Hurray for Dollywood!!

Ever since I was a child, I have liked Dolly Parton. Not as much for her singing as for her giggly, girly personality. Big hair and bodacious bod notwithstanding, this lady has always been adorable. And no matter the surgical magic that has kept her looking so youthful at age 62; Dolly looks great these days.

Here is my wish list of Dolly songs for the Top 9:

Brooke – My Blue Tears
Carly – Jolene
Dave – 9 to 5
David – Eagle When She Flies
Jason – Here You Come Again
Kristy – Why’d You Come in Here Lookin’ Like That
Michael – But You Know I Love You
Ramiele – Wildflowers
Syesha – I Will Always Love You

For the group song on elimination night, they should do “Romeo.” Wouldn’t that just be the cheesiest??

Bold predictions for this week!!

Brooke’s voice will crack from emotion at some point during her song.
Carly’s hair will be back to Beaver’s-Mom style and she’ll wear some huge tent shirt.
Dave will do an emo version of a Dolly song covered by some obscure rock band.
David will lick his lips a lot, bounce like Tigger and giggle; the mosh pit girls will scream wildly.
Jason will still have dreadlocks, but hopefully with no bees buzzing around this time.
Kristy’s voice will cause my little dog to go into a seizure.
Michael and his cowlicks will look super fine, but his voice will sound better on the iTunes recording than it does live.
Ramiele will put everyone in a coma and then she’ll squeal cutely during critique time.
Syesha’s performance will be full-blown Whitney down to the very last power note.

Who will show “Halos” and who will have “Horns?” Tune in Tuesday…

“Why Do I Love You???”

The other day, My Kid was playing a Three Days Grace CD and the song “I Hate Everything about You” came on. I couldn’t help but think about (what else??) American Idol. Because like the song says, there are so many things about it that I really dislike, so… Why. Do I. Love you?

I have taught my daughter since birth that using the word “hate” was completely wrong except for when it comes to the devil and soap opera characters. It’s acceptable to hate the devil because, well duh… he’s Satan. And it’s okay to loathe soap characters to your heart’s content because (regardless to contrary opinions of some soap fans), they are NOT REAL.

Recently, during an episode of American Idol, Simon was harshly criticizing Jason and My Kid took umbrage with his remarks. After a few minutes deep in thought, she asked me, “Does Simon fall into the category of things that I can hate?” I suppressed a giggle but then questioned why she would ask me that. She replied that he somewhat fit both types of “allowable hateable” things – there are often satanic forces at work and like soap characters, he’s not real.

We debated the issue and came to the conclusion that he doesn’t really fall into the “I can hate you” list. However, we can highly and intensely dislike the guy’s actions if we want to, but only when he is a) arrogant, b) belligerent, or c) condescending. So yeah, pretty much all the time.

The entire conversation reminded me of one of our favorite movies, the old Julia Stiles flick 10 Things I Hate About You.

One thing I like as much as AI is making lists! So here goes the latest, although it’s more like an essay. (I am long-winded about everything, especially my favorite show.)

10 Things I Hate About AI

1. All things are not created equal on American Idol. Year after year we are subjected to reels of footage of heartaches and sadness and weirdness only to find out that … TA-DA! That person never even made it to Hollywood. Why waste our time with these people? This is frustrating because inevitably there will be someone in the top 24 who has had zero screen time during the audition process. When we meet them for the first time on the stage, there is (as they say in the corporate world) no value add to that particular contestant. For every Bo Bice and Elliott Yamin there are at least ten Leslie Hunts and Jason Yeagers. (I know right, WHO?) They should leave the struggling single parents, the “my bad dad” childhood traumas, the I-survived-a-fiery-car-accidental-death-by-axe-murder-drowning victims, ad nauseum, to Dr. Phil and Oprah. TPTB know who the top 24 are going to be well in advance of when the episode premieres. The editors have plenty of time to ensure that each one of these contestants gets screen time prior to the first performance show. Even if they don’t have a sob story or next-on-Jerry-Springer lifestyle, they deserve an equal footing. Let American Idol be about SINGING. What a concept!

2. Allowing children to participate in the contest. It’s cruel and stupid; the age limit should be 18. Period, final answer, no exceptions. If you can not vote for president of the USA, you can not be a contestant on American Idol. That would be my rule if I was in charge of the AI universe. There are many who would protest this, arguing that Jordin Sparks was only 17 (!!!!) and she won last year. And what about this year’s Little Archuleta? He’s mature and handling the pressure just fine. And Paris and Lisa of season five, they did well enough. All of that is true, but this is the sitch: I live with a teenager so I know about the drama that accompanies someone that age; I see it every day. It’s like a cloud that constantly hovers, never knowing if it’s a storm cloud or a white fluffy bunny cloud. My Kid is the love and joy of my life, and she is the most mature teenager I have ever known. As a matter of fact, she’s one of the most grown-up people I have ever met. However, one cross word to her will lead to a meltdown the likes of which you’ve never seen (unless you have a teenager of your own.) They are emotional, they are hormonal, and they are still children. I do not like to watch children get upset and cry, and it saddens me when they are spoken to harshly or jerked around like puppets. If a 16-year-old is talented and wants to try out for the show, then that talent will still be there in two short years. They will be even better, with more experience. Plus, if TIIC implemented this 18+ rule, they would save brazillions of dollars from tutoring, chaperoning, and fines for breaking child labor laws. They need to listen to Aunt Pearl!!

3. The “in the box/out of the box” routine performed by the judges. They will tell a contestant one week that they need to “change it up” or to “get out of your comfort zone.” When the singer takes this advice they are often told “you need to get back to ballads cuz that jammin’ thing you just did wasn’t workin’ for me dawg.” This inconsistency is so exasperating to viewers (at least to this one) that I can’t even imagine how the kids on the show must feel. If they are strong enough they will see through the BS and just follow their own instincts. (See: Chris Daughtry.) Sadly, too many of them fall for every word they are being told, wishy-washy or not. Just imagine if the wonderful Stephanie Edwards had not been yanked about so often during her short stay last season. She coulda been a contendah!

4. Constant criticism of “song choice.” One thing that the producers do not reveal publicly is that the catalog of usable songs for the show is very limited. Each song has to be cleared, meaning they have to get permission to use it and pay a royalty fee. There are artists who flat out refuse to give Nigel & Co. rights to their songs either because they are a) halftards who do not understand that doing so will make them another small fortune, or b) idges who refuse to “compromise their integrity” (insert eye-rolling motion here), or c) quarterwits who have been living in a cave for the past seven years. At any rate, there have been dozens of contestants who have revealed in interviews that their first choice of song was unavailable so they were stuck with some drivel that they had to learn in five minutes. Because of this, the judges should lay off the “song choice” mantra. Just saying. It’s getting old.

5. Talking “around” the rumor mill. Instead of coming out and calling the elephant in the room a freakin’ ELEPHANT, they dance around the controversial issues that arise each year. This happens every season – as soon as the top 24 contestants are announced, out come the paparazzi headhunting bona fide demons-on-earth with the latest DUI mug shots, arrest records for pot, lesbo-lite photographs, throwing-things warrants, male lap dancers, twin-switching, “had a recording contract already but now it’s over,” youtube rants, etc. etc. Nigel & Co. have been quoted as saying that they don’t believe that the people who watch the show and cast the votes read anything on the internet. WHAT???? Oh to be rich and naïve to the ways of this world. Anyways, TPTB either ignore the latest TMZ-like findings or they dance around it on the show by having Ryan say things such as, “You’ve had a tough week.” Get out! The viewing audience is not stupid and most second graders know how to use the internet and google “American Idol scandals.” Wake up, ‘fess up, but don’t cover up.

6. SmackDown: Judges Edition. There are times for judge banter and times for them to STHU. When a contestant has finished singing and is standing on stage, humbly awaiting a critique, that singer deserves an honest review about their performance. Too often what they get instead is WWE starring Randy, Paula and Simon or sometimes just those last two. It is selfish for them to go on and on at each other while the contestant looks at them, probably thinking, “Hellllooooo? Still standing right here.” Often Ryan is a facilitator but he participates sometimes, too. I wish Nigel & Co. would come down from the rafters and with booming voices proclaim, “If I have to stop this car there will be no ice cream for anyone!!” Also in this category – Simon and Ryan’s faux gay-banter. Thankfully they have dialed down the “I know you are but what am I?” routine this season and we are all so GLAAD. Although I could be wrong, I do not believe that either of these men are light in the loafers. If they are, so what? They are extremely metro on a grand scale, especially Ryan. But for the love or Noriega, get out and stay out of the girly pool.

7. The mysterious red Coke cups. Some nights it is so obvious that it’s not cola or any kind of soda pop in that plastic container. Paula is not the only one who displays extremely loopy behavior as the night wears on. All three have been known to let loose with some eccentricity. Ms. Abdul most definitely takes home the Loopiest Judge of All Time award though. There are times when it’s downright embarrassing to watch her, then the very next episode she’ll be as coherent as Hillary at a Democratic convention. Many theories exist as to the reason behind the petite one’s bizarre actions: post-cheerleading- pain-disorder, chronic fatigue, alien abduction. Who knows, maybe she really is just wired differently. Straight up, now tell us, are we really gonna love her tomorrow? (Oh oh oh). Well, yes we are. At least this fan will, even though she astounds me most of the time. No matter the creepy, all three judges ultimately get the last laugh – all the way to the bank.

8. Commercials within a TV show and those absolutely annoying pop-up ads that sometimes take 1/4 of the TV screen. I can understand that sponsorship is very important to any program. However, the mesmerizing lava-like Coke icons in the “red room” and the weekly Ford faux-mercials are not the only staples this season. Now we have constant pimping of the iTunes love affair with American Idol. Complete with Apple’s squalling infant iPhones. Not only are Nigel & Co. getting their castles on private islands, Steve Jobs & Crew are as well. The “behind the scenes” look at the singers in the recording studio was just a long segment beaten-to-fit and painted-to-match an infomercial. And we are buying the stuff in droves, so mission accomplished, right? Now where’s my iPod, I need to download the latest Dave Cook song from iTunes...

9. Those stingy @$$ producers. American Idol makes crazillions of dollars each season. Every single person associated with the show is filthy stinking rich. Except for those who are the heart & soul and the bread & butter for the entire show – the contestants. There have been confirmed stories of recycled hair extensions (ewww) and subpar living conditions while the contestants are in confinement. They even have to share rooms, which just seems too thrifty. They are given a budget to work with each week for clothes but that must have been cut recently. Most of this year’s crop still look like they are off to the local burger joint instead of getting ready for the stage in front of millions of viewers. Most importantly, if families want to visit they have to do so on their own dime. This is taking “tightening the belt” too far. You would think that with all those zillions they’d be able to fork out the moola for a plane ticket. I suppose they are too busy with all the Give Back-ness, which indeed is a valuable and charitable event. However, they should spread some of the wealth around to the folks who are making them all that dough.

