The Adorable Miss Jordin Sparks

She is the winner of this year’s American Idol. And she is only 17!! Have you heard?? She is ONLY SEVENTEEN!!! Ahahahahaha

Jordin Sparks Crowned as 'American Idol'
"Thank you so much for everything," she told the crowd. "Mom, Dad, I love you. Nana, Papa, P.J., thank you guys."

Jordin triumphs as youngest Idol ever
What'll she do to unwind? "I have no idea. Sleep? Play with my dogs?"

'I Love the Love!'
"Q: How do your parents feel? A: I've been watching the show since I was 12 and I've always wanted to do it and I've always told my mom every year at the finale or during the show, "I want to do that, Mom…"

Jordin Marvels At 'American Idol' Win: 'My Heartbeat Was Pounding In My Ears'
"Sparks hopes to 'infuse all sorts of genres' into upcoming album."

Sparks Flyin'
''I said I wanted to do it, and now I've done it,'' says the exhilarated youngest winner ever.

"I Can't Believe That I Won!"
"I had no idea what was going to happen. When Blake and I were standing up there [waiting to hear who'd won], he was just like, 'I love you, sweetheart,' and he squeezed my hand, and I realized that no matter what happened, everything was going to be OK."

Official AI web page
Q: What’s been your toughest obstacle in life?
A: Trying to get through math class.

Wikipedia
"Jordin Brianna Sparks (born on December 22, 1989 in Staten Island, New York) is an American singer."

official web site

fan site
another fan site

Blake Lewis: aka B-Shorty

Blake Lewis has been dubbed the Most Original American Idol contestant ever.

MTV article
"Blake … brought a flavor to the season-six stage never before seen on Idol."

Official AI web page
Q: What other talents do you have?
A: Photography, songwriting, producing, characters kisser.

What is a characters kisser??

The Beat Goes On
"Two seconds before I got on stage, it was like, It's done — this is the last time I'll step on the Idol stage. The journey was truly a blessing."

Wikipedia page
Blake Colin Lewis (born July 21, 1981) is an American singer and beat boxer. He is the runner-up of the sixth season of American Idol to Jordin Sparks.

Fan site

My space page

The Finale That Goes On and On and On…

May 23, 2004

For the last time this season, we hear Ryan say it: “This. Is American Idol.” Choking back tears of anticipation, I ponder how I am going to make it through this finale without losing my mind. For I am fighting a bad flu bug and am as incoherent as Paula on meds for a broken nose.

My Hubby asks me “why don’t you just go to bed” for heaven’s sake?? I give him the “are you crazy??” look – this is what we have waited 19 weeks for…

And so it begins… Ryan tries to divide the audience into Team Jordin and Team Blake. Then the judges are introduced and they are dressed for The Oscars Lite. More and more fashion talk, yawn.

The celebs are in the audience – Jeff Foxworthy, Uncle Jesse’s wife on Full House, Teri Hatcher, even Jerry Freakin Springer is up in the house tonight. Heh.

Chatter on the ‘net reveals that some of the Beatles catalog of songs will be used for tonight’s show. Blake and Jordin duet on “I Saw Her Standing There,” which opens prophetically with the line “well she was just 17.” My God, WE KNOW, okay? The final two actually don’t do a bad job with this song. Jordin is a bit breathless and Blake is so cute.

When they stand together at the end, it looks like she could fold him up and fit him right into her pocket. However, they have ZERO chemistry on stage together, a’la Katharine and Taylor, so hopefully this will be the last time they have to perform together ever.

So next, Ryan pretends that Gwen Stefani is actually “live via satellite” but chatter on the ‘net says that this performance was actually recorded for Idol Gives Back. Gwen breaks every fashion rule in the known universe and wears some weird dress that looks right out of the Bjork closet. Can not understand ONE WORD she is singing either.

Ryan promises more surprises are coming up. My Kid, Hubby, and I take bets that the rest of the special guests will be old folks. We’re thinking average age of about 66.

I just noticed that Ryan’s suit is shiny, or it may be the meds I am taking. He seems to enjoy introducing Kelly Clarkson, who sings her latest hit. My Kid goes wild, as she is a big Kelly fan and loves the song “Never Again.” It is very Alanis and rocking in an angry-girl-sings kinda way. I can’t help but wonder if those are the boots that Pickler wore during Queen week last year? My Kid says for the millionth time to GET OVER last season. The song goes on and on and I read the Entertainment Weekly article in the issue that has Kelly on the cover. She comes off as a bit unhappy in this piece. Proof that with fame and fortune sometimes comes…

OOOH! Jennifer Hudson (wearing glasses) in the audience! Coolfulness!

Not so cool, is the awful time wasting Golden Idol awards. Greeeeeaaaat. They go on way way too long with the recaps of the “best” of the worst, with the winner being the crazy Big Bird lady. This woman is a window-licker from way frickin back. Get off my TV. Even The Shield guy is grossed out by the kiss she gives Ryan. Good thing I have to go barf and can leave the room. Ugh.

All clad in white, the Top 6 Guys perform the Linda Ronstadt classic, “Ooh Baby Baby” and they don’t do too terrible a job with it, especially Chris Sligh and Phil. Sligh has lost a lot of weight (in body and in hair) and Phil is almost as white as his suit. Never realized how much I missed Sligh until tonight. Unfortunately, am also reminded of the awfulness of Malakar and Richardson, yikes. And who is that cute black guy? Oh yeah, Brandon – we hardly knew ye. Actually, this is deemed to be not a Linda number, but a Smokey Robinson song, since The Man himself walks out on stage. He performs “Being With You” with the group as back-up. By the time they break into a third tune, “Tears of a Clown,” My Kid is bored and goes to make popcorn.

Commercials… weird how the winner of the Harris Teeter Jingle contest is cuter and better than some of this year’s AI contestants. At least says so My Kid.

Next we have a performance by Blake and two other rappers/beatboxing dudes. Greeeeaaat. Just what my hurting head needs. Some DJ dude and Fresh guy comes out with a triple dose of nonsense. Not into this stuff at all. Would rather have Simon sing! Buncha ribbits and fart noises and this is called music? Sounds like they’re moving furniture around. Even Mr. Lewis looks confused.

We go from WTH? to WTH??? when we have more fake awards to give out. I loathe this section of the finale. It is a disgrace, especially when they bring the winning guy out to sing in the Kodak Theater and he actually sounds better than some of the finalists. Oh snap! I am not sure if it is my fever or if the realization has finally hit me… this show SUCKS sometimes.

But things get better when the top 6 girls come out, all dressed in white. Gina has lost weight and has a fab haircut, but she is wearing a white sack for no reason. Jordin is in a tent and LaKisha looks like she has a sheet wrapped around her. Haley, of course, is wearing a white hankie. Melinda and Stephanie look marvelous and they all sound pretty good on “I Heard it Through the Grapevine.”

And then! Gladys Knight comes out and joins the ladies on stage. At first My Kid murmurs something about another old person, but quickly gets into the song and likes Ms. Knight’s singing. They are not called CLASSICS for nothing, y’all. This is the good stuff. Almost makes up for the silliness from before. The six gals surround Ms. Knight as she sings a couple of her hits, including one that Kiki did earlier this year, “Midnight Train to Georgia.” Whoo whoo! And Justin G. and The Hoff are in the audience. No tears yet though.

“The biggest show in the world” Ryan says, and he is not wrong. Number one show in this United States at least. Tony Bennett sings next and he gets a standing ovation. I am not into the standard stuff at all but at least we can understand the words. And he is not making poot sounds so it works for me. Would have been scads more interesting if he had a couple of the guys – you know the actual contestants from this season – to perform with him. Am in a coma now though, from the meds.

