It’s been all over the interwebs this afternoon that Lauren Alaina has lost her voice and might have to drop out of the finale. They say Haley is there practicing in case she needs to fill in at the last minute. Yeah fricking right. Lauren wouldn't drop out if she was rendered mute. Wake up and smell the conspiracy, NIGEL.
While I believe it’s true that Lauren had problems, WHY publicize them to death at this stage of the competition? Read: Publicity stunt to garner the sympathy vote. This producer manipulation is so irritating, but I am going to try not to hold it against the contestant. It’s not her fault she has been pimped out as Lythgoe’s Choice all season.
Okay. Games be danged… on with the finale.
The beginning of the show recalls good memories of Carrie’s win in season four and my favorite champ of all time, David Cook in season seven. Quick montage of Lauren and Scotty as kids (about a year ago.)
The puppets, er, I mean judges arrive. Whoop. Tuxedo’d Ryan says that there are 7,000 fans in the Nokia tonight. The rest of the top 13 are in the audience. We have only an hour tonight for Scotty and Lauren to do three songs each, so let’s get busy.
When the top two teenagers come out on stage, I am reminded of a Buffy quote – Anya: “This isn’t going to get all sexy, is it?” Willow: “I’d be shocked.”
As we figured, they are going to milk this "Lauren’s voice" issue for all it’s worth. They even bring the DOCTOR out on the stage to explain it. My Kid Tru and I both call BS on this. Where was Casey’s doc when he had a ruptured ulcer earlier this year? He just shrugged it off, no drama. Gah.
Again… can’t hold it against the kid. Can’t hold it against the kid. Repeat ten more times.
Deep breath. Okay. Three rounds of singing tonight. Last week, they did the coin toss to see who would go last, which traditionally is the best spot. Scotty won but because he is a gentleman, he deferred to Lauren to decide. In essence, he lost - he will be up first tonight.
The first round will be a repeat of one of the songs the kids did before. In his best tee-shirt and leather jacket, Scotty chooses the upbeat Montgomery Gentry hit “Gone.” He works the crowd and changes it up a bit from last time. Wisely dials down the campiness. Hot fiddle player alert! Evidently the “judges” - and I use sarcastic quotation marks - will be saving their comments until later.
Carrie’s "Flat on the Floor" is the song that Lauren is repeating. She did this great the last time and in spite of all the voice problems, she does fine again. She’s wearing a shiny Star Trek-like outfit. I am really trying to not be skeptical but Jaded is my middle name these days. Surely the viewers are not going to swallow this drama hook line and sinker are they? Still no remarks from the peanut gallery.
The second round includes songs that were picked from the contestants' own idols. If this was a two hour show then perhaps we would get a chance to see these mentors interact with the finials. No chance of that – Seacrest is talking 80 mph.
Scotty’s song was chosen by George Strait. Back in plaid, he is singing “Check Yes or No,” a song that is very special to me. My angel daughter used to love this song and sang it all the time. Scotty plays guitar and does a fine enough job. Funny faces aside, he really is the most adorable human on the planet.
For Lauren, Carrie Underwood chose a song by Pam Tillis called “Maybe it was Memphis.” According to Carrie’s twitter, this is a song that she wanted to do back in her AI day. In her sequined dress with mushroom skirt, Lauren does well with the song, as she always does. It’s still not evident that she has vocal trouble.
Finally the judges speak. And you know what? I really could not care less. Actually there are several other things that I could not care less about but would rather reflect upon instead – the upcoming Glee season finale, Oprah's big good riddance, er I mean farewell, that whiney Meredith voiceover soap about doctors, and that dancing show that has kicked American Idol out of the number one spot. Just to name a few.
The other day I was reading the January entries of this blog. Back then I was full of hope and wonder about this new judge panel. Now? Bring on The Voice and X Factor. I will even settle for America’s Got (Very Little) Talent.
The Coke songwriting contest with Taio Cruz is over, and he is here to perform the song called "Positive." Yes, I am positive that I want to claw my eyes out and poke holes at my ear drums. This sounds like every other song out there but with ghostly drums for backup. And sunglasses indoors = not cool. Next please.
We’re at the final round for Scotty and Lauren tonight. Ryan explains that they will be performing the songs that will be their first singles if they win. Usually both winner and runner up release a song so I expect that both of these tunes will be available for download before daybreak.
Jimmy explains how important this whole “original song” thing is, and the selling of records and whatnot. He is really excited about the song choices. He reminds me of a cartoon character who has dollar signs for eyes.
The song for Scotty is called “I Love You This Big” and it’s a nice ditty with clever word play. Scotty is handsome in a suit from the Jacob Lusk collection. Clips of his Idol journey play in the background while he sings. For the first time he seems a bit nervous, but he does well on a song we’ve never heard. The swaybots are so distracting and annoying.
For Lauren, the song is “Like My Mother Does” which was on Kristy Lee Cook’s album that kerplunked. They don’t mention that part on the show of course. Her montage plays in the background too. Lauren looks lovely and the song is nice enough treacle. Ryan walks her down the stairs so that she can go hug her mom. Thank you show, I needed a really good cry.
Before I can even get flared up about this propping, I see David Archuleta's sweet face in the audience. Awww! Lauren’s mom is sobbing and Lauren has tears also. The three people on the panel hand the contest to Lauren on a silver platter. With shimmer and gloss. Whatevs, it’s time for a girl to win anyway. Poor Scotty is just an afterthought at this point.
Recap time of the six songs, which all went as well as expected. Both of these kids are super talented; they are great singers and performers. Scotty and Lauren each have their own quirks as well, but they can work those out in time. It's heartwarming how sweet those two are with each other.
Finally, the moment that I have waited all evening for… David Cook!!! He is there to sing this year’s boot off song “Don’t You Forget about Me.” He looks and sounds just as wonderful as ever. THIS is how it’s done, y’all. Highlights of the best and worst of season 10 play on the screen behind him.
Quotes:
Ryan: The only doctor in black scrubs.
Ryan: How do you feel about the last Oprah, ladies and gentleman?
Well, they couldn’t have made it more obvious if they’d all been holding up signs that read "Nigel wants Lauren to win." If she loses tomorrow night the producers will blame it on her busted voice. I’d rather see our hometown boy take the title but am okay with either of them. We shall see tomorrow night at the finale. Until then, rest your vocal chords.
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