From L.A. “Sing for Your Life” to the Sci-Fi Walkway Continues

Last night we saw Jennifer’s meltdown over Chris Medina being ousted, then a placard with the ominous To Be Continued. Not even a dot dot dot. Just plain white ink over black background, like a very boring PowerPoint slide.

Because our memory spans are very short, we now have to see a recap of everything that has happened in season 10 thus far, ending with the question “Will Jennifer find the strength to go on?”

My Kid Tru thinks that Jen’s tears are real and that she is a genuinely sweet person. I am more jaded but can’t really disagree. I like her a lot, but I’ve seen her movies and she’s not THAT good of an actress. Just keeping it real, dawg.

Tonight is Part 2 of the infamous “Green Mile” part of the competition. Why do they call it that you wonder? Something to do with Stephen King and death row I think. Not sure, will add to list of things to google later.

The first contestant to make the very long walk is Karen Rodriguez, the J.Lo fan who auditioned via MySpace. Or is it my___ now? No one really cares; these days we call it facebook. Anyway. We see flashbacks to Karen singing a totally different version of Jen’s first single, the one with the creepy music video about internet stalking. For her “sing for your life” (SFYL) performance, she does a Selena song, and lest we forget, Jen played this role in the movie. Tru says that Karen reminds her of a Cheetah Girl, to which I say who? The poised and polished singer makes it through to Top 24.  

Next up is cute teenage boy-bandish Robbie Rosen. We are reminded of his sad back-story of being in a wheelchair as a child. Robbie is very appealing and if they ever do a spin-off featuring the Barone family, he would fit right in. He sings the Elton John song about being sorry and sad, but he shouldn’t be because the judges love him and think he is great. Randy adds “unassuming” which means he is not a big giant attention seeker. We’ll be seeing him in the next round.

We don’t have high hopes for the next gal, Ta-Tynisha Wilson, due to her complete butchery of “I Hope You Dance” during Hollywood week. She even pulled a Brooke White start-over, not something that wins points. Her SFYL is rough also, and a disservice to Toni Braxton. What little we have seen of her so far has not been very good and there are several other girls who were better - Denise, Hollie, Melinda, Lakeisha, Molly. Could probably name ten others that are more qualified than this chick who inexplicably is now in the coveted 24. Gah.

We never saw very much of Brittany or Jimmie who are quickly shown the Exit. At least a very pretty song plays in the background, with the fitting lyrics of "tell the world I'm coming home."

As Tim Halperin takes his walk down the alien plank, I mention to Tru that he reminds me of that guy on The Office. Not the one who was the voice for Gru but the other one, you know the one? She doesn’t. It won't matter because we are reminded how cute and talented Tim is, especially on the Beatles duet with Julie. For his SFYL performance, he does an original song on the piano. ST makes fun of his whistle, because are you like, coaching basketball on the side? Then they try to psych him out, but he is making it through to the next round. 

Tim’s duet partner, Julie Zorrilla is next. She is a very lovely young lady, and we are reminded of her back-story of coming to America from a war torn country. Not sure what her SFYL song is, but it’s not the best that she’s done on the show. The judges like Julie but they tell her that she needs to work on making a connection with the audience. Cutting flirty eyes at the camera worked nicely for The Bangles back in the 80s but we want Julie to get votes. She will get that chance in the Top 24 as the song that Gaga ripped from Madge plays in the background. And hopefully Julez won’t try to literally pick up Ryan again. Poor Seacrest; the things he endures for this show.

In the Lava Lamp Coke Room, Ryan sits on the couch with the country boys, Scotty and John Wayne. He is trying to give Emcee/Announcer lessons and it is HIGH-larious! Ryan’s take on “baby lock them doors” is the funniest thing I’ve seen on the show in years.

We’ve had high hopes since day one for Scotty McCreery, the teenager from Garner, the next town over from us. I wasn’t watching AI during the Clay Aiken heyday but I do remember the buzz about him back then. Tru adores Scotty; he seems like a sweet boy, very mature for his age. I just think he’d do better on Nashville Star or another country show. He recalls the Hollywood Jacee Debacle 2011, as well as his mangled “zoo zone talk” which still makes me laugh out loud. Redemption comes with Scotty’s acoustic version of another Josh Turner song called “Long Black Train.” Scotty is on to the next round.

What does this mean for the other male country artist in the competition, cowboy John Wayne? His voice is good but generic but he’s so nice and so PRETTY! Oh well. The judges tell him he’s not ready, even though a quick google search will tell you that the boy’s been making records since he was 14. This season we will never find out if he ever takes off his hat. Maybe we’ll see him next year. On The Bachelor.

For the 1,274^th time we are reminded about when Jovany Barreto took off his shirt. I am over this “Situation” wannabe and just wish he’d go on to Jersey Shore or somewhere. There’s like, a thousand reality shows for boys with ripped abs, go find one. Tru thinks he sounds great during his SFYL round and for the first time, he actually does sound okay. Between that and his “I love Marc Anthony” card, he makes it to the next round. If they're going to base a selection mainly on superficiality, the cute cowboy would have been better.

We finally learn more about Lauren Turner, a.k.a. the Other Lauren. She works as a maid, which is a noble profession. She has one of the best voices in the competition so far, plus she had to put up with Jordan the Tool back during group rounds. I am glad she makes it to Top 24 but am surprised to be honest. Her beau is also, you can tell from his fake passing out. I tell Tru that I sense Other Lauren is cannon fodder, then I have to pause the show to explain to her what that means. I swear, she’s like Temperance Brennan sometimes.

A couple of other contestants are sent home, Tiwan and Erin. We barely met either of them during the season so they were obvious choices to go.

It seems that Ryan and Rachel Zevita go way way back. She’s been on the show before, blah blah blah. I am not impressed with Opera Girl’s singing, but this is another girl that Tru loves. She likes her merry widow attire, her personality, and her voice. I am more impressed by Rachel’s grandmother who shamelessly and hilariously flirts with Seacrest while waiting. We don’t think we’ve ever loved Ryan more than during this episode! At any rate, despite screeching a Gaga song during SFYL, causing my puppy to flee the living room, Rachel makes it through. I am puzzled and Tru is thrilled.

Next up is Kendra Chantelle, the lovely blonde from Nashville who sang so wonderfully with Paul on the Beatles “Blackbird.” Per google, Kendra already has several original songs out and I like her style of music. She sings an Alicia Keys’ song for her SFYL and it’s hard to do her songs well. Kendra nails it though, giving it a “white chick” spin. As she talks to the judges for a thousand years, Tru and I make a list of the singers that should never be attempted on any talent show. Top of this list is Sarah McLachlan and Amy Lee of Evanescence. Finally, we find out that Kendra has made it to Top 24.

There is nothing that Jordan Dorsey can do to make us forget that he is a total divo pain in the wazoo. It’s a shame that the music teacher started out like such a nice guy but blossomed into all sorts of jackassery. His SFYL performance is called “So High” which is what you’d have to be to enjoy this racket. Where is Aaron, the Beatles night group member with the one glove?  He sang ten times better than Jordan. We will never know because Boy Beyotch is moving on to the next round. Yikes.

Uncle Nigel has made no secret that his very favorite contestant is Lauren Alaina; it’s all over his twitter. Tru loves the girl and I think she is a great singer with a cute personality; I am just hoping she stops with all the ST fawning. I am reminded by My Kid that other contestants are having obvious hero worship moments too, and I agree. It’s just that Lauren is fiiiiifteeeen. She’s real cute tonight in her Barbie cowgirl dress and boots combo; she looks like a miniature Dolly Parton. She does “Unchained Melody” again for SFYL, and it’s understated and nice. Thankfully she doesn’t go all Ann Wilson or LeAnn Rimes with it. She’s a bundle of joy and she’s making it through, no surprise.

