? Poor Baylie and her gorgeous mom are crying. And in a true “oh no she DI’INT!!!” moment, The Skank informs us that this just proves that God likes nice people. Huh, maybe the god of fake suntans.

Still trying to get over the flabbergastment of The Skank’s comment, it hardly occurs to me that two of my earlier faves are cut: Ebony, the beautiful roller-skating waitress and Sean, the Fidel Castro guy.

Only 56 folks left, y’all. Now is the time for them to sing solo with the piano and background singers. Then they are split up into the “temple of doom” holding rooms.

First & second rooms – MADE IT!! Among this Top 40: Beatbox Guy (Blake), BFF Overbite (do not know her name and do not care), Simon Groupie (Gina from last year), The Brokenote Guy (Matt, also from last year), Asian Nerd (Paul), Timberlake Lite (don’t remember his name), Big Afro Guy (Tommy), Lip Ring Blues Woman (Tami), The Curly Haired Girl (Jordin), The Weird Beard Guy (Hubby’s fave, Sundance), The Cute Indian Boy (that My Kid likes), Shy Background Singer (Melinda, YAY!), most importantly MY FAVE – Chris Sligh!!! YAY, another Chris to root for!

There is much cryin’ time for the third room, especially for these notables: The Cute Indian Boy’s Sister, The Pickler Clone, and The Skanky BFF. Am soooo glad to see that last one go! Every year, TIIC sticks us with a “diva villain” and I was certain that she would be this year’s.

Hugs, tears, ramifications…. ‘til tomorrow when we get the official announcement of the Top 24. Spoilers have been out for weeks and of course I have looked at the list. What am I, a saint?? Of course, several of the names on the list have not been showcased yet. Not sure if I trust the spoilers, but hey – if it’s on the ‘net, it’s gotta be true right? (-:

Aunt Pearl’s Top 24

From what we have seen so far from the 7 audition cites, here are my picks for the Top 24.

GUYS
Chris Sligh, Jack Osbourne-Jack Black Guy
Sundance Head, Teddy Bear Weird Beard Dude
Brandon Rogers, Good-looking R&B Back-Up Singer
Sanjaya Malakar, Cute Indian Teenage Boy
Jimmy McNeal, The “Little Fun Ruben”
Rudy Cardenas, Venezuela’s Sonny Corinthos
Jenry Bejarano, Teenage Tyson Beckford
Paul Kim, R&B Asian Nerd
Jarrod Fowler, Bald Navy Guy
Chris Richardson, Poor Man’s Timberlake
Sean Michel, Fidel Castro Lookin’ Dude
Nicholas Pedro, 2nd Time Around Crooner Guy

GALS
Melinda Doolittle, Shy Background Vocalist
LaKisha Jones, Old-Fashioned Belter
Jordin Sparks, Curly-Haired Teenager
Antonella Barba, The “Untrained Voice” BFF2
Ashlyn Carr, Strange Faces Girl
Ebony Jointer, Gorgeous Roller-Skating Waitress
Haley Scarnato, Pretty Wedding Singer
Baylie Brown, Commercial With a Capital “C”
Alaina Alexander, “My Destiny Is In Your Hands”
Sarah Krueger, Over The Rainbow Felicity
Denise Jackson, “Gifted” Crack Baby Gal
Rachel Jenkins, Zany Army Reservist

Keeping in mind however that some of the best contestants in seasons past did NOT have their initial audition footage shown during the "city search" episodes... Elliott for example...

Speaking of Elliott, check him out here... The Yamin is Jammin' and Lookin' Good (-:

Highlights from the Seven Cities

February 7, 2007

Well, they are calling this episode the “Rest of the Best” but knowing TIIC, it will be a lot of the worst as well. And yep, previews of what is coming up will be a mixture of good, bad, and oh-my-God-it’s-coming-toward-me.

Ryan says that we will be given lessons in auditioning, Yay! I love lists…

Lesson 1: The Look
Remember the crazy costumers from last year? I know, me neither. Only a couple this year, thank goodness. “Snappy” outfits are shown, including a “nun” who strips down to a sexy outfit. The highlight of this segment is a weird chick who looks like a hooker who got dressed in the dark. She says she bases her clothes on how she feels that day. Simon quips, so today you felt “like the inside of a dust bin.” Paula hits him.

