The Curse of the Boxer Shorts

March 28, 2007

Remember last year when Chris Daughtry answered the fan question “boxers or briefs” and the very next night, he was “shockingly” eliminated? A red flag has now been raised since Chris Sligh mentioned boxers on the show and guess what…

Because I am so bored with the show this season, I need to find a way to make blogging it interesting again. Especially after last night’s ep, yikes. My Kid says so why bother? But I am not ready to throw in the towel yet.

So I am going to do something a little different with this results show. In true Memento fashion, I am going to tell the story BACKWARDS.

The end is the beginning … we see Chris Sligh hugging everyone while singing the song he did last night. Pretty wife is in the audience looking sad. Chris is trying to keep a stiff upper lip as Daughtry sings the “going home” song to his montage of awesome moments. We are reminded of the fabulous Sligh times… “I really want to make David Hasselhoff cry.” … “You guys are probably wondering why I called this meeting…” Funny poses, silly walks, cutting up with the other contestants. An added bonus is that Chris has lost a lot of weight since the beginning of the show.

Haley (once again disguised as Katharine McPhee) almost faints when she finds out that she is safe. It’s only because her long legs got their own 866 number and yes I am jealous of her. Phil and his railroad hat are safe and they sit down to the delight of his peeps in the audience.

We find out that it’s Chris and not Gina who is the last of the bottom three for this week.

Gwen Stefani puts a plug in for her upcoming tour after singing some song that I have never heard of with some guy named Acorn or some such. His pants are falling down and the weird singing and awful dancing are so bad it’s campy. Watching Gwen, we are reminded of how ticked off Madonna was a few years ago in regards to copycatting. If Marilyn Monroe was still alive, she would probably have issues as well. As Simon says, I just do not get this ear-numbing mess. What a tumble since the “Cool” days.

Text message – the answer is Ruben. Fan-of-Idol winner from last week is up in the house tonight. Charity - Give back folks! Idol does.

Will it be Gina or Sligh in the bottom 3? Gotta wait for it… (Hey, this backwards stuff is fun. Maybe I should put in a couple of 666s. JUST KIDDING!)

Jordin is safe, Haley is bottom three. Sanjaya is safe, Chris R. is safe. Melinda is safe, Phil is bottom 3. LaKisha is safe, Blake is safe. Dim the lights.

The faux Ford commercial is an old western setting, complete with a gorgeous Wanted poster of Chris R. (He is really cute when he’s not singing.) Also, Jordin is movie star beautiful in the sepia hues. The contestants sing “I Fought the Law” and we all know how that turns out.

Recap time of last night’s performances, and I use that word lightly. Jordin and Chris R. doing No Doubt. Sligh and Phil taking on The Police. Melinda and LaKisha trying out Donna Summer. Haley assassinating a Cyndi Lauper tune. Blake getting overrated praise for a Cure song. Gina getting some luv as she should for a song by the Pretenders. Last and very very least, Sanjaya is not recognizable and neither is the No Doubt song he tortures.

Ryan comes out on stage with a fake version of the ponytail mohawk that Malakar had last night. He looks like an ancient Greek warrior. Everyone laughs and laughs (even Simon) and I almost lose my dinner. Am glad I just got home from church and am still feeling the spirit. Huh, lost it just as soon as Ryan threw the wig at Simon. Way too reminiscent of Billy Ray’s disastrous attempt at “getting his mullet back” on last week’s Dancing with the Stars. Scary.

Seacrest asks the age old question, “Whose number is UP?” Technically it would be whose number is DOWN, but I am not getting all analytical with it. Tonight we hit single digits, y’all.

And now for less gruesome and bloody entertainment, we watch Bones…

No Doubt The Top 10 Will "Hollaback"

March 27, 2007

“And then there were ten,” so says Little Man Tate, er ... I mean Seacrest. Lots of screaming fans in the audience and Poor Ryan seems to think they are there for him. We soon find out that they are cheering because Gwen Stefani is the guest coach/mentor tonight. My Kid is like, whoa, how did she make the show? She’s not a hundred. (Kids are mean sometimes.)

The contestants will be doing No Doubt songs as well as songs from artists that inspired Gwen. (A dual selection for obvious reasons - Gwen’s band does not have a very big catalog.) I will feel as useless as a Dunkleman tonight, since I am clueless when it comes to “today’s music.” Randy, Paula, and Simon are all in black, and they look like a singing group themselves.

Montage of Gwen’s career, going back to her “early” days of just 10 years ago. Voiceover Ryan calls her a singer, songwriter, fashion icon, actress, and above all, a slut. Oops, I mean Performer. I am not a big fan, but she is very pretty in spite of the weirdness of her hairdos. But I am just old that way I suppose. Gotta admit though, I like that “Hella Good” song. That one will get stuck in her head for a long long while!

Gwen states that you don’t really need to have a fantastic singing voice in order to be a pop star. (More news from the file marked “duh.”) She is actually wearing real clothes when she meets the kids and makes cute banter with them. Gina looks ready to pass out from fan-dom at any moment.

LaKisha is up first and Gwen is very impressed with her and says that SHE should be asking HER for advice. True dat. Tonight, LaKisha is doing a song that Brenna massacred last year, “Last Dance” by Donna Summer. Girlfriend is looking good tonight in a Chinese patterned satin dress and Mighty Aphrodite boots. Her voice is excellent but ya get the feeling that if you don’t dance with her, you might be sorry. Randy says, “like a true fly diva,” and Paula says she did an “excellent job.” Simon says that she is “putting her mark back in the competition.” Great moment when Kiki gives a shout out to her bank buddies in the audience. And it looks like the boots will get their own 866 number at the end of the show.

Chris Sligh is next and he gets a viewer question about how he spends his down time. He kids around at first about knitting or playing the bongos in his boxers, and then finally admits that he just wants to sleep.

Gwen says that his tempo is off and Sligh needs to concentrate on the beat of the song. Tonight he is doing “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” by Sting when he was with The Police. Sligh does not seem comfortable doing this song and out of all the songs in the AI catalog, mewonders why did he pick this one? Randy agrees with Gwen that the tempo was off but Chris has no explanation. Paula says he needs to “stay in the pocket” otherwise it is an “eyesore for the audience.” Huh?? Simon just calls it a “mess” but the STHU music is cued before he can finish. Extreme close up of Sligh’s face reveals that he has a cute soul patch growing. During his Ryan banter, he finally admits that being off beat was “my bad.”

Gina is a wreck during her time with Gwen, as she is starstruck. Tonight she is doing one of my favorite Pretender’s songs, “I’ll Stand By You.” She looks like a true rocker tonight, in too-tight-to-breathe tank, fishnets, micro mini skirt and goth boots. (My Kid loves this outfit, of course.) Gina is perfect on this song; she hardly misses a note. This is obviously her forte, as she totally rocks it out! Randy says it is her “best performance ever!” Paula says she is “coming into her own as an artist.” Simon tries to psych everyone out by saying that it was “not one of her best performances” - it was her “BEST performance.” And I totally agree. Gina is overjoyed with the praise; she was truly in her element tonight.

Ryan introduces Sanjaya from way over in the audience; the farther away the better, natch! Through gritted teeth, Gwen says that she is really worried about poor little San. Tonight he is going to do the No Doubt song called “Bathwater.” Yeah, as in throwing-the-baby-out-with. Oh my holy living mother of God, what is UP with his hair tonight??? It looks like a peacock or something. My Kid says that it’s a mohawk of ponytails and he is cute and adorable and the judges better be nice. Randy and Paula jabber on and on about how he can do better than this, “come on!!” Simon tells him that he is “in his own universe.” Truer words have never been spoken on this show. Someone has a sign in the audience that says SAVE SANJAYA, VOTE 4 MY PEOPLE. My Kid and I do not know what this means but my guess is that it is a vote for the worst thing. I do not mention this to My Kid, lest I get frogged.

