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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Hollywood Meets “Real World”


February 13, 2007

Ryan kicks things off with the Daughtry tidbit of being the fastest Idol debut to go platinum. Clay Aiken fans all over the world are like, “Do whut Bubba??” My Kid is gloating and in full “told you so” mode.

Of the 172 contestants, there are twice as many gals than guys. Which means that Ho'wood week will be more of a soap opera than ever. Not to dis’ my own gender, but ya just can’t get a buncha chicks together without a lot of twirping.

First day, it’s all girls. They perform individually and are brought up in groups of six. The Canadian girl (Jory) does the icky Paula suck-up but before you can say “Dekey Canuck, eh?” she is outta there. Simon rips them all a new one and now the remaining girls are super freaked.

The extremely perky Shakira impersonator (Perla) rehashes that stupid “hips” song that she did in the audition. She just annoys me. Please STHU already!

One of my early faves, the army reserves gal (Rachel) is next and she is lovely in civilian duds. She sings that Toni Braxton song, the one where Tyson Beckford has bad luck with a motorcycle. She sings very well but… she is cut and Shakira Lite is put through. This show really really baffles me sometimes.

Horse Ranch Barbie (Baylie) sings well, and as expected this “Commercial with a Capital C” gal is put through. Her mom is in the audience and she is very pretty; she’s like the Cauc version of Lisa Tucker’s mom from last year.

Speaking of commercials, the Ford Edge commercial with the cars riding on top of the skyscraper buildings just cracks me up. Every time it comes on, My Kid says, “Hey, that’s the building that Amy Lee jumped off of.” Gotta love Evanescence inside jokes.

Back to the AI biz - there are a whole lotta tears and bad attitudes when we see some of the gals who were highlighted on the audition eps being cut. Which just goes to show that you can not predict what TIIC is going to do. Obviously some of those montages were red herrings. Among the cuts are the Second Chance gal that I like, Ashlyn. And a couple that were just meh… the “Rocky” gal who values a great body over all else and the Crying Girl who looks like Mandy Moore.

The next gal has her mom and aunt as tagalongs and she sings the song that they like instead of the one she liked. Long story longer, she gets cut and on national TV in front of a crazillion people, she disses them six ways from Sunday. Her mama even gets up on stage and gives the judges what-for. I am expecting Oprah to show up any minute now.

So almost HALF of the gals are sent packing the first day. Things are off to a rocky start.

Second day, and let’s hear it for the boys. The guys sing, then are brought up in groups of three and sometimes four. There is not a lot of drama, except for the little guy (Matt) whose mama really DOES love him after all. He calls her from that pink cell phone that is obviously a sponsor this year.

More importantly, my fave guy, Chris Sligh, makes it through. Yeah! And for some reason Paula looks like Gracie in Miss Congeniality 2.

The awfully dreaded and dreadfully awful group rounds are next. This would be a good time to go walk my dogs. Contestants vie to find partners and inevitably there is someone who does not make the team. It’s like watching kids play kickball on the playground.

The Brokenote guy picks a group and we are reminded that little Garet did not show up this year. My Kid was really hoping that he would come back for another chance. I tell her that he probably got married and had five kids by now and she frogs me. He’s too young to get married, I am told.

Now here is where American Idol meets Real World. The GGW BFFs are teamed with poor sweet little Baylie who looks totally lost. Her expression says “Help. Me.” The BFFs argue (duh!) and it gets real old real fast.

Meanwhile in another room … the Simon suck up girl (Gina) along with Shakira Lite and some other gals that I don’t know are having a hard time too. Survey says that the Columbian booty shaker can NOT carry a tune to save her life.

Back to poor Baylie and the BFFs – they can not get their lyrics right, because who has even heard of these songs?? This is Old People Music! The blonde BFF (Amanda) sneaks off for some flirtin’ time with the boys. She reminds me of the gal from the Fantasia season that trolloped around on practice night, blew her song, but made it to the Top 24 anyway. Wonder whatever happened to her...

Next day, Simon reiterates: “DO NOT FORGET THE WORDS.” Which means, of course, that the next few clips are of pitiful lost souls who do just that.

CryBaby Boy is cut and goes sobbing to mommy. Sorry, but crying guys just freak me out. Both My Kid and My Hubby tell me that I am harsh. Heh. Not as harsh as this little boy’s mom, shesh.

We see Gina braggin’ that she is all that. Yeah, me too. Whatever. She actually does well with the limited resources available to her. All the girls in that group make it through except for Perla. Thank the everlovin’ heavens.

The best group session in the history of AI is next – Chris and his group are GREAT. The BeatBox guy (Blake) does his thang and that stuff still gets old to me after just a few secs. I just can not hear him beat-boxing an Elvis song, or whatever they are going to “theme” us with this year.

My Hubby’s fave, Sundance, is up next; he sings with two cute black gals and they seem very uncomfortable with each other. He does not do well and Simon makes him aware of that fact, no holds barred. He makes it through and then… do what? Please tell me that he did not just say he was one of the Best Singers he knows. Hmmm, arrogant much? Sorry, but I was brought up to believe that you just don’t toot your own horn but oh well…

Baylie & The BFFs are up next. (There’s a group name for ya.) For clarity’s sake, BFF#2 is now dubbed Overbite Girl, in spite of My Kid’s protests that it’s not nice to make fun of people, blah blah blah. Anyhow, she is the only one who remembers the words. Baylie and BFF#1 (now dubbed The Skank) do not do as well. As a matter of fact, Baylie bombs so bad that it is just sad and you can see the “money stars” in Simon’s eyes get extinguished. They have to cut her. They have no choice – remember the “don’t forget your lyrics or else” speeches? Poor Baylie and her gorgeous mom are crying. And in a true “oh no she DI’INT!!!” moment, The Skank informs us that this just proves that God likes nice people. Huh, maybe the god of fake suntans.

Still trying to get over the flabbergastment of The Skank’s comment, it hardly occurs to me that two of my earlier faves are cut: Ebony, the beautiful roller-skating waitress and Sean, the Fidel Castro guy.

Only 56 folks left, y’all. Now is the time for them to sing solo with the piano and background singers. Then they are split up into the “temple of doom” holding rooms.

First & second rooms – MADE IT!! Among this Top 40: Beatbox Guy (Blake), BFF Overbite (do not know her name and do not care), Simon Groupie (Gina from last year), The Brokenote Guy (Matt, also from last year), Asian Nerd (Paul), Timberlake Lite (don’t remember his name), Big Afro Guy (Tommy), Lip Ring Blues Woman (Tami), The Curly Haired Girl (Jordin), The Weird Beard Guy (Hubby’s fave, Sundance), The Cute Indian Boy (that My Kid likes), Shy Background Singer (Melinda, YAY!), most importantly MY FAVE – Chris Sligh!!! YAY, another Chris to root for!

There is much cryin’ time for the third room, especially for these notables: The Cute Indian Boy’s Sister, The Pickler Clone, and The Skanky BFF. Am soooo glad to see that last one go! Every year, TIIC sticks us with a “diva villain” and I was certain that she would be this year’s.

Hugs, tears, ramifications…. ‘til tomorrow when we get the official announcement of the Top 24. Spoilers have been out for weeks and of course I have looked at the list. What am I, a saint?? Of course, several of the names on the list have not been showcased yet. Not sure if I trust the spoilers, but hey – if it’s on the ‘net, it’s gotta be true right? (-:

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