When I wake up, Ryan is announcing the Best Friends mock award and we get to see the odd duo, Big Boy and Bush Baby. Last year, we got Brokenote Mountain. This year we get BFFs Romping On The Beach. Ryan and Simon have their best “closet” quips repeated too, but they don’t win. The award goes to Jonathan & Kenneth who talk about lots of red carpet and being called names but they are famous now so it’s ALL GOOD. So lighten up! And let’s go to the zoo. Simon even gives them a standing ovation, so maybe the tree huggers and ACL-freakin-U will STHU.

Next up is my fave girl Melinda, performing with CeCe and BeBe Winans!! Mel does the Whitney part on “Hold Up the Light.” They are doing GOSPEL on American Idol, y’all! Somebody call the cops!! They might send a POSTIVE message out, perhaps offer enlightenment or encouragement, and we can’t have THAT on TV!! Somebody might hear about GOD!! (Yes this is my sarcastic voice on meds.)

Melinda and the Winans sound wonderful and I am dancing and shouting, proclaiming “in God we trust!” YAY! I love this. I want Melinda’s CD right this very minute. Even Paula is grooving, and Simon just looks annoyed. Too bad British Boy. “Hold up the light! Save the world from darkness!” This song ain’t about Heroes.

Our requisite Ford video has all 12 finalists singing “Time After Time,” set to outtakes of the other videos they did this season. They seem to be having loads of fun, so this is the best one yet.

Jordin looks superb in a fuchsia and pink dress and Blake is donned in all black when Ryan presents them with Ford mustangs.

And now for the THIRD time this season, we have Carrie Underwood. She sings “I’ll Stand By You” again but it loses the effect without the little kids in the charity ep video. She takes the dress-with-jeans outfit a step further by wearing an evening gown with jeans. Carrie Doll is so pretty it doesn’t really matter what they dress her up in. And look, pull her string and she even claps for herself.

The Man With the Golden Ears is next – Mr. Clive Davis himself. He goes on and on for a zillion years about the awesomeness of Chris Daughtry. Ha! Talk about having the last laugh. Then it’s another crazillion years of thanking everyone who has ever been on the show ever. Shout out to how they crafted and designed their Country Idol into What She Is Today. Then Carrie speaks! I didn’t know she could do that. Cool.

The African Children’s Choir returns to the Idol stage without Josh Groban this time. They sing in their own language and it’s adorable but goes on forever. Even cuteness gets old when it lasts a billion years.

Speaking of cuteness – a tribute to Sanjaya is next. Good thing I have already lost my dinner. Twinkle Toes Malakar; here he is performing with Joe Perry from Aerosmith. Dang, Joe must need some crack money or something. He sings “You Got Me Going” and of course, we see Crying Girl again. This show is like a roller coaster. Sanjaya is breathless and now he’s caught in a wind tunnel. Hope his fans are happy. In one year, it will be – Sanjaya who?

To the great delight of My Kid, the next guest to perform is Green Day. They are singing a John Lennon song from a charity album, called “Working Class Hero.” It is all political and deliberate and there are no “shadows walking beside” anyone. My Hubby does not like this band because of the making-fun-of-Jesus song that they have on American Idiot. Our Kid argues that it’s not ridiculing Jesus per se, it’s about a guy named Jimmy or something and then the Green Day song is finally over. All I can say is punk rockers need to be introduced to some Lever 2000 cuz they’re nasty.

Without further ado, no intro needed – it’s Taylor Hicks! He is cool and styling in brown leather. He looks good and fit, sounding exactly like we remember him. Singing “Heaven Knows” which is supposedly his latest single. Taylor even gets to toot the harmonica for a little while before he has the trademark spastic fit.

Next we have Jordin doing a duet with Ruben. Yeah, that Ruben. Well, it’s only half of the Ruben that we knew in season two. Everyone in the world is losing weight except me and Rosie. Heh. They sing “All I Need to Get By” and it seems that the background singers get most of the goods on this song. Ruben sounds really good and they harmonize well. This is so much better than that hot mess of Kat & Meat Loaf last year. Oh memories…

Commercials… quick question from an old fogie – have the Axe ads gone too far? They showed a very provocative one at the movie theater this weekend. At the premiere of SHREK for pete’s sake. “Bom Chicka Wahwah” indeed.

Back to the show … Raymond’s brother sits in Paula’s seat at the judges’ table as Ryan introduces Bette Midler. She looks great for her age but black leather past age 60 is just ooky somehow. Tonight she sings a croaky version of “Wind Beneath My Wings” from the Beaches movie. I did a better recording of this at a Carowinds studio 15 years ago. Have always preferred the Gary Morris version of this song anyways. Almost worth it though, to see Randy and Paula slow dancing. And then “flying.” “Thank God for you” and now it’s finally mercifully over.

A tribute to Sgt. Pepper is next and My Kid wonders if this is a new soda? I just wait for Kelly Clarkson to do the explaining as she rocks out with the sole member of the Lonely Hearts Club Band. She sounds awesome; I would buy this CD today. She jumps up and down too much though; she almost loses her low riders.

Then it’s Taylor again in a shiny silver shirt. He is in full Joe Cocker palsy mode as he sings the song that starts “I read the news today, oh boy.” Not sure of the name of it, but the lyrics are timely even now.

Next it’s Carrie again, wearing one of Haley’s mini-dresses. Just to prove she can. We are all left to wonder where the heck did they hide THIS YEAR’S contestants??? Carrie singing a Beatles song just does not work. Have no idea what this song is, something about somebody leaving, bye-bye. Foreshadowing much? At last, we have the gals from this season doing back-up. They’re in the shadows but at least they are there.

Now it’s Ruben singing “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.” Thanks, TIIC, for introducing yet another generation to the “ode to LSD” song. Since the Beatles were before my time, the version I heard growing up was from Elton John. Poor Ruben looks pained but at least the guys seem to be having fun singing back-up on the ledge. They even have the kaleidoscope colors in the background. Or is it my meds?

Finally! Our current crop gets to sing the theme song from The Wonder Years. They sure could have used some more practice; the choreography is a mess and most of them flub or stumble or stick their tongue out inappropriately or something. Am beginning to realize why TIIC has trotted out special guests and past idols so much tonight. At least the black and silver outfits are stylish.

After “getting by with a little help from their friends,” Blake and Jordin finally get to take the stage to prepare for the results. It is already 10:00 PM and TiVos and DVRs all over the country are finished recording. There are going to be some MAD folks when they sit down to watch this show. Thank goodness I have mine set for 15 minutes over. You live and learn.

Jordin is dressed in a long orangy colored evening gown and Blake is just well … Blake. The independent tabulator guy is there to give the envelope to Ryan. Even though we are already into OT, Ryan polls the judges. Paula mumbles and wrestles with Simon. Blake reaches waaaay up to whisper in Jordin’s ear as Ryan finally pronounces Jordin the winner. Blake seems to be genuinely delighted, probably because he will not have to perform that icky coronation song.

The crowd cheers the youngest AI winner ever, even though some folks can not seem to spell her name right. Smokey gives Mr. Sparks a hug as her mama cries proud tears. We are reminded (again) that Jordin is just a girly-girl teenager as her emotions get away from her, especially toward the end of “This is My Now.”

We finally get the sparkles and confetti as the credits start to roll. Then she gets hugs from the other eleven contestants and the worst grand finale in AI history is finally mercifully over.