Next up is Haley, and Gwen does NOT like the way that Haley is changing the melody of “True Colors.” (Didn’t Brandon do this song already this season? There should be a statute of limitations.) My Kid still wants to compare Haley to my girl Kat McPhee, but they are NOTHING alike. On her very worst night, Kat was better than Haley ever dreamed of being. Got to admit, Haley is gorgeous tonight and wow, she is actually somewhat clothed. Randy says, “you didn’t really grab me with that.” Paula says that she put an “adult contemporary” spin on that song (read: old-fashioned.) Simon calls it “sweet but forgettable.” By this time, I am bored. Democratic Rebuttal bored. Horse Whisperer meets The English Patient bored. Oh good, it’s finally over and they are moving on.

A cool-capped Phil sits on the space stool with Ryan. He very articulately answers the fan question in regards to being an insta-celeb. He basically says that they are too busy to really care about being famous and what all.

Gwen is pleasantly surprised with Phil (her words.) She actually tells him that to his face, which is weird. Tonight he is doing the Stalker song by Sting via The Police, “Every Breath You Take.” Phil does a terrific job with this song and he looks good with the bald head covered. He is not sexy-bald in a hot Daughtry-way. He is more of a looking-like-a-chemo-patient kinda bald. (And I mean no offense by that at all. My firstborn daughter was bald for three years until cancer took her to heaven.) Randy says, “I actually kinda liked that, dawg.” Paula says the he really “lived” when he hit the chorus. Okaay. Yet another person (Simon) admits surprise at actually liking Phil, who really should be ticked off by now. He is not however, and just smiles wonderfully during Ryan banter.

Melinda blows Gwen away, which is no shock to anyone. Watch and learn, Gwen; watch and learn. She is singing “Heaven Knows” by Donna Summer. There seems to be a pattern to the song selections tonight. Mel is gorgeous this evening and her “Gayles” and the stylists did a fine job with her outfit and hair. She looks better than I have ever seen her. Love the flip to the hair, and the outfit finally takes her out of school-librarian mode. Not that there was anything wrong with that. Melinda’s voice is great as usual; she can not do any wrong with her singing. Randy says that she is a “pro” and the “bomb.” Paula commends her “charisma” and “joy.” Simon loved the singing but “hated the outfit.” Well, we hate your tight tee shirts, so hmmmph. Melinda is sooo going to win this competition.

Blake is next and even though she obviously thinks he is cute, Gwen finds the beat-box gimmick distracting. Tonight, his hair is actually kinda lying down which is weird. And he is dressed like a normal human, also of the strange. Not Blake-like at all. He is doing a Cure song, not sure what the name of it is, I think maybe “Love Song.” His voice is nice but I am bored. On the Titanic heading to Pearl Harbor bored. Oh man, I hope this does not mess him up with the voters, a’la Chris R. last week. But I could be over-thinking. Randy says, “wasn’t jumping up and down but I liked it.” Paula on the other hand DID love it, thank you very much. She wants to see him in the finale. Simon announces that he is the strongest male in the competition but agrees with Aunt Pearl (moi) about the dimensions of boringness. Funny Ryan banter ensues when Blake sings two notes of “Don’t Speak” and Ryan does the royalty-freak-out. Priceless.

Now we have Jordin who is doing the No Doubt song, “Hey Baby” and Gwen seems kinda ticked that Jordin sings her song better than she does. Heh. Tonight, she is adorable in a very young outfit and big earrings. This is totally what I want my Meez avatar to wear. However, My Kid says that this is the type of outfit that the preps wear and rolls her eyes. Whatever. She thinks she knows everything about being a teenager cuz she is one. This song does not really showcase Jordin’s vocal talents, as it is mostly back-up singing and a lot of “boys say, girls say” repeat-o-nonsense. Randy says, “that was brilliant.” Paula adds “adorable” and she likes seeing her in this kind of mode. Simon calls her the “most improved contestant” this year. Aunt Pearl says that this was NOT her favorite performance by a country mile. But Jordin smiles and all is forgiven.

The last performer tonight is Chris R. who will be doing “Don’t Speak” for real. Hopefully Fox will only have to pay for it once and not for when Blake did the two notes. Gwen is hoping that Chris will not do the “vocal Olympics” with the song. So tonight, Chris looks cute and stylish and more Timberlake lite than ever. He does okay with this song but it sounds just meh. This song loses meaning without Ms. Stefani kickin’ up her heels. And again with the dull and this time it’s Whiny-Meredith-Voiceover boring. Since he is the last performer of the evening, traditionally the judges must say nice things. Randy likes his “flavor/twist” on it and to “just believe baby.” Paula is not really coherent at this point. Breaking the last-performer-gets-pimped mode, Simon says he did not like the vocal. Chris smiles cutely at the camera and girls everywhere are already reaching for their phones. To vote for Sanjaya, but oh well…

Recap time … best tonight is GINA. It was definitely her night and I am proud of her. One of my best friends is rooting for Gina, so I am supporting Ms. Glocksen tonight on her behalf. Plus My Kid thinks she is so cool.

LaKisha and Melinda are tied for second. Phil and Jordin were good. Everyone else was just kinda meh except for Sanjaya who sucked with the suckingness of suckdom. He is for sure this season’s Teen Martin/Federov/Chicken Little all rolled into one bundle of hype.

Have resigned myself to the fact that Malakar is not going anywhere, so my prediction for going home tomorrow night is Chris. Not sure which Chris but oh well ...

Now it’s on to House, yay. The cute guy who played Riley on Buffy is guest starring as a soldier which is so cool. Any opportunity to see Marc Blucas shirtless is good, yowsa. Anything to get the vision of mohawk-boy outta my mind, right?

Stylish Stephanie, You Will Be Missed

This show drives me crazy! Stephanie should NOT be going home tonight!!

In her exit interview, Stephanie says she's okay with leaving ...
"ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Stephanie, how do you sound so happy and calm today?
STEPHANIE EDWARDS: I'm okay. I'm good, actually. I don't know why. I just have a very positive attitude."

We will miss that wonderful attitude AND your stylish wardrobe!

From her official AI page:
"Q: Do you have any rituals or things you do each time before you perform?
A: I pray to God, “If it’s your will, let it be done.”"

Stephanie is too good for this show anyway!

A reminder of what the show has lost... from the Yahoo page:
"Short-haired chanteuse Stephanie Edwards, 19, amazed “American Idol” judges during her season 6 audition, drawing comparisons from Simon Cowell to old-school torch singers – made even more incredible, considering her young age."

God bless Steph!

We’re All “Sixes & Sevens” as the Posh One Leaves Us

March 21, 2007

The results are IN! Is your favorite OUT? So asks America’s favorite Nancy Boy, Ryan Seacrest. Thank goodness for DVR, cuz I am tuning in late this evening. Hope the show does not go over like it did last week.

Quick reminder that we had Peter Noone, Lulu, and Little Crying Girl on last night’s show. Then we have recaps of Paula’s more wonky moments and Simon being shirty as usual. Poor Randy must be zonked by now.

A review of last night’s performances… an “onslaught of talent” – Stephanie and Sligh. Blake “bringing life into a Zombie track.” Haley being “naughty” and LaKisha “sparkling with diamonds.” Chris R. “showing his tender side.” Sanjaya meeting his biggest fan, barf. Phil and Gina “finding the British rock beat.” Shirley Bassey songs “ruling the night” with Jordin and Melinda. Saving the best for last again.