Up until now, we’ve remembered Stefano Langone more for his back-story than for his singing. The car wreck survivor performs an original song called “Come Home” during his SFYL round. He sings really well and the lyrics are poignant. I like that they are letting the contestants do original compositions this year. Tru says that there is no way for the judges to know if you blow the lyrics, which is so true! If they ever do a reboot of the Friends franchise, they should look up Stefano. But not this year because he is on to the Top 24. “How YOU doin’?”

The next contestant to take the long walk is Jackie, who has a bluesy, awesome voice. She is wearing bright red tonight, a power color, baby. Unfortunately, she messed up a Kelly Clarkson song pretty badly during her SFYL performance. This is sacred territory. I mean if you MUST do a song made famous by a former Idol winner, then it better be just as good as the original artist. Ten times out of ten, it’s not though, so I don’t know why people bother. The judges talk about “consistency” being important which is a bald-faced lie. Jackie is not going through to the next round and she is not a happy camper! At least she has her Hugh Hefner lookalike boyfriend to comfort her.

And now we have likable Jacob Lusk, he of the over-the-top voice and more runs than the Boston marathon. Tru says that he would be so great in a Tyler Perry movie and I agree. I could also see him on GMC’s Gospel Dream or BET’s Sunday Best. Just not American Idol. Pretty please? Jacob does the song that Elliott Yamin did back in the very good old days, and it’s just not working for me. The judges love him, especially Randy. There is so much caterwauling that Ryan is concerned now. Did someone just step on a cat? It’s just Jacob, who is glad that he made it through. Poor Ryan is spun around like a rag doll. These crazy contestants!

The day is drawing to an end and there are only a few folks left in the waiting room. They are tired, worried, and kinda cranky. They probably need a snack. As Pia Toscano takes the long walk, we notice that there seems to be a dress code for the girls in this episode; they must have all received a memo to wear miniskirts and stilettos. Pia is as pretty as a movie star, very sophisticated. We are reminded that she carried her group in Hollywood and that she is besties with Karen, her duet partner for Beatles round. After a great SFYL performance, Pia is told that she’s made it, so she will be competing with her friend in the Top 24.

I have been way over screecher James Durbin, he of the doo rag, back pocket hankie, and long list of ailments. His SFYL is just as scream-o as everything else he’s done so far. In spite of the song title, “Change is Gonna Come.” We hope but … no. The judges’ facial expressions are funny – Jen does not seem to like it but Steven is over the moon for the guy. Takes all kinds to make a contest I guess. It’s sweet that ST tells James he did his song better than he did. Tru was excited to see more of James in the competition and she gets her wish.

Finally – our man, Casey Abrams!  I ask Tru, “is it okay for me to be totally in love with this guy?” She laughs and says, “No, because I am going to marry him one day!” Casey is funny and adorable, like a big teddy bear that can sing. Right before his SFYL performance, he says that he is going to prove that he can be sexy. He doesn’t have to prove anything. With his stand up bass, Casey does a song from the Roger Rabbit movie and like everything he’s done so far, it’s great. We triple heart fantastically love this boy and the judges do also. When Casey finds out he has made it, he accidentally knocks over The Chair 2.0. Oops!

In the waiting room, there are only two girls left – teenager Thia and some young lady named Jessica that we have never heard from before. This is a no brainer, duh. We’ve seen a lot of Thia this season, notably on last night’s Vocal Coach From Hell segment of Beatles round. Thia sings “You Raise Me Up” for her SFYL and it’s technically well done, but she is like a pageant-bot. A cute, adorable bot but still. Here is what we learn about Jessica – about two seconds of singing is all we can stand, she is a “rocker,” and that she has been on AI seven (count ‘em) SEVEN times. As she and Thia sit in front of the Judgery, she radiates disdain. She tells them that A) it’s her birthday and B) she looks like Posh Spice Beckham. No matter, she’s out and Thia Megia and all of her Cosby sweaters are in. Jessica flips everyone the bird on her way out. Classy chick. Hopefully Mark Burnett will relaunch Rock Star, or there’s always America’s Got Talent. Sharon would love this girl.

Last but not least… three boys wait in the holding room. Teenagers Brett and Jacee, and the cute guy named Colton who has the asymmetrical hairdo. Ryan says that there is one spot left, Brett says two, then Ryan and Brett argue about that for a year. Finally, the three boys make the long walk together, holding hands. All of them are good singers but you couldn’t find three more different young men if you tried. For their SFYL performances, Jacee does a song about being “Gone Too Soon” (foreshadowing much?) Brett performs an original song about not being scared of bullies anymore (or something). Colton sings a song from the Twilight soundtrack and he is the best of these three, in our opinion. Jacee and Colton are told to please audition for Idol again next year because Brett Loewenstern is going through this year. Or perhaps they could try Simon’s X Factor, because they take 12-year-olds there. Not being snarky; it’s true!

The "Green Mile" is finally over and the 24 have been chosen. Ryan bids an anti-climatical good-bye to the camera. Then we see the 12 crazy dancing boys and 12 crazy dancing girls, which is always fun to watch.

Quotes from the longest Green Mile ep ever:

Ryan:  That's one of those moments that will be on the DVD.

Jennifer:  You make a Bronx girl love country music!

Rachel’s grandma:  Have you lost weight? You look like a teenager.  Ryan: You got plans later?

Steven: Holy crumb cakes!

Next week, the Live Shows begin and it’s time to get our voting on! Boys sing Tuesday, girls Wednesday, and results Thursday. I am not impressed with some of these Top 24 choices, but that is always the way it goes. It would be a less interesting show if they could please everyone, right? 

David's First Training Session Back with LA

It's official, David Beckham is back on the field of the Home Depot Center. After spending the past few months training with the Hotspurs, David is back in LA and back with his Galaxy teammates. These are photos from today's training session. Looks like Becks is happy to be back. Can't wait for the season to start.. hopefully they'll win it all this year!

source: Zimbio

Victoria's Beauty Must Haves

During her interview with Allure magazine, Victoria let some of her exclusive beauty must haves out of the bag...

Skincare: "I take my makeup off with Johnson's baby wipes—they're always around because of the kids."

Makeup: "I never wear makeup, when I'm home, but when I do wear makeup, I really like Stila. The foundation is great, and the eye shadows. Wherever I go, I've always got my Lancôme Juicy Tubes. I wear Chanel Gardénia [fragrance], and Chanel has the best nail polishes."

Fitness: "I run four miles every day on the treadmill. I know what works for me, so I've kind of trained myself. I do light weights. I'm not very good at soccer."
source: Allure.com

Magazine Scans: Allure US - March 2011

source: vbgoddess at DenDen - Thanks!!

Victoria at Heathrow

The Beckhams are now back in Los Angeles... but they slipped in quietly that is for sure! Here are some quick snaps of Victoria at Heathrow Airport en route home.

source: www.zigazig-ha.com

From Vegas to "Sing for Your Life" to the Sci-Fi Walkway

In soft sepia tones, we are flashed back to last week when 61 contestants were told that they have made it to the next round.  Now like Faith Hill says, “Hey Baby Let’s Go to Vegas!” They are going to perform Beatles songs because, you know. It’s 1963.

This is your mission should you choose to accept it… in just 24 hours you will go to Vegas, learn a Beatles song and perform it on the Cirque du Soleil stage.  In a group no less.

When Ryan says “Beatles” about half of this under-30 crowd says who? My Kid Tru and I have no hateration towards the boys from Liverpool, but we aren’t really super fans either.  That means that this evening’s episode won’t instigate ire nor joy… just meh.

Ryan explains that this is how it will work… Vegas/Beatles, then one third will be cut. The remaining 40 will “sing for your life” (SFYL) one last time. Then the long walk down a Star Trek-like runway to face The Chair 2.0.

First though, it’s a bus trip to Sin City but it’s NOT a vacation lest we forget. They are fighting for their lives here! Or at least life as a Top 24 contestant of season 10.

The clock is ticking as the contestants break into their groups and practice. No dramatic choosing of groups is shown this time like in Hell-ywood week.