10. This one is not directly about the show itself, just a side effect – the American Idol “haters” that come out of the woodwork and out from under rocks from which they have crawled beneath. In spite of the list I am making right now, I do not understand why people want to climb aboard the “I hate American Idol” bandwagon. There are message boards and other forums, blogs and websites galore that play into the loathing of a show that is enjoyed by roughly 30 million viewers each week. Yes, it is our constitutional right to dislike anything we want (except Muslims and gays), but why be so vocal about hatin’ on a silly TV show? Such devotion to the distribution of negativity is plain silly. Why not spend that time on something that you DO like? It just seems like a waste of time to me. I enjoy blogging about AI because I LOVE the show; as the old Heart song says, it is “my obsession, my addiction, my drug.” There are folks who would tell me to get a life, to which I say, yes I know I need to do that. But as far as all the hatred goes, hey – don’t hate the playa’; hate the game. If you don’t wanna watch, simply don’t turn your TV to FOX from January to May and you’ll get through it just fine, I promise.

So there are my ideas for the non-existent Suggestion Box. Oh American Idol, Nigel & Co., 19E and the whole enchilada, as Joan Jett and Amanda Overmyer professed: “I Hate Myself for Loving You!” I suppose it could be worse. At least I am not blogging about the Kardashians.

Chikezie Eze, Sassy & Soulful Singer

When we first met Chikezie in the “Best of the Rest” episode, he auditioned with a Luther Vandross song which launched him to the Hollywood rounds. This week he came full circle by closing his American Idol run on yet another soulful ballad by that same artist.

There is no doubt that Chikezie was one of the more talented contestants this year, although his full potential was not recognized until Lennon/McCartney week. His rendition of “She’s a Woman” was off-the-charts good and one of the best AI performances ever.

From his AI home page:
Q: Where do you draw inspiration from?
A: I draw inspiration from my faith.
Q: Who is the person that you would most like to meet?
A: Easy… Jesus.

From his EW exit interview:
Q: Let's talk about your mother. I love her. Does she know that Idol fans love her?
A: Yeah, I have no complaints there. She got the Best Mother award a long time ago. She knows she's a celebrity.

About his song choice this week, he says: “I don't do things for no reason. When I'm performing, it's with the intention of lifting up people's spirits and entertaining them.”

Chikezie met David Hernandez in line at the San Diego auditions and they became fast friends. About the other Davids, one is called “Archie” and the other “Cookie.”

In his AOL interview, he discusses his feelings about being eliminated: “I was glad that none of the other guys had to go home. Honestly, I was. Because that's probably the hardest part of the show - saying goodbye to your friends.”

He also revealed the reason that he dropped his last name for the show. Contrary to how the judges said the name, as “Easy” that is not correct. It is actually pronounced “Eh-zeh.”

As for what the future holds, he would like to continue singing and give acting a try as well. He says, “I'm the type of person that I like to see what I can do, see what my boundaries are. I'm always testing myself to see what I can accomplish.”

Keeping in touch... Chikezie’s myspace page

It’s “Right Back to Where They Started From” for One of the Top 10

March 26, 2008

Oh Lo’…“Maverick” Seacrest reports that 30 million+ votes were cast but alas none of them for Huckabee.

To make up for last night’s Pussycat Dolls Halloween Party costume, Paula is in her very best going-to-the-Grammys outfit. Randy’s shirt looks like either a road map or one of those Science book anatomy pictures. Simon is buttonless, just as the screaming audience likes it.

Another shout out to the songwriting contest, the better to discover the next “I Believe This is My Moment Inside Heaven to be Proud.”

In lieu of a medley, the top ten’s group song is Maxine Nightingale’s “Right Back Where We Started From,” a disco hit that I owned on vinyl back in the day. They sound pretty good but their moves are still jerky and clumsy.

No vinyl in this world today, nosiree. We are subjected to major hype from Ryan and the contestants about the iTunes Idol downloads. It was nice to see the singers in the studio, some of them just learning the ropes and a couple just pretending that this is all new stuff to them. They really do sound very different on a recording than they do live.

Recaps … Michael is a rockin’ champion, Ramiele is all alone in a scene from Flashdance, Carly has a shadow on her all of the time, Syesha is too afraid to show she’s da woman, Jason is Spanish for fragile, Chikezie warms up to the sun and to the mosh pit, David made a noise and made it clear at Disney World, Brooke breathlessly stalked every move we made, there is no doubt that Kristy Lee loves this land and this show, and Billie Jean was not Rocker Dave’s lover.

B3 time - Chikezie is sent to one of the metal stools right away. He does not seem surprised. Brooke's safe and gets a chance to explain the method to her music madness. Carly’s not pregnant so TMZ and crew can stop those freakin’ rumors if you don’t mind. And she and her very best hairdo ever are safe, yay.

This week’s Ford faux-mercial is set to “I Want You to Want Me” and it is the best one ever. The CGI is very high end, the special effects are awesome. Did not pay attention to the singing very much, was too busy enjoying the visuals.

More results: Little David is safe. And yes doggoneit, he did choose his own song so get off the family’s back. The McPhees still have that hit man’s number ya know. Chris Cornell called and he likes Rocker Dave who is safe. Syesha is B3 which is too bad; she got good reviews last night. Michael is safe.

Well, as far as the B3 goes, so far so black. I am as white as a sheet of blank paper but this ticks me off. There is no reason for Chi and Syesha to be sitting on metal right now. Somebody call the Rev and Al, stat.

Stupid viewer calls are next so My Kid and I take this opportunity to catch each other up on the goings on in Llanview and Pine Valley. Even dealing with Adrianna and Greenlee is better than this asinine filler fodder.

However, My Hubby likes the viewer calls more than the ABC soap opera updates, so he finds out the following: Chikezie is single but gets eharmonized right there on the show. For the love of John Farnham, Heart, and Rebecca St. James, Archie really DID pick his own song last night. Some quarterwit wants Ryan’s job, to Simon’s amusement. Brooke would do a duet with John Mayer in a heartbeat. Oh, and Simon is too sexy for his shirt, which explains a lot about his attire tonight.

Keeping with the new tradition of Idol alumni, Kimberley Locke is featured next. They show her during season two and she sure looks different these days, wow. She talks about losing weight, her first single “8th World Wonder,” and how much AI changed her life for the better. Recently, she opened a steakhouse and has another album coming out. Kimberley looks very gorgeous tonight as she sings her latest song called “Fall.” It’s a nice enough song but seems to go on and on forever. These returnees should get the requisite 90 seconds that the current crop of contestants get. But as My Hubby says, they have to “burn that clock.”

Our Idol Gives Back update includes information on how some of the money raised last year was used locally. Lots of school kids and poor folks got food, medicine, even books to read. The funds helped with emergency evacuations also. This news makes me proud to be a fan, I don’t care what the naysayers proclaim. The next IGB will be April 9th; mark your calendar and keep the Kleenex handy.

Last B3 placement… Ramiele and her off-the-shoulder 80s style are safe. Will it be Jason or Kristy Lee? Dang. The devil is having a snowball fight right now in hell. For the first time in forever, KLC is not in the B3, which means that our dreaded Jason is sent to the stools. This is so messed up. We hear that Lee Greenwood liked Kristy’s version of his song. Whatever. Hopefully they will send her on a USO tour. Tomorrow.

Before Jason can even get started on how he just KNEW that this was going to happen, Ryan sends him to the couches. Whew! Unfortunately this still leaves two wonderful performers, neither deserving to get “celebrated home” tonight.

Syesha and her long scarf are safe and my man Chikezie is going home. He seems resigned to that fate and gives Syesha a big hug. His farewell montage reminds us of his sweet/sassy personality, his unique fashion sense, his enthusiastic mother, his husky soulful voice and the overall greatness of all things Eze. He performs the Luther song again and it is completely flawless.

Once again, America got this wrong. This show should be called Desperate Idol.

“Forever’s Going to Start Tonight” for the Top 10

March 25, 2008

The countdown to the finale has begun. Hard to believe we are already down to ten…

Has anyone noticed that the female cyborg “contestant” in the opening looks a bit like Carly? No ‘tat though, yay.

Ryan gives a shout out to the crowd, and I can’t help but think how awesome it would be to actually be there in the audience. It’s probably even better than the 3D SpongeBob Theater at Carowinds.

Raymond’s brother and his new TV wife are in the audience, all the better to pimp their new sitcom. They’ve got to do something because it’s just not that good, sorry.

Ryan sure is dressing better this season, but he still does not look anything like that cover of Details magazine. He introduces the judges as “superstars” which makes Randy smile. Poor Paula has been borrowing from The Go-Gos’ closet again. TMZ’s BFF Simon is showing some manly chest and looks like he just got up from a nap.

The top 10 contestants are brought onto the stage to massive cheering. I can not help but wonder - did the stylists go on strike?? Tonight’s theme is “songs from the year you were born,” which means from ’83 and up. They will also tell more about themselves and their childhood in the pre-sing video.

First up is Ramiele who talks about her baby ‘fro. What a beautiful baby! She reminisces about getting in trouble when she was a kid and they interview her adorable parents also. Singing was the turnaround that Ramiele needed to change her life. Tonight she wants to prove that she deserves to be in the top 10 and is singing the oft’ performed “Alone” by Heart. As always, her outfit is a mess. She looks like a college girl stopping in to do karaoke in between Drama 101 and study hall. Again, I am addled at the whereabouts of the stylists, especially for Rami. After hearing Carrie do the Heart song so well a few years ago it is hard not to make the inevitable comparison. Carly did it better during the Hollywood rounds this year as well. Ramiele does okay but not great; she is shaky throughout. Good thing the band sounds incredible and the backup singers carry her. Randy and Paula blame the sickness that is going around. Paula seems to have it too; she has the Darth Vader voice. Simon comes to Ramiele’s defense saying what all of us already know: she is a shoo-in to the finals no matter what she sings or how poorly. He pronounces it wasn’t as bad as Randy says, which delights Ryan into having a dissing Randy moment. If Rami does make it through, please for the love of holy heaven, someone find her some better clothes.

Jason is up next and too bad My Kid is not here tonight to watch the show with me. He talks about being an Aries but he’s not sure what that means. Today is his birthday; he’s a mere 21, sigh. He was the cutest kid and although he was not born with dreadlocks, his eyes were always really pretty. They show footage of Jason and his brother as kids jamming on toy guitars. His mom talks about how annoying it was, but you can tell his parents are proud of him now. Tonight he sits on a stool with his guitar to sing “Fragile,” a song by Sting that I don’t remember hearing before. He sounds pleasant and simple and easygoing just like he always does. Much more comfortable than last week, and our boy proves he can turn a Spanish phrase. The song doesn’t really go anywhere though, and I feel like someone should be bringing me a French vanilla cappuccino anytime now. Randy says it was nice but not great. Paula echoes that, adds that she loves Sting and that Jason is staying true to who he is. Simon warns him that he is not taking this show seriously and compares him to a street singer. He didn’t even like the way he played the guitar this time. “Too laid back and too much in your own world” and he’s right. Ryan tries to get a rise out of Jason but he just smiles and says dude yeah uhhh. It’s all about scoring chicks anyway man, right brah?

