“Their journey began as a humble dream,” so say the placards. A typical teenage girl who likes to tumble in the front yard. A southern high school boy who plays baseball. A jazzy blonde bombshell who sings the blues. We see a brief snippet of each of the three’s hometown visits and will get more details on that tomorrow night.
The judges arrive but they are of no consequence to me. I am very disappointed at the direction our star/fan relationship has headed. So hmmmph!
Some yahoo in the audience has a homemade sign that says THANK U FORD. I agree - yes Ford, thanks for ripping me off on that Escort, much appreciated.
Ryan reminds everyone that next week the final two will perform on Tuesday with results on Wednesday. Why? We don’t know. Perhaps that is the only time they could get the Nokia Theater.
As we all know, the top three got sent home in style last weekend. Scotty’s venue was about 10 miles from our house but we didn’t want to fight the crowds. I watched it on the local news and that was good enough.
For the first time, the fourth place contestant got a hometown visit. We see about ten seconds of the footage from James Durbin’s return to Santa Cruz.
The top 3 come out and wow – their outfits are the best of the 70s, 80s and 90s. My Kid Tru tells me that I have no fashion sense. So I guess white go-go boots, faded denim jackets and black fringe are making a comeback. Who knew?
This year’s top three episode is the same format as usual – contestants’ choice, producer's choice (in this case, Jimmy), and then judges’ choice.
The mentor for the first song is mega star Beyonce. Every time I hear or see her name I immediately start singing “to the left, to the left.” It’s just a thing that happens automatically. In her montage, we see Mrs. Jay-Z go from Destiny’s Child to Dream Girls, with 16 Grammys in between.
Beyonce says that there is something special about each of the three contestants. She will be tutoring them from a lovely wood-paneled piano room with a splendid garden view.
After the Beyonce clip, the camera cuts back to the judges and their reactions are comical. Jennifer gives “Eff You” face, Randy claps as an afterthought, and Steven wakes up to mouth “Hi mom” or whatever to the camera. Did I mention that I am over these three?
First up is Scotty and his personal song choice is “Amazed.” Beyonce exclaims “that’s my boy” and pretends to know the band Lonestar. He sounds good during practice and as always delivers a calm, confident performance on stage tonight. We agree with Ms. Knowles, he is a cutie pie. He must have caught a “buy one plaid shirt, get three free sale” at Kohl's or wherever he shops in H’wood. The judges profess their devotion and Randy name drops. Scotty drops a name too – he says he put a little “Casey growl” in his first song tonight. That young Scotty, he “jest keeps gettin' better.”
In the piano room, Lauren is thrilled to meet Beyonce. The superstar likes Lauren’s loose and fun performances the best. She tries to explain her Sasha Fierce persona to the teenager, but it does not seem to compute. Tonight Lauren has chosen the Faith Hill version of “Wild One” for her first song. It’s a tune she knows well and she has fun with it. A couple of weeks ago Lauren said that the stylists were trying to kill her and tonight there is proof of that. I hope she waters the huge flower earrings before they wither. The judges “little baby” did great but she is still holding back.
Our gal Haley has been warned a thousand times about doing the lesser known songs, but she doesn’t care. Even Beyonce is confused as to why the songstress has chosen a Led Zeppelin tune for contestant’s choice. Haley explains that she has performed this with her family band. Once again she proves that being a risk taker pays off – her rendition of “What Is and What Should Never Be” is fantastic. Having her dad playing guitar on stage with her adds to the energy of the performance. Even a stumble up the stairs doesn’t stop Miss Reinhart from owning round one!
Terra Nova = CAN’T WAIT! A weird guy in a dog costume is in the audience. Tru says it’s from an upcoming sitcom that I will not be watching. Donnie Darko still gives me nightmares.
There’s no more Clive Davis, so producer and season 10 mentor Jimmy Iovine picked the songs for the next round.
On the chat stools with Scotty, we see the initial audition footage again of “lock them doors” and Steven’s duck abuse. After trying to explain Tom Petty, Jimmy’s choice for Scotty is a song called “Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not” by a group I have not heard of before. Google tells me that Thompson Square is not only a landmark in Boston but also a husband/wife country duo. This is a very recent hit song on country radio, so fans of that genre will be thrilled. Scotty plays guitar and sings the light-hearted song as well as ever. The judges state the obvious when they tell Scotty that ten crazillion tweeners are drooling. Jen wants him to get the buzz cut again. (Nooo.)