Good thing I am already crying, cuz I have a feeling these waterworks will continue when watching the Lost season finale. (What will the Hobbits fans do if Charlie dies?)

But I digress… will have to watch this ep of AI again when I am not on meds and am more coherent. But then again… no. Once is enough.

Oh yeah. Average age of guest stars? Not counting the African kids’ choir and the Beatles, it’s 45. So me and the fam’ were way off. Who’da thunk it?

American Idol 2007: Lewis vs. Sparks

May 22, 2007

It’s the showdown that we have waited four months for – the grand finale of AI 2007. Unless you have been living in a cave with the GEICO guys, then ya already know that the final two are Blake and Jordin.

Ryan is dapper in a 3-piece suit and he introduces the somewhat dressed up judges: Randy “it’s a throwback,” Paula “my hair extensions are not recycled,” and Simon “cleavage.” Much discussion about how Paula broke her nose when she tripped over her little doggie. Awww. Ryan tells us that “the bitch” is okay. Yep, family hour, this American Idol. Number one show in the country.

Flashback to the Seattle audition, where we first met both Blake and Jordin. Wow, I did not remember Blake having the sticky-uppy hair. He looks much better now. Jordin has always been cute and “sparkly.” She is honestly one of the most beautiful girls that has ever been on TV. Like Halle Berry, she got the best of both gene pools.

Another flashback (geez, I am beginning to feel like we’re watching an episode of Lost!) – this time to the coin toss from last week. It gets very confusing; Blake won but as a gentleman, he let Jordin choose so she gets to decide if she goes first or he goes second. Or something to that effect.

Anyways, Blake is up first and he will be in reprise mode. He is dressed nicely tonight, even though he’s doing the Bon Jovi song that everyone in the whole wide world liked except me. I don’t enjoy it anymore tonight than when he did it before. There is a motto on the rickey.org website – “Save the Beatboxer. Save the World.” This is ripped from Heroes, natch. I have to disagree with this motto; just wish the boy would SING, ya know?? It’s finally mercifully over, and judges get out the big guns. Randy says the singing was just aw'right, but Paula wishes she could give him more than a 10. Simon liked the energy, etc. something whatever. He kinda mumbles on and on. Been spending too much time with Paula perchance?

Jordin’s first song is a new one – a Christina A. song that starts out with the sound of something breaking in the kitchen. WTH? Heavy sigh on the song choice, but she looks great. This song is called “Fighter” and it is way too big for our lil’ gal Jordin. The song totally gets away from her in a big way. She loses her breath and her voice goes weak. My Hubby complains that the band is totally drowning her out. Judges disagree with us, but then again they have to. (They want a GIRL to win this year, as last year’s male winner just has not sold a lot of records.) Randy uses words like amazing and stellar, Paula repeats stellar and adds awesome, Simon likes that she chose a younger song BUT he adds the shrieky card. Round of boos from everyone. It never ceases to amaze me how Jordin looks like an Amazon standing next to Ryan. She is tall and smiling and pretty.

Commercials… does anyone else want to b*slap that little text messaging girl in the Cingular/AT&T ad? Can you say PREPAID? I can. But am digressing…

Blake talks about wanting a drum set when he was a kid but he never got one. This turns out to be a good thing, since that is why he became the awesomest beat boxer in the whole wide universe!! For his new song, Blake is doing another Maroon 5 song called “She Will Be Loved” and for once he does not stutter and putter or mutter any at all. It’s kinda nice for a change but average. My Hubby is annoyed at even having to listen to Blake but My Kid of course, thinks he is fantastic. He is back in argyle sweater mode, with the Oxford hanging out. This must be the absent-minded-prep-student look. Judges mostly dig Blake. Randy likes the natural and pure sound. After chastising Simon for teasing her in the KODAK Theater, Paula professes her devotion. Simon pronounces it good and safe but not good enough. More boos from the masses and then we have the STHU music. Ryan reminds us that Blake has never even WATCHED the show, so he does not know what to expect. Amazement and awe all around as Blake hams it up for the camera.

Jordin on the other hand, is an American Idol junkie. She has been singing since she was a teeny tiny girl and entered her first competition at age 12. For Jordin’s repeat-o song, she is doing “A Broken Wing,” which was marvelous on country night. She does an equally good job with the song this evening, even though the lyrics are really depressing. Guess that’s okay, though. Carrie sang the song about the mom offing the abusive dad, so Jordin singing about the runaway abused wife is pretty tame by comparison. Judges think that Jordin is wonderful. Randy reminds her that they have loved her since day one and even professes her version even better than the original. (Don’t tell Martina that!) Paula adds the looking adorable card and Simon simply says THAT was GOOD. Jordin miming her numbers is so cute; I don’t care what the AOL pundits say.

The winners of the American Idol songwriter contest are announced and they are from Seattle also. That must be a rocking city! My boss lives near there and he is way cool, so that makes it even better from a personal standpoint.

The name of the song is “This is My Now” and it is not the song that I voted for, darn it. It is kinda okay though, for a coronation song. Blake has to perform it first though, and he is so way out of his element with this hot mess. He goes badly off-key a couple times and does not seem to care at this point. Can not help but wonder if he is TRYING to lose?? He has been quoted on the ‘net as saying that he wants Jordin to take home the title. Must be true, cuz he ain’t even trying to do right by this. Judges try to take it easy on him. Randy says it was just aw’right, Paula (on meds for nose breakage) thought it was great. Simon calls it correctly and for once does not get booed. Funny moment when he recants the comment made back in January about Seattle having no talent. Big belly laughs are had by all. Isn’t it just a relief to laugh sometimes?

Now it is Jordin’s turn to sing the award winning coronation song, “This is My Now.” Last year, Kat and Taylor got different songs, but oh well. Jordin looks glamorous in a black cocktail style dress; she should always wear clothes like this, she looks like a movie star. Have already started praying that the well-oiled and sadistic Hollywood machine does not try to turn this sweet young girl into another Christina Aguskankyho, Lindsay Hohan, Bratney Smears, Messica Pimpson, or Gwen Slutfani. What a horrible thing that would be. And there is no doubt at all that she is the Winner after hearing her sing this song. It seems to be made for her and even though she seems nervous and a bit breathless, she does a fine job with it. Judges agree. Randy reminds us that we are looking for a SINGER y’all! And we have found the best one right up in here tonight! Paula is proud and gives a shout out to Jordin’s equally proud parents. Simon announces that he was wrong to think that Jordin was less than deserving and that she “wiped the floor” with Blake on that song. Hmmph, she had him wiped by the first note tonight.

Recap time and it’s evident that “This is JORDIN’S Now” and they might as well go ahead and proclaim her the victor. Blake will still have a decent career ahead of him; his beat boxing hook will carry him far in the contemporary music world.

Ryan polls the judges and 2 out of 3 admit they believe Jordin will take the crown, but as Simon says, they are all winners. And as Daughtry says, “It’s Not Over.” Two hour finale tomorrow night. And speaking of Daughtry, OH MY GOSHIE!!! There he is!

Chris and the Band perform the “going home” song live on stage. My Kid and I are as gleeful as the Little Crying Girl. Highlights from the show play in the background but we don’t care about that… we want more Chris. MORE CHRIS!!!

So now we have to watch the very last ep ever of Veronica Mars. So sad that TIIC of CW cancelled that wonderful show. It beats Grey's and Housewives right ta’death. Of course, we have to rewind the last 5 minutes of tonight’s AI a couple dozen times, because…

CHRIS!!!!

The Incredible Mindy Doo

Why Melinda Doolittle is the Best Contestant EVER!

Her official AI page
"Q: If you win, who will you thank first?
A: Jesus and my mommy."