Next up is Syesha who talks about being a crybaby when she was a kid and does that baby cry impression again. Her mom talks about how she really was a handful and a diva from the very beginning. I wonder if she made flash cards with her? Syesha also tells us about the gold medals she won with her dance team and the tight aerobic costumes they wore. She proclaims to still be a kid, and I say good for her. Tonight she is singing “If I Were Your Woman,” and her hair is unfortunately back in ‘fro mode. She starts the song very nicely although somewhat cookie-cutter. And yep it’s another loving-a-married-man tune and even though it’s not a Whitney song, she goes full-on Ms. Houston with it. The high notes make it interesting and believable, and all in all it’s a good performance. Randy says it was the best he ever heard her sing. Syesha does the fake southern accent again which annoys me to no end. Paula says she flipped it and in her “I’ve got a cold” voice, calls her a dark horse. (Before the end of the night I want her to say “Luke I am your father.”) Simon didn’t like the end of the song, and when he says there is a limit to her vocal, she’s like oh no you din’t, you better recognize! Ryan tells her she was great but seems a little bit scared of her right now. Syesha gives the Xena-like vibe despite the beaming smile.

Chikezie gets the stool with Ryan and waxes philosophical about ballads and getting ripped a new one for doing them. His jacket and shirt do not match. On his vid, he talks about his birthday which is September 11th; bet his sixteenth birthday sucked. His mom talks about his childhood and the first time he sang “Stand by Me.” Her enthusiasm is very infectious, and I just realized that the moms have done most the talking so far in the vids. Tonight Chikezie is singing “If Only for One Night” which puts him back in Luther mode. This is a nice song for him and he sings it well, barely missing a note. We have grown to expect so much more energy from him though. Velveeta-like how he shakes hands with the mosh pit girls. Overall his performance is good but I am not jumping out my chair like his mom. Randy plays the old school card and says it wasn’t hip and cool. He also does a totally unnecessary comparison of Chi and Syesha. Paula acknowledges he’s a throwback and liked his rendition. Simon says he sang well but did a cheesy performance. Mouthy Chi is back and staring daggers, which is never a good idea. Simon and Randy agree that they miss his exuberant personality from previous weeks. I adore this guy and hope that he sticks around longer. His face looks so crestfallen that I feel bad for him. Awww Chi!

Everyone’s favorite nanny, Brooke is next and she gets teary in her video talking about her family. Her gorgeous mom talks about how impressed she was when Brooke learned to play the piano on her own. Brooke really is all about family and her pride in them shines through. At the piano tonight, she sings the stalker song “Every Breath You Take” by The Police. This is one of my least favorite songs, even before it was made into the anthem for that dead rapper guy. (It peeves me when an artist “samples” another singer’s work, even with permission.) At any rate, Brooke has a misstart but gets right back on track and recovers seamlessly. She is definitely the most mature and professional performer in the competition this year. Her hair looks good flattened and straightened but doesn’t fit her personality as well. Her black dress is pretty in a church secretary kinda way; she is a lovely young lady and her modesty is very refreshing. I like everything about Brooke as a matter of fact, especially the silver high heels. Randy mentions the start-over and says her gig was just a’ight. Paula likes it better than last week and reminds her that she has her own niche. Simon thinks that she should have ditched the band and stuck with the piano solo throughout. Thankfully she is not overly chatty tonight even during Ryan time.

Quick shot to the audience reveals that terminator Cameron is back from the future; no wait, it’s her look-alive Amy Davis, the first female ejectee from this year’s top 24.

After the break, we are told about the Design Your Own Coke Cup contest. Ryan reminds us of the perils of live television when he completely pours drink all over himself. Poor little metro guy, he is so freaking out right now while a bemused Simon and zappy Paula look on in both dismay and glee.

In his video, Michael borrows one of Ace Young’s beanies as he talks about being a well- balanced Libra. His mother says that he was very competitive as a child. Michael loved tennis until age 15, when music found him. Good for him and good for us. Tonight he finally reveals the tuff stuff he’s made of. He starts out the Queen anthem “We Will Rock You” and quickly goes into “We are the Champions.” I loved these songs in high school; they were played at every single ballgame and pep rally. Although Michael is no Freddie, that’s okay because no one is. Michael holds his own and does an ab fab job with the song; even the backdrop lighting is wondrous. He looks great too, although why he borrowed a vest from the grandpa collection is a mystery. The crowd does not want to stop cheering; they are as glad as we are that Mr. Johns has at last had his moment. Randy gets to tell him that finally Michael believes in himself and gave his best performance. Paula agrees that it was his shining moment and we can all shut our mouths now. Simon says he saw star potential for the first time and further states that it was the only memorable performance of the evening so far. Ryan looks so tiny next to Michael as he says to visualize winning to this stadium song. Mike’s vest would so totally go better with the outfit Ryan is wearing.

Carly is a Virgo like me, just another reason to like her, heh. She talks about how she likes to read and is very articulate. Her beautiful mom explains that she named her daughter after Carly Simon who was playing on the radio when she was on the way to the hospital. Tonight Carly sings one of my favorite 80s songs, the angst-fest “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” Who can forget the video with Bonnie Tyler in the creepy mansion with all the other weird inhabitants? They made really symbolic music videos back in the day. While Carly’s version is just as good as the original, vocal-wise, she seems overwrought tonight. The back-up singers are good but it would have sounded better with a guy doing the “turn around bright eyes” part. Carly looks pretty but tense and somewhat on the edge. The last couple notes go way into Star Search screecher territory, although the audience seems to love it. Randy didn’t like the note at the end and didn’t think it was the right song for her. Paula totally disagrees and says that Carly can sing anything and convince Paula to go buy it. Simon picks up on the tension during the performance, and every molecule from Carly seems to scream “I was in the B3 last week you twit!” Ryan manages to get a smile and even a giggle out of the lovely Irish lass, so hopefully all is well.

Ryan chats with Disney David about missing “normal” school routines, especially the dances. He reluctantly talks about the possibility of going to the prom with the cute girl who is sitting next to his ball-capped dad. In his video, David talks about his large family, and the pictures show that he was always a cutie patootie. His mother talks about how much everyone loves him in spite of his bad dancing that they show in the home movies. Tonight he is singing a song that I don’t recognize at first until My Hubby says that it’s a Heart song. Actually Heart did a cover of “You’re the Voice” but David is doing the version by some Australian guy. Since I adore tiny David I want to like everything he does, but this is way too Disney-theme-parkish. I expect Mickey and Minnie to come out on stage for the finale of this Up With People-like song. Randy and Paula don’t recognize the tune but Randy says DD has mad skills. Paula nags that an American composer would have been nice, but Archie can sing the phone book and it would be great. (How exactly does one sing the phone book anyway? I have often wondered about that very thing.) Simon says exactly what I did, that he expected Disney characters to pop up any moment. He goes on to state that he didn’t think David chose that song for himself. Could the stage dad rumors be true then?

Commercials – I love Jack Black, especially in School of Rock but why is he doing a cell phone ad?? Must be some good moola in that biz.

Our favorite cowgirl Kristy is next and she is very endearing in her video, talking about how she was born smiling. Her parents reveal she started singing when she was two, and sang in the car all the time when they traveled. In a very strategic move, tonight she is singing the Lee Greenwood classic “God Bless the USA.” Clever girl our cage fighter. She knows she is near ‘bout to the end of her AI experience and is milking this for all it’s worth. We all know that she can sing “Amazing Grace” well, and can now add this to the short list of songs done well by KLC. Randy mentions pitchiness but says it was good, especially for her. Paula says that she has heard her do better (like when Paula?) and echoes the pitch issues. Simon says it was her best performance by a mile, to Kristy’s delight. He calls her on the total BS of song choice; she’s not pulling the wool over his veddy British eyes. Like anyone in America is going to vote her off after that show of patriotism. The more I think about this, the more contrived it seems. After all, she is a country singer who has already recorded an album, so why not do a girl country song tonight? There are a ton of them to choose from in 1984; I remember because it was the year I got married. Anyway, Ryan rightfully says that KLC is beaming and why shouldn’t she? She is still right up there on that stage.

For no apparent reason, Ryan introduces Rocker David from the audience. Dave says that when he was a baby, his large forehead looked like a Marvel Comics character. That comment made me like him ten times more. His mom talks about when he first started playing the guitar as a cute little boy in his short shorts. Tonight he is rocking out on the emo version of Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean.” I am glad that Ryan mentioned that Dave is doing the Chris Cornell take on this song, but let’s hope it’s not as high-strung as that interpretation. He starts off gently and his voice is excellent, better than ever. Just as we get used to restrained Dave, he kicks it into overdrive and gives me chills with the power notes. Wow for a thousand years; My Kid does not know what she’s missing tonight with her fave guys. And there is no evidence of MJ in this “joint,” thank goodness. Somehow by doing a “cover of a cover” of a classic, Mr. Cook has turned this song into his very own and it works. Randy tells Dave that it’s molten hot and he could win the whole lot. (Again, Randy with the poetry.) Paula is still in standing-ovation mode and mumbles something, not sure if she even knows what she’s saying at this point. Simon tells him that his performance was brave and amazing, and Dave totally loses his stuff. He is happy, Ryan is happy, and so are we.

Recap time… Thankfully there was something good about each performance tonight; no one was howling-dog bad. This is the top ten after all, and supposedly the best crop of contestants ever, so say TPTB.

The best ones tonight were definitely Rocker Dave with Michael a close second. Carly was awesome as usual but needs to dial down the nervous breakdown-ness.

If there is any justice in this world, Chikezie will not be the one to leave the show tomorrow. Based on tonight’s performance “Alone,” pardon the pun, Ramiele should exit but we all know that she is here to stay. KLC has more lives than Garfield and Morris put together so we are stuck with her, too. So I fear for my man Chikezie. That is my prediction anyway.

“So it is written. So it shall be done…” (Yes, DeMille’s classic Moses movie is still fresh in my mind.)

Quotes:
Ryan: Are you feeling better? …did you have the flu?
Ramiele: No, I didn’t have the flu; it just went bye bye…
Ryan: The voice went bye bye? Well, let’s get it back back … vote for Ramiele if you want to see her back back…

Simon (to Jason): That was the equivalent of busking outside the subway station.

Ryan: Lots of pots stirring here at the judges table tonight. Randy with extra security please when he leaves…

Ta 'til the 'morrow...

Random Thoughts

It suddenly occurred to me, out of the clear blue sky, that guess what? Not everybody is a southern-born middle-aged white woman with a teen aged daughter. Can you believe that? Yeah, weird.

In other words, not everyone who reads this blog is going to understand the various modern slang, southernisms, pop culture references, often used judge quips, and other vernacular that sometimes find their way into my ramblings.