Instead we meet a different kind of purgatory. We receive confirmation that Charlie Sheen is not the devil after all – Peggi Blu is. She is the “vocal coach from hell” and she’s been sent to torture little children, mainly teenagers Thia and Melinda. After coaching them to axe murder each other on stage, everyone is afraid now. Very very afraid.

There are other vocal coaches there also, including a cute man in a hat, but they provide no drama hence not much air time. We finally see Jimmy Iovine and a gang of thugs, er music producers. They provide Beatles Training 101 and are very critical about it. These kids have already admitted that they don’t know the Beatles from a hole in the ground. It’s not their fault that the Idol producers are strange bedfellows with the Beatles catalog of music and are contractually bound to cart it out every year.

To mellow the kids out and/or further confuse them, they take a break to go see the Beatles LOVE Cirque du Soleil show. Because nothing helps you sing better than watching contortionists in action.

The next morning, the stage is taken over by the Idol folks so that the groups can perform their versions of Fab Four songs. Steven is excited because he is actually old enough to remember the British invasion and has the T-shirt to prove it.  Jennifer is dressed as everyone’s favorite stern principal, and Randy’s styling in a leather jacket.

First up are James Doo Rag and Stefano “Tribianni” who sing “Get Back” with varying degrees of shrieking. Tru and the judges like them way more than I do.  Add this to the list of Tylerims: “you went to the way out-ofs-phere.” That comment was the best part of this segment.

Next, Pretty Pia and MySpace Karen are on the red couch with Ryan, and they look like they’re in a Coke lava lamp. Sitting next to each other, the girls look like the before and after versions from a Wen hair care infomercial. They went to a Fame-like high school together, and it shows on their practically perfect rendition of “Can’t Buy Me Love.”  They sound good, but it’s like Stepford meets Miss USA Pageant. ST talks about jumping fences as we admire Karen's Pretty Woman boots.

Back during the practice/coaching session, Jimmy I. tells a trio of oversinging oversingers not to oversing. They don’t listen. Colorful Naima, Joyful Jacob, and Husky Haley would have sounded better on “The Long and Winding Road” if they’d all dialed it down a notch. They are full fledged flat out Gospel Music Channel. Jen pronounces them “very very nice,” and then Randy gives the exact opposite advice than the Jimmy guy. Just another night on Idol.

Next we see Opera Girl Rachel do an Addams Family version of “Eleanor Rigby.” I guess her unknown unnamed group members represent “all the lonely people.” 

The dark-haired Other Lauren That They Won’t Give Airtime To sings “Let it Be” in a beautiful pitch perfect voice. She totally outshines her singing partner, Jovany No Shirt.

Tim Who Likes J.Lo and Julie from Colombia are on keyboards with red lighting and smoke, and they are so good! “You’re asking me if my love will grow” and I say yes. They really rev up the harmonies on “Something” when they leave their seats. Cool, classy, and awesome and the judges agree.

Tru goes to make popcorn while we wait out the thousand commercials. I can’t wait for Terra Nova, coming in May.

The next trio are Jerome in gold sneakers from the Randy Jackson collection, Lakeisha that we have not heard before, and the gal with all the Ts in her name. They do a fantastic job of “I Saw Her Standing There,” especially Lakeisha. Since I’m old-fashioned, it’s weird to hear that the girls don’t change the “she” to a “he.”  As the judges debate, I think that Ta-Tynisa should never wear that shade of light pink lipstick again.  

Another boy/girl duo is up next and they are great – Paul with the beard and Kendra who sang "Georgia" in Hollywood. We haven’t seen very much of them so far this season which makes me wonder - who edits this darn show? They sing “Blackbird” and it’s so perfect that you can tell they are already professionals. I will add them to the list of things to google later. Like J.Lo, we also admire the soft and beautiful harmonies.

Quick montage time: Gay Glasses Clint and a Random Gal sing “Help.” Gorgeous Ashthon sings “Ticket to Ride” with an Unidentified Blonde. John Wayne the cowboy and two black guys we don’t know get by with a little “Help from My Friends.” Steven and his hilarious one-hand clapping.

I sure do wish they had given more time to singing than this next diversion into the white trash edition of A Wedding Story. Wacky Ashley is getting married in the same chapel where Britney got married.  Since that turned out so well, we are all super excited about it! Not. We learn two new things: Ashley looks like Tea Leoni’s wild and crazy grandma, and Dave the camera guy is our new AI hero. I try not to barf out loud because Tru really likes this chick.

It’s Day Two in Vegas. Voiceover Ryan reminds us that the vocal coach from hell wishes death upon all of us. Poor “little darlings” Melinda and Thia attempt “Here Comes the Sun.” They might have hit one note correctly and that one note is mad now. Also angry, Peggi Blu is in the audience rolling her eyes and casting spells. At least the girls are mature about the criticism, which is noble of them.

In the Lava Coke room, Ashley brags to Ryan about her tacky wedding. The blonde gal who had no shoes in Hollywood is the new bride’s duet partner. What was Sophia thinking? The two of them just don’t mesh on “We Can Work it Out.” Uh, no. We can’t see it their way. At least Sophia has shoes tonight and they are great ones.

The trio that was so much maligned by Jimmy and crew are up next – teenagers Lauren, Denise, and Scotty. The girls are dressed in their very best Baby Hookers -R-Us attire, but you have to give them props. No I mean actual props, as in a phone booth that they all exit while singing “Hello Good-bye.” It’s comic relief American Idol style and actually rather entertaining. The judges are somewhat amused but not impressed with the singing. ST compares them to the Marx Brothers, to which all of these teens say who?

They certainly did better than Funny Carson and Basement Caleb who don’t “Please Please Me.” What was the bushy-haired guitarist thinking when he paired off with Norman 2.0? That he wants off the show I suppose. Of course, Tru disagrees and loves them both.

Our favorite guy Casey teams with Frodo Chris and they have matching socks, guitars and hats. Their version of “Hard Day’s Night” is not appealing to me, and my puppy is seeking a blanket to climb under. Maybe she could use the one on the bed that the guys are using as a prop. Supposedly straight men should not ever jump on beds together. I am just saying.

The last group shown has Robbie “Barone,” Jordan the Boy Beyotch and a one gloved guy named Aaron. Of these three, Aaron is the best and who knows where have they been keeping this guy. “Got to Get You Into My Life,” unknown guy. We can’t help but wonder why they put the Jewish boy onstage in front of a giant lighted cross?? This show man. They sure like to mix things up.

Through fog and a rising stage, Ryan warns us that we have Results Right Now. Randy says they are making brutal cuts. It won’t be these – Thia, Scotty, Jordan, Ashthon, Robbie, Lauren, and James. Not surprisingly, they are on their way to the Top 40.

Not making it are the Unknowns That We Never Met and Never Got Air Time and also Molly the intern, Funny Carson, Basement Caleb, Denise who looks like one of the Cosby kids, Melinda from Kosovo, and newly married Ashley.  On that last one, America breathes a sigh of relief and says FINALLY. Except for Tru, who still likes her.

Lots of tears from boys and girls and we wish we knew some of their names. No time for that because now we have a Top 40. They will go back to Hollywood for a last chance at survival round called sing for your life (SFYL.)

So the Vegas show was quick and now we are on a totally different episode. We’ll see the contestants walk one by one into a place that looks like where they kept the aliens on The X-Files. This show has gained major street cred in the geek community, I tell you no lie.

The final judgment starts right now and it will take a while because the runway is about 8 miles long in this hangar that they are in.  For some reason Jennifer is dressed like Jessica Rabbit.

First up is Naima Adedapo and we are reminded that she is a mom, a janitor and has a unique and funky sense of 80s-meets-Jamaica style. Her SFYL performance was the old song about records that has been done to death. Tru and I like Naima and are glad that she makes it through to the next round. She goes into Fly Girl territory though, reminding everyone that Jenny has been around the block a few times.

