The episode starts with heretofore unseen footage of contestants confessing what they used to want to be when they grow up. We hear everything from journalist to veterinarian. Some of these should have stuck with those dreams. Because -
AMERICA HAS SPOKEN
Recap from last night – Naima wants a sweet old-fashioned notion, Paul has pneumonia and the blues, Thia sings with all the voices of the mountains, James will live and die for you, Haley has given you everything, Stefano will never never never know by now, Pia will find her broken hearted way home, Scotty doesn’t want to go too far, Karen will lead you back where you belong, Casey feels stupid and contagious, Lauren will walk across a fire for you, Jacob got by on his own 'til now.
One of the twelve will be going home tonight. Or will they? Perhaps they will get the Judges Save. (Doubtful.)
Don’t forget to text donations to the American Red Cross for Japan. I’ve helped by downloading the iTunes versions of all the songs from last night, even the crappy ones. I got last week’s songs also and have been listening to them in my car. Some of them are super good and should be on the radio today.
Ryan greets the audience with an Irish accent. Silly Seacrest - tricks are for kids. We love you though. We get to see a baby picture of Lee DeWyze, last year’s Idol champ. I didn’t watch at all last year but have seen a couple of performances on MJs Big Blog and Rickey.org. They are my favorite AI web sites - lots of great info there. I probably would have rooted for Crystal Bowersox last year.
We also see baby pics of the BEPs and they are Grammy winners, so don’t be hatin.’ My Kid Tru doesn’t like them. I don’t think that they are the worst that the music biz has to offer. That one song “I Gotta Feeling” is my “feel good” song. It just makes me smile every time I listen to it.
It’s time for our top 12 to do the weekly group number; it sounds like they have a mixture of recorded and live singing. The medley starts out as “Born to be Wild,” changes to “Born this Way,” then it’s a hodge-podge of both. I liked the Gaga song a whole lot better when it was called “Express Yourself” by Madonna, but that is another discussion for another time. The kids do a good job with this mash-up and they are obviously having a blast. Pointy Poses Forever!!
The Ford music video is for a song called “Val Kilmer” that I’ve never heard. There are some funny scenes – Lauren tied to a chair is a dream come true for a lot of folks, heh. Jacob gets to be a TV journalist, like he said in the interview at the beginning of the show. I think that Durbs was a serial killer in “the movie.” Stefano and Haley are paired romantically and the crowd goes awwwwww.
Because it’s the 10th anniversary of the show, there is a compilation CD coming out. Ryan makes like Oprah and tells the audience that there’s a copy under everyone’s seat. They cheer and pretend that they don't already have these songs on their iPods.
New interviews are next, this time to learn more about “what defines our Idols.” Scotty is a cut-up, Karen is adorable in any language, Thia is a bot which we knew, Jacob is a self-described square, Casey is a moon walker, and the girls that aren’t Lauren like to make fun of her accent. There are other things but the most important is we learn that if you say "shih tzu" on Idol you will get bleeped. WTH??
It’s time to dim the lights but instead Irish Kieran goes with a green glow and a St. Patrick’s Day motif. Love! My entire cube at work is decorated in green.
First to be brought forth are Jacob, Lauren, and Casey. We’re glad that Casey is back on the show and in good health. Ryan gets the judges to talk about pitch and whatnot for one thousand years, then sends Jacob back to safety. In case no one was listening, Lauren was sick last night and can’t be held accountable for any adverse actions. That is how it is with too many kids today. Not responsible. The teen is sent to the couch. We think that Ryan is trying to rupture Casey’s ulcer again, as he demands an explanation from Steven for last night’s comment about GOOP. It’s a newsletter by Gwyneth Paltrow RYAN. Tell Casey he is safe already. Bless his heart, he finally does.