Her wikipedia page
"Doolittle sang back-up for Michael McDonald, Anointed, Mandisa, Aaron Neville, Jonny Lang, Vanessa Bell Armstrong, Alabama, Julie Wilde, and CeCe Winans."

Her Yahoo page
"A Simon Cowell favorite from the word go, Melinda Doolittle, 29, blew away the judges with her soulful, accomplished vocals..."

Best contestant doesn’t make it to ‘Idol’ finale
"Melinda Doolittle was clearly the most talented of the remaining contestants, and also the most consistent."

What is next...
"The consummate professional already, Doolittle—who as the third-place finisher will almost surely be getting a mainstream record deal, anyway—smiled resignedly when she heard the bad news."

'Idol' Viewers Have Faith in Humble Contender
"There's no diva attitude there. She loves to sing and perform. Every week I think she gets stronger."

Melinda Doolittle on Leaving Idol: 'I Was Relieved'
"Now I'm getting ready to sing just because I love it."

MTV sums it all up in a nutshell -
"Sometimes, being the best isn't even good enough."

Melinda Doolittle Forever!

Sometimes Perfection Just Ain’t Enough

May 16, 2007

I have a bad feeling about tonight. Call it instinct of the very obsessed. Something is bound to happen, right? An event that will shake us all out of our collective comas. It’s just a bad feeling … I think Charlie is going to die. No wait – that’s Lost. Sorry.

Before we can get to Sawyer and Gang on the DVR, we must endure tonight’s results ep. Who will be “voted off the island?” Heh. I am so funny! (Not!)

In lieu of Ryan, Homer Simpson opens the show tonight, and it’s funny how he wants to vote for Fantasia. Doh!

Wow, flashback to some trash-lit that I used to read years ago – Jackie Collins is in the audience tonight. Is an American Idol type expose coming to a Barnes & Nobles someday soon?

Recap time… Jordin is adorable, Blake is hip, and Melinda “blew it out da box” as Randy says.

We are reminded that the tour is coming this summer. The only one that I would walk from here to the mailbox to see in person is Melinda. And maybe Jordin.

Ryan wants to chat about what the contestants do in between shows. Jordin gives a run down of her busy sked, and then we see highlights of her hometown visit. For no particular reason they play an old Lynard Skynard song as the background for her montage. The sweetest moment is when Jordin is reunited with her very BFF. We are all reminded that she is just SEVENTEEN!!!

Now Jordin, dressed in a pretty satin dress, stands on stage with Ryan who teases but gives no results.

The very last Dial Idol is finally mercifully shown; thank goodness that mess is over. Oh but it’s good to see pictures of the final three from last year again. Oh memories…

But now we have Ryan trying to sing while Blake bops him a beat. They chat about the big butt song, how sweet Mr. Lewis is, and then finally we see highlights of Blake’s homecoming. Another old song plays, I think by The Doors. I have to say that Blake’s enthusiasm is infectious and he shows more personality in this one montage that in the prior eleven weeks. And his dad really is this year’s Mr. McPhee.

Now Blake stands next to Ryan, wearing a dumb looking T-shirt over a shirt and tie combo. The tee looks like an inkjet cartridge blew up on him. Of course, we get no results yet. No surprise there.

In the house now… right up in the same AI house as he was last year… is one of my fave singers of all time – Elliott Yamin!!! He looks 100,000 times better than he did one short year ago. He has had some major dental work and has all three teenaged Brady Boys hair on his head. His voice is perfect on the song he does from his CD. Oh man I miss last year! Have I mentioned how much I miss last year?

This week’s Ford video-mercial features the Idols as kids dancing and singing in their rooms, then emerging as their current selves. It’s to the tune of “Everybody Wants You,” a song that will get stuck in your head for awhile.

Ryan talks to Melinda about the joys of sweet tea and why the heck is Simon so bored? We see highlights of Mel’s trip home and she is wonderful and sweet to the fans. As always, she’s a class act. Her visit seems to be a lot more low key; the editors did not piece it together in the frantic pace that the others had. Best moment is when she visits her church; this is where we see the REAL Melinda Doolittle.

Now, on stage with Ryan, Melinda is calm, cool and colleted in a shirt that says “Death Cheater.” Heathens have no idea that this is a Christian reference, even though there is a cross underneath the writing. As with the others, Ryan is giving nothing away. I mean, we still have like 20 minutes to go.

Commercials… FOX sure is pimping that On the Lot show. YAWN.

We are reminded that Idol is looking for the next great band. No age barrier! And you could be as big as the band playing next! Who are they? I have no idea so I consult My Kid. It’s Maroon 5, and again I say WHO? All I can say is, so this is what anorexic men look like. I have wondered about that.

Finally that is over and after about a thousand commercials we learn that… Jordin is safe!

Melinda is going home!! May we all have a moment of silence? Then there are lots of boos. And boy oh boy does Simon Cowell look pee-ohed.

But Blake is safe and his fans cheer for him.

By the first note of the “going home” song, I am in tears. Watching Simon tell Melinda at her very first audition, “You walk in with no confidence, no attitude, and yet you are a brilliant singer.” We go through her journey as she is reminded that she is NOT a back-up singer anymore. Mindy Doo is a superstar all the way.

Now I have to find a paper bag cuz I am hyperventilating. Thank goodness my DVR switches to Medium before Mel sings her very last song. I will have to catch it on the ‘net tomorrow when I’ve calmed down a bit.

Lordy Lordy, we love you Melinda so much!! Rock on? (she attempts the “rock horns.”) Yes girlfriend, ROCK ON!

The Dude, The Teen and The W-O-M-A-N

May 15, 2007

Hard to believe that we are down to only three. Seems like only yesterday that we were just meeting cute curly-haired Jordin, stylin’ beat boxer Blake, and sweet shy Melinda.

Tonight each of our contestants will perform three songs: one song chosen by a judge, one by the producers, and one of their own choice. Not sure why Clive is not participating this go around. Perhaps he is as bored as we have been this year?

First up is the Judge’s Choice and we see the video of Jordin in Glendale, AZ during her hometown return. The Mayor reads the fax from Simon that he has chosen some old song for her called “Wishing on a Star” by Lexus. Er, I mean Rolls Royce. Maybe it’s Rose Royce. Never mind, Jordin has no idea either. Tonight she looks gorgeous and sounds great but it is evident that she has just learned this song. In spite of this, she gives a wonderful performance. Judges somewhat agree. Randy compares her to Beyonce. Paula congratulates Simon on a good song choice, but Simon did not like the jazzy arrangement. Young Jordin pantomimes almost every word Ryan says and it is equal parts adorable and annoying.

Blake is back home in Botthel, WA when he gets the fax from Paula. The Mayor (who looks younger than Jordin) reads it to the cheering crowd; the song choice is “Roxanne” by The Police. Okaaaay. Great song choice Abdul, for the so-called Family Hour. (That was my sarcastic voice.) All of the little kiddies watching are asking mom and dad - what is a red light? Blake does a reasonably good job with the song but does not bring anything special to the melody. Just call it “Sting Lite.” Judges have a mixed reaction. Randy gives him an A and he makes Paula proud. Of course Simon thought it was not earth shattering. I have to agree with the Brit on this one; it was not fantastic. Ryan takes Blake’s side, especially since they have the same hair color again. Boy Divas gotta stick together ya know.