So, for your educational benefit, here is a hodgepodge glossary of terms, phrases, references, acronyms and the definitions thereof. Enjoy.

ab fab – absolutely fabulous
a’ight – the Randy word for “all right”
A.C.L.pUke – demonstrating very liberal qualities
addled – very confused
a’la – such as; in the way of
a-whole-nother – an entirely different matter
Ann & Nancy – the Wilson sisters of super 70s band Heart

B3 – bottom 3
beyotchy – to act in a way that rhymes with witchy
BFF – best friends forever
Blake-ish – resembling the style of Blake Lewis from last season
bless your heart – compassionate way of saying “oh you poor thing!”
B-tard – politer way of calling someone a bad name
burn you a new one – to get ripped off badly; get a bad deal

can’t hear anything except the violins – means that the sad story is getting annoying (like in sad movies when the violins are playing)
cannon fodder – those contestants that don’t have a chance of making it beyond the top 24
cave dwellers – those who do not have a lot of knowledge of pop culture
CCM – Contemporary Christian Music
Chicken Little – nickname for season 5’s Kevin Covais
coma-inducing – a song or performance that is very boring
crazillion (and other made up crazy numbers) – an exaggerated way of saying “a lot” or “a large number”
CRS – can't remember “stuff"

Daughtry-like – resembling the style of Chris Daughtry from season 5
Dion-ish – performing in the style of Celine Dion
disses – is disrespectful; speaks out against
DL – the down low; keeping something quiet
Do what Bubba? or Bubba what? – borrowed from the late great Lewis Grizzard, a phrase meaning “I do not understand, please explain”
don’t make me lie – I do not know; don't ask me
don’t make me stop this car! – stop arguing! behave!

Earth to... – pay attention to me please; focus!
elsewhere to be – somewhere else to go
embarrassification – extreme embarrassment and humiliation
emo – “emotive hardcore” style of music; also used to describe teen angst
ep – short for episode

F&F – friends and family
fake-mercial or faux-mercial – the Ford vehicle videos made by the contestants that start during top 12 week and shown on elimination night
fals’ – short for falsetto, a higher register of vocal
fiddle-fart around – to waste time
filler fodder – unnecessary fluffy ways to fill time on the show when it is running longer than needed
‘flicted – short for afflicted; acting crazy
frenemy – a friend who is also a rival

Get out! – you are kidding me!
give slap out – exhausted and need to rest
glompage – giving a big hug, usually unexpected and for no reason
go all Dr. Phil – wants to talk about feelings
gracious plenty – a lot of; enough
Grandpa collections – old-fashioned hats and other attire
GGW – when female contestants act like those in the Girls Gone Wild vids

half-tard – someone who is only halfway mentally challenged
having a Happy Bunny moment – feeling like one of the sayings on a Happy Bunny poster (usually something sarcastic and/or a bit crude; my favorite is “Not listening!”)
heh – filler word that means the preceding sentence was meant in sarcastic jest
hellllooooo – word used to say “this is what I am trying to explain, do you understand it now?”
hmmph – so there!
Ho’wood – short for Hollywood

idge – politer way of saying idiot
“If I’m being honest...” or “I don’t mean to be rude, but...” – clear indication that Simon is going to say something very critical
ISH – Danny Noriega’s way of saying “somewhat” or “so-so”
Ix-nayed from the oh-shay – pig Latin for “nixed from the show”

J.D. – juvenile delinquent; acting immaturely
Jedi mind trick – from Star Wars; to try to use power to influence others
jist of the matter – “what this means is…”
JK – just kidding
joint – what Randy calls a song

kaflooey – nonsense; ridiculous
kilt – past tense of kill, but used in a postive way (Rocker Dave kilt that Hello song!)
kind of sense that’s not – defies logic; makes no sense

lost-weekending – to spend the entire weekend in a vegetative state
Luther mode – performing in the style of Luther Vandross

me too neither – I agree or disagree (whichever applies)
metro or metrosexual – term applied to a straight man who is prissy and fastidious about his appearance
Mindy Doo – Melinda Doolittle, last year’s sweet and humble contestant who never missed a single note
money spot or pimp spot – nickname of the last position of a performance show
moola – slang for money
MYOB – mind your own business

natch – short for naturally
near ‘bout – almost
negly – negative; not factual
news from the file marked DUH – a Buffy quote that means “this is very obvious”

OCD – to act in a way that may be a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder
old-fangled – old-fashioned, somewhat prudish
OMG – Oh my God
overly – too much; excessive

panties in a wad – upset; in a bad mood
Pathetic much? – aren't you the pathethic one? (almost any word can be used with the much at the end for emphasis)
pimpage – when one contestant is promoted heavily by having more air time than the others
plum – very, as in “I am plum tired”
posse – group of friends
pulling a Whitney – performing in the style of Whitney Houston

quarterwit – someone who has no sense of humor
quasi-modo – almost but not quite like the original; faker
quipster – someone who is witty

reckon – to wonder or question
red Coke cups – perpetually at the judges’ table but is it really Coke or something else?
ripped you a new one – got yelled at; heavily criticized
R-tard – politer way of saying someone is mentally challenged
ruirnt – means that something is ruined; if ruined beyond repair, say plum ruirnt

shut yer pie hole – stop complaining
snarkage – providing acerbic commentary but usually in a funny way
spot of doom – nickname given to the spot of the one who goes first on performance night
STHU – Shut the Heck Up
sticktoitiveness – the ability to persevere; to continue on with a task or project
sue me – used whenever I am writing about something that is sure to annoy someone (most likely My Kid)
sumpin sumpin – the extra added thing that makes something special

tat’ – short for tattoo
thank-you-very-much – an “aha” or “so there!” comment; “this is my opinion and I can not be swayed no matter what you say”
that dog won't hunt – that will not work; not a good plan
TIIC – The Idiots In Charge, the producers, those who run the show (when I am being snarky)
TMI – Too Much Information
TMTH – Too Much To Handle; Danny used this one
TPTB – The Powers That Be, the producers, those who run the show (when I agree with them)
True dat – a true and correct statement
TTFN – ta ta for now
‘tude – short for attitude, usually referring to a bad one

uber/ultra – the best, the ultimate
unbeknownst – had no knowledge of
uppity – snobby; conceited

Val-speak – to talk like an 80s era Valley Girl
vanilla rock – soft rock, usually bland
Velveeta-like – cheesy performance

what’s the 411?/what’s the sitch? – what is going on?
wouldn’t strike a lick at a snake – extremely lazy
WTH – what the heck?

Xena-like – a tough girl who is capable of butt kicking, like the Warrior Princess
X-Files-ish – having a science-fiction element

y’all – all of you; not ever to be used as a singular, only collective
yada yada yada – skipping over the boring parts; going on and on about nothing
Yo dawg – a Randy greeting
you better recognize! – “show me some respect because I deserve it and will hurt you”

zappy – being happily inebriated (see red Coke cups)
zero hour – deadline; the time is near

American Idol 7 - Gone But Not Forgotten

Amanda Overmyer, Two-Toned Rock & Roll Biker Nurse

From her very first audition in Atlanta, the judges were taken with the “rocker chick” who is also a respiratory nurse and drives a Harley. Amanda became one of our very favorites, and we were glad when she made it through the Hollywood rounds and into the Top 24.

Amanda says that all she really cares about is staying true to herself and her rock–n–roll roots, and that being on American Idol was like being a “square peg in a round hole.” She is just as happy performing in a local bar in her hometown, but here’s hoping that we won’t have to go to Indiana to see her perform again.

From her AI home page:
Q: What’s been your toughest obstacle in life?
A: This. I am learning that to go out of my comfort zone can be beneficial and a growing experience. I am scared to death to quit my job to pursue this. I am not used to not being in control - this is definitely a learning experience.

From her EW exit interview:
Q: Sometimes you had this look on your face like “What the heck am I doing here?” Is that what you were feeling?
A: I thought that every day. But I wouldn't have gotten recognized if I had not done the show. I don't have it in me to come to L.A. and beat the pavement to be a rock star. That's why I went to college and got a mortgage and got a career.

In her AOL interview she says that she doesn’t think the younger voters related to her, and that she would not have fit in on the tour. Not unexpectedly, she did not enjoy the group performances.

In People, she says: “Success to me is a strong healthy family and success in whatever job you do and I wouldn’t have it in me if this is just 15 minutes of fame. I’m not going to chase it my whole life trying to get it back. I’ll take it for what it is and move on. Hopefully, it’s not. Hopefully I can make a career out of this, but it’s not going to be that unicorn that I keep chasing.”

Keeping in touch... Amanda’s AI page

Fan web page

It’s “The End” for One of the Top 11

March 19, 2008

Did we do enough to save our favorite contestants from elimination? Inquir-Ryan minds want to know!

Ryan tells us that this season’s mentors will be: country legend Dolly Parton, Randy’s own Mariah Carey, Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber and “I am I cried” Neil Diamond. What a diverse group. I can’t wait for Dolly week, have loved her since childhood. My Kid says “wow she looks so good to be like, a thousand.” True dat.

They are bringing back the songwriter contest since “This is My Now” was such a mega hit last year. Not. Okay well, Ryan says that the album that features it has been certified gold, so I guess he fixed my little red wagon.

Beatles medley alert!! Little David first on the guitar weeping song, then Jason and Dave, Chi and Michael on the steps. So far, not so terrible. Until the attempt to harmonize begins. Then it’s Brooke not being fab, Rami being silent, Carly being great. Syesha being breathy and diva-like, the camera missing KLC but she sounds decent, Amanda not caring about being there at all. They stab “Harmony” in the heart more times than Spike did in season four of BTVS.

Quick flash to audience shows Chicken Little all growed up and JPL, the “pen salesman” guy. Yes, you can go home again.

Reminder of who sang what… Amanda don’t know how lucky you are, Dave had a one way ticket out, Michael read the news about a lucky man, Carly was singing in the dead of night, Jason pretending to know and love Michelle, Syesha’s troubles seemed so far away, Kristy had to hide her love and voice but not her legs away, Brooke said it’s all right little darling, Chi harmonica’ed it up in the house, Rami really should have known better with a hat like that, tiny David has traveled the long winding road to winner of season seven.

Announcing one of the bottom three (B3)… Brooke is safe but still too chatty and no one told her which cushy seat to take. Carly is B3. No freaking way. This is ridiculous and the judges agree.

Paula’s fake hair is so pretty. Carly needs to find out who does Paula’s ‘dos. Just a random thought as we learn Disney David is safe. Michael is shocked to learn he is safe.

Carly sits in the metal chair and cries and cries. I have to go find some Excedrin because this show makes my head have pain.

Next we not only have the Ford fake-mercial but the “Making Of” documentary of the car-mercial. Wow, it’s AI behind the scenes. Not sure where they were supposed to go with this – they are dressed like the 50s but driving modern day SUVs while pretending to be making a sci-fi movie from the black and white days of the 20s. The best thing is when Michael says he gave a “Susan Lucci kind of performance.” That was awesome. Rocker Dave is funny also, playing director with his bullhorn.

Back to the countdown… poor Carly, so not deserving to be on the B3 side. Rocker Dave is safe. And still smug. KLC is B3. More news from the file marked DUH. Thank goodness they’re not making all 3 of the bottom sing tonight.