Ryan is backstage with Lauren – she ripped her hose so a stylist is giving her legs a rub down with the shimmery stuff that J.Lo uses. Some things we do not need to see or know about, RYAN. We flashback to Lauren’s initial audition, when she blew everyone away. Her cancer survivor cousin Holly was with her. Jimmy has chosen a song called “If I Die Young” for Lauren. Well that sounds happy. Tru says that it’s by the band Perry. The lyrics are really sad but Lauren sounds pretty, and like Jimmy said it’s her “sweet spot.” The judges are thrilled that she missed a key change because they are weird like that. Lauren’s lookalike mom gets to talk about how proud she is of her girl.
We are reminded of when Haley auditioned in Milwaukee; it was not her first time around with the show. She also had a mini duet with Steven. Jimmy picked the Fleetwood Mac song “Rhiannon” for Haley. I’ve loved that band forever; Stevie Nicks is one of the coolest artists in rock music history. Thankfully Haley does do justice to the song and dare I say it? I prefer her voice to the original. Our Lady Reinhart is flawless and beautiful, and she even gets a wind machine. Awesome! “Dreams unwind, love’s a state of mind” indeed. She does so much better when she just shuts up and sings. The judges agree but seem to be aware that she is going home tomorrow.
Ryan polls the judges – Steven thinks Lauren took round two, and the others proclaim “Scotty Scotty Scotty.” Jimmy’s in the audience with Neil Sedaka. He is proud of the execution of the song choices he made for the top three.
Now it’s time for shameless product placement of the guest mentor. Beyonce debuts her latest music video “Run the World,” and it’s one of those girl power anthems. It’s in a Mad Max-like setting with Beyonce in the Tina Turner role. It’s a celebration of girls that will run this motha as long as they have great boobs and long legs. The ditty has one of those beats that will rob your brain of necessary cells that you need to function. I probably will download this as soon as it’s on legalsounds, knowing me.
Tru says that J.Lo is probably sitting there thinking, “Wow Beyonce is like me, only younger and with actual talent.” Snark!
For the final round the top three will sing songs chosen by the judges. Which judge picked what we don’t know yet.
For Scotty, it’s the 500-year-old Kenny Rogers song “She Believes in Me.” He learns this while in Lowes Foods during his hometown visit. Scotty’s face says it all: WTH? This song is about a struggling musician who is glad that he has a very supportive wife. Yes, he can definitely relate. Not. The teenager does right by the song and has a very tender moment. He hits notes that we haven’t heard before – the last two are worth the price of admission. The judges trip all over themselves. Ryan lets Scotty’s dad do a shout out in a heart-warming and funny “lock them doors” moment.
Lauren is at the AT&T in Rossville, GA when she learns that her judge pick is “I Hope You Dance.” (This is commonly known this year as “Nuts of Wonder.” See Hollywood Rounds: Scotty McCreery.) Lauren is gorgeous in the Disney prom gown, and this is the perfect song for her. When given a chance to shine on a song she understands, Lauren is great. Tru is so in love with the hot fiddle player that Lauren always gets. Judges are predictably smug at their song choice. It’s funny when Steven makes fun of Randy’s name dropping. If Lee Ann Womack is watching, hopefully she got a giggle. And maybe some “goosies.”
Last but not least, Haley gets her text message. Poor gal is in the limo; no footage of a crowd for her. She is doing the Alanis Morrisette hit “You Oughta Know.” Tru immediately asks about the controversial song lyrics and wonders what the judges were thinking when they picked this for Haley. Of course she changes the "theater" line to something more family friendly. She does okay with the chorus but the verses are too low for her. She is not nearly angry enough at Dave Coulier or whoever. Am glad that she bravely took those stairs again, this time successfully. The judges go on and on forever about choruses.
Once again the judges are divided on who won this round. ST says Haley but Randy and Jen pick Lauren.
Quotes:
Ryan: Scotty - he’s got money and punctuation.
Lauren: I always put my hand on your shoulder. Ryan: That is why they hired me. I am here. I’m like a lean- to.
Steven: Did you fall for me?
Ryan: She looked up and said "somebody’s getting fired."
Randy: I would grow my hair out if I could have the whole wind thing.
Jimmy: I feel like Bruce Springsteen and Garth Brooks had a baby just now.
After the recap, I am convinced that tonight was the night that Haley decided to just go out there and give it her best, results be danged. While I am sure that the final two will consist of teenagers, I have to give my favorite jazzy bluesy gal props for three solid performances. Especially the first one – it rocked the house down. Am off to iTunes to download it right this minute. Because I am in it to win it! (Shut up, it rhymes.)
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