April 30, 2008
Ryan reminds us that YES we are on LIVE TV, so Paula please behave.
He also says that we know more about these five contestants than any others before, but he does not add that it’s due to the power of the internet. There are 26,700,000 American Idol hits on Google alone.
The show will be turtle-paced tonight instead of the quick-like-a-bunny speed of last night. Hopefully this switch back to basics will be calm for the Abdulster.
Unfortunately, the group medley of Neil Diamond songs involves musical chairs, off-beat swaying and pointy poises galore. The singing is decent but these contestants need to ask the emperor for a new groove. (That is still my favorite Disney movie.)
Constantine and Gina are in the audience to talk about their co-hosting jobs on FOX Reality's American Idol Extra. Ryan should not be worried. And was that Ace Young?? How you doin’?
Recap … Brooke was a believer, Cook was alive, Jason was honey sweet, Syesha was to blame, good times never seemed so good for Archie, Syesha thanks the Lord for the night time, Brooke was not a nightmare she said, Jason danced until the night became a brand new day, Archie came to America today, Cook was all we ever needed on the show ever. Neil was impressed with the poise and the talent of these five kids.
Very Serious Ryan puts the Paula rumors to rest once and for all, and makes us all feel ashamed for ever having doubts about her sincerity, earnestness and complete and utter sainthood. She is not taking meds prescribed by Dr. House and Simon will kick Terri to the curb for Paula any minute. So hush up everybody, ‘kay?
Results time… Jason is up first and admits that he knew nothing of Neil Diamond, and yes he learned his songs in five minutes. No matter than he sucked so very badly last night; he is safe.
Archie is next and has to hear all of the praise of zones and bombs and being clever. He actually looks surprised when told he is safe, silly boy. I found a clip from Britain’s Got Talent of a little boy named Charlie Green. He is only 10 but is a superstar in the making; he has the adorableness factor of our Little David, so he will go far.
Speaking of Britain, an English lady tells us all about So You Think You Can Dance, which will resume in three weeks. Watching the clip is like being trapped in a nightmare with that shouting lady and Nigel with Bee Gees hair. Oh and the extremely weird dancing that crazillions of people seem to like. Not my cup of tea but whatev.
The “design a Coke cup” winner is announced and Randy models the cup. Hope Paula didn’t pee in it. Is there anything that this show won’t pimp?
More results… Rocker Dave is up next and he tries to act nervous and even cites how last week Simon’s praise was “the kiss of death” for Carly. My Kid and I are glad that he is safe.
Not surprisingly, Syesha and Brooke are the final two standing. Ryan rehashes for about seventy thousand years all things Mercado and White. It is not even the bottom of the hour yet, so of course we won’t know which one of them is going home for awhile.
Commercial interludes… Jaclyn Smith is still the most beautiful woman in the world at like, a thousand.
Guest singer Natasha Bedingfield looks weirdly like Brooke White with false eyelashes and has a good voice for a contemporary artist. (So many of them just aren’t known for good singing these days and we all know it.) Too bad the song she is singing is rather annoying and not as good as “Unwritten.” My Kid and I try to remember how many movies, TV shows and commercials that song has been in and quit counting after 1496. Natasha is lovely and British and wants to go to the prom with Little David.
Holy crap, the stupid viewer calls are back. They make Paula talk about how nice and wonderful and Mary Poppins like she is. How dare we ever think differently! Simon speaks to an old flame from boyhood for approximately 10,000,000 years. You know, when he’s relaxed and smiling, he is kinda attractive. Just sayin’.
Next, the Ford Hybrid fake-mercial is set to “Catch the Wind” with lots of “earth day” ado. All of the contestants look really good and the special affects are cool. I miss Kermit though.
Neil Diamond performs a song from his latest recording Home Before Dark called “Amazing Grace.” It’s not the version that we and Kristy Lee Cook know but a different one. It’s not even like Todd Agnew or Chris Tomlin and definitely not like we do at church. Actually the title of Neil’s song must be “Pretty Amazing Grace” because he sings that over and over. It’s okay but I’m not moved.
Mr. Diamond talks to Seacrest about the mean judges and awesome contestants and encourages them to stick with music and never ever stop. He is a really cool guy.
Ryan brings Syesha and Brooke back to the stage and we quickly learn that Brooke is the one going home. She is already resolved and the tears are already rolling.
Brooke’s “celebrate me home” video reminds us of when Simon promised to bring her to the dark side, and it’s a good thing he never did. We see her when she was a nanny for adorable twin baby girls. And trying to fix the crazy Princess Leia girl’s hair pieces. She is a very talented lady indeed with a cute curly-haired hubby to go home to.
Babbly Brooke is running out of time but does get to say “thank you” to everybody before trying to sing “I Am I Said.” She fumbles and bumbles around the lyrics, and the other four quickly join her on stage. Finally she is finished and can now go have the nervous breakdown she so richly deserves.
As far as the lyric change that Neil suggested - even My Kid notices that Arizona and California are two states beside each other, not shores apart. She says the song should now be “I Am Geographically Incorrect.” Silly girl, that’s way too many syllables.
Not sure what is up for the final four next week but I have heard that it’s songs from the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame.
‘Til next week… in the meantime hopefully no one will pose for Vanity Fair.
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