Jason and his dreads are safe and ready to tour already. Rami has sweaty hands and pretty hair and is safe.

The biggest time waster on television since Wife Swap is next. Those stupid viewer phone calls. Someone wants to know why Simon doesn’t dress better. He has a million dollar car though, so who cares about his boring wardrobe?

Next call refers to the yucky reminder of the season two kiss of Simon and Paula, and I am so glad I missed that episode. This is boring and stupid so My Kid and I make plans for her spring break, which we call EASTER vacation. She is having friends over which is always fun and exciting, way better than these lame calls.

Now it’s time for the Idol Comes Back portion of the show. Ryan introduces Kellie Pickler who has “grown” so much since she was on AI season 5. Oh Ryan, you so silly. I am not a Kellie fan, I don’t like country music, so Pickler’s appearance tonight is not a big deal for me. She nasally sings her hit “Red High Heels,” and she is a much more seasoned performer now. Kellie is prettier too but the sparking personality is still there. Funny how she sings the “I bet you want me back now don’t you” line right to Simon.

Time to plug Idol Gives Back. Part 2 will be bigger and better. They show footage of Fantasia and my man Elliott Yamin when they went to Africa to distribute mosquito nets to the folks there. It’s hokey and heartwarming and makes me cry, especially when Fantasia sings “Amazing Grace.” Elliott has a god child that is named after him and I love him even more now.

Back to the last of the B3… Sysehsa is safe. Chikezie and Amanda are left, and Chi is the safe one. Amanda is B3.

Finally Carly is sent to the cushy couches to join the rest of the we-are-the-tour crowd. It is now down to Countrified Kristy and Joplinized Amanda.

KLC is so shocked that she is the one that’s safe that Amanda has to point to the cushy couches to indicate where she needs to go.

Amanda is cool, calm and collected and looks very gorgeous tonight. It’s the best she’s ever looked on the show. Guess she knew it was her night to leave and she wanted to go out in style.

Her “Celebrate Me Home” video shows her having a “fun ride” with lots of devil horns and Gene Simmons tongue-hanging-out moments. She rocks out USSR again and back to Indiana she goes. Predictably she is pragmatic about the whole thing and is proud of making it this far.

Too bad she won’t be on the tour; missed it by one slot. Crap. She would have been the extra added sumpin sumpin that they need this summer.

Looking back at tonight’s group medley and Amanda’s one solo line - “And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” Prophetic much?

As the rocker nurse would say: Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah! Too bad AI will go without Amanda.

I Heard the Final 11 Today, Oh Boy

March 18, 2008

A well-lit Ryan, way up in the tech-y metal rafters, declares: “Tonight, by popular demand, the number one show in the country celebrates the number one band of all time. We’re back with The Beatles.” Loosely translated, this means “The Powers That Be have not recouped their investment in those songs yet, so welcome to Beatles Night 2.”

It’ll take two hours to sing 11 songs so we get prepared for major filler fodder. Ryan oh … so … slowly introduces himself, the band, the contestants, the judges, the stage hands, his great aunt Sally, and the first 28 teenagers in the mosh pit.

Randy is already yawning and little wonder. Pass me some NoDoz, because my Vault Zero is not kicking in yet. Perhaps the glitter and sparkle of Paula’s shirt will keep us all alert. Simon appears bored as usual, even when Ryan teases him about the SIMON is SEXY sign in the audience.

They show another montage of music legends Lennon and McCartney, this time including all of The Beatles. To paraphrase Greg Behrendt, I am just not that into them. Even cave dwellers have at least heard of this group, although in different ways. As My Kid watches Paul in the montage, she asks “isn’t he the guy who was married to the one-legged lady on Dancing With the Stars?” Kids today! Do they not learn anything in History class?

Tonight the contestants will reveal in the pre-performance video their most memorable American Idol moment so far.

Amanda is first (in the spot of doom) and she talks about how she still needs to give Robbie his head scarf back, and that the big stage is better than the flatbed trucks she is used to performing on. She likes the big crowd, bright lights and rockin’ band. We are reminded of Amanda with the Lily Munster hair and Beetlejuice pants. Tonight she is singing “Back in the USSR,” a song that reminds me of the movie Heartbreakers, one of my favorite comedies. Hopefully Amanda will do a better job than Max Conners disguised as the Russian Olga. Our biker nurse rocks it from the very beginning and the band sounds great. Midway gets kinda rough and she seems disconnected and plays with her hair a bit. Am glad that she says Moscow boys instead of girls; am just old-fangled that way. My Kid likes her outfit and now wants to go to Hot Topic at the mall. It still creeps me how much Amanda and My Kid look alike. Randy says, “I've gotta give you a 7 out of 10 on that one.” Paula mentions something about her being “ahead of the beat” but we did not catch that mistake. She adds, “when you connect you are quintessential, authentic, who-you-are.” Simon plays the “predictable” and “it was a mess” cards which leads Amanda to proclaim “Ballads are boring!” Oops, she just affronted Archuleta fans everywhere. The jist of Amanda is simply that she’s a rocker chick and if all she does is the bar scene in Indiana, that is just fine with her.

Next up, Kristy gets the chat stool with Ryan and she looks pretty, as always. She is in “cowgirl goes to the prom” mode. They yak and giggle and look at pictures of her animals and make fun of Simon and Randy. Poor Randy is like, dawg what did I do? In her video, Kristy talks about deservedly being in the bottom three 747 times so far this season, and how she knows that both Hernandez and Asia’h are better singers. Probably Alexandrea too and definitely Alaina. The only one worse so far this season has been Amy Davis. Tonight she is singing a song that she learned five minutes ago called “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away.” I really want to like this girl’s voice because obviously she is like the AI version of the Highlander and John Amsterdam: freakin’ immortal. But there are parts of the song that are so howling-dog bad that the mute button on my remote is now my best friend. So weird how she smiles through a song that is about the pain of lost love. Because she’s showing some leg, Randy is wishy-washy with his review but finally gets out that it “should have been a little bit more emotional from you.” Paula plays the “gorgeous” card and echoes Randy’s “safe.” To random boos, Simon calls it “musical wallpaper” that “you notice it, but you can't remember it.” At least Kristy proves she is no Haley Scarnato 2.0 when she says she wishes her dress was a little longer.

Little David is up next, hopefully to redeem himself from the forgetfulness fiasco of last week. Of course, he mentions that very incident in his video, although he has definitely done some things to be proud of as well. Mostly, his version of “Imagine,” by John Lennon of just-who-are-these-Beatles-of-whom-you-speak? Adorable David even says, “Dang it!” like the good Mormon boy from Utah that he is. Tonight he sings “The Long and Winding Road” which is definitely long and maybe winding. Sweet David is exactly like Melinda Doolittle this week, only the teenaged white boy version of her. He does not miss one single note and we are so proud of him. My Kid thinks that he is so cute and little and if they make a Webkinz of him, can she have one? Randy says that David “brought the hotness back to his game tonight” but that he could “take liberties on a joint like that” and do runs and what-not. Didn’t these exact same judges just tell Kristy to stick to the ever-loving melody?? Anyways, Paula mumbles something about his purity and that “challenge doesn't build character, it reveals character,” which is true. Simon applauds the cutie, calls him “amazing” and declares that it was a “master class.” The “Archies” in the mosh pit go wild to Ryan’s disgruntledness. David is giggly and breathless and one day will grow into an extremely handsome man. Until then, he’ll be the pride and joy of AI7.

Ryan does a pathetic iPhone commercial right on the stage, and I can not wait to see how Joel McHale will make fun of him on The Soup this Friday. Cheers, judges; cheers indeed.

Finally back to the action… Michael borrows one of Rocker Dave’s hats while doing his vid this week. He reminds us that his favorite moment of the show so far is when he did “Bohemian Rhapsody” during Hollywood week. He has yet to recapture that awesomeness and is hoping to claim it tonight. Michael is doing the song that Taylor did during the finale last year, “A Day in the Life.” I never thought that I would say that Taylor Hicks did something better than anybody, but there ya go. Although there are parts of the song that are not horrible, this is a bit like Kristy from earlier tonight. Michael is so easy on the eyes that you really want him to sing equally well, but it’s just not working out so far. The song’s lyrics are strange and don’t seem to go together, but this may be due to the editing. Randy waffles for awhile; “you can just sing and let your voice do your thing.” Paula goes on for a thousand years about maybe the ear monitors are to blame for the horrid singing but helllloooo. He ain’t wearing any. Michael lets her babble for a long time before Ryan finally points out that fact. Simon maintains that “it was a mess” and “not good enough, sorry.” During Ryan banter we notice that both Seacrest and Johns are dressed in all black. This may be why Michael goes the sympathy route with the dedication-to-dead-friend explanation of song choice.

The sunshiniest gal in the whole wide world is Brooke and she is up next, dressed all in yellow. She chats with Ryan, explains to we numbskulls where Nova Scotia is, and talks about escaping the pressures of the show to spend time with her family. In her video, she says her best moment so far was having the opportunity to sing “Let it Be” last week. I love Brooke but the dress looks silly and her bangs keep falling in her eyes like a four-year-old. Aren’t caregivers always supposed to have barrettes in their pocket? Someone get her one; it’s distracting. Although she is still our “little darling,” she is not doing very well tonight. Her voice is everywhere and she seems clumsy without an instrument to play. The high note toward the end was random and gawky. Randy comments that it was “really awkward for me” and she “never really connected to that song.” Brooke will NOT be quiet which is the kiss of death during critique time. Paula loves Brooke and the yellow and the “low tones” to her voice. Simon brings it home with “I just knew ... that you'd be dressed in yellow and the lighting would be yellow” and he thought the “performance was terrible.” Brooke encourages the audience to stop booing and Simon can’t get a word in edgewise. Someone please tell her to STHU! And stop biting her lips. And get her bangs trimmed. And ditch that atrocious dress. Whatever. We still adore the nanny lady.

Next we learn that Seacrest + Mosh Pit = Disaster. Another uncomfortable moment brought to us by iTunes.

Rocker Dave is next and via video, he speaks of being invincible and so hot he burns his own self on the rock concert lights and smoke. I expect him to break out into the “I’m too sexy for my shirt” song. My Kid goes wild, because she loves Dave and his high-collared jacket and straight-ironed hair and the AC on his guitar. Tonight he sings the Whitesnake version of “Day Tripper” and he is stunningly good as usual. It is like watching a different show when he is performing even though the voice box thing was Frampton-lite. Although he conveys the smug ‘tude that so many naysayers proclaimed Daughtry had two years ago, the dude can rock his combover off. Randy declares that “it was another solid look for David Cook.” (Poet and didn’t know it.) Paula says that “you’re ready to go sell records” and mentions the GEICO commercials, heh. You can tell that Simon and Dave will never be BFF’s – David mentions that he just learned to use the voice decoder thingy yesterday and Simon snarks, “That was obvious.” When it’s finally Simon’s turn he says, “I don't think that was as good as you thought it was” and “you looked a bit smug throughout.” Some smugness may get knocked out when Ryan makes David fall, although My Kid says that it was on purpose. Ryan proves way too cool to speak into a voice box that already has someone else’s germs on it. OCD much?