Next a gal who, to quote Ryan proves “you don’t need a crazy outfit if you’ve got Mad Skills.” She does indeed have a fantastic voice but only Bo should ever do “Whipping Post” ever again. This gal is likable enough but if she wants mainstream America to vote for her, she is gonna have to lose that awful lip ring. Just sayin.’

Lesson 2: Seek Inspiration
Quick takes of contestants professing their love for Idols past – Fantasia, Taylor. Some mention other celebs including “The Hoff” a.k.a. Mitch on Baywatch. Now a crazy Asian guy says William Hung is his inspiration, but wait… this guy has a wonderful voice. We have been tricked again, way to go TIIC. Paula tries to show the boy some luv but Simon keeps interrupting.

A few short seconds of Bo doing his “a cappella” thing from a couple years ago. Some poor deluded (Simon’s word) little boy tries to do that same song and it is just a mess.

Lesson 3: Never Give Up
Highlights of contestants who have auditioned before, including one of the “Brokenote Cowboys” from last year. (Not little Garet but the tall one.) Some folks say they are on their 4th or 5th time.

The dental assistant gal from last year comes in, with an awful shirt that looks like tattoos all over her arms. Her sucking up to Simon is just as icky as before, but she has a decent voice and makes it through to Ho’wood again.

Now we have some Simon luvahs, Randy hatahs, and Paula worshippers and it is very funny. Except for the very long and uncomfortable audition of the pitiful little Puerto Rican guy who can not sing worth five cents and only came on to meet Paula anyway so hmmmp.

Very quick highlights of folks in their “day” jobs including one dude who says he is a hillbilly. Reminders of Ace, Chris, and Kellie. Oh the memories! A clip of Kellie on roller skates segues into –

Lesson 4: Audition on Your Own
Three cute roller skating waitresses audition together, two blonde chicks and a beautiful black girl. The first blonde does country and is okay but the judges are just meh. Blondie Two does a Sarah McLachlan song and she is not much better, mainly because NO ONE should ever try to do Sarah. Just FYI. Anyways, the black gal is next and it does not matter if she can sing or not… she should be a supermodel anyway. She has a very lovely voice and Simon says that she could sing the phone book and it would not matter. The country one does not make it but the other two do and it’s kinda sad when they skate out together. Funny Paula moment when she tries to give “motherly” advice.

Next, Ryan reminds us that every single one of the Idol winners' “anthems” have basically sucked beyond the telling of it. Hey, Randy admitted that openly and without shame. So! This year they are having a songwriting contest to see if Joe Public can do better.

Awful performances of some losers who try to perform original songs but it is all in vain. Except the sound effects guy, he was pretty cool and looked a little like Federov. Way too much time wasted on bald guy with shiny yellow shirt. He and his original song are just bad even though he is in denial. (Has anyone noticed how the population of bald dudes has increased since the days of Daughtry?)

Lesson 5: Shake Your Moneymaker?
The question is asked… to dance or not to dance? Some crazy stunts are shown, most of them pretty bad. Except for Ryan, who proves that he’s got moves we’ve never seen. Love the clip of Paula and the dancing cartoon cat from a thousand years ago.

Another Paula fan comes in showin’ his flexible dancing moves. I did not know that Ricky Martin and Richard Simmons had a love child together. Snnnap. The judges pass on this nutty guy but they are very careful to be extremely nice, lest they bring about the wrath of the GLAAD bags.

Lesson 6: Clarity
Ryan explains that we have gotta be able to understand the words, yo. Now a game, Name That Song. And of course, the object of this game is that we can not name that song if our life depended on it. Included in this game is Music Teacher lady from last night’s San Antonio audition.

Showing us how it is supposed to be done, is the next gal. She is wearing a bright orange top and matching cool high heels. She has the best voice of this competition so far but is heavyset, so I am waiting for Simon to make a crack. Mandisa must have taught him well last year, as he says only that he loves her; she is a good old-fashioned belter. Sad moment when orange-heels lady cries with her little daughter.

