Last night we saw Jennifer’s meltdown over Chris Medina being ousted, then a placard with the ominous To Be Continued. Not even a dot dot dot. Just plain white ink over black background, like a very boring PowerPoint slide.
Because our memory spans are very short, we now have to see a recap of everything that has happened in season 10 thus far, ending with the question “Will Jennifer find the strength to go on?”
My Kid Tru thinks that Jen’s tears are real and that she is a genuinely sweet person. I am more jaded but can’t really disagree. I like her a lot, but I’ve seen her movies and she’s not THAT good of an actress. Just keeping it real, dawg.
Tonight is Part 2 of the infamous “Green Mile” part of the competition. Why do they call it that you wonder? Something to do with Stephen King and death row I think. Not sure, will add to list of things to google later.
The first contestant to make the very long walk is Karen Rodriguez, the J.Lo fan who auditioned via MySpace. Or is it my___ now? No one really cares; these days we call it facebook. Anyway. We see flashbacks to Karen singing a totally different version of Jen’s first single, the one with the creepy music video about internet stalking. For her “sing for your life” (SFYL) performance, she does a Selena song, and lest we forget, Jen played this role in the movie. Tru says that Karen reminds her of a Cheetah Girl, to which I say who? The poised and polished singer makes it through to Top 24.
Next up is cute teenage boy-bandish Robbie Rosen. We are reminded of his sad back-story of being in a wheelchair as a child. Robbie is very appealing and if they ever do a spin-off featuring the Barone family, he would fit right in. He sings the Elton John song about being sorry and sad, but he shouldn’t be because the judges love him and think he is great. Randy adds “unassuming” which means he is not a big giant attention seeker. We’ll be seeing him in the next round.
We don’t have high hopes for the next gal, Ta-Tynisha Wilson, due to her complete butchery of “I Hope You Dance” during Hollywood week. She even pulled a Brooke White start-over, not something that wins points. Her SFYL is rough also, and a disservice to Toni Braxton. What little we have seen of her so far has not been very good and there are several other girls who were better - Denise, Hollie, Melinda, Lakeisha, Molly. Could probably name ten others that are more qualified than this chick who inexplicably is now in the coveted 24. Gah.
We never saw very much of Brittany or Jimmie who are quickly shown the Exit. At least a very pretty song plays in the background, with the fitting lyrics of "tell the world I'm coming home."
We never saw very much of Brittany or Jimmie who are quickly shown the Exit. At least a very pretty song plays in the background, with the fitting lyrics of "tell the world I'm coming home."
As Tim Halperin takes his walk down the alien plank, I mention to Tru that he reminds me of that guy on The Office. Not the one who was the voice for Gru but the other one, you know the one? She doesn’t. It won't matter because we are reminded how cute and talented Tim is, especially on the Beatles duet with Julie. For his SFYL performance, he does an original song on the piano. ST makes fun of his whistle, because are you like, coaching basketball on the side? Then they try to psych him out, but he is making it through to the next round.
Tim’s duet partner, Julie Zorrilla is next. She is a very lovely young lady, and we are reminded of her back-story of coming to America from a war torn country. Not sure what her SFYL song is, but it’s not the best that she’s done on the show. The judges like Julie but they tell her that she needs to work on making a connection with the audience. Cutting flirty eyes at the camera worked nicely for The Bangles back in the 80s but we want Julie to get votes. She will get that chance in the Top 24 as the song that Gaga ripped from Madge plays in the background. And hopefully Julez won’t try to literally pick up Ryan again. Poor Seacrest; the things he endures for this show.
In the Lava Lamp Coke Room, Ryan sits on the couch with the country boys, Scotty and John Wayne. He is trying to give Emcee/Announcer lessons and it is HIGH-larious! Ryan’s take on “baby lock them doors” is the funniest thing I’ve seen on the show in years.
We’ve had high hopes since day one for Scotty McCreery, the teenager from Garner, the next town over from us. I wasn’t watching AI during the Clay Aiken heyday but I do remember the buzz about him back then. Tru adores Scotty; he seems like a sweet boy, very mature for his age. I just think he’d do better on Nashville Star or another country show. He recalls the Hollywood Jacee Debacle 2011, as well as his mangled “zoo zone talk” which still makes me laugh out loud. Redemption comes with Scotty’s acoustic version of another Josh Turner song called “Long Black Train.” Scotty is on to the next round.
What does this mean for the other male country artist in the competition, cowboy John Wayne? His voice is good but generic but he’s so nice and so PRETTY! Oh well. The judges tell him he’s not ready, even though a quick google search will tell you that the boy’s been making records since he was 14. This season we will never find out if he ever takes off his hat. Maybe we’ll see him next year. On The Bachelor.