Ryan beats the wet spot where the dead horse USED to be by mentioning the cry-baby girl yet again. What the-bleeding-H??

Peter Noone sings “A Kind of Hushhhh” and while I’m sure he is a nice enough chap, I ask the fam’ if I can fast forward through this part. Permission is granted. I have never heard anyone SING in a British accent before. Speaking of things U.K., my favorite British actor is Anthony Stewart Head, who played Giles on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That is my all time favorite show in the history of my life and I make no apologies for loving it.

Commercials… yet another reality series coming up called On the Lot. A potential obsession replacement for when Idol is on hiatus? Nah.

The faux-Ford commercial is set in a laundromat with lots of bubbles and the kids singing “Another Saturday Night.” Lame.

Brad Garrett sits on the stage with the contestants and he is such a hoot. Of course we all know that the only reason he is there is because his sitcom is up next. Ryan tells him to sod off but in a nice way; gotta keep it nice in the Fox fam’ ya know.

First three asked to stand are: Phil (“I Got To Get The Precious For Meeee”), Melinda (Deer In The Headlights Part VIII), and Blake (Oops My Hair Got Caught In A Weedwhacker Again). They are not the bottom three and Phil gives a shout of joy. For sure, he thought he was snookered.

Next we have Chris Sligh (I’m On American Idol And All I Got Was This Stupid Skull Shirt), LaKisha (My Check BETTER Be In That Mailbox!), and Jordin (You Can Not Think Of Anything Snarky To Say About Me So Hmmmph!). They are all safe of course which is hunky-dory.

Now we have Sanjaya (Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful), Haley (We Love Short Shorts), and Gina (My Tongue Stud Makes Me Tal’ Wik’ ‘Issss.) You know the show is in shambles when this is NOT the bottom three. That Malakar boy is just a right jammy chap and he should be thanking that nesh crying gal for helping with the votes. What nitwits are voting for him?? Oh yeah. Birds like the one sitting next to me, My Teenage Kid.

That leaves Chris R. and Stephanie as the bottom two, which is just rubbish. Fiddle-sticks, we have to sit through more filler fodder before finding out which of these two are going home.

Next it’s the duff viewer contest, ka-ching ka-ching. And a reminder that Idol and it’s $$$$ cohorts are FINALLY giving back and yeah whatever. I believe everything these blimey dodgers tell me. Not. As My Kid says, “Awwww they care and it bores us.”

Now it is the luverly Lulu’s turn to sing and she looks great for an almost-60 year-old. This type of music is just not my cup of tea even though her voice is wicked awesome for the most part.

Chris and Stephanie stand side by side holding hands; Chris looks terrified but Steph seems rather calm and resolved. The audience boos cuz they realize that this is sooo naff! Chris is wearing bright yellow and Stephanie is in bright red, which prompts My Kid to say cheekily, “Which one will be voted off, mustard or ketchep?”

It’s the latter. By the time Daughtry sings the “going home” song for Stephanie, I am right knackered and that darn DVR runs out before we even get to see her buh bye montage.

You know that we have gone bonkers when a marvelous, sophisticated and beautiful TALENTED young lady like Stephanie does not make the Top Ten. Well, if Destiny’s Child ever gets back together sans Beyonce, they’ve got a gal who’d be great as her replacement.

To quote the remarkable C.S. Lewis: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.” I am sure that is how Stephanie feels tonight.

‘Til next week, TTFN …

P.S. I would like to thank this web site for providing me with some great British slang to use for this theme week.

“Top o' the morning to ya!”

“An’ the rest of the day to you.”

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, my friends!

Well, since I don’t drink and don’t particularly care for parades, today was just another day. Being of Irish descent, I did at least wear green at some point. Mostly for fear of getting pinched; still have phobias from grade school about that.

My Kid has a couple of friends over this weekend, so she is on her side of the house doing her thang. My Hubby is helping paint the church today. So I have been left to my own devices, one of them being my new iPod that I finally learned how to use. Have discovered that cleaning my house is SO MUCH MORE FUN when this gadget is attached to me. Had my whole domain sparking in only 35 songs. It was great!

After housekeeping, it’s time to sit down with the latest TV Guide, the one with Paula Abdul on the cover. She is begging and pleading for all of us to believe that she is NOT ON ANYTHING, thank you very much. This article is unintentionally hilarious. Too funny how she contradicts herself, especially in regards to her feelings for Simon. Irregardless, I am still a fan of hers; her quirks are oddly endearing. (Can’t help but wonder how ticked Simon is that Paula got a TVG cover and not him. Heh.)

Now it’s surf-the-net-for-Idol-stuff time. I go to all of my favorite sites, diggin’ for dirt, er I mean info.

Some good news about Idols Past…

Elliott’s CD will be released on March 20. In addition to his first song sounding awesome, he has had the makeover of the century.

Another one of my favorites from last year, MANDISA is featured on tobyMac’s latest CD Portable Sounds. I ordered this from amazon and it is fantastic. Mandisa has an opera bit that she does on it and even though opera is not my thang, I still love her.

Both Ruben and Fantasia have hits climbing the R&B charts. Daughtry and Carrie are still ruling the rock and country charts, respectively.

Taylor has lost some weight. One of his new diet staples is chicken noodle soup. Mmm mmm good.

Speaking of mmm mmm … I found a new Ace Young website, and while I have not been a big fan of his singing, he sure is pretty to look at.

As for Idols Present …

The rags say that LaKisha and Sanjaya have bonded and are special friends. Does anyone find it strange how the Sanjaya Hairgate Scandal has escalated??

Even though he has had to shut most of it down for now, Chris Sligh has a really good blog. One of his pre-AI posts is still there and he is a very interesting fellow.

I leave you with an …

Irish Blessing…
May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

Brandon the Background Singer

'Bye Brandon... gone from the show way too soon!

From his exit interview:
"ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Brandon, you sound so happy. Why? You just got kicked off the biggest show on TV.
BRANDON ROGERS: I'm in a good mood. I was in a good mood last night. Somebody has to go every week. I'm just so glad I made it to the top 12."

Brandon is a class act!!

A reminder of his background from Yahoo:
"A former background vocalist for such performers as Christina Aguilera, Justin Timberlake and Usher, Brandon Rogers, 29, stepped into the solo spotlight during his season 6 “American Idol” audition, impressing the judges with his caramel smooth vocals."

This show needed you to stay! The "voters" got this all wrong!

From his official AI Page:
"Q: If you don’t make it on AMERICAN IDOL, what will you do?
A: Keep going after my dreams."

Please do that Brandon because you are awesome!

(Someone’s) “Coming Out” of the Competition

March 14, 2007

Sure enough, the song that they’re playing at the opening of tonight’s show is “I’m Coming Out.” Very fitting, given the witty exchange of dialogue between Ryan and Simon last night.

But enough about THOSE divas – tonight the spotlight is on the Original Diva Herself, Diana Ross. I was impressed with the work she did with the contestants and look forward to her performance tonight.

Ryan has a cool purple tie and Simon is sexy as heck in a white shirt that actually has a (gasp) collar.

Recaps show Brandon and Haley blowing the lyrics. Phil and Gina “ignite a love fest.” Chris and Blake “changing the Motown sound.” Steph has a sweet hangover; Chris is the boss. Sanjaya has great hair and that’s it. LaKisha and Jordin bring out their sensational “soft sides.” Melinda brought it all “Home” yeah!