Next to make the long walk is tiny blonde Hollie, and who knew that she had a British accent? She has proven herself to be a strong performer and great singer. We see a bit of her SFYL performance of “No One,” which she nailed. We are surprised when she is told that she didn’t make it. She wants to get up and go now with dignity, but they make her stay and listen to a pep talk. Jen really wants her to come back next year. Tru says heh, maybe we’ll see her on Simon’s X Factor show because of the UK solidarity. That would be so cool.

We are not as affected by the next couple of eliminations. We only heard a snippet of Lakeisha and who is the guy named Alex? We never knew the guy who looked like David Archuleta's more stylish cousin.

Chipmunk Clint Gamboa a.k.a. Junebug a.k.a. Asshat is very upset about Lakeisha and wants everyone to know it. Boo fricking hoo. Tru and I don’t like him although she gives him credit for being a good singer. I don’t think he does great on his SFYL song. “Hello,” David Cook nailed this so much better back in the season that was really good. In front of the judges he goes on and on about being a jackass, and he makes it through and we are annoyed now. All I can say is that I hope he gets his glasses from zenni.com because he has like, a thousand pairs.

Husky voiced Haley Reinhart is the next one to take the walk. She is one of those singers that gets by on the “she’s so unique” card. Tru and I want to like her because she seems like a nice gal, but we can’t even tell what she’s singing most of the time. To pass time (because the walk down the alien runway really is long), we discuss other singers who have unusual voices that we had to get used to. Stevie Nicks and Alanis Morrisette come to mind. Haley and her growling will be around, because she’s through to Top 24. I can’t help but think that Jen would have traded Haley for Hollie though. Just a feeling.

We are reminded of the cute teenager Deandre, which sounds like a girl’s name, but he is really a boy. What little we’ve seen of him so far has been pretty good, including his SFYL tune with a ukulele. If they want the tween vote, they need to look no further than this boy. Alas it is not to be – he is let go in spite of being told how marketable he is. I think he should head over to the set of the new Hawaii Five-0 and try out for a guest starring role, because that show has a lot of pretty stuff like him. Even the technology on that show is sexy, but I digress.

We have been watching this for one hundred thousand years, and they have only selected three people so far. "My Sweet Lord." Obviously this is going to continue in tomorrow night’s show. Can’t help but think that they could have shortened these Dr. Phil-like segments by a whole lot so that we could see more Vegas or SFYL singing.

Tru tells me that she read on AOL that the FOX network told the producers to edit the show to build up the selection process drama. Then again FOX is the network that cancelled the amazing Firefly before its first season, so they are not that smart. (So what if it’s been nine years? Browncoats don’t forget.)

All might be forgiven now, because we finally get to see Paul McDonald with the beard and great smile again. What little we’ve seen of him has been good. He has the high-pitched voice that I don’t usually like on a guy, but it suits him. As he makes the long walk, I realize that he is like a combination of David Cook, Chris Tomlin and Bradley Cooper, three things that are very good in different ways. We learn that he did an original song for his SFYL round while wearing a suit from the closet of Elvis’s ghost. ST liked it of course. Paul can wear anything he likes and we will get to see more because he is through to Top 24.

Next up is another Nashville native, the girl who could be America’s Next Top Model, Ashthon Jones. She is very pretty and sophisticated and doesn’t seem to have the cockiness of some of the past divas that we’ve known. She does a generic version of an old Whitney song for the SFYL round though, so we’re not sure. While Tru and I debate over whether we like her hair curly and wild or sleek and straight, we finally find out that she has made it through. It’s cute how she pulls a psych-out on her waiting family. Nice girl and we hope she doesn’t morph into Syesha 2.0.

We are running out of time and the tension is high. Voiceover Ryan reminds us again that this competition is hard on the judges - I mean contestants. No he really said judges.  I sense foreshadowing.

The very nice guy Chris, with the Frodo hairdo and sweet spirit makes the long walk next. Technically he is not a great singer, but his performances are moving. The song he sings for SFYL round is the heartbreaking “Fix You” song. Tru thinks he sounds as good as Coldplay because she doesn’t like them.  Chris reminds us of his injured fiancée again, and he seems sincere instead of maudlin. This story is so sad and we want the best for him and wonder who will play him in the inevitable Lifetime movie? Jen is the one who has to tell Chris that he is going back home to take care of his girl, and I bet you that a lot of female babies born nine months from now will be named Juliana. Although Chris makes a dignified exit, Jennifer has a nervous breakdown. This show man. Sincere, contrived or not, it’s hard to watch sometimes.

Quotes from tonight:

Ashley (to her fiance):  You’re going through with it or I’ll kill you in your sleep.

Jacob:  I didn’t want to take it all the way to Ebenezer Baptist on y’all.

Steven:  Hey man, what were you doing in my closet? … that’s a law suit.

Tomorrow night we will see the rest of the grueling selection process as the contestants walk down the alien runway. Probably more therapy sessions too. Will J.Lo find the strength to continue? Will all of the contestants get to leave in a pimped out limo van? Viewing the next episode will require lots of chocolate, but I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Video: The Making of Intimately Yours

David's Last Day with the Hotspurs

Yesterday, David Beckham practiced for the last time with the Tottenham Hotspurs. This was his final training session with the team before he heads back to California and joins his teammates over at the LA Galaxy for their upcoming MLS season.
source: popsugar

Happy Belated Birthday Cruz!

This Sunday was Cruz Beckham's sixth birthday. I was unable to post on Sunday so I just wanted to wish the littlest of the Beckham bunch a very happy belated birthday!
photo: DailyMail

Victoria Covers Grazia this Week

This week, Victoria Beckham is on the cover of Grazia. It's an older photo, but the piece inside is supposed to be "new".

"Pregnant Victoria was a triumph at New York Fashion Week but the very next day a US Judge delivered a crushing blow to her and Becks . . . We’ve got all the details!"

source: Grazia

In VB's Closet: Victoria Beckham Spring 2011 - #88

Victoria wore dress #88, the knot drape dress, in black from her spring 2011 collection last night while out for London's Fashion Week. She paired the dress with her vintage Hermes Lydie bag and poker straight locks.

source: Style & CG

Victoria & David Spotted During London Fashion Week

They bounced from one Fashion Week to the next! Victoria and David Beckham were spotted exiting the Love, Liberty and Alexander Wang Fashion party at Liberty in London's Mayfair yesterday. The couple tried their best to stay away from the shutterbugs, but they couldn't escape the ones who waited outside for them and captured them exiting via a side entrance while surrounded by security guards.

source: Zimbio & Celebrity-Gossip

Fall 2011 Presentation: Victoria's Narration & Close Ups

I'm so glad that someone posted the video above of Victoria's narration of her fall 2011 collection! I love the fact that she does this but we haven't really had the ability to hear a full on presentation.. well unless you're lucky enough to be invited to her show! Below are a few close up shots for you all to enjoy!

*Thanks to Vanda for the links!

source: HolyMoly & Guardian

The Beckhams Receive Royal Wedding Invitation

David and Victoria Beckham have been invited to the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton .

The two are among 1,900 guests who have been issued a gold-embossed invitation to the event at Westminster Abbey on April 29, the Telegraph reported.

The Beckhams have been invited on account of David's work with Prince William on England's 2018 World Cup bid.

The Prince is president of the Football Association and the pair spearheaded the bid at a presentation in Zurich last year.

Even though a spokesman for the footballer has declined to confirm the invitation, sources have revealed that the couple received one.
source: Times of India, HollyScoop

Video: Victoria Interviewd By a Young Fashion Show Attendee

David Beckham Joins Usher Backstage

Usher is currently on tour and of course the Beckhams had to stop and see him while he was in London. The R&B singer was at the O2 arena on Friday and posed backstage for a photo with David.

source: www.zigazig-ha.com

Video: Victoria's Interivew on CNN

This Saturday on CNN, there was a fashion bit done by CNN's New York correspondent Alina Cho who explored the ins and outs of Fashion Week. Included in the presetation was a brief interview with Victoria Beckham. The fashion designer discussed her new collection and talks of a fifth Beckham baby!

