February 6, 2008
Welcome to the annual “Best of the Rest” episode, where we will see tidbits and outtakes from each audition city.
Voiceover Ryan reminds us that this ep is just filler-fodder because NEXT week is when the real action begins – in the Hollywood rounds.
We see quick flashes of previews with lots of people crying, including tattooed Carly and the Mary Sunshine car accident lady.
Ryan reminds us that people who stand in line for days and days just waiting for a chance to audition must be somewhat nuts. Which explains the first guy up who has a weird floppy hat, tee shirt as big as a tent, and some kind of Tourette syndrome. So far, so creepy.
More montage of badness with a guy that Randy compares to a sheep. That Mr. Jackson is funny as heck this year!
Now we are introduced to a pretty young lady named Amy, who is wearing a hoochie-mama outfit that Paula likes, of course. She is a tiny bit Japanese, just enough to play the “I am not generic” card. She sings Linda Ronstadt’s “Blue Bayou” and it’s okay, nothing extraordinary. The male judges and My Hubby think she is completely great, but if you rewind the audition and close your eyes and listen it’s just not that special. Amy makes it through on sex appeal and here we have this year’s token Becky O'Donohue.
Next, just to prove that Sam Lutfi isn’t the devil after all, (the Idol producers are), we have “making fun of church lady” time. A sweet gal talks about her voice being a “gift from God” and how it is “more maturing,” she needs to “get that tone.” Which she does not have at all, bless her heart. I give her kudos for not dressing like a slut though, as she is in her Sunday best. Unfortunately, she makes all choir members everywhere look bad with her appalling audition. And they send her on her way to “entertain” the other contestants in the waiting room.
Now we have a montage of folks who tried out as duos: boyfriend/girlfriend, brother/sister and whatnot. This segues to a segment featuring twin guys who “share” everything, including the cheap bottled blonde they are hanging out with. To the background of Three’s Company we are all nauseated to learn their back-story of southern inbreeding. I am SO ashamed that these three are from my home state. UGH. The boys audition first and do a homemade rap; the only good thing about it is they make fun of the Devil-Beard Twins from last year. Then Blondie comes in, with a furry animal she calls a Pomeranian puppy. Simon loves the puppy but the gal can not sing, not even a Pickler song. The twin boys make fun of their ho’friend while she is singing. Oh, and just a clue – twins who dress alike after age 3 can be found under the LAME section of the encyclopedia. This entire segment is like a bad comedy skit on CMT.
Hopefully, the next young lady named Cardin will actually be talented. She seems elegant and poised and is very pretty. She reminds me of Taylor (fifteen years ago) on the soap opera Bold & the Beautiful. She sings “One Night Only” and she is fabulous! For some reason Simon calls her a “theatrical singer” and votes against her. Paula and Randy somewhat reluctantly put her through and I do not understand why they aren’t blown away. (She was probably not showing enough boobs.)
Voiceover Ryan reminds us that we have met pageant queens, crazy wrestlers and guys who play with their gum (ewww.)
Now we have a chic and lovely plus-size model named JoAnne. According to my source (the Kid who lives in my house), this gal won a contest hosted by that lady on The Parkers. Or something to that effect. No matter, JoAnne talks about singing the national anthem at Madison Square Garden and Randy is impressed. She sings a Celine Dion song and she sounds really nice, although it’s not good to sing Celine if you are not Celine or maybe Kat McPhee, heh. Paula says she is “stunning” and loves her voice; Randy criticizes her upper register but says yes anyway. Simon once again (just because he has to be an arrogant twit sometimes) says no. She makes it anyway and Ryan does a dorky dance with her outside the audition room.
Just a vent: I want that Jumper icon guy to get OFF my TV screen. How annoying.
Next we have a dumb blonde named Alesha who looks like a Hef mansion escapee. She also attempts Celine and it’s not the worst we’ve ever heard but somewhat glass-shattering. Simon calls her “dreadful” and mocks that she is taking voice lessons. To prove their worthiness of being judges, Randy and Paula go on and on for a thousand years about how this chick sounds like she could do a Dolly Parton song. Alesha is like, uhhh who? But off she goes to learn one of Dolly’s songs. Since her mom looks like she could be Ms. Parton’s older sister, it shouldn’t be too hard.