The Mayor of Nashville, TN reads his fax to Melinda while in private, not in front of a crowd like the others. This is the first time I have seen them do it this way. Randy has chosen a Whitney Houston song “I Believe in You and Me.” Poor Melinda says, “Thank you Randy Johnson.” Lordy, where has she been?? It doesn’t really matter, because as usual she performs her heart out and does a fabulous job with a somewhat boring song. However, I don’t like her fish-scale-looking dress and wonder what are her stylists thinking? The judges don’t care what she looks like, they love her. Randy is delighted to be able to drop Whitney’s name, and Paula deems it her best performance this season. Simon declares that Melinda gets the first round. Then Ryan says YO YO YO and Simon asks him if he is drunk. (Hello Pot, The Kettle called…)

Jordin gets a viewer question about her favorite song and she shows her age again by saying it’s “MMMBop” by Hanson. This was my angel daughter’s favorite song also, so I get a little teary. This darn show!

For no apparent reason at all, TIIC has chosen the old Donna Summer song “She Works Hard for the Money” for little biddy Jordin’s next song. WTH are they thinking? I have always thought of Ladies of the Night whenever I’ve heard this song in the past, or maybe I just have a dirty mind. Shame on me. Jordin looks cute and stylish and does an okay job, it’s just that the song goes nowhere and the lyrics are mostly repetitive. She seems to have a hard time prancing around in the disco platforms. (Open letter to the producers - Dear Powers That Be: Please do not start the slutting up of our sweet Jordin this early in the game. Please. Okay? Thanks! Love, Aunt Pearl.) Judges mostly love all things that Spark-le. Randy says she worked it out and Paula adds the hard for the money part. Simon liked it too after LHAO at Paula.

A spastic Blake answers fan mail next; someone wants to know who would play him in the story of his life. He says Jim Carey (???) and the title would be Organized Chaos.

The producers’ choice for Blake is a Maroon 5 song called “This Love.” Even though I don’t know much about today’s music, even I have heard this song. He does an okay job with it, nothing really special. His voice seems to give out about midway, but that’s all right. My Kid is still singing right along and does not miss a beat. Have to admit that this tune is kinda catchy; it will still be stuck in my head all day tomorrow. Judges over praise him for some reason. Randy tells him that this is what he needs to put on his album. Paula proclaims it to be a good night for Blake. Simon thinks that he was comfortable and good. Ryan teases that it takes a whole lot out of the British Brat to offer a compliment.

Ryan introduces Melinda’s grandparents and then she gets a fan question. Who was her idol growing up? She says her mommy. Awww.

Melinda’s next song is one I have never heard of – an old Ike & Tina Turner song, not sure of the name. It is a rocking out song and Mel proves that she can rock it as good as Tina. Not sure why TIIC chose this particular song for her, but man she is awesome. Judges all agree that she is wonderful. Randy echoes what he said to Blake – that she should put this type of song on her album. Paula loves her triply. And Simon pronounces her brilliant. Have to agree with him there. Ryan forces him to choose a winner for the second round of songs and he says it’s a tie. I have to disagree; I think Melinda took both rounds so far.

Commercials… I can not WAIT to see Shrek the Third. Am taking My Kid and her three best friends to see it this weekend. It’s part of her birthday present; can not believe that she will be FIFTEEN!

Anyways, back to the show… Ryan has to break up a make out session between Simon and Paula. Ewwwww.

More footage of Jordin’s trip back home. She is shown at the mall where she used to work, where she got a “star.” This kid is so adorable and infectious. For her song choice, she is repeating “I Who Have Nothing,” which she did during British week. It is one of her best performances and she does even better this go around. The judges have to give her props. Randy says it was a hot way to close it out. Weird Paula says something about it sat well in her voice (?). Simon is annoyed that she is 17!! And doing such an old old song. Sorry. Jordin just giggles with Ryan and then jokes about Simon’s choice being old too, so SNAP!! Ryan reels it in since he is well aware that Simon has NO sense of humor and we just do not go there with him. Oh Lordy. Hopefully this will not mess up Jordin’s chances of getting to the finale.

Next we see Blake in his hometown doing the beat boxing with some rapper dude. It’s the stupid big butt song that I hate with the fiery passion of Hades. Tonight Blake is more low key with his personal song choice. He is doing something he has never done on the show before. Have never heard this one but it’s by one of the celebs that guested on the show earlier this season, Robin Thicke. It must be called “When I Get You Alone,” cuz that is repeated a lot. I can’t help but wonder if Robin is related to the Growing Pains Dad so after consulting wikipedia, I discover in a flash that he is indeed the progeny of one Alan Thicke. (That web site rocks so hard but I digress.) Judges are mixed about Blake’s performance. Randy says it was awright; Paula mumbles something about it being great. Then Simon does a soliloquy of the wonderfulness of Blake. ‘K, whatev.

Melinda’s footage of hometown visitage is much more subdued than the others. We see her get a street sign named after her which is so well deserved. For her song choice, she is doing a repeat of the fabulous theme song to Enjoli cologne – “I’m a Woman.” Even though I love my Mindy Doo more now than ever, there are a couple things I would have done differently while performing this song. She is back in full librarian-outfit mode; it would have been better to wear a hot sexy dress. And where did the long hair go? For some reason, she has removed the cool extensions. And folks, here we have it… for the first time ALL season, the ab-fab Melinda Doolittle flubs a line. She makes up for it of course, especially by bringing the back-up singers out with her. The judges don’t care about the flubbed line. Randy says she could sing the phone book. Paula reminds her that she is in the spotlight now. Simon basically says that she deserves to win this darn thing. And he is correct.

Recap time and the best one tonight is Mindy Doo. Jordin and Blake did well too though, so it is anyone’s game right now. The American voters have proven that they can be complete idiots when it comes to making a decision.

Best quote of the night by Simon: “I want to see my girl Melinder in the final.” I second that motion!!

Queen LaKisha

All about Single Mom LaKisha...

She talks about her daughter on her official AI page:
“Q: What has been your proudest moment in life so far?
A: When I gave birth to my daughter (Brionne)”

A reminder of how much Simon loved her from the very beginning:
“Judge Simon Cowell so much as told the other 23 contestants to pack their bags and buy tickets home…”

From ET online interview:
ET: How do you feel about finishing fourth?
LAKISHA: All I can say is look at CHRIS DAUGHTRY!

True dat!!

Post Idol plans: “…focusing on two goals: a record contract and a new home.”

From her exit interview:
“…they asked all of us — if you go home, what song would you like to sing? And I said, ''Honey, 'Stayin' Alive!' 'Cause I'm gonna stay alive after American Idol.''”

Good for you Kiki!

The “Bell Tolls” Tonight but “For Whom”?

May 9, 2007

“Imagine getting cut after making it This Far,” so says heavily stubbled Ryan. Four nervous- looking contestants sit on stage and await their fates. For no apparent reason at all, Simon is in Paula’s seat. So funny when he does her famous “seal clap” and she does the “chest rub.” Not as funny when she practically falls out of her chair proclaiming the hotness of Jessica Alba. Simon looks at her like she’s from outer space. She is sooo off her rocker tonight, which makes the show way more interesting.

Recap of last night’s show… Blake beat boxes when he should be dancing but this is where he came in and it’s so much better. LaKisha may not be staying alive in the competition and her little girl will be saying run to me mommy when she is voted off tonight. Jordin is great when she loves somebody but she is neither a woman nor in love. Melinda brings it inside and out and mends all our broken hearts.

Ryan does his filler fodder street interviews and this is where I go get a snack. If I genuinely cared what other people thought about the show, I would be reading the message boards right now. No wait… I would not do that under any circumstances; that is a weird hell place.

