At the beginning of season ten approximately half the population of planet Earth tried out for American Idol. Now we are down to just two.
Two hour finale tonight! Spoilers on the ‘net promise lots of surprises. “Who do you love?” Ryan wants to know. And now that song is stuck in our heads. Thanks Seacrest.
Over 122 million votes were cast, a new record. All in all the season total of votes equal almost the amount of money that Oprah made this year.
They Who Must Not Be Named are already seated. My Kid Tru asks me why I am so down on the judges after spending weeks as their biggest fan. I don’t have all night to explain it. Got a show to blog!
The adorables come out to the stage, and they are both dressed in white. I have grown fond of both of these kids. Lauren and Scotty – here’s hoping that when you get grown you’ll end up together, and H'wood will make a Lifetime movie of your journey. Seriously. That would be epic.
We see a quick shot of Chattanooga and Raleigh where cheering fans are holding viewing events. Looks like more folks are at the RBC Center, but that could just be me being partial.
The top 13 lip synch Lady Gaga’s “Born this Way.” It would be so HIGH-larious if they opened the big door and Madonna came out and started singing “Express Yourself.” How Gagme got away with ripping that off remains an unsolved mystery. But I digress… The group number is as cheesy as ever which is why we love it. Long live the pointy pose!
Judas Priest and James Durbin beg us all once again to “give metal a chance.” The Durbs looks like he’s ready for a Village People reunion. Pyro! James sounds really good here. It’s like old metal meets new. Their version of “Breaking the Law” makes me giggle. My mom just turned 67 and she is a big James fan; I bet she is loving this gig.
A video montage showing the “best of” Randy Jackson (the veteran) being in it to win it. He is amused at the drinking game that he has created this year.
Next to perform are Jacob Lusk with gospel star Kirk Franklin; they are here to take us to church. They sing “Smile,” then Gladys Knight joins them with a full-fledged choir. There is a shout out to tornado victims with a text number to donate to the American Red Cross.
Casey Abrams is on stage with a couch singing “Fat Bottomed Girls.” Of all the Queen songs, why this one? Oh, so that scantily clad back-up dancers can prance on stage. Jack Black joins in; Tru loves him in School of Rock. At first I thought he was Randy Hickey. As a singer he is a good comedian. We still adore Casey, but this act is more like an SNL skit.
Next the ladies of the top 13 take the stage dressed in red. They start with “Single Ladies” and then go into a Beyonce medley. Karen sounds really good, and Naima of course still has the moves. Haley sounds awesome on “If I Were a Boy.” And Pia, oh how we missed you. Then Beyonce Herself comes out to sing “Crazy in Love.” Hugs to all the girls. She shows them how it is done.
The Steven Tyler highlight reel is shown next. We are reminded of when he was funny and sassy and a huge old flirt. Man, the things that ancient rockers can get away with.
My girl Haley is up next to sing a duet with Tony Bennett. Tru and I both wonder why she got the 85-year- old, but you know what? He is fabulous and so is she; that was some good “Stepping Out.” It’s so strange that Tru and I are the only Haley fans that we know personally. There have to be more – she made top three after all.
The most beautiful woman in the world (according to People magazine) gets her judge montage next. it’s all about the fawning. And I am a-yawning. See, I am a poet.
The R&B group TLC, minus the one who died but plus Lil Jon, sing a medley. Then the ladies of the Idol 13 come out. Their mics seem to be turned down. Lauren is absent in this group performance. Just realized that she wasn’t in the Beyonce group either. The TLC gals sound rough tonight.
Scotty and country superstar Tim McGraw sing the song “Live Like You Were Dying.” Scotty and Tim sound really good together. Goodness, Faith Hill’s hubby is hot. He is a decent actor too, especially in Blind Side. Tru doesn’t remember this, but when she was three, she sang his songs all the time. “I Like It I Love It” was her favorite.
The DJ wannabe from earlier in the season does a mock W-IDOL to do highlights of the best of the very worst of the auditions this year. The “unsung heroes” segment reminds us of why the early rounds were so entertaining. Because mocking obtuse people is fun, especially when they literally fall flat on their faces.
An angry mummified corpse is singing some kind of Spanish ditty. Oh wait, it’s J.Lo's hubby Marc Anthony. He is surrounded by flamenco dancers, and then she shows up midway to shake her booty. The marvelous Sheila E. is on drums. Marc just seems irritated all the time for some reason.