As the judges celebrate that the auditions are thankfully finally mercifully over, Ryan reminds us of some good, bad, and just plain stupid moments. Best scenes are Ryan in the wig (dude, DON’T ever do that again!), Simon calling Paula a disgusting pig when she spits her gum out, the grandma who can not bring herself to be mad at Simon cuz she really does like him, and Poor Ryan trying to juggle. Comedy does not get better than this folks, unless your name is Earl. Or maybe Raymond.

Previews from next week… The Hollywood Rounds (or as I call it, Ho’wood for obvious reasons.) Things look pretty intense … 172 people are going, to be whittled down to 12 girls and 12 guys… I already see some of my favorites in tears so look out…

From this “best of” episode, I liked that last gal the best, the one with the orange outfit – LaKisha is her name.

Oooh, Kat McPhee is on Jimmy Kimmel Live right now. She says it is her first “couch” interview and is delighted that her CD is number 2. She is charming and delightful as ever, I don't care what My Kid says.

Memories... Oh well - here's to lookin' forward...

AI from San Antonio, “Other Door Redux”

February 6, 2007

Right off the bat, Ryan tells us from the Alamo that this is the LAST audition city of this season. And wow what a freakin' relief that is! Or maybe I added that last part …

11,000 screamin’ potential contestants await the judges. Simon’s man-boobies lead the way as he comes struttin’ in, all arrogance and disdain. (Just how we like him, right?)

First up is a decent-looking young fellow who claims he sounds like Billy Idol or Ozzy Osbourne, which means he is gonna suck. My Kid likes Billy (but only because he looks like Spike on Buffy), so she has high hopes for this guy. Any hope is immediately dashed however, as he proves he is no Vital Idol. Good news is, Sharon O. has announced that the Oz-Fest is going to be “free” this year, so maybe he can jump on that wagon train. Then again… no.

Next is a pretty Wedding Singer who comes this-close to having some butt-cleavage showing. Funny how the camera-man tries so hard to get a shot. Men! She sounds lovely and way better than Adam Sandler. The judges are not overly impressed but put her through anyway.

Now we have a cute black gal; her family members say she has sung gospel music her entire life. There are two things disturbing about this girl – a) she exhibits absolutely no spark whatsoever, which is unusual for a gospel singer and b) when the judges tell her correctly that she is not good, she makes with the *bleep bleep* and playa hatin’ insults. Way to spread The Good Word, potty mouth.

Montage Time on a horse ranch and it’s Kelly Ripa from her soap opera days … no wait, a pre-Sheen Denise Richards maybe? At any rate, she is young and blonde and cute as a button. She sings a Faith Hill song and this folks, is the most excited that we have seen Simon all season. He pronounces that she is “Commercial with a Capital C” and yes that is a good thing.

Ryan narrates as we see quick glimpses of contestants, some making it and some not. Included in this is a Jon Peter Lewis look-a-like and some guy who zoomed right past Poor Ryan without stopping. What a hoot.

Also shown is some chick who brought her baby. This just bugs me... Get a sitter or call grandma for pete's sake. If you can not afford a babysitter then Don't Go. That simple. But I digress as usual.

Just for filler fodder and their own amusement, highlights of many “Other Door” moments. Welcome students, to How To Make People Feel Like Crap 101.

Huggin’ Cuzzins are next and they are kinda icky. I am having a Happy Bunny Moment watching them. So Cuz #1 is way bad with the worst rendition of “Amazing Grace” in the history of the world. So funny though, when he does the fake-trash talk. Cuz #2 is a total surprise however; he is very good and makes it through.

A couple of bad folks are shown and then a pretty lady who says that she sang for the mayor of Houston. She starts in on the “Black Velvet” song and My Kid wonders if maybe this gal is signaling her home planet? She cries and it’s sad and gets worse when all of America finds out that she is a Music Teacher.

Absolutely gorgeous young gal is up next; she reminds me of a young Kim Fields a.k.a. Tootie. She is charming and has a delightful voice but the judges criticize her weird facial expressions. They send her packing and I am yelling at the TV. The judges have made a huge mistake with this gal but wait…! Before her fam’ has a chance to call in The Rev, they bring her back into the audition room. After a pep talk and a rare moment of Simon-kindness, she makes it through. Whew!