When we get back, all is right with the world again, since Paula is back in her correct seat. Whew that was close! Voiceover Ryan reminds us that the AI Live Tour will be the Biggest Ever this summer. Biggest Hits and Biggest Hair, but the little Crying Girl will not be performing, sorry folks. Funny Ryan tells us to lock up our daughters, cuz Sanjaya is coming to our city.

A pre-recorded Pink performance is next and this is just more time wasting to fill an hour when all we really need is about 15 minutes. I have never been a Pink fan but My Kid likes the song and sings right along with it. “No tattoos!!” I remind My Kid as she jams along with the gal formerly known as Alecia Moore and currently Mrs. Carey Hart. (Isn’t wikipedia great?)

The latest Ford fauxmercial is next and this is the weirdest one yet. To the tune of “You Really Got Me” the four idols run from a group of fans led by a “Bad Seed” lookalike. Creepy. Dial Idol latest winner has cool Bo Derek braids. Answer to latest question is Carrie who went to Africa for the Give Back event.

Group Sing time is now and we have audio technicalities. Please stand by. They finally get the mics right as Melinda starts out the songs-by-Barry Gibb medley. The gals and Blake do an okay job but they could have used a lot more practice. Most performances are stilted and shaky in a “I just learned this song five minutes ago” kinda way. Funny Ryan calls them the “Lewis Sisters” when it’s finally mercifully over.

It is now time for the “Ryan banters with the contestants” portion of the show. He teases LaKisha for talking to herself. (Wow, Paula really does rub off on these folks, huh?) Jordin was challenged this week by having to learn not one but two old songs not from her generation. Blake won’t admit that he stews about Simon’s comments and he doesn’t really care anyway. Back to picking on LaKisha again; Ryan just let it go okay?? Melinda gets a wake up call in spite of the conflicting advice she gets from the panel of morons. “Be true to yourself!” “Step out of your comfort zone!” “Do what you do best!” “Get out of the box!” Make up your idiotic minds people.

The final four got a sneak peak of the latest Fantastic Four movie. Previews of it look pretty good and the stars are in the audience tonight. Jessica is a terrible actress in spite of her “hotness.” She has come a long way since the Flipper days of the nineties. Cute gimmick with the “Invisible Woman” empty chair and even funnier when Ryan falls totally apart in fan geekdom. Classic.

Back to our own fantastic four… cute baby pictures are shown and the contestants talk about their childhoods. Then we see more family pictures and it’s so amazing that both Melinda and LaKisha look exactly like their moms. Blake looks a lot like his dad and says he made a lot of noise as a kid. Jordin looks exactly the same now as she did as a child. Oh wait… she still is a kid so that makes sense.

Back to the stage, and Ryan watches as the final four cuddle up and swear that they will NOT be parted! So funny how Jordin is a foot taller than everybody else. She is automatically safe and gets to sit down. Guess they are still making up for the big tease on charity night.

Ryan tells us that the next Big Thing on the AI horizon is the Best Undiscovered Group in America. Send band videos and DVDs to enter this latest contest. No age or genre limit.

Barry Gibb sings “To Love Somebody” and we can’t understand a single word he is singing. This is not an age thing either cuz his lyrics have never been discernible. Watching him perform makes me feel ancient. I still remember jamming to the Saturday Night Fever album and “Shadow Dancing” to little brother Andy’s record. My Kid laughs at me for my reminiscent nature.

Finally we are back to results… Melinda is safe, YAY. That leaves Blake and Kiki. Paula spouts some advice to them both and Simon correctly predicts tonight’s loser. LaKisha will be leaving this evening and she actually looks relieved.

Highlights of her journey thus far remind us of how she blew Simon away in the first audition. Wowed us with “you’re gonna love me” and we certainly all did. Everybody cries as the “going home” song plays then it’s time for LaKisha to sing “Staying Alive” again. The tears still have not dried on her face but she rocks it out this one last time.

“More Than a Woman” – an awesome singer and sweet mom. Kiki, you will be missed.

Tuesday “Night Fever” for the Top 4

May 8, 2007

One of the icons from my girlhood is on the show tonight – Barry Gibb, the taller and foxier of the Brothers Gibb, the “man in the middle” of the Bee Gees.

As the farmers say “we’re in the short rows now.” Only four contestants remain. Who will be our final 3?

Ryan is in pinstripes and stubble and no one told Randy that tonight the judges were supposed to wear white. (He just never gets those memos.)

Video montage of Barry Gibb and the Bee Gees set to “Staying Alive” remind us of the rocking falsettos, tight fuchsia pants and satin jackets of the 70’s. Wow, flashing back to my middle school days now, what a rush!

In the present, Barry practices “How Deep is Your Love” with the final four. Barry does not find it off-putting to be working with mostly ladies, since he has worked with Barbra, Diana and Celine. It’s strange how Barry has totally become Sean Connery with long hair.

Melinda is up first and she will be performing “Love You Inside and Out.” Barry says he “sings like a lady” himself so he is good with her version of this song. Tonight, Mel is cute as ever in all black attire and funky bracelets. She makes the song all her own and as always she does not miss a note. Judges do not seem to be very impressed though. Randy is “not jumping up and down.” Paula did not go “whoa whoa whoa” but admires the consistent goodness. Simon was “expecting incredible” and plays the back up vocalist card. Jerk. The STHU music cuts him off which proves that everybody loves Mindy Doo.

Blake is next and he chose “You Should Be Dancing” and Barry says that he likes the beat boxing spin that Blake puts on the song. Tonight Blake has some stylish blond highlights going and one of Sgt. Pepper’s jackets. There is way too much of that stuttering mess that he is so proud of and it goes on way too long. So glad when it’s finally mercifully over. The judges are relieved also it seems. Randy says the beat boxing was “corny.” Paula flubs around and mutters something about pitchiness. Simon barely gets a jab in before the music cuts him right off. Ryan tries to beat box his segue and it’s just wrong.

For absolutely no reason known to anyone, LaKisha has chosen “Staying Alive” as her first song. Barry is okay with her version and looks forward to hearing it live with the band. Wish someone had told her that we bigger gals should never ever wear those stretchy type pants in public. She puts an odd twist to such a well known song but it’s so funny to hear the “I’m a dancing sistah” line. Judges don’t like it at all. Randy says there was “too much going on.” Paula says “taking the tempo down” was a mistake. For some reason, the Cue The Music folks (who were so quick to cut Simon off before) let him go on and on and on and on for his critique of Kiki. Hmmm, conspiracy anyone??

It’s Viewer Question time and Jordin sits on the spaceship stools with Ryan. She chats about what she has learned about herself and she says she can “handle a lot more than she thought” and her grades are good, thank you very much.

At rehearsal, Barry is totally blown away with Jordin’s rendition of “To Love Somebody.” Tonight she is wearing an ugly dress with jeans. Gawd, I thought Princess P took this look down and killed it last year. Must be a teenage thing so I ask the resident expert, My Kid. She concurs that yes the look is over, so what the heck is this? Retro already? It does not really matter since Jordin sings better than she has ever before and even the judges agree. Randy says it was “kinda like a Mariah throwback vibe to Aretha” or something to that effect. Paula says it was the “BEST vocal so far tonight.” Simon actually echoes Paula on that and surprisingly does not tell her that the amoeba dress is ugly.

Before Melinda does her second song, it’s her turn on the spaceship stools with a fan question. She cutely reveals that the first cassette tape she bought was Michael Jackson’s Bad. Great, now THAT song will be stuck in my head all night.