Next to walk the plank – Haley and Paul. Haley is wearing short-shorts from the J.Lo collection. Please Haley, if you make it, don’t go Scarnato on us, ‘kay? At least she promises to sing better. Paul seems to be wearing the same shirt as Randy. He says he’s been taking meds for his wretched performance last night. The alt/indie Paul is safe and Haley is bottom 3 again.
In the audience tonight is the bald guy from J.Lo’s new music video and also her hubby. And some guy who looks like Kenny Rogers but isn’t. (We know this because the real Kenny’s been botoxed beyond recognition.)
Seeing this Lee DeWyze guy makes me wish I’d watched last year. The critics call last season the very worst of all, but if Lee is any indication it must not have been too bad. His song is called “Beautiful Like You” and it’s pleasant enough. Ryan chats with Lee and he tells the contestants that no matter what happens on the show, they should keep going with their music.
Ryan reminds the booing audience that Haley is B3 because of their votes. Next to learn their fate are Scotty, Pia, and James. When Ryan asks Scotty if he was singing for a special lady, he glances to the couches but quickly catches himself. Hmmm. He’s safe. Pia stands there waiting her turn and I can’t help but think that she is one nose job away from looking like a total movie star. My Kid Tru thinks that Pia gives out a “better-than-you-ness” vibe but I disagree. No matter, she’s safe. Which leaves us with Durbin – I wonder if James is totally letting the hype go to his head. Maybe it’s an act to go along with his rocker vibe. He’s safe, so we can only hope he dials the arrogance (faux or not) down a notch. Both Steven and his Falcon Crest blouse are HIGH-larious tonight.
When Stefano and Naima are brought to the stage, it’s evident from body language that they are both tense. Jen starts to flirt with Stef but perhaps realizes that her hubby is a few rows back, whoops. Naima gives a bit of “tude” about being called pitchy all the dang time. When Naima is sent to the B3 stools, Stef pulls her back for a hug. This makes me and Tru go “awwww.”
Karen and Thia are next. Will it be warm and funny Karen or the contestant who defines robotic pageant T1000 blandness? They are both super gorgeous tonight, but it’s the Bot that’s safe. Karen is sent to the B3 group. Thia will be in the competition for the long haul. Think Jasmine Trias the Sequel or Ramiele Malubay Part 2. At least Thia has a better voice than Ramiele, so that’s a plus.
The Black Eyed Peas are premiering their new song called “Just Can’t Get Enough” and they say it’s about love and dedicate it to their Friends in Japan. Silly BEPs, this song is totally about s.e.x. Like most of their songs, the guys are auto-tuned and Fergie is the only one who really sings (somewhat.) I usually like her performances, but tonight she looks like a fembot from the Austin Powers movies. The green fingernails must be in honor of St Pat’s day. By the time they get to the “switch-up” part, I’m bored and go raid the freezer for a Klondike bar. The things we do for one!
Reminder - text RedCross 90999 to donate. Reminder number next – bottom three are Haley, Naima, and Karen. Sent to safety first is Naima. Karen is the one who will do the Sing for Your Life One More Time. Why do they put these kids through this agony? They won’t use the save this early in the contest.
Karen sings “Hero” and without the evening gown, she is less pageant-like than when she did this song before. Will the contestant that looks like Jennifer’s younger sister get another chance to be voted off again next week? Randy says NO and that it wasn’t unanimous. I didn’t know he knew big words like that. Jen is piiiiiiiisssssssed!
We see the montage of Karen’s adventures on Idol and she is like a grown-up Dora the Explorer. She represented “her people” well but it’s hasta la vista to the New York beauty. David Cook reminds everyone “don’t forget about her” in song. (Have I mentioned yet today how much I love David Cook? Next to Nathan Fillion, I love him more than any other celebrity.)
Quotes:
Scotty: My brains weren’t astronaut material.
Lauren: I speak one language. And that’s … Spanish.
Next week the final 11 contestants will sing Motown songs. Just once I’d like to see them do “themes not used on the show before.” So not gonna happen.
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