Only because they have to pass the time with some kind of filler that doesn’t involve hawking products, Ryan converses with the judges at their table. There is nonsensical talk of sparrows and blackbirds and oil and it’s just stupid. Only Randy is articulate if you can even believe that.

Carly is up next and she reminisces about her favorite moments on the show (both this year and two years ago), when Simon compared her to Kelly Clarkson. We like Carly and think she has an incredible voice but she is very hit and miss style-wise. Tonight it’s all misses, with the mom-hair and grandma-going-to-a-tea-party-in-Hawaii-blouse. She sings a song I have never heard before called “Blackbird” and it’s the song that the judges were just rambling about. It’s pretty and delicate but then she blows it with the unnecessary power notes. My Kid reiterates the Nightwish comparison. Randy tells Carly that it was “very nice, very controlled” and invents the word “cooliosis” just for her. Gee, sounds like hot flash disease or something, thanks Rand. Paula says that “the arrangement was beautiful” and compliments her “amazing tone.” When Simon says that “I thought the song was indulgent,” Carly is truly offended. She goes on and on about why the song is just like her life when her wings were broken and the other contestants were poor little homeless birds living in their cars and just wanting to break into the music industry. Simon says that she has made him uncomfortable. Well, his chest rubbing makes us uncomfortable so whatev. Carly goes into fandom mode with glee for awhile. Then she shows the latest tattoos on her fingers and although he would never admit it, Ryan thinks tats are so uncool and icky.

More eye candy with Jason and his dreads and pretty face. In his video he tells us incongruously that his favorite moment so far was when he totally blew the last note of “Hallelujah” and the lame-headed judges thought it was the awesomest anyway. Dude! Tonight he sings “Michelle” and he has no grasp of the meaning of the song, the French language, that “ma belle” does not mean “my bell,” The Beatles, or romantic intimacy. Bless his heart, he is another of the contestants that’s lost without an instrument to play while singing. Jason seems to be very aware of his failings as always, which makes him likeable. My Kid has deemed Monsieur Castro as her préféré and everything he does is simply parfait. There is no doubt that he is splendide and doué. Randy just doesn’t know what to say, he “didn’t get it” and it was “just aw’right.” Paula is funny with “it was an intimate song that became more like a polka.” Mr. States-The-Obvious decrees that maybe they shouldn’t have done Beatles Nombre Deux. He didn’t like the song, however he tells Jason “you’re very charming and you're not obnoxious” and that he has the “goofiness that makes it work.” Ryan almost blows Jason’s mind by suggesting that they give out his voting phone numbers in French. The little mosh pit girls will not hush long enough for them to do the numbers in any language. Oh how jealous I am of them. Dude!

With visions of lava-like-Coke-screen-savers behind them, Ryan and Syesha chat on the silver stools. She looks incredibly gorgeous tonight in a long green dress and earrings the size of my coffee table. She gives a shout out to her visiting family, reminding us of the story of her dad during her audition in Miami. Syesha is so pretty in her video as she talks about losing her voice in Hollywood. Her moment of truth came last week when she was in the bottom three and it was just the “kick in the butt” that she needed. Tonight she sits on the stage with the guitar player and sings “Yesterday.” Her dress is low-cut but the big blue box with her name and number pops up just in time to hide the somewhat massive cleavage. Syesha holds her own with a lovely rendition of the song, only adding a couple of high notes to prove that she can. Randy says that “you took some liberties” and “very, very good performance tonight.” Paula adds that it was good that “you let yourself be vulnerable” and reminds her that it was a good thing to do. Underlying message is to “get off thee high horse of all thou thatness.” The kudos to the guitar player was a nice touch. Simon massacres her name but tells her that it “was probably your best performance so far.” He mentions that it was very Eva Cassidy-like which reminds me to order that late singer’s music on amazon before the night is over.

While Ryan tries to explain iTunes to someone’s grandpa, we await my favorite crazy man, Chikezie. His most memorable moment was in Hollywood when he was complimented by all three judges and got all excited. Oh, and his running/jumping/Ryan-touched-me time from last week. Sweaty Times at American Idol High, coming soon from Cameron Crowe. Tonight Chi is singing a love song called “I’ve Just Seen a Face.” It’s slow and dreamy and simple and he is back in Luther mode. Until! He breaks out the harmonica, ramps the song up and countrifies it like grits with Sunday breakfast. It’s not as good as last week but at least it’s different and “I’m falling oh I’m falling” for Mr. Eze all over again! This is the antithesis of KLC’s countrifying last week. GO CHI!!! Randy says that “it sounded like it could make a good country song.” Paula adds that “I get a whole scope of who you are and I love it.” Simon misuses the word “literally” again, he really needs to look it up. He says it “started off okay” but turned “gimmicky” by the end. Then Simon takes a swipe at poor Billy Ray Cyrus who never hurt anyone, just sang (and danced) meh while looking fab. Chikezie is a solid performer, looks handsome tonight and keeps his cool during the review. We like him even more now that we read he’s a “born-again Christian” and hope that he’s in this contest for the long haul.

The money spot tonight goes to Ramiele, who explains to us in her video that the very best thing about American Idol is making all those friends. We see her with Mama Brooke and Brother Cook and she seems so sweet that you can’t help but like her. Last week she dedicated her slow song to the dearly departed (from the show) Danny and Colton. To keep from boring us like last week, tonight she is singing an up-tempo song called “I Should Have Known Better.” This song is about a boy but really should be about her atrocious outfit. She has one of Brother Cook’s hats and is wearing a light yellow tee with a corset. It is very strange and she is way too cute for such hideous attire. She sings well though which is the more important thing. Her voice is pleasant, although she seems to always be searching for the karaoke screen with follow-the-bouncing-ball lyrics. Randy says that she “showed that confidence I know is in there.” Paula wants her to get back into ballads and refers to the Dusty Springfield song from a few weeks ago. A confused Ramiele says she promises to get right back into the box they told her to get out of last week. Simon disses her for choosing a “mediocre song” but adds that “you've got a fantastic personality and “you're lots of fun.” Suddenly tall Ryan comforts little Rami but not for long, since they are running out of time. He whispers something to her; probably wants to borrow the corset.

Recap time and the Davids were the best. Everyone else was just so-so to bad. My pick to leave tomorrow is Kristy Lee Cook, please America. Have a bad feeling that we’ll be in for a shocker. Way too much talking by Carly and Brooke; they need to learn to hush and just stand there. Historically speaking being a Chatty Cathy just loses you votes. (Chris Sligh anyone?)

Quotes from tonight:

Ryan (regarding the Simon is Sexy sign in the audience): “I see you’re holding sign-making class at your house again.”

Amanda (in her vid, discussing the song she’s singing tonight): “I’ll tease it up really high and throw some black eyeliner on it.”

Kristy (to Simon): “I can blow you out of your socks and you know it.”

Simon (to Carly regarding her explanation of the Blackbird song): “I think you're all broken birds now.”

Simon (to Jason): Where you're lucky is this is a TV show and not a radio show, because your face sold that.

Simon (regarding Chikezie’s song): It turns into ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ at the end…
Chikezie: Achy Breaky was a hit…
Paula: Achy Breaky sold a lot of records…
Simon: Not a song to be proud of though…

Simon (about Ramiele’s performance): “It sounded like Chikezie was on the harmonica.”

Randy: … they just need to sing these songs man, like there’s no tomorrow, Paula...
Paula: All right … we’re done …
Simon: We know the name of the record, Randy.

In a show that has such a plethora of shameless plugs, they should let Randy get a little of his own back up in there, dawg.

Tomorrow we’ll find out who will be “feeling fine” and which one will “cry instead.” Only the top 10 contestants go on the tour, so this is a biggie.

Au revoir Mademoiselle Cook? S'il vous plait?

David Hernandez, Cabaret Charmer

The first time we saw David was during Hollywood week when he did a fantastic rendition of “Love the One You’re With.” Randy said that he loved it from “note one” and Paula agreed “100 trazillion percent.” However, Simon was not won over until the semi-finals when David impressed him with “Papa was a Rolling Stone.”

Recently, David’s past was revealed in regards to a controversial job that he had as a “male entertainer.” Too bad so much emphasis was made on that and not the other accomplishments that David had made pre-AI. He was a contestant on Arizona Idol as well as a cruise ship singer. He was also part of a singing quartet called The Vinyl Four.

From his AI home page:
Q: If you couldn’t sing, which talent would you most like to have?
A: Dancing! I’m horrible at that!

From his EW exit interview: In regards to his “everything happens for a reason” comment, David says, “I think there's another door that's going to open. There's something coming up for me that’s going to be big.” He also commends Elisabeth Hasselbeck for taking up for him on The View.

In his MTV interview David discusses the pressures of being in the spotlight: “I think adversity is my best friend. I think it's something that inspires me. It makes me work harder. I don't have anything to say to the people that tried to bring me down or count me out. I just tell them, "Count me back in," because honestly, that's all you can do. In this industry, you have to have thick skin and know that people are going to say bad things about you, and if this is the worst thing that people are going to say about me in my career, then it's okay.”

His AOL exit interview reveals his plans for the future: “I'm going to shop around a record deal. I'm looking at labels who are interested in me right now and would like to have an album released in the next year. And I'm definitely keeping my mind open to ... other options. I'd love to do Broadway.”

Keeping in touch... David’s AI home page and wikipedia page.

It’s “Hello Good-bye” to One of the 12 Tonight

March 12, 2008

In a clever yet shameless cross-promotion, the cartoon Horton and his friends open the show by gathering around a TV to watch American Idol.

We expect to hear the theme from Close Encounters when Ryan comes out onto the new high tech stage. After intro’ing the judges, Ryan tells us that Jim Carrey is in the audience tonight. He is in his Horton elephant costume and although the entire plug is an eye-roller, he is very funny and entertaining.

Ryan forewarns us that next week will be Lennon-McCartney Songbook Redux. I suppose it could be worse, but we wonder why they are double-dipping like this. Maybe they did not recap the moola spent on the rights to those tunes.

Horton the elephant was more engaging that the Top 12’s medley of Beatles’ hits. Yikes, it’s a mess with only a few of the singers doing very well. To their credit, they don’t have a lot of time to learn these songs and practice the cheesy stage choreography. Only Brooke looks happy to even be there.

There is a camera shot of stubbled Sanjaya and his sis in the audience, cheering the contestants on, and My Kid goes wild.

Recap of last night… Chikezie being awesome, Carly coming together, Michael being sleepy, Syesha getting us into her life, Jason falling in love, Brooke letting it be, Ramiele missing her friends, Cabaret D. not dancing with another, Kristy countrifying, Little David blowing the words, Amanda kicking butt, Rocker Dave lamenting the lonely people.

Time for the first of the bottom 3 to be revealed… Carly is safe. Michael is safe. Jason is safe. Syesha is bottom 3. The curse of going first strikes again.