The group sing out is a medley of Diana Ross songs and here is what we are in for when the tour comes around this summer… they should never put dorky Chris and nerdy Phil side-by-side; it’s like a Weird Al video. Blake has great and smooth moves, unlike Sligh who is very awkward. You can almost see him counting the beat in his head. Melinda is a SUPERSTAR already. Stand back everybody else. For a big gal, LaKisha got some moves too, though. Gina just wants everyone to get out of her way.

Now it is time for the faux-Ford commercial, which is about weird hair and even more bad dancing. The gals are even more photogenic on film. Tonight while they watch it, the kids are tickled silly over the video.

Now it is time to get down to some bizness. LaKisha and Gina are safe but then Brandon is in the bottom three. Jordin is safe, as well as Chris R. Melinda gets more shout out from the audience than anyone and is of course safe. Phil is in the bottom three. Sligh, Stephanie, and Blake are safe. This leaves us with Sanjaya and Haley; one of these will round out the bottom three but first…

I take a catnap during the “text message your answer” to blah blah blah segment. Have never text messaged in my life and have no intention of starting now.

Diana Ross, dressed in a beautiful flowing red gown, sings “More Than Yesterday” and while she seems like a perfect pro, we can not help but think that this is a little pitchy, yo. However, it is inspiring that she still takes joy in her work after all these years. She looks like she could be Paula’s older sister, especially when she ad libs a bunch of “hey heys.” I enjoy her interaction with the kids and she has glowing remarks about how much she loves American Idol. Funny moment when Ryan asks her who is going home and she says “Me!”

The moment of truth is drawing near and my DVR says that we have 3 minutes left. Which means that it will run out and I won’t catch the end, darn it.

Sanjaya is the last one in the bottom three. Phil sits back down, he is safe. I make a bet with My Hubby that Brandon will be the one to go. And sure nuff, Brandon is the one going home tonight. Weird, but San looks disappointed that he is staying.

My DVR runs out before I get to see much of Brandon’s “going home” montage but I will always remember him as the handsome and confident background singer with the wonderful smile.

So now we have six whole days to find out what songs San and Haley will murder next…

Yay?

The Top 12 Reign “Supreme”

March 13, 2007

Before you can blink, Voice-Over Ryan brags on the previous American Idol winners. Grammys, #1s, CMA awards. And still milking Jen’s Oscar win for all it’s worth.

Great big stage tonight with an awesome back-up band and a huge audience. Ryan is sporting some manly stubble. He is such a grown up sometimes.

The most exciting thing about the Top 12 is finding out what the AI stylists do with the contestants’ “makeovers.” Most of them look the same tonight, except Sligh is glasses-less and Haley has Pantene shampoo commercial hair. And geez, Sanjaya got caught in a light socket.

The judges chat about the changes in store for tonight on the bigger stage. Then Ryan introduces the montage of tonight’s coach - The Inventor of Diva, Diana Ross. Ms. Ross is before my time (ahem!) but I do remember watching the movie Mahogany when I was a kid and liking that “Do You Know Where You’re Going To” theme song.

Diana meets with the kids and gives a pep talk. She reminds them that she has had an ab fab career for 40 (count’em) FORTY years and y’all need to listen up. She is very encouraging and seems sincere with her comments.

First up, Brandon discusses his time with Diana. Poor guy sounds like he has a cold. She seems to like him and who wouldn’t – he smiles and it’s all over with. She tells him to sing from his “heart place.” Tonight he sings “You Can’t Hurry Love” and he does okay. They need to turn his mic up or something; it is hard to hear his vocal. He does a corny Elvis leg shake and then totally forgets the words. Ow. Kiss of death with a sealed coffin. And yep, the judges call him on this major faux pas. Randy tells him that he has “reverted back to a background singer.” Paula tries to soothe him by saying it’s not easy to do what they are doing. Simon says he was predictable with “no star quality.” The audience (and I) boo this, as Brandon is charming and has a great voice. The first performance spot cuts the deepest though, especially with a two hour show. So *fingers crossed* - am hoping the best for Brandon.

Lovely Melinda sits on the space-ship stool and chats with Ryan. She looks gorgeous all dressed up but she says she is uncomfortable. She does not like the high heels. Funny banter between Ryan and Simon ensues: “you’re gay, no YOU are gay, NO you are gay…” What are they, 12??

Video time for Melinda … Diana’s smile lights up the room as she talks to my #1 pick for this season. She realizes that she has found a jewel in this lady and believes that Mel has a bright future. Tonight, Melinda sings a song from The Whiz and as usual, she does not miss a single note. She is every level of awesome that exists on this planet. Heart sigh. I think I love her more than any other AI contestant EVER. Yes, even Mr. Daughtry, but do not tell My Kid. (She is unable to watch tonight due to trivial things like math homework and a research paper.) Randy tells Mel that she is HOT. Paula is squalling like a proud mama, to Simon’s amusement. Simon says that Melinda reminds him of a “young Gladys Knight.” For filler fodder, Ryan tries to get Mel to tell him how she felt on stage and they joke a bit more about her dress.

So Chris Sligh’s video is next, and it’s so weird. Diana says that her first impression of Chris is that he was “a little bit nervous,” then it shows Chris saying that he does not have a “nervous bone” in his body. Do whut Bubba? Together, they chat about their similar hairdos. He is practicing “Endless Love” and he wants to change it up a little. She advices him not to do that, but oh well... Tonight on stage, Chris has indeed changed everything about the song. While I personally give him credit for trying to put a modern spin on a yawner of a tune, it seems self-defeating for him to go so against the “mentor’s” wishes. Tonight, without his glasses, Chris looks like Hurley on Lost, only thinner. Chatter on the ‘net says that Sligh has lost a lot of weight since the show began, with the help of Chris R. As for tonight’s performance, Randy says that it was a “weird thing to do to the song.” Paula says that he “tries too hard to be ultra cool.” Simon says he turned the song into an “utter drone.” Oh, and to get your glasses. Chris blames the “arrangement not the vocal,” yo! He is getting a little bit big-headed methinks. Am wondering if he is the subject of Sundance’s “Bitter, party of one” tirade after all? Hopefully this is not the case; I have really liked him since the beginning.

Next, a “star struck” Gina meets with Diana. Gina tells about singing “Love Child” when she was a wee lass and not understanding what the song meant. Diana reminds her that this is a story-song and that Gina must ENUNCIATE. She promises that she will but… alas. You can tell right off the bat that she just plain forgot. The stage is bigger and evidently Gina thinks that she has to walk every inch of it in those stilettos. She is too plum give out of breath to sing. My Hubby thinks that she looks good tonight in those jeans; I just roll my eyes cuz I am jealous. Randy says that he didn’t “feel any excitement.” Paula says she was shouting at times. Simon says that it was a “little bit forgettable.” Gina does not seem to really care what they think and tells Ryan that she feels absolutely at home on the bigger stage, thanks. She is very pretty and something about her face reminds me of Jenna Elfman.

Commercials… HOW dorky is the Edy’s “why are they dancing” commercial? Almost bad enough to turn me against ice cream. Even ice cream that’s named after my favorite show! Yep folks, we have AI desserts now.

Speaking of icky sweetness, up now, it’s Sanjaya. Diana says that “Sanjaya is LOVE!” Oh God. She raves about how sweet and wonderful he is while he just smiles beautifully. Tonight he is all long arms, giant hair and big teeth. He attempts to sing “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” and while he is not howling-dog bad, it’s (as always) a very weak vocal. Am beginning to think that there’s not a mountain high enough to keep his fans away from the phone!! Randy can barely keep a straight face as he tells San that the song was “unlistenable” and the background singers carried him. Paula echoes Diana’s “pure love” comment. San pouts prettily and is confused as Simon tries to explain in his oh-so-British way that Diana is screaming at the TV right now. You know, because you butchered her first number one song? ¿Comprende? Poor San, the lights are on but nobody’s home. Thank goodness he’s pretty and has all that great hair.