David Debuts Victoria's Duffle Bag

They were the highlight of the bags from Victoria's fall 2011 collection and leave it to David to debut one. I'm talking about Victoria's new duffle bags. These bags were definitely a focal point in the presentation and of course, they were designed because each season Victoria makes sure there is something her hubby could use... a duffle is perfect!

David rocked the black leather version while leaving NYC. I'm just surprised Victoria didn't tote one of her designs as well.

source: JustJared & BagSnob

Victoria's New Boots

There was a bit of a debate on whether or not these boots were by Christian Louboutin as I had originally posted. Some of you thought they were Brian Atwood boots, and even Alaia. I haven't seen them yet, I've been searching, but they do resemble Alaia soles now that Anon has pointed it out to me (thanks!)... I'll keep looking and when I find them, I'll update this post.

They are suede with a chunky heel and if you look closely, there seems to be lace detail towards the back.

Source: CP

In VB's Closet: Celine Classic Box Bag

Victoria toted the highly coveted Celine Classic Box bag when heading out from the Carlyle hotel. This bag is really amazing because it seems to have either detachable straps or a way to tuck them in because it can be carried as a chic clutch, just like Victoria has done.

*Thanks to Iz Andrew for your comment!

In VB's Closet: VB Jeans & Marc Jacobs Coat

When making her way to London, Victoria Beckham wore a pair of gray mid-rise ankle-length skinny jeans from her new collection and a Marc Jacobs cutaway leather jacket. You can purchase her jeans here for $215 and the fabulous leather jacket here for $2,200.

*A big thanks to one of my readers, Lindsay, for your email and help with the links for these IDs!

Victoria & David's Stylish Departure

Now that NY Fashion Week has come to a close, her collection has been presented, and her interviews complete, Victoria Beckham and her hunky hubby left the Carlyle hotel on Wednesday and headed back to London.

The duo looked as stylish as ever. Both wore gray jeans and carried black bags. Victoria wore a lovely leather coat, her Louboutin boots, VB sunglasses, and a knitted cap. David wrapped up warmly in a cozy scarf and wore a pair of glasses that looked oh so amazing on him!

source: CP

Hollywood Week, Part 3 “Baby Lock them Doors from Georgia Doo Bee Doo Bee Doo”

After approximately 1000 years we are still in Hollywood.  We see quick flashes of those who have elegantly said good bye as well as those who still have a shot at impressing the judges tonight.

My Kid Tru and I are looking forward to this a lot more than Kaylee the superpup - she is more interested in her squeaky fish toy. This puppy needs her own reality show, no lie. She could show all of these contestants how to be a diva with a capital D.I.V.A!

We have a Memento moment with this episode tonight. We start at night time with the 100 contestants sitting in a giant holding room while the Judgery play solitaire in the dark with their photographs. Then we flashback to … morning sky, herbal tea, buffet breakfast, more practicing, and lots of mugging for the cameras.

Ryan tells us that it’s Contestants Choice for this solo round – they can sing with an instrument, sing with the band, or sing a cappella. Key word = SING.

First up is blonde Haley who has something to prove, because evidently her group performance was not that great. Tru says that she reminds her of a growly Jewel who needs to invest in a hair straightener. Haley sings “God Bless the Child” like she is Christina in Burlesque. Didn’t she know that movie flopped? (At least she would probably remember the “ramparts” though.) The judges bestow love and “redemption” on the girl but it’s early yet.

Ashthon looks like a contestant on that Tyra modeling show. Tru says she also needs a straightener, but I tell her that maybe curls are “in.” This gal is gorgeous and stylish but sounds exactly like everyone else who has sung this song only less so. “And I Am Telling You” that I remember Jennifer and LaKisha “and you and you” were maybe not as good, but way more pretty in the red dress.

Next up is the little gal named Thia in a sweater from the Dr. Huxtable collection. She sings the “Wonderful World” song and reminds me of Jasmine from season four, but with a deeper voice. Terry Fator sang this better with his puppets but that was another show. Before we can realize that the letters of the alphabet are on Thia’s rainbow sweater, she’s finished howling the Louie Armstrong classic.

It’s not such a wonderful world for Adrian who blames his mess-up on the band. And you can’t even say “Yo Adrian” because he is not Rocky’s wife, he’s a guy Adrian in spite of all the earrings. Tru reminds me that I am old-fashioned and rolls her eyes at me.

Performing with professionals is also not working for the other guy named Caleb who is a giant tool about it. Poor Velma from Scooby-Doo wails something about lipstick stains and can’t find the right note with a map. (Those meddling kids!) The keyboardist is not happy at all about being blamed for the failure of these divas to sing in key.

Speaking of divas, we are reminded of cutthroat Junebug who has switched to black glasses but still looks like Simon from the Chipmunks. He is sing-yelling “Georgia on My Mind” with a whole lot of runs and too many “oh yeahs.” Tru says she thinks he needs to shorten it to George, heh. He sounds like he is trying to KILL this song and success! It’s dead so stop already. I don’t know why everyone seems to be auditioning for Broadway so far tonight.

A couple of blondes we haven’t seen before also do “Georgia” and they sound almost exactly the same. One is named Kendra, a name that the E channel has ruined, and the other one is barefoot and looks like a blonde Nancy Griffin. Tru says the second one reminds her of the gal in Paramore, but I am not sure who that is and will have to google it later.

Frodo Chris is going to do an acoustic version of “My Prerogative.” He just wants to mix things up a bit to break the depression. Funny Guy Carson is also doing the same song, but the difference is he will be using the band. Tru and I argue over Carson - she loves him and thinks he can sing.  I think he would be okay for Last Comic Standing but not this show, especially when he has a Taylor Hicks “kill the mic stand” moment.  I have to admit that Carson seems adorable, but I don’t tell that to My Kid.

Next we see the performers who used their own instruments. Julie on piano sings about how she won’t write anyone a “Love Song.” Bushy Caleb from the basement “feels it all over” with his guitar, but he is no “Sir Duke.”  “What About Now” asks Colton from the piano, and he has pretty eyes and Japanese anime hair.

Carrot Brett and his guitar whine about something, I am not sure what, but it is obvious that everyone will love it because that is how precious he is. Robbie on keyboard sings “Gravity” very well.  I like it when boys sing girl songs and vice versa, it makes it interesting. Tru and I both like Sara Bareilles, and we think he did it justice. (More so than Julie earlier on the other popular song by Sara.)

One of our very favorite season 10 contestants is bearded Casey, who is performing with a stand up bass.  Ryan explains that this is an Idol first. One of the lovable things about Casey is that he is 19 but looks 32. I bet he never gets carded! On stage, he gives crazy faces, perfect singing and we don’t even know the song until finally he says “Georgia.”  Tru asks “Can I have one?”  I reply, “A stand up bass?” She answers, “Him.”  ST can’t help himself from doing backup as Casey channels everything in this world that is good and fun. Such a great performer, and nice guy, too. 

Casey tries to comfort Chelsee, but we are not feeling sorry for the redheaded ex-GF who is crying over her “circumstances.”  The T2000 has come apart and Heidi Clone has to go back to the shop for rewiring. She’s known her for a mere few days, but Red Head is losing the best friend she’s ever had! Don’t you understand this!? On stage, Red puts a country twang on the Kelly Clarkson song about being afraid to stray from the sidewalk.  I am afraid too, Red. That your ex sings way better than you, and “Because of You” he is out. This is a good example of what happens when nice girls hang out with skanks - that stench rubs off.

Next up is Lauren, and she is adorable in the clips that they show of her being a child. There is something about her that bothers me though. She is way too cutesy with her flirting with the Geritol crowd. Tru reminds me that ST is the coolest old man ever, but still. I try to just listen to her perfect rendition of the Armageddon song (again), and she almost makes us forget the 1,479 other times this has been sung on Idol. Jen reminds ST and the rest of us that Lauren is Fiiiiiifteeeeen.