For the 1,274th time we are reminded about when Jovany Barreto took off his shirt. I am over this “Situation” wannabe and just wish he’d go on to Jersey Shore or somewhere. There’s like, a thousand reality shows for boys with ripped abs, go find one. Tru thinks he sounds great during his SFYL round and for the first time, he actually does sound okay. Between that and his “I love Marc Anthony” card, he makes it to the next round. If they're going to base a selection mainly on superficiality, the cute cowboy would have been better.
We finally learn more about Lauren Turner, a.k.a. the Other Lauren. She works as a maid, which is a noble profession. She has one of the best voices in the competition so far, plus she had to put up with Jordan the Tool back during group rounds. I am glad she makes it to Top 24 but am surprised to be honest. Her beau is also, you can tell from his fake passing out. I tell Tru that I sense Other Lauren is cannon fodder, then I have to pause the show to explain to her what that means. I swear, she’s like Temperance Brennan sometimes.
A couple of other contestants are sent home, Tiwan and Erin. We barely met either of them during the season so they were obvious choices to go.
A couple of other contestants are sent home, Tiwan and Erin. We barely met either of them during the season so they were obvious choices to go.
It seems that Ryan and Rachel Zevita go way way back. She’s been on the show before, blah blah blah. I am not impressed with Opera Girl’s singing, but this is another girl that Tru loves. She likes her merry widow attire, her personality, and her voice. I am more impressed by Rachel’s grandmother who shamelessly and hilariously flirts with Seacrest while waiting. We don’t think we’ve ever loved Ryan more than during this episode! At any rate, despite screeching a Gaga song during SFYL, causing my puppy to flee the living room, Rachel makes it through. I am puzzled and Tru is thrilled.
Next up is Kendra Chantelle, the lovely blonde from Nashville who sang so wonderfully with Paul on the Beatles “Blackbird.” Per google, Kendra already has several original songs out and I like her style of music. She sings an Alicia Keys’ song for her SFYL and it’s hard to do her songs well. Kendra nails it though, giving it a “white chick” spin. As she talks to the judges for a thousand years, Tru and I make a list of the singers that should never be attempted on any talent show. Top of this list is Sarah McLachlan and Amy Lee of Evanescence. Finally, we find out that Kendra has made it to Top 24.
There is nothing that Jordan Dorsey can do to make us forget that he is a total divo pain in the wazoo. It’s a shame that the music teacher started out like such a nice guy but blossomed into all sorts of jackassery. His SFYL performance is called “So High” which is what you’d have to be to enjoy this racket. Where is Aaron, the Beatles night group member with the one glove? He sang ten times better than Jordan. We will never know because Boy Beyotch is moving on to the next round. Yikes.
Uncle Nigel has made no secret that his very favorite contestant is Lauren Alaina; it’s all over his twitter. Tru loves the girl and I think she is a great singer with a cute personality; I am just hoping she stops with all the ST fawning. I am reminded by My Kid that other contestants are having obvious hero worship moments too, and I agree. It’s just that Lauren is fiiiiifteeeen. She’s real cute tonight in her Barbie cowgirl dress and boots combo; she looks like a miniature Dolly Parton. She does “Unchained Melody” again for SFYL, and it’s understated and nice. Thankfully she doesn’t go all Ann Wilson or LeAnn Rimes with it. She’s a bundle of joy and she’s making it through, no surprise.
Up until now, we’ve remembered Stefano Langone more for his back-story than for his singing. The car wreck survivor performs an original song called “Come Home” during his SFYL round. He sings really well and the lyrics are poignant. I like that they are letting the contestants do original compositions this year. Tru says that there is no way for the judges to know if you blow the lyrics, which is so true! If they ever do a reboot of the Friends franchise, they should look up Stefano. But not this year because he is on to the Top 24. “How YOU doin’?”
The next contestant to take the long walk is Jackie, who has a bluesy, awesome voice. She is wearing bright red tonight, a power color, baby. Unfortunately, she messed up a Kelly Clarkson song pretty badly during her SFYL performance. This is sacred territory. I mean if you MUST do a song made famous by a former Idol winner, then it better be just as good as the original artist. Ten times out of ten, it’s not though, so I don’t know why people bother. The judges talk about “consistency” being important which is a bald-faced lie. Jackie is not going through to the next round and she is not a happy camper! At least she has her Hugh Hefner lookalike boyfriend to comfort her.
