Rules to Live By! (So says Aunt Pearl...)
1. If you are not Whitney, Mariah, or Celine do NOT perform a song made famous by Whitney, Mariah, or Celine. (Or Amy Lee. Or Shania.)
2. Do not imitate cardboard and be all stiff and unwieldy like Carrie was in the old days of AI4.
3. Do not smile while singing “sad song” lyrics. Doing this could lead to being mistaken for a psychopath.
4. Do not add an unnecessary WHOO to the middle of your song. It makes you look full of yourself.
5. Please, for the love of Bo Bice and Chris Daughtry, do not twirl the microphone stand.
6. Do not make goo-goo eyes at the camera, a’la Constantine Maroulis. Because now there is slime on my TV screen.
7. Do not hold up a finger to indicate number one (or two, or three, etc.) We already know how to count.
8. Do not hold on the microphone for dear life. Death grips are not attractive. Then your hands goes numb and you can’t wave at the camera when Ryan gives out your 866 voting phone number.
9. Do not play the “I dedicate this song to my grandma” card. Or kid sister. Or doggie that got hit by a car last week. You get the picture.
10. Do not talk back to Simon (no matter WHAT he says.) He says that he likes it when contestants are ballsy but history shows that it can cost you votes.
11. Unless you are performing outdoors in winter, do not wear your coat or any other outerwear while singing. Oh, and sunglasses are out as well.
12. Do not sit sullenly on the sidelines while a co-contestant is performing. Is that how you want them to be when it’s your turn? Remember the Golden Rule (and the cameras are always watching.)
13. If you are a mere child, do not sing songs about being married with kids, reminiscing about your long life. This makes us older folks roll our eyes in annoyance. (And our votes count too you know.)
14. Don’t read the cue cards along with Ryan. It looks like a scene from a Bloopers reel.
15. During Ryan-banter, be aware of the Katharine McPhee “nervous lip lick.” Remember, 33 zillion people are watching... but no pressure.
We'll add to this list as the season progresses...
1. If you are not Whitney, Mariah, or Celine do NOT perform a song made famous by Whitney, Mariah, or Celine. (Or Amy Lee. Or Shania.)
2. Do not imitate cardboard and be all stiff and unwieldy like Carrie was in the old days of AI4.
3. Do not smile while singing “sad song” lyrics. Doing this could lead to being mistaken for a psychopath.
4. Do not add an unnecessary WHOO to the middle of your song. It makes you look full of yourself.
5. Please, for the love of Bo Bice and Chris Daughtry, do not twirl the microphone stand.
6. Do not make goo-goo eyes at the camera, a’la Constantine Maroulis. Because now there is slime on my TV screen.
7. Do not hold up a finger to indicate number one (or two, or three, etc.) We already know how to count.
8. Do not hold on the microphone for dear life. Death grips are not attractive. Then your hands goes numb and you can’t wave at the camera when Ryan gives out your 866 voting phone number.
9. Do not play the “I dedicate this song to my grandma” card. Or kid sister. Or doggie that got hit by a car last week. You get the picture.
10. Do not talk back to Simon (no matter WHAT he says.) He says that he likes it when contestants are ballsy but history shows that it can cost you votes.
11. Unless you are performing outdoors in winter, do not wear your coat or any other outerwear while singing. Oh, and sunglasses are out as well.
12. Do not sit sullenly on the sidelines while a co-contestant is performing. Is that how you want them to be when it’s your turn? Remember the Golden Rule (and the cameras are always watching.)
13. If you are a mere child, do not sing songs about being married with kids, reminiscing about your long life. This makes us older folks roll our eyes in annoyance. (And our votes count too you know.)
14. Don’t read the cue cards along with Ryan. It looks like a scene from a Bloopers reel.
15. During Ryan-banter, be aware of the Katharine McPhee “nervous lip lick.” Remember, 33 zillion people are watching... but no pressure.
We'll add to this list as the season progresses...
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