February 6, 2007
Right off the bat, Ryan tells us from the Alamo that this is the LAST audition city of this season. And wow what a freakin' relief that is! Or maybe I added that last part …
11,000 screamin’ potential contestants await the judges. Simon’s man-boobies lead the way as he comes struttin’ in, all arrogance and disdain. (Just how we like him, right?)
First up is a decent-looking young fellow who claims he sounds like Billy Idol or Ozzy Osbourne, which means he is gonna suck. My Kid likes Billy (but only because he looks like Spike on Buffy), so she has high hopes for this guy. Any hope is immediately dashed however, as he proves he is no Vital Idol. Good news is, Sharon O. has announced that the Oz-Fest is going to be “free” this year, so maybe he can jump on that wagon train. Then again… no.
Next is a pretty Wedding Singer who comes this-close to having some butt-cleavage showing. Funny how the camera-man tries so hard to get a shot. Men! She sounds lovely and way better than Adam Sandler. The judges are not overly impressed but put her through anyway.
Now we have a cute black gal; her family members say she has sung gospel music her entire life. There are two things disturbing about this girl – a) she exhibits absolutely no spark whatsoever, which is unusual for a gospel singer and b) when the judges tell her correctly that she is not good, she makes with the *bleep bleep* and playa hatin’ insults. Way to spread The Good Word, potty mouth.
Montage Time on a horse ranch and it’s Kelly Ripa from her soap opera days … no wait, a pre-Sheen Denise Richards maybe? At any rate, she is young and blonde and cute as a button. She sings a Faith Hill song and this folks, is the most excited that we have seen Simon all season. He pronounces that she is “Commercial with a Capital C” and yes that is a good thing.
Ryan narrates as we see quick glimpses of contestants, some making it and some not. Included in this is a Jon Peter Lewis look-a-like and some guy who zoomed right past Poor Ryan without stopping. What a hoot.
Also shown is some chick who brought her baby. This just bugs me... Get a sitter or call grandma for pete's sake. If you can not afford a babysitter then Don't Go. That simple. But I digress as usual.
Just for filler fodder and their own amusement, highlights of many “Other Door” moments. Welcome students, to How To Make People Feel Like Crap 101.
Huggin’ Cuzzins are next and they are kinda icky. I am having a Happy Bunny Moment watching them. So Cuz #1 is way bad with the worst rendition of “Amazing Grace” in the history of the world. So funny though, when he does the fake-trash talk. Cuz #2 is a total surprise however; he is very good and makes it through.
A couple of bad folks are shown and then a pretty lady who says that she sang for the mayor of Houston. She starts in on the “Black Velvet” song and My Kid wonders if maybe this gal is signaling her home planet? She cries and it’s sad and gets worse when all of America finds out that she is a Music Teacher.
Absolutely gorgeous young gal is up next; she reminds me of a young Kim Fields a.k.a. Tootie. She is charming and has a delightful voice but the judges criticize her weird facial expressions. They send her packing and I am yelling at the TV. The judges have made a huge mistake with this gal but wait…! Before her fam’ has a chance to call in The Rev, they bring her back into the audition room. After a pep talk and a rare moment of Simon-kindness, she makes it through. Whew!
Next, we are subjected to some devil-worship-sounding mess, complete with instructions to kiss his *bleep.* Thank goodness the next guy is cute and sweet and funny. Oh, and he sang well, too. It’s always better when the show ends with a positive spin. Faster than you can say “Cuddy loves House,” the Texas auditions are over.
So, my San Antonio favorites were the cute blonde thank-God-there-is-no-sob-story gal: Baylie. And the adorable 2nd chance girl, Ashlyn. Tomorrow we will be subjected to “The Best of the Worst” which means that I will be on the other channel watching Lost. Oh all right… I will be here bloggin’. Gotta keep my readers happy (all both of them, tee hee.)
Y’all come back now…
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