And now we have likable Jacob Lusk, he of the over-the-top voice and more runs than the Boston marathon. Tru says that he would be so great in a Tyler Perry movie and I agree. I could also see him on GMC’s Gospel Dream or BET’s Sunday Best. Just not American Idol. Pretty please? Jacob does the song that Elliott Yamin did back in the very good old days, and it’s just not working for me. The judges love him, especially Randy. There is so much caterwauling that Ryan is concerned now. Did someone just step on a cat? It’s just Jacob, who is glad that he made it through. Poor Ryan is spun around like a rag doll. These crazy contestants!
The day is drawing to an end and there are only a few folks left in the waiting room. They are tired, worried, and kinda cranky. They probably need a snack. As Pia Toscano takes the long walk, we notice that there seems to be a dress code for the girls in this episode; they must have all received a memo to wear miniskirts and stilettos. Pia is as pretty as a movie star, very sophisticated. We are reminded that she carried her group in Hollywood and that she is besties with Karen, her duet partner for Beatles round. After a great SFYL performance, Pia is told that she’s made it, so she will be competing with her friend in the Top 24.
I have been way over screecher James Durbin, he of the doo rag, back pocket hankie, and long list of ailments. His SFYL is just as scream-o as everything else he’s done so far. In spite of the song title, “Change is Gonna Come.” We hope but … no. The judges’ facial expressions are funny – Jen does not seem to like it but Steven is over the moon for the guy. Takes all kinds to make a contest I guess. It’s sweet that ST tells James he did his song better than he did. Tru was excited to see more of James in the competition and she gets her wish.
Finally – our man, Casey Abrams! I ask Tru, “is it okay for me to be totally in love with this guy?” She laughs and says, “No, because I am going to marry him one day!” Casey is funny and adorable, like a big teddy bear that can sing. Right before his SFYL performance, he says that he is going to prove that he can be sexy. He doesn’t have to prove anything. With his stand up bass, Casey does a song from the Roger Rabbit movie and like everything he’s done so far, it’s great. We triple heart fantastically love this boy and the judges do also. When Casey finds out he has made it, he accidentally knocks over The Chair 2.0. Oops!
In the waiting room, there are only two girls left – teenager Thia and some young lady named Jessica that we have never heard from before. This is a no brainer, duh. We’ve seen a lot of Thia this season, notably on last night’s Vocal Coach From Hell segment of Beatles round. Thia sings “You Raise Me Up” for her SFYL and it’s technically well done, but she is like a pageant-bot. A cute, adorable bot but still. Here is what we learn about Jessica – about two seconds of singing is all we can stand, she is a “rocker,” and that she has been on AI seven (count ‘em) SEVEN times. As she and Thia sit in front of the Judgery, she radiates disdain. She tells them that A) it’s her birthday and B) she looks like Posh Spice Beckham. No matter, she’s out and Thia Megia and all of her Cosby sweaters are in. Jessica flips everyone the bird on her way out. Classy chick. Hopefully Mark Burnett will relaunch Rock Star, or there’s always America’s Got Talent. Sharon would love this girl.
Last but not least… three boys wait in the holding room. Teenagers Brett and Jacee, and the cute guy named Colton who has the asymmetrical hairdo. Ryan says that there is one spot left, Brett says two, then Ryan and Brett argue about that for a year. Finally, the three boys make the long walk together, holding hands. All of them are good singers but you couldn’t find three more different young men if you tried. For their SFYL performances, Jacee does a song about being “Gone Too Soon” (foreshadowing much?) Brett performs an original song about not being scared of bullies anymore (or something). Colton sings a song from the Twilight soundtrack and he is the best of these three, in our opinion. Jacee and Colton are told to please audition for Idol again next year because Brett Loewenstern is going through this year. Or perhaps they could try Simon’s X Factor, because they take 12-year-olds there. Not being snarky; it’s true!
The "Green Mile" is finally over and the 24 have been chosen. Ryan bids an anti-climatical good-bye to the camera. Then we see the 12 crazy dancing boys and 12 crazy dancing girls, which is always fun to watch.
Quotes from the longest Green Mile ep ever:
Ryan: That's one of those moments that will be on the DVD.
Jennifer: You make a Bronx girl love country music!
Rachel’s grandma: Have you lost weight? You look like a teenager. Ryan: You got plans later?
Steven: Holy crumb cakes!
Next week, the Live Shows begin and it’s time to get our voting on! Boys sing Tuesday, girls Wednesday, and results Thursday. I am not impressed with some of these Top 24 choices, but that is always the way it goes. It would be a less interesting show if they could please everyone, right?
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