Syesha looks tired and sad but the judges agree that it would suck if she is the one going home tonight. Although she’s not been my favorite by no means, she has grown on me this week. Yes, I am fickle.

For some reason, each of the bottom 3 will sing their song again tonight. Got to fill that entire hour somehow. Syesha adds an unexpected woooooooohoooooo at the end of her song as if to say, “Eat your heart out voting public!”

The first Ford faux-mercial is next and it’s about politics and kissing babies and confetti and the contestants looking spectacular in suits set to the song “The Distance.” Wow, these kids clean up nicely.

To pass more time, we see a video about how much the “Idol Experience” has affected the contestants. They get to see movies before they even come to the theaters, live their dream, rub elbows with celebrities who now know their names, and they get to be “that guy.” Because I am somewhat crazy, watching these kids have so much fun makes me all teary. Sad knowing that 11 of them are NOT going to win, and right now there is something to enjoy about each and every one of them.

Another bottom 3 is to be announced… Ryan calls Chikezie down to the stage but it’s a psych out, he is safe. Amanda is safe. Dave and his grandpa hat are both safe. Kristy asks for her microphone before Ryan even gets a chance to tell her she has to sing.

Kristy cheerily disses her own song and she seems to be a sweet natured girl. She is not as gangly or googly eyed while singing tonight but it does seem to go on for “8 days.” Simon lectures about the whole country issue and it’s hard to tell if it’s directed at Ryan or Kristy. My final analysis is that if this song had never been recorded by The Beatles it could be a hit on country radio today. Final answer.

For the first time ever, we have “interactive idol” which is quite possibly the lamest thing I have ever seen since Drew Carey took over on the Price is Right. Ryan totally ignores the older callers and goes right for the youngsters. I feel very discriminated against and plan to write an angry letter. Even My Kid says it’s rude. Because we are bored now, we notice that Paula is rocking some incredible hair extensions this evening.

Special guest Katharine McPhee sings “Something” while mega-producer David Foster plays the piano. My Kid and I vehemently disagree about Kat - I think she sings lovely and is very pretty; she thinks she is a poseur and still resents that she made it farther in season 5 than her hero Chris D. She snarks on the “tin foil” dress and says that if she had a matching hat she could signal the aliens. My Hubby is too busy drooling and does not add much to the conversation. Kat sounds and looks as beautiful as ever and kudos to her for changing the pronoun to HE in the “Something” song.

Now we’ll find out who is the last one in the bottom 3. Will it be … Jim Carrey?? Ryan has to shoo him from contestant row. Little David gets a chance to redeem himself, to mother earth Brooke’s delight. She seems happier about him than her own self being safe. LOVE her!! Ramiele will not join Danny, who is in the audience tonight. Cabaret David is the last one in the bottom 3 this week.

Mr. Hernandez does a much more low-key version of his song than last night and he looks incredible in the black shirt. Heavy sigh. My Kid says, “What a waste” and I must agree. Even though I guessed it correctly, I still don’t think that he is the one who deserves to leave the show tonight.

Can we just keep all 12 of these singers and vote off one of the judges?? Ryan says NO and after one hundred and twenty million years, we finally get to…A commercial break.

All three judges agree that this is an appropriate decision but Paula says she’s never seen a “more stronger” bottom 3. Those hair extensions sure weigh heavy on her cerebral cortex. (I love it when I can get a Buffy quote into a paragraph.)

Syesha is finally told that she is safe. After 29 million votes, Kristy is safe and Cabaret David is going home. He bravely says that “Things happen for a reason” and we will not be seeing the last of him.

The new good-bye song is “Celebrate Me Home,” sung by Ruben Studdard. David’s farewell montage reminds us that he is delightful and cute and goofy and he will be missed. Just goes to show that one overly theatrical performance (combined with juicy scandal), can get ya the boot way too early.

Tonight’s quotes:
Ryan (responding to viewer comment regarding throwing down with Simon): “I say load in the mud, I’m ready.”

Simon (response to caller who asked if Americans or British are more talented): “I will concede American singers have the most talent, however, on the judging panel – The Brits.”

Regarding the bottom 3:
Ryan (to Paula): “Where’s your head right now?”
Paula: “On my shoulders.”

Oh snap!

The Top 12 “Work it Out”

March 11, 2008

The long-awaited “Beatles Night” is here, but I do not understand the hullabaloo about AI finally getting rights to their music. A few of their songs were used in last year’s finale: the “just 17” song, the Sgt. Pepper song, “I read the news today oh boy,” the not-really-about-LSD song, the theme from The Wonder Years, maybe more that I don’t remember.

At any rate, we (the viewing audience) are not credited for having a long attention span, so maybe The Folks That Run The Show do not either.

They’ve changed the show’s opening and it’s really cool; as My Kid says, the figures look more people-like and less robot-like. I am glad that the music is the same; some things just don’t need changing. If there is life on other planets, even they recognize this theme music.

Speaking of outer space - there is a new stage and set as well and it looks like something from Titan A.E. (Or maybe a very large mobile phone store.) Very cutting edge and it is about time, too; they needed to re-invest those crazillions of dollars they are generating from the Idol machine.

Ryan has sticky-up hair and when he smiles it gleams just like in his toothpaste commercial. “Like a minty fresh snowstorm in heaven” indeed. Poor Josie is so upstaged. But I digress…

Two hour show tonight which means lots of filler fodder. Ryan shows us the “mosh pit” full of pretty girls and then teases the judges for awhile. He picks on Simon about buttoning his shirt. Seacrest is very high energy tonight; maybe his next commercial will be for Red Bull?

They bring the contestants out onto the stage so that we can all ooh and aah at how fabulous they look. Traditionally, this is the week that the stylists get to do their makeover magic.

We are reminded that this is not Beatles Night per se, but rather Songs from the Lennon/McCartney songbook. Okay. Then it’s a video montage of black and white footage and photos of the Fab 2 in various stages of being creative, talented, and high. More number one songs than anyone on the face of the planet, and we should all do the Wayne’s World “we’re not worthy” bow. I am very neutral when it comes to them, as they were pretty much before my time. When I started listening to pop music, Paul was already in Wings and John was with that Yoko person.

Anyways, here we are… flash forward to American Idol 2008. All three judges seem to be Beatles purists so they expect to hear good renditions of “enduring” songs. Funny moment when Simon gets a DUH into the conversation.

Since a lot of folks only tune into the show at this point – the Top 12 – the contestants will reintroduce themselves in the pre-performance video. Must pause here for a commentary: people who don’t watch the show until this point really do not know what they are missing. What irks me is when those who know nothing about the contestants feel they have a right to complain about them. These viewers don’t know the back-stories and haven’t made the connections yet, so they’re missing out on a lot of good stuff! It’s like being plunked down in the middle of season two of LOST and thinking that you will understand what the heck’s going on. Uh, you won’t! So – ye who have not taken the time to get to know these kids in the top 12? Shut yer pie hole about ‘em. (Standing down from soapbox now and moving on.)

First up, in the spot of doom, is Syesha who reminds us that she is a college student who is an actress on the side. Music is her passion so she’s taking a break from the other activities to pursue her dream. She looks absolutely stunning tonight; the stylists have groomed her ‘fro into a lovely sidesweep and it looks great. If AI doesn’t work out, All My Children should give Jesse & Angie a long lost daughter and let Syesha portray that role. Tonight she sings “Got to Get You Into My Life” and it starts a bit rough, as if she has just learned this song five minutes ago. She works it out by the end and this is my favorite performance of hers so far. Randy calls it an “Earth Wind & Fire arrangement” and the look on Syesha’s face is like Who? Paula can’t pronounce her name correctly, but recognizes the early pitch problems, and that “midway through you found your zone.” Simon tells her she looked nervous but that “it was better than alright.” One thing that bugs me about Syesha is the fake southern accent that she puts on during critique time. Real southern accents are bad enough (believe me, I got a big’un!), why fake one? At any rate, she has a beautiful voice and is a gifted young lady who deserves to make it through, in spite of her all-that-ness. Hopefully the curse of Brandon Rogers (remember him in the spot of doom’s top 12 last year?) will not haunt her tonight.

Cool Chikezie is up next and he’s dressed in full Carlton Banks mode tonight. He chats with Ryan in the space stools about working security at LAX. They giggle about setting up Paula when her bags are checked and no she’s not carrying any illegals. Chikezie also tells us that he fully expected to go home instead of Danny, because Noriega is such a “lovable guy.” Well, Mr. Eze YOU are adorable also, so you deserved to stay. In his vid he speaks of his job, childhood and his mom’s vast knowledge of pop music. Tonight he sings “She’s a Woman;” he starts off sitting down next to the fiddle player and it’s bluegrassy and toe-tappy. And then BAM! Chikezie my new favorite man, rocks it out with the fals’ and scatting, the whole nine yards of singing goodness. This is one of the best performances I’ve ever seen on this show in seven years. My Kid and I both double love him!! The judges agree. Randy says that he was “thoroughly entertained” and Chikezie “smashed it.” Paula likes the way he started with the O Brother Where Art Thou feel and turned it into rock. To Chi’s delight, Simon says that he “thought you were terrific!” Crazy Ryan chases him around the stage in all the excitement, rubs Chi’s head and even gets actual sweat on his little metro self. Ryan has a hard time catching his breath to call out Chikezie’s phone number. Weird times in Idol land this evening.

Next up is Ramiele who via video, we see working in the sushi restaurant filling cups with soy sauce. Naturally, My Kid is hungry for Chinese food now. Ramiele and her family all seem like delightful people, and tonight she will dedicate her song to the contestants who’ve been voted off. I’m sure she’s talking about Danny mostly, since she went from mini to major meltdown when he left. She starts out on the stairs looking up at the camera in the ceiling. Seems like it would be hard to sing like that. Anyways, she’s doing “In My Life” which is slow and sad and seems to be the kind of song that you hear at funerals and graduations. Her voice is so lovely and delicate but the song is somewhat coma-inducing. This is more heartfelt than her performances before though, and she seems to actually be connecting to the lyrics this time. Also, she looks very pretty with perfect hair and makeup. The white belt is as wide as the TV and distracts from the outfit. Nevertheless, it’s much better than the style choices from previous weeks. Randy says that “it was kind of pretty, but it was also kind of pretty boring.” Paula reminds her that she’s cute, an “amazing singer” but that she’s “holding back.” Simon says that he was “bored to tears throughout the entire song.” Sorry! Poor Rami pouts prettily and needs not to fear joining her cast off friends in the ousted section of AI history. Four words: Jasmine Trias final three.