In the practice session with Barry, Melinda changes the lyrics a bit on “How Do You Mend a Broken Heart.” She doesn’t want to sing the “loser” line and who can blame her. Barry thinks she is totally awesome. Once again she sings elegantly and perfectly. There are no boundaries with this wonderful lady. Judges somewhat agree and if they don’t who really cares? Not me, heh. Randy calls her the “resident pro.” Paula says she is a “throwback to Stephanie Mills” but wants to be surprised mumble bumble. Simon teases that Mindy does not understand what Paula is trying to say and then announces that she will be in the finals. We already knew this but thanks.

Blake’s second number is an obscure Bee Gees song called “This is Where I Came In” or something like that. Barry is shocked at this choice since it was a flop. This is reminiscent of Chris D. choosing an unknown Queen song last year but I digress. Since I have never heard the original version of this song, Blake’s rendition is kinda cool. This is way better than the first fiasco he did tonight. He only does a little of the beat boxing which is nice. My Kid loves Blake more than ever and wants some red tennis shoes to match his. Judges are mixed. Randy says “you don’t have to beat box every single time man.” Paula calls him the “contemporary rebel.” Simon seems actually annoyed with Blake with his song choice. Ryan and Blake joke about Simon just not “getting” it.

For no apparent reason at all, Judge Judy takes over the show for a few minutes. Now there’s 45 seconds of my life I will not ever get back. And now Ryan is all in a hurry.

LaKisha will be doing the ballad “Run to Me” as her second song. Barry tries to coach her on the best way to change the chords, but five bucks says that she WILL NOT take his advice. Ha! I need to go to Vegas baybee. As usual she does the opposite of what the mentors tell her. This is actually a very good performance from Queen LaKisha though, and her dress is very pretty. Much better this time around even though her voice gives out on the last note. Will the judges let her live that down? Pushed-for-time-in-a-hurry Randy says “much better than the first joint.” Paula says she is “still a champ.” Simon says it “still wasn’t great.” Ryan puts his arm around Kiki and she even gets a little squeeze. He can be pretty cool sometimes, that Ryan.

For her last song, Jordin is taking on the Streisand classic “Woman in Love” which seems to be a big challenge. Barry predicts that Jordin will be one of the biggest female recording artists ever and I concur. Even though she is not 100% perfection on the song tonight, she does indeed do a very good job. Her dress is much better than the outfit before also; she looks like a movie star. What a beautiful and adorable little gal! Judges are kinda offended about her taking on Barbra. Randy says “pitchy all the way through.” Paula plays the “you’re beautiful” card. Simon says that everything was “pageanty” and reminds everyone for the trillionth time that Jordin is only seventeen. Nooooo, really??

Recap time… The best song of the night was Jordin’s first one and the worst was Blake’s first one. So says Aunt Pearl anyways. Prediction for exit tomorrow is LaKisha.

Until tomorrow folks when Barry Gibbs Connery will perform and we will be one step closer to crowning a winner. No “Jive Talkin’!!”

The Poor Man’s Justin Timberlake

Being buzz cut and sweetly dimpled wasn't enough to launch Chris Richardson to the Top this season. He attempted to perform songs that Elliott Yamin and Chris Daughtry did much better last year. Good thing he has other talents to fall back on ...

Per his official AI web page:
"Q: What other talents do you have?
A: Guitar, drums, piano, drawings, songwriter, poetry."

From his exit interview:
"Q: Do you have any advice for future "Idol" contestants?
A: Just be yourself. Don't settle for what they tell you you should do. Make sure you always stay true to yourself, because if you try to change because three people tell you to change, you're only fooling yourself. "

Word!!

Phil, the Navy Family Man

When Phil chose “Blaze of Glory,” he knew it would be his adios song. What a classy guy and an inspiration to military folks everywhere. He will be missed.

Phil’s official AI page
"Q: What has been your proudest moment in life so far?
A: Marrying the most amazing woman on the planet and then, of course, meeting my babies."

His navy career may cause him to miss the AI tour this summer.
"Q: Did your Navy brothers tease or applaud you?

A: I got a lot of support. Up front they made fun of me when I went to the auditions. Once I got on the show they were nothing but supportive. They sent me lots of text messages."

Article from the Navy Times
"Stacey’s “American Idol” career began as a debt to a buddy. Stacey’s mother, Andrell, a nurse in Smyrna, Tenn., told The (Nashville) Tennessean on April 11 that Stacey had agreed to sing at his friend’s wedding, but that when he couldn’t make it, the friend told Stacey the only way he could make good was by auditioning for “American Idol” in Memphis, which he did. The rest is history."

Check out the adorable audio clip of Phil’s daughter on his myspace page.

'Twas the Night for Two to Go Home

May 2, 2007

Tonight’s recap in rhyme:

They played nice last week and no one went home,
But before the end of tonight’s show, 2 will be gone.
Ryan’s shirt doesn’t match his jacket again,
But at least there’s no stubble on his cute widdle chin.
He jokes that there will be no “filler” tonight;
The audience groans and laughs with delight.
Simon looks smug as he aggravates “Pauler,”
Then he and Ryan get into their typical squaller.
The highlights are shown from the rock and roll show -
Jamming with Bon Jon Jovi is a good way to go.
Phil “never drew first” but call him “young gun;”
Melinda says she “can’t rock” but she has a lot of fun.
Jordin didn’t have “a prayer” but she did her best;
Blake “shot through the heart” with that beatboxing mess.
LaKisha made a comeback and even got a kiss;
Chris ain’t a “cowboy” (Daughtry did better than this).
Ryan hits the Farmer’s Market for his “man-on-the-street;”
Then Blake tells us all how he gets that funky beat.
Jordin is sorry for a song not so great;
Phil was a preacher’s kid so rock had to wait.
LaKisha would kiss mean ol’ Simon again,
But he has a girlfriend so they can only be friends.
Ryan reminds us that the charity show did great.
Wow, Ruben Studdard has lost a whole lot of weight.
Melinda feels blessed and keeps Ryan on track,
As the highlights begin for “Idol Gives Back.”
“Shocking results” and Ellen thought it was her;
Should have been Stiller, silly man was a nerd.
Jack Black was funny and Carrie was pretty;
Staying Alive was a star-studded diddy.
Josh Groban on stage with the children was delightful;
Simon singing “Dontcha” for The Simpsons was frightful.
Celine performing a duet with Elvis was strange;
Annie Lennox and Madonna have seen better days.
Kelly C was rocking out in Janis Joplin-mode,
And we all thought that Jordin was hitting the road.
Thank goodness they all stayed; that would have been bad,
Then Bono was there to make us all sad.
Performing tonight is some guy who is “hot” (?)
He’s kinda cute but his falsetto is not.
Fantasia still has a lisp, bless her sweet heart,
Then the kids “Paint it Black” in a red Ford car.
Go vote now for the Coronation song,
As we prepare for the first of the night to be gone.
Phil is the first one leaving us tonight;
He leaves “in a blaze of glory,” so it is all right.
Underwood sings as we tell him good-bye;
He’s a class act as everyone (except Jordin) cries.
Dial Idol is lame; please don’t waste your dough.
Will Chris or Blake be the next one to go?
Bon Jovi sings, and that Jon is so fine!!
He was John Francis Bongiovi at one time.
Taylor can’t read from cue cards at all,
And now it is time for Chris R’s last call.
No surprise here, we knew Blake was safe,
But it’s sad to break up the duo called “Cake.”
The journey of Chris plays as Daughtry sings “Home;”
One more sing-out and then Timberfake is gone.
Next week the Top Four will do sounds of Bee Gees;
Just call it “Three Divas and a Babe-y”

The Top 6 “Have a Nice Day” Indeed!