Jason 'doo bee doo bee doos' his way through “God Bless the Child” and reaches for every note from every galaxy of Fantasia. He spits and scats and sputters as the judges tap on the vitaminwater cups. "Mama may have" and "papa may have" but Jason really does have. Tru says he is really good for jazz and blues and she likes him a lot. He seems to be possessed by some holy spirit and after a standing ovation from everyone, he runs through the auditorium. Strange boy this Jason. Amen!

From this sobbing nervous breakdown we awkwardly segue to John Wayne. He is the cowboy with the cute face and the hat and the same green shirt from his first audition. He does Stevie Nicks' "Landslide" but he probably thinks that he is doing a Dixie Chicks song because he's that young. Jen even sings along but it’s not really in harmony. His voice is just average but if they let girls in based on pretty, it’s only fair they let him go through also, yes?

Wacky Ashley has a “I’m hiding behind this curtain because I love you” moment, to paraphrase Dug from Up. She goes on and on about how she hasn’t bombed yet but she messes up words, and all of her 18 personalities try to take over on stage now. "Go to the chorus!" Randy begs. She sings pretty well but this is why having your boyfriend there to make you nervous is not a good thing. At least he loves her for how crazy she is and Tru says "I want them to get married and have thousands of crazy little babies and her to perform on Broadway."

Now for some more boys in varying stages of cutefulness. We can feel car wreck survivor Stefano "all over" and we notice he has Joey Tribbiani eyes. Jovany won’t sing with the band but still loves Marc Antony; he also still has a shirt and reminds us of Victor in Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse.  Lil Jacee sings David Cook like you expect an infant would sing it, and the judges seem to be having the "time of their life." Tru and I adore this boy for his sweet nature and pure voice, but does anyone honestly think he is ready for the live stage? 

Also not quite ready for the big time live shows is our hometown boy Scotty. He is dismayed that he won’t be able to sing that One Song He Knows because it is not on The List. For no apparent reason he chooses "I Hope You Dance" even though he doesn't know it at all. He mangles, massacres, and mutilates the words, complete with sub-titles, but before we can ponder nuts of wonder –

Here comes a really pretty gal who has a Paris Bennett face and a weird name with too many T’s – what is it with these names parents? Anyway... her voice is nowhere near close to key on the Lee Ann Womack classic. "I hope another door opens" for this girl indeed, because it's a hot mess. From the songs on The List, seems like they would know something better than this. 

These two teenagers, so different in every way except this one song in common, are back in the holding room. They are both beating themselves up about their horrid performance. Scotty apologizes to the camera but the other girl is sobbing into her phone like she has actual privacy. But we all know that there is no such thing when you sell your soul to 19 Entertainment. Then I am distracted because I notice that there is a girl who looks like Carly Smithson sitting right in front of Scotty. Where's she been and what is her story? We may never know...  

Now the 100 "gifted performers" are waiting… the judges are deliberating. The editors are having fun with video split screen special effects. There is more tension than a college basketball game. Who needs March Madness when you’ve got Idol?

A million years of commercials later, the contestants are divided into four groups in four different rooms. Just large empty rooms, no chairs, just sitting on the floor. (This show doesn't make enough crazillions of dollars that the brass can’t spring for some seats?) According to Voiceover Ryan, this is a long drawn out process and I bet there are some hurting, tired butts in there. 

The folks in Room 1 with Wacky Ashley form a prayer group because they just know their tired butts are outta there. But surprise! This first room makes it through to the next round, including Carrot Brett, Flirty Lauren, Doo Rag James, Frodo Chris, Robbie Barone, Casey!!! and a lady who looks like one of the moms from group night.

The contestants in Room 2 are depressed now because they have ears and can hear the delighted squeals of Room 1. We will say adios to a lot of people we don’t even remember to start with. Corey with the sister makes a tent with his coat and even J.Lo's canary top and sparkly shorts can’t comfort him because, well duh.

Room 3 has even more people that we don’t know, including a gal who looks like the sister of the actress who plays on Bones and a guy who looks like Blake Lewis. The last of the remaining Gutierrez brothers is in this losing room, so they can go audition for SNL. Also leaving is Red Head Ex who can go visit Heidi in the hospital now, so that all worked out nicely.

Surely Room 4 will be given a chance and after contrived drama, they are indeed. This is good because we have colorful Naima, Julie from Colombia, and hometown Scotty. Tru is delighted that Carson is in this room and that’s okay, I guess. But ugh Junebug is still around to kick more puppies and kittens. Annoying Opera Girl Rachel lets out an aria.

Now in the hallway, the Room 1 and Room 4 groups merge upon each other like an Idol version of running with the bulls. Once again we notice Casey and Julie hug each other and it would be nice to have a love connection on the show wouldn't it? This is reality television after all.

Quotes from Hollywood part 196:

Casey: Wanna come play, Randy?  Randy: Later...

Jason: I am not a crier.  Ryan: Could have fooled me.

The “out and out jubilation” will continue next week. For the first time there will be a round in Vegas at Cirque du Soleil. The remaining contestants will be doing Beatles songs in groups. So another Group Round but with outfits! Hopefully no clowns though because I have both read and seen Stephen King’s It, and I don’t trust clowns.

Hollywood Week, Part 2 "Amazing Grenades and F-bombs Here We Come"

It seems forever ago that we saw round one of Hollywood week, instead of merely six days. As the old song says “time goes by so slowly…” (Actually that is so not true when you’re my age, but I digress.)

Tonight we have two hours to see personality clashes, groups “exploding on stage,” and more drama than a whole season’s worth of Real Housewives of Wherever.

Me, My Kid (Tru) and Kaylee the Superpup have settled in on the sofa, all snug with our blankies. And smug too, waiting to judge the action! 

Mr. States-the-Obvious Seacrest tells us that the Hollywood Week Group Rounds are the toughest of the competition. They prove it with footage of “Hell Week” from seasons past. We get a kick out of remembering the devil beard “I don’t do groups” rant. Good times!

So how to explain group night… it’s like Real World meets Snapped, hosted by Jerry Springer. With a little bit of Intervention and Swamp People thrown in.

It works like this - 168 remaining contestants have to break into groups of at least three. The day one singers thought that they would get a head start, but Nigel fixed their little red wagon. Each group must contain members from both day one and day two. Surprise!

So this puts Carrot Boy Brett and his gang of unknowns in a quandary right away. They think they’ve found a Random Blonde but oops that Vain Jersey gal snatches her away. Nobody else wants anything to do with Tiffany and not only because of her inflated ego. Every girl should know when to go with strapless.

It’s NJ skank vs. NC schoolboy when naïve teenage Scotty backs away slowly, breath spray in hand. Or is it mace? Our hometown boy is really out of his element in this crowd, and we’re a little bit nervous for him. He wanders aimlessly from group to group, trying to find someone who is compatible with non-dancing male country baritone.

Jordan – the piano teacher who was so sweet during his first audition – is now known as the Boy Beyotch in a Hat. He rudely rejects Scotty as well as a cute little gal he calls a “weak link.” As we know, H’wood group week is where our divas and divos are introduced. The claws really come out and the freak flags fly.

Some guy who looks like a cross between David Spade and Norman from the season I stopped watching is expressing dismay at not finding a group.

We also see a tidbit from Fiancé Frodo and more of poor Scotty singing that One Song he knows. Karaoke Junebug with the big white glasses is being an asshat.

Then we see Ashley, the wild child who may or may not be on meth. Tru says that her teeth are not jacked up enough to be on meth. Maybe she’s just a beginning user. If so there might be hope.

Vain Jersey and her Random Blonde just can’t get a third person to join them because no one wants an STD. More caterwauling ensues and then finally the freakin’ producers let them be a duo. I call BS on that.

