Top 20 - Eliminations

February 28, 2008

Well, it’s day four of my low-carb diet and I am hungry and grumpy and in no mood for nonsense. Am thinking of just skipping tonight’s show altogether and just catching the results on rickey. But then again no… my American Idol obsession beseeches me…

Ryan says 31 crazillion people voted and then chats with the judges about some of the changes on the show this year. Question: Why theme weeks so soon? Answer: Because today’s music sucks and ya have to reach back to the past to pull off anything halfway decent.

We also learn about Simon’s “half moose hand signal” which we have noticed for a couple weeks now. He says it is a code but he doesn’t explain; methinks he was being facetious! I thought the “L” was supposed to go in the middle of the forehead. Ah well. It’s funnier when Ryan does it anyway.

Carrying on with the 70s theme week, the Group Sing is a medley of that genre. The contestants are not as obviously costumed this week as last time. The mishmash of tee shirts, blue jeans, horizontal stripes, unsightly vests, tunic tops and funky jewelry could be from any era. What goes around and all that jazz. While the singing is pretty good, it is hard to watch the awkward dance moves that they just learned five minutes ago.

First to go will be a guy; quick rundown of who’s who in the state of top ten guydom. “In it to win it” Chikezie, not-hot-blooded Robbie, no charisma David C, crowd-working Michael, “killer” Luke, no love for Jason Le Pew, Dreads wants to be our everything, Danny longing for your guitar “ISH,” David H’s rolling stone, and David A imagines all the people sharing for the world. (And Paula needed a Kleenex, but too late now.)

Asinine Ryan asks the boys if they are nervous… well, no Ryan. Actually, this is like when you’re at a job interview or taking the SAT or awaiting your blood test results. Not nerve wracking at all. Dumb@ss.

Michael is safe, Chikezie is safe. Ryan psychs out Dreads but he is safe. Danny is safe but Jason Y. is going home. The folks standing up in his “friends & family” section seem peeved, especially the lady who looks like Sarah Silverman.

Jason is disappointed but practical and hopefully has that Branson gig to go back to. After hearing the criticism all over again, he does a much less Gaither Homecoming version of the Doobie Brothers song. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, just not on American Idol.)

Now a rundown of the ladies: Carly was crazy on us, Syesha doodled Mr. Jones, Kristy is no good baby no good, Ramiele had the same hairdo that Paula does tonight, Brooke said Simon was so vain, Kady starred in Crossroads the sequel, Amanda wore a Fright Night wig, Alaina’s a “dark horse,” Alexandrea’s got “mad skills,” and Asia’h ain’t Celine Dion.

Which one will go home tonight? Dim the lights… Kristy is safe and so is Asia’h. Brooke is safe but Amanda and Alexandrea are the final two standing. Thank goodness our rocker girl looks halfway normal tonight. No more Heat Miser hair; she is subdued and pretty.

Teenaged Alexandrea is the one leaving. I really like her and her big peace sign earring. She shows the teen ‘tude a little bit though, pulling back from Ryan like “back off, no touchie.” Regarding her great-grandma she exclaims, “You were supposed to bring her to California! Freak!”

As the too-skinny but super-cute little girl with the two-first-names-put-together-as-one does her sing out, we try to figure out just how her name is supposed to sound anyway. It is a pet peeve of mine – parents who give weird spellings to their kids’ names then get all huffy when it’s mispronounced. If you want people to say it right, spell it right with no stupid cuteness. Just saying.

Alexandrea has finally finished and poor David A. is crying, so she gives him a hug. This is the main reason I don’t like it when very young kids are on the show. I live with a teenager and there’s at least one drama per day going on with her. Add the pressure of being on a TV competition live in front of zillions of people – hello, can you say meltdown?

Another girl’s turn to leave now… Carly, who is rocking some hair extensions, is safe. She reminds me of the “before” picture in the old shampoo commercial where the slogan was “I was flat then I went fluffy.” But I digress…

Ramiele and Syesha are safe. The final two standing are Alaina and Kady so this is a no-brainer. Kady looks resolved that she is the one to go and gets ready for Ryan to tell her to go pack her bags. Her smug look turns quickly to astonishment though, when we learn that Alaina is the one going home not Kady. DARN IT!! Alaina is absolutely devastated.

The next few minutes emphasize what I have been saying for seven years now – they should raise the age limit on this show. Just think, if they increase the age to 18, they won’t have to worry with tutors and child labor laws and chaperones, and complete breakdowns like this one.

Two years is not that long to wait to be on the show and by then you have more experience under your belt. Not saying that older contestants have never fallen apart before because they surely have. It’s just that it’s so much sadder to watch when it happens to a CHILD. So says Aunt Pearl anyways.

Whose heart did not break at Alaina’s cry of “I can’t sing! Sorry, this is embarrassing.” And yes it is embarrassing… the choice that America made is wrong and everyone knows it. Ryan is trying to console her, Paula is doing the standing ovation thing, and the shock of the other contestants is palpable. Even little Danny is bawling.

Poor Alaina had no idea that she was going to depart tonight but they finally do coax her to perform her sing out song. And how prophetic with the opening lines of heartbreak and tears. She does a good job as her mom and another lady (grandma maybe?) look from the F&F section above.

My Kid asks, “Why do they have to sing the lame swan song anyway?” The only explanation I can think of is that it proves that a contestant can exhibit professionalism in the face of extreme emotional distress. Or maybe the producers are just sadistic B-tards?

There is the sense that everyone on stage wants to stick Kady with a stiletto heel right now, but remember that it’s not her fault of how the votes tallied. That blame lies with we who prefer cleavage and moaning to perkiness and good singing.

My gosh and we still have one more guy to go. Everything just seems anti-climatic at this point. To cheer us all up, Ryan gives us some news about when the show goes into Top 12 mode. Ruben will do the bye-bye song, so I suppose it’s bye to Ferras and Graham Colton as well? Fickle much? Also, they finally got rights to some Lennon/McCartney songs. I know right, big whoop.

Because we have not cried enough, they show highlights of last year’s Idol Gives Back charity event. Strange how Brooke, Alexandrea and Danny are skinnier than most of the kids we’re trying to save from starvation.

For this year’s “bigger and better” act of benevolence, we can count on guest appearances by the following stars: Brad Pitt, Miley Cyrus, Reese Witherspoon, Mariah Carey, Snoop Dogg, Daughtry and Carrie Underwood. As long as Elvis doesn’t show up again.

Ryan must be pressed for time as he has all three Davids sit; they are safe. Last two men standing are Luke and Robbie. Again, you’d think this was an easy one, but we’ve learned to expect the unexpected on this show.

Robbie the faux rocker is the last one leaving the show tonight. Simon reminds him that he never really felt like a real rock-n-roll dude, just one in disguise.

All four rejects and two bandanas get called back to the stage for the farewell video montage set to “Best Days.” The good-bye vids are touching as always; they know how to pick exactly the most profound interview sound-bite to throw into the mixture.

Robbie sings the Foreigner song while Carly cries and a very pretty lady looks down from the friends section. We are all left to wonder if the wig rumors about Robbie are true, and who cares really?

Only one out of four of my picks left us this evening so even die hard obsessed fans can’t call the results. And dang it, I just accidentally caught five seconds of Don’t Forget the Lyrics, so need to go scrub my eyeballs and detox my ears now.

‘Til next week… ISH.