May 1, 2007

Jon Bon Jovi is on tonight y’all!! YAY!!

Since no one left during the Very Special Charity Ep, we still have our Original Six. Ryan has lost his razor, his tie, and his ability to match shirt and jacket. Big whoops coming from the audience tonight which includes both Gina and that skanky internet gal, can’t remember her name.

First off, Ryan gives a ginormous THANKS to everyone who donated last week to Idol Gives Back. 70 million dollars was raised. This is a very good thing, and not to take away from the magnitude of the venture, but… I heard on the radio today that NewsCorp is trying to buy the Wall Street Journal for five BILLION dollars. Yeah. Kinda makes that 5 mill they “donated” look like laundry tokens. Oh well…

On to Bon Jovi... Montage reminds us that they are a phenomenal 80s “vanilla rock” band, of the big hair and flashy clothes. These days, Jon looks better than ever; he has truly gotten better with age. Watching him on this show makes me want to watch that movie again, the one where he plays The Painter With No Name… hold on a sec while I confer with IMDB… Moonlight and Valentino – it is a decent movie and he is the most memorable part of it. I did not realize how many acting roles he has had. Cool. But I digress while lusting…

The contestants will be doing Bon Jovi songs tonight. Wow, what a concept – they are actually doing the songs of the coach/mentor of the week. First up is Phil, he of the sweet smile and Joan Crawford brows. During the practice session, Jon is very impressed with Phil, as he should be; the guy sings his butt off on “Blaze of Glory.” Phil comes out from the audience, all Hicks-like, and he does not miss a single note of this song. He’s wearing a cool jacket too; My Kid likes it a lot. Randy plugs that he recorded that song with Bon Jovi (Paula and Randy fake snore; I love it when they do that) and then tells Phil that it was his best since country week. Paula says it was the best show opener of the season so far. Simon says it was okay and then goes on and on with the negative vibe. I mean, it is so obvious that he wants him gone with a capital GONE. Navy buds sitting in the audience cheering him on, so Phil is a winner no matter what the results are tomorrow night.

Ryan chats with Gina in the audience, who looks a bit uncomfortable. She so totally knows that she should still be up there on that stage especially during rock week.

So Jordin is next and right off the bat she makes a big faux pas. Of course she is just a mere child and doesn’t know any better, but she tells Jon and his pianist that her Mom loves them. Oops, this is the one thing that no one likes to hear, especially celebs with their extra big egos. Tonight Jordin gets the 2-guitarists-on-the-stage-with-her treatment as she sings “Living on a Prayer.” She sports a Chaka Khan fro and (perhaps as a shout out to Gina?) she has some red streaks going. I adore Jordin and am pulling for her to win this thing… but this style of music is just not her. Bless her heart, she is out of her element and the low notes are painful. She brings it home though on the last few glory notes. Jordin agrees with the judges as they dis' her on her performance tonight; “I recognize,” she says. Paula tells her that she is still hot and understands how doing a song from a hot boy band would be hard. Simon says that it was terrible and her look is like something from out of the Addams Family. This nudges Ryan to call him Herman Munster, which is a different show but still funny. All making fun of Simon is good.

Ryan tries to get LaKisha to sit on the spaceship stool but she jokes that she wants the camera to get her “slim side.” The question of the week for LaKisha is about prior vocal training and she says that she learned in church. And she is gonna bring a little sumpin sumpin up in the house tonight.

Since LaKisha has only seen Bon Jovi on Oprah, she is not familiar with his music. So she is out of her comfort zone and trying to learn something brand new. She is going to sing a song I’ve never heard before, “This Ain’t a Love Song.” Jon is very impressed with her. At least she is not doing something that we have already heard a thousand times, and I am pretty sure that this has not been recorded by a previous Idol winner. (Snark.) LaKisha brings diva soul back with her rendition of this power ballad. I would buy this record RIGHT NOW. This is by far her best performance yet, based on the Aunt Pearl-o-meter. The audience certainly agrees, as they shout and cheer. Randy says she blew that out da box. Paula agrees that she gave everyone a little sumpin sumpin. Simon says, “I actually could kiss you after that” and then proceeds to do just that. Okay, that was awkward. But at least she seems to have a modicum of gratitude to still be in the contest.

Commercials… who besides me absolutely loathes those trashy “news” shows where every other story features a trollop with a trust fund? They are the TV equivalent to the tabloid papers; you know the ones – all the news that’s fit to line your bird cage with. But moving on…

Our very own style maven Blake is up next and here’s to hoping that he does well. I really want to get on the Blake-wagon again. Jon seems to be skeptical that Blake is putting his own spin on the classic “You Give Love a Bad Name.” Tonight he has gone all Hillary Duff and Cameron Diaz on us by dying his hair brown for no apparent reason at all. He does the beat boxing stuff right off the bat then hits it big time in the middle as he jams with the drummer. Otherwise his singing is just kinda meh and karaoke. I am not impressed with the Blakeman. The audience goes completely wild. Randy says it was the most original version of a song on AI ever and it was hot. Paula echoes Randy and adds that it was amazing. Were they watching the same show?? Simon says that half the audience will love it and half will hate it. Count me in the latter half. Simon himself is in the first. Ugh.

Chris is next but he first has to sit on the spaceship stools with Ryan. We want to know what he thinks of when he walks out of stage, and Chris is about as decipherable as that Nelly Fertado song but finally says “just have fun.”

Okay, right off the bat, I have to leave the room since Chris is doing a song that Chris Daughtry did last year, “Wanted Dead or Alive.” Double ugh. And Jon doesn’t seem to be too thrilled during the practice session either. I turn the volume down really low so that my dogs do not freak out on me, but that does not stop Chris from doing the “devil eyes” through the TV screen. Y’know he really is cute and I wish that his singing was not so appallingly bad. Let me guess, the judges will love this… My Kid and I take bets on it… Randy says he made it his own and he liked that baby. Paula says you did your thing. Simon ponders if it was good enough to stay in the competition or not. So I win 2/3 of the bet with My Kid. This time last year, I lost a cell phone bet with her (see the Kellie Pickler oustage entry for more details.)

Saving the best for last… Melinda!!! Jon tries to reassure her that she CAN rock and that she DOES have the chops and tells her to take it to church when she sings “Have a Nice Day.” She says okay, and jams out with them during practice. He then tells her that she can join his band and gives her a hug. This is most definitely the best practice session so far, as Jon looked overjoyed to work with Mel. She is so adorable trying to get the rock horns right. Once again, she proves that she has no boundaries, and once again I change who I love the most in this competition. It is Melinda Doolittle all the way. I want her CD RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Oh my gosh she is so good. It makes me so happy to watch her that I just want to cry. And yes I know that sounds like a paradox. What an amazing performer, I can not take my eyes off her. I rewind my DVR three times and watch it again before listening to the judges. Randy says she had a Tina Turner vibe going. Paula asks, “How does it feel to be a rock star?” Simon agrees with Randy and adds that vocally she was in a class all by herself. True absolutely true.

Surprisingly, now we have a word from our President of the U.S. and his First Lady, thanking America and AI for the money raised last week for the children. No matter what your politics may be, that was a sweet gesture.

Recap time… Phil is excellent, Jordin okay, LaKisha wonderful, Blake weird, Chris ugh, and Melinda fantastic!

My guesses to leave tomorrow are Chris (yay) and Phil (no yay, he was good and deserves to stay.)

Over all a very good night for 80s rock fans. Gotta hand it to the AI band, they jammed out big time. Very good show… now I need to go fill up my NetFlix queue with some of Jon Bon Jovi's vids. Hubba hubba. (-: