Question: Why is tonight’s episode starting out like a scene from the Blair Witch Project? Possible answer: They are running out of ideas?
We are in New Orleans and there are some Cajun accents out there mon cher. Randy feels right at home, since this is his birthplace. Everyone gets settled in to let the good times roll, and right off the bat it looks like we score a winner. Jordan is a music teacher and he is humble, talented, and My Kid (Tru) declares him to be just as hot as the Old Spice commercial guy. Such truth. Even better, he does a jazzy, original take on the “Rainbow” song; the judges love him and he deservedly makes it through.
Somehow the channel changed to hubby’s favorite show, Swamp People. Wait no it’s still Idol. But with gators. This is freaking me out a bit. Also weird – so far, just like last night, none of the judges are snide or disrespectful to the contestants, even when they are extra bad. This is making me feel like I need to do a kinder, gentler blog this year. Not.
A cute Lisa Loeb-ish gal named Sarah has big lips, inspiring teasing to and by Liv Tyler’s dad. She does a wonderful version of “To Make You Feel My Love” and it’s well received. This is a young lady that probably already has CDs for sale. Tru says she will google it and let me know. For now, Sarah’s going to Hollywood.
The next guy is Cuban and while he really likes J.Lo, he is mad for her hubby Marc Anthony. Jovany sings something in Spanish and it’s probably good if you like those Telenovelas that Joel McHale sometimes makes fun of on The Soup. They let Jovany go through to H’wood based on his Mr. Lopez adoration. And then something really bizarre happens - he starts to take off his shirt. Then Steven and Randy go to the stage and lift their shirts. It’s like some kind of shirt lifting carnival. Will they juggle next? “Clippos Magnificos” indeed.
We meet Randy Jackson’s less charming brother, and then a cute chick brings in high school photos of our longest running judge. They have an excited walk down memory lane and Randy can’t get over how handsome he was, with his bad athletic self. Randy’s coach is the girl’s uncle and it’s a good thing she can sing well or this could have gotten awkward. Jacquelyn does an earnest rendition of “I’ll Stand by You” making Chrissie Hynde proud, wherever she might be.
Next we discover that Carrot Top and Pee-wee Herman had a baby together. His name is Brett and his actual parents are quiet gorgeous. Strange genetics, this family. Although they spend too much time chit chatting about elevators and hair products and whatnot, when they finally let the boy sing we are all blown away. His voice is great on the Queen song that Pickler massacred back in the season of Chris that Taylor won. Hello Hollywood, meet Brett; we are GLAAD you made it through.
Voiceover Ryan shows us more N’awlins sites, then we find out that Jim Morrison is still alive and well and living inside this next contestant. The judges disagree, they think he looks like Steven. No, Mick Jagger. It doesn’t really matter because his Gaga song is rah rah ah ah ah BAD ooh la la. My puppy is scared again. Next!
A few more flashy costumes, screamers, Mardi Gras masks, and off key singers ensue, including a one-gloved Eminem wannabe. Thankfully the foghorns interrupt him before our brains explode. Will the curse be broken? Ryan asks.
We see badness in the parking lot, in the lobby, and on the letter D in the audition room. (This is where they ask the contestants to stand – on the letter D.) A not so “Proud Mary” former AI camp-attending contestant needs to go back to fixing computers at Staples or wherever. That wasn’t easy.
And now it’s Jake from Two and a Half Men. We did not realize that this was a crossover show. Jacee is a very cute kid who looks 12 and does a perfect Bieberish “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay.” He is adorable - the judges love him, My Kid Tru and I love him, and he makes it to Hollywood. (His parental unit/escort needs to keep him away from that Fuchsia girl we met last night.)
There are so many commercials that I almost forget what show I am watching. Oh yeah, American Idol. And it’s Sob Story time. This one is a major doozy too. Paris is a pretty young mom with a special needs daughter. The child is cute, the mom is brave and her singing is amazing. Paris does a Carrie song called “Temporary Home” and it’s great. J.Lo cries, I cry, my puppy is wondering why I am crying. To top it off, Jennifer stops to say hello to the deaf child, and I am sobbing at this point and then the show is over finally.
Best quotes from tonight:
Contestant Jordan’s mom to Ryan: You look taller on television.
Creepy Old ST: You had me sold from the second you laid eyes on me.
Next week they will show the auditions from Milwaukee – all together now… “Schlemiel, schlimazel, Hasenpfeffer Incorporated...”
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