We are on a mission of how much time can be wasted as Dumb Blonde and her Mommy go try to learn “Islands in the Stream.” Just as I am about to give up on this show forever, erase anything American Idol from my DVR series manager and even delete my blog, they are finally ready. They bring her back in and then an unexpected thing happens. Alesha sings “Islands” and she does kinda sound like Dolly Parton... if Dolly were sucking on a helium balloon. Unbelievably Paula and Randy put her through to Hollywood. After the chick leaves the room, Simon admits that Paula and Randy were RIGHT. My Kid mumbles something about the fourth horse of the apocalypse and I have to agree that this must be one of the signs of the end of time. GEEZ.
Because we have been bad and need a spanking, we are next subjected to a parade of very bad singers. Have to say that the comic entertainment value of the show tonight is set to high. But this may only be because there is nada on TV to watch (stupid writer’s strike, hmph.)
After clips of a cabaret singer with hot flashes and a potty-mouthed long-haired guy with a bad attitude, we are hoping for something good.
Alas, the handwriting is already on the wall with the next guy who is a cross between P. Diddy (or whatever the heck he calls himself now) and Steve Urkel. He talks and walks and looks like a mess, however his singing is not bad at all. If he had left out the gimmicky outfit and glitter he may have had a chance. Although My Kid disagrees, he does not sound as bad as anything else on today’s radio. Paula admires his “accoutrements” or whatever that word was she said, then they take a trillion years to sweep up the glitter. WHY do I love this show to the point of distraction?? Oh yeah, because Simon and Ryan are the funniest comedic duo ever.
Just a side note: the upcoming show New Amsterdam looks promising; it’s the right combo of sci-fi and hot guy that I like.
Next we have a tribute to All Moods Simon, mostly callous. Then the focus changes to all three judges butchering contestants’ names. We are reminded of one of the most amusing ones, “It’s DEE ANNA,” dang it!
This odd name portion of the show leads us to a repeat auditioner named Chikezie (pronounced Cha-kee-zie). He sings a nice version of a Luther Vandross song that’s pleasant and not too exaggerated. Simon gets annoyed though when the guy won’t STHU when he asks him to stop. The guy’s ‘tude could use some fine-tuning but Randy and Paula put him through to Hollywood.
Another repeater from last year is up next, and oh and it’s Dil from The Crying Game. This cute little boy/girl’s name is Danny, who has a very pretty face but is a bit condescending to the judges. Danny is over-the-top for a normal person but doesn’t really fall into that category does he/she/it? Fortunately he can sing his teeny tiny behind off and does a great version of “Proud Mary.” We better be GLAAD too, lest we incur that wrath. They put Danny through to Hollywood but the question remains: if he makes it to the Top 24, will Danny go into the boy or girl category?? Jusk asking.
To the background of a Goo Goo Dolls-sounding song, (Google reveals that it’s actually “Best Days” by the Graham Colton band) we are reminded of season 7 thus far. Hair waxing, gross making out, pouty tears, silly string, jumping for joy, adorable kids, southern accents and lots of OH MY GODs. And lest we forget, I AM YOUR BROTHER.
“Here come the rest of our lives”… indeed.
Ryan shows us the Hollywood stage and promises that next week will be intense with a capital I. Not only do we see clips of next week’s show, we are reminded of seasons’ past, notably the classic “I DON’T DO GROUPS.” Best of all, the contestants get to play instruments this year, which is really awesome.
Now I have to go poke my eyeballs out because I accidentally caught 15 seconds of that horrid Moment of Truth show.
My favorite singers of all the audition cities so far are both rockers: Robbie, the ex-boy band turned rock-n-roller and Amanda, the rocker/biker/nurse. We will find out next week if either made it to the Top 24. (There are spoiler pages out there on the web about the Top 24, but I don’t trust them.)
Best of Best of the Rest:
Gal Singer: Cardin
Sort-of-a-Guy Singer: Danny
Best of Tonight’s Quotes:
Simon (to a bad contestant): “Everything was just… mad.”
Simon (to contestant Ashley): “I am going to steal your dog.”
Ashley: “As long as you put me through to Hollywood, you can have whatever you want.”
Randy: “Don’t say that quite just yet.”
Ashley (about being rejected): “Is today opposite day?”
Voiceover Ryan: “… so it takes more than attitude and flirting to get to Hollywood…”
Simon (to bad contestant Brandi): “It ended for me when the weird strip tease started.”
Brandi: “I knew it!”
Ryan (to the gal sweeping the floor): “I would feel uncomfortable without letting you do your job…”
Simon: “That was patronizing to a woman, Ryan.”
Paula (chirpy): “Do YOU think we have found the next American Idol?”
Simon (droll): “I just want to keep doing it, I love it.”
As do 33.5 million other people, Simon. And we can’t get enough…
Next week, we’re off to Hollywood, or as I affectionately dub it – Ho’wood. TTFN.