Wow, Katharine is back! No wait. It’s Haley. Darn. She sits in the space-ship chair and talks to Ryan about how short her dress is and isn’t she showing a lot of leg tonight? Actually, that was what My Hubby and I were discussing. In the video, Ms. Ross says that Haley has a “studio voice” but not really a “live-in-front-of-an-audience” voice. That actually explains A LOT. Tonight, Haley sings “Missing You,” the song that Diana recorded after Marvin Gaye died. She is very very pretty and male people all over the country are enjoying the mini dress. But oops, it’s happened again. She totally misses the words and fumbles, recovers, then misses again. Since I am a singer myself (ahem!) I know what an awful feeling this can be. Randy is delicate with Haley and tells her that he is “surprised and shocked.” Paula says she looks lovely but her pitch was yi-yi-yikesy. Simon … are you ready for this? Simon says that he didn’t think it was “that bad” and makes a point to call her by her name. Naturally, just as he tells her that she needs to “hold it together” she has a meltdown. Ryan lets her sit down and she babbles about messing up her words. Flashbacks of last year’s Melissa McGhee come to mind. (Melissa bombed on her Stevie Wonder song and Simon gave her an unexpected kudo.) I am not sure if his comments are genuine or if he wants to avoid the pity vote... Is he using reverse psychology on the voters? It would not be the first time.

Very sweet moment with Ryan and his “nana” in the audience. He talks about the emotional evening that we’ve all been through so far. And yes, that would include the viewing audience, especially with that darn Edy’s commerical airing every five minutes.

Video time… Phil meets with Diana and he fakes enthusiasm. She is clever enough to know that he is not really into her, the vibes are just not connecting. She tells him to “look at the audience” cuz you know, they are just ordinary people. Tonight, he sings “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me” and as usual, he starts rough and gets better, then soars into greatness. At least tonight he is hat-less, but then again… this sounds terrible because I really like Phil. He seems like a nice guy, and he’s a military man and all that. I better recognize! But the entire time I am watching him, I think “my preciousssssss.” I know, so wrong! ... Huge, cute poster of his baby in the audience. Randy says that the “vocals were hot.” Paula says the song should have been “more up tempo.” Simon disagrees and says that he was “shouting in his ear” at some times during the song. Then the others backpeddle. The judges are weird sometimes, so wishy washy. “Sneaky hobbiteses!!”

Queen LaKisha is next and is delighted to meet Diana Ross because she is not just a star, she is a “Superstar!” True dat. LaKisha tells Diana that her mom calls her Kiki, which is just adorable. Diana says that she looks forward to Kiki’s performance. LaKisha sings one of my favorite old songs, “God Bless the Child,” and she looks gorgeous in a long white gown. I have never heard this song performed as well as she is doing it tonight. She is wonderful and does not miss a single note. Man, it’s hard to decide who I love more tonight, Kiki or Mel. There is something a little bit off-putting about LaKisha sometimes though – she has this look when she hits some notes; it looks like she is angry. “I AM Going to KNOCK You OUT.” Scares me a little. I would not want to make this chick mad, even when she does the nice “thank you” at the end. Randy says that it’s the “perfect song choice.” Paula says her “heart comes through” when she sings. Simon says she’s GOT IT. LaKisha is like, I know right? Simon goes on and on about how LaKisha and Melinda are a thousand times better than anyone else competing this season. Besotted Ryan gives his biggest smile of the evening as he calls out her number.

It is finally Blake’s turn. He chats with Ryan a bit about his favorite musical artists and since I am very old, none of these names are recognizable to me. Except MJ, ewww. In his video with Diana, he talks about wanting to take one of her songs and “mix it up a little bit.” You can tell by the look on her face that she’s like dude noooo. He is quite frank about making the song his own and she is still puzzled about him wanting to make an old song “fresh.” Tonight he performs “You Keep Me Hanging On” in a techno-pop-disco style. I think it’s pretty good, but My Hubby does not like it at all. There is something just so cool about Blake, even when he does the “open my jacket” move and hits a couple of rough notes. Randy says that he shouldn’t be messing with no classic and not to “Blake-ize” every song he sings. Paula says that he could have a hit with that. Simon does not “get it” and if we heard it on the radio you would not like it. Y’know, one of the most frustrating things about these judges, is that they tell the contestants every year to mix things up, be original, step out of the box. And THEN when they DO, they get nailed to the wall. It’s a never-win sitch and surely the contestants feel like yo-yos!

We get back from commercial break and for some reason, Paula is sitting in Ryan’s lap while Simon picks lint or something off his jacket. Okaaaay. Creepy much?

Still pondering the strangeness of it all as we get ready for Stephanie’s video with Diana. She is a big fan and will be singing “Love Hangover.” Diana tells Steph that she needs to be sexy and Steph promises to bring it on. Stephanie gets more gorgeous every time she’s shown on this show. Her voice is very good tonight but this song is kinda boring and repetitive. It doesn’t sound like I remembered it from when Diana had it on the radio. Stephanie is way too classy to really be sexy, but since I am a straight female, it’s hard for me to tell if she is “sexy” per se. One thing for sure, the big “Whoo! I’m-so-great” at the end was too much. Steph has a habit of doing that. Randy asks her why didn’t she go for the up-tempo part and then I realize that THAT is what was missing. Paula calls her on that as well. Simon says she “teased” everyone with the intro and she was outsung by the other divas tonight, sorry. The music cuts him off before he can finish; must be pushed for time. Steph explains to Ryan that she basically just didn’t want to do the disco part of the song tonight, so hmmmph.

Now we have Chris R., who is giddy with joy over Diana Ross. He is hoping that she is going to like his version of “The Boss.” He is adorable in a “cute but nerdy” kinda way. As always, I am not into his singing at all. Do not understand the fascination with his voice, even though he is cute and adorable in a less moron and male version of Pickler way. But some folks still compare him to My Sweet Man Elliott and that is just wrong. He can not touch a single song that E-Double did last year. Chris is young and has potential but he is not there yet. Randy says that it was “half good half bad.” Paula says that it reminded her of the song “Instant Reply.” (Thanks Paula, now THAT song will be stuck in my head all night.) Simon says the vocal was “dreadful” and once again they cue the STHU music.

The last performer tonight is beautiful Jordin, who is delightful in her video with Diana. Ms. Ross says that Jordin has star quality and the teen gal proves it tonight. She is more dazzling than ever with a song from one of my favorite movies, The Land Before Time. As she sings, I think of Littlefoot and friends trying to find the Great Valley. (Run Ducky, it’s Sharptooth!) Awww, Jordin is bringing back memories of when My Kid was little and it’s making me cry. I try to avert my eyes so that My Hubby does not see and tease me, then I notice that he is a bit misty, too. Randy says that he is “so so very impressed” with her. Paula says she is a “natural gift.” Simon says it was “gooey” BUT her vocal was good enough to put her in the finals. Jordin is delighted and I can’t help but worry that if she wins, The Powers That Be will try to popsicle-stick-skinny her down and slut her up. That would be sad.

But no sad thoughts right now, because it’s recap time. Upon review, it is my humble opinion that everyone did well at some point this evening. Maybe I am just feeling nostalgic and generous but there was something good in everyone’s performance tonight.

My favorites in this order… Melinda, LaKisha, Jordin. Least fave by a country mile was itty bitty teeny tiny Sanjaya. Everyone else was in between and I won’t remember them tomorrow. (Unless I go to rickey and listen again.)

The contestants are all lined up on stage again and whew, everyone is glad that the 2 hour “supreme” edition is finally mercifully over.