A video of the losing Idols is shown next and it’s full of sass and humor. Casey and James are really funny as they battle for the most shocking boot. They could definitely do a sitcom. It turns out that Pia is the most shocking, and she has the sash and tiara to prove it.
Boys in black from the top 13 take the stage to do the Prince song “Kiss.” Stefano shines on this one. Wait, it must be a Tom Jones medley because they do “She’s a Lady" with Paul on lead. Then that stupid pussycat song, but James and Casey can add humor to anything. Finally Tom Jones himself shows up. When did he turn into Fred Sanford? All in all a good time is had by all.
The last Ford music video of the season is of Scotty and Lauren singing “Whenever You Remember.” They sound good together. A highlight reel of previous videos is shown. Zombies! Superheroes! Spies! Oh yeah and Fords.
Ryan introduces Scotty and Lauren’s favorite teachers next. On their hometown visits the contestants invited them to the finale. Tonight the teachers each get a Ford Focus as a surprise.
The final two contestants also each get a Ford; they get to choose which one they want. Those cars will come in handy when they learn how to drive.
Lady Gaga comes back to perform her new song “Edge of Glory.” She stands on something that looks like a big rock, which reminds me of a Buffy quote - Spike: “It’s a big rock. I can’t wait to tell all my friends. They don’t have a rock this big.” Some famous sax player shows up. Gagme makes out with some shirtless dude. Hide your kids’ eyes, mommas; the show just turned R-rated.
Next to the stage is our own Lauren Alaina who sings the Carrie song about keying 4-wheel-drives and whatnot. Then Carrie herself joins her on stage. Wow she has grown into a true performer. Gone are the Carrie-bot days. Say whoa to awesomeness. It’s very admirable how Ms. Underwood stands back to let Lauren shine.
In the funniest video I have seen in a long long while, the other contestants reveal their “true feelings” about the final two being mere children. It starts out serious but then gets funny. There is some untapped acting talent among this group.
Beyonce is back AGAIN to showcase a new ballad. Not sure what it’s called but she shouts “make love to me” about a thousand times. Geesh, family SHOW. At least she’s dressed. Proof that you can perform well without standing on top of a piano half nekkid, Gagme.
I like Beyonce and most of the other stars that they’ve had on the show tonight, but it seems like they could have had more past Idol recognition on the finale. Last year’s winner Lee DeWyze was sitting in the audience. I also spotted David Cook and Micheal Johns, and there were probably tons more. Just saying. Drink your own Kool-Aid, American Idol.
We have read about Spiderman being made into a Broadway musical and that there have been hardships. Some very extremely handsome young man joins Bono and The Edge on stage to sing a song called “Rise Above.” Wow this is a great song. A guy in a Spidey suit is aerialing his way above the Nokia. He makes a stop to hang upside down in front of J.Lo, but she is not doing the kiss thing like Mary Jane Watson.
Steven (sans Aerosmith) plays piano and gently sings “Dream On.” Then he kicks it up a notch and swings his be-scarved mic stand around. Look out orchestra! When he hits the high note, look out glass objects! “That was just beautiful.” “He is in it to win it.” “Y’know I’m in love wit’ch you.”
Finally it’s time to learn the results from the 122 million votes. Scotty looks handsome and Lauren is gorgeous in her yellow dress. They goof off while the requisite British guy brings Ryan the envelope.
Scotty is the winner! Lauren seems to be fine. Scotty hugs Lauren and she gives him a kiss right on the lips. In his short speech he says that he and Lauren have been together since the beginning and they will stay together. Then he thanks The Lord; I love this kid for that the most.
It’s time for Scotty to sing the “Big” song again. He hugs his parents and various family members in the audience. Jack Black is left standing there like - where’s my hug? So funny!
Back on the stage Scotty hugs all of the top 13, and then falls to the floor crying. He hops back up though like a trooper. Because he is a kid he tries to catch the confetti like snow. Lauren keeps kissing him on the cheek over and over. Such cute young'ens.
Quotes:
Ryan: I promise I will try to get it in before your DVRs stop this year.
Ryan: Nice abs.
James: We’re the shocker rockers.
Ryan: You guys have hot teachers.
Now it’s time to watch the news footage from the action that is happening right down the road - 8200 people at the RBC center. Whew what a season! Here’s a proud North Carolina gal signing off, with sniffles.
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