February 7, 2007
Well, they are calling this episode the “Rest of the Best” but knowing TIIC, it will be a lot of the worst as well. And yep, previews of what is coming up will be a mixture of good, bad, and oh-my-God-it’s-coming-toward-me.
Ryan says that we will be given lessons in auditioning, Yay! I love lists…
Lesson 1: The Look
Remember the crazy costumers from last year? I know, me neither. Only a couple this year, thank goodness. “Snappy” outfits are shown, including a “nun” who strips down to a sexy outfit. The highlight of this segment is a weird chick who looks like a hooker who got dressed in the dark. She says she bases her clothes on how she feels that day. Simon quips, so today you felt “like the inside of a dust bin.” Paula hits him.
Next a gal who, to quote Ryan proves “you don’t need a crazy outfit if you’ve got Mad Skills.” She does indeed have a fantastic voice but only Bo should ever do “Whipping Post” ever again. This gal is likable enough but if she wants mainstream America to vote for her, she is gonna have to lose that awful lip ring. Just sayin.’
Lesson 2: Seek Inspiration
Quick takes of contestants professing their love for Idols past – Fantasia, Taylor. Some mention other celebs including “The Hoff” a.k.a. Mitch on Baywatch. Now a crazy Asian guy says William Hung is his inspiration, but wait… this guy has a wonderful voice. We have been tricked again, way to go TIIC. Paula tries to show the boy some luv but Simon keeps interrupting.
A few short seconds of Bo doing his “a cappella” thing from a couple years ago. Some poor deluded (Simon’s word) little boy tries to do that same song and it is just a mess.
Lesson 3: Never Give Up
Highlights of contestants who have auditioned before, including one of the “Brokenote Cowboys” from last year. (Not little Garet but the tall one.) Some folks say they are on their 4th or 5th time.
The dental assistant gal from last year comes in, with an awful shirt that looks like tattoos all over her arms. Her sucking up to Simon is just as icky as before, but she has a decent voice and makes it through to Ho’wood again.
Now we have some Simon luvahs, Randy hatahs, and Paula worshippers and it is very funny. Except for the very long and uncomfortable audition of the pitiful little Puerto Rican guy who can not sing worth five cents and only came on to meet Paula anyway so hmmmp.
Very quick highlights of folks in their “day” jobs including one dude who says he is a hillbilly. Reminders of Ace, Chris, and Kellie. Oh the memories! A clip of Kellie on roller skates segues into –
Lesson 4: Audition on Your Own
Three cute roller skating waitresses audition together, two blonde chicks and a beautiful black girl. The first blonde does country and is okay but the judges are just meh. Blondie Two does a Sarah McLachlan song and she is not much better, mainly because NO ONE should ever try to do Sarah. Just FYI. Anyways, the black gal is next and it does not matter if she can sing or not… she should be a supermodel anyway. She has a very lovely voice and Simon says that she could sing the phone book and it would not matter. The country one does not make it but the other two do and it’s kinda sad when they skate out together. Funny Paula moment when she tries to give “motherly” advice.
Next, Ryan reminds us that every single one of the Idol winners' “anthems” have basically sucked beyond the telling of it. Hey, Randy admitted that openly and without shame. So! This year they are having a songwriting contest to see if Joe Public can do better.
Awful performances of some losers who try to perform original songs but it is all in vain. Except the sound effects guy, he was pretty cool and looked a little like Federov. Way too much time wasted on bald guy with shiny yellow shirt. He and his original song are just bad even though he is in denial. (Has anyone noticed how the population of bald dudes has increased since the days of Daughtry?)
Lesson 5: Shake Your Moneymaker?
The question is asked… to dance or not to dance? Some crazy stunts are shown, most of them pretty bad. Except for Ryan, who proves that he’s got moves we’ve never seen. Love the clip of Paula and the dancing cartoon cat from a thousand years ago.
Another Paula fan comes in showin’ his flexible dancing moves. I did not know that Ricky Martin and Richard Simmons had a love child together. Snnnap. The judges pass on this nutty guy but they are very careful to be extremely nice, lest they bring about the wrath of the GLAAD bags.
Lesson 6: Clarity
Ryan explains that we have gotta be able to understand the words, yo. Now a game, Name That Song. And of course, the object of this game is that we can not name that song if our life depended on it. Included in this game is Music Teacher lady from last night’s San Antonio audition.
Showing us how it is supposed to be done, is the next gal. She is wearing a bright orange top and matching cool high heels. She has the best voice of this competition so far but is heavyset, so I am waiting for Simon to make a crack. Mandisa must have taught him well last year, as he says only that he loves her; she is a good old-fashioned belter. Sad moment when orange-heels lady cries with her little daughter.
As the judges celebrate that the auditions are thankfully finally mercifully over, Ryan reminds us of some good, bad, and just plain stupid moments. Best scenes are Ryan in the wig (dude, DON’T ever do that again!), Simon calling Paula a disgusting pig when she spits her gum out, the grandma who can not bring herself to be mad at Simon cuz she really does like him, and Poor Ryan trying to juggle. Comedy does not get better than this folks, unless your name is Earl. Or maybe Raymond.
Previews from next week… The Hollywood Rounds (or as I call it, Ho’wood for obvious reasons.) Things look pretty intense … 172 people are going, to be whittled down to 12 girls and 12 guys… I already see some of my favorites in tears so look out…
From this “best of” episode, I liked that last gal the best, the one with the orange outfit – LaKisha is her name.
Oooh, Kat McPhee is on Jimmy Kimmel Live right now. She says it is her first “couch” interview and is delighted that her CD is number 2. She is charming and delightful as ever, I don't care what My Kid says.
Memories... Oh well - here's to lookin' forward...
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