Dreadlocked Jason is next and he talks about college life, being laid back and easygoing, and hanging with Moon Unit and Dweezil. Maybe not that last part but close enough. Flying insects buzz around his head during the video. My Kid thinks he is just the cutest thing, especially with the little yellow flower in his hair. I accidentally proclaim that I want to be twenty again, to which My Kid says ewww. Tonight he sings “If I Fell” and he is one of those who seems like he learned this song five minutes ago. He keeps it simple, nothing special, just singing and playing the guitar. Jason is not one that needs the vocal gymnastics that some of the others do. When his voice cracks a bit at the end, he grins as if he meant to do that. My Kid goes wild, as she loves the voice-cracking notes. Randy says that he didn’t like the switches in the melody but Paula disagrees. She says “what is so special and unique about you is that I do feel your heart.” Simon did not like it as much as last week but deems him okay. He adds that “it was all a little bit student-in-a-bedroom-at midnight” which Ryan finds hilarious for some reason. Jason just stands there patiently while Simon/Ryan banter part 48029 takes place. Jason got his start in MTV’s Cheyenne so during the commercial, I add season one of that reality show to my Netflix queue. Not for me, for my teenaged daughter, okay? No, really. I mean it. It’s for her.

Tattooed Carly sits with Ryan in the saucer-shaped twisty stools, chatting about the excitement of top 12 things. Her roommate is Amanda and they get along just peachy. My Kid wonders why Carly’s tattoo looks like Amy Winehouse but I don’t say Who? I have the evil website TMZ bookmarked, so even I know who that is, geesh. In her vid, Carly talks about living in San Diego but misses Ireland. Once a week she gets to sing at the pub where she works as a bartender. Tonight she does the Aerosmith version of “Come Together” which is a song that has some nasty toe-jam lyrics to it. She is raw dynamite on this song and you can tell that she is no newbie. She can sing her tattooed Irish hiney off that is for darn sure. No matter the controversy, which is such old news now, Mrs. Smithson is a contender. Her hair looks great but am not sure about the micro-mini outfit. Royal blue is a good color on Carly though; shout out to the stylists once again. Randy says that “there wasn't a note out of tune” and calls it a “stellar performance.” Paula agrees and says that “I felt like I was already watching a star.” Simon pronounces that finally she has chosen the right song and even plays the Kelly Clarkson comparison card, to Carly’s delight. It’s strange how they flash to Carly’s husband and friends in the audience but there’s nary a facial tat’ to be seen. Mainstream America welcomes you, Carly’s hubby. (That was my sarcastic voice.)

Next up is Rocker David who talks about growing up in a “quasi-quiet” suburban town. He likes being a bartender/musician but we’ve got a feeling his beer slinging days are over. Chris D. never went back to being an auto-parts-store guy, did he now? Tonight David is doing “Eleanor Rigby” sometimes known as the “all the lonely people” song. There is something about him that is a bit off-putting to me; it’s as if he knows he is all that, it’s not a secret to him. My Kid says that this is a sign of a TRUE rocker and loves him so I dare not criticize lest I get frogged. She says that he reminds her of Adam somebody, the lead singer of Three Days Grace. To his credit he does a great job with this song, even though the jumping up and “shout out to his own bad self” was not the action of a humble guy. Randy reminds him that he’s a rocker (duh) and Paula calls him “the dark horse.” This leads to mundane time-wasting chatter about thoroughbreds and stallions and donkeys. When Simon finally gets a turn, he says that for the second week running it was “brilliant.” David gets a lot of flak about his hairdo but it’s one of the few things I like about him. Guess it still bums me that no one has mentioned that David’s “Hello” moment was already covered by Incubus. I mean Hello? Daughtry got burned on the whole “Walk the Line” by Live controversy. Yeah, still bitter. Sue me.

Brooke is next and she is just the sweetest lady in the whole wide world. You can not help but love her; she is genuine and just plain NICE. She talks about being a nanny and how much she misses the twin girls she used to keep. Those nanny-ing days are so over for our Ms. White. Tonight she sings “Let it Be” while playing the piano and while it’s not vocally perfect, it is heartwarming and special nonetheless. She is a talented musician and My Hubby deems her his favorite contestant this year. Brooke tears up at the end which makes us love her even more. In the audience, a family member holds a sign that says “we heart brooke (but we miss our nanny)” and under it, there are pictures of the twins. I completely lose it and have to leave the room. Thank goodness for DVR; after rewinding, Randy says that he loves “the fact that you have all of this conviction.” Paula talks about the heart again and the “emotional connection that makes people fall in love with you.” Simon proclaims that for the third week in a row, Brooke was great and “one of the best performances of the night.” Brooke is on the same level of lovable-ness as Melinda Doolittle and Vonzell Solomon of seasons past. She listens to the critiques while standing barefoot (you can’t play piano in shoes, everyone knows that). Funny moment when Ryan gets her high heels for her which leads to much teasing by Randy and Simon.

To cheese things up a bit, Cabaret David is up next. Speaking of cheese, he talks about working in a “pizza bistro” which must be code for “night club of gayness.” Despite his past, David is a good singer and hopefully the voters will not be influenced by the stories all over the internet. (Yeah, this coming from the princess of all prudes!) Tonight David looks very handsome in a vest and tie combo. Unfortunately, his rendition of “I Saw Her Standing There” is even cornier than when Blake and Jordin did it at the finale last year. And really now – “her?” Hmmm. Anyways, he is over-the-top although his voice sounds okay. David, bless his heart, is so “cruise ship” that we expect Captain Stubing, Doc, Gopher and the rest of the crew to show up any minute now. In David’s video he says that he chose this song because he learned about it in a “Beatles 101” class in college. This performance has Producer Manipulation written all over it. Randy agrees about the vocals but that “it was a little too overdone.” Paula echoes that but adds that “you’re a brilliant singer” which is true. Simon plays the “rabbit-in-headlights” card to everyone’s delight but he sticks with that analogy. Poor David just stands there and takes it in stride. Adding fuel to the fire, Ryan mentions the “stressful week” and emphasizes his “song choice.” David says he will do better next time and here’s hoping he will get that chance.

Next is Amanda, still My Kid’s favorite singer this year. She is rocking some serious hair extensions tonight but these don’t look like they came from the McPhee/Scarnato recycle bin, thank goodness. Amanda actually cracks a smile as she chats with Ryan in the metal egg carton stools about what folks do in between acts. Someone must have mentioned her lazy lounge-about during last week’s performance show. Funny how EVERY SINGLE THING that these kids do is recorded and then played back via youtube a trillion zillion times. In Amanda’s vid she once again talks about being a nurse and riding a Harley. She admits to not being a Beatles connoisseur and that she just learned her song this week. Tonight she sings “You Can’t Do That” and she definitely puts her own spin on it, as promised. Although it’s not as good as last week, it’s way better that the mess she made of Kansas. Because I am old-fashioned it bothers me that she doesn’t change the lyric to fit a female singer, a’la when Joan Jett did “Crimson & Clover” back in the 80s. Randy says she “took a Beatles song and you brought it to like a southern bar and rocked it out.” Paula says Amanda’s a star and she’s “blown away” by her. Simon proclaims that it was slurry and shouty but adds that “you are like a breath of fresh air when you come on.” Amen to that. Too bad we also had to endure Paula vs. Simon #986352.

The extremely handsome Michael is next and in his vid he talks about being a musician, but to pay bills he’s been a tennis coach. He was exposed to The Beatles while growing up in Australia and I could listen to him talk all night. Just one time I wish he’d say, “That’s not a knife; THIS is a knife.” (Love that Crocodile Dundee.) Anyways, tonight Michael does a simple version of “Across the Universe,” a song that has special meaning for him. My Kid informs me that this is also the title of a movie starring the young gal who’s dating Marilyn Manson, to which I say ewwww. Great way to ruin my Michael Johns moment, thanks. Ergh. So Michael is not pitch perfect on this song and it’s not doing a lot for me, but as long as I can look at him it’s okay. If I close my eyes and just listen it’s not as good. We keep remembering his Hollywood audition and keep waiting for him to live up to that vocal. The arm-waving from the mosh pit is more off-key than Michael and slightly disturbing. Randy says “it was okay for me, a little sleepy.” Paula forms the somewhat coherent but strangely stilted “it takes an inner strength, an inner quiet confidence to be able to stand center stage with a microphone and do nothing but sing brilliantly.” Wow. Simon agrees with Randy and calls it solid but monotonous and then totally forgets “the Irish girl’s” name. And Poor Michael has the Mandisa Shiny Head Syndrome but that’s okay.

Kristy is next and via video, she talks about being a small town country girl who loves horses. We knew this already because when she performs she has the “pony stance.” Anyways, she is lovely and genuine and has a big family that seems very happy. I really like this girl and hope the best for her tonight. Kristy looks pretty this evening in the shiny top, but the run-thru-the-combine blue jeans are awful. My Kid proclaims that it’s the style, but I know naught of these things. At any rate, she turns “8 Days a Week” into a country song and while it’s not completely bad, it’s not great either. Bless her heart, she is blinky and bouncy and a bit manic during her performance. This tune would be quite catchy if it had just been written today, but as a classic from the almighty Beatles, it’s not working. We wait for the judges to rip her to more shreds than her holey jeans. Randy actually starts out saying that “there were some parts about it I liked.” Paula disagrees and plays Simon’s well-used “I didn’t get it” card. This critique is an example of how the judges sometimes double-speak which is very frustrating: “Get out of the box/get back in the box.” Simon pronounces that “it was horrendous” and says “you sounded like Dolly Parton on helium.” Ryan actually does try to call them on the “you told her to do country” BS but it turns into yet another free-for-all with some serious Ryan snarkage.

Last one tonight is adorable Disney David who looks as sweet as ever in his video. He speaks of being a normal high school student, and they show clips of his mom dancing crazy and his dad playing a trumpet in his tee shirt. It’s confusing when David says he’s not familiar with Lennon/McCartney when he sang “Imagine” just a couple weeks ago. Did no one tell him that this was the same Lennon? Anyways, tonight he does the Stevie Wonder version of “We Can Work it Out” and for the first time, he is not excellent. He starts out on the staircase and before he gets down the steps, he’s fumbling over the words. Very disappointing that he blows the lyrics a couple more times, which is the kiss of death at this stage of the competition. (The aforementioned Brandon Rogers anyone?) There’s no fear that he will be eliminated, as his fan base is huge. Tweeners all over the country are on their Hello Kitty phones with their friends, “OMG! We must save DA. Or the world will end!” Just a reminder that although he’s been performing for years, he is JUST 17!! Randy says that it was “not on point” and “it felt forced.” Paula dinged him on forgetting the lyrics and Simon proclaims “that was a mess.” Before the night is over, the conspiracy theorists will be saying that this was a deliberate act to avoid the pimped-too-early curse that plagued Mindy Doo last year. Prepubescent chin up David!

Recap time… Everyone looks extra gorgeous tonight, and no one was really horribly howling-dog bad, so it’s hard to decide who might go home.

Kristy may get the sympathy vote since even Paula was hard on her. Since Syesha went first, she will more than likely be in the Bottom 3. The online polls and office pools have shown Chikezie at the bottom and that would be too darn bad. My prediction to exit tomorrow is Cabaret David, based on his extra Velveeta-badness performance tonight.

Quotes:
Simon (to Rocker David): “If this show remains a talent competition rather than a popularity competition, you actually could win this entire show.”

Tomorrow we find out who gets the “Ticket to Ride” all the way back home…