Welcome to the annual “Best of the Rest” episode, where we will see tidbits and outtakes from each audition city.
Voiceover Ryan reminds us that this ep is just filler-fodder because NEXT week is when the real action begins – in the Hollywood rounds.
We see quick flashes of previews with lots of people crying, including tattooed Carly and the Mary Sunshine car accident lady.
Ryan reminds us that people who stand in line for days and days just waiting for a chance to audition must be somewhat nuts. Which explains the first guy up who has a weird floppy hat, tee shirt as big as a tent, and some kind of Tourette syndrome. So far, so creepy.
More montage of badness with a guy that Randy compares to a sheep. That Mr. Jackson is funny as heck this year!
Now we are introduced to a pretty young lady named Amy, who is wearing a hoochie-mama outfit that Paula likes, of course. She is a tiny bit Japanese, just enough to play the “I am not generic” card. She sings Linda Ronstadt’s “Blue Bayou” and it’s okay, nothing extraordinary. The male judges and My Hubby think she is completely great, but if you rewind the audition and close your eyes and listen it’s just not that special. Amy makes it through on sex appeal and here we have this year’s token Becky O'Donohue.
Next, just to prove that Sam Lutfi isn’t the devil after all, (the Idol producers are), we have “making fun of church lady” time. A sweet gal talks about her voice being a “gift from God” and how it is “more maturing,” she needs to “get that tone.” Which she does not have at all, bless her heart. I give her kudos for not dressing like a slut though, as she is in her Sunday best. Unfortunately, she makes all choir members everywhere look bad with her appalling audition. And they send her on her way to “entertain” the other contestants in the waiting room.
Now we have a montage of folks who tried out as duos: boyfriend/girlfriend, brother/sister and whatnot. This segues to a segment featuring twin guys who “share” everything, including the cheap bottled blonde they are hanging out with. To the background of Three’s Company we are all nauseated to learn their back-story of southern inbreeding. I am SO ashamed that these three are from my home state. UGH. The boys audition first and do a homemade rap; the only good thing about it is they make fun of the Devil-Beard Twins from last year. Then Blondie comes in, with a furry animal she calls a Pomeranian puppy. Simon loves the puppy but the gal can not sing, not even a Pickler song. The twin boys make fun of their ho’friend while she is singing. Oh, and just a clue – twins who dress alike after age 3 can be found under the LAME section of the encyclopedia. This entire segment is like a bad comedy skit on CMT.
Hopefully, the next young lady named Cardin will actually be talented. She seems elegant and poised and is very pretty. She reminds me of Taylor (fifteen years ago) on the soap opera Bold & the Beautiful. She sings “One Night Only” and she is fabulous! For some reason Simon calls her a “theatrical singer” and votes against her. Paula and Randy somewhat reluctantly put her through and I do not understand why they aren’t blown away. (She was probably not showing enough boobs.)
Voiceover Ryan reminds us that we have met pageant queens, crazy wrestlers and guys who play with their gum (ewww.)
Now we have a chic and lovely plus-size model named JoAnne. According to my source (the Kid who lives in my house), this gal won a contest hosted by that lady on The Parkers. Or something to that effect. No matter, JoAnne talks about singing the national anthem at Madison Square Garden and Randy is impressed. She sings a Celine Dion song and she sounds really nice, although it’s not good to sing Celine if you are not Celine or maybe Kat McPhee, heh. Paula says she is “stunning” and loves her voice; Randy criticizes her upper register but says yes anyway. Simon once again (just because he has to be an arrogant twit sometimes) says no. She makes it anyway and Ryan does a dorky dance with her outside the audition room.
Just a vent: I want that Jumper icon guy to get OFF my TV screen. How annoying.
Next we have a dumb blonde named Alesha who looks like a Hef mansion escapee. She also attempts Celine and it’s not the worst we’ve ever heard but somewhat glass-shattering. Simon calls her “dreadful” and mocks that she is taking voice lessons. To prove their worthiness of being judges, Randy and Paula go on and on for a thousand years about how this chick sounds like she could do a Dolly Parton song. Alesha is like, uhhh who? But off she goes to learn one of Dolly’s songs. Since her mom looks like she could be Ms. Parton’s older sister, it shouldn’t be too hard.
We are on a mission of how much time can be wasted as Dumb Blonde and her Mommy go try to learn “Islands in the Stream.” Just as I am about to give up on this show forever, erase anything American Idol from my DVR series manager and even delete my blog, they are finally ready. They bring her back in and then an unexpected thing happens. Alesha sings “Islands” and she does kinda sound like Dolly Parton... if Dolly were sucking on a helium balloon. Unbelievably Paula and Randy put her through to Hollywood. After the chick leaves the room, Simon admits that Paula and Randy were RIGHT. My Kid mumbles something about the fourth horse of the apocalypse and I have to agree that this must be one of the signs of the end of time. GEEZ.
