April 10, 2008
“Tugging on heartstrings” time is up, it’s back to business, y’all. Tonight one contestant will go home.
Mandisa is in the audience! I love that award-winning True Beauty.
Ryan thanks everyone who watched the charity ep last night, all 18 million of us (way fewer than last year.) We get to see highlights of the show because our attention spans are very small. We are reminded of the good (Heart), the bad (Teri Hatcher), and the cartwheels. 60 million dollars raised, which is awesome.
While Ryan goes on and on about the website, iTunes and whatnot, I take a minute to check my Relay For Life fundraiser page. Thanks to my friends and co-workers, the goal has been surpassed. I am amazed at the generosity of the people whose lives have been touched by cancer. But I digress and Ryan has finally finished talking.
Because so many TiVos timed out last night when the show ran into overtime, the top 8 do a reprise of the IGB finale song, “Shout to the Lord.” There was some chatter on the ‘net that this song caused controversy last night. The Christians were upset that the name of Jesus was edited out and the heathens were p.o.’d that they had the audacity to sing a religious song at all. I mean, let’s not expose crazillions of people to spirituality. I mean, they might go crazy and start doing good deeds or something.
To my surprise, tonight it’s Christians: 1 and Lions: 0. Because yay, they have added Jesus back to the song. Praise God and let the glory hallelujah protests roll!
The group sings this even better than last night, although only Little David, Brooke and Syesha seem to really get into it. As with all the group performances, Jason is like uh Cheech did what dude? Carly and Rocker Dave “bring it to church” at the end with the glory notes.
We will see more Talking Heads tonight, starting with two cute little blond boys named Zack & Cody. As last year, there is a montage of random celebrities lip syncing their way through an old song. This year it’s “I’m a Believer.” I don’t recognize most of these people which proves that I am not as pop culturally refined as I brag to be. There was Kylie, Cheryl Ladd’s look-alike from CSI Miami, Dr. Phil, and the big gal from The Practice. Fixed my little red wagon with not knowing more than that. This means I have to consult the resident expert, My Kid. She doesn’t do much better and only recognizes Rob Schneider, George Lopez, and the Kardashians.
Dim the lights, it is results time. And we didn’t even get a recap of performance night.
Brooke is called up first and she is sad about missing her sister’s wedding but excited about being safe. Why do they send this uncoordinated sweetheart to the couches first?
Rocker Dave is next and Ryan tells him he seems humble tonight. They contemplate the thesaurus that Simon uses to get words that mean the opposite of that. Dave is safe and off to the couch. (Dave, we are praying for your brother.)
Little David is next and after chit chat about tinkling the ivories, he is safe, duh.
Talking Head time: Dr. Phil and Ricki Lake who says American Idol dot now. Funniest thing I’ve heard in going on three nights.
Back to sadness and Forest Whiteker and his wife back in Africa. My Kid and Hubby say they have had enough sadness and go off to their rooms to cry some more. Only I hang in there to see and hear the misery set to music from the Lion King.
Jordin Sparks and hottie Chris Brown sing their mega hit “Air.” They are both adorable and sing really well together. They seem to be into each other too; they are shooting sparks at each other (pardon the pun.) Even Ryan notices the vibes and gets some giggles from Jordin. Then she’s presented with gold records which are called downloads now.
Talking Head: The Shield/Commish will kick our butts if we do not give back.
The Ford-mercial is set to “I Just Want to Celebrate” another day of living, and features fast cars, bright colors and tree-hugging undertones.
More results… Clifford, I mean Jason is next and he and Ryan chat about ukuleles and he is safe.
Kristy and her disco-era blouse come to the stage. She navigates her way toward the metal seats but wait... she’s safe.
That leaves Carly, Michael and Syesha as the bottom three.
Talking Head: Jim Carrey in serious mode, no “dumber” present.
Ryan and Bono and one.org remind us that it’s our responsibility to change the world. Then the three potential presidents wax philosophical with John McCain getting the best lighting and making a funny.
With eleven whole minutes to go Ryan has to stretch this elimination drama out. We have time for lots more commercials including an awesome one for the Starlight Foundation.
When we get back, it is with agonizing slowness... to learn that Carly and Syesha are safe. The audience is stunned and then boos for a long while. Evil Ryan teases that last year no one was eliminated but this year, too bad Michael is going home. I still expect Ashton Kutcher to pop out and tell him he’s been Punk'd.
Michael is shocked as he should be. Carly and Syesha are too stunned to even go sit on the couches. Paula is ready to chew nails. From his “celebrate me home” journey we are reminded of the awesomeness of all things Michael Johns.
Even My Hubby is disappointed because he likes him also; he says that Michael will get a record deal before the night is over. Our Kid is okay as long as Rocker Dave and Jason are safe. I want to slam doors and throw things the way that she did two years ago when Chris D. was voted off.
The judges say kind things to Michael, even Simon. Then he “dreams until his dreams come true,” just as well as Tuesday night. The final seven remaining contestants stand by the cushy couches thinking there but for the grace of God go I…
And so I go as well… to watch My Name is Earl because I need a laugh.
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