Now it’s time to go help a certain teenager with a research paper. Oooh maybe it’s on American Idol! Nah, but a mom can hope.

2 Get Gypped and That’s Sad

March 8, 2007

Before you can say boo the group sing begins… and here we are, “stuck in the middle” with them. The lyrics are so appropriate, as indeed there are “clowns to the left” and “jokers to the right.” Not really any vocal stand-outs during this song, except Sundance gets some quality hollering time at the end.

Ryan says that 37 million votes were cast and we have 12 empty bowls, er seats to fill. Those seats look strangely like ice cream dishes, or maybe I am just hungry.

Then the recaps ... Blake mixes it up, Chris R. wants to cry, Phil needs you. Paula rips Jared and Sanjaya new ones. Sundance rocks Pearl Jam, Brandon tries to celebrate, Sligh wants to be loved. Jordin is a heartbreaker, Gina exposes her rock roots. Contemporary R&B from Sabrina and Stephanie. Not much love going out to sweet Haley or Antonella. LaKisha has nothing except maybe the title of next American Idol but wait - Melinda is a Tiger WOMAN.

Now quick-like-a-bunny, it’s time to shatter someone’s dreams. Safe in this order: Blake and LaKisha (brought up together for reasons known only to TIIC); Chris Sligh, Jordin, Phil (!!), then Jared is told that the journey ends for him tonight. Jared is shocked but his sing-out reinforces that America “didn’t really love” the handsome singer.

Next, we have the asinine trivia question, in which Daughtry is the correct answer.

Then Ryan asks both back-up singers to come up, Brandon and Melinda. They are both safe, YAY! Chris R. and Gina are brought up and before Ryan can even begin to start a “love connection,” Gina nips it in the bud. They are both safe.

Highlights of Carrie Underwood’s pre-during-and post-Idol career are shown next. We are reminded that she has come a long way from the Oklahoma country girl that she was when we first met her in Season 4.

Carrie sings a song from her CD called “Wasted” and it’s a good song if you like country music, with clever lyrics. The title could also describe Carrie’s appearance, as she is looking kinda rough. Not remembering her ever dressing like a teenaged bimbo before and it’s weird. She is all straight-to-business-like, no time for chit chat. Carrie shares the stage with an extremely cute fiddle player. Watching that guy is worth the price of admission!

Ryan calls Antonella and Stephanie to the front. After a dramatic pause... Stephanie is on to the Top 12! Ryan asks Antonella what was the best part of her American Idol experience. She just stands there, waiting for a house to fall on her. Well, at least Rosie, Frenchie, et al. will be happy now and maybe STHU. During Overbite’s sing-out, I take the dogs outside because they can not take the punishment.

Next, Sabrina and Haley are called to the front. Here is another no-brainer. But WAIT! 30 crazillion people just fainted. The fabulous Cleopatra-like Sabrina is out and bland beauty-pageant-girl Haley is safe. The judges exclaim that they do not believe that this was the right decision. Sabrina proves to America that they’re stupid yo, by giving the best sing-out of AI history. Prophetic lyrics there - “You gotta make the sacrifice. Somebody's gotta choose.” Bad sacrifice. Bad choice. Heavy sigh.

Now that we are all shocked into silence, Ryan announces the Idol Gives Back program, which will help raise money for children in Africa and America. They show clips of Ryan and Simon in Africa, and seeing the human side of them both is rewarding. The children are so beautiful that it breaks my heart.

A special fund-raising event is coming up in April, during “Inspirational Songs” week. Quincy Jones will write a special song for the Top 6 group sing and someone named Borat will be a guest. I do not know who that is but My Kid says that I need to get out of my cave more often. Cuz everybody knows that Borat is really Sacha Baron Cohen. Again, I say huh? Shrug.

Anyways, to help raise money for the kids, other stars like Gwen Stefani, Pink, and Annie Lennox will participate. And the best news is that the whole thing has been blessed by Bono.

Commercials... I want to see the new Sandra Bullock movie, Premonition. I like that sci-fi kinda stuff. Maybe that is why I am addicted to AI, cuz there are surely sci-fi elements involved in tonight’s ep for sure.

So the last two guys standing are Sanjaya and Sundance. I have a sinking feeling that we are never going to find out what Sundance would have done with a Diana Ross song. And yep, America “spoke in class today” and Mr. Head is outta here. This makes everyone in attendance sad. (Everyone except the morons who voted for Sanjaya in spite of him having a voice weak as cat pee.) Poor Paula almost has a nervous breakdown. At least Sundance’s sing-out is pretty awesome, much better than on performance night. Guess he is proving that the voters made the wrong choice.

Strangely enough, I have had the last ep’s exit song (times two) “Feelin’ Good” on my mind all week, which is ironic since I’ve had pneu-freakin-monia. No good about it. Feel even sicker now, watching this show tonight.

The good-bye clips are especially difficult to watch and the “Home” lyrics are never more poignant: “I think you got me all wrong.” Oddly, I even muster sympathy for Overbite Girl. Okay, maybe not, heh.

So what did we learn from this ep of our fave reality show of all time? Well, I guess we discovered that America does not like men with Shemar Moore eyebrows... Girls Gone Wild-type internet pix... exotic Egyptian-looking ladies... and dark songs about school violence.

I figured that Jared would go and Antonella’s exit was way past due. But no way should Sabrina and Sundance be off the show. Makes no sense.

So very very disappointed. To quote Happy Bunny, “Crazy doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

Sometimes this show drives me to eat chocolate.

Eight Gals Go For It!

March 7, 2007

American Idol Season 4 winner, Carrie Underwood will be in da house tomorrow night!

Have been fighting a very bad cold and the cold won. Am high on Sudafed while watching the show tonight and the main thing my brain thinks is “wow, look at the pretty colors…” Thank goodness for DVR so that I can “enjoy” the show later in a more coherent state of mind.

It seems that Paula is MIA tonight and so is Ryan’s neck. At least we know the latter is hidden under yards of black cloth. The gals look pretty as usual tonight, most of them very stylish.

They found Paula, thank goodness! Randy and Simon joke that she was under the desk and Ryan reminds them that this is a family show, folks. And we are LIVE, ‘k?

So it’s the ladies’ turn to reveal something about themselves, and first up is sweet little Jordin. Oh how adorable she is when she talks about how much she loves football. Jordin sings “Heartbreaker,” one of my favorite songs when I was her age. Which means that this song is very very old, probably older than Jordin’s mom. While Jordin is no Pat Benatar, she does okay with this song. She commands the stage and seems more in her element with this type of music than last week’s glurge. She looks gorgeous tonight, with Latoya Jackson hair. The judges already like the gals better than the guys last night. Judge 3 says it was manic and shrieky but so is his man-cleavage, so heh. I love the way that Jordin does the “Justin Timberlake at the Golden Globe Awards imitating Prince” thing, what a hoot.

Ryan reminds us that the lovely Carrie will be on Thursday’s show, then chats with Gina and Sabrina. Both of these ladies look better than ever, which mewonders if the stylists are already on the scene? Last year, they did not show up until the Top 12 rolled out.

Next is Sabrina, who reveals that she wanted to be the next Katie Couric. They show cute footage of her “news reporting” days. Tonight, Sabrina looks more like a movie star than ever and sings some song that sounds familiar. She goes off the deep end on a couple of notes, but it might just be the meds playing tricks with my hearing. By the end, I realize that she is doing an En Vogue song from the 90’s. Randy and Paula are fine with Sabrina’s performance but Simon says she is robotic and gave a hotel resort performance. Funny moment when Paula says that she would go to that hotel and Simon says that he would send her. Ba da boom.