Because we have been bad and need a spanking, we are next subjected to a parade of very bad singers. Have to say that the comic entertainment value of the show tonight is set to high. But this may only be because there is nada on TV to watch (stupid writer’s strike, hmph.)
After clips of a cabaret singer with hot flashes and a potty-mouthed long-haired guy with a bad attitude, we are hoping for something good.
Alas, the handwriting is already on the wall with the next guy who is a cross between P. Diddy (or whatever the heck he calls himself now) and Steve Urkel. He talks and walks and looks like a mess, however his singing is not bad at all. If he had left out the gimmicky outfit and glitter he may have had a chance. Although My Kid disagrees, he does not sound as bad as anything else on today’s radio. Paula admires his “accoutrements” or whatever that word was she said, then they take a trillion years to sweep up the glitter. WHY do I love this show to the point of distraction?? Oh yeah, because Simon and Ryan are the funniest comedic duo ever.
Just a side note: the upcoming show New Amsterdam looks promising; it’s the right combo of sci-fi and hot guy that I like.
Next we have a tribute to All Moods Simon, mostly callous. Then the focus changes to all three judges butchering contestants’ names. We are reminded of one of the most amusing ones, “It’s DEE ANNA,” dang it!
This odd name portion of the show leads us to a repeat auditioner named Chikezie (pronounced Cha-kee-zie). He sings a nice version of a Luther Vandross song that’s pleasant and not too exaggerated. Simon gets annoyed though when the guy won’t STHU when he asks him to stop. The guy’s ‘tude could use some fine-tuning but Randy and Paula put him through to Hollywood.
Another repeater from last year is up next, and oh and it’s Dil from The Crying Game. This cute little boy/girl’s name is Danny, who has a very pretty face but is a bit condescending to the judges. Danny is over-the-top for a normal person but doesn’t really fall into that category does he/she/it? Fortunately he can sing his teeny tiny behind off and does a great version of “Proud Mary.” We better be GLAAD too, lest we incur that wrath. They put Danny through to Hollywood but the question remains: if he makes it to the Top 24, will Danny go into the boy or girl category?? Jusk asking.
To the background of a Goo Goo Dolls-sounding song, (Google reveals that it’s actually “Best Days” by the Graham Colton band) we are reminded of season 7 thus far. Hair waxing, gross making out, pouty tears, silly string, jumping for joy, adorable kids, southern accents and lots of OH MY GODs. And lest we forget, I AM YOUR BROTHER.
“Here come the rest of our lives”… indeed.
Ryan shows us the Hollywood stage and promises that next week will be intense with a capital I. Not only do we see clips of next week’s show, we are reminded of seasons’ past, notably the classic “I DON’T DO GROUPS.” Best of all, the contestants get to play instruments this year, which is really awesome.
Now I have to go poke my eyeballs out because I accidentally caught 15 seconds of that horrid Moment of Truth show.
My favorite singers of all the audition cities so far are both rockers: Robbie, the ex-boy band turned rock-n-roller and Amanda, the rocker/biker/nurse. We will find out next week if either made it to the Top 24. (There are spoiler pages out there on the web about the Top 24, but I don’t trust them.)
Best of Best of the Rest:
Gal Singer: Cardin
Sort-of-a-Guy Singer: Danny
Best of Tonight’s Quotes:
Simon (to a bad contestant): “Everything was just… mad.”
Simon (to contestant Ashley): “I am going to steal your dog.”
Ashley: “As long as you put me through to Hollywood, you can have whatever you want.”
Randy: “Don’t say that quite just yet.”
Ashley (about being rejected): “Is today opposite day?”
Voiceover Ryan: “… so it takes more than attitude and flirting to get to Hollywood…”
Simon (to bad contestant Brandi): “It ended for me when the weird strip tease started.”
Brandi: “I knew it!”
Ryan (to the gal sweeping the floor): “I would feel uncomfortable without letting you do your job…”
Simon: “That was patronizing to a woman, Ryan.”
Paula (chirpy): “Do YOU think we have found the next American Idol?”
Simon (droll): “I just want to keep doing it, I love it.”
As do 33.5 million other people, Simon. And we can’t get enough…
Next week, we’re off to Hollywood, or as I affectionately dub it – Ho’wood. TTFN.
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