Next, we are subjected to some devil-worship-sounding mess, complete with instructions to kiss his *bleep.* Thank goodness the next guy is cute and sweet and funny. Oh, and he sang well, too. It’s always better when the show ends with a positive spin. Faster than you can say “Cuddy loves House,” the Texas auditions are over.

So, my San Antonio favorites were the cute blonde thank-God-there-is-no-sob-story gal: Baylie. And the adorable 2nd chance girl, Ashlyn. Tomorrow we will be subjected to “The Best of the Worst” which means that I will be on the other channel watching Lost. Oh all right… I will be here bloggin’. Gotta keep my readers happy (all both of them, tee hee.)

Y’all come back now…

As We Sit Idol’ly By

Catchy title huh? Sometimes I am so clever that I just can’t stand myself. That’s okay, no one else can either, tee hee. I am so thankful that I have a blog to “talk” to and a place to vent my feelings. It is so weird how back in the “olden” days, we kept our journals in paper notebooks and we hid them under our mattress. Now we “let it all hang out” for the world to see.

Not that many in the world have seen my literary stylings. I feel apprehensive about sharing my blog, since it is very juvie and I write like I talk, which is all over the place. Guess it’s okay, though - that is why it is called a “web log” not “academic thesis.”

I started this mess last season, when my obsession with the show grew into a disease that I could not get under control. A 12-step program was needed. My friends would avoid me because there is only SO MUCH of one topic that even the very best of friends can tolerate. I felt like I was in 6th grade again when all I could think about was Shaun Cassidy on The Hardy Boys show.

But I am so-called all grown up now darn it, and it is time to put my obsessions away. Which I plan to do in May after this season’s finale! We have lots and lots of time to go before then and it is four (count ‘em) FOUR whole days to go until the next episode.

For the past couple of weeks, I have allowed silly and frivolous things like a full-time job and being a loving wife and mother get in the way of my American Idol time. Shame on me! (Okay, just in case My Kid lowers herself to read this… I am kiddin’, okay Miss Literal Minded?)

So to kill time until the final audition round, it is time to check the chatter on the ‘net. Let’s do some Idol research…

Weirdly and Oddly Enough (my two best friends), there seems to be more hits on Paula than on Punxsutawney Phil.

Even before the season started, the question was asked:

Paula Abdul - What is she smokin'???

According to her wikipedia page, it’s the reflex sympathetic dystrophy.

What Was in Paula's Cup?

“Did Paula Abdul have a few - or several - to help her get through the endless agony of listening to screeching "American Idol" contestants?”

77% of online voters agree that in spite of being Forever Our Girl, yep she is “straight up” to’ up.
Silly Paula is way better than a Dark Hole. Hopefully there will never be this much Love on AI…

Some other interesting headlines blare out, most of them neglies…

Jennifer Hudson: I Was ‘Abused,’ ‘Brainwashed’ by ‘American Idol’

“Newly minted movie star Jennifer Hudson is biting the hand that fed her - charging she was "abused" and "brainwashed" by "American Idol."”

Hmmm. Seems like she would be saying thanks instead, for she would still be a cruise ship singer if not for all the AI “abuse.” And Simon pretty much agrees…

Some more info on some of my fave contestants so far this season…

'Idol' Week 3: The Power List

Is Chris Sligh the rumored curly-haired 'Idol' favorite ?

Get the low down on lots of new contestants at this reality site

Of course, I have to close with a little braggin’ on last year’s favorite…

DAUGHTRY Reaches Number 1 Spot on Billboard Top 200

Good place to listen – Daughtry Sessions

‘Til Tuesday …

AI from Los Angeles, Land of the Freaks and the Home of the Bizarre

January 31, 2007

Ryan recaps the season thus far and we are reminded that the gorgeous and talented Kat McPhee is from L.A. Yep, AI is in their own backyard, lookin’ for luv, er… great talent. The judges come draggin’ in, and yay we have a guest judge tonight to mix things up a bit.

Flashbacks of Olivia Newton-John prove that you can be beautiful and dorky at the same time. She still looks very good and makes cute banter with Simon. Hope to God that Paula doesn’t pull her diva-tude like she normally does when there is a female guest judge.