Voiceover Ryan explains to the viewing audience that there is no end to the frustration and desperation of people who just want a private place to practice. There are 39 groups and each one thinks that they are the only one, you know?

The cute dimpled brothers, along with the boy who crushed on J.Lo are in the boys’ bathroom. Fiancé Frodo, the singing waitress, and some others are in the girls’. This math doesn’t really add up, and I wonder if this second group can read the signs? But the acoustics, wow. I can totally dig on the acoustics.

Next is a cheesy fun segment with lots of freshmen in high school including one that looks like Sister Sister. Very pretty blue nail polish talks about the advantages of being a toddler - no stress and better dancing. And look it’s the moms, lots and lots of them, looking the way that tired moms look. One boy has long curly hair and Tru squees that she is being all pedo again, crushing on these 16-year-olds.

Someone who is not digging the “Minors” is James with the doo rag. He gripes about how some kids have a better advantage and he makes a valid point. He really should mind his own beeswax though and tend to his own garden. In his own group is the teen girl with the two-toned hair who was somewhat a wreck during her first audition. I think she is wishing her mom was there as well. And Doo Rag guy? Screaming does not equal singing. Just saying.

Now the Exes and the Heidi Clone with the boyfriend who is gone are Three’s Company. Poor Frank Buffay, Jr.-looking guy is eaten alive by this Terminator Barbie, and the redheaded Ex acts as her (its) enabler.

Ashley of the maybe drug addiction is coming off her meds (or high, whichever.) She looks 40 years old in the face and you just don’t get that way from lack of sleep alone. The very nice young ladies in her group try to hug her through the pain but she just wants to go home. Instead of letting her go to get the medical/ mental/ drug counseling she needs, the producers encourage her to stay. This is not in her best interest. And why the heck’s her boyfriend there?

Meanwhile, back to Gay Glasses and his group which includes Scotty and the boy who looks like Jake Harper. Jacee
is his name, and we will remember it because he will be the cause of an entire box of Kleenex to be consumed by Tru and me. They kick him out of the group! This darn show, man. Jacee cries and his parents are sweet and he walks around with his CD player and earplugs while we snivel.

Holy crap American Idol. I don’t care anymore about Jordon Boy Beyotch and his drama queen antics. Who does he think he is anyway, Kanye? The gal with the long curly hair, Lauren, is trying to salvage their act and it's good riddance to bad rubbish when Jordan leaves for another group.

Meth Girl comes back and her group mates compassionately and warmly take her back. This is very sweet and makes Tru and me cry even more. I think part of this is because we both have PMS.

The group with Carrot Brett is still looking for a day two member and they find Jacee. And Jacee finds them and then the theme of the Brady Bunch plays. (Not really.) Then a really pretty black gal says she was praying and we are all happy now because Jacee was the answer.

And I loathe a whole lot of people on this show right now. Not just Gay Glasses and Beyotch Boy but also Vain Jersey, Heidi Clone with the exes and Doo Rag boy with the screaming. I bet Tru that all of these douchebags make it to the next round, but she wisely doesn’t bet against that action because this is American Idol and we know how they think.

It’s the next morning and we see Jackie with the old-fart beau for the first time tonight. She is not putting any makeup on, she is THAT tired. Then it’s pretty girls in the hallway who did take time to dress nicely. One of them looks like a very young Marilu Henner, to which My Kid says who?

More pressure, more practice, more posing. Voiceover Ryan warns us: some of your favorites “Will. Be. Going. Home.”

39 groups and Tru and I wish we could see all of these at some point. That would mean “Hollywood Week Group Rounds the Miniseries,” but surely they could post these online somewhere on idol.com. They have the footage so why not?

We are not to question because it’s time for Judgery Pep Talk - shiny golden Steven tells them that he knows about addictions and fame – “been there, done that, got that poster, BEEN that poster.” Poufy Dynasty- attired Jennifer talks about “all kinds of stuff” and Randy says that if you forget the words you have to wear polka dots like him.

Finally singing. A trio of tall skinny girls with noses like that snobby girl on Glee are up first. They sing a song about grenades and cutting yourself with blades and this song has weirdass lyrics. Tru starts singing along and quite honestly, she sounds as good as these girls. I ask her what is this awful song? She says it’s by that guy who just got out of cocaine charges and won a Grammy. Okay. Anyway, all three lovelies make it through but the one named Pia was the best.

Ryan quizzes groups backstage to rehash and reiterate that Jordan is the Bad Guy, and a young man who looks exactly like him only shorter and less flamboyant is the Good Guy. It’s like WWE but with singing. The vocal coach Debbie Byrd comes in to referee.

It is official – I so very much dislike this Jordan. Robbie Dustin Hoffman Jr. is not helping himself by singing with him or being in his general vicinity. Their harmonies are okay and the singing is meh; nothing really standing out. The judges disagree and J.Lo says that it was good and they are all going through. It’s so funny how all of the other members of Jordan’s group dislike him as much as we do. You can tell a lot by body language.

Next is the abandoned group who sings that song that has the F-word that you can’t say on TV. None of these people are Gwyneth Paltrow or that big guy who is like the black Elton John. Tru tells me Cee-Lo but I don’t really care. On stage tonight the curly-haired Lauren is doing that “I’m angry” kind of singing and she sounds great. Others in the group that we don’t know sing the gold-digger backup vocals. It’s not bad and they all make it through. It’s still hard to believe how they make the contestants stand there while the judges debate. I can hear Willow Rosenberg’s voice say “I’m Exactly. Right. Here!”

A very funny moment when the abandoned group disses Jordan, as in Jordan who? Michael Jordan? Jordin Sparks? We don’t know no other Jordan, yo. I like the ones with a sense of humor, so these are my people.

Ryan says it’s a strong start for group rounds UNTIL! Cue the music from Psycho. Or Jersey Shore. Or Kendra. Take your pick. Vain Jersey and the Random Blonde prove to everyone’s dismay that they are not “Irreplaceable” and it’s “to the left, to the left” or wherever the exit is, take it. There is really no explanation to the madness. It’s not surprising how the blonde goes from “my angel” to Jersey’s victim of “back off beyotch.” What a “Situation,” but minus the abs.

Speaking of abs… some shirtless boy opens his hotel door; he overslept and his group is ticked that they are all late for their turn now. Meanwhile back in the auditorium, Steven entertains the crowd with a drum solo and a few hearty yelps.

Finally the group performs the other Bruno Mars song - the one that makes my teeth hurt because it’s so darn sweet. Sadly, they are not “so beautiful.” It’s rather off-key except for MySpace Karen who is “amazing just the way” she is. The judges agree and she makes it through as well as Jovany Who Stripped in New Orleans. ST must need new granny glasses because he reads “congrats to you three” when it’s only two of them going through. We are all confused now.

Before the next group performs we see very unnecessary footage of a girl dubbed Noodle Nose. It’s too gross to even begin to explain here. Also gross? Underage girls who flirt with men old enough to be their great grandpa.

Ke$ha-haired Lauren is the leader of this pack and although Tru and I like her singing a lot, we’re not sure of this trickery. They ask ST to sit in a chair on stage with them while they sing and gyrate around him. They all sing very well, it’s just kind of nasty. He even gives a howl and pretends that he is going to “be partial.” Lauren is heralded to be Uncle Nigel’s very favorite so she goes through. The rest of them don’t make it though, which is confusing because they were all equally good. The other three gals are weirdly supportive while Lauren smiles through some fake “Cryin’” (which plays in the background.)

Before we can say Pimping Contestants Makes Viewers Dislike Them, we are on to another lengthy commercial break. I have time to make some white chocolate covered pretzels. Yum. The stress of this show will make anyone want a snack!

The next group to perform are all from Nashville, including a really cute guy named Colton in a beanie, and Matt with the dirty hat/overalls combo. For the most part they are terrifyingly bad on the “Just the Way You Are” song and the judges are about to barf. Only cute Colton and his beanie make it through that horror show.