Antonella is up next, so it’s a good time to take a nap. She reveals that she is a violin player, and 30 trazillion people all over the world sigh and say PLEASE go back to that. Tonight, Antonbratla sings some song that I have never heard and even if I did, it would not be recognizable from the butchering that she gives it. This chick is not even good enough for the Pussycat Doll competition, even in that outfit. Snnnark. Judges one and two try to handle her oh-so-delicately. Even Simon wears kid gloves by telling her that she has handled her scandal well. Overbite Girl basically rants and raves about how she is just as good as the rest of the girls, blah blah blah and Ryan looks at her like she has cooties. Man, I love this show!

Now we have Haley and she talks about her gymnastics days. This is a very good thing to know, that she has something to fall back on. Okay, so her body is worn out and she can’t perform, but maybe teaching? Cuz, dawg. Singing is not her best thang. Tonight, Haley is very pretty in a generic Miss San Antonio kinda way. I think she is singing a country song, maybe Faith Hill? It is not very good, especially the last “yeah” at the end. But the good news is that she is a good wedding singer and people get married every weekend, so she will never lack for work. If the gym teacher thing does not work out. Judges do not have much good to say, and Simon puts the cherry on top by telling her that he doesn’t even know her name. Ouch.

We are ready for Stephanie, who tells us that she used to be really shy and would run and hide whenever her parents would axe her to sing in public. Tonight she does another shouty song that sounds exactly like all the other shouty songs that she has done so far. She is very fashionably beautiful and has the best wardrobe of any contestant on the show ever. I hope she sticks around just so we can she what she is going to wear next. Judges have mixed emotions about Steph’s performance tonight, but all of them call her on being cookie-cutter and copy-cat.

Ryan and LaKisha have an “oh get a room already!” moment and then she tells us (via video) that she is terrified of all animals. Tonight, she sings the song that Kat McPhee sang last year when her long yellow dress started coming apart and 30 crazillion fans got a glance at her undies. My God, I hope that doesn’t happen tonight with LaKisha and whew, we are safe. That was close. LaKisha looks lovely tonight in a black satin dress and she has the Paula/Sanjaya hairdo. And look, so does her mom. The judges love her even though this song has been done right to death on this show. Sweet moment when Simon tells her that she looks beautiful. And LaKisha is endearing when she says of her proud and cheering family, “I told them not to act up!”

Commercials… A new show called The Wedding Bells is coming up next. I don’t really care about this type of show, but they have been showing the previews of it eleventy-five grazillion times for the past month, so I feel compelled. Brainwashed? Me? But I digress ...

It’s a pillow fight with Ryan and the girls (or was that redundant, ha ha.) Then Gina totally wins me over by talking about her lucky charms; she is precious in her video. But tonight she sings an Evanescence song. And unless your name is Amy Lee, then you should not do any Evanescence song. Amy is my very favorite female singer right now and there is just no one like her. To quote MC Hammer, Gina “can’t touch this.” My Kid loves Gina’s outfit but is very disappointed in her performance. The judges must not know Amy’s version or they surely would have ripped Gina a new one. I mean, that is what we hear ad nauseam if someone dares to do Whitney or Celine, right? Funny comment by Gina, that the rocker chick outfit she has on now is what she wears around the house. Including those fishnet gloves? Yep, My Kid likes those too. Figures.

Finally, the lady that I have waited for all night – Melinda! She talks about her OCD and that she considers it to be “equal opportunity.” It’s all very complicated. Tonight, Melinda proves once again that she stands head and shoulders above the rest of the contestants. She has already won this competition, bar none, with this rendition of “I’m a Woman.” Mel looks drop-dead gorgeous in a sexy dress; did not know girlfriend had it in her. Let’s hear it for “The Gayles!” My Kid says Melinda is awesome with a capital A.W.E.S.O.M.E. The judges love her as they should and Simon calls her a tiger, heart sigh. Very funny moment when Ryan tells Melinda to not be scared and she says she’s not but then looks at the camera like “EEEK!” She is so great.

Best in Show – Melinda by a country mile!

Going home – Haley and Antonella (Posh Spice is in the U.S. now - look her up.)

Now pardon me while I slip back into my Sudafed coma...

Eight Not-So-Great Guys

March 6, 2007

The best thing about tonight’s show is that House is finally back on TV afterwards. YAY!

So is it me, or do Ryan, the judges, and all eight guys look totally bored?? Okay, maybe it’s just me. Wish I could muster up some enthusiasm, but to paraphrase Greg Behrendt, I am Just Not That Into It. Mainly because I won an iPod Nano at a meeting today and I am too busy trying to figure out how to download my Daughtry CD.

Flash forward to the present…

Ryan tells us that a very important announcement is coming up on Thursday’s show. Wonder if it is about the top-secret-hush-hush (NOT) songwriting contest?

The theme of tonight’s pre-song video clip is “something that you don’t know about me.” Blake is up first and he says that he is a comedian and then proceeds to embarrass the heck out of everybody with a “Billy Bubba” impression. Dude, no. Stick to singing and that beat boxing thing that you do, ‘k. I have never heard this song that Blake is doing tonight. My Kid says that it is reggae hip hop or some such and wow then Randy says the same thing. He and Paula like Blake’s modern vibe but Simon (and I) could not understand a word of it. Still like Blake though.

Ryan teases Sundance about his waterworks last week and Sundance blames it on Chris R. Then Ryan reminds us all that Sanjaya was sup-freakin-posed to LEAVE last week but the ‘tween voters will sit on the phone and hit re-dial for two solid hours. Okay, so that was an interpretation of the conversation, but we all got the gist.

After a mortifying “oooh, I can do the hula” moment that reminds me of “Peanut,” Sanjaya sings “Waiting on the World to Change,” a song that even I have heard, since I don’t live in a cave. My Kid squeaks and squeals and I just roll my eyes. San is cute but his voice is so weak and his performance is lifeless. He is so out of his league and the judges all agree. Simon even mentions that it’s his hairdo that is keeping him in the competition and doesn’t his hair look like Paula’s tonight?

Sundance shares with us that he is actually a thin guy and wears a fat suit on the show. Nah, he’s just kidding. Then they flash a photo-shopped pic of him and it’s just creepy. Thank goodness he has trimmed that devil beard a little bit though, whew. That thing scares me. Tonight, Sundance sings the Pearl Jam song, “Jeremy,” which my God. Depressing much?? Maybe next week he will follow this up with “Janie’s Got a Gun.” Randy and Paula like it but Simon says that Sundance reminds him of a bar singer. Sundance is like, dude I can NOT win with you.

Travis Tritt is in the audience tonight to plug his album that Randy is producing. They say it’s hot! And I believe it. If I was going to listen to country music, I would listen to Travis.

So next, Chris R. tells us that he used to play football but has lost weight since his college days. I just noticed that he is kinda nice looking and has a pretty smile. He sings a Keith Urban song tonight and I think it’s the one that Ace massacred during country week last year. Once again, two out of three judges praise him to the skies for reasons unknown to this old woman. Simon said that it was “cutesy” and Uncomfortable Moment number 106 ensues when Ryan wants to chat with Chris about his weight loss and Simon nixays that idea. Jerk.

Ryan chats with Jared about the Usher “face” thing and then the rest of the guys do it and it’s a hoot. Jared tells us that he played basketball and has really thick eyebrows. He is like the black male version of Brooke Shields. Tonight he sings an old Stevie Wonder song and is wearing a sweater vest from the Dr. Huxtable collection. I think his performance is great – his voice is good and he is energetic and entertaining. What a concept, right? Randy likes it but Paula rips him a new one, to the surprise of all and sundry. Simon is not wowed, then Randy backpeddles. It seems rather obvious that TIIC does not want Jared to be in the Top 12.