First up, it’s a K-Fed look-alike, cuz we have not had enough of him lately. Heavy sigh. We can tell already that TIIC has run out of ideas. There is way too much time wasted on this Elimidate reject. Maybe Britney needs a loony-bin backup dancer.

There should be a special Emmy award given to Ryan every year called “Best Interaction with Insane People.” Bless his heart, how does he keep a straight face??

Next, it is Forrest’s best friend Bubba who is at least one taco shy of a combo plate. His singing is painful and at least the judges wait until he leaves the room to laugh at him.

Ryan says that Hollywood is getting Hollyweird. (More news from the file marked DUH.) Proof of that is the “peanut butter jelly time” guy. Thank you so much, now THAT song is stuck in my head for the rest of the night.

Now we have a half-dressed gal from a show biz background whose mom toured with Dean Martin. My Hubby says that this gal looks like a “hoochie-mama” but that her mother is pretty. I hope for the best but cover my ears when the girl starts singing. Simon says that she sounds like Cher after she’s been to the dentist. Very embarrassing when the chick gets on her knees and begs. Too bad The OC is being cancelled; she could use this footage for an audition tape. Then the mom comes in to fuss at the judges and it is so funny when Randy and Simon talk about how hot the mom is. My Hubby concurs.

Next we have more auditions for All My Children. Did I accidentally switch the channel to SoapNet? Poor Olivia’s eyes are crossed, literally.

Ryan introduces us to a very pretty gal who is letting her fate rest in the judges’ hands. She talks about giving up her dream of a singing career and doing something weird like going to school. Thank goodness she can sing, cuz we wouldn’t want her to do that. She is actually very very good and I can imagine her in the Top Ten. She cries when Simon tells her she is great and he likes her a lot.

Commercials… quick question – how the heck many more movies are going to use the “Unwritten” song in their previews?? Just askin’.

Next is a gal who says she is the female Taylor Hicks but she looks more like the sarcastic lady on Grey’s Anatomy and she sounds like crap. Dashed hopes and dreams abound as Ryan tries to offer comfort to the talentless. In the background, Taylor sings the “proud” song and it is all very mock-tender.

Finally! Ryan interviews a sane person who is a background singer. He is very handsome and polished and sings “Always on my Mind” with absolute perfection. The ladies are over the moon, and Simon pronounces him the best of the day. Quote of the night from Simon: “You have a likeability about you which is something you and I share.” Ba-da-boom.

Hey, it’s the arrogant ladies man from last year who cried like a baby when he got cut in Ho’wood. He has better hair this year, but that Brokeback singing just ain’t for me, dawg. Simon says he is forgettable but Olivia thinks he is sweet, so he makes it through again.

Next we meet a senior citizen who petitioned to be able to audition irregardless of his advanced age. He sings a song for his lady who just passed away from cancer and it is very sweet and sad and everyone is crying.

We see quick takes of good folks who made it through and we are on Day 2. Ryan has to break up a couple who are making out in the hallway. It’s like High School Musical meets The Parkers only worse.

For absolutely no reason other than to waste time, we are forced to watch more kisses and talk of “bling bling” from Humpdella and her Metal-toothed bo'friend. Neither of them can sing worth a lick. Simon rats the girl out to her fella that she flirted shamelessly with him. It’s like watching a bad episode of Love Connection.

Commercials… note to self: Add Season 1 of Prison Break to the Netflix queue; those guys are so hunk-a-delic.

“No notes in tune” for the next few contestants as Ryan tries once again to make intelligent conversation with crazy people while keeping a straight face. We have a guy who looks like William Hurt a thousand years ago and he sounds like fighting cats. Simon chastises him for not being serious. It is painful and goes on way too long, and even longer when Simon finds the opportunity to further mock and humiliate. Seems that the cat-fight-singing guy took vocal lessons from a DVD-set that Randy and Paula produced. Didn’t someone break that DVD set on the street last season in a fit of rage?

My faves from L.A. are the pretty “my destiny is in your hands” gal, Alaina. And the good-looking background singer that brought Paula out of her coma - Brandon.

Next week is the final stop on the audition tour, thank the merciful heavens. See y'all in Texas...