Also having a bad day – a blonde who dances like Elaine on Seinfeld, Jen’s facial expressions, and a group of people who can’t sing the F-you song. I just don’t get it - why do artists write and perform songs and put them on albums when key words will be bleeped when played in public? Tru is a true believer in the right to say the F-word and finds nothing wrong with it. I am too old-fashioned I guess. Having this song on American Idol and Glee and The Grammys, just feels icky and fake though. Like when that Samuel L. Jackson movie aired on TV and his infamous line was edited as “too many monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane.” Such lameness, but I digress.

Anyway back on stage… Jen is dismayed – disheartened I tell you! – at the display of early hopefuls who are doing poorly tonight. The pretty blonde country gal from Austin is crashing with pig tails and a crocheted cap. Alyson, the one that ST thought may or may not have been the great granddaughter of a groupie he once knew. Some chick that is “arguing with them” to give her another chance.

The saddest of these is Paris, the one with the deaf child, and Jen and the other judges are so disappointed. Paris can go home to her daughter now while they all sit in stunned disbelief.

A song called “It’s Over Goodbye” plays in the background and this song is epic. Remind me to google it later. Tru and I are shocked to see the elimination of the black gal/white parents who sang country so well. Not so much the Chicken Dancing girl. One of the dimpled brothers is let go and one stays. So many tears and slow motion walking away from dreams.

Randy and his bright red shirt give a pep talk. He BELIEVES in these performers and he is rallying for them.  I notice that his shirt matches the red Coke cups that they usually have but it’s the purple vitaminwater that they are pimping tonight. Who knew that was a Coke product?

On stage is Meth Girl and her three friends. (Tru frogs me every time I call her that; she has an odd liking for this gal.) They sing the song that Janay sang so badly back in season 4; the difference is these gals tonight are awesome! Their harmonies are great and Ashley kinda sorta redeems herself with good singing. They even have prop money that they toss up in the air. “Hit ‘em Up Style” indeed. The best of these four girls is named Ashthon and with a name like that you have to be gorgeous. Even the competitors in the audience are digging this and all of them go through.

Not everyone is in the auditorium though. Outside, there is more practicing among the Minors with their moms looking on, one of them blowing cigarette smoke rings.

Ryan encourages the rivalry as James Doo Rag and his group take the stage only to massacre a Queen song. The harmonies really are painful and the stage moms of the “rivals” agree. Geez, “can anybody find me” … some earplugs? Even the extremely cute unknown guy can’t help this mess. The only ones selected from this performance are a guy named Caleb (who did just as bad as the rest) and Doo Rag. I am so completely over him and his shrieking.

More stage moms sit in judgment and they are annoying, but we can’t blame their antics on the kids. And these kids are more than all right. They don’t miss a single note and the harmony is excellent. We have found a lot of “somebodies to love” including the extremely cute boy with the hair. Standing “O” from the judges and then “We are the Champions” plays in the background. Wow these kids. Steven even says that Freddie Mercury is smiling down, or up whichever. Then they ruin the moment with more stage mom shenanigans.

The girls of the Three’s Company team are ridiculing the token Jack Tripper. With a malevolent smile, Heidi Clone says she will hit this boy with her taser. Really now? Rob wouldn’t notice because he’s tired and doesn’t even care anymore.

Also not caring is the next group. One boy has the lyrics of that stupid “Grenade” song written on his hand. Didn’t he get the memo that this is a capital offense? Corey, the one with the adorable long lost sister, mumbles words and won’t look at the audience. Hollie of the Austin nervous breakdown sings very well in a shiny white jacket. Although they are dubbed as one of the worst groups, Corey and Hollie still make it through. Poor Corey doesn’t even understand why the heck he made it, but runs off the stage before he shoots himself in the foot with Heidi Clone’s taser.

Ryan tells us that a couple of groups will be performing a cappella, including the one that Julie from Colombia and Casey with the melodica are in. As a group, they are not sounding great on “Get Ready,” but individually they sound fine, plus they are color coordinated. Julie already looks like a star and Casey looks like… well, a comedian. That doesn’t matter because they are both going on to the next round. We don’t even remember the others so it’s okay.

The next group sings the same song but with better harmonies and kinda fabulous but cheesy choreography. And matching red high heels! Always a plus. A black guy named Jacob wraps it up with a high to deep run that is fantastic. In this group are Naima the janitor and Matt with the Off the Map hair. The judges are thrilled with them and everyone makes it through.

We get to meet the Spade/Norman guy named Carson again. We are also reminded of the singing waitress, Fiancé Frodo and the other guy with hair like his. They do the F-you song but it’s all over the place. Or maybe I am just extremely tired of this song? They all make it except Devyn the singing waitress. Devyn wails “I really hate you right now” and wants to go before Idol Court and plead her case. That is soooo not gonna happen. “Aint’ that some shhhh.”

So did they get like three songs to choose from, we wonder? Goodness, am tired of these same ditties already. I suppose “the change in their pocket wasn’t enough” to purchase rights to anything else.

Meanwhile, Steven is trying to make everyone laugh with puns and pop culture references, but the rejected and dejected singers aren’t buying it. Maybe because they are too young to get his jokes.

We finally see John Wayne again and see/hear a snippet of awkward dancing and singing. JW is the only white dude in his group so ST makes the joke about the Apollo Theater. This reference probably goes right over his gorgeous head. I have to explain to Tru about the Apollo show that used to be hosted by Steve Harvey, but she only knows him as the new Family Feud host. (We are almost as addicted to that show as we are to AI.)

They go back to Jacee, the baby-faced teenage sweetheart who was so rudely ousted from his group by Gay Glasses. His new group sings “Mercy” and everyone sounds wonderful. Carrot Brett is in rare flaming form to everyone’s delight. I like the girl named Stevie who looks like a young Avril and Denise who prayed earlier. Poor Jacee fumbles on the words but is adorable about it. Before Randy finally tells them that they all made it, we cry some more as the girls hug Jacee. Then Ryan chats with him too and it’s so endearing, and I need Excedrin Migraine now.

So now on stage, Gay Glasses has to explain to the judges why he is a total jackass. Poor Scotty apologizes to Jacee, his parents, the audience, and the entirety of America that he didn’t stick up for him. Then the singing starts and we are irritated now, because they are so darn good! It’s displaced anger because the girls weren’t really in on it, especially the one that looks like non-cartoon Velma. As revenge, the judges pull a fast one on GG but they all make it through. “Get Ready” for more drama to come. Poor Scotty cries and cries because he just can’t get over how badly Jacee was treated and that he was part of that gang.

It is good that there are a thousand commercials now because we need a break. Tru is glad that Scotty was humble and sang well and she can remain a fan and feel good about it. She would face the wrath of all her friends if she was not a Scotty fan. (He is hometown so it’s like a law or something.)

Night is falling on Hollywood Group week, and we are reminded of the sixty-something who have been cut from the competition. Then because we have the attention span of gnats, we are recapped that the Lovebirds are minus one guy in a shiny shirt. We see vocal coach Debbie fussing at the remaining three, mostly at Phoebe’s brother.

On stage they do that dratted Cee-Lo song again. Red Head is okay but waves her arms a lot. The Heidi Clone is horrible, growling and breathy. Pitiful Rob doesn’t even try to remember the words, he just makes up stuff. This is not the way to win the hearts of the judges. It is no surprise that Rob is ousted but both girls make it through somehow. Not sure what is more irritating, Heidi’s gloating or the exes “final goodbye.” He’s a better singer than the other two put together.

Quotes from hell week part 2:

Scotty from Garner: What kinda dance we talking about, I aint’ no daggone Michael Jackson!

Doo Rag Guy: Maybe Idol isn’t the competition for stage moms?

Heidi Clone: Can we do it like a million times more, then we’ll move on?

Tomorrow night there will be more solo singing, thank goodness. The final 100 but only half will survive. “Whose star will burn out?” asks Voiceover Ryan. We already know whose star we want to punch out. With a taser no less.