After Ryan, Brandon and Phil have lame and boring chit-chat about how disgusted the judges are this week, we finally get to another performance. Brandon reveals to us that he is a classical pianist which is cool; he is very good from the clip that we see. Tonight he sings a song that I think is called “Celebrate” and he does well with it. I like Brandon, have ever since the beginning of the show this year. For some reason, it seems like TIIC is trying to brainwash the voters against him. He gets faint praise from Randy and Paula but Simon shoots him down. Brandon is charming and mature and funny all at the same time, and hey we can’t have THAT this season, huh?

Now we have Phil telling us that he used to have hair. And now he doesn’t and he is known as the bald guy of American Idol. Uh, Phil? Make that the OTHER bald guy, ‘k? Tonight he sings the Leann Rimes song, “I Need You” and My Kid and I change the lyrics of this song to “I need you to never wear that hat again…..” The judges (at least one and two) want to like Phil but they think he is just strange. Simon comes right out and calls him a weirdo. I can’t help but wonder if Phil just WANTS to get voted off so that he can go home to his family.

Last but not least, Chris Sligh tells us that his “lush” curls are all his own, thank you very much. And oh my God!! He sings a song from the DC Talk CD Supernatural. It’s called “Wanna Be Loved.” Oh man, I miss DC Talk, even though I totally realize that they are all in solo careers right now. Love that Toby, Mike and Kevin! I enjoy Sligh’s rendition of this song but since it is contemporary Christian music, the judges can’t find it in their black hearts to give him too much praise. Randy does tell him that he is the best of the night, but that is not saying much. Simon proves that he is not Satan (that would be James Cameron) by telling Sligh that he has potential.
After a whole night of the mehs and the blahs, Chris Sligh is a refreshing change to the GOOD. As Coach Grant Taylor says, I am ready to “take a knee” and give thanks. Most def the best of the evening.

Recap time and vocal-wise, the weakest ones are Sanjaya and Chris R. Of course, neither of these guys will be voted off cuz of the cuteness of them both. Whatever. I have a feeling that Phil will get the boot as well as Jared or maybe Brandon.

Now it’s time to see what Dr. House is up to… and try to figure out this iPod! Nah, better just to give it to My Kid; she will know what to do.

2 out of 4 Ain’t Bad

March 1, 2007

For many reasons, I am very tardy on posting the results-night blog. I usually can not WAIT to vent my feelings. There is much life-stuff going on with work and church and whatnot. But the main reason, I have’ta admit – I am bored with a capital B.O.R.E.D with the show this season and have been uninspired to blog. Never ever thought that I would admit that…

As a borderline obsessive compulsive narcissist, I analyze the reasons why this could be possible. So let me count the ways…

1) There is no sexy-hot guy in a Daughtry way. No Flowing Locks of Ace. No Soul Patrol Soul Patrol! No Amish Elf (heart sigh, I miss Elliott the most.) Melinda and LaKisha fill the Mandisa void, so methinks I will be rooting for a lady this year.

2) Every other song that we have heard since this season began has been a repeat of something that a previous contestant has done better. My Kid and My Hubby tell me that I should just let this go and not let it aggravate me so much. Not even sure why it irks me so. Maybe because it makes the show feel like a re-run. And the only show that I can bear to watch in re-runs is My Name is Earl.

3) Ryan and The Judges are soooo predictable. ‘Nuff said about that.

4) Way too many of the Top 24 were not introduced until the very last mili-second of being chosen for the semi-finals. TIIC made a mistake not showing at least a snippet of these folks. The contestants are not on a level playing field when they do not get equal airtime.

5) Many eliminated contestants that we saw in the early eps were a zillion times better than most of the current Top 24. This year seems way too cookie-cutter. Hence the boredom of me.

6) So in other words - status quo!!

But I digress …

We watch the recaps of everyone – the good, the bad and the awesome. Then it is group sing time. “Jeremiah was a bullfrog!” I have never understood this darn song. The kids do okay with it and yep there it is – The Prerequisite Pointy Pose, y’all. Gotta have it.

Now it’s time to boot a dude. Ryan asks the back row of guys to stand. Phil, Sligh, Sundance, and Blake are the no-brainers and are told right off the bat that they are safe. Jared is asked to come stand with Ryan… tick tock tick tock… it was a fake-out cuz Jared is safe!

Then just-like-that, it’s no votes for Pedro. Nick is the first one going home. He reminds us that he has very cute dimples and a decent voice. I go get a nutty-buddy while he sings “Fever.”

Now it’s time to send Overbite Girl home, please for the love of GOD!! The obvious are told first that they are safe – Stephanie, Gina, Sabrina, and Melinda. Buh bye to Alaina who can always play in the next Charlie’s Angels movie. She is pretty enough. But she can’t sing that Dixie Chicks song and she doesn’t even try. It is sad and painful to watch. It seems like EVERYONE is crying. What the heck does TIIC DO to these kids behind the scenes???

Filler fodder with the stupid trivia question. Bored now.

Mae West comes out on stage to talk to Ryan. No wait. It’s Kellie Pickler. Wow, she is busting out of her dress, pardon the pun. Even Ryan is taking notice, snap! I tell My Hubby that now is a good time to take the dogs out, but his eyes are glued to the TV, mesmerized by the Pickler bosoms. Kellie sings a song that she co-wrote and I get over the irritation of her nasality long enough to realize that she is singing about her mom who abandoned her. Awwww it is sad and I am moved. And then it is finally mercifully over.

So now that we are all choked up… ‘bye to a guy time. Chris R. and Brandon are safe. You can tell that Brandon was worried. Sanjaya and AJ are left standing. Well, this is a no-brainer. The ‘tweens are all agog over itty bitty San, no matter that his voice is weak. He has not done well since his first audition which rocked. And yep, he will get another chance. AJ is out, much to San’s surprise. He does the girly omigod routine.

Awesome moment when Paula stands up and says, “This is a SINGING competition, yet I don’t feel tonight reflects that.” Uh, do whut Bubba? Since when has it been about singing?? Okay, moving on.

I actually stick around for AJ’s sing out, which he does very well. Just noticed that he is probably the tiniest human that has ever been on this show. Both guys and gals are still bawling.

NOW, we are going to lose Antonella. Please? Pretty please?? And no, it’s not the naughty photos that make me want her off this FAMILY show. As Paula just said, this is a SINGING competion, people. Not Playmate of the year. And she is the poorest singer in the competition.

So obviously LaKisha is safe, that was a gimme. Haley is safe, which is surprising. Coming to the front now are Overbite, Leslie, and Jordin. Yes, JORDIN. I can not freakin’ BELIEVE it. An-toilet-a (google her name if you don’t understand that nickname) is declared safe and teen-age boys and Vote for the Worst aficionados all over America are jumping for joy.

I have honestly never seen so many sobbing contestants. We need some Prozac, stat! Finally, Ryan tells Leslie that she is the one going home. She sings that very same song that AJ just sang. It’s a good song too, and they both did well. Leslie gives the angry edge to hers though, which is appropriate.

The “I’m going Home, to the place that I belong” videos are shown for the ousted four. Neither AJ nor Leslie deserved to go home tonight. What a rip off! At least Leslie got a dig in with the “America doesn’t like jazz” quip. Maybe she should have played the lupus card for some pity votes? Nah, she took the high road.

Oh well… we are stuck with two of the most insipid contestants in American Idol history. Next week’s eliminations will determine the Top 12. And ha! We thought it couldn’t get worse than Covais and McGhee.

Pardon the hysterical laughter…